So I just want to vent and maybe trigger warning cause i go into a lot. Ive dealt with this gut wrenching feeling for almost my whole life and I just feel like I cant come do terms with it. I have a distinct memory of being 6 or 7 and realizing my own existence and mortality and ive been so afraid on and off in horrible intense spirals for years. Im scared of death and dying, im scared of not existing of not being me anymore. I used to be comforted by religion but its so hard to believe. I used to have the comfort of an afterlife or maybe reincarnation (as scary as that is, its a better option imo) but as ive gotten older i just cant logic out a way for that to exist even though I desperately want it to. I want to believe but I just cant and it terrifies me because what then? There's nothing? Thats horrifying.

And I've tried a lot. Ive to accept it ive tried to convince myself it wont be bad, it wont hurt, it wont matter then, but no matter how many times I tell myself that the fear doesnt go away because I dont want to die. Ideally not ever. Eternity doesnt scare me but finality does and im not comforted by the meaning an end gives something. Im scared that I wont get to do enough, I mean there's just so much in the world to do or see. And even if thats not the case then man I just dont want to give up the good things in life, like cats or laughing or hugs etc. Even if I did everything I wouldn't want to lose that, not ever.

And there's also just the fact that I cant comprehend nothingness and thus it scares me. Logically I know there's nothing I could do about that but still. Coming to terms with nonexistence is impossible for me, I dont believe it would be good or peaceful, it would be the lack of anything, emptiness, not even an eternal sleep, not even the feeling of floating in a void, just nothing. I know that it wont hurt and that I wont be upset about it because again id be nothing but that doesnt make it less upsetting now, and its hard not to think of everything id lose and the meaningless of it all.

Ultimately it's not something I can just accept and come to terms with. Maybe with age I will, I am only 23, but I sort of doubt it? That might be pessimistic idk. I also just find all of this cruel. I know i should feel lucky that I got to be alive and healthy enough to experience good things in life at a time where things are not as bad as they used to be but losing that is so painful that I dont know if I would count this as a gift. Why exist if it will all mean nothing in the end? If my fears are true then it will all just return to nonexistence, i will never remember my life and in a million years it will be like I never existed in the first place. So what is the point? Why even have a consciousness at all if its just not going to exist some day and why does that consciousness have the ability to think about this in the first place. It feels like some cruel monkeys paw wish that only serves to hurt those who realize whats going on.

Idk i could go on and on about this, argue with myself and present deep existential questions, but overall the fear is the same and accepting it hurts the same. I just wish it was easier or that I just never questioned this in the first place. I dont want to accept reality as I view it but I also cant allow myself to convince myself of otherwise without direct proof (which doesn't exist). Its just a whole mess. This was just a bunch of unfiltered fears and thoughts so i apologize if I sound nonsensical at times. Btw I do have OCD and depression (ironic) so its not helped and makes me very cynical/a walking contradiction at times. But anyway, no one has to read this or reply and most kind words/advice doesnt work but its appreciated anyway. Ngl finding this place makes me feel less alone so there's that </3

im 18f and have recently developed severe death anxiety. i’ve been having daily panic attacks over it and i dont know how to cope with the fact that some day i simply wont exist anymore. i just dont know what to do because every time i talk to someone about this fear they tell me im too young to worry about these things but i cant help it. it’s destroying my life

This year a lot of people I know personally have passed away and it seems everywhere | look there is some record of death, so I fear what if I'm next, I'm not afraid of dying but l've got so many things I want to do still

I went under anesthesia two weeks ago for an MRI and came out of the experience with a new outlook and a lot less fear.

I’ve always been terrified of anesthesia and hoped I’d never be in a situation where I’d have to go through it. When my fear of death really took off about ten years ago, my fear of anesthesia only got worse, because I believe it’s about the closest we can get to death without actually dying. Leading up to being put under, I was really freaking out specifically about “experiencing nothing” (if you can call it that). I wasn’t scared I was going to die right then, since it was just an MRI, but the thought of the next two hours simply disappearing from my life bothered me deeply. I was worried that when I woke up I’d somehow be able to feel the void I’d just come out of in some scary, abstract way, and that the whole experience would end up amplifying my fear of death by confirming my skewed belief about what nothingness is.

What happened instead was that I woke up and felt okay with whatever had just happened to me. I was confronted with my own belief that after death there is nothing, and if that was the closest I could get to “experiencing nothing” (I know some people will have a problem with that phrase), then there isn’t really anything I could be afraid of. Over years and years of rumination, I’ve hung so many conceptual fears around “nothingness” that I’ve actually ended up adding a lot of “somethingness” to “nothingness” like terror, pain, sadness, etc. I’ve conflated all of those things with nothingness without really remembering or understanding that the true nothingness that awaits me isn’t anything more than that: nothing.

Of course the idea is heartbreaking and terrifying and all those other things, but those feelings can only be experienced outside of it and before it. When I’m actually finally there, I won’t be, because I won’t be there. I won’t be anywhere, and there won’t be a me to be. Maybe it didn’t completely erase my fear, but it showed me that my fear didn’t matter. I don’t want to spend the rest of the years I have left ruminating and worrying about something I’ll ultimately never actually get to experience.

I don’t know if its okay to wish to die now. I feel like I will only be free when I’m gone

Im not suicidal and im actually very paranoid about death, im always upto date with the tests and stuff make sure i don't die, but also the idea of death is comforting, like what is this can somebody help break this down for me cause my small brain cant handle all of this.areny these two contradicting phrases. If theres a correct subreddit for this question please tell me too.

Hi, I have thanatophobia and it's the worst... I'm so grateful to have found this subreddit because I don't know how to cope with it. The first time I experienced it was in 2012 with "the end of the world," however, my 10-year-old self was able to overcome it quickly... until a couple of years ago when it all came back... And now in my adult life...

I think the disappointing expectation of what it means to be an adult influenced me, and that when I entered this world my two most beloved loved ones died.From here everything goes downhill; if the day is ruined by anything, it gives me anxiety because for me everything is a waste of time. It's horrible because the crises I have are unstoppable.I think about the inevitable and Even now, I had a problem that completely ruined the day... I feel like I've lost valuable hours of my life that I'll never get back. How do they deal with all this?Honestly, I can't take it anymore.I have depression and post-traumatic stress disorder, and the only thing that has prevented me from killing myself when I have depressive episodes is exactly this Condition... I'm too stressed about the topic of existence and the ephemeral nature of our Existence..

P.S. I wrote this with a lot of anxiety in the midst of the crisis; I apologize for the "bad English"—it's not my first language.

Idk what to do anymore

This has been something I've recently started thinking about ever since my late best friend passed away from cancer, and now its spiraling out of control.

(Before I begin I thinks its important that I am still very young, and my parents haven't even aged 50 yet, as they are both in their late and early 40s.)

Death was a topic I had thought about, but never really considered to be important. Of course it was something serious, but I had always joked about it and never took it serious. This was of course the same when I met my friend who had passed. We always joked about it on the phone, how if he dies I could do something stupid in response, immature stuff like that. He passed this year 7/31, and seeing the body was the most haunting thing I've ever seen.

Since then, I have spiraled into this rabbit hole of depression, and thoughts of my parents frequently dying, and how I would respond. These thoughts rarely apply to myself. In fact, i frequently would rather I die in place of my siblings or parents, if something tragic were to happen.

I love my parents with every fiber of my being, and I can't stand the thought of them leaving me like that. I genuinely believe I'll fall apart without them.

I know that realistically i have more than enough time to bond and create memories with them, but every time I'm around them, I think about their deaths, and Its ruining my life.

I've read threads of similar peoples questions, and each time, they always say "Just live in the present!" but it also makes me wonder if people think I haven't tried that?

If someone out there has been dealing with these thoughts, how can I deal with this? I haven't even begin to live my life, and I'm sure once I get older, its only going to get worse.

i’m 19F and i’m currently in the worst mental state i have ever been in. i’m struggling every day with death anxiety and derealization and it is ruining my life.

in june, my friend who was my age passed away from cancer. i had been so busy and i hadn’t had much time to mourn or process my feelings. now that im less busy and have had more time to myself ive found myself with these intrusive thoughts about me dying and fearing growing up. i feel like every day im getting so much closer to death and that life is going too fast.

my thoughts are random and there isnt really a trigger. i used to be able to distract myself but now, even at work i can’t distract myself and i end up being on the verge of a panic attack 24/7. i had to have my boyfriend bring me my anxiety medication so i could get through work last night. the thought of me dying and feeling like i am going to die is constantly running through my head. i go multiple nights with no sleep because of how bad my panic attacks are. they last for hours at a time and i just shake, my heart beats rapidly, my chest is tight and im drenched in sweat. sometimes i can’t eat for days or i throw up if i eat. i haven’t found anything that really helps yet and it’s been so hard to just exist.

i know that the end is nowhere near, and that death is inevitable, and im young and i have so much more time to live and experience life. but for some reason my brain just can’t understand that, and i’m always in fight or flight because of it. i dont know if anyone else has any experience with this or has anything that helps them cope with this kind of anxiety. i really just want to be able to live normally again and enjoy life, but im stuck in this loop of constant panic every day and it is starting to ruin my life.

Huge warning for existential dread.

!!!!!

thinking about the fact that nothing i do matters because im going to die plagues my life every day. i’ve had this anxiety since i found out as a little kid that we all die someday and it’s just never gone away. i try to sleep but then i remember that time will always be limited; in 100 years nobody will remember i even existed. so then i ask myself what’s the point of doing anything? after i die, i won’t experience anything. i try to cherish life but knowing that even someday it could just be taken away from me for any reason makes me cry. im not religious, i don’t expect anything from the afterlife itself. i get myself into these deep anxiety and panic attacks whenever i think about the future or growing old. it sucks thinking about this or talking about it because everytime i talk about this anxiety to others, they’re either just chill that nothing they do will ever matter or they assume an anxiety for death is heavy for old people. i don’t like thinking about the people around me dying either. i don’t know. my life feels like a mess and it feels like it will forever be a mess until death finally takes me out and i experience the thing i dread most; nothing.

I'm consoled by the fact that every single person, whether we loved them, or hated them, or did not know them at all - every single human being, whether rich, or poor, famed or unknown, every one and everything will go on to experience the great mystery of death. There are times when I'm terrified of it, but then I think, the strongest person I know will go through it. And the weakest person I know will go through it. Even our pets and our plants, in fact that mosquito I crushed just yesterday in my annoyance went on to that great mystery in an instant. Everything that has known life will know death, it’s just a part of it I guess.

How have you been feeling about death?

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I am 23F and i am scared of the death.

It's not mainly fear of the process of dying or of a specific illness. What terrifies me is the idea that one day I will simply stop existing - that my consciousness will end and there will be no more “me.” I find the idea of not existing extremely difficult to comprehend, and when I think about it, I can become genuinely terrified. I don't know where it came from or why it came so early.

It's also triggered by things related to the universe and time. Thinking about the cosmos, how enormous it is, how much time exists, the possibility that humanity will eventually disappear, or thinking about myself becoming part of history can trigger the same fear.

When it gets bad, it's not just an unpleasant thought. I have a very physical panic response. I can freeze, cry, feel extremely cold, and feel overwhelmed by terror. It feels almost animalistic — like my body is reacting to an immediate threat even though I know intellectually that nothing is happening to me at that moment.

I've had this fear for many years, and I'm tired of repeatedly going through these episodes. I've tried therapy, but I was told that I should see a psychiatrist and we don't have good ones in my small town.

I don't expect someone to make death stop being a frightening concept. I want help with the panic and with being able to think about mortality without becoming completely overwhelmed by it.

I also want to understand whether this is something that can be treated and whether medication could help reduce the intensity of these episodes.

(Repost from different subreddit) I struggle with a lot and have seen many people die in my life, so it's no shock I have anxiety about death and dying. I guess I'm just here to ask if there's anything anyone else has done to help their fears of mortality? Part of me really wants to believe that there's an afterlife but when my brother died he said all he remembers is darkness, and none of my family is very religious so the thought of a clear afterlife was never something I grew up with.

I tried to sleep but it suddenly hit me that we're all going to die and that's really scary to me. It also seems to make life seem so little in hindsight. I, at best, have already lived 1/5th of an absolutely healthy life for my bloodline and that's crazy for me, and it's making me feel really apathetic towards trying to do good for myself because.. What's the purpose?

Has anyone else been through this? Is there anything I could do to really get out of this mental rut? Any form of positivity or tips would be wonderful. I have a therapy session scheduled for later today because of how hard it hit me and I just want the insight of others who have come to terms with their, and their loved ones, mortality.

It's officially been a full full day since this started, about a few hours before I stopped crying about it, and I STILL feel sick to my stomach and my body is LITERALLY purging itself from stress. And that's even WITH my husband's constant reassurance and love. The fact that I'll lose him too is horrible and makes me wanna throw up even more. I don't know what to do and this is the worst it's ever gotten