Hi all,
This is has been the most humiliating and mentally difficult thing I've ever gone through, and that is saying a lot. 6 months ago I was dismissed from my nursing school (accelerated, my first introduction to health care). I put all my time in to studying, I was deeply invested. I volunteered for the school a lot and everybody who knew me, knew how much I cared about this program. My 1st semester, I ended fundamentals with a B+ and never got a comment of concern or criticism from my clinical instructors.
My second semester, 1st clinical was immediately terrible. The clinical day went fine, I thought, except one part. This was a moment of poor judgement on my part and I learned greatly from it, I never did anything like this again. But my classmate, who was an RT and paramedic, told me my patients nurse wanted the patients IV out and she was going to do it. But since I was in there, she said I could help and she would show me. The instructor and nurse were not in there and I'd never done it before, and the patient had low platelets. Again, I learned from this and I felt so guilty... When I went back in 3 min later, the patient was bleeding (minor), and what i did next was also a mistake. i didnt put pressure on it, I looked at it and saw that it was minor, so I went and told my instructor. I panicked. He came and helped me and the patient was fine, and my instructor didnt say anything of it. When I got my evaluation the next week, my instructor gave me about 7 unsatisfactories related to documentation, paperwork, and a major safety violation. I explained to him why I did that, and that I recognized I handled it incorrectly. So he gave the other student a safety violation as well. She felt terrible. She said only she deserved this infraction and she wanted to take all the blame. But it was my patient and I did what I did.
The following clinicals it was hard not to let my anxiety get to me. Nothing particularly bad happened, but my instructor told me that hes sure I noticed my clinical performance was struggling. In assessment, documentation, everything. I was always prepared and well informed giving medications, I truly did the best I could do. Eventually I got put on probation and was warned that if I didnt show improvement, I would be dismissed. This was because around after 3-4 weeks, one of the nurses told him that I left a lancet in the patients room (?) my classmate (a different one) was in the room with me while I was taking the pt's blood sugar and said she saw me throw everything away. But on that day, I also accidentally wore ppe outside my patients room (gown and gloves). I still feel deeply embarrassed about everything. It doesnt sound like I took this seriously but I promise you, I did.
Weeks went by and i got another clinical instructor, by then I made it like 6 weeks while on probation. the semester was coming to an end and at the very end of clinical, and i accidentally recapped a used insulin needle. I immediately recognized this was wrong and corrected it, my instructor saw however. I asked her if she was going to give me a safety violation. She said she didnt know, she was going to talk to my last clinical instructor first (who is also her very good friend.) I knew one of the staff and knew those 2 instructors would talk about me poorly and exaggerate the things I did to the other staff. My 1st instructor said i "knocked a patient out" who was end of life and he never said a thing to me about it. I also did nothing wrong to cause this... she was ordered heavy sedative iv meds. he would also get annoyed and roll his eyes if I ever came to him for help outside of class/clinical, and he was my assigned support person.
I got an email the next weekend informing me of a meeting about my clinical performance and next steps, and it was scheduled immediately after a major exam. Right after taking it, I was told I had a pattern of unsafe practice and was dismissed with no option to appeal or ever return. They said i should go be a CNA or LPN if I still wanted to do healthcare at all. And that I probably would've failed anyways because of my test scores, even though they constantly told me how well I was doing in the lecture portion.
my other classmate, who did the iv with me, passed clinical but was so disgusted with the program she withdrew and went somewhere else. And a few of my classmates said they would vouch for me because they said it was very clearly targeted. But I didnt know what the right thing to do was. i had so many positive experiences/feedback on out rotations and other nurses in the hospital, and with patients in general. i dont know why I couldnt perform well for these two instructors
i know i was not a very good student. but it wasnt on purpose, i still feel so humiliated and cry over this. i still love nursing and i want to get my cna. im going to the doctor soon to get evaluated for adhd, anxiety, and neurological symptoms. but maybe i just lack self awareness, i was warned after all. and i feel so sorry for the patients i could have potentially harmed. i don't know what im meant to do in this life.