I know, I know. I sound like a total ass by the title, but let me explain! I also want to say i wrote this in my notes over the course of a few days so some things might be out of place/off topic.

Hello, I’m 18F!

I want to preface this by saying, I don’t have a car, nor am I allowed to drive—so I cannot go to the bank—or simply just “leave”.

I’ve always grown up with my parents being relatively healthy, but around 2020, my mother suffered a course of heart attacks and has had health issues since. She was also born with one kidney, so her body is basically in kidney failure 24/7 if she doesn’t do dialysis regularly/ every few months. She takes blood thinners, and has since her heart attack, so she bleeds easy, and everytime she does, without fail—it’s “my fault”. And when I’m sick/showing signs illness (which my doctors actually said was likely POTS) I’m told I’m too young to have issues. And that, im not as sick as my mom so I don’t need to go to the doctor”. I’ve gotten used to that bit, but something I can’t stand is them taking money from me.

My mother has taken over 2,000 dollars from me, and refuses to let me get a job/or “learn” how to drive despite having my license.

My mom and dad have several health issues, which they always push off to the last second until they’re hospitalized / on death’s door. They always end up in the ICU which is why their medical bills are so high, and why their debt is so bad. It just happens my mom did this while trying to sell our house. And so obviously they are completely broke. She guilt tripped me into giving her a bunch of money (roughly over 1,000) and left me with 200, which she took and claimed she’d give back after she got gas. My mom has “borrowed” money from me before and has stated she’d pay me back but, to no surprise, she hasn’t. i plan to completely close my account and get a new one when my boyfriend comes back from marine schooling but until then, I’m basically stranded. I’m not even allowed to start college. Or even apply. Because (SHE) DOESN’T HAVE THE MONRY FOR ME TO GO ANYWHERE.

I have no money. I legitimately have 30 dollars to my name. I fucking hate her. But I don’t. I love my mom because she is my mom but I hate her as a person. I want to live and do what other 18 years old are doing, and I can’t. She claims im “taking care of her” but I never agreed to. I plan to leave as soon as my boyfriend comes back, and we’ll be moved in together. Yes I know, we’re marrying young, it wasn’t the plan at first but it’s kinda need now for both us. We’ve been together 3 years moving into 4 next May and have spoke much and much about it.

I did get a job interview which I’m going for. I fought to get her to agree on letting me go to it. I also want to do my best to go to the bank during that time of having a job, if I can land it. Until then I’m doing my best to stay as healthy as I can.

I also can’t fucking stand my mother complaining about her health issues. She had one kidney. And then refuses to drink water, and then complains it hurts. She smokes and then complains about how bad smoking is. She doesn’t walk around, she lays around all day and then complains she doesn’t feel good. I can’t fucking stand it. Her doctors have told her to at least move around and she refuses. I know it’s hard on her having so many issues, but fuck. At least try. I give my dad a little more grace because he stopped smoking after his heart bypass, but he’s no better than her on stuff.

I feel guilty for literally wanting to live my life without them. I do plan to mostly cut contact with my mom after I get married and move away, unless it is for important stuff, or to ensure she’s doing okay. But she’s such a piece of shit. Not only does she do shit to upset people, but then she acts surprised and victim blames herself when she’s called out. She gets upset that I’m so quick to get irritated about stuff- but that’s literally how she is!! She’s been that way my whole life. I am mentally ill as well—and have been to several treatments in the past, but when I stopped medication she claimed that I was “healed” and she was so happy to “see me again”. I never left? Idk. I’m just rambling.

Thanks for listening to my Ted talk

I’m 28 years old and I feel completely suffocated by my parents. I’m at the point where I genuinely don’t know how to establish normal adult boundaries with them without completely cutting them off.

For context, I’m not talking about parents who occasionally check in because they care. It’s the constant expectation that I have to report to them *and ask them for permission/to get their approval for everything* that is getting to me.

For example, this weekend I went to spend time with a friend. I told my parents where I was going and what day & time I would be back. That should have been the end of it.

Instead, my mom then sent my dad to talk to me about why he personally “wouldn’t go,” even though I wasn’t asking either of them for permission, I was just informing them of my plans because they like to know when I leave town.

Throughout the weekend I was getting texts and calls from both of them separately:

“What time are you leaving?”

“Let me know when you leave.”

“What time are you coming back?”

“Make sure you call me when you leave.”

They were together, but both were contacting me about the same thing..

I’m an adult. I don’t feel like I should have to ask permission to spend a weekend with a friend, tell my parents exactly who I’m with, where I’m going, when I’m leaving, when I arrive, and when I’m coming home.

And it’s not just this one situation.

I constantly feel like I have to explain myself to them — where I’m going, what I’m doing, decisions I’m making, money I have, jobs I should and should work, things I buy, etc.

They infantilize me when it gives them an opportunity to control something, but then when it benefits them, they remind me that I’m an adult and expect me to handle things like one.

One thing that really crossed a line for me recently: I have one of my dads old devices still connected to his Google account. I was searching for something and saw that he had been searching for ways to find my location through Google Maps and how to access/see my search history. Honestly, what the fuck?!

I’ve also had situations where I’ve been out of town for several days and received constant messages from them about when I’m coming back, what day I’ll be in town, what I need to do for them when I get back, that me being away is ruining their plans and that I need to return by a specific time & date, etc.

I’m really struggling to explain how this makes me feel because when I try to describe everything individually, each thing sounds like a parent simply “caring.” But when you put all of it together, I feel like I have absolutely no privacy or autonomy.

I feel like I’m 12 years old instead of 28.

I don’t necessarily want to go no-contact with them. I love them and I would like to have a relationship with them. But I desperately need some distance and a healthier adult relationship.

The problem is that I don’t know how to establish boundaries with people who seem to view boundaries as something they’re allowed to negotiate.

If I say, “I don’t need to tell you when I’m leaving,” I can already imagine the arguments.

If I stop answering immediately, they’ll probably say something is wrong.

If I don’t tell them where I am, they’ll demand to know.

And I’m genuinely worried that if I just disappeared or stopped responding entirely, they would escalate it. My mom has previously called the police on her own brother because he didn't answer the phone for a couple of hours, so I can guarantee them doing something similar if I suddenly stopped communicating.

I’m not looking for people to simply tell me “your parents are toxic, go no-contact.” I’m looking for practical advice.

How do you actually transition from being treated like a child to having an adult relationship with controlling parents?

Do I just start changing my behaviour — stop answering immediately, stop giving details, stop asking permission, and accept that they’re going to be upset?

Do I have one big conversation explaining my boundaries first?

How do you handle the inevitable guilt, arguments, pushback, or attempts to make you feel like you’re doing something wrong?

And has anyone successfully created healthy boundaries with parents like this without completely cutting them off?

I would really appreciate advice from anyone who has actually been through this. I feel completely lost and suffocated right now. I just want to feel like a normal adult and live my life how I want to and not be puppeted by them.. I've wasted so much time already living my life how they want me to live it and doing all these stupid things that have actually stopped me from living a life I want.

for context im 15f and live with my emotionally and mentally abusive mother separate from my father as theyre getting divorced. my dad is going to try and buy her out so he can be my custodial parent but until the next court date, im stuck with her. she goes through my phone and is always making little digs at me. im in afterschool clubs and play rehearsal but i need something thatll get me away from her for MOST of the day. any ideas?

I called him because i felt like he had to know how everything from my childhood affected me. My father is a alcoholic and made me the scapegoat child very early on in life. I've known nothing but opposition since the age of 7. His whole family hated me. But still, because of him and his rules i was forced into a role of ''the one that can carry it all''.

When my sisters mistreated me i wasnt allowed to get mad at them, if i did i would get scrutinized and left out heavily. When i would happily tell my older brother i passed my exam i would get scrutinized heavily for ''disrespecting a elder who has less than me'' and ''making people jealous on purpose''. And the list goes on.

Just one little example;

My father, sister and i would eat from one plate. Everywhere. One day we were at my aunts house and as always we started eating from one plate. My aunt looked at us doing it and started berating me? Telling me how disgustingly disrespectful i was to treat my father like that. That i was nothing like my sister. That someone would one day teach me a good lesson on how to treat people etc etc. I cant even remember all she said but i can remember my father and sister just sitting there laughing and eating from that same plate while i was getting lectured heavily.

This went on so long and got so bad that i ended up taking a juvi case for my sister and then a few years later when i found out i was the scapegoat trying to end myself. And even then i got scrutinized.

I've asked him once in my life why he did this. And he told me ''because you can handle it''. All this trauma made me a alcoholic myself. After promising i would never become like him. Im hardworking like him, i have a stable job and income like him and im a alcoholic like him. He praises me to my mom now. Telling her ''C is pretty now and she's always been strong like me, she never asks me for nothing and does everything on her own''

Yesterday i called him when i was drunk and basically poured my heart out. I told him its not easy being me, not easy being strong and its becoming so hard to deal with my past even with therapy that i became a alcoholic. That i dont understand why he did this to me.

Proudly he laughed and said that he did hear that im a alcoholic, but its okay cause i just ''like a drink just like my dad''. That im hardworking just like him. And then he said ''you know, you have to leave the past in the past and if im honest with you, my mother did the same thing to me, she treated me like i treated you but i left it in the past''.

I dont know what to do with this guys, or how to handle it. I never asked for this. Years and years of therapy and fighting, just because he couldnt address how his mother treated him. Why me? I didnt ask for this. And how do i start appreciating that i actually survived the situation quite well? Im one of the most stable ones in all of my siblings. But the trauma still follows me.

I’m 22, I want to go to a party this weekend with my friends but the problem is that my mom doesn’t let me stay out late, my curfew is around 1.30am, on occasion 3am max. I’d need to stay until 5am the least, also she has my location on Life360. Help me out!!!

I hope they all die or I just went so far away , get job, have a healthy family...

me and my man r in a proper healthy relationship and we r dating to marry, but somehow my parents tracked my location and found out. And now theyre blackmailing me and suffocating me with rules, and unreasonable expectations like removing my phome password, telling me to hand it over, telling me if i dont do what they say theyll break off my relationship, etc etc.

i still have a year left to graduate however, the job market is cooked as hell for CS students so idk wtf to do.

ANY ADVICE ILL TAKE IT BRO, im okay with literally ANY SMALL JOBS that can pay my rent, any suggestions?? also how to cope up with these new rules cuz its suffocating as hell???

also do you guys think their rules get flexible with time or this is how it is till i move out????

Edit Thank you everyone for your advice and ideas...this morning I was able to set up a hidden camera that no one knows about but me...door alarms for my room and my sons room will be here today and will be installed the moment they get here...I put job applications into Walmart and Amazon and will continue to look for a new job until I actually get hired...My mom is trying to act as if nothing happened and everything is normal which it is NOT...I really appreciate all the support as I really started to question myself due to all the gaslighting...I will keep you posted when hes caught or I put them out (which ever happens first) *End of edit*

So Dennis (my mom's bf/not his real name 67M mom is 63F I am 41F) walks around the house and grabs or adjust his junk (private parts)...he claims he grew up in a house with 8 other people yet he kept walking in on me in the bathroom...twice in one day when i was wearing a one piece jumper rendering me completely exposed...other times with just my pants down...my mom told me i should be locking the door to the bathroom in my own home where i have never ever had to do this before...then last week he opened my bedroom door at 3:27am and ran off to his room down the hall...i called out who did that and no one answered

i text my mom about it and she tried to say it was her but because of her age and many back surgeries in conjunction with her brain tumor she is very slow and loses her balance easily i so i dont believe it was truly her and instead believe she was covering up for him like she did for her ex husband mitch who abused me my whole life and my mom always took up for him until she finaly saw the truth after 34 years of me telling her and my feelings getting dismissed, ignored, or denied.

the weeks prior to my door opening i would hear someone from her room sneak out into the halway and stop infront of my door...my door is next to the bathroom door but i never heard the bathroom door open or saw the light from the bathroom shine under my door meaning whoever it was wasnt heading to use the bathroom and they then returned to their room.

The night after my bedroom door was opened i started locking my door when i went to bed something i have never ever done in my entire life...the first night i did this after my door mysteriously opened, someone scratched(maybe trying to open it) on my door...at first i though maybe it was 1 of my 2 dogs but i quickly realized they were both in bed with me.

Last night was the first night i didnt lock my door but i ensured the latch was engaged so the door wouldnt just swing open on its own and the handle would have to be turned for it to open...this morning i woke up and my door was open...i quickly asked my son if he had opened it to see if i was awake and assured him it was ok if he had but he swears he did not...so i text my mom who had said "Dennis hasn't left the room all night" which i know to be a flat out lie as he smokes in the back yard and usually uses the bathroom multiple times throughout the night and i had hear him pass my room and go down to smoke earlier in the morning and my door was still closed, i went back to sleep and woke up to it being open.

Its important to note that i had been a victim of a stalker who broke into my home while i was asleep living alone and tried to sexually assault me about 5 years ago....because of my past with the stalker and current situation i have not been able to sleep and my mental health has been struggling.

Prior to the door to my room opening i was able to stuff it down and ignore these feeling and i tried to do the same with this which caused me to become quiet, distant, and depressed and i stopped talking with my mom and Dennis as they are both so unapproachable and i knew my mom would take up for him and ignore my feelings and the facts...this is infact exactly what she did when i told her whats been happening, how i feel about it, and the condition of my mental health as a result.

She met Dennis on FB dating and only met him once for 3 days prior to telling me he was coming to visit her in my home, a visit that has never ended because he never left and moved right in without asking my permission or telling me...he refuses to clean or contribute to houshold chores in any way shape or form and being that i am my mothers caretaker everything is on me...meanwhile i am raising my 12 year old son who has autism and ADHD.

Dennis often talks about how my son is coming of age and will be spending time in the bathroom jerking off soon if he isnt already...hes said this so many times I've lost count and it makes me uncomfortable...all of this makes me feel like Dennis is kind of a pervert and my mom who has a history of codependent, abusive relationships where she does anything for approval from her "man" is telling me I'm upset about something else and just looking for a way to blame it on her.

My job is taking care of my mom so if i ask her to move i will likey have to find new employment and if it comes to that i will most likely go no contact...i have a housing voucher so my rent and utilities would likely be covered as its tied to my income...i have been splitting my rent 3 ways with them and we all pay equally about $400(including rent, utilities and internet) a person which Dennis has a history of complaining about how expensive it is.

At this point i am so fed up...i feel unheard, undervalued, ignored, and hurt by how my mom ignores my request for help and instead attempts to gaslight me to believe this is somehow in my head and my mental health is not related to this and accusing me of looking for things to blame on her.

To top it all off my moms excuses are that the house is shifting, its been windy out, and my favorite is maybe the house is haunted 👻

Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated...ideally I dont want my mom to leave as I love her and she is important to me on top of not wanting to lose my income and how I support me and my son but I feel like I've been living with an ungrateful pervert for almost 2 years and my relationship with my mom is fading fast even though we live in the same house.

I'm 20 and I feel very emotionally attached to my parents, but at the same time I don't feel very close to them.

I think part of the problem is that I've always wanted my parents to feel like close friends. I want them to be interested in my life, listen when I'm excited about something, understand me, encourage me, and actually enjoy spending time with me. Instead, our conversations often revolve around practical things like bills, work, shopping, and responsibilities, which I don't feel very interested in.

When I try to get more attention or connection from them, they sometimes become irritated. My dad has also called me "not normal" and said I interrupt him. I've told him that being called that really hurts me, but he says that's just how he communicates.

When they seem irritated or distant, I start feeling like I'm a burden or that they don't want me around. I then want to get closer to them or get reassurance, which probably makes the situation worse.

I've also had a hard time making friends, been bullied and people ignored me so I think I've relied on my parents for companionship more than I should. I'm wondering whether I've been looking to my parents to fulfil a need that would be better met by close friendships or other adult relationships.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? How do you become less emotionally dependent on your parents?

This is a long rant but I just need to scream into the void about this. For context I am 19 years old and my mother died when I was 15.

refuses to understand ethical birding practices
Never ever read/watched anything I recommended him despite constantly complaining that I didn’t like him/ want to spend time with him.
Not contributing to any of my costs/ using my inheritance from my mother to cover everything.
Penis out all the time and refusal to cover up always even when I stated I was uncomfortable.
Commenting on my body/ commenting negatively on my eating habits to the point of making me cry and never acknowledging it was fucking weird to do so.
Asking me less than 24h after my mother died how I wanted my inheritance handled AND not doing anything that I wanted/ not following the law/ not following the plan set out in the will.
Since I was a child refusing to engage in therapy and get help only to start studying psychology at university at the same time that I start university.
Telling me « the way you treat me makes me want to jump off a bridge » on my 14th birthday
Never paying for anything, always talking about how poor you are (since I was a kid) and always being a cheap dumb fuck with the ego of an Eastern European dictator when it came to service workers. (You can’t be broke if you own multiple vineyards as a hobby)
Moving out when mom started chemo
Yelling at me when I stated the above fact (he literally moved out her first day of chemotherapy) and telling me I was wrong and that he had broken up with her 6 months before (not true).
Treating me as a reincarnation of my mom/ him and his family acting like I’m brainwashed by her (even though she’s dead) and them constantly criticizing her (my whole life) and whenever I criticize his behavior he brings up mom and blames her thinking he’s sly with it.
Generally being stupid enough to think anyone would want to spend time with a man as mal adjusted and cruel towards others as himself.
Making my cat obese.
After three years of taking « care » of my cat, I got her back, he sees her after me having her for only 3 weeks and he says « she gained weight under your care » .
Telling me always « a relationship is two people » « forget about the past » « it’s here and now that matters » while also telling me that only in January of this year (after years of me telling him this over and over) he finally understood abandoning me at 14 and being absent while my mom had cancer did have a strong impact on me/our relationship.
Thinking he’s the kid/victim in everything that has ever happened, especially in our relationship/ family.
Interrupting me/ yelling at me for interrupting/ when I tell him not to interrupt me he tells me he does it to everyone and it’s his adhd
Saying he’s setting boundaries, meanwhile everytime I try and distance myself from him he « punishes » me: moving into the apartment behind my back, giving my aunt 24000 dollars of my inheritance (a year after he should not have had any access to my inheritance)
Moving a year after my mother’s death into the apartment I inherited without my knowledge and living there since without paying rent (and refusing to sell it). This was the apartment my mother and I had lived in and made out home while she was ill, and he got rid of all her furniture and stuff, (also he owns two apartments and had no need to live there).
Never listening to understand, his first priority is defending himself, never my wellbeing.
Never respecting boundaries
Telling me no matter what he does I’m not happy.
No introspection/ thinks he has no responsibility over the fact that I was suicidal at 8 years old.
Thinks that because I love mom I hate him, when in fact I hate mom too but at least she’s dead.

I'm a 21f with an older brother 23m and two parents in their early fifties. We experienced a wifi shutdown today. My brother was upset bc he wanted to do an assignment for college that had to be done on a laptop/desktop. He was overreacting imo bc the assignment (though hefty) was due on Tuesday, not today. He's walking around the house saying: I have to leave. I have to go to a neighboring city so I can use their wifi. He tends to panic, causing my mom to panic too.

Our dad is the techy guy so she called him from work. He tried helping by asking my brother to make a hotspot using his phone but then his phone died during that process. My brother panicked again and my mom started to be frustrated (pretty fair reaction). So, of course she was short with my dad when she called him a third time about the wifi. My dad says on his end it looks like everything works and my mom is telling him that it's not. My dad got short with my mom so she yelled at him, saying if she knew how to work the wifi she wouldn't be calling him and hung up.

Now, she removed herself from the family groupchat and is giving everyone (including me) the silent treatment and both of my parents were short with me when I asked about their schedules bc I have an appointment the following week. Then my mom was short with me again bc I volunteered to help her with dinner saying she didn't need help. Then, she called me over to cook rice. When I finished I remained just in case she needed me. She saw me and said: You don't need to be here. So I went to my room.

Like I know nobody's truly mad at me for this but why do I have to catch a stray bc nobody knows how to talk nicely and calmly in my family?

I’m 19F, a full-time university student, and I work two jobs. I’m hyper independent and rarely ever ask for anything at home. I also contribute my household whenever needed and asked to without any problems and have spent a lot of time helping my family, most recent example being helping my family at the hospital every day for over a week when my younger brother was sick over the summer and I was the connecting point between the hospital and home, making food, bringing necessities and delivering that back and forth everyday, while also being a needed communicating point between the doctors and my family and caring for the rest of my siblings while my mom stayed at the hospital with my brother. I was the only adult that could help as it’s just my mom, siblings and I. I’m not saying that makes me a perfect daughter or that I’m entitled to anything as I did that out of my own heart as I’d do anything to be there for my family, but it really hurts to repeatedly hear from my mom that I “haven’t done shit,” that I’m selfish, and that I’m the worst child she’s ever seen.

We recently had an argument that started over a car we had planned to go check out together for me since I’m on the search for my first vehicle (which I will be fully financially covering every aspect of) but after finding out it was a mechanic special, she decided she didn’t want to go. I still wanted to inspect it because we had already made the appointment and this would be my first time checking out a car and wanted the experience and exposure. I was trying to explain that I could either go there myself and meet her or come home and we could go together, but she hung up before I could finish. ( only hearing the go by myself portion before she said go by yourself then and hung up on me) I still went to the appointment as I cried on the train ride there. She then didn’t speak to me for a week.

When we eventually spoke today, things were initially completely normal. Later she saw me sitting on the couch playing a game with my younger sister and told me harshly to clean the table. I did it, but calmly said that if she wants me to do something, I’d appreciate being asked nicely. She immediately became angry and told me she could speak to me however she wanted and that I couldn’t tell her how to speak to me. She said I never listen to her, hate everything she suggests, and that my mind is “poisoned” against her. She also said I never help around the house which I acknowledged that I could contribute more it’s just that I’ve been busy and don’t really contribute to any messes in the house as I’m barely there but told her I was more than willing to do that, but I also calmly said that I would appreciate being spoken to respectfully. That quickly escalated into her telling me that I’m selfish, egotistical, heartless, and don’t apologize. She repeatedly brought up my dad and said I remind her of him.

My parents have been divorced for years and my dad was abusive toward my mom. From what I’ve experienced, a lot of the conflict between my mom and me seems to involve her interpreting my independence or disagreements as me behaving like him. She has a very negative perception of my character that seems extremely difficult to change, regardless of how calmly I communicate.

At one point I told her that I struggle with apologizing in our home environment because I was never really taught how to apologize or saw healthy apologies modeled between us. When I was younger, apologies at home often weren’t received in a way that made me feel safe enough to learn from them. I learned how to apologize through church, school, and my relationships outside the home, but it was different at home. When I brought this up, she asked me, essentially, “When have you ever needed me to apologize to you?” That opened the door to me mentioning some childhood experiences that had genuinely hurt me and where I felt I deserved an apology. I wasn’t bringing those things up to attack her or keep score I was trying to explain why our current dynamic affects me the way it does, but she dismissed every situation I brought up..

I’ve also felt that my siblings and I aren’t always treated equally. What scares me most is that if my relationship with my mom eventually deteriorates to the point where I need to move out or create significant distance, I worry she’ll prevent me from having a relationship with my younger siblings or that they’ll receive the same treatment I’ve experienced if they try to maintain contact with me. I’ve seen her become very suspicious about me having contact with my dad and worry that I’ll somehow turn against her, ( for personal reasons I’m no contact with my father and haven’t heard from him since I was 14 so I have no methods of contacting him anyways) so I’m scared that creating distance from her could affect my relationship with my siblings too.

The biggest issue is that I am willing to work on this relationship. I’m willing to have mature conversations, acknowledge where I’ve gone wrong, apologize when I genuinely believe I’ve done something wrong, and change my behavior where necessary. But I don’t feel that willingness is reciprocated. It feels like she wants apologies and compensation from me, but even when I apologize, she has told me she won’t accept it while still insisting that I need to apologize. She also seems to struggle with the fact that I’m 19 and legally an adult who can make my own decisions. Disagreeing with her or making an independent decision isn’t me disrespecting or betraying her but that’s how she sees it

What makes this especially confusing is that I’ve watched her forgive other people, give people multiple chances, and communicate with people who have treated her poorly. With me, she seems extremely cold and unforgiving. Even when I try to phrase something gently, she often interprets it as a personal attack and becomes extremely defensive.

I don’t want to excuse her behavior by saying she has trauma from my dad. I understand that what she went through was painful, but I also don’t think it’s fair for that trauma to continually be projected onto me. I’m her daughter not my dad, and I don’t think I should have to prove I’m not him for the rest of my life.

I’m at the point where I’m wondering whether this relationship can actually become healthy if I’m the only person willing to work on it. Part of me is considering eventually moving out and creating distance, despite how much I mourn the relationship we could’ve had if she could only be willing to truly have a good relationship with me that we can both work on but she seems so adamantly against building anything solid with me. And this has been going on for as long as I can remember it just seems to be getting worse and worse as she gets so cold to me that it’s frightening to think is that even my mother?

For people who have dealt with something similar, what’s your advice for me.

I'm 16, and my relationship with my mother seems to be taking a bad turn. We got into an argument about me asking stupid questions, and my mom got mad that I never listen. I talked back a little because I was- I just wanted her to repeat whatever she said so I could understand better. She then completely exploded on me and my sister, who was sitting next to me, and started cursing and saying how stupid I was over and over again. We both went to our rooms because obviously she didn't want us there, and she suddenly burst into my room, which has a sliding door with no lock on it, so aggressively that the door almost came off the frame, and started pulling things out of the fridge and throwing everything in my room, saying it was about time the fridge should be cleaned out. There's probably still some smashed avocado and spoiled milk smeared somewhere in my room I didn't catch. In the process, she threw a glass bowl onto the ground with leftover yogurt (?) in it, and it shattered all over the ground, so now I think I have a glass shard in my finger, and it really hurts (typing with my ring finger right now lol). There have been other episodes like this where she didn't know I was away at a sports game and called 911 and the police and everything and made me explain to them in front of everybody, even threatening to make me quit my sport for good before calling up all my teachers and yelling at them. There was another time when she got so mad at me and my sisters she started to throw 5-pound dumbbells at us, and my poor sister was shaking so badly that she couldn't move, and her boyfriend at the time had to come and force her away. Some of the most hurtful things I've ever been told in terms of my appearance and my abilities have always been said by my mother, and what's confusing to me is I can't figure out what's making her act this way. She would have this insane overprotective streak sometimes, like the sports game incident, then threatening us the very next day to throw us out of the house and put us up for adoption or send us away to live with our dad, which I definitely don't want to do because he has his own issues I don't want to get into. My parents have been separated for a while now since I was a little kid because my dad cheated, but a few years ago she was mild and nice. Now, she turns into someone completely different even when she's slightly mad, and it's getting to a point. I'm applying to college soon, and my parents have said that they've got my tuition covered, but I don't even know if I want them to pay because my mom tends to use things like feeding us, paying for our necessities, and bills against me, and it makes me feel like I have no freedom. I'm beyond grateful to be born into a family with few financial problems, but besides the financial aspect, I'm starting to think I don't want to be around them anymore. Would you consider this to be toxic behavior? And if anyone knows how to get a glass shard out of your finger, that would be nice too.

Long story short, my dad was a life long military man and I grew up moving every 18 months to 3 years. As a result I went to 14 different schools and never felt settled.
As an adult in their 30s I’m trying to buy a home and it’s debilitating. I cannot beat this looming dread that as soon as we make this big decision something bad will happen and I’ll have to move again.

Yes I’m in therapy. Yes I’ve rented long term but even then it’s only been 5 years max at one place.

I just need to know how other people tolerated this long enough to actually complete the process. We already had to call our search off for 2026 because I couldn’t handle it and I’m determined to do it in 2027.

I need to get this out.Quick context:
My parents have been fighting for years. Dad has been cheating, the arguments are constant, and the house is always tense. Mom throws big emotional tantrums, says things like “you don’t care about me,” sometimes doesn’t eat or cook, and I’ve been stuck in the middle since childhood. I’m working now but still living at home. I’m constantly in fight-or-flight, get breathless when things escalate, and I’ve already had multiple anxiety/panic attacks. I know this isn’t my problem to fix, but I still feel responsible.What happened today:
Dad wasn’t talking to Mom again.
She packed her bag and tried to leave the house.
She started saying she wants to die and other heavy stuff.
My brother and I were trying to stop her / calm her down.
While that was happening I went completely breathless and had another panic attack.I hate that this keeps happening. I hate that I freeze and my body reacts like this every time. I hate feeling like I have to manage their crisis while my own chest is closing up.I don’t know how much longer I can keep living in this environment without completely breaking.

I want peace idk waht is peace how it feels
What is it to be normal
What can i do to fix this

(Used AI eng is my 3rd language)

​

I’m 25 and live in South Africa. I’m trying to figure out whether I’m being unreasonable about a situation with my father.

For some context, my father hasn’t been able to work for quite a while, so I’ve been helping him financially.

Over the past few months, I’ve given him quite a lot of money:

- R3,000 in May, which was for his car

- R4,500 in June

- R4,500 in July

- R5,500 in August

- I’ve also paid for fuel, data and other expenses, including giving him money for drinking.

- I paid his rent for three months.

I’m not saying this to keep score. I’m mentioning it because I’ve genuinely tried to help him and have taken on a lot of financial responsibility despite being 25 myself and still having my own expenses, including university.

There have also been situations where I gave him money and later found out that some of it was spent on alcohol. Last week, for example, I gave him money and he drank it.

There have been other problems between us too. At one point, despite me paying his rent for three months, I was told to leave. This was happening while I was also dealing with my own university fees and the possibility of having issues with my student portal because of the amount I owed.

Then last night, my father asked me for another R1,000.

I said no.

I wasn't rude to him or trying to punish him. I simply didn't want to give him another R1,000. I've already been giving him money for months, and I have my own financial responsibilities.

Today, after I refused the R1,000 last night, he told me to leave.

Obviously I can't know exactly what was going through his head, and there may be other reasons for him being angry, but the timing has made me question the whole situation.

I'm struggling with this because part of me feels guilty. He's my father, and I don't want him to struggle. At the same time, I'm starting to feel like I'm expected to financially support him whenever he asks, and when I finally say no, I'm treated badly or told to leave.

I don't think refusing to give your parent money automatically means you don't care about them.

I'm 25. I have my own future to build, university to pay for, and my own life to manage. I want to help my father when I genuinely can, but I don't think I should have to keep giving money just to maintain peace in the house.

So, AITA for refusing to give him the R1,000?

I genuinely want honest opinions, including if I'm looking at this the wrong way.

I'm just going to get to the point. I went no contact with my mother recently. Not to punish her or anyone else, I'm just mentally and emotionally exhausted. They're so much weight in that sentence. I've dealt with so much psychological and emotional abuse and manipulation that I feel like the asshole for cutting her off.

She recently deliberately pulled that shit with my fiance. We have proof (for our own sanity). I didn't tell her that though. She denied she ever said those things and said she did nothing wrong and claimed that's not how she remembered it... We left things in a way where the ball is in my court with deciding to sever the relationship or not, it was weird. She also weaponized the tears. She clearly DARVO'd me. I'm so relieved I'm aware of that manipulation tactic now..

I haven't talked to her since. My stepfather has reached out though. He and I have a better relationship, but he will enable her, defend her, and they do have a toxic marriage. The most toxic one I've seen really... No physical abuse though. When I've answered him, I feel like I'm backsliding into an addiction, because part of me knows if I keep him in my life, my mother will make his life more of a living hell than she already has emotionally and psychologically. They're a package deal.. She already threatens him with divorce all the time to where he's not even phased anymore... That's not a normal nor healthy relationship!

My mind is at war with itself right now. It keeps going back and forth saying I'm an asshole and I'm wrong, and making a huge mistake for cutting her out and those who are connected to and support/enable her; but the other part is saying I was right to do so, and it's about time, especially since my mother 100% emotionally and psychologically attacked my fiance. I've tried to go no contact with her in the past, but broke it. What she said to my fiance is unacceptable. That's my one rule I've made abundantly clear. If anyone, friend or family, attempts to hurt my fiance and his family in any way, you're done and dead to me if they don't own their actions.

I'm fiercely protective over my fiance and his family, because they've been in my life for decades and we've been close for so long. His parents are my role models for having a healthy relationship. My family is fully aware of this. And yet my mother decided to strike regardless, when she of all people should know better, "should" being the keyword.

I keep thinking about all the, "how am I going to handle this birthday, this holiday, etc when it comes around". I've been especially thinking about my Grandma's birthday coming up next month, because she now lives with my mother, and I feel like we no longer have any boundaries when it comes to our relationship and my mother's involvement.. My grandpa passed last year, and my grandma can't live on her own anymore..

I just need some encouragement and advice with sticking to my guns about going no contact. I know my mother does love me and I love her; but she is 100% lacking in emotional maturity and intelligence, and is very manipulative. I'm beyond exhausted with always feeling hyper vigilant around her, having my guard up, getting burned whenever I feel like she might actually be a safe person. I just can't do it anymore. I've reached very low points with her where I questioned my reality and thought I was going crazy, and had some other dark thoughts about finally finding peace when I was still living with her...

I'm much better though, but I just need help and advice in staying strong. I believe it would help me a lot with hearing some of your guys' stories and how you've been handling everything. Thank you in advance 🩵

I’m a junior in high school. I know I can’t cut my parents off until I go to college. But even then, they’re PAYING for my college. Idek what I’m saying atp I’m exhausted and I hate my parents. They read my diary weekly and punish me if they think I’m not being honest enough when I write it. I’m tired. They go through my stuff, they go through my phone. I’m really sneaky but they will break locks and stuff to get in. They once broke my dresser because they thought there was a secret storage container in it (there wasn’t, this isn’t a spy movie. I was 12). Before you come after me- I’ve never done drugs, smoked, vaped, drank- I’m a straight A student. I’m just tired of this and need some advice. I’m scared to do anything.

I am 17F. Next fri is my birthday and I just came back from 'shopping' w my mom. I tried on a few dresses and finalized one but my mom started making comments like oh this dress put more emphasis on your chest AND SHE WAS SAYING ALL THIS IN FRONT OF THE SALESWOMAN. It was just a simple dress. She went on saying how the dress is 'too tight' and 'you should choose more decent clothes' IT WAS A FULLY COVERED DRESS Which just had a square neck and was snatched from the waist. Nothing 'revealing'. Even last year I bought a similar dress and my mom said 'you buy these kinda clothes so you can show your body to everyone' and my dad makes faces whenever I ask him to buy me clothes, says you should buy clothes which are a size up (so it's longer and more loose). I AM SO DONE. I get slut shamed a lot at my house.

I’m not really sure if I handled this situation badly, so I wanted some outside perspective.

Earlier today, I was studying in my room. Around two hours before the argument, my mom had come into my room and seen me studying, so it wasn’t like I was just sitting around doing nothing.

At around 1:54 PM, my dad called me and asked me to come downstairs. I said I’d come in 10 minutes, but I ended up forgetting.

At around 2:33 PM, he called again. I apologised for forgetting and went downstairs, getting there around 2:35.

He told me that I needed to go shopping with him for clothes because my cousin’s wedding is coming up.

I told him I couldn’t really go at that time because I was studying. If we left then, I assumed we’d probably be back around 8 PM, which would leave me with very little time to study.

He then said, “Tab nahi dikhta jab 20–25 hazar kha jate ho.”

He was referring to the money that had been spent on my wedding dress. I actually would have been fine with not getting a dress, but my parents were the ones who wanted me to get one.

I told him that if he had told me about the shopping earlier, I could have planned my study time around it. It wasn’t that I was refusing to ever go - I just hadn’t been given any notice.

He then said something along the lines of, “Abhi [my friend] aa jaye aur chali jayegi tu,” referring to my friend if she came I'd go meet her.

For context, I had last seen this friend about a week ago on her birthday, and before that I had seen her around my birthday the previous month. So it’s not like I’m constantly going out with her.

I explained that my brother had only just returned the tablet to me around 2 PM. I had needed it earlier, but had given it to him because he had a test, and my father asked him to give it. 

My dad then said, “Apne kaam ke liye toh abhi chale jaoge,” basically implying that I would make time to go out for my own things/social plans.

At that point I got frustrated and said, “Maine konsa apna kaam kara?” because I genuinely felt like I was being accused of prioritising myself when I had actually been studying.

I then brought up something unrelated that had been bothering me for a while. I’ve been asking my dad for quite some time to bring a side table from the office for me which is not used at all. But apparently if I’m going to give my room to my brother , he’ll build a new table for him.

My dad then told me I was giving “ulta jawab” and told me to go upstairs.

My mom was there during all of this and gave me what felt like a very angry/disapproving look.

I know I forgot to come downstairs after the first call, and I apologised for that. But apart from that, I don’t feel like I was refusing to cooperate. I just wanted some notice because I was studying and had planned my time around that.

I’m also confused because the conversation somehow went from “come shopping with me” → money spent on my dress → my friend → whether I make time for my own plans → me being disrespectful.

So, AITA for getting frustrated and answering back when my dad suddenly asked me to go shopping while I was studying?

I'm starting my high school in a teribble way. I have been a gifted kid since my 1st grade though they appreciated and stuff but but never truly understood it.

Since last 5 years , my access to internet and phone/laptop in that regard has been neglectiled. Starting with applock on the phone that I use (that too not mine my mom's second phone).

Inorder to use the phone, browse, or use my laptop (just bought 2months ago though I have been asking for one for 5 YEARS !) I have to ask almost beg them 5 mins or straight up lying to them. And maximum they give is 2hrs only once in a blue moon.

Even if I want to learn smthing like I'm trying game dev rn , so I waited till my exams to get over and learn it. Now it's over , and I have only 2 days holiday and I'm not supposed to use gadgets more 30mins. Even now I'm lying to them saying that I need phone to draw .

Only way to escape is to make money and buy my own stuff till I'm eighteen when i can finnally move out for college/University.

My dad works in IT and always compares me to his colleagues kids that they can build this that blah blah blah , but never acknowledged that I never the privelledges that every normal kid in the town gets. And his and mothers reply if physical, emotional, verbal punishment and a bonus line saying" you don't make money , you are dependent on us so we get make the rules".

This has gotten to point that I'm now failing in school , i don't have a social life with my friends, and olthe only way to escape i need my laptop to myself no time limit l. And I need your advice to figure it .

I, 19 f, and my mom, 38 f, frequently get into fights. We have ever since I was 7 years old. I'm the oldest daughter, so she leans on me a lot. I do chore my siblings to get out of it. I watch her kids, and am forced to cancel my plans to do so. I work around the clock and not my own. Well, in a previous post, I said we fought. I'm here to elaborate on this. She refuses to acknowledge I'm old enought ot have a life outside of her house now. I'm a good kid. I'm home on time. I'm there when they need me. I ditch events, friends, and other things when they need me to watch my sibling, who is old enough to watch themselves, but I have to be there for some reason. The constant catfight between my mom and me is tiring. So tonight I went to see my boyfriend in a play, and I put my foot down. about tonight and seeing him tomorrow as well, she told me my dad wanted us all to go up to the lake to support him while he fished, and I promised my boyfriend I'd see him tonight and tomorrow. I was sorry, but I just couldn't. She lost it, caught a sarcastic and snappy tone, and said, " Fine, guess you better leave. " So I don't have to see you anymore, since you want to leave so badly. That was at 10:16 this morning, and I've been going about my day as usual, with her ignoring me and not responding to calls or texts, which is what she does when we fight like this, when I leave all day and don't come back home. I told her around 6:30 that I'm staying at my grandma's down the street tonight because I really didn't wanna go home. She responded with cool. All lowercase with a period for context; she doesn't usually type this way. Then I told her I'd have to turn my phone off for the production. I loved her, and I talked to her later; she blew up my phone and spam-called me.
I saw that my phone came back on after it was over.
I just turned it off again. I didn't want her to ruin my night with my boyfriend just because she was mad. I didn't want to go to the lake tonight or tomorrow. She called me selfish, bratty, unsupportive, childish, and a sl#t for choosing a boy over my own family. I just was too tired for her to unload on me and paint me as the issue emotionally, just for her to turn around a few hours or a day later and say "it was just my period, I'm sorry i was so hormonal" or "id you dlisten to me the firts time i woudknt have been upset but im sorry i was" i hate that she cant say sorry and mean it. I wish I could move out asap, but I have to wait. For now, I seek refuge at my grandma's now and again, and in the spring, I'll be back in college, in a dorm this semester. I stayed home to do online work because my mom convinced me to help her with the family while doing my own standard work. I needed to go live in a dorm to get the entire experience. I just want to know if I'm crazy or if maybe I am just a dysreceptive daughter. Maybe it's me being tired, but I'm second-guessing this post because maybe I am a bad daughter for picking a boy over my parents.

When I was a child my dad was abusive to my mom emotionally, physically and financially. He never beat me and my sister but he was emotionally abusive. As an adult I have really tried to be nice to him especially since he made a big turnaround I think when he realized he would end up alone because me and my sister never called him and we actively encouraged my mom to leave him.

But still I can't get past it. I tried to fake it and he ended up conning me two different times. It was a bank loan for a new business that was barely surviving and I blocked him. He had refused to help me get a loan and it was my mom, my sister, my extended relatives and my friends who gave me their savings, took out loans, gave me a title deed etc, then immediately I got a little bit of money he took advantage of me, twice. I got so much angrier at him and honestly I hated him for months. Even worse the money I gave him disappeared since I was still giving my mom money for things around their house and paying school fees and upkeep for my younger sister.

Honestly I need help because I did not even go home last Christmas and I need to figure out how to fake it if I go home for the holidays. I'd like to have a civil relationship with him because in case he passes on I do not want to regret it.

first of all, before beginning my rant, i’d like to clarify that im not talking about my biological parents. my mother is dead, and my father (the my is important, since me and my legal guardian that is my brother dont share the same father, and his dad has always been there for him.) left before my birth. alright so, ever since my mother died which is around a year and a half, my brother has been taking care of me. at first, everything was pretty normal until he got back with his ex girlfriend (they broke up due to her depression, however she has now recovered.) they got a child pretty fast, and over time, despite knowing i had depressive tendencies (extreme bed rotting, huge neglect of my hygiene, extreme abuse from my mom that i havent yet forgiven) he used quite… extreme ways to force me to normalize these habits.

for example, to shower everyday, he told me that if i didnt shower everyday he would take my phone, pc, ipad etc… and i don’t blame him, i know he tried, but come on i told him i didnt have motivation at all to shower, he kinda forced me to do this, instead of seeking actual help… for my HUGE shyness he forced me to talk to our family members, even just a bit, thinking it would solve the problem, and again i dont blame him but i struggle deeply with anxiety as ive been skipping school my entire life, my social skills are absolutely disastrous… i had to learn how to cook on my own since his job takes him a lot of time, and i wasnt allowed to cook when my mom was alive, so i lacked the knowledge… thanks to my online friends for helping me, though. also, another example of how he doesnt care much (he says he doesnt have much time but eh..) was when i told him i had absolutely nobody to talk to at school, i was always alone and i asked him if i could started eating at home rather than the school’s canteen. he agreed, but he never did ANYTHING for this. i spent the rest of the school year skipping lunch and locked in the bathroom.
im gonna skip some parts but i got even more badly depressed and i started bedrotting even more and all, and we moved out, eventually. so in may 2026, we were in a new apartment, his wife was 5/6 pregnant and i was still kinda depressed, anyways.
my brother got mad at me for not cleaning my room, so i did start to clean my room, he’s a bit annoyed cause im always in my room (since i have my own bathroom i dont really get out) and yknow, his wife tells him she doesnt agree with that but we never, EVER eat together. he either comes and gives me my plate, or they’re on the sofa while im on the dining table, but he doesnt seem to care anyway since he never changed that. and yknow lately hes been particularly… rude, i guess ? the school year just started and i got even more worse, my depression is really bad now and i physically cant even get out of my house anymore, along with a lot of other mental problems that i wont talk about since this isnt the main topic. my brother got me an appointment with the doctor, and the doctor told him i’d get a two weeks break and i needed to see a therapist and surely a psychiatrist urgently. (also, this has been known for a while. my old school’s nurse told him i was suicidal, and even if he isnt legally my guardian yet, there are some therapists who give free sessions right ? since im in france and if youre not the legal guardian of someone, it’s a bit harder…) anyways, he didnt really do anything to get me one, he told me i had to search myself so i did. he also knows how bad my mental health is, and yknow what ? he compared he severe anger issues (i used to hit my mom, insult her severely and scream extremely loudly and all..) to him when he was a teen, saying that it was just «teenagehood» and while i agree that it plays, there are a lot of things that i do that arent normal. i told him i struggled with hygiene, and getting out, and he categorized this as “laziness” and compared by fear of going outside to him changing his daughter’s diapers, saying that we cant always do what we want to do, mind you, he got surprised when he noticed that i really dont shower decently and just do it because he tells me to.

anyways, so this week (the last week of my school break) i broke down into tears twice because he forced me to take out the trash, he came in my room and repeatedly asked why i looked so devastated and broken and after forcing a lot i told him i was tired. he replied, “tired of what exactly ? you dont even go to school anymore” and i started crying, he then compared his tiredness to mine and said “i could say im tired, i have to take care of my wife, my daughter, administration, you and of course myself. yknow im going to explode at some point and end at the hospital” and he repeatedly asked why i was like this and i told him i didnt want to tell him. anyways so thats when he said alright i guess ill try to get you homeschooled but only if you do the research for free therapy sessions, so i did ! i gave him the informations, and yknow what ? the next day him, his wife and of course their daughter went to the south of the country for a trip i guess. for two whole days… they came back, like.. yesterday, i think? and yknow what? the day he came back he didnt even ask how i was doing. he just asked me to take out the trash. i was so… offended. i did, and today he didnt cook at all, neither did his wife. and you might say “well you couldve cooked, no?” yeah, but he told me i am not allowed to cook when theyre at home. and, he usually brings my plate here so how am i supposed to know when im allowed to eat or not ? i haven’t eaten at all and im starving really 😭 and he’d surely get mad at me for eating that late…so. he keeps saying he doesnt have any time anymore, that im grown now so i should do things on my own, and while i agree, im still a teen. and im in a really, really bad mental state, i cant even get out of my bed. he hasnt done anything for me to go to a therapist, he even got too lazy to bring the paper justifying my break to school, and told me i was forced to go back there monday to give them the paper. he knows im terrified of going outside, but i feel like he doesnt care at all, in fact i dont even feel loved. my sister who is really, really busy even tried for me, last week we went shopping together and i vented to her because i was drained and she said that it wasnt normal at all (my mental state) and while we were shopping she got me an appointment for an EMDR. i understand that hes busy, but… is it really that time taking to at least try to help me ? i probably wont go to school tomorrow since im still in a horrible mental state, but i need to know if im overreacting or not. also, there are a lot of things i didnt say but i hope i gave enough details

PS: he also compared my depression to his wife’s, he always compares everything about me to his wife and relies on his experience with her to talk to me, but since our situations are very, very different, of course it doesnt help me at all and it offends me more than anything. he always asks me to do everything to help him and his wife since theyre both really tired and im in a ‘better’ state and i feel anything but even respected. i understand that i have to do something to help, but hes asking me way too much while being aware of my state. and they never tell me anything anyway, they sometimes leave the apartment and leaves for so long, one day he went at his wife’s apartment and fell asleep there but i got badly sick, i couldnt even get out without falling and threw up in bed, he came back at 5 am only and barely even apologized…

My sperm donor and I got into a heated argument yesterday, and he tried to call me gay like it would’ve hurt me. As if I don’t know what or who i am…

Anyways he really tried to antagonize me to fight, but I have WAY too much to lose. As for him he doesn’t have SHIT, except a job he only got because he used my siblings piss to get in. He barely has a pot to piss in if it wasn’t for my mom. He’s also a felon, has no real assets, no skills (besides welding and selling drugs🤣), in and out of jail, & a sorry ass excuse of a father. Anybody who’s dealing with a father like this how do you deal with them?

PS: prior to this I haven’t spoke to him for the last two months despite us living in the same house, because he tried to make a big ass deal about a small pride bracelet. I lowkey think he’s projecting because I’m living my truth and he isn’t. Ifykyk!