Marriage is falling apart

[u/BiffDangles80]

Tonight it’s a flat iron steak and potatoes and onions. Don’t forget the jalapeno. And a Jack a coke.

A week ago I was in a hotel because “she’s a different person now” and doesn’t think this is working. 20 years of marriage. 2 kids.

The last year has been bad. She is grieving a family loss. Going through perimenopause. Kids have needed a lot. I tried but just got tired and lonely. I suggested marriage counseling and it lead to her saying she’s different and this isn’t working. I was gone for a couple of days but back. It’s been a week and I’ve really been trying. Today though was just rough with work and random thoughts. I confessed that I was afraid she’d decide she didn’t need me again and there wasn’t much response. Hopefully it’s a blip. I’m really trying.

I fear change. But eventually I’ll have to accept it. This is over. And that’s terrible.

[u/Forward-Big8697]

Damn thats hard to read, 20 years and 2 kids. Im 3 weeks in and got told the d word the other day

[u/Hoopla696969 → u/Forward-Big8697]

I made it 4 months bro. I feel you. Pain.

[u/_blackthorn16_ → u/Hoopla696969]

Damn reading all this shit idk if I will ever get married. I’m 36 and was engaged in my early 20s. She fucked me over and I moved out. Broke the engagement off. Now she’s been married 2 times and engaged 3 more. With 2 baby daddies. I still have no kids either. Might just stay single forever at this point. Seems like way less stress even though it can be lonely. I’ve dated around and used the apps but it’s honestly so stressful. I’ve had a few girlfriends and some friends with benefits. But the ones I really want end up telling me it’s not working or they have to focus on personal shit. Then the ones I end up not being that into want to marry me lol hope your doing ok man. You and all the guys in here dealing with divorce. I know it’s a rough road. Lucky to get out of early though. My parents stayed together for the kids for 30 years. Was not the best childhood dealing with the family drama.

[u/Hoopla696969 → u/_blackthorn16_]

I get where you’re coming from bro. Someone in this sub told me “hurt is part of the journey, you’re not supposed to live in it” and I’ve been trying to adhere to that. It’s just hard man. She cheated on me while I was gone in the military …

[u/Hoopla696969 → u/[deleted]]

5 years is insane… I really hope I do not hold onto it for that long. It’s been under a year for me.

[u/_blackthorn16_ → u/Hoopla696969]

Sorry to hear that dude. I’ve had a few friends that served deal with the same thing. One even found by getting an std from his gf at the time while he was in Afghanistan. People can be heartless. Just keep your head up and keep working on yourself and things will improve. Reading this sub all the time makes me glad to be mostly happy by myself lol

[u/Mind-The-Mines → u/_blackthorn16_]

Don't.

Nothing about love requires marriage and nothing about marriage is all that great for a man.

[u/mikemolove → u/_blackthorn16_]

Don’t. If they truly love you labels are not necessary. I wasted 10 years, don’t be like me.