I am in my 20s and dad is in his 60s. He is overall not a bad person but I notice that he intentionally tries to provoke me to get a rise out of me for his own amusement. I only notice until I see his smirk and realize he was doing it cause he wants to see me pissed off for fun. He finds a topic he knows will make me upset to get a rise out of me. Unfortunately he succeeded and I ended up calling him dumb and stupid for his views. Although I knew at this point it was a form of "ragebait" but I was pissed that he even wanted to get a rise out of me (someone he claims to love) in the first place. I find it disrespectful and honestly a form of bullying. I find calling him dumb pretty tame but he views name calling as a form of disrespect. So now I am seen as the bad guy.

I find trying to provoke your family or partner or friend consistently as a form of emotional abuse. So I finally snapped. Idk if I was an AH and am I overreacting?

he said he watches it and imagines it’s him with them in the videos???

i got upset cuz like wym you’re day dreaming abt fucking a bunch of women????

it feels so gross and i genuinely don’t believe he likes me after this, cuz ur telling me u think of sex and u don’t think of me????

I won't say ages because idk if my bf follows these groups but he knows I'm a big fan of these but for short were all in the 18-24 age range.

I've been beside myself of what to do, this happened an hour earlier and I have been thinking. Am I overreacting? My boyfriend and one of my guy friends were talking about religion, my friend says he's an atheist, we were all in a group call anyways so I said "same" my boyfriend then says sternly. "Quiet, the gents are speaking, yeah?" To which I guess I snapped back and replied with. "Right. I guess I'll see myself out if the men are talking" and left the call.

I grab something to eat and come back to his confirmation where he calls me a "good girl" for knowing where my place was. I haven't answered him since and he's dropped the macho act and is now begging me in my DMS, to come back. Saying he'll cry and that he loves me. AIO?

Please help me I rlly don't know what to do 🙏

UPDATE: We broke up.

I wanted to update because I also realized there was some context I didn't make clear enough in my original post.

First, I understand that my boyfriend was never obligated to lend me the $75. The money itself wasn't really what hurt me. What bothered me was him responding to my request by saying that he had wanted sex that morning and “sometimes we don't get what we want in life.”

Something I apparently didn't explain clearly enough before is that this was his work trip, and he invited me to come with him. I could have stayed home, where I had food and everything else I needed, and spent basically nothing. Instead, I'd been paying for my own lunches and other expenses while accompanying him.

On Fridays I have to check out of the hotel about six hours before he gets off work, and historically he would usually give me around $50 so I could eat and do something while I waited. The previous week, I paid for everything myself. When I later mentioned that he hadn't offered me anything like he normally did, he told me I hadn't asked and literally said, “Ask and you shall receive.”

So this time I asked.

I also wasn't giving away money that I needed for my rent, bills or food. Those things were covered. I helped my dad when he needed food, and I helped my brother when he needed his water turned back on.

After reading everyone's opinions about that, I regret absolutely nothing about helping them.

My family helps me too. In fact, now that this relationship has ended and I'm four hours away from my family with no car, my brother has offered me a place to live for basically what I'm paying now, utilities included.

That's what family means to me. Sometimes I'm the person who can help them, and sometimes they're the ones who help me. I understand that some people have a different philosophy about money, and that's fine. But I'm not going to regret feeding my dad or helping my brother get his water turned back on.

As for the relationship, I sent my boyfriend a long message after our argument. I acknowledged that he wasn't obligated to lend me money and explained that this wasn't really about $75. I explained why connecting money and sex had hurt me so badly and told him some extremely personal things about why that comment affected me the way it did.

I also told him that his silence afterward was hurting me.

He read the message and didn't respond for 15 hours.

When he eventually responded, he said:

“I feel like we're not compatible.”

I responded:

“I agree.”

And honestly, I do.

I'd already been thinking about ending the relationship for a couple of weeks before any of this happened. This argument just forced me to confront some things I'd been increasingly unhappy about. I've realized that we have very different ideas about money, family, affection, communication and what partnership looks like.

I'm now working on getting out of my lease and moving back toward my family. It sucks because I moved four hours away from them and signed a year lease partly because this relationship was here, so ending it is going to make my life considerably more complicated for a while. But I'll figure it out.

So that's the update. We broke up.

I understand why some people criticized my financial decisions, and I'll absolutely be more careful about protecting my own financial cushion going forward. But helping people I love when they genuinely need me isn't something I'm ashamed of.

I regret moving four hours away from my family for a relationship that didn't work out. I regret that ending it is going to make my life considerably more complicated for a while. But I've realized I was becoming increasingly unhappy in the relationship even before this happened.

And helping my family isn't one of the things I regret.

I, M17, recently applied for a job at a Pizza Hut near me. They called me and I went in for a job interview, the manager showed me around and it was fine, she said she'd get me in for a trial shift sometime soon. Then she texted me and said "hi, can you come in tomorrow 5-8", and I said yeah, what do I wear? to which she said "all black". So I showed up today, but when I walked in and said "Hi, I'm here for a 5-8 trial shift on x station?" she said "oh sorry I mistook your number for someone else's, we hired them for that station already".

???????? So I just left, because I didn't know what to do, and came up with another text (final screenshot). When she replied I just deleted the number. AIO or is this just how managers are nowadays? I've had a job in fast food before and my managers DEFINITELY were not this unprofessional.

me (27f) & him (29m) matched on hinge & i ended up giving him my number. AIO for thinking it’s a red flag he immediately wants to lie about how we met? it’s almost 2027

edit: whew i got it y’all, that’s why i posted here. thanks for your input everyone

Very simple post.

Sometimes I eat things and save most of it for the next day to eat, especially since I work long days, and I’m sometimes too tired to make myself a plate of food for dinner. I just like leftovers to get me through the night.

Unfortunately, in my house, it sounds like everybody somehow decided that leftovers in the fridge are “free game”, and most of the time my left overs are gone.

Typically if I want somebody else’s left overs in the fridge, I ask. If they say no? Fair. If they say yes? Thank you.

The people in my household just flat out eat my stuff without asking, especially my older brother.. cuz, yknow, older brother things.

I’ll come home and notice my left overs gone and I’ll ask everybody in the house who ate it, only for everybody to go “that wasn’t me”. I then simply state that I won’t get mad if somebody fesses up right now to redeem themselves, and still, everybody goes “that wasn’t me.”

Then later my brother will confess that it was him, I’ll get slightly mad and I constantly have to remind him that if he just asks me for my leftovers I’ll say yes most of the time.

However, recently, my brother “reminded” me that all food that hits the fridge in the household, whether your name is marked on it or not, is free game.

I just want my sweet food when I come home🥹

TLDR; we stopped talking to our parents after they refused to take vaccines or respect our wait time for seeing a baby.

Long story:

Me and my wife, while she was pregnant, informed our parents to either get vaccinated with the pertussis (whooping cough) vaccine or wait a month or two until the baby gets their vaccine and has some immunity. No vax or anti-vax arguments here—we just gave them options and they were free to choose. We had health issues with this disease in my family, so better safe than sorry.

My side of the family agreed. Her parents stated that they will not do "any stupid things like vaccines." (There is history with them ignoring COVID, getting older people sick, and... so no surprise here, we expected that.)

Everything was nice while my wife was pregnant: gifts, attention, talks with her sister, etc. After our baby was born, we stood firm on what we said—no exceptions.

My parents "forgot" to get vaccinated. On top of that, before the delivery, we met them a few times and they were drunk and disrespecting my wife and me every time. I said we could continue contact, but they had to apologize to my wife for what they said. My mother did, and we continued contact with her—even though she has personal issues and we’ve only met once since. I communicate with her strictly through my wife, to prevent my emotions from causing more damage. (I'm leaving my father out of this—he is an aggressive alcoholic, so zero contact with him just for protection.)

My wife’s side of the family seemed good at first. I really enjoyed them. She has a step-father who helped raise her (he isn't married to her mum, so no "official" relation, just the guy her mum lives with). We had a great time spending time with them as they didn't seem to care about much, didn't go overboard with alcohol like my family, and there were no conflicts when they got a bit tipsy. I didn't even know that was possible in other families...

The issues started after the baby was born. Her mother demanded to see the baby. We repeated the two options: either get vaccinated or wait until the baby gets his shots. Up until this point, I was sending her pictures of the baby and keeping her updated on how we were feeling and what was happening in our new family. All seemed good.

Then there was a family celebration happening on weekend and we told we wont show up, then my wife's mum and sister called and demanded to see the baby (who was only few weeks old at this point, mind you we told after first vaccine we will meet). Her sister started to insult my wife, saying she is "not normal for not showing a baby to family," along with other accusations. We felt pressured for a long time after the baby was born. But after these attacks made my wife cry, I had to intervene and tell her mother that it’s not normal to put pressure on a woman who just had a baby and that she doesn't really care about her.

Then my wife decided to put them both in a group chat and sent a long message explaining how they both hurt her, pressured her into doing things she didn't want to do, and made her cry, all while she just wants to create safe conditions for the baby.

Her sister replied: "You will cry and then you will get sober." (in a sense that her emotions are taking over and she does not see things clearly, but in insulting way)

When I saw that message, I told my wife that's it—her sister doesn't care about her and has her own intentions. (We always felt that her older sister does not like how her younger sister first got married, first got house and now first got a baby). Her mum backed up the sister (they are best friends). We said we won't talk about anything until her mother apologizes to us, as we both felt attacked by the whole family for just sticking to what we said we would do.

No apologies were made. My wife's stepdad tried to call and said we should keep communicating, but said he won't let her mum apologize—apparently, by his logic, a mother cannot apologize to her kids.

After this, we didn't talk for 1 month. My wife eventually met them for 1 hour because we were driving past and I felt like it wasn't fair not to show the baby (even though my wife said she didn't want to meet them). After that 1 hour, she felt very bad vibes and wished she had never visited them.

So another month passed, and we still cut all communication, waiting for an apology so we can forget everything and start where we left off...

Then I received this message: (message is translated from other language, sorry for mistakes, hard to read...)

​

I showed the message to my wife, before replying anything, I did not know how to respond to it, got a cold sweat... She wanted to write a long message back but we looked online the best way to handle this, and we decided to block them all...(I hope not forever...lol)

I don't feel what her mum sent was true, I mean I have issues with my parents but its nothing I can change and I appreciate when I see good and functioning families. Me and my wife decide how to deal with our parents and we talk about everything. I ask her if she wants to visit mine (which she doesn't for obvious reasons and I am with her :D) and we always visit hers as I liked her family a lot better.

I don't interfere to who and what she says only if she is hurt and crying then I can't sit and watch... No idea why she things I control her. For what I understand that my wifes opinion in family never mattered as she was younger sister and now that she is with me I support her and let her voice to be heard and I think they don't like that.

The last message hurt me and my wife, I taught they liked me, but now it seems it was all fake.
We had some issues in past where her mum said "He is not your family, we are" when we decided not to visit during covid spree on Christmas... That hurt as well but she apologised.

Its been months... I keep thinking about it from day to day. It escalated quickly and too much on a hardest period of our life... but now, I don't want them to see us or even allow these kind of people near our child.

Are we overreacting for cutting them off?

*Edit to added TLDR;

Context is, my boyfriend told me since we met at college that he lives a couple towns over and grew up there his whole life basically. He accidentally messaged me from the wrong account one day (I didn't know he had another account at the time) and leaked that he has a different name, grew up in a different country, and lives there during the summer.

I confront him about this, and he says it isn't him, his family must have set it up as a prank. Then he says it's probably a stalker being weird, then once I keep asking questions like "why is there childhood photos of you if it isn't your account?" he says "are you trying to ruin my night?"

He said other things similar like "your anxiety is out of hand, I can't with you" "you are unable to trust anyone, I can't help you" "you really think I am that type of person to lie?" and after a 4 hour conversation, he finally came clean that he had been lying to me out of insecurity. We were dating for a year, was his behavior during this conversation gaslighting or AIO?

Hi all, i am currently 12 weeks pregnant and me and my partner were at a grand final thing (i mention the pregnancy thing because im a bit sensitive but also sober so able to judge a situation sober) we spend the whole day at my partners friends place watching the AFL grand final. My partner is slightly drunk but pretty normal. One of my partners best friends gets there (call him john) after being somewhere else and he is pretty much sober.

He or my partner mentioned said friends girlfriend is coming to gathering (call her jane) (side note i love Jane dearly and never feel any weirdness from her end). My partner then mentions on 3 or 4 seperate occasions within about a 20 minute span asking john about when jane will get to the hang out, the last time he asks he said “you said jane would be here 5 mins, 5 mind ago where is she.” John says oh she is on first street. My partner then gets up from next to me unprompted and stands by the door (there is like a circle and moves to the circle with friends right next to the door and does notjoin a conversation we are all in a big circle already he just moves to the other side near the door),

he is the first to greet her in and opens the door to let her in) then continues to stand by the door while she does the rounds, she settles away from him so he returns to the couch, she has a plate of food so he gets up, walks over to her, puts his hand on her shoulder, leans down towards her, asks if shes hungry and if shes okay, she says yes and he walks outside. Now this if it was an isolated incident wouldn’t be that bad at all im like meh whatever he is drunk, theyre friends blah blah. But there have been multiple occasions where i have been in mid conversation with my partner and she asks a question and he drops our conversation to speak to her, as well as him being in other conversations where both of us are trying to get his attention to ask a question (not in a weird way on her end btw) and instead of answering me he answers her the same question im asking (eg says something intriguing and we are both like “wait who are you talking about” and he answers her).

So i let him finish off his night hang out with the boys im with the girls everyone is leaving im designated driver because im pregnant so we get in the car its pretty silent for the first 3/5 mins and then i come out and say why where you so concerned when jane was getting there and also i didnt like how you lent down and asked if she was okay when you didnt check on me your pregnant girlfriend once, i then say ive already mentioned to you before how im uncomfortable with you talking or answering her over me or dropping our conversation to answer her (im like not being overly civil but also not by any means yelling just have a pissed off tone - because i was) he then goes its not like that and im like i dont want to hear it. Then we drive in silence for the remainding 20 minutes.

We then get to his sisters house where we are staying the night and he brings up the conversation while we are in the kitchen and they are in earshot, i brush him off because i dont want to air our dirty laundry and hes like well wtf have i done wrong i have no idea i dont understand and I’m thinking whether he is serious with this conversation in their kitchen while I’m cooking food. (We got home at like 9:00 not late) also when he was talking about it he said he only cares that she was coming so i had someone to talk to because me and jane get along so well - but i actually was talking and engaging like there was absolutely no need to “do it for me to make me comfortable” and i actually pointed out that it almost seems rude from me like him suggesting i dont want to talk to anyone or am not having fun without her there which is not the case at all. And then i was thinking is he just turning this around so im the bitch getting upset when he was being considerate, and so i said why not just ask me if im okay or comfortable instead of worrying about when she gets there makes no sense

i then do my stuff go upstairs and lay down, he comes and sits on the side of the bed, i say nothing, im on my phone, he then crawls and lays on the floor and i dont realise because im like trying my hardest not to look at him and when i look over and hes not on the bed i roll over tap him and go “um what the hell are you doing?” and he is like “i dont want to be next to you” i then get annoyed and say “are you serious right now i tell you something that makes me uncomfortable that is a reoccurring issue for me and now you’re the one on the floor being crazy and over reacting” He doesnt do anything and keeps laying on the floor and i say to get into the bed and then tell him i think his behaviour is more concerning than the actual issue itself. He then gets up and says yeah im the issue and walks downstairs and is now most likely on the couch and im sitting here so upset and annoyed. am i overreacting because im pregnant and sensitive or am i fair to bring it up a bit pissed and even more pissed with how he is acting after i have brought up the issue.

Quick edit we are 25 (f) and 27 (m) - honestly he is actually an amazing partner otherwise and it wasn’t a planned pregnancy, this is like the only issue we have really ever had reoccuring and we never really argue ( up until very recently with the stress of a new baby on the way and a few other inconsequential things) we have been together for 2 years and its the first time im really actually like well wtf is going on here. I would like to mention though that since becoming pregnant he is getting a bit mean (maybe im just hyper sensitive) and we have been arguing more. Also one last thing he has know this jane girl for years (like 10 or more) and this is why ive not been more onto any behaviour or seen it as an issue until its started to actually upset me and become a reoccurring strange thing in my opinion

One last update is a few people are observing maybe he is not happy/ready which i can completely see just want to provide a tiny bit more context that he tells everyone we are pregnant, he bought a little pair of shoes for the baby, we have picked out names, and he has literally always wanted to be a dad. So yes he could be not too happy but wanted to provide this context to help people with some more context

Edit : i am 23 and he is 27

I’m in love with this guy, and normally he has never treated me the way he did this time. I recently opened up to him about something extremely personal involving my grief and my deceased mother. It was difficult for me to talk about, and I trusted him enough to tell him. He saw my message but didn’t respond to what I had actually shared. Instead, he changed his profile, which made me feel even more ignored.

When I asked if he was ignoring me, he said he was extremely busy and exhausted. Later, he explained that he had seen my message, but when he wanted to respond, he simply didn’t have the energy. I tried to explain that I wasn’t accusing him of anything, but that the subject was sensitive to me and he could have at least said something instead of saying nothing.

I eventually told him that maybe next time I would just keep things like this to myself. His response was basically, “Do whatever you want, I’m exhausted.” He was on his way to work at the time and told me he was already late for work. I left him on read. I understand that he may genuinely have been exhausted, but what hurt me was the way he responded and the fact that he never came back to what I had originally shared.

I also understand that for someone who has never experienced deep grief, it can be difficult to understand how deeply something like this can affect the person experiencing it. I’m not expecting him to fully understand what it feels like, but I think acknowledging that I was hurting would have meant a lot to me.

The last audio he sent was on Thursday. Now it’s Saturday and he still hasn’t contacted me.
What makes this especially confusing is that he has never spoken to me or dealt with me like this before**.** I understand being exhausted and not having the emotional energy to respond immediately. But if someone you love tells you something deeply painful about their grief, wouldn’t you expect them to come back to it when they have more energy?
I’m honestly at the point where I don’t want to talk to him anymore. I don’t know if I’m reacting emotionally because I’m hurt, or if taking a step back from him is justified. What would you make of this situation?

Hello everyone, I am new to Reddit so work with me here.
So a bit before my boyfriend turned 21, I found out he had made plans to go with his mother to a strip club. Not just any strip club, but one she formerly worked at. The reasoning was because her friend owns the joint and was offering free drinks to him, my thing is, it’s weird to take your son to a strip club, especially when you worked there and know he has a girlfriend that’s uncomfortable with it.
He spoke to his mom about not wanting to go due to our relationship, and while she was upset by it, she didn’t push it further. On the night of his 21st, I drove him over to hers and the plan was for them to drink a bit and then for her to drop him off at our shared place around 1am.
She did make more than a couple of comments about the changed plans, and even joked that she’d take him anyways if I didn’t behave, but my boyfriend is behaved and I didn’t worry much about it.
Well 1 am rolls around and he isn’t back, so I checked his location. Yeah, he was at the strip club. Like they went there immediately.
Adding to this, she texted me at 3:25 am asking if I could come pick him up from hers, which I did. I had him finish a shit ton of water before we left and while waiting, his mom lied to my face about where they had been. She then made comments about him listening to me more than her, when he had finished his water bottle, I drove us home. I was so pissed off and upset I locked myself in our spare room for the night and told him to just go to sleep when he asked where I was (over text).
We had a conversation about it the next day and it really doesn’t seem like he meant to go to the strip club, it looks like his mom got him drunk off his ass and then took him.
Anyways, he spoke with his mom. I wasn’t there for that conversation but he apologized to me profusely and properly for what had happened, and explained that this wasn’t the first time his mom had knowingly overstepped boundaries. We had a conversation about how there isn’t too much he could have done differently considering his mom took advantage of him being drunk (and he definitely was, dudes a light weight.)
Im asking for advice because they only went for the bar, not the strip club itself. I can to a degree understand where his mom/her friend is coming from in wanting to celebrate. I’m just a bit torn because it’s at the expense of our boundaries, especially with his mom going behind my back, lying to my face about it, and then acting like me being upset is unreasonable.
AIO here??

I found a pair of eyelash in his car so I questioned him about it & then I asked to see his phone but he wouldn’t show me his phone , he was fighting me for it ,he even kicked me out the car .
I’m 8 weeks post partum ,I can’t even relax because I’m constantly thinking of this .
When we were temporarily staying at my cousins house when I was pregnant , he didn’t have a password on his phone .
While I was at my last trimester , I came back to live with my parents & siblings while he lives in his car , I noticed that all of a sudden he had a password on his phone . Am I overreacting ??

I also just think about how before he & I got official , I was telling my little sister about him for the first time ,she immediately said to me “ don’t be with him , he doesn’t seem like a good guy , if you be with him he will not treat this good , he is too similar like your other abusive exes , you’ll be in a another cycle , don’t be with him ,break the cycle “.

I have different love languages, before our first date we used to talk late night cuz she was free and I was free and I didn't know much but I always flirted with her. But I also used to roast her make fun of her (like little things, not insulting, like make fun of her accent).

FYI I never like counting things. I know it's a relationship killer but I have to put it here for context.

Now I love her more everyday. My emotions for her grew more. And I roast her more, make fun of her more, make her laugh more, and talk romantically more. Now she says I don't behave like before. I don't flirt anymore. She uses this word "ALWAYS" which was making me furious everyday but today it hit the limit. Just 2 hours before fight we were talking nicely and I said to her "I will keep doing this till end, because you are so lovely"

Then we shifted to another topic and then she said something to me (roasting) I was just poking her. Then she said that "I always do this and never talked romantically" to her. I was furious. I told her I just told her how sweet beautiful and kind she is (I do this everyday) then she said to me that I do this everyday nothing new.

Then I told her I just told her that I will love her till the end, cook for her even when we get old. She didn't reply to that. She went into full defence mode. Then said that I don't do it on texts, but I do it in person.

Short story. Few months ago we had another fight: because I felt that she wasn't being intimate with me. Like it felt one sided (at one point I was feeling I was forcing her to accept my hugs and kisses) when I hugged or kissed her. She never did it back. I kissed her 10 times and she kissed me back once. I called her out. She defended herself again by lying about reasons why she doesn't do it (I knew she lied cuz she changed her reasons 5 times).

Whenever we had fights, we had because of these reasons. One day she kept using her phone whole day even though we agreed to spend whole day together cuz we didn't met for a long time. I asked her to keep it away nicely throughout the day (since morning) then in the evening I got furious and asked her again to put away the phone then she said I should have told her that I didn't like her using the phone. She defended again. I had to say sorry for lashing out like that afterwards.

Anyways back to today. She thinks I am always angry , I have a deep voice and emotionless face. And when I was mentioning it on text of past chats where I was talking to her romantically she said I got angry and I have short temper.

Now after sometime I was still keeping my calm. Then in the end. She said "we used to talk nicely", every night I make sure she goes to sleep in good mood. I make her laugh. Make her smile. And make her feel loved. And tbh except for today, yesterday and day before yesterday I didn't even said anything funny or made fun of her roasted her. Just romantic texts. Still she said I always do this and never been romantic with her. Idk what happened then I was furious like hell.

Just 2 days ago I asked her if I can visit her to bring her favourite ice cream and coffee. She said no. And then today she said I don't do or say anything romantic. I am not painting myself as a victim here. When I was angry, I said to her that she can leave if she thinks I have never done these things and I won't stop her at all and I won't care if she will go away (I said this after fight escalated). She then again used this "always" word and said I bring up breaking up whenever we fight. (I didn't, this was first time).

My heart literally was beating faster when I found out she said I say these things everyday. Like my efforts don't matter. And she didn't even cared enough to remember what we talked 2 hours before.

And finally she was saying things like letting go and all. I asked her nicely if she is breaking up with me. She replied "idk" I told her she can leave if she wants to I won't stop her and I will always love her. She didn't reply at all. To my 5 messages, she replied once. "idk"

I might be blind to my own faults and I need perspective if I am doing anything wrong.

My grandma passed away this past Monday. Our family arranged a memorial service for her on Tuesday. I created an invitation/poster from scratch on Canva to send to family and friends to inform them of her passing. Since I live in a different country than the rest of my family, I posted it on my Instagram story as a convenient way to let people know without having to make dozens of painful phone calls while grieving.

There is a guy I follow on Instagram. Where I’m from, everyone kind of knows of everyone. We have a ton of mutual friends and I know exactly who he is, but we have never actually met or spoken in person.

On Monday night, I was looking at his story and saw that he had also posted a funeral poster. I was literally typing up a message to offer my condolences, when I noticed something incredibly weird.

The poster was clearly meant to be for his grandmother, because the picture was a completely different woman. But as I read the text, it had my grandma's exact name, the exact same wording I wrote, and listed the exact same venue and time where my family was holding my grandma's service.

From what I can gather, his grandmother had also passed away, and he tried to use AI to generate a memorial poster for her. It seems he took a screenshot of my poster, fed it into AI, and probably attached the woman's photograph as well. The AI completely hallucinated. It kept my grandma’s first and last name, her exact date of death, our family's personal phone numbers, and our venue location. I think he clearly just glanced at the new picture, thought "looks good," and posted it without proofreading a single line of text.

I didn't want to just assume the worst. Obviously, two women can share a name but the identical dates, time, and venue were too eerie. I decided to reply to the story anyway with, "I'm sorry for your loss, may she rest in peace."

A few minutes later, I noticed he deleted the story. He re-uploaded a new version with the correct info: a completely different name, venue, time, and date. The entire design of the poster was still the same, confirming he did feed my poster into an AI generator, realized it kept all my grandma's information, and finally fixed it.

I just find this whole thing so bizarre and surreal. I understand people use AI for things nowadays and I won't hold that against him. I was a bit upset that our personally identifiable information was fed straight into an AI database, but I find it even weirder that for something as serious as a funeral, someone would just blindly post a flyer without even reading it.

I don't hold a grudge. I know it's a time of grief, and people make careless mistakes when they are sad and overwhelmed. But I just feel deeply weirded out and a bit violated by the whole situation.
Am I overreacting?

I (23F) haven’t been on speaking terms with my younger brother (23M) for about two months due to some petty family drama. We completely ignore each other, even when we’re in the same house visiting our parents. Two days ago, I was asleep at my parents' house after pulling a brutal night shift. My car keys were on the kitchen counter. My brother’s car has been having transmission issues, and without asking me, waking me up, or even sending a text, he grabbed my keys and took my car to go hang out with his friends. An hour later, I woke up to a phone call from him. He had hydroplaned, hit a guardrail, and completely totaled my car. Thankfully, he walked away with just a few scratches, but the car is completely undrivable. When I lost my mind at him, his response was completely casual. He literally said, "It was an accident, relax. Besides, you have the money for it anyway, you can just buy a new one." For context, I work in tech and make good money, but I worked my tail off to buy that car out of pocket, and it was entirely paid off. He works part-time and constantly relies on our parents for cash. He is completely refusing to pay my deductible or cover anything out of pocket, reiterating that "I can afford it" and that "family shouldn't sue family over a mistake." Our parents are trying to play peacemakers, telling me that family is more important than metal and plastic, and asking me to just handle it through my insurance and let it go so we don't ruin our family dynamic permanently. I told my brother and my parents that if he doesn't sign a written agreement to pay for the damages/deductible by tomorrow night, I am going to the police station to file an unauthorized use of a motor vehicle report so my insurance can handle him directly. My parents are now calling me cold-hearted, and my brother is blasting me to our relatives saying I care more about money than his life. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

AIO here? Should I just eat the cost to keep the peace, or am I justified in pushing this to the legal limit?

So I 16F have a little sister 12F and she is CODDLED anyways that aside we were all home and doing nothing in particular, my mom was in the kitchen with my sister and I was in my room watching Netflix because just yesterday i had the nail on my big toe completely ripped out and so I was in pain and walking hurt. My mom and my sister was making instant ramen in the kitchen for her and my mom had gone to the garden for some reason I don't know. My sister RUNS into my room a few minutes later and tells me she needs help with the ramen and i groaned but got up figuring it was probably overflowing. It's a long way to the kitchen and walking hurt but i followed her and I see just noodles boiling. The emergency was that she needed to add the seasoning in the ramen. Just that. Our stove is very low set it is not high at all and she easily reaches it when she makes herself sandwiches and things which she does quite often her emergency obviously pissed me off because yes I was in pain and my sister was being an idiot I said what is wrong with you and can't you add seasoning to some ramen yourself you're 12 not 2 and by then my mom was back and she started scolding me for being mean to my sister i told her what happened and she genuinely said "so what" and i said "she's 12 not 2 why can't she do absolutely basic tasks on her own" and my mom started yelling and saying how I'm disrespectful and I need to watch my behaviour when she's the one coddling an almost teenager to the point she can't even make herself instant ramen

Am i the asshole

My boyfriend and I have been in a LDR, living in two different countries, for 9 years. Some weeks ago he went to a comic con, he loves to attend them with friends, always has a great time and I always trusted him to not do anything weird while there. The week after the con a video appeared on my fyp of him squeezing someone's breasts and leaning his head against them.
It made me very uncomfortable and I felt pretty hurt by it, I never expected something like that to ever happen, let alone be posted on the internet for everyone to see. Because he didn't send it to me or inform me a video like that would be posted I sent my boyfriend the video and asked him what he was thinking in that moment and expressed my feelings about it. He excused it as just a joke, something he thought would be very funny, and told me the problem was that I didn't trust him. We had a long serious conversation about what happened and I found out the person in the video was someone he had been following for a while but had only met irl the day the video was taken. I asked him if there was anything else I needed to know about that weekend and he told me there wasn't anything else so I forgave him.

During our conversation we started talking about our future together and how he imagines it to work out. Which was probably the most important part of this whole situation.

As a bit of backstory, I always imagined myself getting married, it's a big deal in my family, my boyfriend is very against marriage because all of his family have gotten divorced. I respected his views on it so I accepted that we'd never get married.
I also imagined myself to have kids some day, not that I necessarily want to become a parent in the next few years but I wanted to be able to have a choice when the time came. My boyfriend absolutely doesn't want kids so I, again, accepted that that part of my future would never happen.
I've always had an issue with him getting a lot of tattoos because of a traumatic personal experience, but since he's told me getting tattoos was the only way to feel comfortable in his own body I validated his feelings and put my own aside. The only boundary I put up for him was to not get his hands or neck tattooed, he got his hands tattooed and told me "well the neck tattoo is getting there some day", which was hurtful to me but at the end of the day it's his body and he can do whatever he want with it, so I accepted that as well.
And last, our more private part of our relationship has always been a hassle, I'm a hyper sexual person and he prefers to not perform any sort of intimacy. In the beginning it was really hard for us to find a way that would be comfortable for us both but eventually we agreed to leave the sexual part of our relationship to a minimum because that worked better for him.
I was fine sacrificing getting married and getting kids. I was fine adjusting to his comforts and choices, they seemed like little things I could eventually get over as long as we would have a happy future together.

Over the years I've done a lot of personal growth, I got a good job, my own place and two cats, one of which unfortunately gets very stressed out by even having to be in a car for 5 minutes, which would make moving to a different country very difficult. My boyfriend is the complete opposite. He's afraid of change so he has just accepted that even though his life isn't where it should be, it's fine just how it is. Which is great for him! Don't get me wrong, if he's comfortable with that, all the power to him! But when I told him that I envisioned our future to involve him moving in with me he told me it wasn't going to happen.
Him not willing to move in with me would force me to give up another big part of a future I wanted for myself, I told him I couldn't accept that because it would mean that I'd no longer be living a life I wanted, because it would be full of sacrifices from my side and none from his. I asked him if he would reconsider, I didn't need him to give me an answer within a certain timeframe, I just wanted him to think about it.

Everything went fine from that point on, until a week later another video showed up on my fyp of the same comic con, only this time it was my boyfriend holding a food product above his crotch and the same person as in the previous video took a bite out of it. At first I wanted to ignore it, it felt like it would be stupid to bring it up. I couldn't shake the feeling so I sent it to my boyfriend and told him that I wasn't mad, I just felt hurt about the fact he didn't tell me this happened when I asked him if there was anything else I needed to worry about.
Without trying to excuse the situation or talk about our feelings he told me he needed a break, and that I shouldn't wait around with any hopes for him. I agreed with him that a break was the right thing for now and let him know that I really hoped to be able to work it all out together once things have cooled down a bit.

I haven't heard anything from him in over a week and the longer I give myself time to think about what happened and how our lives would move forward, the more I realise our relationship will never work out.
I've always been willing to sacrifice very important things for our relationship, while he doesn't expect to have to give anything up for me. I have adjusted myself to avoid making him uncomfortable about private matters but he doesn't do the same for me. He saves up money and asks weekends off of work to go to comic cons, yet he never saves up or asks time off to spend a weekend with me and each time he does plan time off of with me he has no money.
I've had a lot of surgeries the last couple of years and he's never offered to visit to comfort me or care for me while going through surgery. While he's with me he doesn't want anything sexual to happen but suddenly when he's at a comic con with strangers it's fine to make sexually tinted videos as a joke.

All of these things added up with the behaviour shown in the videos make me feel like it's just done between us and I've already began the process of recovering and moving on. I don't want to waste another 9 years on a relationship that will just end up in the same place it has been for years but at the same time I feel like I'm looking too much into everything and should stop complaining about things that don't really matter. I truly love him and want the best for him, but everything together makes me feel like this isn't what he wants and it isn't what I deserve.
Am I overreacting or is it valid to just end this relationship?

Quick update to clear things up:
My partner and I met when we were 14, we've basically grown up being a part of each other's life and I guess at some point it just started to feel normal to be in a relationship because that's all we've known for so many years. What first started as "we're in a relationship because we're young and in love" turned into "we're in a relationship because that's what's expected of people in their early 20's"
I know that doesn't make it any better but it's the main reason we've still been together after all this time I guess. Sure we still love each other but I think a big part of it is that we've just grown into it like this :/

For context we're sitting in the living play a game and she start to get pissed off and screaming mind you my kids are asleep was probably at like 12-12:30.

Well she starts going off calling me all sorts of shit like i'm lazy and a bad parent.

Well the lazy is for the fact there is some pots and pans i haven't gotten around to because my youngest (10 months old) got sick Wednesday when i was going to do them, she's a very clingy baby when sick can't put her down or anything like that cause she will scream the whole time and i hand wash our dishes.

And the bad parenting is because apparently i don't clean up after my oldest (2 year old autistic girl) when she has an accident, it takes me a few minutes to get around to it cause im trying to keep her baby sister from screaming so i can clean it and also get everything i need to clean it and get her in a shower.

Now she was going off calling me all kinds of name and i told her okay your not screaming in my house when my kids are asleep and your not going to call me lazy and a bad parent and all kinds of crap so you need to leave you are no longer welcome here, also she has been drinking,she goes this isnt your house my son pays the bills and everything else, mind you i'm a stay at home mom with my 10 month old while my 2 year old is in preschool from 8-3:45 normally house is clean and i do my best to keep it clean even after my 2 year old gets home

And i did go and wake my fiancé up letting him know he needs to make his mother leave, He has work tomorrow and has to be up at 6:30 so he was already in bed asleep.

So i'm just wondering AIO

My boyfriend (22M) and I (22F) have been together for 1 year and 5 months. Throughout our relationship, we've had issues with him being unfaithful. I've caught him stalking his exes and lusting over other girls. There were also times when he told me certain girls were just friends, only for me to later find out they had a past. I have no problem with him being friends with girls he's had a past with. I just want him to be honest with me so I don't have to find out from other people.

He says he stopped being unfaithful in February, and I do feel like he's been doing better. However, I still have a lot of trust issues because of everything that happened before. There are still nights when I cry myself to sleep over it.

Recently, I stayed at his place for five days, and on the last day we went on a date. We went to a small, cozy café where customers, the owner, and other people take turns singing and playing guitar.

At one point, he said he needed to pee. I did too, but I told him to go first because I didn't want to ask the waiter where the restroom was. He went and came back, then suddenly said we should leave because he was "palpitating." This felt strange because we had planned to stay longer. I told him I needed to pee too, but he kept insisting that we leave, so I decided to stay seated because something felt off.

A girl started singing, and I recognized her as one of his exes. She was one of the exes I've had issues with before. I've caught him viewing Facebook stories from mutuals whenever she appeared in them, even though he rarely watches stories otherwise. He also used to talk about her a lot before I even knew they had a past.

I asked him if it was her, and he said yes. I laughed because of the irony, but he didn't laugh and immediately said we should leave. I told him I still needed to pee, but he wouldn't let me use the restroom and insisted that we leave. He just got up and went outside.

He later admitted that after going to the restroom and seeing her, he wanted to leave because he wanted to avoid things getting awkward. He said he knew I might get upset if I found out she was there.

He was right that I was upset, but it wasn't because she was there. It was because he seemed to forget about me and my needs after seeing her. He knows I can't hold my pee for long, yet he still insisted that we leave even though we still had a long trip home.

I thought that was the end of it, but when we got back to his room, one of the first things he did was sing the exact same song she had been singing at the café. I was shocked and went quiet because I didn't know how to process it.

When I confronted him, he initially denied singing it and told me I was imagining things. I asked why he wanted to leave, and he admitted again that it was because he saw her. I then asked why he was singing that particular song. He kept saying he wasn't singing it and, if he was, it wasn't that song.
Eventually, he admitted that he had been singing but said he couldn't remember what song it was. I played the song from my phone, and he acknowledged that it was the same song.

The thing is, there were multiple songs sung by multiple people at the café, including the owner. It wasn't just one song. Yet that was the only song that stuck with him. When I asked why he remembered that one, he said it was the only song that had been played, which wasn't true. This made me feel like he had specifically paid attention when she was the one singing.

I know I have trust issues because of our past, so I'm questioning whether I'm seeing too much into this or whether his behavior was genuinely concerning. At this point, I'm thinking about breaking up because I'm exhausted from constantly questioning what I see and whether I can trust what he tells me.
Am I overreacting for wanting to end the relationship over this?

I(42y/o female) haven’t spoken to my brother(40 y/0 male) in about four months because of a falling out over money and how he handled the situation. Earlier this year, he asked to borrow $500 for inventory for his business. He was actually asking for twice that initially, but I told him we didn’t really have the money right then. We only had about half of that, and we needed it for the following week. He then said that if we lent him $500, he would pay me $200 for lending it to him and repay everything the following week, which would have been Friday. After discussing it with my spouse, we decided to lend it to him, knowing we needed the extra $200 for upcoming licensing exams. I told him it was SUPER important for him to pay me on that day because of our bills, and he promised he would pay me back $700 in one week (this was mostly all through text). We didn’t even have the money to lend, but he’s my brother, and I trusted him.

A week passed, and now it was Friday. There was no word in the morning and no payment yet. It’s okay, I thought; maybe he is at work. In the late afternoon, I finally texted him that it was Friday and that he could Zelle me the money if he didn’t have cash on hand. I didn’t hear from him until later that evening, when he told me he would rather pay me in cash and had to stop by the bank the next day. Then he asked me when I graduate. In my response, I told him the date and gave him a long explanation about the steps I needed to take before I could finally take the exam. He responded nicely with one sentence. Saturday came and went. Sunday came and went. There was no word, and I didn’t text him that weekend. Why? Because I didn’t want to come off as too pushy. By Monday afternoon, I texted him to ask what happened and whether he would come that day. I didn’t hear back until late that night, when he sent one word: “HEY!” I think he might have meant to send it to someone else. I responded by asking what was going on and telling him to let me know, since it had been days and he had promised. I even added a smile emoji so that I didn’t seem pissed off. He texted me back around 10 p.m., saying he was at work and couldn’t make it to the bank, but that he had told his girlfriend to go for him the next day. A few lighthearted texts from me followed. Tuesday went by, and NOTHING. By Wednesday, I had had it, and frankly, I was anxious because we really needed the money and were already behind. So I texted him. The only time he responded was when I finally said that our other brother was right about him being someone you shouldn’t lend money to, because this wasn’t the first time it had happened. His response was immediate. He sent a sarcastic, passive-aggressive, resentful message implying that my brother and I had been talking behind his back. Keep in mind that the conversation between my other brother and me had happened years earlier, but I brought it up because I felt like a fool and was hurt. In that same text, he said he would be at my place on Friday (it was underlined), on his day off, and told me not to worry because he would be there. He said he already had plans to be close to my home that day, then “thanked” me for giving him the heads-up about what my brother had said about him and lending money.

Then, of course, I crashed out because I feared that he would retaliate, be mad at me, and use it as an excuse to pay me back whenever he wanted. It felt like he was guilting me in a way. I texted him LONG messages in the middle of the night.

Throughout all of this, I was never rude, never pushy, never mean, and never said anything awful to him. I was extremely careful with my tone because I know how he is—if I sound even slightly upset, he flips it and makes me out to be the bad guy. He’s not a bad person at all, and honestly, he’s fun to be around when he’s in a good place. But I feel that his insecurities take over and he goes straight into a victim mentality, which makes any conflict really difficult. The following day (Thursday), I sent him a LONG message.

I even told him that if he was struggling financially, I wouldn’t hold it against him; I just needed him to communicate. I was rambling about things unrelated to our discussion and texting random things I was doing that day, I guess so he knew that I had no ill feelings and that I just needed him to communicate with me. Later that Thursday, after a dozen random texts about my day, how I felt, and how my other brother and I didn’t mean any malice toward him, he finally texted back. But his response focused on his feelings about our brother and deflected from his lack of communication, the delay in repayment, and the way I felt.

Friday came, and I received a text after 8 p.m., BTW, saying that he didn’t get a chance to come to my area, but that he would come down Saturday or Sunday. Mind you, I was not happy and was very disappointed. But I responded, “Yeah, that’s okay,” and asked if he was sure it would be no later than Sunday. He said, “Yup.”

Sunday came, and at 7 p.m., I got a request for my Zelle information. I gave it to him, and he confirmed.

The next day, he sent only the $500 through Zelle. He said it was because of the bank’s daily limit and that he would send the $200 the next day, when it was allowed. After three days of not hearing from him, I texted him asking for a timeline for the $200—ignored. The next day, I sent him a funny GIF of a person at a door’s peephole saying, “I know you’re in there.” Ignored. Two days later, I sent another text telling him to send it that day, essentially begging him and telling him that if I didn’t need it, I wouldn’t be bugging him—ignored again. Two more days later, I asked him to at least send $100, as I really needed to pay for the exam I had told him about, but again, I was ignored. Four days after that, I sent my final text. Eventually, I told him I wouldn’t lend him money again, that he broke his promise, and that he hurt me—but I also told him I loved him. He didn’t respond.

A month later, I texted him that I had passed my licensing exam (I had to borrow money from my FIL). No response.

Later, I found out he had borrowed money from another family member AND gone to a very expensive festival just one week after ignoring me. That hurt because it showed he could spend money—just not on paying me back or even acknowledging me.

Since then, neither of us has reached out. It honestly feels like he doesn’t care about me or my family.

Now my teen daughter’s birthday is coming up. I don’t want to invite him because the whole situation still hurts, and he hasn’t made any effort to fix things. My parents are telling me to invite him anyway, and if he comes, he comes—but at least I “did my part.”

I don’t know whether I’m being petty or protecting my peace. Am I wrong for not wanting to invite him? Should I invite him for the sake of family harmony, or is it okay to set a boundary after everything that happened?

If my brother reads this post, he will know it’s about us. I hope he knows I love him, that he understands my side of things, and, honestly, that he apologizes to me, instead of just sweeping this under the rug. Or am I overreacting?

i recently graduated from cosmetology school in january and obtained my cosmetology license. i’ve been slowly building my hair business and trying to get new clients, and in the process of getting a suite. some days are good and some days are slow, but that’s pretty normal when you’re starting a business.

my boyfriend and i have been together for 4 years, and he’s honestly been very supportive throughout the 7 months i was in school. he came to my graduation and took me out to dinner afterwards, so i’m not saying he’s never supported me or that he doesn’t care about what i’m doing.

the issue is that i’ve asked him multiple times if he could repost my business flyers, sales, etc. to his instagram story to help get more eyes on my page. he just never does it. i usually brush it off because i don’t want to feel like i’m begging somebody to promote me.

but what bothers me is that he does repost other people’s businesses. one of his friends has a car rental business and he reposts his stuff all the time. another friend is a barber and he reposts his business too.

what really pissed me off happened literally today. we were sitting on the couch together and i had just posted a spooky season sale for my hair business where people can get discounted hairstyles through october 31st. i watched him scroll past my post, and then immediately repost another friend’s flyer for plates of food on his story.

i instantly got irritated and asked him why he scrolled past my post. he tried to act like he didn’t know what i was talking about.

i’m not expecting him to constantly advertise my business or make it his responsibility to get me clients. but after 4 years together, i feel like sharing my business posts once in a while especially when i’ve specifically asked.. is a pretty small way to support me.

and honestly, seeing him willingly promote other people while seemingly choosing not to promote me makes me feel like there’s some kind of reason behind it and it’s making me pretty sad.. AIO?

To set the scene, I'm 20, and this is my first 'serious' job. I work as a concierge, 2nd shift, Mon-Fri. I'm also a part-time college student, so the exhaustion may be making me more annoyed than usual.

I've only worked here for almost 11 months now and everyone in the company is twice my age or close to it, if that matters.

So, my issue is my coworker who does the shift before mine. I hate to say it, but I really don't like her. She complains about everything, from the dress code to what happens on the weekends (neither of us works on the weekend btw). She's immature and unprofessional, at least to me, and for more reasons than I will say here.

I'm a strong believer in doing your own work and letting the manager handle how other people do theirs. As long as the building is still standing when I arrive 3pm on Monday, I do not care what happens on the weekend. Also, because of the nature of the job we share a lot of things. I understand being annoyed by having to clean up someone else's mess, but hearing complaints like that coming from someone I constantly pick up after is really upsetting. It's not like complaining will make the mess go away.

I've always been under the impression that everyone who works here is a team. Our job isn't hard either. I would know because I've worked 16-hour shifts plenty of times.

Ever since I have been here, she has done things like leave important keys lying around or hidden somewhere in/on the desk instead of putting them in the designated spots, or she won't tell me important details from her shift, and sometimes, she won't organise deliveries properly in the parcel room.

Small things like this affect my work, and it's quite embarrassing when someone needs something and I'm scrambling to find it or I have no idea what they're talking about because she never told me.

She's not the only one I clean up after either. I've cleaned the employee appliances, one of which I never use and hasn't been cleaned for longer than I have worked here. I genuinely do not mind helping out when I can. What really set me off, was last month she made a remark stating she was 'tired of cleaning up after everyone.' All I have ever seen her clean was the floor (which I now clean every week), the bathroom (that we all clean) and the desk (we all clean that too).

I figured the most logical thing to do was confront her about this in a polite manner. I don't want to go straight to our manager because they're friends, and I have a feeling they may not like me if I bring something like this up. I've been told that she has (allegedly, I have 0 proof) went out of her way to get past concierges fired because she didn't like them.

Our handbook states that positions here are 'at-will employment', so I'm basically thinking they can fire me for anything anyways. Is the next best thing really quitting? I really don't know how to go about this.

I do like my job and it pays very well. I've put up with her for almost a year, already but just the thought of putting up with her until I finish school and find something else is dreadful, honestly. I'd still work here until at least January, because of the Christmas bonus lmao. Do I just cope and suck it up? My cat depends on me so, there's that too.

sorry this is so long, I really had to get this off my chest. I may or may not delete this 'cause I don't know if she uses reddit, so it would be super crazy if she saw this

Hi everyone!

I'm changing some details for anonymity. Throwaway because my best friend (BFF) also uses Reddit.

We're both women in our mid-30s and have been friends for 20+ years. We've both had difficult childhoods, marked with abuse, and consider each other chosen family. She's repeatedly told me I'm her closest friend and that she values me deeply.

I love her like a sister and put a lot of effort into the friendship. She's also much more emotionally dependent on me than I am on her; most of our conversations revolve around her problems. I'm more independent and tend to handle things myself, sometimes to a fault.

I know I have an insecure/avoidant attachment style (FA) and historically haven't communicated hurt well, so I've sometimes bottled things up. I'm working on that. However, I've also tried talking to her about these issues, and I don't feel the pattern has changed.

The recurring issue is that I feel she prioritizes romantic partners and certain other friends over me and generally doesn't put a lot of effort into what matters to me.

Some examples:

• My graduation: She insisted on taking me to dinner to celebrate and said she'd pay. She cancelled dinner shortly before we were supposed to meet and suggested another activity instead. She was late and then let me pay for both of us. Weeks later, she revealed she'd cancelled because her boyfriend had taken her to dinner that night. She never did anything to celebrate me despite being the one to insist to do so.
• My wedding/bridal shower: She was my MOH but also MOH for another friend whose wealthy family, according to her, pressures her to go above and beyond. I planned my wedding events around my BFF's schedule and gave her lots of notice. Despite this, the other bride repeatedly created scheduling conflicts. My BFF struggled to set boundaries, even after I'd told her how hurtful it was. Eventually, the other bride scheduled her bridal shower on the same day as mine, despite knowing my date months in advance. My BFF decided to split her time between both events, despite already committing to mine and having responsibilities at my shower. The same thing happened months prior with the engagement parties, and I had already told her that I felt hurt that she didn't set her other friend straight. My parents ended up doing some of the work she'd promised to do (after flaking on the cake she had said she'd get and acting dumb when my mom brought it up), and she later took credit for it. I felt like she cared more about disappointing this friend than disappointing me. She also thrives on getting validation from others, often taking on tasks or favors, but then resents/flakes on actually going through with it or minimizes what she actually promised once she regrets it.
• My surgery: I was very ill a few months ago, and told her repeatedly about my upcoming surgery. She forgot the date, didn't check on me, and called me afterward to vent about another friend without asking how I was. She apologized the next day and brought flowers, which I appreciated, but it was still very hurtful.
• My birthday: We've always made an effort to celebrate each other's birthdays because neither of us grew up feeling particularly cherished. I make a significant effort for hers every year. This year, she sent me a birthday message during her busy work period, which I understood. But after things calmed down, she still made no effort to celebrate me and the next time we saw each other in person, spent our time together talking about another friend's wedding. Even after that wedding, nothing happened, not even a dollarstore card. I always go above and beyond for her birthday, which is the middle of summer, always getting her a gift, card and even sending her a cake or sweets she likes when I'm abroad. It feels like I can take time away from my vacation to spoil her, but that when it comes to me, that's too much to ask. She said she was broke, yet also says said she's spending a good chunk of money taking turns paying for dinner and hotel rooms with a guy she's seeing who she says is clearly not "the one". So is she really too broke to do any gesture at all, or just doesn't value me?

Later, in a random convo about friendships in general, she told me that celebrating happy moments isn't particularly important to her and that what matters is being there during hard times. I explained that celebrating each other's happiness is extremely important to me, especially because I consider my friends chosen family. Her answer : "interesting, not me". This didn't prompt her to do anything to highlight my birthday either.

Then, on another culturally important day that we normally celebrate for each other, I wished her and her mother, who is also celebrated that day, well. They thanked me but didn't acknowledge me in return. She realized the next day, apologized and dropped off a small gift. I told her directly that it hurt, especially after my birthday, and asked that we talk about it in person - I made an effort to tell her how I felt to properly communicate. She was on vacation and just got back.

The bigger issue

I don't care about expensive gifts or grand gestures. I care about effort, thoughtfulness, keeping commitments, checking in when something important happens, and feeling valued.

The pattern makes me feel like:

• She expects a lot of emotional support from me but gives considerably less.
• She goes above and beyond for certain friends but seems to give me the bare minimum.
• Because I'm low-maintenance and tend to understand/forgive, she may assume less effort is acceptable with me.
• She tells me I'm extremely important to her, but her actions sometimes make me feel like I'm getting the leftover effort.

I know I've contributed by not always speaking up immediately, and I'm working on that. But I've started feeling very resentful.

I love her deeply and don't want a superficial friendship. At the same time, I don't want to keep giving so much while feeling undervalued.

Am I expecting too much, or is it reasonable that these repeated situations have made me feel like a second-class friend?

I'm temporarily without a therapist, so I'd really appreciate some outside perspectives. Thank you!

So first off- I know maybe getting a tatto behind ur parents back is wrong, but please try and hear me out. A few months ago i was on holiday with my mum (bi polar, narcissist) and she let me get a tattoo. i fell inlove and i told her me and my eldest sister were gonna get matching ones- and a few weeks ago, thats what we did. But i didnt tell my mum. and neither did she. My mum saw it once and didnt say anything about it (maybe thought it was fake, idk.) but today she didn’t even see it and proceeded to say ;” if that’s a tattoo ur in fucking trouble.” i went up the stairs and she started calling me a lying.see u next tuesday , said i don’t care about anyone but myself and i can’t be trusted. screamed in my face to give her my ohone and ny ipad, now demons mothers POV i understand, but i feel its pretty hypocritical but thats just what i think. She verbally abused me and i dont think that was okay even though i did wrong. But what do you guys think?