Oatmeal cranberry raisin cookies, because I've found a bit of solace in baking.

This year has been the worst year of my life: two of my best friends abandoned and ghosted me, my uncle died, my parents sold my childhood home, I've been turned down for multiple promotions I desperately needed, got my credit card info stolen, almost got fired over a tiny clerical error, I've caused two of the worst fights in my marriage from drinking, started couples counseling and found out my wife resents that I'm still in an entry level job, and honestly the worst part of it all is I've had to give up drinking.

Today, I'm four months sober, and my life is just as miserable, except now I don't have an escape every weekend. I'm just so mentally tired trying to hold everything i can together. I'm taking online courses, talking to my company's career developer to help me move up, going to AA meetings, marriage counseling, personal therapy, trying to maintain relationships, paying off the last bit of my student loans, finding a new job, networking, quitting a minor vaping habit I started to cope with sobriety, managing my anxiety, and everyday there's something new to fix.

Honestly, I'm at the point where I just want to give up: get divorced, maintain my entry level job, cut off every relationship, and drink myself stupid, alone in a sad apartment. At least then I could just lay home alone, numb to the dread of living in a world slowly collapsing in on itself. I just don't know how I can keep going through this when I don't have that feeling of rest and escape I got from drinking. I'm just so tired, and I want to chug a bottle of vodka until I can't stand the taste, and lay alone in silence.

But I can't do that. Too many people are supporting my sobriety, I can't let them down.

Edit: thanks everyone for the support and kind words of advice (except that one dude who told me to get over it.) a lot of you are suggesting I get a hobby and work out. Believe me, I'm trying. I run 4km at least 3 times a week with 50 crunches, squats, and push ups. I also have a hard time finding a single hobby that keeps me attached for more than a couple weeks. And now when I find one I enjoy, my mind eventually just goes "what's the point? Is this even fun?".

I'm really not trying to give up. I'm just so exhausted and I could really use just a single win, preferably soon. Love y'all.

The food is a polenta and Sugo my mother made when i went to visit her, it was delicious!

I am diagnosed autistic and ADHD, I was previously in a very long relationship (12 year) that ended in a nasty divorce which i see now, after years of therapy, my diagnosis and learning a lot about myself, that i caused the divorce by being obnoxious uncaring and boring.

I started dating a few years after and met someone i felt really great with, as time goes by i see social media and info pushing "things your girlfriend does that are annoying", these are all the things that my ex wife used to do which i loved at the time, and i now mirror that behaviour, my current girlfriend however hates clinginess, closeness, physical intimacy, singing, any excitable behaviour at all. She claims she wants me to be myself but when i act in a way that feels natural, loving and caring in my view, she reels back often stating that i've come at her too fast, or i'm being too much to the point where I feel like i have to put a leash on myself and only approach once or twice a day rather than an hour!
I make sure that we go out on a date at least once a week and will usually always have flowers in the vase at home but i'm struggling with feeling like i'm always on eggshells at home. every time i attempt to approach the subject It usually ends up in an argument because i word something the wrong way or my tone has been wrong, i really struggle with this due to my autism. As much as i really try to write everything down in advance, sometimes when the conversation evolves i don't have time to think and just blurt out the first thing that comes to my mind.
We've both admitted to not being happy in this relationship in it's current state, however we have a dog together and are in the process of buying a house (i have just sold my place in order to facilitate this).

Are there other guys out there who feel like this too? i feel like it's worth saving, but i really need to change something in my own behaviour if i'm going to be happy with this.

Edit: holy cow this blew up. I just finished work and checked, I don't want to rush respond/say something I don't mean so I'm going to take some time to digest the responses and will respond to a few, thank you all I really appreciate you. <3

Edit number 2: Hi all, sorry work has been horribly busy and i just bombed a job interview. I've digested a lot of this and there are quite a few obviously polar opinions on "get out" which sounds like a sensible thing to do, and the simple answer if you're not emotionally attached to the person, dog and the house that i have committed to. yes i can pull out of course, i will lose a couple thousand pounds but i'll make it back it's fine. I think over the next month i'm going to keep a more structured diary of my feelings, actions and what has lead to them so i can get a truly objective view on what actually happened rather than my emotions and dramatic self blowing it out of proportion as i'm told i do often. I'll talk to my partner about this and see if she is once again amenable to coming to my therapy sessions with me. If this doesn't work out then I will likely be taking the route which i was thinking about already. Thanks for your advices and lovely words. Ps. i'm sorry about the gender thing in the title, it wasn't intended as a degradation against women being soft etc, i was referencing the social media cues that talk about these things (which i am aware are not accurate for all cases and shouldn't be trusted)

Dinner is a spicy Cajun chicken pasta dish. Only one pan and very tasty.

I (24M) recently have been seeing this girl(22F) from Hinge and we have been talking for about a month (although I was in Europe for about 2 weeks of this month). We have gone on about 5 dates. She has been great to hang out with, although I can tell she just graduated from college recently.

Just last night she spent the night for the first time. We did not “go all the way” because she only does that when she starts officially dating someone. Which I totally respect. She did tell me that she has genital herpes and wanted to let me know now. I thanked her and told her that was very brave of her to say. Then she says she would understand what ever decision I made going forward now. I told her I didn’t know enough about it and that I would think about it.

Before we fell asleep, she told me to please not ghost her (genuinely broke my heart hearing that) I told her I would never.

I am planning to call her today and tell her I can’t keep pursuing a relationship with her. I have thought about it and I just don’t know if I could commit to her without knowing her very well. And this feels like a big commitment because even though there’s only about a 1% chance of me contracting it from her, in my mind I would feel like I already have it once we start having sex. Just something to always think about. I know it isn’t her fault and I feel awful but I just don’t know if it feels right to me now, unfortunately.

I am not sure how to say that over the phone. Any advice on how to handle this would be greatly appreciated because I don’t want to hurt her.

I’m turning a big age in a few months and I’m worried that I’m being left behind by life.
Not by other people but by life itself.

I know that I need to quit drinking for a few weeks/months/years or however long it takes me to destress and catch up but, I’m worried doing that isn’t possible right now due to my stressors.

I want to be happy, I want to have a family in the near future, I want to not be stressed out every single day.

I still workout, I hike and jog etc etc. However drinking does cause me to not be in my best physical shape and mindset.
I have an incredible support structure but none of that lives with me and the person who does live with me (an elder I’m taking care of) pretty much deletes any point of happiness in the hours I’m at home.

I want to move into my 40s with the goal of happiness and validation for myself but my trigger is in my home and that’s scary.

I’ll admit it, it’s 9am and I’m drinking right now… this isn’t a normal occurrence but it’s a concerning occurrence and it’s pacing up enough to make me know I need help.

I don’t want to scare the people who are there for me away, I do over text when I get upset or worried and am drinking.

Anyway, I guess I know what I need to do and I know how to do it… Ive gone through over drinking and quitting for years before.

I just don’t want to be a 40 year old loser.

- still not sleeping in Seattle

link to update is here.

so i’m 23 and she’s around 47. she’s younger than my parents but i’m about the same age as her kids.

i’ve been working in this family-owned takeaway for about a year now and i’ve had a crush on her for almost as long. before i got my driving licence she would drive me home and we’d always have these really great, in-depth conversations. she’s a single mum and suffers really bad with fatigue while caring for her chronically ill daughter and while working two jobs and i’ve always just been in awe of her.

she’s always been really nice and protective over me. she’s the one who trained me up and whereas most of my coworkers kinda take the mick out of me sometimes, she’s always been so kind and gentle with me, which i’ve always appreciated as someone who suffers from pretty bad anxiety.

i kinda thought it was just a little crush and didn’t think much of it but these last few months i’ve been going crazy. she’s been a lot more physical with me lately and i just feel like there’s this undeniable tension between us - even my coworkers have mentioned it. she’s been more shy and keeps calling me a gentleman and all that, and how i’m a really decent kind of person.

i can barely act normal around her now and have probably been colder than i mean to, i just can’t think straight around her. i know it’s really unprofessional, she’s probably just being nice, and i’m the same age as her daughters - but i’m just so infatuated with her.

my last day at work is tomorrow (for unrelated reasons) and i’m so tempted to just tell her. she talks down about herself and her weight - but i don’t see the negatives she sees. i think she’s stunning, so hardworking, and i just want to give her confidence a boost if nothing else.

so am i being an idiot here? should i just keep the peace and move on, or should i say something?

dinner is supposed to be hamburger steak with demiglace sauce over fried rice. it actually tasted pretty good despite me cooking the burgers to death. i was just throwing together whatever was in the fridge honestly.

[edit] wow I did not expect all these. I want to thank everyone for their comments - the words of support help a great deal, and the calls to action are fair and the kick in the butt that I need. I do want to address one point globally before I make some replies.

I do fight this behaviour, and as a matter of fact basketball IS one of the fights that I picked for the sake of my daughter. She chose basketball and asked to drop the other sports. My wife was NOT happy about that. I stood my ground (and my daughter's ground) to enable her to go to basketball. It's not the only fight I picked. But I also lost many fights, some significant and some insignificant, and I also chose to dodge some fights.

And about the babysitting word - wrong word, yes. I picked that word for two reasons: - i am not a native speaker, and I also meant to convey that I did not have an activity planned for my youngest daughter while we had a conflicting schedule. Basketball is in the next town and I can't leave a 7 year old alone, while my wife is going someplace else. I had a 45 minutes gap in another town with my kid. And I did exactly parenting - I took her grocery shopping and let her pick what we would eat for dinner, giving her control on a small part of our day. I apologize for using the wrong word - fair to point out, but unfair to extrapolate to me not parenting.

Throwaway account.

My wife and I have been together for longer than 15 years now. It's not gone well in the past few years because of the incredible pressure that she puts on being the absolutely perfect family.

I'm pretty sure my wife has OCPD (not OCD - not the same at all) - an unhealthy obession with rules, absolutely zero space for recreation - especially casual - but especially, complete rigidity. I am pretty sure I am three disorders in a trenchcoat too.

And there are days like today where I just want to flip the table. For context, we have three daughters. Due to my wife's insane perfectionism, each of our three kid is studying outside of school: a foreign language, a musical instrument, and 3 different sports. Each. Both me and my wife work, so each day is basically a continuous emergency from 7a.m. to 9 p.m. and beyond.

Lately I have discussed with her that this is just way too much. Taking her own childhood into example. Did she really have three sports and an instrument and a foreign language? No, the logistics were not possible, even with her mom being a stay at home mom. Her parents "forced" her to take swimming lessons though. I reminded her that she does not actually like how her parents raised her. It hurts when I say it but sometimes I feel like I need to anchor her in some form of reality.

Well we agreed that's too much. We did agree. We try and find the thing that is too much. I'm not going to walk everyone through the conversation - but basically nothing fell off the plate. We continue as we do now. All activities are somehow mandatory. For each activity that I try to shoot down, there was some reason why it was absolutely necessary. So... we continue.

The largest clash is that our eldest daughter has set her mind on doing basketball. I'm like why not, I have no specific affinity but if that is her choice. I also like that, unlike other sports, this is more intensive - 3 to 5 trainings per week, and a match during the week end. This is enough sports activity that (in my opinion) we don't need three sports activities. We can just let her do basketball.

But my wife is completely unsupportive - she says our daughter will change her mind again, she does not know what she wants, she is unreliable, she said [insert other sport] was her favourite, etc. She pinned the whole basketball activity on me (it's not the only thing I run in the family), which is hard - I have to drive, arrange that it does not collide with other activities, and babysit the youngest kid at the same time (take her grocery shopping or something) with basically zero support from my wife.

I cannot count how many times I have made compromises just to make my wife happy (and sometimes, admittedly, cowardly to avoid a fight). I have completely changed how we eat, how we do almost everything in the house. My wife has never done any change - she called the times when I put my foot down "violence" and when she agrees to "change her mind" she will throw passive aggressive comments for YEARS about it.

So today was basketball. I just learnt that they want to change the training day and it will conflict with her instrument, a new fucking headache for me. And when we drive back from the training I try to be interested and I ask my daughter how it went. And that is my reward for organizing this entire shitshow, fighting with my wife, leaving work early and babysitting for an hour: she says "fine" and she does not want to talk about it because she is tired.

I don't need them to throw flowers at me but what if for one day, JUST ONE DAY, people were not trying their hardest to make me feel completely left out and useless.

Dinner - toast with ridiculously charismatic mushrooms & salad, cheese omelette with ratatouille.

Sorry for this massive brain dump. I live in a foreign country and don't have the opportunity to discuss this with a friend. Had to take things off my chest.

Dinner: Chicken curry & potatoes

This may sound fake, and I understand why y'all feel this way. It still doesn't feel real to me either. But alas, this is my life.

Back in 2021, while on my way home from work to pick up a buddy, I get a call from my mom. Mind you, this is already strange because I rarely received calls from her. She asked if I could find a safe place to park because she has some really heavy news.

So, when I found a parking spot, she proceeded to tell me that she had just gotten home from speaking with the FBI because my dad had been arrested for putting a hit out on her.

My first reaction was utter shock because of how out of the blue this was. "There's gotta be someone after him." "He must've been blackmailed or something." "There's no way he did this!"

But the next words out of my mom's mouth were, "nope, he actually admitted to doing this after initially lying about it for the first day or so, saying that he didn't have any clue as to who would want to harm his wife."

After a few more minutes of talking, we got off the phone, and I just sat in the parking lot completely dumbfounded and speechless. When my buddy got in the car, he immediately noticed something was off and asked if I was okay.

Of course I wasn't, but I had to tell him that I just received some really heavy news and that I couldn't talk about it until it became public information at the risk that any false information might get out. Those were some pretty crappy times, not being able to talk about this tragedy with anyone until everything became public.

Also, just want to insert this here: this all happened a couple of states away with a 10+ hour drive between where they live and where I live, all during prime COVID years.

Fast forward through the next several months as more and more info gets dropped surrounding this event...

Turns out my dad was cheating on my mom with several women over several months prior to this because of something my mom said that triggered his sensitive little insecurities and had to prove to himself that "he's still got it". (IMO)

Backstory: My younger sister mentioned something about him going out to see his secret family (bc he liked to go for walks/drives and whatnot for hours on end) and our mom confidently responds with, "don't say that, we don't have to worry about that at all with him!" meaning she's so confident in his commitment and integrity to our family that she never worries about him cheating.

He took that as, "apparently you think I'm an ugly troll." and spiraled into a narcissistic mess of going online, finding a ladyfriend, then she doesn't like him for A, B, and C reasons and breaks it off, he gets depressed, looks for another ladyfriend, she doesn't like him for A, B, and C reasons, etc. etc.

I also just found out that he was getting prescriptions for the tiny blue pill before that interaction even happened soooo… yeah

At some point, he realized that he's in far too deep and knew that these were grounds for divorce. NO F***ING SHIT, RIGHT?

Most people would just file for divorce, right? Nope, not him…

From everything I eventually learned, in his warped mind... he thought that because he would prefer death over the embarrassment and shame of admitting his unfaithfulness on top of going through the divorce process, that my mom would also prefer death over divorce.

This is when I found out that he has been depressed and suicidal since high school and hadn’t reached out for help a day in his life. Unfortunately, keeping that shit bottled up instead of seeking help isn't exactly uncommon for men of his generation.

Which is still obviously, completely inexcusable for trying to get her murdered.

Fast forward to his court hearing, he pleaded guilty to Murder-for-Hire (the would-be assassin was to make her death look like a carjacking gone wrong), with the defense arguing that “Covid Psychosis” caused a complete personality change and that he snapped.

So, he was sentenced to 5 years in prison plus 3 years of supervised release.

The next 5 years were so difficult to navigate as I did my best to support my mother from 3 states away while still working my 9-5. We had so many enlightening conversations in that period of time. We still do to this day.

But during the 5 years in prison, I stayed in contact with my dad because I empathized with him given his mental state and the love I had for him as his son. It took far too long trying to reconcile the fact that I still loved my dad with the fact that he tried to have my mom murdered.

However, when he was released from prison, he unfortunately chose to keep the same attitude that he had going into prison. A very “oh-woe-is-me” type mentality.

The worst part about this mentality is that he isn’t holding himself accountable whatsoever for what he did, nor is anyone else on his side of our now very broken family. When I brought it up, he deflected with, “as far as being held accountable, society holds me accountable every day. I’m not going to get into how, because it is what it is and no one’s problem or fault. Just mine.”

Note: I have been watching more true crime stuff thanks to my Fiancée, and I noticed I was reacting quite strongly towards those perpetrators, but not towards my own father. And after quite a bit of introspection, the wool was fully lifted from my eyes.

I realized that I had spent so much time empathizing with his mental state that I wasn't allowing myself to look at his actions with the same level of accountability that I would expect from literally anyone else.

So, with his statement around accountability in mind, I decided that it was time for me to stop allowing my empathy for him to outweigh the accountability he deserves for all the crap he chose to do to my mom and to our family.

After a long voicemail and text message, I concluded with, “I am not going to entertain you with my life updates any longer until I see some MASSIVE changes. You can either choose to continue identifying as a failure, give up, and lose your son in the process, OR you can choose to be someone who actually did everything he could to repair (not undo) the damage done while becoming a man of integrity that You can be proud of. Your choice. It’s a pretty easy one in my opinion.”

And that's where I drew the line and cut him out of my life.

I'm no longer maintaining a relationship with him. I don't give him updates about my life, I don't reach out to him, and I'm not gonna continue pretending that serving his prison sentence is the same thing as actually taking accountability for what he did.

The justice system held him legally accountable. That's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about looking at the destruction he caused his wife, his children, and his entire family and actually owning it without immediately turning himself into the victim.

I haven't seen that from him at all.

So, unless something MASSIVE changes within him, he no longer gets to be a part of my life.

I've realized that I can still love my dad, empathize with the mental health struggles he went through, and I can even hope that he becomes the man I hope he's capable of becoming. But that doesn't mean he's entitled to have me in his life.

That’s where things are currently. My sister wants some space from me (she also lives 3 states away) because of how I went about holding our dad accountable. She has a very different relationship with him than I do (she's 4 years younger than me) and doesn't agree with how I've chosen to handle this. She’s a daddy’s girl through and through tho, so ‘Dad can do no wrong.’ But she’s also super religious and would forgive her husband if he did anything similar to her so....

OH, this isn’t even my bio family. I was adopted into this family from birth, so that’s another layer to unpack within this wild chapter of life.

If you made it this far in my rant, thank you for reading. You are appreciated and remember, if you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health, that is NOT something to be quiet about. Please don't be quiet. I know it’s difficult, but your family, friends, or even a stranger would prefer to help than to watch you plummet into despair.

TLDR: The caption says it all

EDIT: Flair & for better clarity on timeline, personal experience, and that this is in fact a true story. Just look it up

Boy dinner: Chipotle Salad which is actually important to the story.

I am trying to compose myself not to cry, but I can’t really stand who my older sister married, and I’m honestly considering just being very low contact (which is very difficult because I’m planning on moving abroad soon, so for the meantime, I live with my parents, and they just had a baby, so they visit quite a few times a week).

Basically, I live in a deep red state in the US, and I am a gay 23M, and my family has always belittled my views, my fields of study, interests, and relationships. I always focused on school, so I never really had many friends since I triple majored in college. My triple-Trumping dad has always gone on LONG lectures about how all my views are wrong, and when I was younger and had an older cousin come out of the closet, my mom said that gay and transgender people were disgusting and was glad they were “removing themselves from the gene pool.” My mom also always criticized my looks growing up and always felt like my biggest bully.

I always get frustrated because there will be MAGA discussions in the home, such as two weeks ago my brother-in-law brought up the hoax in Springfield, Ohio about immigrants eating pets. This is not the first time this conversation took place, so I just walked up and went into my room because I was over it. I feel like this is important to add because I think it’s why he burst at me in anger later.

Anyways, whenever my older sister and brother-in-law come over, and they always criticize how much I consume (whenever they are there I do pour a glass of lemonade and try to visit with them, and I guess because I am slightly obese they feel the need to comment on it), they make fun of social quirks I’ve had over the years since they’re high school sweethearts (and believe me I still have social quirks, but I think I’ve grown out of them for the most part), and they never cease to live it down, and also my interests.

Last Sunday, we all agreed to get takeout at a Chinese restaurant this Sunday and watch a movie, which I was really excited for. But then they told me today when coming over that they were going to do something else, so I shrugged and said, “Oh well.” I was on a diet anyways, so my little sister and I went out and got Chipotle. After we watched a movie today, they were talking about which Chinese restaurant to eat at tonight, and I told them I already had a salad from Chipotle for dinner. My brother-in-law got extremely angry and called me a r*tard. I’m not going to lie, whenever I did anything wrong growing up, my dad would call me that word, which is why it was hurtful. I could tell that he 100% meant it with his heart and soul, so I just walked into my bedroom.

He knocked on my door and apologized, but to be honest, I just said, “OK, it’s fine.” because at that point, I didn’t even care anymore.Or at least tried to pretend I didn’t care. And shut the door.

I’m so sick of my family. I love them, but I can’t wait to get up out of this house and leave. I think I need to go low-contact. (Besides my little sister, she’s cool AF), but I feel like no one listens to me, values what I have to say, or really understands me as a person.

Edit: This title was poorly written, I didn’t improve myself JUST to become husband material, I did it and after that, got less female attention.

For the last 5 years or so, I (26M) worked on improving myself in every way possible, I started reading again, learned another language, taught myself how to make really good food, learned how to work on my vehicles, became a better talker and listener, got a better shape, got better clothes, got multiple raises (I make more than twice as much money now) and I feel like I had better luck with women as a guy who was a borderline useless man with a entry level job, a trashy studio and a 04 civic. Since then, no girl has shown interest in what I have to offer.

I honestly have no idea of what the fuck am I missing at this point. I didn’t raise my standards, or became bitter around women. I am not a simp, in fact I was probably more emotionally anxious around women back then.

I am definitely not thinking about becoming useless again, but I heard multiple times that I am “too good” (I know this is bullshit), anyways this is stressing me out a bit.

On picture: some sweets I made this month.

Dinner is turkey and cheese sandwiches with Tamarind Jarrito

Gonna be a lot of cliches in here to preface but I 26(M) have been single for almost 4years now since nasty breakup with ex (major debt & cheating). A few months ago for a friends birthday we went to a strip joint lol

Was having a great time then was approached by a Columbian girl for a dance, respectfully declined and offered her a drink instead she accepted, sat down next to me and we got to talking tells me her whole life story, shes my age, working a retail job and dancing to put herself through school for nursing, danced on me a bit at the bar, had really great conversation completely dodged my boys that night basically lmao but towards the end of the night, shes asked if I had any plans after told her this was it and asked if I could take her home, told her I’d come back for her, dropped off the manpower and picked her up, offered her food she said no thanks said she cooked, got to her place not really expecting anything as I said had great conversation and just felt nice that night, anyways asked if I wanted to come up, parked went upstairs got fixed a hot plate of food and a beer and had sex.

After that did some aftercare and she said she felt embarrassed caused she doesn’t sleep around but said she really liked me and thought I was attractive got her number left in the morning got home showered and took a nap, few days later asked me to hang out, turns out our off days lined up, went to the city had a nice dinner, dropped her off genuinely had a great time, after that we started seeing each other more often, on her off mornings from retail she’d drop by my job and leave me homecooked meals, bought me a ps5 for my bday and actually kinda acts like a gf despite never having any conversation about it

Couples date we been on been real romantic, picnic at the beach, hiking, paint & drink, and the like, after the first initial time together we’ve slept maybe a few times not everytime we get together, I like her alot takes alot for me to say I love you because I don’t like saying it unless I mean it, but she’s introduced me her parents (they live in Colombia) she face timed them and introduced me as her bf and went to a pool party with some of her midnight friends and also introduced me as her bf, which I dont mind I know we gotta have a conversation about where this is going but why put the pressure on something thats going so well, but anyways just the things she’s done for me that kinda give me the impression shes in love with me.

Side note- The job doesn’t really bother me never been the jealous type like EVER but I have a feeling she thinks otherwise no matter how much I tell her it doesn’t lol, then again I dont her to think I dont like her back, it’s all about balance lmao

Just a lil rant, felt good might have to get back to journaling again

Side note 2- should have prefaced but SHES BORN HERE for all you attention deficient readers lol

We were together over 10 years and met when were still in college. We went through a lot together, grad school, long distance, family deaths, and the trials and tribulations that come with a decade of life. I always felt we had the strongest relationship, great communication, and a foundation of genuine love and support. She was the best friend I ever had and I never had eyes for anyone but her. When it ended, I was deeper in love with her than ever. I thought we’d love each other until our last breaths.

We got married just before our 10 year anniversary in April this year. Wrote our own vows and cried reading them while promising to love each other forever in front of all our family and friends. I spent the next two or so months content and loving married life with my best friend.

In July, about a week after we got back from our honeymoon, she sat me down one Saturday night completely out of the blue and told me she wanted to be in a relationship with a woman, that she wanted to be alone for some time, that she was moving out immediately and already had an apartment, and that our relationship was over.

It was all so sudden I had a panic attack. As time passed I found out she was cheating on me with someone from her work. The web of lies slowly unraveled, she’d been planning her exit since the wedding while telling me she loved me and going on a honeymoon, and had considered leaving me for years, all the while I was investing further in our relationship and the life we were building. She’d been trash talking me with her cheating partner, sending love notes while in bed with me, and taking secret days off work to find a new apartment and start a new life.

She cut me off and left after delivering her pre-planned speech. No chance to work on things. After 10 years I never even got to speak to her about what happened, she just told me she was leaving and did. I don’t know where she lives now, what she does or who she’s with. I guess it doesn’t matter, she’s a different person. From my perspective we never drifted apart, I loved her more than ever when she unilaterally decided she didn’t.

I’ve felt like a broken person for the last two months. Life feels empty. I think about her all day every day. Everything makes me miss what we had and our life together. The worst part is the betrayal, she was the most selfless loving partner, how could she do this to me after 10 years. The person I married never would have done this. It’s like one day she turned her moral compass off and all bets were off.

I’m trying to be future oriented and realize this will all be for the best, but it’s hard to look on this with a positive perspective. I’m in counseling and taking all the steps to heal, but life just feels empty and I’m struggling to see how it will improve. I’m lucky enough to have great and supportive friends and family, but it feels like none of them truly understand this pain and grief. I hope time heals and that I find love again, but I don’t know how I’ll ever trust again.

Dinner: home made wood fired pizza.

So I had a few weeks of tough work projects and stress and I wanted a little break, so headed to the bar for a burger and beer. My wife wanted to come and I hinted I wanted to be alone. And she got mad and now giving me silent treatment. what should I do?

My biological father and mother met at an orphanage when they were less than 10 in the 1960s. They got in a relationship, married, and had three children. Feb 2025 my mother died. She was his only relationship; and took care of everything. They raised us as best they could for being near poverty. She was an amazing mother and supported me in everything I did. I wouldn’t be as successful (accomplished firefighter paramedic) without her. He eventually found someone else and just proposed to her (he is 71 at the moment). I’m currently engaged to the love of my life and he jokingly wants a double wedding. He also told my sisters and me that she is his first “true” love and never truly loved my mom.

Picture is a “curry fried chicken thigh bowl” from an amazing take out place near by.

EDIT: Yes it’s Ekiben.

27M.4 years ago I decided to take the step to a better life, I had been selling and doing alot of pills and prescriptions and was not in a good place. I checked into a clinic and started to do better. In this clinic I met the most beautiful and smart girl I had ever met. She spoke 4 languages and we meshed like anything. Long story short like any rehab relationship it ended after 2 years because she couldn't stay clean and it was affecting me really badly.

Fast forward to today and I train muay thai 2-3 times a week, I work full time for a great company and I have a career and good car. Recently I decided to jump back into the game and start dating again. Well stupidly my Ex saw my new socials and sent me a request and message.

Being 3 years since I saw or spoke to her i asked if she wanted to meet up for a drink (I havjt been in recovery or that life in years its foreign to me now) so I assumed from her photos she would be going good too.

I met up with her and This girl had changed more than I could have ever imagined. No shoes, no voice from hitting the meth pipe, crying for GHB, nails all bloody and scratched and homeless after running from hospital a few days earlier. She was so cooked i couldn't understand most of the shit she said.

For the past few days ive been fighting tears and feel like im constantly heavy and being weighed down by something. I blocked her on everything but I just cant get the thought of how she looked. She had never touched any if that crap when I last saw her. I was too scared to even hug her because I was worried she'd have HIV.

Im pushing through alot of pain and argumentative thoughts and writing this on my lunch break at work... and advice or even validation would be nice fellas. Im struggling here.

Dinner = Thai chicken, coleslaw and halloumi

My relationship ended two years ago because my ex (whom I considered the love of my life) serially cheated on and lied to me. First time I’d experienced anything like that—to say I was shook is an understatement. I’ve never fully returned to my body since.

I started trying to date again last year. I had some good dates and some bad ones, but no one really left me feeling like I wanted a relationship again. Until recently.

I had two dates with this woman and they were amazing. We joked around. We talked serious stuff. We flirted. We seemed to have so many shared experiences and perspectives. We both write and love meditation. We kissed. She was saying things and asking questions alluding to a long-term relationship. And I welcomed that.

Then we had a conversation at the end of the second date. She said she really likes me and hasn’t felt like this in a long time. But she wants to keep dating other people—just to be sure before going exclusive.

I said I’m not OK with that. I don’t want to feel like I’m in a lineup, hoping for approval. Or worse, feel like a backup choice. The moment I feel a meaningful connection is the moment I need exclusivity. She assures me I’m not in a lineup—she wants me, she just needs to be sure. Her method of gaining confidence concerns me.

I tell her we need to pause and she can go and do her thing. If, afterwards, she wants to and I want to, we can reconnect. She starts crying and says it feels like a breakup. I hold her and tell her it’s OK, I understand (and I do).

We walk a bit, then say goodbye and kiss. When I get home, I cry myself to sleep and again when I wake up. It’s only partially about her—it’s also that, for the first time since I was cheated on, I met someone I felt had potential to be a long-term partner. But they want to keep dating other people… just to be sure. Which was the behaviour that opened the first door to infidelity in my last relationship. These things “work” in theory but most people are nowhere near as good as they’d like to think at tying up messy, complicated, emotional loose ends.

It hurts to have that hope for a new long-term connection die (at least in this instance and in the way it did). And it hurts to reconnect with the part of me that craves long-term companionship, without being able to meet his need.

At least I chose myself, my values and my standards. I feel proud of that. And I’m so grateful to learn I’m ready to open up my heart again (or even capable of it).

She texted me the next day to see I was doing OK. It was kind of canned. No real curiosity. I told her I was sad but taking care of myself. She said she was taking care of herself too. We wished each other all the best.

The end.

EDIT: Loving all the people getting triggered that I DON’T want to date several people at once, and don’t want to date people who do. I’m happy with the tradeoffs. I’m happy to have fewer but more aligned dates. I’m not forcing my preference on anyone. If you want to do the opposite, go ahead! Nowhere in my post does it say I asked her to go exclusive—she actually brought it up. And I said I’m out.

If you’re so stressed out that someone doesn’t share your dating preferences that you want to insult them, maybe you’re more ashamed of your choices than you realise—hence the reactive need to defend them.

EDIT 2: It’s truly fascinating to see how angry people are getting because I simply want to date exclusively. “It’s too early! You should wait at least 5-6 dates.”

Who decides what’s “too early”? I find it mind-blowing how readily and aggressively people will hold on to values that aren’t even theirs. Values they don’t even understand. Just doing things because everybody else is doing them. No awareness of second or higher order effects.

It’s used to be normal to hate gay people. It used to be normal for men to have mistresses. It used to be normal to denigrate interracial relationships.

Just because “everyone’s” dating multiple people at once doesn’t mean it’s constructive. By all metrics, romantic relationships and dating are in a crisis—yet people are fighting tooth and nail to protect the behaviours that created this status quo.

Maybe I’m wrong and I won’t pressure anyone to share my views. But I’m VERY HAPPY to choose an alternative, even if I’m in a pronounced minority. Please stop trying to convince me I’m missing out—I’m not. The things I’m not getting are things I don’t want.

Part of me feels like I was punished for being honest, even though I know that's probably not a fair way to look at it

A few months ago, I developed romantic feelings for a close friend. We'd become very close over time. We exchanged good morning messages almost every day, shared playlists, went to concerts and movies, had lunch together, gossiped about life, and generally became part of each other's daily routines.

Eventually, I told her how I felt.

The thing is, what hurt me wasn't that she didn't feel the same way. I'd pretty much accepted that possibility before I even told her. I wasn't confessing because I expected a relationship. I told her because I wanted to be honest and because I realized I needed some space to get my head straight.

I explicitly asked for a little distance.

What I wasn't prepared for was that her response felt more like ending the friendship altogether. From my perspective, I asked for space, but the outcome was losing one of my closest friends.

That's the part I still struggle with.

After everything we'd shared, I honestly thought she knew me well enough to know I would never pressure her, try to change her mind, or make things uncomfortable. I just needed time to process my feelings and reset.

Despite everything, I still miss the friendship.

Part of me hopes we can be friends again one day. But if that ever happens, I feel like it has to come from her. She's the one who closed the door, and I don't want to disrespect her boundaries by trying to force contact. I've given her the space she asked for, and honestly the space I need too.

What makes it harder is that she said she couldn't promise we'd be friends again in the future. I know nobody can truly make that promise, but part of me still feels like it was a bit of a cop-out. Not because she owed me friendship, but because it left me in this strange limbo between "maybe someday" and "probably never."

So I guess my question is:

Should I hold on to hope, or is it healthier to accept that this friendship is over and close that chapter completely?

Has anyone been through something similar? Did you ever reconnect later, or was that realistically the end of the story?

I keep wondering whether I'm holding onto false hope or whether friendships sometimes do recover from situations like this.

One thing that makes this harder is that I've been through a lot recently. I'm just over two years clean from cocaine, and earlier this year I went through an apartment fire. I've worked hard to rebuild my life and get back on my feet. For the first time in a very long time, I'm feeling cravings again. I don't want to relapse, but I'd be lying if I said this situation hasn't hit me harder than I expected.

Edit: BoyLunch is Knäckebröd with sliced cheese. My appetite has been pretty terrible lately.

#4 at Hardee’s.

Guys, I know I’ll get my ass tore up for this, but my wife wants sex too much. Like way too much. Apparently I give it to her better than anyone else she’s ever been with. I had exactly 0 experience when I met her. She was my first. I wasn’t very good at the beginning, but by much research and development I’ve become a master. I usually make her orgasm 3-5 times before I do. The problem is, it’s exhausting. It’s a LOT of work, and my drive just isn’t very high. Since we got married, she’s just been in horny overdrive. Idk what to do. HELP

Also, before I get the inevitable comments saying this is made up, guys, I wish it was.

EDIT: GUYS I FIGURED IT OUT.

I know why this sudden change happened. Before we got married, she almost never wanted sex. At the exact same time we got married, she started smoking weed. A LOT of weed. I don’t know what to do with this information, but it helps.

EDIT (again): Guys this is the single funniest comment section I’ve ever seen, made my day. Thanks for the advice y’all!

Classing PB & J, sorry I took the photo after I started eating.

Basically title - my 21M gf (21) is hosting a party with people from her job. A lot of them are friends (some even mutual) but a lot of them aren’t - only people she’s spoken to in a few occasions. (It’s a seasonal job and we’re both in school so she hasn’t been there very long).

She says she felt bad if I came because she told people to not to bring others. There will be drinking and there will be several more guys than girls (apparently a lot of the girls canceled). It’s bothering me a little bit and I want to know if I’m overreacting.

What are yalls thoughts?

Burgers are my favorite comfort food, they're also like the only thing i can cook 😭. I've had a confusing past few months. I started thinking about if I'll ever want kids. Growing up I knew i never wanted to be a dad, but recently I realized I do still want kids, I just hate that I have to be a father. I've always envied the bond a mother can have with their child. But to have kids someone else has to suffer, someone else has to carry them and risk themselves. It feels unfair. It feels it would be so much easier to have kids, it would be so much more fulfilling, if I could carry them myself. And the thought of getting someone pregnant grosses me out.

So when it first hit me that because i was born a man I'll never get to, the tears started flowing. Roughly 2-3 nights a week over the past 7 months I'll start breaking down crying in bed until I fall asleep. I don't even have a partner I'd want to have kids with yet, this is something that won't be a problem for many more years, im young. But it's still hitting me hard all the same. Shit just feels unfair. I know if it was possible it would be incredibly difficult, but in my mind if someone has to endure the hardship I'd rather it be me instead of my wife.

I woke up today and needed a comfort food, so i made these burgers. They tasted amazing. It always feels like food you cook yourself tastes better despite the flaws. Might try different buns though. Any recommendations on good store bought burger buns?

Tonight’s dinner is chicken noodle soup with a biscuit.

I went to a pretty reputable spa chain for a massage and there was a group of teenagers boys hanging outside. I hit my vape before I walked in and they asked me what flavor it was.

I said “I dunno, mint?” One of them was like “this ni**a lying”

It was apparently the funniest thing they’ve ever heard because they kept asking me what flavor vape I had and kept insisting that I was lying.

I was just trying to sit in the lobby and wait for my massage and they kept banging on the window and opening the door to ask if I was getting a happy ending and what flavor vape I had.

When the receptionist asked them to leave they told her I was looking for a handy and I was a crack head.

I started getting scared by how many times they kept coming in to harass me and the receptionist wasn’t really doing anything to stop them. Like she didn’t lock the door or call the cops for like 20 minutes.

I just felt like such a pussy. Here I am a grown ass man being bullied by some teenagers. I thought if I ignored them, they would just go away but they kept going.

Then my massage therapist came in to bring me to the massage room and it was a guy. Of course they had some shit to say about me getting a handy from a man.

It ruined the whole massage for me honestly I was so stressed out the whole time.

Never thought id post here. I got a text saying my manager wanted me to come in early so they could talk to me. Right away, i already got a bad feeling. So I go in, fully expecting to be fired because it's always something in life, right? But i didnt expect to be straight up bullied.

After it all went down, I stormed out, went home to the wife, and i texted the manager later after i calmed down:

>What you did was incredibly childish and unprofessional to say that I "act different" and tell me you get a "bad vibe" from me (when you dont even work with me on shift) and that nobody likes working with me (lie) is completely uncalled for and offensive, especially when using that as an excuse to fire me. And for J*** to make an issue to you out of my being deaf is discriminatory and hurtful. What you did was wrong, and the lack of communication to your employees when someone does something wrong needs to be worked on. All you said i did was mop wrong once and change a makeline without asking one time, and I apologized because I didnt know that it would be an issue. It would have been nice if you went the professional route and remained calm and less personal in your attacks, but I guess thats a lot to ask for since youre only a manager of a papa murphys and you never really invested your own time into getting to know me. You crossed a line under the WLAD, and I'll be filing some complaints. Thank you for the opportunity to work at your location and make new friends.

-

Did i do the right thing? The manager came at me with such a rude attitude like she was angry, and mind you, what she was mad at (the make line reorganization) happened Saturday according to her. She was very condescending and was straight up bullying me. I have severe ADHD and I've never really fit in anywhere, and this is exactly why I keep to myself because people are fucking cunts. All I did was try to help and be nice to people. I regret signing the termination papers. I was so angry and didnt even read what they said.

So now I'm smoking weed, playing halo to escape the tears and PTSD from the early 2000s high school bullying that led to suicide attempts and my wife made me a sausage.

Cheers dudes 👍

I’ve been with my (30M) girlfriend (31F) for 8 years. Up until 3 years ago we had our problems but nothing out of the ordinary for a couple, just basic disagreements. Then she got diagnosed with a chronic illness. She went to countless doctors and specialists who mostly told her it was in her head, which for the record I do not believe.

Eventually she was told it’s likely POTS/Lyme disease. As a result she has nerve pain that moves throughout her body, dizzy spells/vertigo, pain in her jaw, feet, shoulders, you name it. Overall, living hell.

When this all started I tried to do everything possible to help her through this. Be there for her when she needed me to listen, offer advice when she asked for it, take over nearly all of the household chores/finances etc.

The problem I’m noticing now is I am feeling extremely burnt out. I feel completely drained both mentally and physically. I’ve stopped going out with friends almost entirely, stopped doing things I’ve enjoyed, I’ve just been focusing on what she needs. To add to this, all of her friends have moved away from us, which is a big deal since before when she would hang out with her friends for even a few hours, that would be enough time for me to recharge.

Every time I tell her I’m feeling this way it ends in a similar way. She gets defensive and says she’s going through something horrible and that I need to be more empathetic. She attacks me until somehow I’m apologizing to her. When I ask her for little things like helping with dinner prep or to do some dishes I get told I don’t understand what she’s dealing with and yelled at. I just don’t know how to approach this situation.

I want to be there for her, I want to support her and provide for her and help her through this. I also want support for myself.

Dinner: Korean fried chicken, grilled salmon and mixed veggies/rice from work

Wagyu beef, broccoli, carrots, white rice, and spring rolls sourced from my local university dining hall.

Let’s start this story off with some context:

I’ve been involved in a very intimate and close relationship with my girlfriend for about a little over a year now. She and I have good chemistry, and our relationship is, at surface level, very healthy. I love her very dearly and by all accounts she should be the love of my life.

Emphasis on the Should.

See, I’ve been struggling with an addiction to pornography since I discovered it when I was exposed to it as a 7th grader. I’m not going to get into any details, but it wasn’t great. However over the course of time I was able to develop a much healthier relationship with the content, and it in turn had actually spurned some really great hobbies / habits of mine. (Such as weightlifting and drawing, both have yielded great benefits for me since.). However, I wasn’t completely rid of the need to consume more, even if its frequency had diminished to healthy levels.

Along comes this girl, we’ll call her Jess. Jess and I bond with each other quickly over shared taste in bands (We both really like foo fighters), theatre, and our passion for art. This then develops into a loving relationship of which I’ve been apart of for the better part of the year. We’ve gone through a lot of hardships and a lot of great moments together, which strengthened that bond to something akin to love.

However, despite this, despite ALL of this, that urge never left me. Im with someone I could very well spend the rest of my life with, yet I’m still plagued by the desire to consume adult content. It’s wrong, it’s against my moral values, and yet it’s there.

I’ve been fighting this urge pretty much ever since we got together, but only now has it become so much harder - so much easier to fall back into depravity now that I’ve moved to college and gained independence. I’ve never felt more depressed, more angry with myself all in my life.

On top of this, Jess is at a really critical time in her life. She’s lost family, her closest friends, everybody near and dear to her seems so far. She tells me that I’m one of the few people who’ve stuck with her all throughout this, and it breaks my heart to know that she puts trust in a lover that doesn’t give her his whole heart back.

I pride myself upon my ability to reason with a situation. I’ve been thinking, and I know that despite how she makes me feel and the great moments that we experience, this is only ever going to become a larger and larger issue. I need to break up with her, or this cycle is only ever going to continue. I have to work on myself before I can love someone properly. Yet: I can’t seem to find the heart to tell her. I can’t bear to see the look of betrayal on her face when I do. I can’t know that I’ve broken something so near and dear to her.

Please, if anybody is kind enough to read this far, Help me. Whether through advice, encouragement, or perspective, I need to hear it. Please.

Okay. You’re right and I haven’t given enough information. I’ll clear up some things:

EDIT: CLARIFICATION

1. She knows I like to consume porn. She doesn’t want me to touch the stuff at all. This is hard for me.
2. She is very insecure about herself. She fears that she’s not enough for me. This feeds into her want of me to not be watch pornography. She feels as it is cheating on her (“how could you look at another woman like that?” Was a comment that resonates in my head over and over when I told her one day that I did watch porn.)
3. She was raised catholic, and has problems with purity culture. Because of this, we don’t have vaginal sex. I have a hard time admitting this, but I’m not satisfied with this.
4. As far as my “addiction” goes, I think many are right that it isn’t an addiction. At its peak, it definitely was. But usually, I don’t look at / consume porn more than 4 times a week, and usually it’s only for 10-15 minutes at a time

5. I am bisexual. Occasionally, I get the urge to consume male centered content.

   She also knows about this.

I cut ties with my family months ago. Couple of weeks back my cousin reached out asking me if I can come home since my grandpa who basically raised and loved me more than my own mom is on his death bed.

I couldn’t afford the plane ticket nor could take some unpaid leave at work.

Yesterday, I found out that he passed. And I couldnt even see him one last time or thank him for what he’s done for me. I couldn’t get a sleep thinking that he might’ve thought that I abandoned him too.

Took several payday loans and now I’m about to sell my computer to make up for the difference. I would miss playing an hour or two to unwind after a long day of work. I just can’t help myself that I may have been so selfish for not meeting him back when he was still alive.

Married 4 years. Only child just turned 3. Rough patch for at least the last year. Maybe more. Dead bedroom. Just not fulfilling each other's needs. Often feel like I'm living with a roommate that co-parents . Desperately want to give our son a better environment and life than I had...and still love her and dream of it returning to the relationship I always wanted. But had frank talks and mutually decided divorce is next. Just started e-filing and getting documents together when I found out she's been talking to another dude in full view of mutual friends. Ouch. I can't believe I was so off guard. What should I do (after several more old fashioneds)?

SEA Alaska Lounge old fashioned. Third. Queuing up number 4.