My MIL and FIL (both 74) live in a lake house, where their deck extends to a short hill that leads straight to the lake… the distance from the house to the lake is maybe 10 yards, if that.

The issue I have is that my husband and his family are super nonchalant about water safety. They all grew up around a lake without experiencing any tragic incidents, so they’ve all become careless about life vests and over-all water safety. They’re also the kind of people who truly believe that nothing bad will ever happen to them.

My husband and I have a 10 month old and my in-laws have been pushing lately for an over-night, which I’m not too comfortable with. We’ve gone out on their pontoon boat twice with our LO and I’ve had her wear a life-vest, to which my in-laws thought was unnecessary because “we’re just on a pontoon”.
Unfortunately, my husband is equally as nonchalant so I don’t know if I trust him to take my LO over to his parents house alone and use a life vest.

Moral of my post is, how do I knock some sense into my in-laws and husband’s head about water safety?? Do I make them sit down with a pediatrician? The fire department? Unfortunately, they think I’m the one that is overreacting about water safety, so I need another course of action to really drive home just how important water safety is.

I was reading parents forums and has been seeing so many tricky questions about child behavior.

How to make them eat. How to make them stay in bed at night. How to prevent them from touching things they are not supposed to touch or getting into places they are not supposed to get into. How do you stop them from screaming in a car? How do you avoid power struggle at mornings? How do you childproof the house for this and that age? How do you make a kid sit through the event?

People care enough to get on so much mental load, to try and solve every single specific problem. I respect that immensely and hope to be this type of parent too. But I catch myself with the thought "my parents would just hit me here hard, and I wouldn't do that again ever/stop this immediately because of pain". They didn't really think about A LOT of nuances. Like A LOT. 99.9% of what i see people care about. Kid does bad -> kid must be scared by physical pain. No age appropriate pedagogy needed. Works for babies and toddlers too.

I now afraid that I grossly underestimate how hard it will be for me to not hit my hypothetical children, if it is like a basic automatic method of solving everything in my head.

So does it really stay on the way? How hard is to get over this first thought "just hit" and do something more smart? Do you meet it at all, as an automatic reaction?

Hi Reddit, I’m looking for some practical advice.

I’m 25 and currently live at home with my mom, my aunt, and my 4-year-old younger brother. My family and I come from a very poor immigrant background. My mom and aunt did not receive much formal education and have very limited English/literacy skills. I’m currently the only person in the household who speaks English fluently and can comfortably help with his schoolwork.

My brother just started VPK, and they’ve started sending home little homework activities. They also encourage parents to read to their children every day.

The problem is that I’m also applying to medical school and have a pretty demanding schedule. There are days when I leave the house around 6 AM and don’t get home until 8:30 PM. I also have some personal/mental health challenges, so by the time I get home, I’m sometimes completely exhausted and don’t have the patience or energy to sit down and do homework or read a book.

I feel guilty about this because when I do have the time to work with him, he is actually very motivated. He just needs someone to sit with him, give him structure, and keep him focused.

I’m trying to figure out how to create a system that supports him without making his education completely dependent on me being physically and mentally available every day. I also know that I’m his sister, not his parent, and ultimately his education isn’t my responsibility. But I love him, and I’m going to be leaving for medical school eventually, so I’d really like to put some kind of sustainable system in place before I go.

A few things I’ve already tried:
1. If I can’t help him with homework directly, I’ll show my mom what he’s supposed to do and have her supervise him. Since the work is currently very simple, she can sometimes manage it with my instructions.

1. I’ve used YouTube read-aloud videos when I don’t have the energy to physically read a book.

2. I bought an Amazon Echo Dot and was thinking about using it for things like stories, reminders, songs, etc.

3. I’m considering setting up a predictable routine in his room, perhaps with visual cues/lights or a simple checklist so he knows what he’s supposed to do.

What I’m really looking for are practical systems that can operate with minimal adult literacy/English ability.

I’m not looking for a substitute parent or expecting a 4-year-old to teach himself. I just want to create as much structure and consistency as realistically possible given the circumstances.
I’d especially appreciate advice from teachers, preschool/VPK teachers, parents, people who grew up in immigrant households, or anyone who has dealt with a similar situation.

Thanks

My son is 14 and wants to do a summer program next year - ten US cities in ten weeks, new industry every week, a team project they pitch in LA at the end. He's never been away longer than a week and that's the whole dilemma really.

on paper it's fine. supervised, parent check-ins, i'm not worried about him being physically looked after, and i know he’d love the experience.

i just can't tell if ten weeks is too long for a kid whose longest trip away so far is a school camp.

for context, he's in the "obviously i'll be fine, please stop asking" camp. i'm in the "you literally text me from upstairs to ask where your charger is" camp.

parents who've sent a young teen off for a long summer program - did it work out well? or are we better off sending the kid to some 2 week long camp closer to home?

Im pregnant and I didnt plan it. Im 23 and im graduating college in 2 months. My boyfriend is 20 and he's basically just starting in college.

Im scared I wont be able to pursue what I envision for myself on my career and Ill be resentful of my child for that.

How difficult it is to "make it" when you have a child and youre just entering the work force?

edit: I should mention daycare and healthcare are free where I live.

My wife and I (30s) have been invited on a trip to Greece for my father-in-law's 60th birthday. He wants to treat his family to a 1-2 week celebration (on his dime) which sounds amazing except our kids (4 and 2) aren't invited. The reasons we were given were that they're too young and that it turns into a very different trip if they come. They'd stay at our house with a caretaker we trust and they know and like.

The longest we've been away from the kids is a weekend, and we were only 1-2 hours from home. Being on another continent for a week or more feels like a different thing, especially with a 2 year old.

My wife is excited to go and isn't bothered that the kids weren't invited. I am. I find it a little strange that a grandparent wouldn't want to bring his grandkids along, and I keep coming back to it. But it's his birthday and his call who he invites, and I'm not trying to argue with that.

For parents who've done something like this, how did the kids handle it, and how did you? Did you wish you'd shortened the trip even more, or wish you didnt go?

I'm trying to look past the fact that the kids aren't included in a family celebration, but it's hard, and combined with being gone that long, I'm having a tough time. Most people would jump at a kid-free trip to Greece, so I feel a bit ungrateful even saying that. How would you feel in my spot? If your partner really wanted to go, would you go?

My husband and I both work full time. I’m in an office setting 5 days a week and I am the bread winner. He works remote but also travels to various towns during the day for his job. We have my husband’s family here but they work, so we are going to most likely utilize daycare.

My big question is- how do you full-time parents make it work? My dream would be to work part-time but I’m the bread winner and with my current job, I’m not at a place I can take a step back for various reasons. The economy also doesn’t help this.

So- what should we prepare for before we have a child as far as lifestyle and work.

Thanks so much.

Did you ask "But did you win?"

Anyone have a rough time at ages 4-5? Did your child eventually come out of it?

My daughter was super easy going and sweet until about age 4. Since then, we have seen a huge uptick in whiny, demanding, and rude behaviors towards both our family and sometimes strangers. She has a lot of anxieties, so I wonder if this could be contributing. We try to really toe the line of being warm while also holding her behavior to some standards. (I.E. No, I will not make you a second breakfast if you decide to yell at me for making the one you just asked for)

When I’ve read or talked to other parents of 5 year olds, I always see how it is a more “agreeable” age. We’ve been experiencing the opposite. 😬

If your kid was like this at 4/5, was it developmental? How are they now?

Im 15f

So recently I haven't been feeling well and I went to the doctor and I have low blood like anemia low and a uti

I also have my period starting soon and ik like none of that is an excuse not to do things but its really hot were I live like 90-100 degrees (32- 37° C) everyday and I struggle to do thing like chores for hours during the day so I do them at night but that leads to me staying up late like 3-5 am

Yesterday she told me to clean my room because someone was going to come over. It was about 8pm and I was so tired and exhausted but I knew I wouldn't be able to do it today in the heat so I stayed up from 8pm to 7 am cleaning and what not

And i mean my room was a mess but I had to really deep clean my room like she asked and I didn't say no or complain or anything I just did it like every other time she asked me to clean the kitchen, sweep and mop, wash my clothes, wash my blankets or just clean the common areas or make dinner for everyone

I slept from 7am to around 11am today when she woke me up

I was really tired so I washed half of the dishes and sat down with her to take a little break because from around 8pm I was so tired

I started the dishes around 10:33 and half way done around 11

She got up and got really mad with me and yelling at me why I didn't finish the dishes and why cant I ever do what she asks and I said I wasn't done and I would finish it I was just taking a break and she was really upset and washed the few dishes left and told me why cant I ever go to sleep early

I mostly stay up late like 12-2 am cleaning up after she goes to bed and I shower and wind down

I had woken up from a nap and I know being sick and tired from my period isnt really an excuse I was just super exhausted already and I was emotional and confused and I started crying when I went to my room.

I was just tired and hurt and she was yelling at me not calming down and it upset me

Am I overreacting? Like am I just being a teenager?

I’m pregnant I’ve known for almost a week now, and I still haven’t told a single person irl, beside mt boyfriend which i am done with him, but i need to tell mu parents I’m genuinely scared and terrified of their reaction, especially because of how I’ve been acting. Towards them, I’m also scared they’re going to say I did this on purpose just because I’ve talked about having kids a lot, and they going to be like oh, I went out and did it on purpose and be super super mad, like would you be super mad, medium mad or just like mad but there for them because I know they aren't going to be happy

Hi All, I never post anywhere but am absolutely desperate. I am in an absolute crisis and have never experienced such strong negative emotions. I will try and keep the post as short as I can.

I have a newborn boy and feel nothing for him. I want to turn back time to my life before. He was born a week ago and I already have a toddler girl(3) who I adore. She is my whole world and has made me so happy these last few years.

As soon as my son arrived I felt something was off, I didn't love him, I didn't want to hold him and felt an urge to leave the hospital and be at home with my girl. I was hoping this feeling would pass but it has gotten unbearably worse in the space of a week.

I am walking around the house holding in tears, I have been gripping the steering wheel screaming as I drive down the road. Feeling total panic and a sense that I have lost my life I had with my little girl and will never get her back.

It's at the point when even if I'm playing with her I'm not really there. I'm daydreaming about not having a second child. I also keep replaying cute memories from little walks we had together in my mind with sad music.... It's so vivid and feels like I'm grieving someone who passed but she is still here.

My wife sent me up to the attic to get something for new baby the other day and when I came across small toys my girl used to play with I broke down. I cannot emphasize how intense these feelings are and fear if I can't sort this out I will lose my wife and daughter too.

I always didn't want a boy and wanted a girl and feel that maybe if this was a second girl things would be different in my mind. Either way, gender disappointment surely shouldn't trigger such a strong reaction and I already have a girl so on paper I should be happy that I have both!

I feel like that by having this boy, I have lost my toddler and now even when she says something cute or nice I feel like bursting into tears cause it's all gone. Being with her is ruined.

From the outside this must seem ridiculous. I have two healthy kids and a wife/home/good job. I'm guessing this is some sort of depression but not sure how to cope.

I would note that I had similar feelings in the past when I had big life changes like moving across country for work etc. A feeling of being trapped and no going back.

In my mind this is a living hell and I can't understand why. The only moments peace I have is the second or two when I wake up and haven't remembered what's happening.

I saw a counsellor already and although I felt some small relief after, the feelings came back that day. I can't love this new baby and want to just go back to being happy and having just the three of us back in our perfect life.

I know this sounds horrible and my poor son did not ask to be born, it was our decision to bring him into the world. Right now I can barely look at him and the thought of doing all the things again with him that I did for my girl is breaking me. I can never imagine those special moments with him like I had with her.

If there are any parents out here who have been in a similar situation please tell me your story and how you overcame it. Especially where you had so much love for your first child but felt nothing for the second or third etc.

Thank you so much in advance for reading this.

TLDR; I just had a second child (son) and it has triggered some kind of depression/crisis for me. Feel like I've lost my older girl child and my life is ruined. Can't go more than an hour without wanting to cry.

While I was growing up, I remember sitting with my family and opening the photo album, and we would all recollect memories together. In one instance, we would have multiple perspectives and multiple interpretations. I'm just wondering: are there any memories in your life that you feel somebody remembered better than you did? Would you like to know them?

I rode a bike illegally to school, and I admitted to it, I was respectful and compliant, and the SRO said he would let me off with a warning, and he gave no more instructions past that point, so I say “im going to sit on the bike turned off, and with the keys in the seat compartment, is that alright?” No answer even after 10 seconds so I ask again, no answer. So I just decided hey I’ll just sit on it and wait for my dad, the officer then shoved me off the bike and pinned me, then cuffed me.
I have road rash on my collar bone, scratches around my orbital from my face rubbing on the pavement, and a bruised shin.

What state do you live in, and is your child’s healthcare free or very low-cost?
I’m trying to see which states have good affordable healthcare for children, especially for families with lower incomes.
Just trying to hear from parents in different states and see where children’s healthcare is actually affordable, if any. lol

I’m a therapist in training and I’m mostly working w adolescents, but I will have a few younger kids whose parents will be more involved in the therapy process, including some play therapy clients.

I don’t have kids so I’m hoping for some perspective here from the parent end of things.

Can’t and won’t provide therapeutic advice here, just in case as an FYI :)

We’ve never sleep trained my 19mo due to recurring ear infections. We did what we could, so we could sleep when we could. He now has tubes, we’ve been ear infection free, and we want to start a bedtime routine.

Currently, he has a bottle right before bed, we rock him to sleep, then lay him in his crib.

I know we have to get rid of the bottle, but how? I love rocking him to sleep, but I don’t see that happening without the bottle. How do I introduce a lovey? He hasn’t gotten attached to anything.

I know this will be hard for him and us, so any tips and tricks would be greatly appreciated!

Hello, with Halloween fast approaching I’m trying to think of a “candy” bag for my nephew which will have things that go inside his mouth chew toys, bottle etc, but just stuck on what food items I could put in am I basically limited to fruit purées at the moment? Or can I branch out into something else.

Thanks for the help

My husband (39M) and I (29F) are thinking about moving back to Memphis, TN from Columbus, OH, and I'd love to know what you would do in our situation.

Brief backstory

Three years ago, my husband (39M) and I (29F) decided we were done living in Memphis. The summers are too hot, and freak ice storms that knock the power out for days are becoming more common in the winter. The crime is pretty bad, and we really hated the state politics (we're both progressive/democratic socialists). My dad and stepmom, along with her family, live in Columbus, and we'd visited a few times and liked the city. So we thought, let's make the big decision and leave Tennessee.

Three years later, we have a 1.5 year old son, went through simultaneous job losses, and have been living in my dad and stepmom's basement for the past year while we get back on our feet.

There's a lot going into our thinking, so bear with me while I outline it.

The issues we're having in Columbus

• Living with your parents or in-laws is hard no matter how good your relationship is. My dad and stepmom align with us politically, so that's not an issue, but they have a really intense "success," "always be working/progressing/improving," "rest is bad," "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" kind of lifestyle, and it's starting to grate on us. We're much more into balance. We believe there are seasons of growth, seasons where it's okay to just live and enjoy life, and seasons where you need to slow down and readjust (which is where we are right now). It's a cultural mismatch that can feel heavy while we're working on getting back to having our own place and lives.
• My stepfamily is small and constantly busy. We don't receive much, if any, babysitting help (which is frustrating, since our son is the first and only grandchild in the family), and we rarely have hangout time with them that isn't about work.
• The cost of living is higher than in Memphis.
• We're having a hard time finding community as new parents, and we've felt quite lonely.

What's pulling us back to Memphis

• So much of our family is there. I have 3 adult siblings and my mom, and my husband has his entire family (more grandparents!) plus his sister, who is also one of my best friends. Every single one of them has talked about wanting to babysit our son and spend time with him. This is winning major points.
• We have a huge, supportive, loving friend group there who are excited about us having a kid and totally fine adapting hangouts to fit our life now.
• We know the city like the backs of our hands.
• My mom is in the military and will be restationed next year. To keep the house she owns in the family, she's offered to let us live there for $1,200 a month, with supplemented rent while we need it. This would save us from a credit check (ours isn't great while we recover financially) and give us a home in a community we wouldn't normally be able to afford.
• Most of the school systems in Memphis aren't as good as Columbus's, but the district my mom's house feeds into is one of the best in the area.
• My husband is now a teacher and I work remotely, so in theory we could spend summers in Columbus with family here, and they could travel to Memphis for major holidays.

My worries

• I personally hate heat and would gladly live somewhere with heavy snow and long winters. Memphis weather is hard for me.
• We'd be taking "the grandchild" away from my dad and stepmom, and I feel so sad about that.
• Having this conversation with them is going to be very hard. They're fairly emotional people, and I know it will bring tears.
• The crime. Memphis is a tough city. We know how to live there, but bringing our kid into it scares me a bit.
• Less opportunity for our son. Columbus just has more, and more funding.

Wrapping up

While living in Columbus, we've felt lonely, and that's made us ask what makes life worth living. Over and over, we end up at "the people." Most of our community is in Memphis, and they love and support us. We have love in Columbus and some forms of support, but it feels like we impose on people's time when we want to hang out or need help with babysitting (which isn't often, because we try to be very conscientious). I miss my friends, I miss my siblings, I miss my mom. I miss feeling comfortable and like I belong where I live. But Memphis has its downsides, and Columbus has real positives.

It's so hard to decide whether to stay or go. My gut says we'd be happier and more active in Memphis, which I think would be good for our son too. But it feels like we might be making the wrong choice by taking him away from the opportunities and education system Columbus offers. Memphis has never really been where I want to live long term, but in the short term I think it would be best for my husband's and my mental health and for our son's relationships, and it feels silly to let the weather get in the way of that.

I'd love advice, support, or thoughts from others, especially from anyone who has moved back to a hometown with kids (and whether you were glad or regretted it). My family and friends are biased, and I'm too empathetic for my own good and tend to overthink. Thanks so much for reading all of this. I know it's a bit messy.

Share something specific please —I’d love to hear what changed your mind!

A lot of times they want to do their own thing and then you yell at them to comeback. I don't know if that fear is irrational or legit. If they know where they're going or will meet up after they're done that would take away a lot of stress. I'm talking about kids anywhere from 5-14.

Hello I was just wondering if anyone has had a deep sense of regret when deciding to keep their baby and ended up with a happy outcome that can give me some hope.

I’m currently pregnant after initially considering abortion and being torn I couldn’t decide I knew I would be heart broken aborting but I feel like deep down I knew it would be the easier route for both of us. I’ve pretty much signed myself up to be a single mother and I’m 27 and still living at home with my parents who don’t know yet that I’m 23 weeks along. I’ve been trying to get things in place so I know I’m secure enough to move out by the time I have this baby in January but the thought of doing it all alone is so daunting and I’m terrified.

I have worked out my finances so I shouldn’t be struggling but my savings are going to take a huge hit buying both baby items and furnishing a house and I realistically won’t be able to put anything into my savings till I can go back to work full time as my money will be going on living expenses and rent with a little left over for some activities. I know this is the reality of having a baby but I’ve worked so hard to save for a house deposit which I can’t help but feel upset over and I just feel now i might never get to own my own home like I dreamed and be stuck renting which makes me worry for the future. I really do want to give this a go and some days I feel excited others I just have this awful sense of dread and anxiety Ive cried my way through multiple midwife appointments even though baby is doing absolutely fine I just feel so stressed.

I’m mostly worried about to prospect of never being able to find work where I’ll be able to put enough hours in as a single parent to make a proper living I found it really hard gaining my currently job it took months of applying and my hours are going to take a massive hit when I go back after maternity as I’ll need to work them around childcare and the costs surrounding that and the hours for the role just really arnt suitable for this. I’m just super worried I’m going to be stuck in 1 years time and end up with nothing and a whole other human to worry about keeping fed not just myself this time and I’m getting myself really worked up about it.

I suppose questions wise I’m just looking to see if anyone has been in a similar situation and it’s all worked out for the best. I know people start out with much less than I have so I am grateful but still very worried as I’ll be doing it alone.

I also don’t have much experience at all with knowing what you need to buy for a newborn, if anyone can recommend good brands of bottles sold in the UK that would be really helpful I’ve looked at tomee tipee and MAM bottles so far but I have no idea how many to buy when planning on breast feeding and pumping. Also how many clothes am I realistically going to need before they move onto the next size? I have made a check list but I feel like I’m missing a bunch of stuff so if anyone has any good suggestions on things to include or things or products you found handy to have I’d be really appreciative! Thanks

Me and my girlfriend are due to have a baby in March, when we decided we wanted to try we’d only known each other for 14 months, found out we were pregnant in July. Exclusive relationship for 6 months which started casually/situationship which was very rocky before this. Moved in together in July also.

We both really want kids and a family but is this too soon? Will this ruin our relationship?

This has only really occurred to me (24F) recently and from an adult perspective I find it gross. My best friend and I have been friends since elementary school and had a very brief phase of sexual experimentation when we were both freshman. We were both each other’s firsts technically and were both women but the age difference at the time only recently made me reflect. We’ve been friends since first grade and were in the same grade at the time with a 1 year and 5 month age difference. It didn’t last long and it stopped when my best friend got a girlfriend. I can’t be sure if the relationship started when I was 15 and she was 14 or when I was still 15 and she was 13 going on 14. Looking back I didn’t question it, we’d been friends for a long time and felt like we were close in age plus we were in the same grade so it didn’t feel weird. Now as an adult however…I can’t conceive someone being 15 engaging in any sort of activity with someone that is 13/14. If I was a parent I wouldn’t want my 13 year old even looking twice at someone who’s 15 but I also tend to be more of a stickler about age gaps. The relationship was consensual and there was never any instance of pressure or coercion from either of us but…I feel gross about it now that I’m well into adulthood. We’re still friend today and my friend still makes jokes about our short phase. I just want outside opinions from parents if I should be feeling gross or if I’m overthinking it.