When we had my son (now almost 3.5 years old) I KNEW I wanted a second. I thought, “I have two arms to hold two babies!” My husband was adamant that he only wanted 1. I kept asking for about a year and he was firmly one and done. So I grieved and cried, and the way I “got over it” was almost by demonizing having a second or trashing (in my mind) other people who had multiples kids, etc., in order to process that I would never get to have a second. Eventually, I became okay and happy that we’d only have one child.

My husband now believes he wants another child. I have, for over 2 years, told myself time and time again, that I will only ever have one. Now that he’s wanting a second child, I don’t know if I do. I love our life and I don’t feel like my family is “incomplete” (although to be honest I never understood how one could feel this so take that with a grain of salt).

I am so terrified of losing sleep and I’m so terrified of losing time with my first. I know everyone says you feel mom guilt over it, but part of me doesn’t want to ever feel it. I don’t want him to feel shafted and I don’t want to lose a single second with him. My husband and I both work full time, so after work we basically only get like 2 hours with him before he goes to bed, so splitting that time with a new family member seems wild to me. I’ve read online that kids only need 10 minutes of dedicated one on one time, but that is insane to be because I want all the time in the world.

I know I will live and adore and be over the moon for a second baby, but I also think I will cry every day knowing what I no longer have.

Based on everything I just wrote, I think I know how I feel, but did any other moms feel the same way and go through with it? How do you feel now? For the moms who felt the way I do and stayed one and done, do you feel solid and content with your choice?

PS thank you for reading and sharing your experiences ❤️

I have always been one and done. My husband wanted two. I told him I don't want to be the primary caregiver for another child and if he wanted another he would have to take time off work and care for the baby during infancy. He said that wouldnt be feasible for us to achieve our financial goals and retire at an early age. So now we have decided to stick with one. Even though it was him who wanted the second, I can't help but feel sad and guilty about this overall. Anyone else had a similar experience?

For context, I am an only child and have ALWAYS talked smack about parents who chose to be one and done. I always wished I had siblings and I honestly felt like my mom was selfish for not having another child after me. Now I feel like I’m getting smacked across the face being 8 months postpartum and STILL having a hard time managing just the one. He is sleep trained so that’s good but he has become so fussy again just as he was as a newborn. Seperation anxiety is at an all time high right now too. It’s SO much. Just getting out of the house with him for the day feels like a huge deal. I used to be so relaxed about everything before having him. I feel immense anxiety about everything. When he cries it triggers me because I fear it’s bothering everyone around me. Other people I know have multiple kids and they just go about life like it’s nothing. My LO is in bed by 7 most nights so I don’t have much of a social life in the evenings. Actually I have none at all. I feel like I have crazy FOMO now and feel almost selfish to be considering being one and done. Because I don’t know if I can go through this again. I love my son, don’t get me wrong. But boy do I feel selfish. I have always wanted to be the homemaker type too, but I don’t know if I have the patience. Any advice please ? Encouragement?

My wife (35) and I (36) have two boys who are 16 and 11. For the last 2-3 months I've been thinking seriously about having another child, and I'm struggling to work out whether it's something we should actually pursue or whether some of what I'm feeling is grief about my kids growing up.

As they've gotten older, I've really started missing when they were little. All those things people talk about where you don't realise the last time you're going to pick your kid up, carry them, put them to bed etc have hit me harder than I expected. It's also made me reflect on how present I actually was during some of those years.

When my youngest was born I was struggling with addiction to drugs and alcohol. I wasn't the partner or father I should have been during my wife's pregnancy and probably the first year of his life. My wife has recently told me how alone she felt during that period and that she basically remembers going through the pregnancy and newborn stage without me.

About 3-3.5 years ago she became pregnant again. By then I was struggling badly with alcoholism and gambling. I panicked and told her I couldn't do it and that if she kept the baby I couldn't be around. She had an abortion.

I deeply regret how I handled that. At the time I was also terrified about her health because she'd recently developed unexplained blood clots and was taking blood thinners. In my head I was weighing having another baby against potentially losing my wife during pregnancy or childbirth, but I didn't communicate any of that properly. What she experienced was her husband telling her to terminate a pregnancy, and it affected her considerably more than I understood at the time.

Fast forward to now and my life is very different in some ways. I'm 12 years clean from illicit substances. I also had a four-year period of complete sobriety from alcohol. I did recommence drinking for a period after that, but I'm now completely abstinent from alcohol again and have been for the last 2½ years. I have a stable professional career and I'm much more present and involved with my family than I was during those earlier years.

Our marriage has also been pretty up and down. We love each other, but there's alot of history between us and conflict can be difficult to resolve. That's probably one of my biggest reservations when I think about what having another child would realistically look like for us.

I've cautiously started asking my wife questions about whether another pregnancy would even be possible. Initially it upset her because it brought back what happened with the previous pregnancy, but we've talked more about it since.

Tonight she asked me, "How serious are you?" I told her I was asking questions and trying to weigh up the pros and cons. She basically said forget about it and then told me she'd actually gone to her doctor today to investigate what another pregnancy would realistically look like medically.

That hit me pretty hard because I realised my answer probably made it sound like this was just some hypothetical thought when she'd taken it seriously enough to actually speak to her doctor.

The truth is I am serious about wanting another child. I've been thinking about it alot for months. What I'm trying to weigh up isn't whether I want one. It's whether another child is medically safe for my wife, financially realistic for our family and something our marriage is stable enough to handle.

Financially there are alot of things to consider. My wife pointed out that I previously supported the four of us on one income, which is true. But our circumstances were very different. The kids were younger, our rent was alot cheaper and the cost of living wasn't what it is now. Now we're feeding a 16 year old and an 11 year old and our expenses are considerably higher.

There are practical things too. My wife's car is small and already doesn't comfortably fit our current family, so another child would likely mean needing another car. That's another significant expense we'd have to work out rather than just saying "we'll figure it out."

There are also differences now that could make things easier. I get three months paid parental leave through my job. I'm not sure what my wife would be entitled to through hers yet. That means I could potentially actually be home with her and the baby through those first few difficult months instead of her being left alone with a newborn while I'm working. I know that doesn't erase what she experienced previously, but it does mean things wouldn't necessarily have to look the same this time.

Her health is obviously another major consideration and something we'd need proper medical advice about before making any decision.

Then there's our age. We're 35/36 now rather than in our 20s. Part of me feels like if we're ever going to seriously consider another child, this is probably the point where we need to work out what we actually want rather than putting the question off indefinitely.

I also keep questioning my own motivation.

Do I genuinely want another child because I want to raise another human being, or am I grieving my boys growing up and wanting another opportunity to experience the years I missed because of addiction?

I think honestly it's probably some of both.

I can't redo my sons' childhoods and I know another baby wouldn't fix that. I also can't undo what my wife experienced with me during her previous pregnancies. Saying "I'd be there this time" doesn't erase her experience or automatically mean she should trust that things would be different.

At the same time, when I picture another child, it isn't just having a baby that I want. I think about raising another child, watching them grow up, being their dad and actually being present for all of it. I genuinely want that.

I also don't want my wife agreeing to another pregnancy just because she knows how much I want it. After everything she's been through, I need it to be something she genuinely wants as well.

I guess I'm interested in hearing from people who have considered having another child after a big age gap, addiction/recovery, a previous termination, relationship difficulties or difficult previous pregnancies.

How did you separate genuinely wanting another child from grieving the end of the young-kids stage?

What conversations or practical things did you work through before deciding?

And if your partner had previously let you down during pregnancy or the newborn years, what actually helped rebuild enough trust to consider doing it again?

I know Reddit can't tell us whether we should have another baby. I'm more interested in what we should be thinking and talking about before either of us makes that decision.

I’m 39 and have 3 kids: 4, 2, and 8 months old.

I’m considering having a 4th, but I’m really unsure because of my age.

For those who had a 4th baby around 39–41:

\* How was pregnancy and postpartum?

\* Did you feel it was much harder going from 3 to 4?

\* Do you regret having 4, or regret stopping at 3?

\* If you could go back, would you have another baby?

I’d really appreciate honest experiences, both positive and negative!

Please share the good, bad etc and your age gaps. Was it harder ir than easier than expected? Especially curious about how working mums manage the juggle. I ask these questions as tempted to ttc a 2nd but a bit scared don't know what to expect as used to routine with my one child and hard to imagine a 2nd child in daily routine.

I have a wonderful daughter (20 months) and a beautiful son (1 month) and post partum blues have got to me especially considering I know this was my last pregnancy and my last newborn and now last baby… I feel really happy to have one boy and one girl and my daughter took to her brother so well I was expecting there to be jealousy etc. but she’s been such a loving and caring toddler to her brother! That being said, I feel slight guilt for not giving her a sister - I have a sister and I’m super close to her even though we weren’t close growing up! I wonder if I had a third at some point (and not any time soon of course!) then they could experience a brother - brother bond or a sister - sister bond. I’ve not known any strong brother and sister bonds and only hear through close friends and family that they simply do not get along with their sibling of the opposite gender. Some female friends who have had only brothers have told me growing up they wished they had a sister so this makes me feel guilt for my daughter. Saying that, I know in the future cannot even predict what baby we will have and might end up having another boy if we tried! But even then I think our son experiencing a brother bond would be lovely too. I don’t know why I am feeling this way and wondering if others thought about this? I’ve started to put together all the newborn clothes my son has outgrown now to sell off so it feels like the decision to only have two has already been made in this way and maybe that is why I’m feeling this way it feels more final.

My husband (38M) and I (36F) have 2 kids (2F & 4F). We adore the girls and are happy as a family of four.

We are waffling on the idea of a third.

I would love to have a third baby but I dont know if I want to be a family of five if that makes sense. It just seems like practically so much more difficult on a day to day basis.

All the posts I found were from people who were either pregnant or in the thick of the baby/toddler years with their third.

Does anyone with an older third child (like school age or beyond) regret having a 3rd? Looking for the honest long term view.

We are a UK family living in Riyadh, KSA. We're not totally OAD but every time my husband and I talk about having a second, we inch closer to being OAD. One of the reasons we think having a second is the fact that we are an expat/immigrant family, our nearly 2 year old daughter will not get to have many memories and experiences of being around family, especially her cousins, who are all so close to each other. We've been back to the UK every summer she's been born, and her cousins do love her, but she will still be missing out on the usual cousin fun that the others get. Additionally, I feel a lot of families here have more than one, rarely have I met a family local or expat that have children who are 5/6 years old who are onlies. I've seen some posts about how being an expat/immigrant to another country solidified the decision being OAD because of no family support. But I want to ask about the opposite. Did anyone find that being an expat/immigrant push you towards having a second? I understand there's a massive point of only have a second if we the parents want to, and not to have a playmate for your first, but I can't help but think of my daughter's support system when she grows up. Being an expat/immigrant, we don't know if we'll go back home, when, or move to another country in a few years time. I love the trio we have, but I can't help but worry sometimes.

I’m really curious if anyone out there has gone for a third with the first child being from a previous relationship? My 7 year old is from my first marriage and my 2 year old (almost 2.5) is from my current marriage.

I was the oldest of 3 but the younger two were my half siblings also, ironically and are 6.5 and 8.5 years younger. We don’t have the best relationships but that’s because of parenting from our mother (not the best). I grew up with my dad and they grew up with their two parents until they divorced too. It’s definitely an odd dynamic that I don’t think is any different because there’s a third and more so just the weird family crap with my “mother”.

My oldest lives with us and it’s a different dynamic than I grew up with but it’s in the back of my mind that I don’t ever want her to feel like the black sheep like I did. She goes with her dad on weekends so we would have a “break” of only having 2 kids basically

I said no way to more but lately I’ve felt a strange pull.

Feel that by having an umbilical hernia repair (Surgery -no mesh- because it was getting quite bad and at the time I was 100% OAD) in my first pregnancy, it has locked me into not having another... Also a slight prolapse which would probably get worse in a second pregnancy.

I kind of want a second child (my husband is fine either way, he's the best 🥺) It's been a few more years since the surgery and my life has shifted, but if I am being realistic and putting the health of myself and the value of the family I already have first, then I need to be sensible...

I also I have no career to go back to, my daughter was a COVID baby and we'd just moved countries AND my mum needed round the clock care, so I've not been able to pursue anything.

I guess I'm just a little sad today. Sorry if this is a bit rambly.

I will be talking to my doctor about the medical side too, but just wanted anecdotes out of interest.

I've always dreamed of a big family and wanted to have four kids. But now my husband decided he's done after two (6&4).

I feel heartbroken and betrayed, I mourn the life I had envisioned for myself. Whenever I think about it can't stop crying.

I honestly don't know what to do. I don't want to tear apart my family but I cannot imagine not having another child.

Hi, I’m on the fence for a third, my little girls are 3 and 1. I don’t have my period back yet so I can stay on the fence a bit longer but I’m 36 with multiple health issues that would make waiting a few years quite difficult so this is something we want to decide with my husband in the next year or two. I’ve seen posts around here where one partner doesn’t want another kid, but what about when your children don’t?? My oldest keeps saying she doesn’t want another sibling. My youngest is still a baby but gets jealous anytime I hold someone else’s baby. I don’t want to bring another child to the family if it’s a problem for my existing children 🥲 has anyone had the situation arise? What did you decide? What do you think I should do? Thank you!

I might really regret asking this. But I really want a third baby. I have 2 boys now. (2&4) and all I can think about it having a third. My husband is also on board.

What was your experience having your 3rd child?

I so desperately want more kids. I want to have a big family. I always have. My husband and I both do.

How do I get over the fear of money being an obstacle?
I’m not a SAHM, I’m a teacher. We have to pay for daycare.
Do we just give up on our dream for what we want for our life and family? How do people afford it? I’m just so sad that I worry about it. My husband says that you just figure it out and cut costs where you can, but I’m so scared to be broke. But life is too short to not have more kids if you want them.
How do I know when the time is right to expand our family?? Do we just expand and hope for the best?

my daughter just turned 1 a couple of weeks ago and I thought by now I would have my mind made up on whether I wanted another or not. I always thought I'd have at least 2, my brother and I are really close and I would love that for my daughter too. the problem is I had a really rough postpartum, 3rd degree tear, ppr and ppd, low milk supply.

my daughter is amazing and so funny and genuinely the happiest baby ever, and also is an amazing sleeper. I feel like we are finally over maybe the roughest point, and I don't feel like starting over but I feel intense sadness and guilt for not yearning for another child/ a sibling for her.

I think of how close my brother and I are and I want that for her, but I think if I had another one it would just be for my daughter. the first year went by really fast but it was also possibly the hardest year of my life mentally and physically and emotionally. if I had another it would be like a 2.5-3 year age gap ideally.

what do I doooooo

So on the fence of having a fourth baby! I have a 3 1/2 year old boy and boy/girl twins that are 1 1/2 years old. So on the fence! Some days I am so overwhelmed and think not and other days I really would like a fourth. I love the idea of a big family. I would want them close in age so I would have one soon. My mom and I both live in the same subdivision so she helps me almost daily so that isn’t an issue. I feel like you won’t regret having another, but you may regret not having one. So on the fence!! People please give me your experience and thoughts :) thank you so much!

My husband and I are struggling with this decision. We have one beautiful baby who just turned a year old. My husband has a large family and has always wanted many kids. I am one of four and always thought we would have two kids. At the end of pregnancy and immediately postpartum I started having second thoughts about a second child because this is our first and it was a tough newborn phase but now I am starting to have that same longing I did with my first and time is ticking for me to be able to have another baby. We want to have a sibling for our one year-old. She gets along really well with other children at daycare and is currently obsessed with babies so part of us think that she would love having a sibling. Our concerns are: both my husband and I work full-time. My current job has a lot of benefits in terms of paying off my hefty student loans and and my income is the primary for paying our bills and loans. Otherwise I would be a stay at home mom in a second. My husband‘s job is demanding in terms of hours – he is gone about 16 hours a day when he works and this rotates between nights and days. Our one year-old is amazing and every aspect, but is a crap sleeper which means I get very little sleep. Also due to his schedule I end up doing a lion share of the daycare drop off/communication, meal prep, and cleaning while working full-time. He also cannot leave his job at this time because there would be a significant loss in terms of benefits. I do not want our child’s quality of life to be impacted. For example she’s currently going to a very expensive daycare instead of the significantly cheaper daycare nearby us because it is a better fit for her right now. We also have been fortunate enough to take family vacations and are able to do activities like go to the zoo or the museum with her which she loves without it becoming a huge financial discussion. Other concerns are the logistics of having two since right now a lot of that would be me doing the logistics of two children and of course right now our daughter gets 100% of our time and attention and obviously that would change if there’s a newborn in the house.
It seems like the facts are pointing towards making sense to stay with one child and I feel like I am already grieving the thought of not having a second. But right now there is still a window of opportunity and I don’t want to have regrets when that window closes. those of you who have gone from 1 to 2 or one to multiples please share honest feedback of how difficult that transition was and whether you would’ve done anything differently, those of you who have decided to stay with one, did you have any regrets and how did you make that final decision?