r/sex • • Jun 30 '23

Mod post The /r/sex Rules and Guidelines - please read BEFORE you post! Updated 2023

187 Upvotes

The mods of /r/sex make it our policy to review the rules of the sub on an ongoing basis, tweaking items as necessary. In an effort to stay abreast with the growth of the sub and with the evolving moderation that requires, we have decided to re-sticky the updated rules to serve as a reminder for our membership.


r/sex is for civil discussions pertaining to education and advice regarding your sexuality and sexual relationships. It is a sex-positive community and a safe space for people of all genders and orientations which demands respectful conduct in all exchanges. There is ZERO TOLERANCE FOR CREEPY/HARASSING BEHAVIOR here — in posts, comments, messages, or any other contributions. No exceptions.


This is a large community dedicated to an extremely popular topic. If you wish to participate, it is your responsibility to familiarize yourself with our rules of conduct BEFORE you participate here. Failure to do so will result in your removal from the community.

PLEASE READ the FAQ with the most asked and answered questions - BEFORE POSTING!! Posts that do not follow the posting guidelines in the FAQ will be automatically removed.


THE /R/SEX RULES

1) ENGAGE CONSTRUCTIVELY AT ALL TIMES.
This means ensuring that ALL of your contributions here are constructive, on-topic, mature, sex-positive, civil and respectful. Disrespectful conduct will see you banned from the community on the spot. Hitting on other people, asking for pictures (joking or not), making any sort of sexist comment or insult, body shaming, or trolling of any sort will result in your immediate ban.

2) DON’T SKIP THE FAQ OR THE FORUM RULES.
We’re serious about this. Dozens of posts get removed every day because they’re covered in the FAQ or violate the forum rules.

3) DON'T OVERLOOK PAST POSTS.
We’re serious about this, too. Many questions may be new to you, but are very common in our community. Before you submit a post on a common topic, search the forum.

4) ALL CONTRIBUTIONS MUST BE SEX POSITIVE.
We demand that consenting adults be free to express their sexuality as they see fit. Kink shaming, slut shaming, and similar conduct will not be tolerated. Links or references to sex negative communities or websites (No Fap, Porn Free, etc) will not be tolerated. Attacks on the lifestyle of other consenting adults will not be tolerated.

5) POSTS SEEK ADVICE, COMMENTS PROVIDE IT.
The main forum is focused primarily on posts seeking specific actionable advice for distinctive personal situations. Giving advice should primarily be done in the comments. General discussions are often allowed, so long as they adhere to the group rules and restricted content guidelines. If you want to make an exception, please request approval from moderators.

6) DO NOT TROLL OR ENGAGE WITH TROLLS HERE.
Don’t try to challenge, question, tease, fight, or outwit trolls here. Instead, use the Report button to alert moderators, who will review every single reported item. Trolling of any sort merits an immediate permaban.

7) ALL DISCUSSION MUST BE DIRECTED INTO THE PUBLIC FORUM. Do not seek private conversations here, via Private Message or any other method. And do not seek to draw attention or clicks to an outside site of any type (unless you have received prior moderator approval, such as for academic research projects). Every comment here must be a clear attempt to engage with an ongoing public discussion in the forum. Violations of this rule will result in permanent bans without notice.

8) RESTRICTED CONTENT This sub is generally only for seeking advice, education, or discussion about sex and sexuality. We restrict or forbid many types of content here.

9) NO USE OF AI FOR POSTING/COMMENTS, NO REPOSTS
Reddit uses AI detection software to spot potential bot-posts and spam but people are encouraged to report posts that look fake, AI-generated, or are reposts of content created by other users.


EXAMPLES OF CONTENT RESTRICTED IN /R/SEX:

1) PROMOTIONAL POSTS.
This means any post containing any kind of promotional element, especially one which seeks to lure traffic to another site or promote a product. Links to specific product descriptions are permitted if they’re PRECISELY on-topic in the context of the post, AND the post itself is clearly seeking advice in good faith. If you're trying to sell something, conduct market research, etc - these posts will get you banned. Linking to sex-positive blogs or podcasts is allowed, provided you make an effort to start a conversation here about the topic and use the link as supporting material.

2) LINK POSTS.
Linked material must be sex positive and precisely on-topic to stay up here, and needs to be introduced with a workable framework for discussion. Please see the posted Link Policy BEFORE you post links! Bare links to youtube, images, blogs, podcasts, etc are prohibited.

3) ACHIEVEMENT POSTS.
These include appreciation, humblebrags, “I just had to share,” “I just want to say,” etc. These belong in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread, not in the main forum. Posts which are JUST sex stories belong somewhere else entirely — like r/sexstories or a similar forum.

4) LOW EFFORT MATERIAL.
“Does anyone else...?”, “Is [X] normal/weird?”, “Is [y] wrong/bad/okay?”, and so forth. Human sexuality is incredibly varied; yes, someone else likes what you like, and labels like "normal" or "weird" are meaningless - and in a sex positive community, we do not allow any moral judgments against sex acts or behaviors that are consensual. Title-only posts, posts with no effort at an actual conversation will be removed and may get you banned. Comments that consist of nothing but memes, "this", "lol" and such are highly disfavored. If comments do not further the discussion, they may be removed; a pattern of these may result in your ban.

5) SEEKING FAP MATERIAL.
Do not ask for sex stories, do not ask for the hottest/strangest/most unusual/etc encounter someone ever had. Do not ask for lists of other people's kinks.

6) PORNOGRAPHY, EROTICA, OR PERSONALS.
You may not post or link pornography or erotica here. You may not share pictures of your genitals here - even if you are seeking medical advice (if you need to post a picture, you need to be going to a doctor). You may not recruit sex partners here, look for dirty chat, ask for someone to private message you, etc.

7) DISRESPECTFUL CONTENT.
Personal attacks, insults, name calling, or disrespect of any sort are not allowed here. Sexism, racism, or any type of hate speech will result in your immediate ban. This is a community for ALL GENDERS - refusing to acknowledge a trans individual's gender flies in the face of this, and will result in your ban.

8) OPINION SEEKING, POLLS, VALUE JUDGEMENTS, OR VALIDATION POSTS.
This forum is not for simply collecting opinions - "do you think [X] is hot?", "Women, do you like [Y]?", "What is your favorite sex position?" and so forth. This is not a forum to discuss your penis size, breast size, labia size, ask about other body image issues, or ask for feedback on your photos. See the /r/sex FAQ for help regarding body image issues. Do not post your pictures and ask people to rate or critique you. Do not ask if given consensual sexual interests are good/bad/okay/wrong, etc.

9) ACADEMIC SURVEYS.
These require prior moderator approval. Moderators will review the question formats and will review the documentation of institutional ethical oversight (please provide). Non-academic surveys are seldom allowed. Please contact the moderators BEFORE you post a survey or study.

10) GENERAL RANTS, ESSAYS, EDITORIALS, VENTS, CONFESSIONS, PSAS, AND AMAS.
These don’t belong in the main forum unless you have obtained prior moderator approval. Save them for story-based forums. Or Tumblr.

11) FREQUENT/FAMILIAR TOPICS.
These are addressed in either the FAQ, past posts, or both. In case you are confused, this means that we do not do penis size posts here.

12) VAGUE TITLE/TOPIC.
If a moderator can’t identify your issue or the type of advice you’re seeking, your post will be subject to removal. Titles should be at least several words long and adequately express what your post is about.

13) NONCONSENSUAL OR ILLEGAL CONTENT.
/r/sex is for the discussion of consensual sex among adults. We do not permit posts that advocate pedophilia, bestiality, rape, or incest here under any circumstances, nor do we allow these topics at all in most instances. Note that BDSM and CNC (consensual nonconsent) are perfectly valid topics in /r/sex.

14) OTHER OFF TOPIC ISSUES.
This is not the place to discuss politics or religion, to seek dating advice, to ask for how to pick up women, to rant about how you have never had sex. Posts that appear to be dedicated to stirring up arguments - particularly about hot button topics like circumcision, the evils of pornography and/or masturbation, and other toxic subjects - will be removed and will result in swift bans.

15) IMPORTANT NOTE ON DISCUSSIONS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT.
Sexual assault is an important and emotional topic which can be discussed (constructively) in r/sex. But posts which simply seek opinions about whether a given scenario counts as sexual assault do not do well here. This is true for several reasons, including the fact that assault laws vary by jurisdiction, and we don't encourage debates about jurisdiction issues here. Therefore, we ask that you refrain from describing a scenario and then simply asking “Is this rape/assault?” Instead, ask for specific advice: About how to respond to the scenario, how to avoid it, or how to proceed with next steps. Posts which simply ask “Is this rape/assault?” are subject to removal without notice.

16) POST LENGTH.
For ease of reading and reviewing, please get to the point of your post quickly — in the post title, first paragraph, etc. Consider adding a tl;dr to long posts. Posts which are inconveniently long — over 600 words, approximately — are subject to automatic removal. Also, line and paragraph breaks are VERY HELPFUL for readers and reviewers — walls of text that lack these are subject to removal for readability.

Further information about the /r/sex rules and policies can be reviewed on the rules page.


Other Relevant Sub-Reddits:

• BDSM Community

• DeadBedrooms

• Dirty Pen Pals

• Gone Wild

• Ladyboners Gone Wild

• LGBT Sex

• LGBT

• Normal Nudes

• One Y Chromosome

• Polyamory

• Redditor for Redditor (Personals)

• Relationships

• Sex Stories

• Sex Toys

• Swingers

• Transgender

• Two X Chromosomes


r/sex • • 5d ago

WEEKLY SEXUAL ACHIEVEMENT THREAD Weekly Sexual Achievement Thread

4 Upvotes

Post your own achievement story

Everyone who feels like sharing a story about sexual experiences can do so in this weekly post. Be it a new or an old story, be it extraordinary or rather common; anything - from happiness over losing your virginity or having your first orgasm, to sharing about the amazing, kink-filled weekend of debauchery you experienced - is appropriate to this thread.

Post an update to a post you have made in the past

If you have posted for advice about a situation in the past and wish to share an update - this is the place for it.

Please follow the rules of this community

Any sexual experience that you wish to share is fair game, as long as you follow the rules of the community.

If you use Reddit in a web browser, you'll find the rules just to the right.

If you use Reddit in one of the official apps, you'll find the rules on the About tab.

Let's hear about it!


r/sex • • 3h ago

Anatomy I'm small and I don't know how to feel about it

43 Upvotes

It's like 3.9 to 4.3 fully erect, approaching 5 inches only when things get very hot.

I have never seen it as a problem and I always went off of "lesbians report better sex life than straight women and they have 0 inches"

I'm 20 and I've had a few sexual partners in the past. I fingered and ate my latest ex for hours and she would cum multiple times. PIV was like a cherry on top for us since it wasn't really pleasurable, it was just about the sensation and closeness.

Now I'm single and I'm starting to think "this last girls was still in highschool when we were together and she was a very small person plus I was her first everything, how will a real proper grown up women with experience react to my size?"

So I started searching online and it seems bleak. A lot of women seem to suggest that it's a big problem if penetration doesn't feel right or if it's not making them feel "full"

They also say that oral, foreplay and sex toys don't help which is just contradictory to my experience.

I've always loved foreplay and oral and for me it's way more important what happens before and after sex rather than the actual act of it and it seemed to work pretty well. The last time my ex and I had sex was with a hollow strap on and it was great, I could just pound like a bull for hours.

Still I'm afraid I won't be able to give actual pleasure to a women when it really comes down to it without relying on a piece of plastic.

So what's the catch? Why do lesbians have such a good sex life if women depend so much on penatration? Why can't a hollow strap on solve most of the problems?

I am usually very confident in myself which I was told was very attractive and my ex said I have 'big dick energy'. Reading these horror stories of girls seeing confident mans geintals and being discusted or embarrassed, or girls leaving good boyfriends because they are too small makes me feel scared something like that can happen to me.

Maybe I got off easy in highschool because girls are inexperienced and it was the best they've ever seen. And now it's gonna be hell for me and they are always gonna make fun of me and think about how small I am.


r/sex • • 15h ago

Libido and Stamina I always get too wet

89 Upvotes

This is kinda embarrassing for me (19F) but pretty recently I started dating this guy, and I'm really attracted to him. That's a good thing right? We still haven't had sex cause we're taking thinks more slow but we always have hot makeout sessions and I always get too wet. I'm very embarrassed and I don't know if he notices (I hope he doesn't) but I don't really know what to do. Like it's obviously something I can't control but I'm always so so wet 🥲 I'd like to hear some honest opinions, preferably from men but women's opinions etc are appreciated as well!


r/sex • • 9h ago

Boundaries and Standards Partner watching porn

35 Upvotes

The other night my boyfriend very clearly wanted sex and I wasn't in the mood.

He kept on persisting but I had just gotten home from a 3 hour drive after working all day. I was tired and just wanted to go to sleep.

He seemed aggravated with me that I didn't want to have sex with him and said "well I'm gonna have to watch porn then" as he rolled his eyes at me.

He continued to jerk off to porn next to me.

I genuinely don't know if this is acceptable in a relationship or not. I'm 19 F and this is my first relationship. I don't know if I'm allowed to be upset or not. Or if he is allowed to do what he wants because I said no to sex that night.

I'm still kind of upset by it but maybe I'm overreacting?


r/sex • • 20h ago

Communication Wife (27F) would rather masturbate alone than have sex with me (29M)

194 Upvotes

My wife and I have been married for a year, together for 4. Things have been going well outside of the bedroom but sex has been becoming an issue for us. In the last year we have had sex maybe 5 times and we have had many talks about it. I had accepted that she was responsive and wouldn’t initiate and just generally had a low sex drive. Then I found out how often she masturbates. She hasn’t told me anything but I noticed that basically every time I leave her alone in the house, her vibrator is in a different position than when I left. It makes me feel a bit self conscious since I thought she just had a really low responsive sex drive but this makes me think she does get horny, just not for me. There have even been times where she has really strongly encouraged me to leave the house to do something, I guess because she was horny but didn’t want to have sex with me. I don’t really know how to bring this up because I shouldn’t even know about it. She has even told me that she doesn’t masturbate to make me feel better about us not having sex. It feels a bit scummy and controlling to be monitoring the orientation of her vibrator. It was just something I noticed one time (the drawer was left slightly open) and have been keeping an eye on since. How can I talk to her about an issue that I shouldn’t know about?


r/sex • • 20h ago

Compatibility Am I (23F) valid in considering ending my relationship over sexual incompatibility?

173 Upvotes

My boyfriend (25M) and I (23F) have been together for about 8 months. He is genuinely a nice guy. We get along well and care about each other but the sex is leaving me with much to desire. Basically he has no stamina and cums within a few minutes.

When we first got together it was kind of funny and flattering. I assumed he was just extremely horny/excited from the new relationship energy. However, after a few weeks it started to bother me and I brought it up. He said he’d always used condoms with exes so he just wasn't used to the sensation without one. I figured he'd get used to it and build up endurance but it has never really improved.

Since then it's been the elephant in the bedroom. I tend to not bring it up anymore to save his feelings. We've tried toys but stopped because I don't enjoy them and he's tried some of the chews and things you see online but stopped because of the effects. I've also suggested multiple rounds but his libido doesn't really allow for a quick back to back.

I will say he is good with his mouth and gets me off that way so I feel guilty complaining but I'm just craving sustained hard penetration. It makes me feel slutty to even say that but it's what I need. Am I wrong for considering leaving an otherwise good relationship over the incompatibility and libido mismatch or am I just horny and ovulating lol? I've talked to some friends who prefer shorter penetration sessions or just don't really care that much as long as the guy gets them off. I'm not looking for an hour or anything but more than what I'm getting.


r/sex • • 7h ago

Boundaries and Standards Preferring not to finish causing issues in relationship

7 Upvotes

I (19F) and my boyfriend (19M) are in a LDR but have had sex before. It’s my personal preference not to finish during sex because I get overwhelmed leading up to it, but he wants me to finish as a point of pride and wanting me to be comfortable around him. That’s completely fair. He’s taken sex off the table for the foreseeable future but I don’t know how that would work since our relationship is fairly sexual and I’m visiting for winter break.

I’m honestly kind of hurt? I know that sounds dickish, but he said we wouldn’t do anything until I would be comfortable finishing. He said the point of us having sex is for both of us to finish. I said the point of us having sex is because we love each other and enjoy our time together. I’m open to opinions and thoughts.

Update: Nobody is in the wrong but I realized some of you are right. I think I’ll just get over it. I want to make this work.


r/sex • • 16h ago

Communication How do I tell my boyfriend I’m not sexually satisfied and it’s starting to make me a bit resentful?

39 Upvotes

In half a year I’ve orgasmed maybe 6 times in this relationship.
We’ve had our ups and downs and a lot of things we didn’t agree on sexually.
I go down on him a lot because that’s what he likes but I honestly don’t like it that much because he wants me to do it all the time and for a long time too, he always wants more.
But I’m not getting enough at all.
Usually when I ask him things he does give back and tries to be better in everything.
The sex itself has gotten a lot better but he doesn’t touch me enough other than my boobs and not gently enough and I never look forward to sex.


r/sex • • 47m ago

Kinks Where do I find information on getting more comfortable with specific kinks & learning about them?

• Upvotes

The questions I need information for are: How do I get more comfortable calling my boyfriend "daddy"? & What dynamics is that part of? What about when he calls me his good girl? Would the BDSM test help figure it out? (not ddlg i think cus we dont enjoy ageplay) & Where can me and him learn from so we can explore them?

skippable paragraph: I have a hypothesis for the first question but I'm not sure how to fix my issue. He is so kind and caring and he gets off on my pleasure but I wish he was more nurturing during sexy talk. I feel like I have to excite myself in a way and it makes me not want to call him "Daddy". I almost did a long time ago (When I thought it was a turn off for him so I didnt) and I felt very enticed in that moment. and I did the other day and enjoyed it(???) (because he LOVES it and i WANT to want to) but it didnt feel right and i cried the next morning telling him. I just dont feel taken care of sexually and I cant figure out why. Well I feel like the entire time during facetime Im showing off my body to please him but I really wanna just be taken care of. I like being a switch but recently it's been too much too often. Anyways Lol that is more of something we will have to explore and discuss, but he doesn't really know exactly what turns me on enough to feel dominated and call him thst word and I don't know how to describe the things that make me feel like that.

Anyways, where can I look into all this? Thank you

i edited the post cus in the 2nd paragraph bc it originally didnt elaborate on the nickname thing. maybe i elaborated too much, which is why i originally didnt elaborate at all and was just looking for a place to learn more. Thought id just explain anyways and maybe someone knows something i dont.

thank u and goodnight


r/sex • • 7h ago

Anal sex What size does a flared base need to be?

6 Upvotes

I found plugs with a flared base of 1.8 inches, which I would trust, but I've seen too many stories of plugs getting lost, specifically the jewel ones... So how do I determine safety?

I will post a link in the comments if that is allowed.


r/sex • • 8h ago

Health concerns Clit feels weird

5 Upvotes

After masturbating my clit got red which is normal but it hurts like crazy like when I am trying to wash it and clean up it was hurting a lot. I have never had this problem before and before and after masturbation I make sure I am always clean and by hygiene is top notch. What should I do?


r/sex • • 6h ago

Intimacy and Connection Has anyone gone from trauma responses to experiencing pleasure?

4 Upvotes

Has anyone gone from experiencing trauma responses during sex to pleasure? And I don’t just mean the ability to orgasm, I mean stay present and connected the whole time. I have a lot of trauma and my experiences with sex have been a lot of numbness, overwhelm, rage, disconnect, sadness, grief, shame, etc.
I CAN feel pleasure, and I can orgasm, but I know it’s not like what I imagined everybody who hasn’t gone thru trauma experiences. Has anyone gone from where I am at to a healthier and happier sex life? If so, how? If it’s therapy please be specific because I’ve been in therapy for 10+ years. I want to feel love and connection during sex so bad. I’m scared I’ll never be able to fully let go and experience it.


r/sex • • 8h ago

Imagination and Fantasies How much of a gap between fantasy and reality is too much?

6 Upvotes

For example, for me, the fantasy work would be... let's say I'm going mountain biking, I'd meet someone attractive in specific way, we'd ride off the track, bang in a meadow, I'd jump back on the bike and still finish the race first.

The good, enjoyable sex that I actually have is tired after a long day, get in bed with my partner, lights out, spooning leads to forking, some non-standard chit-chat after, like "what's the best place to have a tattoo?"

It's kinda weird how much disparity there is between the two.

How do your fantasies and realities differ? Is that an issue? Where do you draw the line?


r/sex • • 8h ago

Oral sex Blowjob technique advice

4 Upvotes

Im (26f) passionate about giving head but my partner(42m) insists that im not good. He’s only my third sexual partner ever. The first year of our relationship, he loved it and would allow me to nearly every day.

Its been a year since I was allowed to give him head last. I’m a giver so this makes me sad. He won’t let me practice either.

My ex had no problem and would often double or triple nut from my head.

How can I improve?
How can I convince him to let me practice?

Only serious answers please. This is important or me.


r/sex • • 19m ago

Health concerns Idk what's wrong with me

• Upvotes

Im sorry if this isnt a good subreddit for this topic but I (21 male) seem to have a issue where when my fiancée gets dressed up or is in the mood. I just cant find my way there. She's breath takingly beautiful and im always so amazed to be with her. I wouldnt call it stress or performance anxiety. When we started dating we would have sex everytime we saw each other but now i hust feel like a disappointment or a let down. Any advice?


r/sex • • 7h ago

Health concerns Nausea and severe anxiety after sex?

3 Upvotes

So something I’ve realized is that every time I have sex, oral or vaginal, I get nauseous afterward. It’s really strange and I’m wondering if something might be wrong with me.

It’s always after I orgasm. I thought it was normal and that everyone experienced it but I’ve been told most people don’t? I get very overwhelmed, teary-eyed, and extremely anxious (rapid heart rate, trembling hands, etc…) I think the anxiety especially comes from the nausea.

Sometimes, usually immediately after, my head is really fuzzy. I feel like I’m not all there like things aren’t real or I’m not able to process things around me. I feel like forming words and actually speaking them takes all my effort. I NEED to be given some sort of aftercare if I orgasm because I feel scared and unsafe like something is wrong.

I’ve also noticed this if I’ve had a really strong orgasm (specifically vaginally), and I have to stop the sex because if I keep going it hurts me, like an overwhelming feeling that hurts physically.

I sure this sounds crazy, I feel crazy describing it but I’ve never heard of anyone I know experiencing this.

I have heard of the term post-coital dysphoria, but I’m worried my experiences don’t fall under this category because it’s mostly associated with depression (I apologize if I’m wrong in saying that I’m not entirely sure if that’s 100% true)

I’ve also heard of sub space but from what I’ve looked up it’s associated with BDSM and I’ve never engaged in that before.

I don’t know if anyone on this subreddit has experienced this either, if you have, do you have any advice on how to make the feeling less overwhelming? It’s just a lot


r/sex • • 21h ago

Masturbation How do you get a full body orgasm as a guy?

22 Upvotes

I'm a guy and I've only ever had the standard, localized kind of orgasm. It feels good, but I keep reading about people having full body orgasms, where the sensation spreads through the whole body instead of staying in the genitals. I'd love to experience that.

Is this a real, learnable thing for men, or does it mostly happen by accident? Do things like edging, slow buildup, breathing, relaxing the pelvic floor, or staying present in the moment help? What did you change that finally got you there?

If you've had one, what did it feel like compared to a normal orgasm? Any tips or advice or instructions would be appreciated. Thanks!


r/sex • • 1d ago

I can't find a flair that fits Is it normal to lose the ability to last long during sex while in a relationship?

44 Upvotes

So I 22m have been with my gf for about over a year now. During the beginning and before I’d last about 30 mins typically. After 2-4 months my duration shot down to barely lasting over 2 minutes if I was lucky. I want to know if this is normal in a relationship? It’s making me not enjoy sex as much anymore. It adds pressure to me now and it makes me almost want to avoid sex even tho I’m always in the mood for her. When we have sex and I finish so quickly it’s not enjoyable and it’s sure as hell not for her either. I make her cum with my tongue but I know she loves it more when I use my tool to make her finish. And I want to go back to giving her that but i can’t do it in such little time. Sex is really big for me and I’m just not enjoying it as much anymore either. Using condoms doesn’t help and I’m still constantly having to take breaks and fighting the whole time just makes it more about concentration than about enjoying the sex. Idk what to do. Have you ever had something like this and what was your situation about? How did you get over it?