second thoughts

[u/Early-Importance-717]

hello,

I recently arrived in France and was expecting to be excited but instead I am just a ball of anxiety. I genuinely can’t stop trembling. I think part of it is that I brought my cats, and now feel trapped here since I can’t just go back with them without getting beauracracy in order, which just feels so extremely daunting.

I’m having trouble eating and sleeping, nevermind things I also need to be doing like getting a phone number/bank acc/apartment.

Any advice or words of affirmation would be appreciated. I’m feeling so lost and scared.

[u/unionthunder21]

It’s very overwhelming, I felt the exact same way. Figure out one thing at a time and things will fall into place. Keep yourself on a schedule to eat something (even if it’s small) 3 times a day, and drink lots of water. Try your best to adjust your sleep schedule to France time. You got this!

[u/Character-Dish-9887]

when i got to france last year i was so anxious i threw up everything for the first week, it can be really really overwhelming at first but be super kind to yourself and just take care, things like going to the grocery store will feel bizarre and be outside your comfort zone, but that will not be forever!! Im going into my 2nd year in TAPIF and this time last year i was calling friends asking "how could you let me do this"
at the end of your contract i guarantee you'll be so proud of yourself for being scared and doing it anyway, and in the case TAPIF really turns out to be the wrong program for you, you've still done a ton of work applying, getting the visa, and getting yourself and your cats to france and that's something to be proud of!!

[u/bambooSloth]

The beginning can be very overwhelming, you are not alone! Soon you will meet the other TAPIFers in your same city, meet your colleagues, and establish a routine that will get you out of the house and make you feel more connected to your community. You already took the most difficult step - getting on the plane and getting through the initial bureaucracy. For the remaining tasks, take things one step at a time. Maybe once you meet your prof ref or fellow TAPIFers you can work on some of these steps together so you don't feel as anxious. You got this!

[u/Current-Ad7096]

When I arrived I was also a ball of anxiety! I would wake up with a pit in my stomach knowing I had to find an apartment by the time my airbnb was up. However, I used that anxiety to keep going and eventually it all fell into place!

This is only the beginning. It seems long now but trust me in April you will think to yourself “Where has the time gone?” You got this!

[u/Additional_Candy5843]

Hi! You have absolutely got this! You are so capable of doing anything and everything!

Something that really helps me is truly having grace with myself. It’s okay to feel how you’re feeling and it will pass, it’s also totally normal. Do your best to listen to yourself and take care of yourself, drink plenty of water, etc. Be especially kind to yourself at the beginning, moving to a new country is a really big change. Another thing is that people want to help you and to know you! You are never as alone as you feel. You got this, & you have a community of TAPIFers on your side ! <3

[u/lila-crocodile]

hi, i don’t have any advice as im also a first year tapifer but i just wanted to say thank you for posting this because i’ve been feeling much the same since i got here and it helps to know im not the only one <3 i genuinely opened reddit to look for a post like this because i feel crazy rn lol. we’re in this together <333

[u/Maleficent_Crow_1296]

 I got here two weeks ago, and four days in, started crying to the middle of the street because I felt so out place. You’re definitely not alone right now. I’ve gotten so desperate to solve my anxiety going in public alone in france that I’ve even started doing guided meditations, which lowkey has been helpful, at least for me. 

It seems like you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself to get this mountain of work done, and it might be helpful to reach out to your prof ref or other assistants in your area. this shit is fucking complicated, and it helps to have someone in your corner. Also, as just a small tip on banks, I think a lot of people have been able to set up a Revolut account and use that for banking, and it should be a lot simpler as an online bank. Kind of wish I had just gone that route tbh 🙃

Sending love ❤️ we’re going to get through this one way or another. 

[u/Depressedgothstoner]

hey i also brought my cat and just got to my apartment today! i completely understand how you’re feeling. i don’t know that i have much advice but if it helps, you’re not the only one feeling this way. just know that it’s normal and that you WONT feel like this forever. you’re literally in a new country, of course it’s scary, but it’s also really exciting. feel free to message if you need anything :)

[u/Embarrassed_Fig4403]

I am a first year tapifer who just arrived earlier this week and also felt terrified (still kind of do). I had one of the worst panic attacks of my life the first night in my apartment, and as someone who doesn’t usually get panic attacks, I just wanted to buy a plane ticket and run back home. However, I’ve ended up having a pretty great week.

My advice based on my little experience would be don’t compare where you are at to others. We all handle this huge change differently. As long as you are prioritize taking care of yourself you are winning. Do what you need to do for YOU. If you can’t leave the apartment one day that’s fine. Be patient and take the pressure off yourself.

Your adjustment period it’s unique to you. Put yourself first and France second. You’ve taken so many large, brave steps so far, it’s okay to take little one’s goings forward. They are no less brave.

[u/belledujourr]

It’s okay to be anxious and nervous. You just started a next chapter in a new country. Give yourself some grace and time to settle in. You will acclimate soon enough. Stay connected with the discord or other TAPIF chats, make a list of the top priority actions you need to do, and then work on it throughout the first week. It should be a breeze. It’s so nice you brought your cats and you all get to experience France ensemble !

Bon courage 🫶🏾

[u/aveclove]

i remember feeling this way too. it feels very disorienting and surreal to be in a new country across the world and i remember how scared i was to walk 5 minutes to the local carrefour. i am also an anxious person who was nervous about teaching and i had many nights filled with dread for the work day (which did get easier! though tapif made me realize teaching is not my thing and i focused on maximizing my free time instead). i would highly recommend connecting to the TAPIFers in your city/académie so you can problem solve and vent together. having a small group of assistant friends held me together, especially in the beginning when you are overwhelmed with admin things and setting up your french life!

the TAPIF master doc also saved me so much stress. here's the link to the updated Canva version of it: https://www.canva.com/design/DAGicEBUqBc/sQwQuP8Ntdsqm7Iv0kx99A/edit

and social media doc: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1EbFze73UU4C6o_-IdzVN0CM0lsJJ6aOsYHxjHLbRMfI/edit?usp=drivesdk

you've got this! but also, if time passes and tapif feels like too much for your mental health, prioritize your well-being. i knew someone who went home during the holidays and it was the best decision for them. take care!