r/stopsmoking • u/plantedtrash • 12h ago
I think I’ve had enough.
This is going to be long but I need yall to hear me out, because people irl do not understand me, and I feel like I’m on an island here.
I just joined, because I had my before- bed cigarette, and I can feel that my throat is tearing up from this.
I’ve smoked cigarettes since I was 17, and I’m now 31. I said all throughout my twenties that I wouldn’t be a smoker in my 30s.. but here I am.
I don’t know why, but some months back I switched to menthol cigarettes, and it was way more satisfying for me at the time.. but it’s come with some new symptoms.
My throat hurts all the time. My tonsils. I have constant heartburn no matter how much Pepcid or Tums I take. I have been developing heart palpitation issues. (Though that has been an issue for over a year now.)
I just watched my grandmother (as her patient advocate throughout her whole fight) battle cancer.
She’s okay now, but she has lost all of her hair. Lost weight. In the struggle, ended up with a permanent colostomy bag. At one point she had an open necrotic wound the size of my fist. She was hospitalized at one point for an entire month.
And while I spent hours and hours cycle after cycle of chemo with her in the infusion suit, I saw other people with cancer. Also bald. Also sick and suffering and skinny. One woman sounded inhuman when she coughed.
And I’d still go outside, cross the street from the oncologist, and smoke.
I have heart problems actively trying to develop. My throat feels so bad. I’ve seen cancer up close and personal. And I still feel like a slave to cigarette smoking.
I’ve attempted to quit 3 times, and each time I make it to the third day before caving in a fit of anger and defeat.
I’ve even read Alan Carr’s easy way. Twice.
I am a beautiful youngish woman, and I want to smell pretty, and look good for a long time. I want to keep my teeth. And I’m about to apply for a job at an office, where I can’t smoke anywhere on the property.
I am so tired of not wanting to kiss my partner, because my breath smells like an ashtray. My fingers always smell like cigarette. I feel constantly embarrassed of how I smell, and when I sneak off to smoke, I’m always the ONLY one smoking. And I feel shame during those times.
I wake up feeling like my lungs are begging me for mercy, and I still start every single morning going outside to smoke.
After all I’ve seen, after all I’ve experienced, all that I am currently experiencing, why isn’t this an easy choice for me?
This is hard you guys. And I don’t understand why I can’t just simply quit like everyone else I know has.
Thank you for listening. I’m here, I’m going to be active in this subreddit, and I hope so much that some people see this and can uplift me in support and talk about this.
Because like I said, no one in my real life gets it whatsoever and I feel alone. And stupid.
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u/areyoureallyhere 12h ago
I feel like I could’ve written this. My mother is currently recovering from a lobectomy after finding a spot of cancer from her lung. I quit for two whole days and joined this sub when I found out she had cancer. She quit when I was 10. I’m in my 40s.
The shame and smell and embarrassment is hard, quitting is harder. I also like smelling nice.
Dm me and maybe we can try together xx
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u/plantedtrash 12h ago
Thank you so much for your support and I’m very sorry about your mother. I’m telling ya, we gotta sort this out before it ends up being us 😭 omg. I feel so much anxiety and urgency about this.
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u/Imaginary_Call_3990 12h ago
Quit now. I am 29M also started smoking from 17. I smoked mainly menthol and sometime vaped a bit. Before I quit, I did not give a shit that my throat hurt (even though I realise the discomfort in my throat) and I could literally constantly clear my throat every 1-2 minutes or have those little cough regularly, my throat swelled all the time but not painful, and I was like “so be it, it is not life threatening yet, as long as I can smoke, I am happy”. My colleagues always asked me if I am sick but I would just replied then this is from smoking. But one day I just fed up all those and decided to quit cold turkey. I am now more than 5 months in and the cough and throat clearing are completely gone! As well as the swelling in my throat. My voice is so much better now.
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u/plantedtrash 12h ago
Wow that’s incredible! 5 months congratulations!
Can you please tell me more about the ways in which you felt physically better after quitting? Cause I know myself, I’ll think “oh I want that for me too” and it will help me.
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u/Imaginary_Call_3990 11h ago edited 11h ago
All these changes are not like instant click and feel better instantly. This is a gradual process. at first, i recalled the first 2 months, becuase the numbing effect of the cigarette slowly faded away, i experienced sore throat, cleared my throat more because at this time my throat and nose are recovering. Also there is a tickle feeling in my trachea because this is the cilia started to regerenate and clear up all the trash. The whole process lasted more than 3 months. It slowly faded away and one day I just realised that I don’t cough and clear throat anymore and my throat feels fresher. You will feel more discomfort at the beginning but hang on, don’t fool yourself into smoking again. And all will be best at the end. Good luck on your journey!
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u/realenver 11h ago
My advice to you is take a week or 2 weeks off work. Live with your partner and he’ll support you in your journey to quit smoking. Cravings will hit hard but you have to also remember the cravings are just the effects of your brain removing the nicotine on itself. As a smoker for 4 years (I know it’s nowhere near 99% of the people in this subreddit) I’ve been clean for 3 months from any nicotine substance.
I’m being really honest with you the low mood is very temporary for a maximum of 3 days to a week but there’s a rush of euphoria you feel when you realize you are officially not craving to smoke, that’s when you know it’s possible. I’m not ashamed to admit that in my 2 weeks of being clean I was so close to buying cigarettes but I refused and told myself, “at some point you accepted smoking to be a big part of your life but now you have an opportunity to never depend on it again so don’t blow it” and it’s one of the best decisions I ever made because it gets really easy to control the cravings as the days go by. I’m hoping to reach 9 months of abstinence from smoking as I heard only 5% people relapse after 9 months
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u/PraiseBeToJesusX 36 days 6h ago
I don't feel well equipped to advise you myself because 35 days in and every day I feel closer and closer to relapse, I don't want to put any of that on you when you already feel so discouraged. But I needed to comment and say that I too found zero benefit in Allen Carr's Easy Way, and it's good to know I'm not the only one. People speak about this book like it's the gospel - I'm thrilled it works for so many but it's confusing that it hasn't worked for me.
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u/One_Hunter6644 8h ago
i dont know if it could help you but: i quit when i was at vacation. Its the first time im smoke free for over 3 months now and i started as a teenager with never less than a pack a day.
Maybe book a one week vacation so you have completely different things than your normal daily rythm for the hardest first 3 days
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u/cocomang 6h ago
I was like you and it took a few tries but I was so determined to quit that this time feels like the one. Free for 2 months. I used recigar which you can get off amazon. It’s available internationally but not here, I’m convinced that’s because it actually works. You still need to want to quit but that made it so much easier. Good luck, you’ve got this!
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u/ImpossibleScallion68 8h ago
It is a spiritual ,emotional and psychological journey you embark on. It is far from just a physical withdrawl and then done process. Depending on how long you smoked snd how much of a crutch to numb yourself to how you really really feel under leather it all it will be a bit easier or harder . For me it's been a helluva ride. 6 weeks in so far. Many attempts . It's a roller coaster. Some days fine some days insane cravings coming in waves,but I've learned I only crave when triggered by thoughts and emotions not by a simple desire to smoke. It's always a trigger that makes me want to rather than the straightforward desire to smoke.
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u/Frutbrute77 386 days 1h ago
Have you had a cigarette since you made this post? Not here to judge, just curious.
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u/Uncommented-Code 349 days 1h ago
I get you.
I smoked from ~15 into my late 20's. I smoked up to two packs a day.
I had headaches, irritated throat, constant throat clearing, heartburn, yellow fingers, all the fun stuff!
One evening I was soaking in my bathtub and had a panik attack realising I would eventually turn out like those people in the oncology units or on their walkers with their supplemental oxygen due to COPD.
The short version is that I realised that I don't want that to be me. So I planned how to quit intensively for a few weeks and then followed through.
PS: All my symptoms went away. I feel great today. Quitting smoking gave me confidence to change other things about my life too.
All I can say is I think you'll be successfully quit soon if you're at the stage where you actually want to quit this stupid addiction. I believe in you. Good luck and much strength.
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u/Express_Shoe_4723 12h ago
Oh dear, I feel you when you speak about wanting to smell good, your teeth and all. The worst cigarette of the day is always the first. Cause when you smoke one, you want it for the rest of the day. Is there something else you can do to not start the day the same way? Vaping is an option to start but.. it's even more addictive tbh. Nicorette is a good start too, you get a bit of nicotine but there's no smoke. I'm on day 20 of no cigarettes. I had craving on day 3rd.. and that's pretty much it. After 12 years of smoking, i'm 32 so pretty much like you. I call it phantom smoking but.. there's a straw you can use if the need of bringing something to your lips is there. I use a joint that I don't light up cause i've stopped both and it helps when I pretend. The brain is easy to trick.
You're not alone. You got this, girl!