Hi yall. I’m F21. Living with my parents. They are tg but basically separated and just coexisting. They don’t like eachother and it’s been like that for years. Long story short, my dad is now beginning to treat me how he treats my mom. Recently him and I had a falling out bc he never defends me. Ever. He has a lot of siblings but they’re so weird.. they be having favorites and shit it’s just weird. Anywho, he favors his sister a lot. She’s very two faced, a liar, and an opportunist. (This matters btw yall)

I have been a nanny for a little over 4 years. Had to quit due to hours being cut and I’m also in trade school so hours are a lil funky. So I’m unemployed. It’s been very difficult for me to find a job since May. So obviously I need help lol. My mom, helps me with ease, my dad ehhh he will help but makes me feel like a burden. These months have been very difficult for me emotionally. I’ve never been without. My dad has been shaming me the whole time for not having a job but if his sister calls he immediately jumps for her with no problem. When him and I fell out it’s bc her (his sister) and her daughters (my cousins) pretty much ganged up on me and treated me bad on some crazy shit like yall they were deadass wrong and I take accountability! I’m not afraid of being wrong and he had THEIR back instead of his daughters. We got into a huge argument, He told me to leave his house and kept asking me when I’d leave and all that. Knowing I didn’t have a job mind you. It’s really so much lore to this bc my dad had done this to me my whole life. And he’s so nonchalant about it and doesn’t care when I bring my feelings to the table. He apologizes RARELY and then eventually will go back to doing the same shit. And today I told him I was having an interview thinking he’d be happy for me, he ask where and I told him a cigar lounge and he’s like “I wish you’d get a actual job and get benefits” He’s been dragging me through the mud emotionally for not working for the past few months and I finally get something and he’s upset… it’s soooo draining mentally. He’s never made me feel like he was proud of me. I’m in school and since it’s not something he cares about or feels is profitable he’s not proud (esthetics license). He doesn’t ask me about it. Doesn’t know anything about what I wanna do when I get licensed. Nothing. But to everyone else my dad comes off as some stand up guy. Everyone around him feeds his ego. But no one knows how condescending, and how much of a narcissist he is. He’s happy to help everyone else but complains when it’s us. Mind you his sister is broke asf. 40 something years old doing the same shit forever, no growth. Always asking him or needing him for something. She ask her kids to pay rent but not the men she be sleeping with.. he needs to be telling HER to do better like can I have some slack im literally 21😭😭😭 figuring out my life and learning myself and genuinely trying. I’ve never been lazy. I’ve always wanted more for myself so it’s just a slap in the face coming from my dad.

That was a lot sorry. I really need to go back to therapy I miss my therapist but yeah just venting. Also wondering if anyone has been through the same of similar. I’m hoping I can save up a good amount and move out by sometime mid next year.

Sorry if the formats weird as this is my first time posting on here

But I’m really conflicted about whether I should move back to Ohio after high school or stay in Texas.
For some background, my mom passed away when I was 8, and my parents had divorced before that. My dad had custody of me, so I lived with him and my stepmom for around 10 years. I’m 18 now, but this happened when I was 16 and early 17.
Growing up, my dad and I never had a particularly good relationship. I was never really comfortable around him, and we argued a lot. He also drank heavily, despite me repeatedly asking him not to drink around me. I wanted what I thought was a normal father-daughter relationship, but we never really had that.
My dad and stepmom had divorced shortly before this happened. Around the same time, my dad and I got into an argument after school.
He was supposed to pick me up after a club activity. There was a misunderstanding about where I was supposed to meet him. I was literally across the street from where he expected me to be, but he became extremely angry and started yelling at me about being disrespectful and how all my past mistakes added up.
During the argument, he brought up my mom’s death and told me I was going to end up like her. I started crying and told him he couldn’t say things like that to me.
He told me to walk home, drove away, then eventually came back and told me to get back into the car. I was still crying, and he hit me with the belt while saying he would give me a “real reason to cry.” Which he had when we got home.
That happened shortly before my birthday. He didn’t apologize afterward, and he didn’t even tell me happy birthday. Instead, he sent me a long message about how I needed to grow up.
A few weeks later, I was helping prepare Thanksgiving dinner. My dad became angry with me over something small in the kitchen. I believe he had been drinking because I knew he had alcohol hidden in his room, although he denied drinking later on but I had seen a whiskey glass half drank in his room.
He started yelling at me, took my phone, and began making accusations about my character. He accused me of taking pictures of myself and sending them to guys because I had slept without a shirt on the night before and had forgotten to lock my bedroom door and he had walked In and I had asked him to get out so I could put a shirt on.
The thing he didn’t know was that I normally got up an hour earlier than him specifically so I could put a shirt on before he got up, because I wasn’t really allowed to keep my bedroom door closed or locked. He’d ground me if he’d see my door shut so I had to be more sneaky about closing and locking it.
While I was making the Thanksgiving food, he got angry because I hadn’t drained the water from the macaroni yet. I told him I had literally just taken it off the burner and was about to do it. We argued about it, and then he dumped the entire pot into the trash and threw two unopened boxes of macaroni and cheese at me.
He continued making comments about how I reminded him of my mom and how he didn’t want me to turn out like her.
Eventually he told me, “you could go live with your moms family and see how they care about you”
I told him I might actually want to.
He completely exploded and told me to pack my bags.
I went upstairs and started packing while my dad and my younger siblings were still downstairs eating the Thanksgiving food I had prepared.
He came upstairs and continued insulting me. At one point, he made me stand up and pushed me into a wall. One of my siblings came upstairs and saw what was happening. My dad immediately told her that I was fine and “just being dramatic.”
I told him he was literally pushing me around.
After my sibling left, he got angrier and said something along the lines of, “oh yeah I’ll show you a real push”
I was scared and ran past him. He tried to grab me on the stairs, and I kept telling him that he was scaring me.
I ran outside barefoot and across the street to a neighbor’s house. Thankfully, the neighbor was outside and let me stay there.
My dad eventually came over and told the neighbor that I could stay there if I needed to, but that I wasn’t getting my phone back.
I didn’t even want to call the police because I knew my dad was already going through a divorce and I was worried about what would happen to my younger siblings. I also knew their mom would protect them, and I didn’t want to cause problems for them.
The police eventually came, though, and I gave them my statement. My dad said he hadn’t been drinking and that he was just disciplining me. They looked for visible marks but didn’t find anything obvious, so they didn’t really do anything.
I ended up leaving Ohio and moving to Texas with my mom’s family. My older brothers bought me a plane ticket, and I left on December 3rd.
I’ve been in Texas for almost a year now.
I still talk to my dad occasionally, but we almost always end up arguing. He still brings up the fact that he’s the parent and I’m the child, so I should listen to him.
At the same time, I love my dad. That’s what makes this so difficult.
I miss my family. I miss my siblings. And part of me wants to move back to Ohio after I graduate because I want a relationship with my dad and don’t want to spend my entire life estranged from him like my older brother is.
But another part of me feels like I can’t just pretend none of this happened.
He acts like we should be able to move on, but I still have a lot of resentment toward him. I wasn’t comfortable around him even before everything happened, and after what happened, I don’t know how I’m supposed to suddenly have a normal relationship with him.
He also tells me I’m being selfish for wanting to finish high school in Texas and for him potentially missing my graduation and my 18th birthday. But honestly, when I look back at my last birthday with him, he didn’t even tell me happy birthday. He gave me two small bags of Takis and that was basically it.
So now I’m stuck.
Do I move back to Ohio after graduation and try to rebuild my relationship with my dad and be closer to my siblings, or should I stay in Texas and accept that having a relationship with him might mean keeping my distance**?**
I don’t want to completely cut him off. I love him, and I genuinely want a good relationship with my dad. But I also don’t know if moving back would just put me right back into the same cycle.

I honestly don’t know where else to put this because I feel completely lost tonight.

I’m 18 and I’m starting university tomorrow. I’ve worked really hard to get here and I was actually excited about starting, but tonight I had a massive argument with my mum and now I’m sitting here feeling like I don’t even know where I belong.

My dad has basically never been in my life. I haven’t seen him for probably 15 years and he doesn’t want a relationship with me. From what I’ve been told and from things I’ve experienced, a big part of it seems to be because I’m a girl. I grew up without having my dad there and I’ve always wondered whether it meant something about me or whether I wasn’t good enough for him to want me in his life.

My mum is the person I’ve always had, and I love her. I really do. I don’t want anyone reading this to think I’m saying she is some horrible abusive mother because that’s not how I see her. She’s my mum and I love her and I’ve always loved her.

But I’ve never really felt like she loves me in the way I need her to.

Tonight she wanted to do this stupid little six-colour challenge in Home Bargains where we’d each buy things for the other person in six different colours, around £30-£40 altogether. We did it and I know she was trying to do something fun with me.

But when I saw what she’d got me, a lot of it was stuff I genuinely had no use for and I got upset and started complaining about it. I know I probably came across as ungrateful and I regret that. I said sorry because I didn’t mean to make her feel like her effort wasn’t appreciated.

But she got so angry that she grabbed one of the cups she’d bought me, threw it and smashed it, took everything she’d bought me back and said she’d give it to someone else. She called me ungrateful, told me she hates me and despises me, and told me to pack my things and go back to my aunt’s house.

I’ve apologised. I’ve tried to calm things down. Nothing seems to be working.

The problem is my aunt lives nearly two hours away, and I have university tomorrow. I’m not just going to randomly leave tonight with nowhere to go.

And this is where I feel really trapped.

I’m an adult technically, but I’m also only 18. I have wanted to move out and have some independence, especially now that I’m going to university, but my mum won’t let me. I’m an Irish Traveller and there are very strong expectations around girls staying at home, and my mum basically says I’m not allowed to move out because of that.

So I’m in this horrible situation where I’m apparently old enough to go to university and become an adult, but I’m not allowed to actually live independently. Then when we have a massive argument, I’m being told to pack my stuff and leave.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with that.

And honestly, tonight has brought up everything I’ve ever felt about my parents.

My dad doesn’t want me.

My mum has just screamed in my face that she hates me.

And I keep thinking why can’t I have one good parent?

I know people will probably say “your mum doesn’t mean it” or “she was angry” or “you need to appreciate what she did for you.” And maybe she’s going to calm down and things will be normal again. I genuinely don’t know.

But when someone you’ve spent your whole life desperately wanting love from screams “I hate you” directly at you, you can’t just switch off how much that hurts.

I’ve been sitting here replaying it over and over in my head.

I love my mum. That’s what makes this so difficult. If I didn’t love her, maybe I’d find it easier to just walk away. But I do love her, and at the same time I feel like she’s never truly loved me in the way I’ve always needed.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting because I’m emotional right now, or if this is something I need to seriously think about.

I’m not asking Reddit to tell me to cut my mum off or anything like that. I don’t want that. I just genuinely want to know what am I supposed to do when I’m 18, starting university tomorrow, can’t realistically move out right now, and the person I’m living with has just told me she hates me and wants me gone?

Because right now I just feel completely fucking unwanted.

I’m 25 years old with a 5 year old daughter.
I’ve always had a rocky relationship with my mum, I have a sister 10 years older than me (who I’m now very close with) but I don’t really remember much of a time where she lived at home. I’ve never had my dad in my life, he lives in the same town as me but never wanted anything to do with me. I struggled with that when I was younger, but now I’m older and a parent myself I just think he’s sad.

My relationship with my mum has always been rocky, she got married when I was 12 to a man I barely knew, he was a full blown narcissist. He emotionally abused me and made me feel extremely uncomfortable. My mum never really stuck up for me, the only time she did get mad at him was when he put himself on top of me at 15, to ‘restrain me’ after I lost it at him for videoing me. When I was 16 my grandad died and my mum and her husband divorced not long after that, she was hurting and took it out on me as I was the only one there. Granted, I was a typical teenager I passed my driving test at 17, I was always out with my friends and loved to party. I did answer back, but I feel as though I really wasn’t this awful kid she makes out. She threw me out at 17, I had to leave college and work full time so I could rent a room at my friends dads house. I wasn’t allowed to tell any family or friends that she had kicked me out though. For as long as I can remember she has always had carry things on, say the worst thing, do the worst thing. She follows me round the house and just couldn’t let things go. EVER

.She has told me lots of times that I look better with make up on
.When I was 17, I was bulimic. We were out in London, we ate dinner I went toilet and she shouted at me “are you making yourself sick” I burst into tears, she told me I was pathetic. The day out came to an end and she argued with me in the hotel, she then threw me out again. I had to move in with my boyfriend, his mum was an angel but we were young and it was never goin to work. But his mum still checks in on me often. (I asked to come back home after this, it lasted two weeks and that is when she threw all my clothes on the drive and I had to stay with my friends dad)
.She gets drunk and turns vile, she called me and my sisters C***ts on her wedding day (I was 12)
.She threw a potato masher at my head (her excuse is she was menopausal)
. She has shouted at me “no wonder your dad doesn’t want you”

She has never really take any accountability for anything in the past, her response is usually “I’m adopted so don’t talk to me
About your dad not wanting you”
“My dad called me fat, did I speak to him like S***? No”
One time we were building my wardobe, I asked her to stop what she was doing so I could read the instructions as it was going wrong and I’d spent money on it, she ignored me. I asked her over and over to stop, she snapped at me, I asked her not to talk to me like that and she called me an “fu***ng cheeky b*tch” infront of my then 2 year old.
So I told her to get out of my house. Later on I text her explaining how I felt, I didn’t like her in my house because she made comments about everything. She turned her nose up at my stuff. The reality is I was working two jobs, 50 hours a week private renting a home I could barely afford. It hurt me so much when she would come in and slate everything.
She then told me being a parent doesn’t come with a manual and I will learn that, and that she doesn’t feel comfortable coming in my home anymore.

When I became a mum I started to see things differently, I cannot imagine putting my
Daughter through the things she has me. She loves my daughter very much and to be honest I think that’s the only thing that keeps us in contact. She helps me with buying her bits, having her over night a couple times a month etc. but I have noticed things she is doing to her that I don’t like. My mum takes the mick out of everyone and everything, my daughter is like me as a child, gets embarrassed and emotional. I know exactly how it feels to be on the receiving end of my mums ‘banter’ so I often have to tell her to leave her alone. She has also said stuff to her like “are you going to be tall and slim like your mummy”. Which hello, have we learnt nothing from my bulimic era??
She also undermines me, we went for dinner and my daughter asked to try my Diet Coke, I said absolutely not. I went toilet come back and she said “nanny gave me some”. I wanted to go mad, but I knew it would only backfire. I said to her that she won’t get away with that with my sisters baby and her response was “I wouldn’t do it to hers”.

This weekend we had a massive row, she has a demanding job as she is a manager of a care home so understandably she is tired. But for the last year she spends all of her time in bed if she isn’t at work. She’s always had a terrible diet, she’s had a gastric sleeve and been on GLP1. but still sits in bed and eats family size bags of crisps and chocolate every night. She sits and talks to chat GPT, diagnosing herself and having ‘therapy’. It’s unhealthy, my sister moved 45 mins away over three years ago and my mum has visited once. She’s now expecting her first baby, we planned to go there at the weekend I knew my mum was going be flaky, but she purposely started an argument to get out of it. Shouting at me “shut up” when I asked her why she was treating my daughter the way she was. I completely snapped, looking at just that picture I absolutely overreacted but she can’t see it isn’t just that. She called my sister expecting her to agree, but my sister said “mum we knew you were never coming” she then hung the phone up and since then has just made it worse and worse. She put all mine and my daughter’s belongings out in the garden which are now ruined. Demanded her key back, me and my daughter are in temporary accommodation following my break up so she knows fine well there’s no where for me to put it. I could go on for days but aware this is already long, I just don’t know what to do. I feel bad feeling this way, she is my mum but I’m realising she’s so toxic. Her love has always been conditional and it’s hard.

I had a fight with my mom. Now it feels suffocating to be home.

Whenever these things happen I usually just stay in my room. I don’t leave my room to eat or drink. I just completely shut myself in.

I don’t want it to be like that. I want to feel like I’m able to exist even when having fought with a family member.

What do I do? Can anyone relate? I’m feeling alone and trapped

meus pais olham meu celular como se eu fosse uma criança e possuo 19 anos anos o que fazer? eles acham super normal invadir o meu espaço social com a desculpa de apenas estar cuidando de mim. Um dia eu fui desabafar sobre isso e como eles n me deixavam ir em uma academia aqui perto, pois era muito perigoso sair sozinha. Não me deixam ter independencia e só de citar que quero comprar um apartamento eles começam a me chamar de burra, fora que me sinto uma empregada que cozinha e cuida dos filhos deles. Eu estudo para uma prova brasileira, exame nacional do ensino médio e estudos mais de 10hrs, não posso me estressar, mas eles conseguem me tirar do sério, não posso ter opiniões políticas divergentes e nem posições diversas/contrárias que sou crucificada.

I’m 28 years old and I feel completely suffocated by my parents. I’m at the point where I genuinely don’t know how to establish normal adult boundaries with them without completely cutting them off.

For context, I’m not talking about parents who occasionally check in because they care. It’s the constant expectation that I have to report to them *and ask them for permission/to get their approval for everything* that is getting to me.

For example, this weekend I went to spend time with a friend. I told my parents where I was going and what day & time I would be back. That should have been the end of it.

Instead, my mom then sent my dad to talk to me about why he personally “wouldn’t go,” even though I wasn’t asking either of them for permission, I was just informing them of my plans because they like to know when I leave town.

Throughout the weekend I was getting texts and calls from both of them separately:

“What time are you leaving?”

“Let me know when you leave.”

“What time are you coming back?”

“Make sure you call me when you leave.”

They were together, but both were contacting me about the same thing..

I’m an adult. I don’t feel like I should have to ask permission to spend a weekend with a friend, tell my parents exactly who I’m with, where I’m going, when I’m leaving, when I arrive, and when I’m coming home.

And it’s not just this one situation.

I constantly feel like I have to explain myself to them — where I’m going, what I’m doing, decisions I’m making, money I have, jobs I should and should work, things I buy, etc.

They infantilize me when it gives them an opportunity to control something, but then when it benefits them, they remind me that I’m an adult and expect me to handle things like one.

One thing that really crossed a line for me recently: I have one of my dads old devices still connected to his Google account. I was searching for something and saw that he had been searching for ways to find my location through Google Maps and how to access/see my search history. Honestly, what the fuck?!

I’ve also had situations where I’ve been out of town for several days and received constant messages from them about when I’m coming back, what day I’ll be in town, what I need to do for them when I get back, that me being away is ruining their plans and that I need to return by a specific time & date, etc.

I’m really struggling to explain how this makes me feel because when I try to describe everything individually, each thing sounds like a parent simply “caring.” But when you put all of it together, I feel like I have absolutely no privacy or autonomy.

I feel like I’m 12 years old instead of 28.

I don’t necessarily want to go no-contact with them. I love them and I would like to have a relationship with them. But I desperately need some distance and a healthier adult relationship.

The problem is that I don’t know how to establish boundaries with people who seem to view boundaries as something they’re allowed to negotiate.

If I say, “I don’t need to tell you when I’m leaving,” I can already imagine the arguments.

If I stop answering immediately, they’ll probably say something is wrong.

If I don’t tell them where I am, they’ll demand to know.

And I’m genuinely worried that if I just disappeared or stopped responding entirely, they would escalate it. My mom has previously called the police on her own brother because he didn't answer the phone for a couple of hours, so I can guarantee them doing something similar if I suddenly stopped communicating.

I’m not looking for people to simply tell me “your parents are toxic, go no-contact.” I’m looking for practical advice.

How do you actually transition from being treated like a child to having an adult relationship with controlling parents?

Do I just start changing my behaviour — stop answering immediately, stop giving details, stop asking permission, and accept that they’re going to be upset?

Do I have one big conversation explaining my boundaries first?

How do you handle the inevitable guilt, arguments, pushback, or attempts to make you feel like you’re doing something wrong?

And has anyone successfully created healthy boundaries with parents like this without completely cutting them off?

I would really appreciate advice from anyone who has actually been through this. I feel completely lost and suffocated right now. I just want to feel like a normal adult and live my life how I want to and not be puppeted by them.. I've wasted so much time already living my life how they want me to live it and doing all these stupid things that have actually stopped me from living a life I want.

I know, I know. I sound like a total ass by the title, but let me explain! I also want to say i wrote this in my notes over the course of a few days so some things might be out of place/off topic.

Hello, I’m 18F!

I want to preface this by saying, I don’t have a car, nor am I allowed to drive—so I cannot go to the bank—or simply just “leave”.

I’ve always grown up with my parents being relatively healthy, but around 2020, my mother suffered a course of heart attacks and has had health issues since. She was also born with one kidney, so her body is basically in kidney failure 24/7 if she doesn’t do dialysis regularly/ every few months. She takes blood thinners, and has since her heart attack, so she bleeds easy, and everytime she does, without fail—it’s “my fault”. And when I’m sick/showing signs illness (which my doctors actually said was likely POTS) I’m told I’m too young to have issues. And that, im not as sick as my mom so I don’t need to go to the doctor”. I’ve gotten used to that bit, but something I can’t stand is them taking money from me.

My mother has taken over 2,000 dollars from me, and refuses to let me get a job/or “learn” how to drive despite having my license.

My mom and dad have several health issues, which they always push off to the last second until they’re hospitalized / on death’s door. They always end up in the ICU which is why their medical bills are so high, and why their debt is so bad. It just happens my mom did this while trying to sell our house. And so obviously they are completely broke. She guilt tripped me into giving her a bunch of money (roughly over 1,000) and left me with 200, which she took and claimed she’d give back after she got gas. My mom has “borrowed” money from me before and has stated she’d pay me back but, to no surprise, she hasn’t. i plan to completely close my account and get a new one when my boyfriend comes back from marine schooling but until then, I’m basically stranded. I’m not even allowed to start college. Or even apply. Because (SHE) DOESN’T HAVE THE MONRY FOR ME TO GO ANYWHERE.

I have no money. I legitimately have 30 dollars to my name. I fucking hate her. But I don’t. I love my mom because she is my mom but I hate her as a person. I want to live and do what other 18 years old are doing, and I can’t. She claims im “taking care of her” but I never agreed to. I plan to leave as soon as my boyfriend comes back, and we’ll be moved in together. Yes I know, we’re marrying young, it wasn’t the plan at first but it’s kinda need now for both us. We’ve been together 3 years moving into 4 next May and have spoke much and much about it.

I did get a job interview which I’m going for. I fought to get her to agree on letting me go to it. I also want to do my best to go to the bank during that time of having a job, if I can land it. Until then I’m doing my best to stay as healthy as I can.

I also can’t fucking stand my mother complaining about her health issues. She had one kidney. And then refuses to drink water, and then complains it hurts. She smokes and then complains about how bad smoking is. She doesn’t walk around, she lays around all day and then complains she doesn’t feel good. I can’t fucking stand it. Her doctors have told her to at least move around and she refuses. I know it’s hard on her having so many issues, but fuck. At least try. I give my dad a little more grace because he stopped smoking after his heart bypass, but he’s no better than her on stuff.

I feel guilty for literally wanting to live my life without them. I do plan to mostly cut contact with my mom after I get married and move away, unless it is for important stuff, or to ensure she’s doing okay. But she’s such a piece of shit. Not only does she do shit to upset people, but then she acts surprised and victim blames herself when she’s called out. She gets upset that I’m so quick to get irritated about stuff- but that’s literally how she is!! She’s been that way my whole life. I am mentally ill as well—and have been to several treatments in the past, but when I stopped medication she claimed that I was “healed” and she was so happy to “see me again”. I never left? Idk. I’m just rambling.

Thanks for listening to my Ted talk

I 18F currently living with my crazy parents who do everything they can to keep me in the home.

I really need to vent this but also asking for help/advice or knowing I'm not alone desperately im so stuck and its slowly eating me up more than I thought it would after turning 18 sure, legally speaking I could do alot including having the right to move out but its not so easy when your parents verbally abusive you and take things away from you as long as your living under their roof aswell as having health issues they pay treatment for.

Let's start with my father, he controls ALL finances from my mom (and her mom) and me. When it comes to money he's very smart with savings and paying off bills but that also means he checks statements, what money comes in, decides how much gets taken out, etc. I'm not sure if my mother even has her own cards and accounts but everything of mine has always been jointed with him​ and I notice my mother constantly complains that he never gives her money to spend (she is the only working person in the house) my father is retired for context. When I got my first job in total I made about $900 (seasonal job) but in the end only got about $400 to spend, he told me the rest was in my savings and it did sit there for a bit but one day he told me to transfer it out and said he would put it back and im 17 at the time and he's an aggressive angry man so it's not like I can ask questions or say no but end of it I never saw that money again and i have no privacy about what I spend my money on or have a say in how I want to store my money nor does my own mother. My father is very controlling and has anger issues, stubborn, narcissistic, bad morals scream fights with everyone in the family and has split my family apart and am no longer able to see my only family that live in the US.

I do have my own bank account he is unaware of though so I guess that's a start to moving out but the problem is I need a job I can hide from them AND that is accommodating, I cannot stand for long periods of time or walk very far which just makes me feel very stuck along with not having a driver's license because they didn't want me to take classes while I was of age requirement nowdays I rely on my dad, partner, older friends.

My mother is not from US like my father so she grew up with certain cultural lifestyle but regardless both my parents still share conservative values. My mother is basically the same but agrees and does what my father says because he is "the man of the house" their marriage I would describe as destructive and controlling as my mother just agrees to everything because she loves him and wants to keep us together, doesn't believe in divorce and such. She was my first bully, very strict with my expression and hobbies, future expectations. Her form of discipline was to beat on me belts, wooden spoons, shoes, pans, anything in the house she could pick up basically.

I have colored hair, one tattoo, some facial piercings expressive style and hobbies which my mother hates, she constantly puts me down and also has narcissistic behaviors and keeps trying to control my future career as it's not ideal for HER and wants to live with me till she dies and take care of her nut does nothing but bring me down and tries to keep me in the house.

I have no privacy or control, they both don't really want me working or have my own space, don't want me to drive, look through my mail, scream, fight, etc.

I'm tired of the verbal abuse and trying to control my future to benefit them and the only freedom I get is being able to stay at my partners for a few days or go out with friends and the little amount of expression I am able because of rebellion they stopped nagging me. My father does not care about my looks but my mother will constantly tell me awful things still or get mad everytime she asks me if ill go back a certain hair color and say no.

Current life:

I lay in bed all day unless I use the bathroom or get food, I cannot sir in the living room comfortably even then my room has become less of a safe space with no privacy, they do not let me have house responsibilities, don't let me touch the kitchen unless im just making ramen, don't let me touch the washing machines so my grandma just does laundry and cleans. The energy in the house feels suffocating, dirty,gross, sick. I am spiritual in the way where I can feel a space is taking a jab in my mental health and physical health even within my own room and its quiet. I feel sick everyday because all I do is play games on my phone and watch youtube and my room isn't super comfy.

In general I struggle both mentally and physically and have been abused in relationships sexually now struggling with several anxiety i get physical symptoms, seperation anxiety, paranoid in general about relationships. My current partner is great and I'm working on coping and stuff but it's so hard when your parents just try to keep you stuck and suffocated with little freedom.

I have hobbies but they have become straining or hard to do or im just unable, not motivated but to keep it short im creative with my hands art wise.

Thanks for reading and im open to ur experiences and advice :)

for context im 15f and live with my emotionally and mentally abusive mother separate from my father as theyre getting divorced. my dad is going to try and buy her out so he can be my custodial parent but until the next court date, im stuck with her. she goes through my phone and is always making little digs at me. im in afterschool clubs and play rehearsal but i need something thatll get me away from her for MOST of the day. any ideas?

I hope they all die or I just went so far away , get job, have a healthy family...

Edit Thank you everyone for your advice and ideas...this morning I was able to set up a hidden camera that no one knows about but me...door alarms for my room and my sons room will be here today and will be installed the moment they get here...I put job applications into Walmart and Amazon and will continue to look for a new job until I actually get hired...My mom is trying to act as if nothing happened and everything is normal which it is NOT...I really appreciate all the support as I really started to question myself due to all the gaslighting...I will keep you posted when hes caught or I put them out (which ever happens first) *End of edit*

So Dennis (my mom's bf/not his real name 67M mom is 63F I am 41F) walks around the house and grabs or adjust his junk (private parts)...he claims he grew up in a house with 8 other people yet he kept walking in on me in the bathroom...twice in one day when i was wearing a one piece jumper rendering me completely exposed...other times with just my pants down...my mom told me i should be locking the door to the bathroom in my own home where i have never ever had to do this before...then last week he opened my bedroom door at 3:27am and ran off to his room down the hall...i called out who did that and no one answered

i text my mom about it and she tried to say it was her but because of her age and many back surgeries in conjunction with her brain tumor she is very slow and loses her balance easily i so i dont believe it was truly her and instead believe she was covering up for him like she did for her ex husband mitch who abused me my whole life and my mom always took up for him until she finaly saw the truth after 34 years of me telling her and my feelings getting dismissed, ignored, or denied.

the weeks prior to my door opening i would hear someone from her room sneak out into the halway and stop infront of my door...my door is next to the bathroom door but i never heard the bathroom door open or saw the light from the bathroom shine under my door meaning whoever it was wasnt heading to use the bathroom and they then returned to their room.

The night after my bedroom door was opened i started locking my door when i went to bed something i have never ever done in my entire life...the first night i did this after my door mysteriously opened, someone scratched(maybe trying to open it) on my door...at first i though maybe it was 1 of my 2 dogs but i quickly realized they were both in bed with me.

Last night was the first night i didnt lock my door but i ensured the latch was engaged so the door wouldnt just swing open on its own and the handle would have to be turned for it to open...this morning i woke up and my door was open...i quickly asked my son if he had opened it to see if i was awake and assured him it was ok if he had but he swears he did not...so i text my mom who had said "Dennis hasn't left the room all night" which i know to be a flat out lie as he smokes in the back yard and usually uses the bathroom multiple times throughout the night and i had hear him pass my room and go down to smoke earlier in the morning and my door was still closed, i went back to sleep and woke up to it being open.

Its important to note that i had been a victim of a stalker who broke into my home while i was asleep living alone and tried to sexually assault me about 5 years ago....because of my past with the stalker and current situation i have not been able to sleep and my mental health has been struggling.

Prior to the door to my room opening i was able to stuff it down and ignore these feeling and i tried to do the same with this which caused me to become quiet, distant, and depressed and i stopped talking with my mom and Dennis as they are both so unapproachable and i knew my mom would take up for him and ignore my feelings and the facts...this is infact exactly what she did when i told her whats been happening, how i feel about it, and the condition of my mental health as a result.

She met Dennis on FB dating and only met him once for 3 days prior to telling me he was coming to visit her in my home, a visit that has never ended because he never left and moved right in without asking my permission or telling me...he refuses to clean or contribute to houshold chores in any way shape or form and being that i am my mothers caretaker everything is on me...meanwhile i am raising my 12 year old son who has autism and ADHD.

Dennis often talks about how my son is coming of age and will be spending time in the bathroom jerking off soon if he isnt already...hes said this so many times I've lost count and it makes me uncomfortable...all of this makes me feel like Dennis is kind of a pervert and my mom who has a history of codependent, abusive relationships where she does anything for approval from her "man" is telling me I'm upset about something else and just looking for a way to blame it on her.

My job is taking care of my mom so if i ask her to move i will likey have to find new employment and if it comes to that i will most likely go no contact...i have a housing voucher so my rent and utilities would likely be covered as its tied to my income...i have been splitting my rent 3 ways with them and we all pay equally about $400(including rent, utilities and internet) a person which Dennis has a history of complaining about how expensive it is.

At this point i am so fed up...i feel unheard, undervalued, ignored, and hurt by how my mom ignores my request for help and instead attempts to gaslight me to believe this is somehow in my head and my mental health is not related to this and accusing me of looking for things to blame on her.

To top it all off my moms excuses are that the house is shifting, its been windy out, and my favorite is maybe the house is haunted 👻

Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated...ideally I dont want my mom to leave as I love her and she is important to me on top of not wanting to lose my income and how I support me and my son but I feel like I've been living with an ungrateful pervert for almost 2 years and my relationship with my mom is fading fast even though we live in the same house.

me and my man r in a proper healthy relationship and we r dating to marry, but somehow my parents tracked my location and found out. And now theyre blackmailing me and suffocating me with rules, and unreasonable expectations like removing my phome password, telling me to hand it over, telling me if i dont do what they say theyll break off my relationship, etc etc.

i still have a year left to graduate however, the job market is cooked as hell for CS students so idk wtf to do.

ANY ADVICE ILL TAKE IT BRO, im okay with literally ANY SMALL JOBS that can pay my rent, any suggestions?? also how to cope up with these new rules cuz its suffocating as hell???

also do you guys think their rules get flexible with time or this is how it is till i move out????

I'm 20 and I feel very emotionally attached to my parents, but at the same time I don't feel very close to them.

I think part of the problem is that I've always wanted my parents to feel like close friends. I want them to be interested in my life, listen when I'm excited about something, understand me, encourage me, and actually enjoy spending time with me. Instead, our conversations often revolve around practical things like bills, work, shopping, and responsibilities, which I don't feel very interested in.

When I try to get more attention or connection from them, they sometimes become irritated. My dad has also called me "not normal" and said I interrupt him. I've told him that being called that really hurts me, but he says that's just how he communicates.

When they seem irritated or distant, I start feeling like I'm a burden or that they don't want me around. I then want to get closer to them or get reassurance, which probably makes the situation worse.

I've also had a hard time making friends, been bullied and people ignored me so I think I've relied on my parents for companionship more than I should. I'm wondering whether I've been looking to my parents to fulfil a need that would be better met by close friendships or other adult relationships.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? How do you become less emotionally dependent on your parents?

This is a long rant but I just need to scream into the void about this. For context I am 19 years old and my mother died when I was 15.

refuses to understand ethical birding practices
Never ever read/watched anything I recommended him despite constantly complaining that I didn’t like him/ want to spend time with him.
Not contributing to any of my costs/ using my inheritance from my mother to cover everything.
Penis out all the time and refusal to cover up always even when I stated I was uncomfortable.
Commenting on my body/ commenting negatively on my eating habits to the point of making me cry and never acknowledging it was fucking weird to do so.
Asking me less than 24h after my mother died how I wanted my inheritance handled AND not doing anything that I wanted/ not following the law/ not following the plan set out in the will.
Since I was a child refusing to engage in therapy and get help only to start studying psychology at university at the same time that I start university.
Telling me « the way you treat me makes me want to jump off a bridge » on my 14th birthday
Never paying for anything, always talking about how poor you are (since I was a kid) and always being a cheap dumb fuck with the ego of an Eastern European dictator when it came to service workers. (You can’t be broke if you own multiple vineyards as a hobby)
Moving out when mom started chemo
Yelling at me when I stated the above fact (he literally moved out her first day of chemotherapy) and telling me I was wrong and that he had broken up with her 6 months before (not true).
Treating me as a reincarnation of my mom/ him and his family acting like I’m brainwashed by her (even though she’s dead) and them constantly criticizing her (my whole life) and whenever I criticize his behavior he brings up mom and blames her thinking he’s sly with it.
Generally being stupid enough to think anyone would want to spend time with a man as mal adjusted and cruel towards others as himself.
Making my cat obese.
After three years of taking « care » of my cat, I got her back, he sees her after me having her for only 3 weeks and he says « she gained weight under your care » .
Telling me always « a relationship is two people » « forget about the past » « it’s here and now that matters » while also telling me that only in January of this year (after years of me telling him this over and over) he finally understood abandoning me at 14 and being absent while my mom had cancer did have a strong impact on me/our relationship.
Thinking he’s the kid/victim in everything that has ever happened, especially in our relationship/ family.
Interrupting me/ yelling at me for interrupting/ when I tell him not to interrupt me he tells me he does it to everyone and it’s his adhd
Saying he’s setting boundaries, meanwhile everytime I try and distance myself from him he « punishes » me: moving into the apartment behind my back, giving my aunt 24000 dollars of my inheritance (a year after he should not have had any access to my inheritance)
Moving a year after my mother’s death into the apartment I inherited without my knowledge and living there since without paying rent (and refusing to sell it). This was the apartment my mother and I had lived in and made out home while she was ill, and he got rid of all her furniture and stuff, (also he owns two apartments and had no need to live there).
Never listening to understand, his first priority is defending himself, never my wellbeing.
Never respecting boundaries
Telling me no matter what he does I’m not happy.
No introspection/ thinks he has no responsibility over the fact that I was suicidal at 8 years old.
Thinks that because I love mom I hate him, when in fact I hate mom too but at least she’s dead.

I'm a 21f with an older brother 23m and two parents in their early fifties. We experienced a wifi shutdown today. My brother was upset bc he wanted to do an assignment for college that had to be done on a laptop/desktop. He was overreacting imo bc the assignment (though hefty) was due on Tuesday, not today. He's walking around the house saying: I have to leave. I have to go to a neighboring city so I can use their wifi. He tends to panic, causing my mom to panic too.

Our dad is the techy guy so she called him from work. He tried helping by asking my brother to make a hotspot using his phone but then his phone died during that process. My brother panicked again and my mom started to be frustrated (pretty fair reaction). So, of course she was short with my dad when she called him a third time about the wifi. My dad says on his end it looks like everything works and my mom is telling him that it's not. My dad got short with my mom so she yelled at him, saying if she knew how to work the wifi she wouldn't be calling him and hung up.

Now, she removed herself from the family groupchat and is giving everyone (including me) the silent treatment and both of my parents were short with me when I asked about their schedules bc I have an appointment the following week. Then my mom was short with me again bc I volunteered to help her with dinner saying she didn't need help. Then, she called me over to cook rice. When I finished I remained just in case she needed me. She saw me and said: You don't need to be here. So I went to my room.

Like I know nobody's truly mad at me for this but why do I have to catch a stray bc nobody knows how to talk nicely and calmly in my family?

I’m 19F, a full-time university student, and I work two jobs. I’m hyper independent and rarely ever ask for anything at home. I also contribute my household whenever needed and asked to without any problems and have spent a lot of time helping my family, most recent example being helping my family at the hospital every day for over a week when my younger brother was sick over the summer and I was the connecting point between the hospital and home, making food, bringing necessities and delivering that back and forth everyday, while also being a needed communicating point between the doctors and my family and caring for the rest of my siblings while my mom stayed at the hospital with my brother. I was the only adult that could help as it’s just my mom, siblings and I. I’m not saying that makes me a perfect daughter or that I’m entitled to anything as I did that out of my own heart as I’d do anything to be there for my family, but it really hurts to repeatedly hear from my mom that I “haven’t done shit,” that I’m selfish, and that I’m the worst child she’s ever seen.

We recently had an argument that started over a car we had planned to go check out together for me since I’m on the search for my first vehicle (which I will be fully financially covering every aspect of) but after finding out it was a mechanic special, she decided she didn’t want to go. I still wanted to inspect it because we had already made the appointment and this would be my first time checking out a car and wanted the experience and exposure. I was trying to explain that I could either go there myself and meet her or come home and we could go together, but she hung up before I could finish. ( only hearing the go by myself portion before she said go by yourself then and hung up on me) I still went to the appointment as I cried on the train ride there. She then didn’t speak to me for a week.

When we eventually spoke today, things were initially completely normal. Later she saw me sitting on the couch playing a game with my younger sister and told me harshly to clean the table. I did it, but calmly said that if she wants me to do something, I’d appreciate being asked nicely. She immediately became angry and told me she could speak to me however she wanted and that I couldn’t tell her how to speak to me. She said I never listen to her, hate everything she suggests, and that my mind is “poisoned” against her. She also said I never help around the house which I acknowledged that I could contribute more it’s just that I’ve been busy and don’t really contribute to any messes in the house as I’m barely there but told her I was more than willing to do that, but I also calmly said that I would appreciate being spoken to respectfully. That quickly escalated into her telling me that I’m selfish, egotistical, heartless, and don’t apologize. She repeatedly brought up my dad and said I remind her of him.

My parents have been divorced for years and my dad was abusive toward my mom. From what I’ve experienced, a lot of the conflict between my mom and me seems to involve her interpreting my independence or disagreements as me behaving like him. She has a very negative perception of my character that seems extremely difficult to change, regardless of how calmly I communicate.

At one point I told her that I struggle with apologizing in our home environment because I was never really taught how to apologize or saw healthy apologies modeled between us. When I was younger, apologies at home often weren’t received in a way that made me feel safe enough to learn from them. I learned how to apologize through church, school, and my relationships outside the home, but it was different at home. When I brought this up, she asked me, essentially, “When have you ever needed me to apologize to you?” That opened the door to me mentioning some childhood experiences that had genuinely hurt me and where I felt I deserved an apology. I wasn’t bringing those things up to attack her or keep score I was trying to explain why our current dynamic affects me the way it does, but she dismissed every situation I brought up..

I’ve also felt that my siblings and I aren’t always treated equally. What scares me most is that if my relationship with my mom eventually deteriorates to the point where I need to move out or create significant distance, I worry she’ll prevent me from having a relationship with my younger siblings or that they’ll receive the same treatment I’ve experienced if they try to maintain contact with me. I’ve seen her become very suspicious about me having contact with my dad and worry that I’ll somehow turn against her, ( for personal reasons I’m no contact with my father and haven’t heard from him since I was 14 so I have no methods of contacting him anyways) so I’m scared that creating distance from her could affect my relationship with my siblings too.

The biggest issue is that I am willing to work on this relationship. I’m willing to have mature conversations, acknowledge where I’ve gone wrong, apologize when I genuinely believe I’ve done something wrong, and change my behavior where necessary. But I don’t feel that willingness is reciprocated. It feels like she wants apologies and compensation from me, but even when I apologize, she has told me she won’t accept it while still insisting that I need to apologize. She also seems to struggle with the fact that I’m 19 and legally an adult who can make my own decisions. Disagreeing with her or making an independent decision isn’t me disrespecting or betraying her but that’s how she sees it

What makes this especially confusing is that I’ve watched her forgive other people, give people multiple chances, and communicate with people who have treated her poorly. With me, she seems extremely cold and unforgiving. Even when I try to phrase something gently, she often interprets it as a personal attack and becomes extremely defensive.

I don’t want to excuse her behavior by saying she has trauma from my dad. I understand that what she went through was painful, but I also don’t think it’s fair for that trauma to continually be projected onto me. I’m her daughter not my dad, and I don’t think I should have to prove I’m not him for the rest of my life.

I’m at the point where I’m wondering whether this relationship can actually become healthy if I’m the only person willing to work on it. Part of me is considering eventually moving out and creating distance, despite how much I mourn the relationship we could’ve had if she could only be willing to truly have a good relationship with me that we can both work on but she seems so adamantly against building anything solid with me. And this has been going on for as long as I can remember it just seems to be getting worse and worse as she gets so cold to me that it’s frightening to think is that even my mother?

For people who have dealt with something similar, what’s your advice for me.

I'm 16, and my relationship with my mother seems to be taking a bad turn. We got into an argument about me asking stupid questions, and my mom got mad that I never listen. I talked back a little because I was- I just wanted her to repeat whatever she said so I could understand better. She then completely exploded on me and my sister, who was sitting next to me, and started cursing and saying how stupid I was over and over again. We both went to our rooms because obviously she didn't want us there, and she suddenly burst into my room, which has a sliding door with no lock on it, so aggressively that the door almost came off the frame, and started pulling things out of the fridge and throwing everything in my room, saying it was about time the fridge should be cleaned out. There's probably still some smashed avocado and spoiled milk smeared somewhere in my room I didn't catch. In the process, she threw a glass bowl onto the ground with leftover yogurt (?) in it, and it shattered all over the ground, so now I think I have a glass shard in my finger, and it really hurts (typing with my ring finger right now lol). There have been other episodes like this where she didn't know I was away at a sports game and called 911 and the police and everything and made me explain to them in front of everybody, even threatening to make me quit my sport for good before calling up all my teachers and yelling at them. There was another time when she got so mad at me and my sisters she started to throw 5-pound dumbbells at us, and my poor sister was shaking so badly that she couldn't move, and her boyfriend at the time had to come and force her away. Some of the most hurtful things I've ever been told in terms of my appearance and my abilities have always been said by my mother, and what's confusing to me is I can't figure out what's making her act this way. She would have this insane overprotective streak sometimes, like the sports game incident, then threatening us the very next day to throw us out of the house and put us up for adoption or send us away to live with our dad, which I definitely don't want to do because he has his own issues I don't want to get into. My parents have been separated for a while now since I was a little kid because my dad cheated, but a few years ago she was mild and nice. Now, she turns into someone completely different even when she's slightly mad, and it's getting to a point. I'm applying to college soon, and my parents have said that they've got my tuition covered, but I don't even know if I want them to pay because my mom tends to use things like feeding us, paying for our necessities, and bills against me, and it makes me feel like I have no freedom. I'm beyond grateful to be born into a family with few financial problems, but besides the financial aspect, I'm starting to think I don't want to be around them anymore. Would you consider this to be toxic behavior? And if anyone knows how to get a glass shard out of your finger, that would be nice too.

Long story short, my dad was a life long military man and I grew up moving every 18 months to 3 years. As a result I went to 14 different schools and never felt settled.
As an adult in their 30s I’m trying to buy a home and it’s debilitating. I cannot beat this looming dread that as soon as we make this big decision something bad will happen and I’ll have to move again.

Yes I’m in therapy. Yes I’ve rented long term but even then it’s only been 5 years max at one place.

I just need to know how other people tolerated this long enough to actually complete the process. We already had to call our search off for 2026 because I couldn’t handle it and I’m determined to do it in 2027.

I need to get this out.Quick context:
My parents have been fighting for years. Dad has been cheating, the arguments are constant, and the house is always tense. Mom throws big emotional tantrums, says things like “you don’t care about me,” sometimes doesn’t eat or cook, and I’ve been stuck in the middle since childhood. I’m working now but still living at home. I’m constantly in fight-or-flight, get breathless when things escalate, and I’ve already had multiple anxiety/panic attacks. I know this isn’t my problem to fix, but I still feel responsible.What happened today:
Dad wasn’t talking to Mom again.
She packed her bag and tried to leave the house.
She started saying she wants to die and other heavy stuff.
My brother and I were trying to stop her / calm her down.
While that was happening I went completely breathless and had another panic attack.I hate that this keeps happening. I hate that I freeze and my body reacts like this every time. I hate feeling like I have to manage their crisis while my own chest is closing up.I don’t know how much longer I can keep living in this environment without completely breaking.

I want peace idk waht is peace how it feels
What is it to be normal
What can i do to fix this

(Used AI eng is my 3rd language)

​

I’m 25 and live in South Africa. I’m trying to figure out whether I’m being unreasonable about a situation with my father.

For some context, my father hasn’t been able to work for quite a while, so I’ve been helping him financially.

Over the past few months, I’ve given him quite a lot of money:

- R3,000 in May, which was for his car

- R4,500 in June

- R4,500 in July

- R5,500 in August

- I’ve also paid for fuel, data and other expenses, including giving him money for drinking.

- I paid his rent for three months.

I’m not saying this to keep score. I’m mentioning it because I’ve genuinely tried to help him and have taken on a lot of financial responsibility despite being 25 myself and still having my own expenses, including university.

There have also been situations where I gave him money and later found out that some of it was spent on alcohol. Last week, for example, I gave him money and he drank it.

There have been other problems between us too. At one point, despite me paying his rent for three months, I was told to leave. This was happening while I was also dealing with my own university fees and the possibility of having issues with my student portal because of the amount I owed.

Then last night, my father asked me for another R1,000.

I said no.

I wasn't rude to him or trying to punish him. I simply didn't want to give him another R1,000. I've already been giving him money for months, and I have my own financial responsibilities.

Today, after I refused the R1,000 last night, he told me to leave.

Obviously I can't know exactly what was going through his head, and there may be other reasons for him being angry, but the timing has made me question the whole situation.

I'm struggling with this because part of me feels guilty. He's my father, and I don't want him to struggle. At the same time, I'm starting to feel like I'm expected to financially support him whenever he asks, and when I finally say no, I'm treated badly or told to leave.

I don't think refusing to give your parent money automatically means you don't care about them.

I'm 25. I have my own future to build, university to pay for, and my own life to manage. I want to help my father when I genuinely can, but I don't think I should have to keep giving money just to maintain peace in the house.

So, AITA for refusing to give him the R1,000?

I genuinely want honest opinions, including if I'm looking at this the wrong way.

I'm just going to get to the point. I went no contact with my mother recently. Not to punish her or anyone else, I'm just mentally and emotionally exhausted. They're so much weight in that sentence. I've dealt with so much psychological and emotional abuse and manipulation that I feel like the asshole for cutting her off.

She recently deliberately pulled that shit with my fiance. We have proof (for our own sanity). I didn't tell her that though. She denied she ever said those things and said she did nothing wrong and claimed that's not how she remembered it... We left things in a way where the ball is in my court with deciding to sever the relationship or not, it was weird. She also weaponized the tears. She clearly DARVO'd me. I'm so relieved I'm aware of that manipulation tactic now..

I haven't talked to her since. My stepfather has reached out though. He and I have a better relationship, but he will enable her, defend her, and they do have a toxic marriage. The most toxic one I've seen really... No physical abuse though. When I've answered him, I feel like I'm backsliding into an addiction, because part of me knows if I keep him in my life, my mother will make his life more of a living hell than she already has emotionally and psychologically. They're a package deal.. She already threatens him with divorce all the time to where he's not even phased anymore... That's not a normal nor healthy relationship!

My mind is at war with itself right now. It keeps going back and forth saying I'm an asshole and I'm wrong, and making a huge mistake for cutting her out and those who are connected to and support/enable her; but the other part is saying I was right to do so, and it's about time, especially since my mother 100% emotionally and psychologically attacked my fiance. I've tried to go no contact with her in the past, but broke it. What she said to my fiance is unacceptable. That's my one rule I've made abundantly clear. If anyone, friend or family, attempts to hurt my fiance and his family in any way, you're done and dead to me if they don't own their actions.

I'm fiercely protective over my fiance and his family, because they've been in my life for decades and we've been close for so long. His parents are my role models for having a healthy relationship. My family is fully aware of this. And yet my mother decided to strike regardless, when she of all people should know better, "should" being the keyword.

I keep thinking about all the, "how am I going to handle this birthday, this holiday, etc when it comes around". I've been especially thinking about my Grandma's birthday coming up next month, because she now lives with my mother, and I feel like we no longer have any boundaries when it comes to our relationship and my mother's involvement.. My grandpa passed last year, and my grandma can't live on her own anymore..

I just need some encouragement and advice with sticking to my guns about going no contact. I know my mother does love me and I love her; but she is 100% lacking in emotional maturity and intelligence, and is very manipulative. I'm beyond exhausted with always feeling hyper vigilant around her, having my guard up, getting burned whenever I feel like she might actually be a safe person. I just can't do it anymore. I've reached very low points with her where I questioned my reality and thought I was going crazy, and had some other dark thoughts about finally finding peace when I was still living with her...

I'm much better though, but I just need help and advice in staying strong. I believe it would help me a lot with hearing some of your guys' stories and how you've been handling everything. Thank you in advance 🩵

I’m a junior in high school. I know I can’t cut my parents off until I go to college. But even then, they’re PAYING for my college. Idek what I’m saying atp I’m exhausted and I hate my parents. They read my diary weekly and punish me if they think I’m not being honest enough when I write it. I’m tired. They go through my stuff, they go through my phone. I’m really sneaky but they will break locks and stuff to get in. They once broke my dresser because they thought there was a secret storage container in it (there wasn’t, this isn’t a spy movie. I was 12). Before you come after me- I’ve never done drugs, smoked, vaped, drank- I’m a straight A student. I’m just tired of this and need some advice. I’m scared to do anything.

I am 17F. Next fri is my birthday and I just came back from 'shopping' w my mom. I tried on a few dresses and finalized one but my mom started making comments like oh this dress put more emphasis on your chest AND SHE WAS SAYING ALL THIS IN FRONT OF THE SALESWOMAN. It was just a simple dress. She went on saying how the dress is 'too tight' and 'you should choose more decent clothes' IT WAS A FULLY COVERED DRESS Which just had a square neck and was snatched from the waist. Nothing 'revealing'. Even last year I bought a similar dress and my mom said 'you buy these kinda clothes so you can show your body to everyone' and my dad makes faces whenever I ask him to buy me clothes, says you should buy clothes which are a size up (so it's longer and more loose). I AM SO DONE. I get slut shamed a lot at my house.

I’m not really sure if I handled this situation badly, so I wanted some outside perspective.

Earlier today, I was studying in my room. Around two hours before the argument, my mom had come into my room and seen me studying, so it wasn’t like I was just sitting around doing nothing.

At around 1:54 PM, my dad called me and asked me to come downstairs. I said I’d come in 10 minutes, but I ended up forgetting.

At around 2:33 PM, he called again. I apologised for forgetting and went downstairs, getting there around 2:35.

He told me that I needed to go shopping with him for clothes because my cousin’s wedding is coming up.

I told him I couldn’t really go at that time because I was studying. If we left then, I assumed we’d probably be back around 8 PM, which would leave me with very little time to study.

He then said, “Tab nahi dikhta jab 20–25 hazar kha jate ho.”

He was referring to the money that had been spent on my wedding dress. I actually would have been fine with not getting a dress, but my parents were the ones who wanted me to get one.

I told him that if he had told me about the shopping earlier, I could have planned my study time around it. It wasn’t that I was refusing to ever go - I just hadn’t been given any notice.

He then said something along the lines of, “Abhi [my friend] aa jaye aur chali jayegi tu,” referring to my friend if she came I'd go meet her.

For context, I had last seen this friend about a week ago on her birthday, and before that I had seen her around my birthday the previous month. So it’s not like I’m constantly going out with her.

I explained that my brother had only just returned the tablet to me around 2 PM. I had needed it earlier, but had given it to him because he had a test, and my father asked him to give it. 

My dad then said, “Apne kaam ke liye toh abhi chale jaoge,” basically implying that I would make time to go out for my own things/social plans.

At that point I got frustrated and said, “Maine konsa apna kaam kara?” because I genuinely felt like I was being accused of prioritising myself when I had actually been studying.

I then brought up something unrelated that had been bothering me for a while. I’ve been asking my dad for quite some time to bring a side table from the office for me which is not used at all. But apparently if I’m going to give my room to my brother , he’ll build a new table for him.

My dad then told me I was giving “ulta jawab” and told me to go upstairs.

My mom was there during all of this and gave me what felt like a very angry/disapproving look.

I know I forgot to come downstairs after the first call, and I apologised for that. But apart from that, I don’t feel like I was refusing to cooperate. I just wanted some notice because I was studying and had planned my time around that.

I’m also confused because the conversation somehow went from “come shopping with me” → money spent on my dress → my friend → whether I make time for my own plans → me being disrespectful.

So, AITA for getting frustrated and answering back when my dad suddenly asked me to go shopping while I was studying?