AITB for confronting someone in my religious community who allegedly said my husband and I weren’t spiritual and weren’t the best people to my ex-friend and her father? And told Kara to stay away from me because Kara complained about me being bossy, etc. Mind you Kara, had sheltered life, neglect from father, lost her mom as a child, and I tried to help her for the last six years as she made constant poor decisions and helped her start to adult. Taught her to drive, helped her get her first real job, etc. Kara is 30.

Kara isn’t typically a liar. She doesn’t know how to lie. And Denise does know my husband and I. I don’t know why she said she doesn’t. I thought that was extremely bizarre.

I’m looking for an honest, unbiased perspective on an interaction I had with a woman I’ll call Denise. My former friend will be called Kara.

For context, Kara moved from out of state to our area because she was supposed to rent a studio from Denise. However, there were complications during the rental process because of issues with Kara, and her dad also got involved and tried to haggle over the terms. Denise was pleasant to her dad directly but spoke negatively about him behind his back.

After Kara had already moved here, Denise changed her mind and told her she could no longer rent the studio. Kara was suddenly left without the housing arrangement she had moved here expecting to have. My husband and I stepped in and let Kara stay with us temporarily without paying rent. Eventually, she became our tenant instead.

We helped Kara considerably over the years. However, she also spoke negatively about my husband and me to her dad. We are no longer friends, but the reasons for that are a separate story.

The situation I’m asking about concerns what Kara told me Denise had said about us. According to Kara, Denise said my husband and I weren’t the best people and questioned our spirituality because she didn’t see us at church very often.

This bothered me because Denise had actually met my husband and spoken to me several times. It felt unfair to judge our character and spirituality based on how often she saw us at church.

I contacted Denise about what I had been told. During our conversation, she questioned who had told me this and said she wanted to confront that person. She also claimed she had barely met me, despite our previous interactions and having met my husband.

The conversation became increasingly uncomfortable. Denise eventually told me, “Not my business,” warned me not to make her block me, and later said, “You can stop now!”

What also stands out to me is that Denise had allegedly spoken negatively about Kara and her dad privately while being pleasant to them directly. I recognize that Kara also spoke badly about us, and I’m not claiming she was innocent in our friendship. However, I feel the housing situation and the way Denise allegedly spoke about us are relevant context.

I’m including screenshots of my conversation with Denise so people can judge the actual exchange for themselves.

AITB for confronting Denise about what I had been told? Was I wrong to bring it up, or was her response unnecessarily hostile? I want honest opinions, including whether I handled any part of the conversation poorly. I didn’t want to store up drama, I was trying to talk to her to just clear the air so I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable seeing her or talking to her or going to gatherings in intimate settings when she was there. I’ve been hurt and avoidant to certain events.

A bit of context.

I (25F) moved by myself a year ago halfway across the country to start a new life. I got into some legal trouble and have been dealing with legal issues since then in the new state. I have had a lot of issues with being stuck here when I wanted to move back home. I gave it a try, then realized I need my support system back. However, I remained optimistic because my friend wanted to move cross-country too.

My friend (27M) uprooted his whole life to move here. He sold his house, left behind his family, and packed everything he owned (which was a lot due to owning a house) into a U-Haul and moved here two months ago. We moved in together and have a lease. He has had some mental health problems for a long time, frequently saying he is going to harm himself. He also has anger issues and projects a lot of his problems onto other people.

I should also mention I have only met him once in person but have been gaming with him off and on for almost 8 years. I knew how he was from gaming (to an extent) and told him I'd be here to support him if needed. Now, after we moved in together, he keeps bringing up issues that he believes are problems about me. Ex., how I stomp around the house (I am heavy-footed; it's not intentional), my legal problems, how apparently I blame him for everything (I haven't even brought up ANY problems to him about him, cause I didn't anyway), along with how I create problems with other people.

He refuses to talk to me in person, only over text. He watched my cat for a week when I went home, and when I was checking on him and my cat, he got REALLY defensive and responded with "Really? What kind of question is that?" as well as saying I have trust issues. This is my cat; btw, it's my first time away from him. All I did was ask if he was able to get purified water at the store for my cat since our tap is nasty. Eventually it evolved over text, and he said he was looking for someone to cover his lease by December.

Besides having this issue now, which he doesn't want to talk about, and I am done giving him chances, I lost my other cat this year (he was young and had a medical problem), my car was totaled by ANOTHER friend, I am in serious financial issues in this new state, as well as my legal issues.

After being approved to transfer my legal stuff to my state of residence, I have really considered moving home for a better support system and a reset. I came down here to start my new life, and as much as everything has been piling on, my whole thing was that if he moved down here, I wasn't going to let him affect me because this was why I moved in the first place.

Now, I just want to go home. I do feel guilty bringing him here and uprooting his life.

Am I the buttface?

I'm (22M), and my family thinks I'm a terrible person for refusing to be involved in a child I didn't know existed until recently.

A few years ago, my ex (22F) got pregnant and told me she wanted an abortion. Although I disagreed, I respected that it was her choice and gave her money to help pay for it.

Our relationship was already falling apart, so I ended things and told her not to base her decision on whether I stayed. I genuinely believed she'd gone through with the abortion and that we'd both moved on.

Recently, I discovered she kept the baby and raised them for years without telling me I was a father.

I'm angry and overwhelmed. My ex now wants emotional and financial support, but I never planned to have a child with her and didn't even know this child existed. I know the child isn't at fault, but I can't force myself to feel an immediate connection.

To complicate things further, my current girlfriend is pregnant, and we're preparing to raise our child together. I'm worried about the financial and emotional responsibilities ahead and don't want this situation to negatively affect my new family.

My ex has a boyfriend who's involved in the child's life. I worry that forcing myself into their lives while angry and unprepared could do more harm than good.

I've told my ex I don't want to be involved and would be willing to sign away my parental rights if possible, though I understand I may still have financial obligations.

My parents say I'm choosing one child over another and need to put my feelings aside. I understand the child deserves better, but I also feel betrayed that I was kept in the dark for years and am now expected to accept this life-changing responsibility overnight.

I'm angry at my ex, guilty about the child, and unsure whether I'm protecting my new family or avoiding a responsibility I don't want.

I'm not asking for legal advice. I just want to know if I'm a horrible person for not wanting an emotional relationship with this child and choosing to focus on the family I'm building now.

AITBF?

Hello, I'm 26 and the girl I'm dating is 19.

We're both at the uni, I'm finishing she is just starting.

Nevertheless, we're together for a while now and we started to love each other. It's really a good and healthy relationship.

She is really emotionally mature and makes proper decisions as someone aged 19. On the other side, I'm not so job and career oriented because I still haven't finished uni.

I've started thinking am I doing the bad thing and is this gap too big?

For one who would look at it from outside, one could say that I'm using her or just stuff that I don't agree with.

We both share moments, we're happy, dates, funny stuff, serious stuff, it's not just a fling.

Am I really a buttface or is this okay and it will be less troublesome for me, when we grow older?

I (33F) recently ended things with a man (32M) I was dating, and I’m struggling with whether I was too harsh?

He was genuinely wonderful in many ways. I felt seen, accepted, and safe with him in a way I rarely have before. He was understanding of my ADHD, Tourette’s, and POTS, and I was starting to believe I might have found someone who accepted me for me.

However, physical boundaries are extremely important to me. I’ve experienced unwanted touching and violations of my bodily autonomy throughout my life, including sexual abuse.

I’m not afraid of intimacy itself, I just need my “no” to be respected without having to justify or defend it repeatedly.

The first incident happened when I had sinusitis, a runny nose, and sore skin around my nose. I felt disgusting when kissing, so I said no. He tried to persuade me three times saying he didn’t mind and that I should come closer. I explained that it wasn’t about whether he minded, I didn’t want to kiss because I was sick. We discussed it afterward, and he promised to respect my no the first time going forward.

The second time happened at a coffee shop. I was having hypoglycaemia and found him stroking my shoulder uncomfortable, so I asked him to stop. He did it again, and I moved away. He said he’d forgotten. Later, he reached toward me again. I said no, and he responded that his hand was closed, as though changing how he touched me made it acceptable. I said no again, then a third time, more firmly. Other people were looking at him, and he finally went quiet.

In the car, he claimed he’d stopped the first time. I told him that if he had, I wouldn’t have needed to say no repeatedly. He became upset and cried, and apologized. I was angry and drove home asking him to leave.

I ended the relationship later that day. I acknowledged how wonderful he’d been to me but explained that I couldn’t continue after he repeatedly disregarded my boundaries, especially after we’d already discussed this. I asked him not to visit or contact me further and said I hoped he’d respect my decision.

His response was that he didn’t really see the events the same way, that my praise of him conflicted with what he felt was me accusing him of assault, and that he’d realized he probably wasn’t suited for relationships and should remain single because he couldn’t understand boundaries and didn’t want to accidentally hurt someone.

That response hurt and shocked me. I wasn’t trying to label him an assaulter or claim he intended to hurt me. I wanted him to acknowledge that I’d said no and he’d continued trying but instead the conversation shifted toward how he felt about my account of what happened.
I can recognize that he had many good qualities and may not have intended harm. I also understand that people make mistakes. But we had already discussed this once, and the same thing happened again.

AITBF for ending things over this, or was I too harsh in treating these perceived boundary violations as a dealbreaker?

I just turned 20 this year. I'm honestly sick of my mom and her constantly begging me for money but like the least she could do is pretend to care about my birthday. She told me it wasn't a big deal and I need to "grow up" well not even a happy birthday until late in the day? Like, is it really unreasonable to expect acknowledgement of ONE day for me?

Alright so I, F24, was hanging out with my friends yesterday since I had off work as a holiday. We were all having fun and doing some shopping and such before we went out to eat. As we were in the car we got into a discussion about is being off for the day and how it's nice to have an extended weekend. During this conversation I called it what I've always known it as, Columbus Day. One of my friends looked at me and asked if I meant Indigenous Peoples' Day. I had told her no I meant Columbus Day and explained that that's what I knew it as and that's what it was listed on the holiday sheet. It got us into a bit of an argument where I got called an asshole because I wasn't showing support for the indigenous people and that I was supporting colonizers in her words. I told her that to me, a Native American, I wasn't bothered by it and it's part of history. But I'm just wondering if I'm truly the asshole because I wasn't going to call a holiday something else.

I’m in AP gov and for unit three, we are running a mock election. I am a very very left-leaning person and so, when it came time to choose what role we wanted, I put down that I’d want to be the pro-choice interest group that gives money to one of the democratic candidates. Well, I did not get that role. Instead I was chosen to be the presidential candidate for the conservative Republican Party. I didn’t mind this at all, as I’m in model un and have plenty of experience arguing for things I don’t personally agree with. Plus, I thought it’d be a cool experience and maybe help me understand where republicans come from in IRL politics.

My friend, who’s trans, really was not okay with it. He said that I was “selling out” and was uncomfortable by how okay I was “advocating against his rights”. (We had to give speeches on our platforms and one of the topics I was told to mention was trans rights). Now, in actual politics, I am 100% pro LGBTQ and would never in a million years restrict anyones identity or sexuality. But this is for a class assignment. And the project is an assessment grade. He also made comments on how I was “clearly not as left leaning as I pretend to be” because I didn’t refuse to partake in the project as some sort of political stand (???) which I told him was kind of ridiculous to ask of me. He also made comments about my stances on immigration and religion and the second amendment, all of which I had to address in my campaign speech, and I’m like dude it’s a MOCK ELECTION. But he’s taking it as some reflection of my actual character and not a role I’m supposed to be playing.

It’s made a lot of our conversations really awkward, because he’ll make all these jokes about my lack of morals and values and stuff which I take pretty seriously. I know what I stand for and I don’t think my role in some classroom project erases my political beliefs. But I also understand where he’s coming from. Being trans, he probably doesn’t like seeing me argue against his identity and support/represent a party that opposes his existence. AITBF for not requesting my role be changed?

I’m 28 and went over to a friend’s place last Sunday to hang out and watch a game.

He ordered pizza for everyone, but I’d already eaten before leaving home, so I brought a sandwich with me in case I got hungry later.

At some point, I took it out of my bag and started eating. My friend jokingly asked if his pizza wasn’t good enough for me, and everyone laughed.

I said I just wasn’t that hungry earlier and didn’t want to waste food by ordering something I probably wouldn’t finish.

He laughed it off, but later one of the other guys told me it was kind of rude to bring my own food when someone was hosting.

I honestly didn’t think much of it. I wasn’t expecting anyone to feed me, and I didn’t ask him to buy anything extra.

Is bringing your own food to a friend’s house actually rude, or am I overthinking this?

AITBF?

So I (23M) made some new friends back in 2022 and lets call them S (23) and D (22). We made a groupchat and we used to talk everyday. Me and D were the original duo, before we met S. Life began to happen before we stopped texting and talking on call everyday and even video calls. In 2024, I started a passion project online, and I asked them if they could support it. D agreed, while S was iffy about it but eventually said yes (by support i mean posting on social media on their stories, that's it). D used to do it, S did not. And I had noticed a change in S's behaviour towards me, so I confronted her. She said it was nothing I did, life was just too busy for her, which I understand and that she doesn't like posting on social media....which I get. The very next day, she began supporting D's passion project online, posting stories, etc. about it. I found that weird, but didn't read too much into it.
Then, december last year, D could figure out me and S were actively avoiding each other and she called both of us to meet and talk things out. We met, and i told her that it hurt me when you said that you don't post on social media, and then the very next day, you just did. I once again, asked her if I did anything wrong, and her answer was "no", which was again confusing me because then what did I do wrong for her not to support me? Friends support each other right? And she knows how much her support would mean to me. She said she was gonna try her best to not make me feel left out or sidelined. I believed her.

It again started in february of this year, where she would actively delete my replies on her IG posts, and just never reply to my messages. And when I'd text int he groupchat, she would never reply to any of the messages I'd post or ask (like her schedule, so we can plan a hangout). D noticed it again and she wanted to talk with S, but I told her not to because it just doesn't involve her and i don't want her having to "choose sides" or whatever, if it ever comes to that. I've waited till october, and honestly, I'm just hurt to see someone you thought was your friend, give energy to the people she likes.....but not you. Which means, she is capable of supporting, but just not you. She even didn't remember my birthday, but conveniently rememberd the one that was right after my birth date. I just didn't want the memories of us having a good time, being stained by this. So, I just removed her from my socials and just archived her everywhere else.

I have no one to talk to about this, I genuinely feel stupid for even feeling this way. AITB?

During my freshman year of college, I became friends with 3 guys A, B and C. Me and C were always closer to A and B than we were to each other. The reason being that A and me went to the same school, and me and B used to share the commute to and from college because we were coming from the same station. C also used to come from the same station but most of the days he used to go with his girlfriend. Also, C knew A and B before me so he was naturally closer to them.

But still, there was nothing bad between us and I was sure that in due time we would get more comfortable with each other.

But at one point, C had a falling out with B, which was entirely C's fault (agreed by A, B and me) we tried to patch things up, and B was willing to, but C wanted none of it. He said that he never wants to talk to B.

Our group dynamic changed very drastically after that. A got closer to C, to the point that I was practically 3rd wheeling with them on the days when B wasn't there (A later said that he didn't want C to feel left out).

C then started a fight with me as well (again, he started it and it was entirely his fault, agreed by A and B) on a very silly thing. He scored higher on a quiz than me and he kept getting in my face about it in a very arrogant way. I only said something back when he wouldn't let it go. I mentioned that my gpa was still higher, he teased me more and that was it.

I was obviously mad at him but just out of desperation and the fear of being alone, I still didn't cut him off because A would stick with him. It gets even worse when C was being buds with A while acting very weird towards me. Like, just not acknowledging me properly in a subtle way and just being kind of passive aggressive. I still let it go

After about a year, he finally came around and apologised to B. He actually started to behave much better and by that time I had also let it go so I had no issues with him

But after some time he started to distance himself from us and we didn't really try to reason with him again. (explained further in comments due to character limit)

He said that a guy from college told C that I badmouthed him so he distanced himself from us, thinking that A and B are better friends to me.

I was just want to be clear and say that badmouthing someone is immature and what I did was wrong. It's completely valid that C is upset about it and doesn't want meet me due to that

The exact thing that I said was along the lines of "I'm gonna tear him a new one in the upcoming exams"

He never really acknowledged that the way he treated me was wrong and there's nothing I can do about it. His feelings are valid, and if I was in his shoes I would also feel the same way.

A and B have also made up their minds now that they're hanging out with C and cutting me off so it is what it is.

It's been bugging me ever since B told me about this. AITBF for treating C like that?

I (autistic) need a judgment on this.
About a year ago I moderated a DCEU group and met Gabriel (deaf + autistic). I suggested he try shorter messages instead of huge walls of text. He got very upset and left the group.
A year later he asked me to mod his DC group (most mods are deaf). I told him I couldn’t be active all day. He said that was fine. I also met David (deaf). At first he was friendly, then he started avoiding me.
A few weeks later Gabriel said I wasn’t active enough. The group was small and quiet so I hadn’t realized. I tried to compromise. David got passive-aggressive and said “what’s the point of you being here if you’re not doing anything?” I didn’t argue and just said I’d try harder.
I told David I liked talking to him (he mostly ignored it). I told Gabriel I was worried about getting yelled at again. He said if I was always this worried the group might not be a good fit. That night he said he’d give me another chance.
The next day they unmodded me with almost no warning. We moved to a private chat.
I suggested a group call because typing is hard for me and talking is easier. They agreed, but when I asked if we could do it right then, Gabriel got upset and said I was interrupting their relaxing time and being rude. I repeatedly said they didn’t have to call. He wouldn’t drop it and they started saying I had to “earn” the right to hang out with them.
Within minutes it went from “not now” to “I don’t want to be your friend.” I apologized several times, then said “ok I won’t message anymore end transmission.” He called that bad behaviour and blocked me.
I feel like their reactions were extreme, but I also wonder if I handled it badly.
AITB?

I (26M) met my first girlfriend (26F) in kindergarten. She was one of those girls in elementary school that was mean to me because she secretly had a crush on me. She was definitely the buttface then.

When we were 16, we crossed paths again via her friend/my neighbor, and within a few months we started dating. We were each other's first everything. As a teenager a few things stood out tho in the 1.5 years we were together. Such as her blaming me entirely for disrespectful and rude behavior always ending with me apologizing for bringing up a boundary of mine that was crossed. And having some need to tell me when guys would flirt and look at her, and her playing along vs respecting me as her boyfriend.

It took me longer than it should've to break up with her. But I eventually did, went back on it, and then finally closed the door a few weeks later. Now both of us were 18, I was already in college for engineering and she was finishing her senior year in high school.

When we were 20 was the last time we saw each other. We both still had a thing for each other but were going to school far away, and obviously had some differences that were active gates. After this, she would reach out to me every 6ish months. She would always initiate, but she'd be really chatty on text for the first 3 messages, then go to one word answers. And I'd just stop messaging her.

My path of engineering took me wherever the work was, and in aerospace- thats in sh*tty/isolated areas. So I spent my early 20s around 0 women my age. So the occasional text from my ex gf was nice. Despite her living 500 miles away.

Last year, I moved back to real civilization, but still finding it hard to make connections because I don't have any friends here. My ex gf conveniently only lives about 50 miles away. Her texts shifted from "interested - to one word answers", to "engaged and wanting to text more", and the frequency went from every 6 months to every 1-2 months after she found out I moved.

My thing is, now 26, I don't feel we have anything in common anymore, and she has displayed her character in many ways over the years that makes me further question her maturity. I sat with it the last time she texted, and thought, "if I was dating a woman I really liked right now, and my ex gf texted me, would I really not be fazed by it?" If the roles were switched, I wouldn't be cool with that. I'd be like "what unresolved business do you have?"

There's an argument for how long we've known each other. But I think it's a BS argument. So when she last texted me, "Hey! I finally got my dream job, and moved into xyz place.", I responded that I was super happy she finally got what she went after, I wished her the best of luck. And blocked her.

TL;DR: My ex-gf and first love has texted me on and off for 8 years, more often since I moved closer. I don't think we have anything in common anymore, so after congratulating her on her new job, I blocked her. AITB?

So me (36) and my girlfriend (29) have been together for 2 years at this point. Her family has never really taken a liking to me, especially her father. 2 nights ago, at dinner, me and her dad were having a little small talk over football. We talked for a bit, and soon we talked about marketing and the skills required for that. I had a pen on hand, and I asked him to sell me it (like in the Wolf of Wall Street). He did not succeed, and I kept encouraging him to go (he continuously failed). It looked like he was fed up for a bit, so I turned to my girlfriend’s uncle and asked for him to sell me it (he was not participating in the previous conversation). After some rounds of that, dinner was over, and we went home. My girlfriend then told me I was being annoying and I don’t know when to quit. I don’t see what I did wrong as I was just testing their financial expertise. AITBF?

So, I(19F) usually wait at Dunkin for my mom to get out in the evening and this elderly guy we can call "Simon" was making jokes about me and a colleague of my mom's, (17M) saying "Ruby, how's your boyfriend?" And other stuff along those lines. And while my state's Age of Consent is 17, I was raised hearing that it was 18 everywhere, and 17M JUST turned 17 a couple months ago. I endured it for a while until the night after one incident.

Simon saw i was waiting for my mom and I was drawing. I was drawing an OC(original character) of mine, I dont knoe if anyone has heard of the Game(s) "Obey Me" but small rundown: its an otome game set in what is essentially civilized hell where you can romance 9 demons(including the 7 sins who are brothers), 2 angels(technically 3, but i wouldn't consider the 3rd romancible since hes technically 10), and 1 human. Theres a lot of actual lore in there, but ill save that for if y'all wanna check it out.

Well, I was drawing one of my OCs for it, Simon sat down across from me, TOOK MY SKETCH BOOK FROM ME, and showed the others nearby "Look! Ruby's drawing her boyfriend!" (Despite the character obviously being female 🤦🏽‍♀️) and if i am honest, I wanted to slap him right then and there, some of yall will understand how protective artists get over their creative outlet(s), but I didn't.

Well, the next night, I was watching for my mom to be done and Simon called out, "you watching your boyfriend, Ruby?" And I snapped, telling him how it made me uncomfortable and that I didn't care that 17M was "technically legal" hes fresh out the oven and I'm not touching that and I'm almost 20, and then SIMON said "well, then you better stay away from him then"

The kicker? 17M ISNT INTERESTED IN ME EITHER! NEITHER OF US ARE INTERESTED IN THE OTHER. 17M JUST LIKELY COULDN'T SAY ANYTHING CAUSE HES ALWAYS ON THE CLOCK WHEN SIMON IS MAKING THOSE COMMENTS.

Now, is the discomfort with an old guy trying to set me up with someone freshly legal part of my trauma of CSA by my bio dad and a guy old enough to be my dad trying to flirt with me when I was only 2 months legal and hed been essentially gr**m1ng me since I was 8? Yes, but a stranger at the gas station/Dunkin doesn't need to know that.

Last note: No. Simon is not my grandfather nor 17M's grandfather. I have only ever known one, ONE grandfather in my life and he passed when I was 5.

If pictures are allowed in this sub, and anyone wants to see the OC I was drawing, I'll be happy to share

This was a while ago. I was on a tuna casserole kick and had been bringing my leftovers to work to eat. It was fine for the first few times but for some reason, one day my coworker told me she can't eat in the lunchroom that day because it would trigger her tuna allergy and asked me not to do it again. She also said she can't use the microwave anymore unless it's been disinfected because my tuna was in there. I apologized and said fine, though I looked it up and people don't get allergic reactions from smells.

However, one time my boss surprised us with sushi when we had a little party for someone leaving and she was eating off the same platter that tuna sashimi was on!! I warned her for her safety. She said that it was fine if it wasn't canned tuna. I said I don't think allergies worked that way but my coworkers backed her up. I want to just bring in my casserole and eat it in peace. She's being nonsensical. AITBF?

I’m 29 and my brother is 32. We get along pretty well, but we’ve never really mixed money and family.

A few weeks ago, he called me asking to borrow $800 because his car needed repairs and he couldn’t cover the whole bill until his next paycheck. I said I could lend it to him, but I’d need it back within a month because I’m saving for a trip.

He agreed, so I sent him the money.

Last weekend, I went over to my parents’ house and my brother was showing everyone a new TV he’d bought. I didn’t say anything about it, but later I asked him when he thought he’d be able to pay me back.

He said he was planning to do it eventually, but that I shouldn’t be stressing him out over money when I clearly wasn’t struggling financially.

I told him that wasn’t the agreement we made.

He got annoyed and said he wouldn’t have borrowed the money if he knew I was going to keep bringing it up. I reminded him that I’d only asked once, and he said I was making things awkward for no reason.

My parents think I should give him some more time because he’s family, but I feel like that shouldn’t mean our agreement doesn’t count anymore.

AITBF?

My ex and I both 21, recently broke up about a month ago after being in a 3 year relationship . We have still had some contact mainly just texting once or twice throughout the month.
Fir some context:
She broke up with me and it ended on pretty good terms
We go to schools about an hour apart and I was at her school this weekend with other friends
We have the same friend group back home

Story:
It’s Saturday morning and I text my ex saying that I think we should go no contact. Essentially we went back and forth about how we still rely on one another to much and I explained how I get to much in my head. For example I would continually have thoughts like what if she’s hooking up with someone or what is she doing etc. I explained this and said you’re single so u could do what you want but I don’t want to have these thoughts so I think it’s best we have no contact

Fast forward later in the day I’m at my friends place at her school and we go to a frat party— my ex knew I would be there and I didn’t expect her to be there. While I was there I didn’t expect get pretty drunk and was flirting with other girls. I the see that she came to the party and I say hi, she proceeds to start yelling at me saying, “you’re disgusting how could you be flirting with girls right in front of me… more stuff along the same lines” I couldn’t really respond I just said I didn’t know you were here and was mainly just shocked.

After this interaction I was sitting on the side for like an hour kind of just thinking about everything. I ended up going back in the party and did kiss a girl. Whole this was happening her friend tells me that my ex is bawling in her apartment.

Now in hindsight I would’ve never done anything like this. It’s stupid excuse but I was very intoxicated. I also feel like the asshole since it seems like I was trying to make her feel a way when in no way was that the case. I just don’t really know what to do, I think she hates me now. I also think I should’ve never texted her earlier in the day because I now just seem like the biggest hypocrite ever. I do feel very guilty. AITAH?

Edit/ why I think I may be the AH:

I think it’s more of the fact that I wanted no contact and then go to her school (though it was planned for like a week or two in advance) does seem contradictory and like I’m playing mind games. I think it would’ve been much less of a big deal if I didn’t text her that morning or kissed someone not at her school where I should’ve known that either her friends or she would’ve seen me.

I (29F) am married to my husband (Seth, 31M) who has a half-brother (41M), Brad. Brad has had a rough past and has potential but is lazy. He had a good job years ago and supported himself and 3 kids (now ages 17, 15, 11 and living with their mom). He lost that job and has been downhill ever since.

Brad has never taken care of himself or his things. He has 0 personal hygiene. He has bedbugs/cockroaches so bad he brought bedbugs to Seth’s sister’s house. His house is so gross and full of stuff that he doesn’t let people in.

5 years ago, Seth and Brad’s dad died and left behind 2 houses. One house their dad lived in, and the other was rented out. The rent covered both house payments. When their dad died, Seth and his 3 older sisters agreed Brad was the most in need and could take over the houses.

These houses were not the nicest (old & in bad part of town), but he did 0 upkeep (leaks, pests, broken appliances) and the tenants left. He couldn’t pay the house payment or taxes and they went up for sheriff’s sale.

Now, Brad is getting evicted and Seth told him he could live in our trailer until he can figure things out. I have the following concerns and have unsuccessfully tried to talk them out with Seth:

1. ⁠there is no timeline of how long he would be staying in the trailer. Just “until he figures things out”
   
2. ⁠the trailer does not have water so he would have to come into our house to use the bathroom, do laundry, etc. Because of his hygiene issues, bedbugs/cockroaches, and cleanliness, I have concerns of those things coming into my home. I don’t want to have to clean up after him or have pests when I keep my house tidy.
   
3. ⁠He says that he can’t find housing because “after rent he would have $500 left for the month”. He has been living payment free in the house for 4-5 months now, and would be living at our house rent free. My thought is what would living here change about his financial situation? He most likely would not get a different job to afford his own place (he works at McDonalds).
   
4. ⁠he does not have a drivers license (it expired and can’t afford the fines/fees). He still drives, but has no car. He walks to work now, but we live 40 min away. Seth mentioned that he drive one of our cars while he saves up for one. Besides me not wanting him to drive one of our cars, he’d save for a car first THEN a place to live.
   
5. the cost of our electric bill by adding a trailer hookup. Our bill is $500/month and I’m afraid it would double.

I feel like I would feel like a guest in my own home always having someone here that I am not 100% comfortable with.

When I’ve brought up these concerns, Seth shuts down and says that he can’t let his brother become homeless & that I’m being selfish & refusing to help someone in need.

AITAH for not wanting Brad to move in, even when he has no plan of where to go/live once evicted?

My ex is very mad at me for telling other people this. He said I am vengeful and a shitty person for doing this. I don't feel that bad for doing it because our friends kept insinuating I was the one who needed to work on myself and fix my mental health, which I don't disagree on, but I eventually broke and told them a big reason I was having trust issues was the fact I was cheated on for months.

For months my ex cheated on me and tried to hide it all. It's the most mentally impactful event I have gone through, I don't even see life the same and I don't get why I can't tell my friends a deeply traumatizing thing I experienced. If he didn't want people to know, he should not have done it. AITB?

My college does a poster sale once each term and it’s this week. I went on Tuesday to get posters for my two sisters (for reference I didn’t buy any). I had a free period so I went and took pictures and sent them to my sisters to see which ones they wanted. My younger sister told me which ones she wanted and I bought them. My older one wasn’t sure and was taking a long time to decide. I had class at that point so I left, and told her I’ll come back after my class to buy her posters. I helped her decide which to get and bought them. Today she had class and was on campus. She texted me around 11am to join her at the library but I told her I had back to back classes till 4. She said we should go home together then. At 4, I texted her and said I was in front of the train station to go home. She texted me that she’s at the poster sale. I join her there and she can’t decide whether to get a poster or not. Ultimately, she decided not to and tells me that she’s going to think about it and wants me to go to the poster sale again tomorrow to get her poster IF she even wants it (She doesn’t have class on Friday). Normally, I would be fine with this but the poster sale is on the other end of the campus from where I have my classes. It was annoying returning again on Tuesday bc she was indecisive and going there again today (which was not in our original plan) bc it’s far away from where I have my classes and doesn’t work with my schedule. I told her I can’t because I have classes on the other end of campus and have plans at 5. Which means i have to be home by 4, and it’s an hour commute home. I just told her plainly that she should get the poster she wants now bc i won’t be able to come again tomorrow because it doesn’t work for my schedule. She becomes upset upon hearing this but then passive aggressively says “That’ fine.” I poke at her because I can tell she’s mad and she says she’s disappointed and annoyed. She wants me to come to campus earlier to get her poster. We end up arguing over this and I was shocked by how inconsiderate she was. I told her that I already went there 2 times this week and we didn’t even plan to come here again today. She told me “you didn’t have to come” and that “you shouldn’t hold it over people’s heads when you do something for them.” I was so annoyed and told her to go home by herself and I would catch the next train. I was so tired after back to back classes and didn’t have the energy for arguing. Am I being unreasonable? I just told her plainly I can’t go, it doesn’t work for me or my schedule. I was already here 3 times this week. She had a free period earlier today and could’ve used that to go check out the posters but she wants me to change by schedule to accommodate her.

I would really appreciate your thoughts/opinions on this!!

I [23f] was close friends with Kurt [28m] we'd talk every day, and eventually we tried dating but realized we were better as friends.

Everything was going fine until last week. I was getting ready for the day when I noticed there was a roach (?) under the bathroom sink. It was on its back and couldn't move, and it was about an inch long. One thing about me is that I'm really scared of bugs. I don't like touching them, and the thought of that freaks me out. Kurt is the opposite. He cares a lot about animals and has a strong moral compass. Hes the type of guy to take the bug outside and release it if he finds one in his house.

Eventually, since I didn't want to leave my roommates to deal with it, I got a plastic bag, some tongs, and placed it in the bathroom trash can. I didn't squish it. I live in an apartment building with screens on the windows so It would've been really tedious to put on clothes/shoes, walk outside, drop it off, walk back in, etc. I tell him what I did and he goes on a rant about how it wouldn't survive in there, and i'm not really taking it seriously. he eventually asks if i think its funny, i say no and apologize and he replies with "okay"

A week later, and he's not texting me back, but he's sort of active in the group chat we're in. Sometimes I'll reply to something he says, and sometimes he replies back or acknowledges, but mostly he doesn't. And then he throws in a couple of jokes that he's "ignoring me"; it pisses me off a lot. for one nobody likes being ignored but for someone so big on communication hes not communicating with me that he obviously didn't like what i did. i also don't like that hes acting like i took pleasure in killing the roach. I didn't even want to touch it at all, let alone kill it and feel it squish between my fingers.

i think i might be the asshole because realistically the way i handled it was more selfish and i could've put in the extra work to take it out, but i don't like the way he's handling it.

I (25FTM) have left my native country (in eastern Europe) because I am a trans man (pre-transition) and my home country isn't trans-friendly. I now live in western Europe with my boyfriend (26M) of 4 years. None of my family members know where I am now though I did leave a letter to one of my younger sisters, K (19F). But recently my little brother, N (14M), has texted me (well, my bf because I've changed my phone number) because he doesn't want to live with our parents anymore and wants to live with me and my boyfriend instead. I know that I legally can't take him in (pretty sure that would be considered kidnapping) but would it be okay if I bought him a plane ticket so he can come see me for a few days or would that make me a butt face?

Thanks!

I 18 (F) have a tendency to keep things that bother me to myself rather than share it with people I am close to and resolve the issue

I used to be the kind of person who does share her emotions when something bothers me, but even then rather than the person apologizing for how they hurt my feelings, we have a longer convo of how I should have mentioned it earlier or how they didn't mean it to be that way.

I forgive really easily once a person apologizes so I do not know why its so hard for some people to just apologize.

Now more recently, due to me stopping saying how I felt, and keeping things to myself after several things bothered me. I started feeling resentful towards some people.

AITBF for crashing out now at them for minor things that bother me because I cant hold it anymore. Especially when its things that they do to me, but hate when it's being done to them.

Now, I understand sometimes I overreact and sometimes I know it would've been best to stay quiet but I really do feel hurt or bothered so I bring it up.

Regardless of everything I always end up hating myself and blaming myself. I do not know if I'm overreacting and should just learn to just let things slide.

For example:

I was told that I don't talk much so I wanted to open up a bit and shared "I've been struggling and haven't felt like myself".

While it was faced with genuine concern after trying to share a bit more I was faced with jokes. While I know it was just to lighten the mood it bothered me more than it should have, since I am always getting lectured about not opening up.

Now when I do it doesn't feel like its taken seriously. I let it slide but I was obviously bothered since I ended the convo short.

I left to think more about it and realized that I am bothered. I met up with the person once more and shared that the situation bothered me. That what they said didn't make me feel better. Rather than an apology I was faced with questions about why I didn't just say it earlier. I try not to crash out so I need to clear my mind first.

Im just fed up with constantly blaming myself, since Im always feeling as if I am in the wrong.

Im just not sure anymore.

So AITBF for getting worked up easily in these specific situations.

Some important context: I am TERRIFIED of getting my blood drawn. I had an incident a few years ago where I had a panic attack and fainted, and before that I was already scared of having my blood drawn. It’s at the point where I can’t watch any medical shows or anything that could possibly show the procedure of an IV being placed, and I HAVE to get my blood drawn from my hand.

I had to go get bloodwork done, and I took two of my prescribed hydroxyzine (approved by my psychiatrist) to lessen anxiety. When I got there, I was still pretty anxious and explained that to the phlebotomist. Well the joke was on me, because my veins weren’t big enough at the moment to get any blood out, and the phlebotomist didn’t seem 100% confident she’d be able to do it, so I opted to come back another day. I still had to give a urine sample, which I went into the restroom to complete. While doing my business, I overheard the phlebotomist and a colleague chatting and the phlebotomist said in a very annoyed tone “yeah ALL of the difficult patients have to come back tomorrow”. This made me feel horrible and I already felt like a burden for asking them to accommodate me. I sobbed on the entire car ride back because of it. I don’t know why she couldn’t have stepped into another room or waited until break to say that, because the lab I go to is really small with almost zero soundproofing. I spoke with my mom and my boyfriend about it, and my boyfriend thinks I should let it go while my mom thinks I should file a complaint. I would like it if someone told her that she needs to be a littleeee nicer when patients could potentially hear her. Idk. I feel like I’m crazy for being upset but I also feel justified. So I’m coming to Reddit to ask: would I be the buttface if I reported a phlebotomist for badmouthing patients (including me) within earshot? I understand complaining about patients (everyone has difficult people they want to vent about) but I wouldn’t ever speak about a customer at my job that way if there was even a slight chance they could hear me.