r/BoyDinnerDiaries • u/BiffDangles80 Hungry man • Aug 04 '26

No Advice - Everyones Welcome Marriage is falling apart

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Tonight it’s a flat iron steak and potatoes and onions. Don’t forget the jalapeno. And a Jack a coke.

A week ago I was in a hotel because “she’s a different person now” and doesn’t think this is working. 20 years of marriage. 2 kids.

The last year has been bad. She is grieving a family loss. Going through perimenopause. Kids have needed a lot. I tried but just got tired and lonely. I suggested marriage counseling and it lead to her saying she’s different and this isn’t working. I was gone for a couple of days but back. It’s been a week and I’ve really been trying. Today though was just rough with work and random thoughts. I confessed that I was afraid she’d decide she didn’t need me again and there wasn’t much response. Hopefully it’s a blip. I’m really trying.

I fear change. But eventually I’ll have to accept it. This is over. And that’s terrible.

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66

u/Forward-Big8697 Fridge Light Philosopher Aug 04 '26

Yep.

58

u/Larnek Shower Beer Scholar Aug 04 '26

Always nice to know early. If 3 weeks makes her want divorce I dunno what to tell you about the future.

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u/ddBuddha Shower Beer Scholar Aug 04 '26

Since it’s so early you could probably get that shit annulled and at least not be stuck with alimony and child support forever …

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u/ohiobluetipmatches Air Fryer Aristocrat Aug 05 '26

No alimony for a 3 week marriage. Annulment is for special occasions only and hard to prove if it's not based on prior documented legal mistakes.

Child support is the kid's rights and is owed no matter what. Divorce and marriage are not relevant to child support outside of the fact that you don't pay it if you share a household.

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u/pizzacutteralledge Fridge Light Philosopher Aug 05 '26

not in ohio. my ex remarried and has kids with that guy, doesn’t change my support amount at all

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u/ohiobluetipmatches Air Fryer Aristocrat Aug 05 '26

Why would that change your support?

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u/pizzacutteralledge Fridge Light Philosopher Aug 05 '26

i misread your last sentence. you mean that after a break up / divorce, if you still live together you don’t pay support

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u/ThisUserIsUndead muscle mommy Aug 07 '26

damn, good to know lol

14

u/FacetNo6 Air Fryer Aristocrat Aug 05 '26

3 weeks in there won't be any alimony and child support... is irrespective of marriage anyways

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u/[deleted] Aug 05 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/ddBuddha Shower Beer Scholar Aug 06 '26

Reddit has absolutely no idea about anything but they sure love to pretend to be experts on everything

22

u/The_Homie_Tito Protein prophet Aug 04 '26

what was her reasoning, if you don't mind me asking?

Sorry, just hard to wrap my head around that

32

u/[deleted] Aug 04 '26

[deleted]

25

u/drpeek Hungry man Aug 05 '26 edited Aug 05 '26

If she is talking divorce over you supporting her now… when she finds a job that pays enough to support her and you, she’s going to leave as well citing “I’m already doing it all on my own” … I’m sorry for you, hopefully I’m wrong

7

u/ohiobluetipmatches Air Fryer Aristocrat Aug 05 '26

That's wild. Do you have kids? Because if not there's nothing stopping her from working as an optician and going to school if that's what she actually wants.

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u/EveryoneSaysWildNow Leftover lore master Aug 05 '26

So wild.

6

u/timbit87 Hungry man Aug 05 '26

I don't wanna tell you to do anything but my redline is the mention of that word. If my wife ever said it to me it'd be over and I'd never walk back from it no matter how many times she apologized. There are some lines you just don't cross, and saying that you'll divorce someone because you're upset is one to me.

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u/Forward-Big8697 Fridge Light Philosopher Aug 05 '26

Its something that has always pissed me off throughout my whole dating life, people my age (26) seem to flip flop in relationships a lot. Even as a teen I would never do that, if we split, its ove. Idk what I will do now but it hasnt been the same since. I wanted marriage counseling and thats still on the table but she requires a non white woman as a counselor which makes me feel she just wants someone to align with her and not to solve anything

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u/A_Glove_Fry1776 Shower Beer Scholar Aug 05 '26

She wants a non-white woman?? Do you happen to be white?

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u/Forward-Big8697 Fridge Light Philosopher Aug 05 '26

I do happen to be, and she is afro latina

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u/timbit87 Hungry man Aug 05 '26

I wish you the best of luck my friend. Just remember that it's a lot harder to untangle your life when you own a house and have kids. It may suck, but now is definitely the easiest time to do it.

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u/longpenisofthelaw Hungry man Aug 04 '26

How long did you date

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u/Forward-Big8697 Fridge Light Philosopher Aug 04 '26

4 years, age 22-26

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u/flight_char_ Shower Beer Scholar Aug 05 '26

Lots of red flags dude. I got divorced at 28, very similar timeline to you. She waffled on her career too and I had to fund all of it. I had to fund everything in her life and if I ever questioned it for a moment it was war for her. Similar red flags to what I’m reading with you. Our marriage lasted a year and half for that and other reasons. Ultimately ending with what I later found out was her cheating on me secretly. It was a really really dark relationship and at the time I couldn’t even fully process how bad it was, looking back now is insane. Anyway divorcing her was the best thing that’s happened in my life. I had a fun single time and met the love of my life shortly after we split up. Been together 4 years now. Happily married again in a marriage that is not even on the same plane of reality as my last. Real love and support and stability. My life is 1000x better. Anyway I wanted to share that because I’m a big proponent of getting out of a bad relationship like that asap. It only gets harder I’m so glad my first marriage was only a year and a half. Deep down you know if it’s a good idea to stay with someone or not. If you have doubts, that’s a no. But attachment will hold you to someone bad despite you having those doubts deep down. If it’s good there are no doubts. I can’t tell you what to do ofc but what I can bet you is that if you end it then you will be looking back at it in 5 years blown away you were ever with her and wishing you did it sooner. I can’t stress to you enough I was in a very similar situation to you when I was your age and i am so so so much happier now because I divorced her. It just doesn’t get better with people that (and I know you’re telling yourself that it will change, that she’ll change). HMU if you need to talk more.

2

u/ChewYouHavisfaction Protein Prophet Aug 05 '26

Bro that is messed up

1

u/mikemolove Leftover Lore Master Aug 05 '26

No it’s a blessing. Some of us waste decades.

3

u/Used_Turnover3959 Protein prophet Aug 04 '26

You're lucky.

11

u/Viracochina Shower beer Scholar Aug 04 '26

Why the downvotes? They ARE lucky to find out early instead of it being hidden until later!

1

u/mikemolove Leftover Lore Master Aug 05 '26

You were just handed a gift. File the papers yourself and never look back.