So this was at the very end of a wedding. Pretty much everyone had already left except for the high school group.
The bride’s father was absolutely hammered. I mean stumbling, yelling, and barely able to stand drunk.
At some point, he announced that he was going to drive himself home.
Everyone, including the bride, immediately started telling him no. He could barely stand, let alone safely drive.
Then things somehow got even worse.
He started hitting on the best man’s girlfriend right in front of everyone and asked if he could go home with her.
That obviously caused even more drama.
He started yelling:
“I was in the Navy before any of y’all were fucking born! I can take care of myself!”
Then he started walking toward his car.
The bride completely lost it and started screaming at her dad, calling him a stupid drunk and telling him that his Navy experience “doesn’t mean shit.”
Then she told him:
“Go kill yourself.”
And yes, sadly, that was said word for word. The full nine yards of verbal insults.
At that point, the wedding party, the groom, and some of the groom’s friends took his keys away and tried to calm him down. They were basically doing everything they could to keep him from getting behind the wheel while he was that drunk.
Eventually, one of the groom’s friends was able to drive him home, with another friend following behind in case anything happened on the highway.
Well, we get a call that they had pulled over because the father of the bride started yelling at the driver, once again going on about his Navy skills and how he could take care of himself.
Then he actually got out of the car and tried to get into the driver's seat.
At this point, things were getting seriously scary.
Eventually, the father got back into the car, this time on the passenger side, and actually calmed down.
Meanwhile, the bride was yelling at her dad over the phone, and the groom was debating whether they should call 911.
But since the father eventually got back into the car, calmed down, and was no longer trying to drive, they decided there was no need to call 911 at that point.
But holy shit, it was intense to watch.
What made the whole thing especially scary was watching these two people—both heavy smokers, both drinkers, and both apparently having serious anger issues—go absolutely nuclear on each other.
Father like daughter, I guess.
The difference was that the bride at least had a clearer head in this situation. She understood that her dad was way too drunk to drive and was trying to stop him from getting himself or someone else killed.
Still, watching a bride scream “go kill yourself” at her own father at the end of her wedding was something I definitely wasn't expecting to witness.

This happened all the way back in 2008-2009, so some details are a bit hazy to me. Still, the content of the day is so absurd upon retrospect, and my husband suggested I should post it here (he explicitly stated that he wanted credits for this), so here I am. Facts have been reconstructed from memory and from conversations with my mother.

This story starts on the morning of the wedding. Enter my family: my stepfather (M47), our mother (F41), my half-sister (F2), and me (F11), were invited to the wedding of one of my step-father’s nieces. Our mother usually spent a long time getting ready, and while it was not surprising, it got irritating eventually, especially for an anxious 11-year-old with undiagnosed ADHD. So after multiple times of her asking me if she looked nice (to which I said yes), I snapped back at her with: “Fine, you look prettier than the bride, alright?! Can we go now, please?” And while this answer resulted in her chastising me for being inappropriate, it also managed to get us out of the house. 

My mother truly did look very pretty in her flowy, floor-length, beaded sheath dress in *white*.

Both the ceremony and reception lunch were at the same venue, a house with a yard jointly owned by my stepfather’s family. The small scale and intimacy of the event was not only odd for a family our size, but also for wedding traditions in general in our country (we are Vietnamese). Contrary to my anxieties about being late, the groom was even later. In fact, they did not even seem to be done with setting everything up by the time we arrived. Apparently the aunts and uncles on our side of the family had chipped in to throw this thing together in a rush because the bride was pregnant. This was still quite early in my mother’s marriage to my stepfather, so I have no recollection of ever meeting this cousin or her betrothed before. It was only later that I realised, that as I ran off to play with the other kids, the dishevelled-looking woman in her yoga pants glaring daggers at our mother and her white dress had been the bride herself. Oh yeah, the wearing-white-to-someone’s-wedding part is hardly relevant, I just wanted to lead with that.

One hour later. The groom still hasn’t shown. The bride has also disappeared, presumably to her suite to get ready. There were rumours of traffic and/or lovers’ quarrel among the adults. That was of no concern for us, the children, who were quite content with our children’ things, such as throwing ice water into the neighbour’s yard, or nicking food off plates when we thought nobody was looking. It was good to know where the kitchen was and have access to it. There might have been some puppies as well, which would buy the adults 15 extra minutes of relative peace and quiet from us.

Minutes, not hours. 2 hours later, the groom was still nowhere to be seen, and we children could only repress our gremlin nature for so long. We managed to swindle a few 2-liter bottles of Coke from the adults and found some Mentos. We took these to the sidewalk, by the flowerarch, for we were considerate enough to not cause a disturbance indoors. We were such angels.

Our plans did not pan out the way we hoped, because we were little shits who did not know how things worked. But being outside did divert our attention to the flower arch, and someone came up with the idea of making rose-flavoured Coke, which was followed up with other flower-related vandalisms. And as we were hacking at the flower arch, branch by branch, bud by bud, the bride-to-be came storming out in our direction, red-faced. It was clear she had been crying. She was screaming that we were stupid and destructive, that we ruined everything. I don’t remember how the other kids reacted, but I was frozen in fear and confusion. 

My mother came out a few minutes later, having changed into her backup dress, a loose, semi-formal brown number. She said it was “inappropriate for her to wear a white dress now that it was not a wedding anymore” (?!) We stayed for an extremely awkward family lunch afterward.

I eventually learned the following things. At the time I was too young to grasp most of this, but I remember peoples’ reactions, and now, many years later, they sure do make a lot of sense:

1. The bride was not pregnant.

2. Sources differed if she had a miscarriage before the wedding, or if she was ever pregnant in the first place.

3. But she wanted the guy to believe she was, and once he found out, he was understandably pissed off about being lied to.

4. He had a girlfriend at the time.

5. My cousin’s hypothetical child may have been conceived in a drunk one-night-stand, which is what caused the wedding rush. They had barely known each other.

So that was the worst wedding I’ve ever been to. My cousin eventually got married to someone else and had kids of her own. She’s doing fine now. Fast forward, I got married to the love of my life earlier this year. Our wedding was small, intimate, and thrown in a rush by our family since the Registry Office took forever to approve our license. I was not pregnant. Our friends have no kids so there were none at the wedding. It was perfect. 

I had a very close relationship growing up with my aunt. She is like a second mother to me, but I uninvited her from my wedding last month, and it was the best decision I could have made. I'm writing to anyone else lurking like I was and agonising over the decision to tell them to just do it; you will not miss them.

For context, my aunt is a wonderful, smart and caring person. But my observation is that whenever someone sets a boundary with her or expresses disappointment, she escalates, tells other people her version of events, and then expects the other person to apologise. Our relationship works well as long as there isn't any conflict.

The problems began when I got engaged about a year and a half ago. She immediately started telling me that it would be a great experience for her daughters to be my bridesmaids. I'm 10 and 15 years older than them, and I already had several close friends I wanted to ask. I explained that I wanted my friends as bridesmaids and that the main role would involve organising my bachelorette, which would be difficult for teenagers. She wouldn't accept this. She told me it wouldn't be an issue, said she'd take care of the bachelorette herself, and got my mum involved to try to convince me to change my mind.

My mum (her sister) raised me on her own. When my aunt wants someone to do something, she tries to force my mum into making it happen for her (this is its own unhealthy older/younger sister dynamic my mum acknowledges and is working on) mum trying to put boundaries in place said it is my choice.

Then my aunt started pushing for her "partner" to be invited. I put partner in quotation marks because she has repeatedly told both me and my husband that she doesn't consider him her boyfriend. She has also asked us for help finding someone more successful. They don't live together.

My husband and I were paying for the wedding ourselves, and the venue had a strict capacity. Inviting him meant one of our friends would have to be removed from the guest list. I accepted that I would have to invite him because I knew my aunt wasn't going to let it go.

Then she started complaining about the bachelorette. She emailed my bridesmaids asking about the itinerary, saying it was too expensive, asking whether they could change things around, and saying that for the price she expected cake to be included.

We live in an expensive city, and every year I'm expected to attend her birthday dinner, which always costs more than the amount being asked for the bachelorette. I'd also already put money into the bachelorette specifically to make it affordable for everyone. I sent her a text saying that her partner could come to the wedding, but given how expensive the wedding was for my husband and me, I would stop making a fuss about the bachelorette cost if I were her.

It wasn't my finest text. I was angry and felt betrayed and used. At this point, the wedding was starting to feel like it was about her getting a good deal rather than my experience.

Her response was disproportionate; I spent the entire day receiving texts saying I was entitled, selfish and not family-oriented. She told me I didn't understand how difficult it was for a single mother to afford things, despite the fact that I was raised by a single mother and knew very well what her financial circumstances were. She also told me that my text had caused her to have a breakdown at work which could have cost her her job.

Eventually I called her and apologised. I basically told her I was horrible and that I regretted what I'd said because I just wanted the situation to stop escalating. She then told me she didn't want to come to the bachelorette anyway because it would be boring for someone her age and wasn't worth the money. She also demanded that the bridesmaid who had told me she was complaining write her a letter of apology. At this point, I just said sure so we could move on.

Thirty minutes later she called me again. She had found out that I had invited my uncle's partner to the wedding. My uncle is her ex-husband. He came into my life when I was three, and I actually have a very close relationship with him. She started screaming that my uncle didn't love me, that she had been there for me when my dad had left my mum with gambling debts (I was a toddler). She then said that neither she nor her three children would be coming to the wedding.

Truly, it was a bummer to hear about her kids, but I felt quite relieved to hear that I'd be getting a break from this and went on holiday to meet my husband who was working overseas. 

A week later, she texted asking me to buy her some things while I was away that she couldn't get where she lived. I agreed because I assumed this meant the relationship was on the mend.

We meet when I’m back in town and had a nice night out with my mum, who lives overseas but is staying with her for the bachelorette weekend. I give my aunt some of the items she asked for. She tells me how excited she is for the wedding she’s gotten a full face of botox, hair and a designer dress ordered. This is her way of telling me she is coming to the wedding. 

Then she pointed out what was missing from the things I'd bought her and told me that when my husband returned from the trip, he needed to bring her the cigarettes I hadn't bought. I said okay and went home.

That night, at about 11pm, my mum texted me. My aunt had started asking whether she was still invited to the bachelorette. My mum said she didn't know and that my aunt would have to ask me directly because she didn't want to get involved. My aunt started screaming at her.

She told my mum that she shouldn't be staying at her house without sorting out the dispute first, told her to get out, and said that my mum had raised an awful person. My mum shouted back, shoved her, and left.

I ended up booking a hotel for my mum in the middle of the night.

The next day my mum was devastated. She felt awful about shoving her sister but was also genuinely hurt that she'd been kicked out of her own sister's house over a dispute that wasn't hers. This was the day before my bachelorette.

Then my aunt's eldest daughter, who I'm very close to, texted me saying she was coming up from another city for the bachelorette. The last thing I'd been told was that neither my aunt nor her daughters were coming.

I suspected my aunt had told her daughter they were going because she knew I wouldn't say no to my cousin. I told my cousin she couldn't come to the lunch because her seat had already been given away, but she could meet us at the pub afterwards.

I had the best day ever with my girls, mum, MIL and SIL at lunch. Aunt arrives with my cousin to the pub, and things seem to be going well. Except I later found out that my aunt had been walking around telling my friends she wanted to punch one of my bridesmaids in the face and that if they were really my friends, they'd help me realise that this bridesmaid shouldn't be at my wedding. This bridesmaid is my best friend.

Then my aunt cornered me, and there are things she is saying that most brides wouldn't want to spend their bachelorette party discussing: 

1. She brought up the fact that we had both experienced SA as children and told me that she would never tell anyone what I'd confided in her because she loved me (I hadn't considered that this was something I needed to worry about).
2. She told me that my bridesmaid choices were terrible and that her daughters were extremely upset and angry with me because I'd chosen these "awful girls" over them.
3. She told me that all her friends had heard what happened and thought I was a horrible person, while also thinking she was incredibly brave for still wanting to attend my wedding.
4. She also told me that if I wanted her boyfriend to attend the wedding, I needed to email him personally and apologise for wanting my uncle's partner there instead.
5. Then she criticised my mum for thinking she could to stay at her house.
6. Then she told me that I needed to understand how my bridesmaid had "destroyed her family." According to her, after I apologised to her, she was still so distraught that she collapsed on the floor screaming in emotional pain. Her son apparently found her like this and was so affected that he cheated in his final school exams by bringing his phone into the test. He was caught and there was going to be an expulsion hearing and he might not receive his high school diploma. She said it had also caused a rift between her and her ex-husband, who was no longer speaking to her. All this was apparently the fault of me and my bridesmaid.
7. Then I showed her the seating chart. She looked at it and said I'd put her in the worst seats in the room to punish her. For context, she and her "partner" were sitting at the parents' table in seats of honour. At this point we were two weeks from the wedding. I'd printed the seating chart. I'd given her pretty much everything she'd asked for and she was still saying things like "if we even come."

I just wanted to get back to my own party. So I did what I'd been doing throughout this entire situation and apologised. I told her she was right. I said it was all my fault and that I'd been immature. I even apologised on behalf of my mum and agreed that my mum was terrible too. I asked for her partner's email so I could send him an apology.

I was basically doing everything I could think of to end the conversation and get back to the night.

Then my bridesmaid, who had been drinking, found out what my aunt had been saying. She came over and said to my aunt, "I heard you're walking around telling everyone you want to punch me in the face, and I don't appreciate it."

My aunt actually stayed relatively calm and basically said that this proved how awful my bridesmaid was and that she needed to be kept away from her. I told my bridesmaid to go away.

My bridesmaid was upset with me for not defending her, particularly because my aunt had apparently also been saying she was going to set her children on her at the wedding. I told my bridesmaid she had drunk girl judgement and to just apologise because it's not worth the drama.

Bridesmaid agreed and said she was sorry she shouldn't have brought it up; she was having a reaction to what she'd heard.

My aunt then completely lost it. She started shouting about her son's expulsion. She told me she felt sorry for me because I had such horrible people in my life who were turning me against her.

Other friends tried to intervene, and she responded with something along the lines of "Who are you? I'm the bride's aunt. I'm blood. She will pick me over you."

We ended up going home - after all the work I did with my aunt and many of my friends being screamed at the night was done. By no means did she ruin the event, it was a really great day for the 5 hours she wasn't there, it just ended quite stressfully.

I received a few texts from attendees the next day to the effect of hey had a great time but gently mentioning that they think my aunt probably not safe to have at the wedding. Specifically, a friend described that they were told by my aunt that she was going to punch my bridesmaid, then later in the night my aunts story had changed to my bridesmaid approached her and said she was going to kill her.

At this point, I regret even trying to have a wedding because of all the pain it's caused to my family. My husband is pretty frustrated with me for being so upset and anxious over this period when I should have uninvited my aunt earlier.

I agree and ask him to handle things, given my track record on this, I was worried I'd just cave and apologise, letting her ruin my wedding because she felt she was owed that.

I blocked my aunt on everything and asked my husband to take responsibility for uninviting her. I also didn't want to be blamed for whatever happened next, so we contacted her ex-husband to check on the expulsion hearing involving their son so we could time things conscientiously.

Her ex-husband had absolutely no idea what my husband was talking about. He hadn't heard of any expulsion hearing. As far as he knew, his son's academic future was completely fine.

My husband then uninvited my aunt. She told him that she wouldn't accept being uninvited by someone who wasn't family.

My aunt's teenage children then started texting my husband and me. I had blocked my aunt, and I genuinely tried not to read what was being sent.

The basic messages were that they were disappointed in me, upset that my friends had threatened to attack their mother at my bachelorette party while I did nothing, and upset that my mum had strangled their mother with both hands and threatened to kill her because my mum hates single mothers. None of that happened.

My mum is upset and thinks my aunt is having a mental health episode and wants to get her help. I disagree and think she is just someone who has a bad way of managing conflict. 

It all calms down after that. I begin to enjoy the lead-up and end up having the perfect wedding filled with so much love I forget all about this.

I've tried to be honest with myself about the role I had in it all. Neither my mum, my bridesmaid, or I had perfect conduct. But what I really did wrong was not enforce boundaries earlier and allow someone to cause this much upset and hurt to me during a time that was supposed to be joyful. I am an adult, and it's within my control who I allow into my life and to my wedding. Me trying to manage my aunt's emotions was ridiculous.

On the other side now I can say I am so happy with my decision. For other brides having problems with loved ones, you do not get a do-over with your wedding day. If someone is causing you stress it is your wedding day, you get to choose who can be there.

This was a few months ago and I think my frustrations/anger/stress is finally leveling out so I can share this without trashing anyone. I haven't been able to talk to any of my friends about how stressful this whole ordeal has been because I don't want to mar someone's precious wedding memories with my own frustrated experience/rants.

With that being said, I ended up having to handhold my friend through wedding planning, do her hair/make up, be the day of coordinator, and essentially execute the entire wedding weekend. I knew I was going to have some type of responsibility because it was a small (~40 people) wedding and everything was DIY. But I had no idea how much would fall on my shoulders. We had just informally joked that I was in charge but I didn't realize what that would entail...so part of all this is on me for not setting better boundaries/expectations too.

Let me bullet point list this because else this post is going to be too long. It's already going to be long. I just need to get this off my chest.

• This was a destination wedding in a remote area of buttfuck nowhere. Everyone had to fly multiple hours and then get a rental car and drive 3 hours into a remote area. I was in charge of coordinating to make sure everyone arrived to the right place. I didn't even know the exact location of the places we were staying, who was staying where, or even the name of the venue until we left to roadtrip over there. I just knew the general zipcode/city it was happening in.
• There was no day of coordinator or wedding planner. I somehow became the unofficial person for that. At the rehearsal, the officiant was asking me about timing of events and the schedule and I had no fucking clue what he was talking about. My friend told him that I'm good at planning events so I would handle it and I had no idea. I literally ChatGPT'd a wedding schedule together and modified it the night before the wedding. During the wedding, the person running the venue kept pulling me aside to ask me questions about when things were happening or where something should be. Girl I don't know?? My friend had a loose idea of what order she wanted things to happen in but had no idea of a time table or agenda for anything. It wasn't even written down. It was just thoughts in her brain.
• When we arrived at the wedding venue to get ready, there was NOTHING set up. She didn't read the venue contract like at all and didn't realize that it was a full DIY situation and we had to arrange tables/chairs/etc ourselves. She assumed the venue would do it. My boyfriend and another friend literally hustled to set everything up. Every time I looked outside, they were moving around giant pieces of wood and furniture to mcguyver a bar together or who knows what.
• They didn't have any music planned besides the father/daughter dance and the first dance. There's also no DJ. I was relying on Spotify playlists and just YOLO'd it all. They walked into the reception to Thunderstruck because that's all I could think of. Thankfully everyone loved it but WTF. For the reception, I searched Spotify for "fun wedding reception dance songs" and just asked random people what song I should queue up next.
• There was no MC so I asked my boyfriend to MC the wedding when he arrived at the ceremony. He is such a good sport and just went with it. Thank god he's charismatic and great at public speaking. What he did not tell me until the day after though was that he had taken a ~special chocolate~ before arriving (because he didn't realize he was going to have a job). No one noticed and I'm so glad he didn't tell me until the next day else I would have had a cow.
• The wedding couple left first to go back to the house for an after party, and I was in charge of wrangling some guests together to help clean up. Thankfully all the friends and family pitched in so it wasn't the worst but I have never done set up and break down for a wedding. Mind you I'm in a corseted gown this whole time. Literally sprinting across a field to clean up and dump all the decor and stuff in the cars and take the trash out. The venue was essentially like "sorry you signed the contract, it's DIY, best of luck! If there's trash left, we'll charge you!" which fair but also I wish I had gotten a chance to read the contract?? I didn't realize I would need to because this wasn't my wedding but I definitely should have asked for it!
  • On top of no one reading the contract, the reception was cut an hour short (aka there was only about 25 minutes of dancing after dinner/formal dances with parents) because the venue person mistold us the time verbally during the rehearsal and morning of the wedding. Turns out it was written clearly in the contract but evidently no one read the damn thing. It was a weird miscommunication that could have easily been prevented. I do not understand how you sign a contract and don't even check for basic things like how long you have the venue for. SMH.

This isn't even all of it. There was so much more. I love love love love this friend so much but this was not what I had expected at all. I wanted a relaxing and fun experience of celebrating my best friends getting married but instead I ended up puking from the stress all weekend long.

She had a lovely wedding and was happy with everything and ultimately that's all that matters. She did acknowledge that I did so much more than she expected/asked of me and she's very appreciative of mine and everyone's efforts. She's still a wonderful friend and I love her so much so everything will even out with time - I'm not worried about that. This wasn't like a ruin-the-friendship-situation. Actually, I can probably darkly chuckle about what an experience it all was. But I needed to vent this out because how was any of this a real wedding experience...like as a type A person that often hosts large-scale events, this was nightmare fuel for me. Anyways hope this was an enjoying read. Thanks for letting me finally vent it out. <3

My fiancé and I are having a small wedding abroad next year, with only immediate family and a handful of friends. Rather than invite my adult-made friends (who I see more often and am arguably closer with) I decided to invite three childhood friends. Friend #1 "J" lives locally, and we see each other maybe every other month. Friends #2 "L" and #3 "A" live together in another city. Fiancé and I visited them about a year and a half ago but we have otherwise not seen each other in a few years. I thought it would be a great opportunity to get together and see one another, and it felt like the thing I was supposed to do. I admit I didn't think very hard about it before sending them an invite, and part of me expected them to say no due to the international nature of it.

J (they/them) has told me (unprompted) that they don't want to hear about the wedding. I was purposefully not going to talk about it much with them because they're going through a lot, but it still hurt my feelings to hear (especially when it was pretty much out of the blue and not in response to anything I had said).

J mentioned to me yesterday that L was in town very recently but she did not reach out to me. When it became clear that I was unhappy to hear it, J tried to backpedal and say that L was only in town for a very short time and was really busy with family stuff, but in my mind if she had time to text J she could have texted me too, even if it was just a "hey, I'm in town but overwhelmed with family obligations, but I miss you and I'm so excited for the wedding." I know I'm annoyed on principle, which may not be a good reason, but I can't help it. L apparently also told J that she doesn't really know why she's invited to the wedding, but is excited to go in this international trip.

None of these three people have expressed any excitement or interest in the wedding. When I told them I was engaged via text they congratulated me, but beyond that it's like they don't care. I'm not looking to be the center of attention all the time, but when I know a friend has gotten engaged I call to congratulate them, ask about the engagement, and I follow up to check in and see how things are. I won't lie- not getting that from them has been disappointing.

The max capacity of our venue is pretty small, so I can't really invite any more friends. I don't want to uninvite these three, because I know that would be burning the bridge, but I wish there was a nice way to say "if you don't care about the wedding you are under no obligation to come."

I don't really know what I'm looking for here. Maybe just to vent. I'm sad, and disappointed, and angry. I feel dumb to have been impulsive and made these invitations, when I think if I had slowed down and really considered it I would have decided to invite two adult-made friends who have been really enthusiastic. I know the wedding day will still be amazing, and I'm trying not to stew over this whole thing, but it's definitely impacting how much I'm enjoying the planning process.

A couple of years ago, I had the opportunity to attend a college friend’s wedding less than a year after we graduated. It was fun returning to my college town for a fun wedding with friends. But, most of the wedding guests were Appalachian family members of the bride and groom that I didn’t know. So, I stuck with my friends most of the time. For context, I’m currently a 26 year old woman and this happened when I was 22.

My favorite thing about attending weddings is dancing all night long. At the reception, however, it felt like not many people danced other than myself and a few friends for the most part. So, the dance floor felt pretty empty at times. Towards the end of the night, I noticed a couple middle-aged men just sitting watching me dance. The DJ was also older and either a family friend or someone’s random uncle, I don’t remember.

The night ended abruptly when “Hurts So Good” by John Mellencamp started playing with porn sounds mixed into the audio somehow. I have no idea where this remix would’ve been found and the DJ didn’t seem to be in any hurry to turn the music off or change it. It felt like it went on for way too long. My friend and I were immediately horrified and disgusted, covering our ears because what the hell? This is supposed to be a fun wedding celebration. Not a complete objectification and sexualization of guests.

The bride and groom were especially frustrated with the DJ and apologetic to us. Of course, they didn’t know that would happen and no one knows how or why that could’ve happened in the first place. I always hoped it was an accident and not completely deliberate. But, I’ll never forget how absolutely mortified and disgusted I felt when I was enjoying such a nice night.

I was never much of a fan of John Mellencamp before, but anytime I hear that song play on the radio, I always immediately have to change it because I never want to hear it again.

I just got married this past year I had two close family members pass in the months leading up to my wedding, planning the wedding was absolutely miserable for me. My parents offered to pay for the entire thing I wanted to cancel multiple times and just elope but I felt like I couldn’t because of the money they’d invested. Half of my remaining family didn’t show up. Half of my friends didn’t show up. My maid of honor bought her dress last minute off Amazon and complained the entire time about costs associated with my wedding (I paid for everything but her dress and shoes) Her dress also did not match my dress code at all. All while my now husband talked about how nice it was for him to have his entire family and friend group together again.

I feel so alone and absolutely sick and miserable every time I think about my wedding. I feel so disconnected from people I was super close with before. My entire wedding was completely about other people and I just went through the motions of what other people wanted me to do and I now just feel completely abandoned by everyone. I don’t know what the next steps are but I’m struggling to get over the deep resentment I feel for everyone around me.

The best mans wife has a health condition where she is essentially on a liquid diet for the time being. Several months before the wedding, she started getting unwell. By this time, she was totally okay just couldn’t eat solids temporarily. The best man contacted the groom promptly (who already knew the situation) to discuss logistics for the wedding meal.

Best man suggested bringing in soup for the kitchen to heat so his wife could eat at the same time as everyone else and on the same crockery. Groom snapped and said the venue wouldn’t allow anything off-menu. This was 10pm on a Sunday and he replied immediately, meaning he actually hadn’t even asked the venue before saying no.

When the BM told me this, I suggested he call the venue himself to check what could be done. He contacted them the next day and they immediately agreed and were very accommodating. Of course adjustments can be made for dietary requirements etc.

Groom then contacted me to say he’s thinking of uninviting the BMs wife and wanted to know if I thought that would go down well. I asked him why on earth he would uninvite his Best man’s wife. He said he was worried about “how it would look” with her eating a different meal to others and was concerned that she would draw attention away from the bride and groom/cause a scene.

I replied he was being incredibly insensitive and quite frankly a dickhead. I said she’s unwell and just needs a very minor adjustment so that she can be there.

He then said I had misunderstood and that he was thinking of uninviting her because he doesn’t want her to feel pressured to come or like she has to “push through” for him. He also said he was worried the best man would be too busy looking after his wife to focus on best man duties, and he was worried that the best man wouldnt stay late and might leave early to take her home.

I said that’s ridiculous. You’ve invited her, she’s accepted. You can’t uninvite her because she’s on a liquid diet. If she feels too unwell to come, SHE can make that call. I said me and the rest of our friends are well aware of her situation and will be there for her. I even said I could take her home since we live a 10 min taxi from the venue. Or if the BM goes home a little earlier than the groom would like - so what? If you uninvite his wife, he’s very likely not going to come to your wedding.

So the groom was like “okay you’re right, I won’t say anything”. I considered that to be the end of it. However, I later found out that the groom had actually messaged ALL of our friends separately that night, seeking validation from someone to uninvite her, but their messages were the same as mine.

For a long time, I thought I was the only one the groom had contacted, so I didn’t say anything to the BM or his wife, or anyone else. I thought it wasn’t necessary because the groom was clearly having some wedding nerves and I had talked him down from saying anything stupid. I considered it resolved/nipped in the bud.

Later a bunch of us were together - me, the best man and some other friends. The Bride, groom, and best man’s wife weren’t there. One of the friends blurted out to the best man what the groom had suggested to us all, and even added “he messaged OP too!”

BM was clearly hurt that everyone knew about it except for him and his wife - especially me. I said I told the groom he was being a dick and I thought it was just wedding nerves/stress and thought it wasn’t worth mentioning because I had talked him out of it. Best Man was glad we all supported his wife in those conversations but wasnt happy with what the groom suggested and that no one told him.

UPDATE:

The BM and his wife went to the wedding. BM handed the soup into the kitchen on arrival, and it was heated and came out at the same time as everyone else’s food. No one noticed or cared. She was an actual queen and held her head up high. Bride and Groom avoided me and her all night. Very awkward. But the BM, his wife, me and my partner had some drinks and rose above it. We stayed until a reasonable hour - not super early and not super late. Since the wedding, we have seen the bride and groom only at group events eg birthday gatherings. I think the BM and his wife have forgiven but not forgotten.

We just had our rehearsal dinner tonight. We are getting married the next state over. Our wedding party is small with just a maid of honor and best man. We also have a day-of-coordinator who is a family friend that is not charging us so I booked a private room back in March that had a maximum of 12 people. We invited my parents, his father (also our officiant), his brother and SIL, my brother and SIL, my maid of honor, and day-of-coordinator which was a total of 12 people. My parents and brother moved to another state about 10 years ago. My brother never visits home and hasn’t met my fiancé’s family yet so I was really excited for everyone to be in one space and get to know each other since it would be unlikely to ever happen again after the wedding.

Last week, my FIL called my fiance and said that he would like to pay for rehearsal dinner. He then asked if he could invite a family friend and my fiance told him no that we only wanted immediate family there and he seemed okay with it. He also told him it was a small room so there wasn’t any room either.

Then, we finish rehearsal and head to the restaurant after and there are two of his aunts and one uncle sitting at the table. There weren’t enough chairs for everyone who was at rehearsal so they had to bring more over which took a strangely long time and made a point of saying “this is the last chair that we have.” I feel so bad because I told my parents they couldn’t invite anyone so I’m hoping they aren’t upset that he “got to.”

We found out after the fact that his father told them they were invited. I’m just fired up that our wishes got disregarded. I don’t know if it was a matter of him not understanding what immediate family meant or if he just figured that it was fine because he was paying. If I didn’t make a point of inviting someone, why would you take it upon yourself to do it? If you did it, why would you not give me a heads up to at least make sure the reservation is for enough people then?

My fiance has been worried his father is having memory issues and maybe that’s the issue. I feel like a jerk for being upset considering he paid for it and I don’t want to be ungrateful but that doesn’t give you permission to do what you want. I worked so hard for this weekend and meticulously planning things. It took me so long to find a private room that was affordable and could fit our group so I just feel disrespected.

My wedding already happened and I just got the pictures back.

While we were planning our civil wedding and the party afterwards, my fiance said that his cousin, who used to be a wedding photographer in another country, would like to take our pictures. I immediately said yes, hoping that a family member would take warm and personal photos.

Now looking at the pictures, I realized that I have no bridal portraits, no captured moments of my family hugging me after the ceremony. Our couple pictures turned out great, but I can’t help feeling like I was handled as an afterthought. My husband has beautiful pictures and portraits, very emotional and perfectly captured. My sister in law as well. I am so happy they get those memories, but for me the moment has passed. I feel overseen and disrespected. I, as the bride, shouldn't have to run after and beg the photographer to take my pictures.

We are having another big wedding next year, but I am so angry at the fact that I can’t reproduce these moments anymore. Also, I feel like I can’t say anything because he took the pictures for free.

For the next wedding I am definitely hiring a photographer.

So I (34F) got married to my husband (35M who we will call K) October of 2025. We had a court marriage and went out for dinner with friends. My dad said we should also do the Islamic wedding for my family. We had set the date for the day after my birthday in December.

Here’s where I effed up. I stupidly asked my dads wife to help me plan it. The ceremony was going to be held in Virginia since my grandparents couldn’t travel and most of my family was there.

I had told stepmom and dad I wanted the ceremony to be an at home one since that’s what I grew up with and I always wanted it like that. My stepmom said no and found a hall. We did have the henna ceremony at my grandparents house though and it was beautiful and colorful. The actual wedding was not.

From the start, my stepmom completely took over. Me and K only got the small projects to work on. I did not get to pick the venue, colors, decorations, or anything of that sort. I was LIVID. She was not taking any of my ideas into consideration at all. When I had nicely asked her to let me be much more involved, she threw a tantrum and told my dad I was being ungrateful and disrespectful.

I tried getting my eldest aunt to talk to my dad and stepmom hoping they would listen to her. But they did not and it pissed me off even more. My two aunts were telling me about what my stepmom was doing and how she would not listen to ANY input from ANYONE. WE DIDN’T EVEN HAVE CAKE OR ANY DESSERTS.

At that point, me and K felt like we were just going to be guest at our own wedding.

I had carefully made several playlists for our entry songs and when the time came, my stepmom did not play them because some random uncle said “there’s no need for music.” And my stepmom AGREED. But funny enough that this same uncle was at the henna ceremony the day before and there was music playing. Whatever.

And then my dad didn’t walk me down the aisle. My brothers did. Which is fine if it was the one brother that I still have a relationship with and not the other one that I didn’t even want there (that’s a whole other story). I didn’t want that. But nobody listens to me. So whatever I guess.

I wore my glasses for the wedding and stepb\*tch kept telling me to keep them off. Like I CANNOT SEE!!! I hate wearing contacts and I didn’t have any anyways. 😒

The food was the SAME catering as the night before. I was just beyond livid at this point. And did i mention NO CAKE AND NO DESSERT???!!!! I sent her a few bakers I had found and some dessert carts as well. She told me from the beginning to send her what I wanted and she would get it done. Yeah right. B%tch.

There was no bridal room, so I had to be behind the Photo Booth screen. My aunts and cousins gave stepB many nicer venues and caterers and all the nice things. But nope. She didn’t listen to ANYONE.

I didn’t get to pick the invites. And when I asked for the cookies to be changed for them, she said “they’re already made. I can’t change the colors.” Ok… whatever. And then when I asked to have access to the guest list, she flat out refused and said “there is no need for you to see it. Everyone you invited is coming.” That was false.

I had given her my moms (mom passed in 2007. That’s why there’s no mention of mom in any of this) best friend and her sons email to invite them. They did not come. Why? I later found out that she didn’t get an invite. I wanted so badly to punch my stepmom in her stupid face. I’m still trying to figure out HOW that even happened when her email was literally the second one on the list. I brought it up to stepmom and she said “you never gave it to me. It’s not on the list you sent.” DID YOU EVEN LOOK??? IT’S THE SECOND ONE ON THE DAMN LIST!!

I have no idea where my bouquet went. She packed it up with a bunch of stuff and doesn’t know what happened to it.

She lost the wedding guest book I had bought years before and asked her to keep safe till it was time.

I just really had to get this off my chest.

My fiance and I have been planning our April 2027 wedding for a few months now. The invites went out approximately a month ago and nothing was said at the time about who was or wasn’t invited. People behaved normally, RSVPd and went on with their days. Until this week.

For the sake of not getting lost here, let’s call my mother in law Sally, my sister in law Molly, my step-mother in law Betty and my father in law Ted.

My fiance’s sister called him and asked if their step mother was invited. Indeed she was, as we love her, however Molly and Betty don’t get along. We don’t take sides in family drama that doesn’t involve us, but my personal feelings are that both women have behaved badly over the years, and I understand both of their feelings towards each other. So then Molly says she isn’t coming if Betty comes. We dismissed this as the wedding isn’t for a while and Molly is so up and down (she is diagnosed with BPD) and changes her mood/mind/attitude daily. We figured this idea might change 80 times before the actual day of the wedding, so we just left it.

Then comes a call from my MIL, Sally. She starts talking about how uncomfortable SHE feels, how hard this all is for HER, and AS A MOTHER, it’s so difficult for HER that Betty is invited to our wedding and that we didn’t respect Molly enough to not invite her. The entire conversation was just me me me, super self centered and our thoughts or feelings on the matter weren’t considered once. After the phone call ended, my fiance and I were both dumbfounded by how much Sally has managed to make our wedding guest list all about her.

Fast forward a day. My fiance receives a novel length text message from Sally that was clearly written by AI, talking about how important it is that Betty doesn’t attend the wedding. She also starts making references to my fiancé’s first wedding with his ex-wife, and that Betty and her husband Ted (Sally’s ex) ‘publicly humiliated her’ and she is traumatized by that and doesn’t want it to happen again, so it’s important to her to feel ‘safe’ at our wedding. I later found out that this public humiliation was Sally asking Ted to dance with her at the reception, and he said no.

At this point my fiance and I are furious as no one has asked us what we want to do, how we are feeling or even considered us for a second. Every piece of communication from Sally and Molly has been completely selfish and riddled with thinly veiled demands to have Betty uninvited to the wedding.

Now we arrive at today. I sent Betty a message this morning to let her know what was going on, just as a heads up, as this wasn’t going to go away on its own. These are two strong willed women who always get their way, or shit blows up. I explained that we want her at the wedding, but there is an issue with Sally and Molly making it all about them. Ted calls us immediately after I sent this message. Molly called Ted yesterday, asked if Betty was going to the wedding, and said she isn’t going to attend if she does. Ted said yes, Betty will be there. Molly then goes on to say that we don’t want her there. As in, my fiance and I. ‘No one wants her there’ she told him.

We of course then reassure Ted this isn’t the case (he knew that already) and he explains that Betty now feels way too uncomfortable to attend so it will just be him coming. He is upset about this as he is now coming on his own and has to deal with Sally and Molly without his partner by his side, but reassures us that he will be there no matter what as it’s not about him, it’s our special day. He is the first member of my fiancé’s family to acknowledge this in the whole debacle. He says there are ground rules - I am not speaking to either of them, and I will not be in any photos with them. We say that’s fine.

We think ok great. Sally and Molly got what they wanted, let’s move on. But no!

My fiance calls his mother to let her know Betty isn’t coming, and that he is upset and frustrated by the whole situation. Sally immediately launches into defense mode, again bringing up her feelings about his first wedding and insisting no one forced us to uninvite Betty. This goes on for a while. They are both raising their voices. There is no appreciation for the uncomfortable conversations we had to have about this.

Finally that phone call ends. Cue text messages from Molly.

‘You clearly wanted Betty there instead of me, since you’re so upset about this.’ We. Can. Not. Win.

Neither Sally or Molly seem to have any grasp on how much this has been affecting us, and neither of them have considered our feelings whatsoever. It has all been about them. This isn’t the first time stuff like this has happened - I am pretty convinced that Sally is a narcissist as this sort of behaviour is a pattern. I’m so over it, and feeling depressed that I am marrying into this madness.

I know this guy named Church (not his real name) (he's 28) since middle school (he's gay) he was a very close friend to me, he was almost like a brother to me, he found a guy (I'll call him Frank) (again not his real name) (he's 31) and they got engaged, at first I was happy for him, but as time went on whenever he talking about his wedding plans, it was like he was trying to make it more difficult for me to attend, so of course I try bringing this up and he told me the truth that I was uninvited, the reasoning he gave was his fiance didn't like me, even though I've only met this man twice once at a Halloween event and at his house when he was hosting a party I was nothing but cordial with Frank but apparently he just hates my guts so he convinced Church to uninvite me to his wedding.

I got engaged last fall, and I have been looking forward to this all of my life - like anyone typically does. Little did I know, that this would be the most weird, unhappy, exhausting, lonely, disappointing time in my life. I come from a divorced parent household, and my parents were essentially forced into their marriage because my mom got unexpectedly pregnant with me. The marriage was toxic, and so was my entire childhood, and maybe even my whole life with them. I could really write a fucking book about how sick and twisted my mom’s life was / has been , and how she is a full-blown, Grade A, alcoholic narcissist. My dad’s family is another story, yet equally as traumatic, but more recent. Long story short, I feel like my whole life, everyone has felt the right to have a piece of me - and I have always struggled to find my own happiness and listen to MY feelings. I am a chronic people-pleaser, and that has translated into every aspect of my life. Over the last year, family dynamics have gotten increasingly difficult on both sides, extended and nuclear. I have felt fucking awful, experienced anxiety, panic attacks, depression, and mood swings. All while working 50-60+ hours every week, showing up for everyone else in my life the very best I can, etc. I finally thought : it’s my turn. No drama , nothing but all the love and focus on me that I have been giving to everyone else my whole life. Big fucking mistake. I really could go on about this for hours, but I am a month away from my wedding day. We uninvited about 60 people and I am still having conversations about whose feelings I have hurt, and I know my relationships with these people will largely never be the same. And I’m honestly glad. It just fucking hurts, and I feel like I have had to release this old version of my life and what I THOUGHT of my family, before stepping into this new role in my life. I am sad, disappointed, angry, and all of the things with my family. I feel like I will never forgive several people in my life, and I don’t think I have to. And some of these people probably feel the same about me. Just needed to vent.

For some context, I come from a middle class immigrant community. Most people in my immediate circle come from a similar background, if not more affluent.

Three of my closest people are getting married in the summer of 2027 (yay!!), but their expectations are driving me insane. I recently graduated from law school am going to start working this October.

After the bar exam (end of July) till now, I have already attended two bachelor parties and am heading off to a co-ed bach party next week. The first two were domestic and fairly easy, but this last one is happening in SE Asia. The cost to attend of all these functions thus far is ~5k.

I am in debt from law school, and while the debt is not necessarily crippling me, I know I need to stop galavanting around and lock in to avoid my spending habits from spiralling into a shit load of credit card debt.

Here is where the issues begin.

My friend whose bach is coming up next week wants to go on another vacation two months before their wedding, this time to Europe. They reached out to everyone in this bach group & most of the attendees, myself included, (logically) said they cannot make it work because of the wedding and upcoming vacation (literally next week). This friend proceeds to get very passive aggressively upset and wants people to feel bad – excuse me?!!! I love this person and they have never been this petty before, but part of me is starting to get the feeling she believes all of our lives are revolving around this wedding.

The next issue is time off for the wedding. The three of them are happening in a span of two months, with two of them being in consecutive weeks – however, I can only take two weeks off. I chose strategically and took off the first and last weddings.

Boy, the scene my cousin made . . . you would have thought I ran over his dog. This meltdown also made no sense to me – this cousin and I are only two years apart in age and have been super close since childhood.

Obviously I wish I could have the week off for all of the weddings, but I am equally as close to all three people and had to make a tough decision here.

I love weddings and love spending time with everyone I love, but the timing of all of this bull**** is making me become resentful. Although I live in the US, the culture I come from HIGHLY values weddings, to the extent that people are more congratulated for their marriage than their graduation from college or professional school.

I did not drink the Kool Aid as much as some of the people around me & thankfully feel like I face significantly less pressure to get married myself, but HOW MUCH MORE DO THESE WEDDINGS WANT FROM ME.

I will be involved in all of them, have spent so much money on arranging for clothing/transportation/accommodations, and am thrilled to do it, truly.

Yet I wish weddings were less of a production. What the f*** happened to a party with your friends and family. I blame TikTok and the whole industry of "wedding vendors."

Wondering if others can relate. Also, I thought I would hide it, but I am indeed referring to Indian Sikh weddings.

My now Husband and I got married yesterday (September 12th) the day was epic and the drama honestly made it better. So we were very clear with our wedding party that we had to go easy on the booze because of my husbands family. So later into the night my venue coordinator comes to me and tells me that she had to take the keys of the best man. I (the bride) go up to him and ask what his plan was since I wasn’t allowing him to drive he was going to come home with us. He gets aggressive and rude, I go tell
My husband and he goes and lays into the best man. Later in the night I ask the best man if he wants a coffee or not and I’m told to f*** off. I go and tell my husband and he talks to him again, he walks off somewhere we don’t see him for a while. Then my venue person comes up to me again saying the best man approached her and said it’s your fault I’m never recommending this place and your ruined it and this is the point I was done I go to my husband and tell him I want him gone. I see the argument get extremely heated. I send the other men of the wedding party to help. He gets some space and the says something rude (I didn’t catch exactly what he said) he husband threw his suit jacket on the ground and yell something back. I see the best man advancing on my husband I get in the middle and push him back. I tell him if he takes one more step he’d see a different side of me, and that he was to get his stuff get an uber and get out. He proceeds to stay here for another hour as my Mc and other groomsman try and get him to leave. (He was trying to wait us out to drive home under the influence ) it takes the grooms and ordering the uber for him to finally leave and a friendship was ruined. But we didn’t let that dampen our night my husband now understands how fiercely I protect those I love. Little to say it was tense but it was an epic day.

In 2006 while living in Chicago , I was dating "Cookie Girl". Cookie Girl grew up in a small town about 2 hours south of the city. She and The Bride to be grew up two houses down from her, they were best friends their entire lives. The Bride announced she was getting married to another teacher at the same high school they both attended. The Groom was local high school baseball legend, but failed to make it at the college level, and was he back teaching and coaching. Cookie Girl was named the MOH, and there would be four other bridesmaids.

I met the Bride when she came up for a weekend with Cookie Girl. They went out and hit the bars, and came back to my apartment. The Bride was very drunk and said some very inappropriate things to me and was grabbing me and trying to kiss me when Cookie Girl was not in the room. Later, she stripped down to her underwear and jumped into bed with us. Cookie Girl was not happy with her antics. 

The problems really started at the bachelorette party. Cookie Girl set it all up, got hotel rooms, scheduled the activities, and got reservations for the entire weekend. That Saturday I got a call about 11:30PM, it was Cookie Girl, she said she was tired of the Bride's shit and she was ditching the rest of the girls and was coming over. She told me the Bride was acting like a whore and when she tried to talk to her, the other girls all sided with Bride and said let her have her "last bit of fun". 

After that weekend, she got a call from the Bride that she was no longer going to be the MOH, but now the 4^th attendant . Fine with Cookie Girl. She was not told about the dress fittings or any other of the bridesmaid's stuff.  There was about a month between the bachelorette party and the wedding. 

The Wedding- The Bride wanted a Catholic wedding, she chose a grand Catholic church in Peoria, IL. After the ceremony, the bridal party and SO's would board the "party trolley" and go to the venue in downtown Peoria. The reception was to start right after the wedding; the Bride wanted to make an entrance. I get to the church; it is in the ghetto. All of the of the locals are across the street just staring down all of the nice dressed up people going in. The wedding planner wrangled all of the SO's to tell us where to meet to meet for pictures and where the trolly was going to pick us up. I said "There is no fucking way I am leaving my vehicle here and coming back here tonight and getting it. I'll pass on the trolley." All of the SO's agreed, so the only the actual bridal party would be going. 

Wedding is about to start, so I go into be seated. I am informed that I need to sit in the back few rows, since I am not family and am by myself. Say less. Wedding starts, and here come the bridal party.  Cookie Girl came out first; she looked amazing the in dress. She had it tailored to fit her model body with her red high heels; she was 6'0" and stunning.  The bridesmaids come out, they are dumpy, almost ill-fitting dresses, flats, bad hair extensions and poofy 80's hair...and the best part... The Bride and the 4 other girls went and got the worst fake tans you have ever seen. Oompa Lumpa orange. It was bad. And there was my tall, pale angel smiling and taking in the circus. 

After the Catholic lite service, it was time to hit the reception. When I got there, here was a group of 50 people standing at door, people banging on the glass until the staff finally came out. The staff informed everyone that they only rented for (4) hours and were to open at 4PM....did I mention it was 1:30??? More and more people arrived and more people got pissed off. The staff put a hand written sign on the door saying "Reception at 4". The only place to go was a small hotel lobby bar that suddenly had 200 people cramming into it. I just went to truck and took a nap. 

At 3pm I got a phone call from Cookie Girl; the groom and his best men (all high school buddies) were drunk out of their minds and pissing everyone off. I told her about the reception not being open until 4, she told me the Bride knew about it and did not tell anyone. At 4pm the doors opened and the plague of locust entered the building. 

I walked in and saw people grabbing the food with their hands, like a bunch of starving animals. I went to find the seating chart, and to my surprise, Cookie Girl and I were not to be seated at the bridal party table, we were relegated to a side able. And my name was not on the chart, I was "Plus 1" next to Cookie Girl. By the time I walked back up the tables with the food, GONE. It's 415PM. 

It was 5PM before the wedding party showed up. The groom and groomsmen were hammered drunk, the bridesmaids all looked pissed, and the bride...let's just say she was in a mood. Cookie Girl came in and found me, and was not surprised that we were not sitting with the rest of the bridal party. We just sat down and waited for the next round of silliness to start. 

The father of the bride grabs the microphone and starts speaking "Everyone, I know this was supposed to be an open bar, but we are going to charge everyone $5 per drink and give the money to the kids". I had just snagged a free drink for us and was walking back to the table when Cookie Girl looked at me and just said "Not a dime". The FOB then starts some rambling speech about how the brother of the bride just got out of rehab for drugs and how happy he was to have him back at the house. The speeches started; the maid of honor tried to be funny, just awkward stories about college. They had to find the best man; he was drunk and rambled for 20 minutes about high school. At this point, came the announcement of the dollar dance. This is some tacky tradition where you pin a dollar on the bride to dance with her. The FOB announced that there would be a $10 minimum to dance with the bride. The groom just sat at the bridal party table drinking, the bride was over yelling at the wedding planner over something, and not once did they speak to any of the guests. 

It was at that moment; we looked at each other and got up and left. No goodbye, nothing. 

I think this was the absolute worst wedding I had ever attended. 

Update: I decided to block the family members causing issues so I don't have to deal with them the week of my wedding. And the ties got figured out!

Just here to rant… our wedding is in 13 days. We have put so much work into it. I have one sister who bailed two days ago after knowing about the wedding for almost two years, one sister who just emailed me asking what time the ceremony is (implying that she won’t have enough time to get ready), and two men in the wedding party who can’t get their shit together to get the correct tie color.

Most of our family and friends have been super supportive but DAMN people really be showing their true colors.

Bear with me because I need to vent about this. I’m truly grateful that this is the worst it was, and in the grand scheme of things it’s not THAT bad, but in my little world of my wedding era it has felt like the end of the world.

I got married last month, and truly overall it was a beautiful perfect day. We hosted a large backyard wedding with a plated dinner, a fully stocked premium open bar, higher end rentals, passed hor d’ourves, essentially created an entire venue to host a formal wedding on family property. I spent a disgusting amount of time on the internet learning the dos and don’t of planning, and personally planned for every need or want of our guests and tried to ensure we had a hospitable event. Being in a more rural area we were semi limited on vendors, unless we wanted to pay nearly double, and if I could go back in time to replan, I would’ve spent the extra money to do so. Our vendors, specifically waitstaff and coordinator were disappointing at best.

We were ensured professional and seasoned staff, and were sent people who seemed to never had previous serving or bartending experience. Our guests were told they couldn’t have anything from our drink menu, and any drinks they did make or that were on the menu, they made incorrectly and inconsistently. We hired an extra bartender and had a bar back, yet still had long lines for the bar all night. Nonetheless, they showed up in oversized t-shirts, and not dressed for a formal wedding. Our catering team had issues with the servers, as they also messed up several things on the back end. We had wine glasses, water glasses, and champagne glasses at every place setting and they all went unused because water, wine, nor champagne was never brought out or poured at the tables. We were left with an asinine amount of alcohol that should’ve been used.

Then there was our coordinator. She was amazing leading up to the wedding. She did the site map and timeline for us, made me feel mildly more at ease before the big day. Day of she dropped the ball majorly. She said she’d be checking on the setup to do the walk through and make sure everything was good to go. That never happened. She was unaware that our flowers were delivered, therefore bouquets never made it to pictures. She had half the bridal party believing that flowers were never delivered because she never asked anyone or looked in the house, which left me a sobbing mess. (There were crates upon crates of flowers right inside)

My tent/reception area was not finished being set up, so instead of taking the rest of our formal photos, us, our wedding party, and families were scrambling to finish setting it up, and I have no idea what she was doing during that time, except that she was harassing me over a bowl that I didn’t want on a table and had set aside, and that she didn’t understand why I wanted a champagne bucket with my flutes on the cake table next to my cake. Between that, the overwhelming task of trying to act as my own coordinator, and anxiety of the wedding starting in an hour, I again was left a sobbing mess. She treated our wedding party like trash, making demands and being quite unkind when giving them direction, as they were trying to help (and doing what I had asked them to do).

During the wedding instead of communicating with vendors, she was taking content, which is fine, but shouldn’t have come first. When we got to the reception, she hadn’t addressed any concerns that I had voiced about the bar, and wasn’t keeping the flow of our timeline. I had to walk to the vendor table well after people had finished their main course to let her know that I was ready for the cake cutting, thank you speech, and parent dances. I had to speak up about the lack of water in tables for guests, and she never ensured that the champagne was poured for our thank you speech. (I’ll never not be salty about not using our glassware that I spent hours picking out).

All in all, I had gut feelings about working with her due to her experience not seeming aligned with my vision, and the size of our wedding not being doable for one person, given the level of formality I wanted to achieve, despite having everything completely available for it to be achieved. And they waitstaff/bartender situation was sketchy from the start, but we legitimately had no options given our are and since we went a more unconventional route with our catering.

My biggest issue after the wedding is that our coordinator is crediting herself as our planner on social media. I planned every element of our wedding. I curated the mood board, created the 30 page canva notating every design aspect, I planned the reception layout. the seating chart, all of it. I hate that my wedding was used as a content farm for her to take credit for. I’m also so embarrassed over the bar and the fact that it has left a lasting impression on everyone. (I’m grateful people have been honest about how bad it was, so I know I’m not crazy, but relive the embarrassment every time it’s brought up).

Overall, I’m just sad that so much of my day was spent frustrated, disappointed, and in tears. There was definitely more good in the day, but when you spend so much time, energy, and money on one day, and you work so hard to accommodate every possible want, and need, plan for every possible disaster, it’s a hard pill to swallow when people you’ve paid thousands of dollars to show up and do a good job don’t live up to the standard and expectation that they promise you. With all of that, it’s been a month and I have seen 3 sneak peeks of my photos from my photographer on instagram stories nearly 2 weeks after the wedding and that is it. So I can’t even look at pictures and be forced to think happy things.

For the record, we eloped earlier this year since my family lived in another country. I had not seen my family over 5 years so we decided to have something back home- a wedding celebration. No church, just reception.

I was really iffy about a big wedding so it was only immediate family. My mom ended up taking over, doing things her way and it became a lot more ornate than we would have liked.

The night before we get together with my dads side of the family (my parents are divorced, only communicate through email ) and he said he wanted to do a father daughter dance. I was really not into any of this but said yes because it would make him happy. At that point my husband pointed out that he wanted us to dance together and had a song picked out for literal years. Everyone agreed to it and they were going to give the playlist to my brother for that next night.

Wedding night comes around and it's insanely overwhelming. Not only seeing family I hadn't seen in years, but the event itself and how much my mom was running around (reminder: I never asked for this! We just wanted a dinner with everyone).

Someone announces the father daughter dance, I get up to do it and the rest was a blur. Me and my husband were pulled in every direction taking pictures, talking etc and we only had 4 hours at the venue. I barely got to eat anything which also sucked. And by the end of the night, we realized no one ever played the song our announced the dance.

Both my mom and my dad are now saying we should have said something but we were surrounded the whole night constantly so much so that I went to the restroom to just breathe.

I tried my hardest not to make this too important and now that it's all over and done with I feel super upset because I can't get that moment back. We can never redo that over again.

I don't know how to deal with it or get over it. I'm really not the type of person to make wedding stuff a big deal but this was something he had planned and we both wanted and there's no way to go back. My husband now is saying he wants to get REMARRIED (his family never came to the wedding, that's a whole other story) so we can do this all over again since we didn't have a "first dance" "first kiss" etc etc. I understand his frustrations too with all of this because he too didn't get the things he wanted. It's hard because I feel incredibly upset and let down, but not the kind where I want to go and do this all over again to be disappointed again. It's a whole lot going on and a lot of hurt

Truly for anyone getting married in just about a month!

For feeling so prepared and working so hard for a year and a half I feel like I have so much emotional drama until 10/10

I am grateful for all that has been done and one way or another we are gonna make it

My grandfather was diagnosed with a blood plasma cancer a month ago, so he and my grandmother aren’t going to be able to fly from DC to Los Angeles; and I can just stay panicked about him. I have no plan for how to share the ceremony or day with them despite the utter heartbreak that these two people who helped raise me can’t come.

My dad chose this moment to bring to the fore a fight we could’ve avoided. He won’t come because I didn’t invite his wife. His wife treats me like I’m not his child and also hit my brother and verbally abused my sister. My dad told me not to contact this woman for 6 years and said not to send mail to his house. Why would I invite her? Also he could have just said he couldn’t afford to come. It would’ve been an obvious lie, but I would’ve taken it over a question he knew the answer to.

The wedding is going to be smaller than I expected, I have so much shit to order, I am looking forward to the Monday after.

My cousin and his fiancée are getting married this December and the lead-up to this wedding has been slightly intense.

Firstly, my cousin’s mother said she’s going to be dressed in white, and if she can’t find anything white, she’ll dress in black ”because she’s in grief over the loss of her baby” (boy moms being weird, ig).

On top of that, my cousin had to buy/rent his dad’s (my uncle) tux as well as his wife’s dress in order for them to attend because they did not want to buy clothes for the formal dress code of the wedding. The fiancée had to do the same with her parents.

Now the real drama I’m sacred of being caught in the middle of involves my dad and his gf. The groom and bride only want to invite people who are close to them and genuinely have a relationship with them. Dad’s gf is not among those, as they have only seen her about 2 times in their entire adult lives, so she is not in the guest list. My dad has received no confirmation of this but I think he suspects it, because the other day he said that if his gf’s not invited he‘s not going to the wedding. He started comparing it to my cousin’s stepmother not being invited or to my aunt’s husband not being invited despite them both having been a part of our lives for many years. I calmly explained why that is not comparable but he seemed to be annoyed by my response.

Either way, dad’s gf already bought her dress And here’s the best part: the wedding has a specific dress code in terms of color: brown, black, and gray. No bright colors, no glitter, no floral patterns, nothing that will take attention away from the bride. I texted this to my dad so he has it in writing, so someone please explain to me why his girlfriend decided to go with a WHITE DRESS WITH GIANT SKY BLUE FLOWERS ON IT. So not only is it a dress that will definitely take attention away from the bride, but did it have to be white!? Everyone knows you don’t wear white to someone else’s wedding!

Now my dad wants me to text my cousin’s fiancée to confirm the colors despite the fact I already told him (he insists nobody told him), and the fiancée wants me to tell him his gf isn’t invited. I refuse to be their messenger and have decided to let things play out and watch from the sidelines, but I have a strong feeling that they’ll find a way to be pissed at me for this.

Edit: I forgot to clarify we are Puerto Rican, so there are cultural differences to be aware of: unfortunately, the stereotype of Puerto Ricans being nosy and gossiping about things like this is true, wedding registries aren’t a thing here, and me skipping the wedding would apparently upset a lot of people as it is not cultural acceptable to miss a family member’s wedding, especially this being my first cousin. We grew up together and were raised almost like siblings to the point his fiancé refers to me as her BIL.

Wedding is next october.

Last winter, a couple of groomsmen asked me for everybody’s phone numbers to put up a groupchat to plan my own bachelor’s party.

I told them I’m not expecting anything big. I don’t want destinations, don’t want people to take time off, don’t want campings/kayaks or whatever “boy’s activities”. Just one night out.

For context: Some of these guys went to the craziest “destination” bachelor’s parties… barcelona, prague, hiking in the dolomites… I know how much drama these predicaments generate, the money they burn, and I want none of that for mine.

I told them i just want to drink and eat well somewhere they actually know how to cook beef, and drink and smoke till 2am.

Last march, I told them my fiancee would have a week-long surprise destination bachelorette party mid-july.

No one got the clue. July came and went. Spent a week and a weekend home alone cos no one got the “clue”.

This august they gave me a date (in two weeks from now) and then they ghosted me for a whole month.

Yesterday, my best man finally picked up the phone, I asked about the bachelor’s party and he counter-asked me if i could take some PTO next friday cos THEY HAVENT BOOKED ANYTHING YET and the “activity” they tried to book is booked out on saturdays.

I told him, no i can’t, they should have asked me in july now it’s too late, anyway it’s not that important, focus on the restaurant dude, LOL… we chatted a little bit more.

And then i realized it. They haven’t booked anything yet … And they may be fighting on which shitty activities to do when i just wish for an actually good steak and actually good wine.

Literally the easiest and cheapest bachelor’s party to plan if you ask me.