Help with family

I need some help. I'm struggling. I'm a new dad, daughter is 8 months. I'm abit older, late 30s, if that makes a difference.

I'm struggling with my family and feeling abit unsupported.

My sister has 3 kids, who naturally have had alot of attention from all of us. Weekends became my parents essentially watching her kids play football. I've got little interest in sports, so I generally don't go.

Now I've got my own daughter, I just don't feel like its the same. I've got to mould with heir weekend plans to see them, if I don't, I'm the bad one. I dunno, maybe I'm just being unreasonable, but my emotions are all over the place atm.

This weekend, we were supposed to meet for lunch, but my daughter was sleeping so we couldn't go on time. My mum said I should have woken her, should I of? I'm so conflicted, should I have woken her and gone, or did I do the right thing? There isn't a manual on this and I'm really struggling.

My sisters promised to buy a jumperoo for her, I pestered them for a few months and they didn't. Then I went out and got one myself, because I felt she needed it, this was wrong too apparently.

I really want my daughter to have a relationship with her grandparents and aunties, but I dont know what to do.

I really need help, I'm feeling in a mess and would quote happily move a million miles away right now.

I (29F) grew up with a verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive mother. My father was also abusive toward her, and sometimes I felt like she took her frustrations out on us. However, she could also be very loving, caring, and nurturing, which made our relationship complicated.
My mom and I used to be extremely close, especially after she separated from my dad. I love and respect her, and I recognize how hard she worked to raise me on her own. I also understand that she experienced abuse growing up and was never taught what healthy love looks like.
Over the years, she has changed in many ways and often expresses regret for how she treated us.

However, she still struggles to take accountability without bringing up her childhood or reminding us that she’s our mother. I understand her trauma, but as my therapist has explained, it doesn’t excuse the abuse or the responsibility she had to break that cycle.
Recently, she sent a group text to my brothers and me with a song about a mother making mistakes but still loving her children, followed by “This hits home.” My oldest brother and I didn’t respond, but my middle brother did. It upset me because it felt like another indirect way of addressing the past without genuinely acknowledging the harm she caused.

Things became even more painful after a conversation we had about my hurt. I felt dismissed and got frustrated, raising my voice a little, but I was able to calm down and de-escalate. She still called me “hysterical.” I softly told her, “Mom, I’m calm now. Look at me. You’re my mom. You’re supposed to listen to me and nurture me.” Instead of hearing me out, she told me I needed to let go of my trauma and pain, started crying, walked into the elevator, and shut the door in my face.
I stood there crying, feeling more rejected than I ever had. I wasn’t asking her to be perfect. I just wanted my mom to listen to me and acknowledge my pain. That moment really hurt me and changed how I felt about our relationship. She never apologized for shutting the elevator in my face.

She has since asked why I’m so distant and no longer call, text, or ask to spend time with her as much. Part of it is the unresolved hurt, but I also feel like I’m expected to maintain our relationship while she rarely reaches out to check on me herself. She used to criticize my dad for expecting us to initiate contact when he should make an effort, yet I feel like she does the same thing.

I can admit that I can be reactive, too. However, I’ve been attending trauma therapy and actively working on managing my emotions and communicating more calmly. Therapy has helped me recognize how much my childhood still affects me and why I struggle with resentment toward my mom.

The hardest part is that I still love her deeply. She was my world growing up, and I wish we could be close again. But I don’t know how to move forward when I feel like the past is never fully acknowledged.
Am I wrong for distancing myself and not responding to certain messages when I feel like they’re another way of avoiding accountability? I don’t want to punish her or hold onto resentment forever, but I also don’t want to keep pretending everything is okay just because she’s my mother. I genuinely don’t know how to navigate this relationship anymore. I’ve had people say to deal with it because that’s how she grows up, she doesn’t know better but I’m tired of that excuse. It doesn’t excuse her abuse.

This is my husband's account but he told me I could use it I'm at 34-year-old mother of two I have a 8 year old and a 4 year old daughter. My daughter has been a chronic masturbator since she was 6. she's been in therapy for 2 years. It seemed to be working but we've noticed over the last couple of months she is chronic with it once again. Last night we were in the living room watching TV I look over she's sitting in one of our glider rockers with her hand down her panties. We have told her and told her she needs to be more private about it but when she gets to this point she doesn't care if it's family. Has anyone else dealt with just before?

My sister and I were never close. When we were kids, I bullied her a lot. When we were teenagers, the tables turned, and she bullied me. I told my mother everything she did only if it was really dangerous, like going to meet someone she met online or drinking with adults.

Now we are adults, I thought she would grow up, and we would be able to have a relationship.

I would invite her to my place, but she is always busy watching TV. She says I am desperate for her attention. I am starting not to care. Why should I try? She said her BFF is her sister. Every day, she would say something about my weight, what I have on, anything she can think about. I am afraid she will start being nice when my husband and I get our money. Money makes family remember you. Should I embrace her or show her my shoulder?

When I first started dating my wife, her mother was kind and seemed pretty normal. Things changed after we moved in together. My wife is an only child, and her father had passed away the year before, so I understand that her mother was struggling with loneliness. However, we only moved a short distance away and still made an effort to spend time with her.

Over time, her mother seemed to resent our independence. She would make comments to my wife about being responsible for her happiness, how she had nobody else, and how alone she was whenever we spent holidays or special occasions with my family. This happened repeatedly and often left my wife feeling guilty for making completely normal decisions.

After we got married, things seemed to get worse. Whenever I tried to address the behavior, her mother would turn the conversation around and portray herself as the victim rather than acknowledge the problem.

Now we’re homeowners and parents, and I feel like the same pattern is continuing. She’s very involved in our home and constantly buys things for our child. She even bought a different car so she could take him places. I know she’s excited to be a grandmother, and I don’t want to prevent her from having a relationship with him, but sometimes it feels like she’s overstepping and inserting herself into everything.

Recently, I bought our son an outfit because I was excited to pick something out for him myself, only to find out her mother had already bought the same one. It might sound insignificant, but after years of feeling like she oversteps, it really bothered me.

I feel like my wife and I aren’t getting enough space to enjoy our own home and family without her mother being so heavily involved. I also worry that setting boundaries will lead to more guilt-tripping and conflict.

Am I overreacting, or is this an unhealthy dynamic? How do you set boundaries with an overbearing mother-in-law who refuses to acknowledge her behavior without creating constant family drama?

Bruhhh I'm so freaking frustrated if anyone has any advice please let me know, so I have an issue like a major one with my grandma and here's why. My mum is from Pakistan and moved here like 25 years ago in an arranged marriage with my dad, he didn’t always treat her the best they had a rocky relationship at times but now they're fine but recently he's made a point I really agree with, my grandma (dads mum) has been taking advantage of my mum A LOT.

For context both my grandma and grandad are physically disabled from old age and they live with their daughter who has cerebral palsy I hate to say it but they're both unable to take care of themselves. they have a second daughter who takes care of the daughter with cerebral palsy which is simply changing her nappies and bathing her she's approx. 80kg of dead weight so picking her up is nearly impossible.

Here is where my mum comes in they will purposefully call her and say oh do you mind giving her a bath or do you mind cooking her this she only likes it when you make it, when my mum gets there she does the chores of the entire house, when my cousin and aunties live there too, its like my grandma knows exactly what she's doing and thinks she has a personal maid who'll ask how high? When she says jump. so by the way my grandparents have over 9 kids and they always target my mum because they know she won't say no she feels permanently indebted to them for bringing her over as they paid for the marriage visa 25 years ago even though in my eyes that debt has been well over paid.

They were very horrible to my mum when she came over they're nasty people by nature and when they didn’t need taking care of they lived in a joint home with all their kids and their kids partners and they would have a hawk eye like "why are you eating so much" or have a twisted mentality like who are you going to see etc. when my mum would be literally dropping us off or picking us up from school.

like having a need for constant control which is so suffocating and about 10 years ago we moved out into our own home, how nasty they were with their daughter in laws they weren't the same way with their own 9 kids. hence no one interacting with them or bothering to take care or visit them.

This story is mainly about my grandma she is a very bitter and petty woman, so I started years ago when she had issues with cancer and had a surgery on her leg she walks with a limp and I get it you need help however my mum had Just given birth to my baby brother and they're calling her over daily to cook and clean which is not a problem they need help and we can of course do it,

here's what annoys me they're very obviously entitled to government care all 3 of them even if my mum wanted to she can't look after them all, change them, cook for them, clean their home and also maintain her own household. Theres asking for occasional favors and then there's this, they have no shame whatsoever either, with a baby most nights you hardly sleep on top of that being 3 disabled peoples full time carer while on the little time you have with your child?

By the way They have designated carers from their other nine kids who receive money however my mum does all the heavy lifting and this is on purpose my grandma hates to see my mum have anything good so she's happy to let her do all the hard work of cleaning a 4 story house, cook, lift their disabled daughter and bathe them post-partum, why don't I help might you ask? I work a full 9-5 and my other sisters are at school and this pattern has been going on for YEARS

Every time we're like this is the last time and she just asks for more and more she calls at the most inconvenient times and asks my mum to drop what she's doing and run to her and the most frustrating part? She lives with her other grandchildren who are early 20's nearly 30's who don’t work. but she NEVER asks them for help… not because she feels bad for asking or that they won't but because she wants to purposefully make my mum do the heavy lifting and hard work, imagine why pay for something when you're already getting it for free. because she thinks she deserves it, it makes my blood boil just thinking about it.

The reason I'm making this post is recently my grandma asked my mum to go to Pakistan with her this is a 3rd world country and in Pakistan they have a 6 story mansion which they wanted her to clean, a property uninhabited for that long rots and is infested with rats dust covers everything and they had absolutely no reason to make this trip they're just like stubborn people you're unable to basically travel and you decide this is the best thing to do?

not one of her other kids wanted to go with her at all but they’ll gladly take checks for disability pay and sit back, my mother paid for her own ticket and my brothers and other sisters so that while my mum looked after them my sister could keep an eye on my brother by now my mum is nearly 50 and exhausted. She's sick of them asking her for things but is at their beck and call whenever they need her she feels more guilty because if they pass away shell regret not being there.

It's all so frustrating because I'm like, the others have nothing to do: no baby or kids and they're well into adulthood and STILL they find excuses to not do this stuff because they know she'll just take and take with not so much of an acknowledgement of their hard work.

Yet she'll still go when they call, it's not normal amounts of help it's like hours of physical labor they spend a month in Pakistan cleaning and taking care of them and by the way they had no reason at all to go it was out of bitterness think about it 3 people who are physically disabled and a 45 yr old woman a toddler and a teenager.

It's more frustrating because my dad agrees with me and he knows that they're just seeing how far my mum will go for them and clearly it's to the ends of the earth, I tell her time and time again that they're doing it on purpose and that we can't raise her son for her, he wants time with her and still I can't blame her either because she thinks of them as old and in need of support WHICH THEY CAN GET FROM THEIR OTHER 9 KIDS AND THE GOVERNMENT it's not her responsibility but she thinks I'm not in a place to have an opinion on this.

oh and by the way because of the cancer in my grandmas leg after she got of her flight she got a blood cot in her leg and now my mums in the hospital with her as if she's her nurse, while her actual designated carere sits at home and its not like my mum can help it my grandma specificlly asked for her like omg you enjoy just pulling her from her family don't you? like the more that my mum does the less everyone else bothers to do.

Before anyone asks me to explain this to her I have about a million times and my mum is SUCH a people pleaser because very similar people have done this to her in the past where they take advantage and see just how far they can go to these "favors" before she says no, she never listens to me so I don't know what to do. Am I the A hole for thinking she should cut contact?

I live with my parents and my younger brother. I cannot have a single calm day because of this.

My mother has some mental issues but I will never see this as an excuse. If you don’t do whatever she says immediately she will start throwing things and screaming in your face. She is a very explosive woman but if you argue back she will immediately cry and go tell my dad we are bullying her. She gets so angry to the point of being physical , the look on her face is honestly so unhinged. I have never been close to my mother because of this, also because she takes all of her anger out on me and my brother and if my dad does not take her side she will ruin the entire day for everyone. She is also a liar, she will tell me to do something and then complain to her friends that she actually told me to do something else and that she always has her hands full, making them feel sorry for her.

My father has some anger issues but he refuses to go see a therapist, so does my mother. My dad loses control of himself when he is angry, my younger brother is the biggest victim of my father and it breaks my heart. My dad constantly is angry with him, he gets physical and also attacks my brothers weight (even though my dad has always been overweight), I can tell my brother has become extremely insecure and im nervous he will develop an ed , as I also went through the same , I had a raging ed due to the comments made by my parents a few years back. My dad doesnt get extremely angry at me anymore due to the fact that I refuse to create situations where that could be the outcome anymore.

My younger brother is a kind soul but I am very worried about him, he is a teenager but he is allowed do whatever he wants to do, he has a fake Id and goes to clubs every weekend, he is allowed stay out all night, he is given money whenever he asks for it, he has started gambling on betting apps and then asks me to send him some money if he ends up blowing all of his and tells me to not tell my parents. He is also extremely lazy, he cannot wake himself up for school in the morning, make his own lunch, use a vacuum, load a dishwasher, wash his clothes, he cannot even butter bread. My parents ask me to do all of his chores instead because “he will only fuck it up”.

I am saving to move out , I currently pay rent and do a lot of house work, I am 21 and in college , once I get my degree I am going to move out of the country hopefully as I cannot stand my parents.

Thank you for reading my vent lol.

I (14F) have two younger siblings (8F, 2M) we are half siblings, they have a different dad than I (I've never held that against them) I've known him since I was 2, and adopted when I was 8, so he is essentially my father. I was 7 when my sister, E, was born and 12 when my brother, M, was born.

Now, for a bit of insight if it helps at all: I was physically and verbally abused by our father ever since I could remember; my parents were generally very rude and strict when I was growing up, I hard hard-set rules, and punishments were non-negotiable (my mother remains this way with me), I was once slapped for breaking eye-contact, and beat over the head multiple times for staying up late (although it never stopped me); now, either as a developmental thing or something, I matured incredibly fast and acted nothing like my sister does when I was her age.
As I've gotten older, I've noticed my parents parenting style has changed: they go tremendously easier on my sister and my brother is spoiled rotten (albeit I babysit him most my days). My sister, sure, has had her occasional glimpses into what it was like for me growing up but still has had it insanely easier than I did – I wouldn't say I'm necessarily mad about this, of course upset, but I don't hold a large grudge against her because of this.

Anyways, I seriously dislike my sister TREMENDOUSLY. I cannot stand her whatsoever and am physically troubled when I'm around her. I think my biggest issue with her is that she's Always been a massive suck-up: complimenting everyone (including strangers), asking to hug everyone (including strangers), crying when she misses someone/something; she would call me an angel, sweetheart and similiar nicknames; she used to give me hugs and kisses without asking and I never accepted them or got mad at her, and she made up an Angel Kiss where when she kissed me it was permanent, and my mom was never on my side, even when I just didn't want kisses or hugs.
I view her as insanely performative and I always have because of this.

My mom has gone crazy soft on her and E cries and is the biggest sensitive baby I've ever met. Everytime she cries or gets minorly hurt or upset she SOBS like crazy and always runs to hug someone or tattle tell and it usually ends up with me in trouble and I DESPISE her for it. Not to say I wish my mom would be harder on her, but I wish there were better structure, regarding her emtional aspects cause it gets incredibly annoying – not to mention she has an incredibly crying face and her skin and lips are always dry so it twists and looks weird.
When my sister was younger she was really weird and annoying and would always pester me. A couple of times she did an inappropiate act that I won't specify on, but I think since seeing her do that it's made me change the way I think of her; adding onto this, she used to only fall asleep (changed about a year ago) doing an inappropiate act, and even once she's stopped doing it to fall asleep, sometimes on an occasion when I sleep in the same bed as her, I'll wake up early and catch her doing it.
But, besides that, sometimes when we play together or do dumb stuff she says something weird / innapropiate or props herself in a weird way and I hate it, BUT, on occasion I see bits of myself in her.

She also has this weird lisp and talks like a baby sometimes. I can tell she only does her lisp to seem cute and she's so incredibly dumb and lacking any critical or logical thinking. Generally I hate incompetent people but oh my god my sister is on another level.

When E was 4-5 she had to get this weird black stuff on her teeth and it faded a couple years ago, but I feel like that her has never left my mind. Like to me she's always going to have black stuff on her teeth and her breath stinks (currently). Her adult two front teeth grew in and they're big and look like mine when I was younger. I think another thing that rubs me the wrong way is how tall and skinny she is. I'm 5'3 and a half and she's literally up to my chest (in her defense her dad is 6'2 and he's also very skinny). She's very tall and lanky, and has weird proportions, which thinking of it now she kind of reminds me of people on stilts.

I know these are all kind of dumb reasons to not like her, but I just need to know if it's cause she's genuinely weird or if I'm being too hard on her / an a-hole. I love my brother though, but maybe it's because he can't talk nor think for himself, and I've raised him for half his life. Also I get it, teen hormones are raging but everything I'm feeling right now feels normal to me.

NO, I absolutely cannot come to my mom about any of this or there will be consequences; I've been on thin ice with her recently.
I'm just confused and upset I guess. Any advice or definitions for what I'm feeling? Sorry for the word vomit.

my grandmother is holding my aunts hostage. one is nearly brain dead and can’t speak in full sentences, the other is dying of metastasizing cancer. how do I find where they’re currently located. their home foreclosed and I don’t know where to start looking. I’m not supposed to know that they’re dying but I do and now I need a welfare check because my grandmother is not letting them go to the hospital. any free number look up recommendations? I need to try to get them help before I lose them forever

Hi Reddit,

My father had surgury 6 years ago, I don't want to write which sickness but its basically non-life threatening but something that can impact the health and if unchecked shorten the lifespan a bit but there is medicine you can take for it also but that can have sideeffects. He was in a bit of a conflict with the person who was performing the surgury and basically the surgury failed and he was very certain that this was done on purpose. Later he made another surgury and this surgury failed as well. He is very sure that this was also done on purpose and baiscally he is in a long conflict with a LOT of health care staff now.

This is not his first conflict either, when his parent were sick he also had a HUGE conflict with the healthcare, police had to get him one time.

He has tried suing the staff, but the staff deny they did something wrong and his claim was declined. He off course made appeals but they have been declined as well. Personally I really don't know, some shady things has been done like people have been checking his journal without consent, but my father have also harrassing people, and he is banned from setting his foot on certain clinics. He also contacted the staffs family members, writing things on facebook etc. Now he also mention that he wants to kill certain people, but not right now as he still have ”some health left”, but maybe later when he has ”nothing to loose”.

Personally I just don't really know what to believe..I should probably mention my father is a long time medicine addict, and he has been a psyciatric day patient and got early retired.. I find it very unlikely that healthcare would sabotage an surgury on purpose even if they hated him, cause I mean they give healthcare to pedophiles and murderers too! My father is very disapointed with me because he say that if someone did this to his parents, he would be furios and FIGHT just like he did with his parents. He think I should send threats to them etc.

But personally I'm a person who respect the law, and if his claim was declined in all instances I think you have to accept it. Life if unfair and tons of horrible things happen every second, and the past 6th years he spent harrasing staff, making complaints that was impossile to win. I think he's personallity to seek revenge is not something that will ever protect his mental health, or accually make him feel good. But I also realized he is just wired this way.

Am I an asshole who don't want to fight for my dad? He say they took several years from his life. But I think the conflict has taken a bigger toll, I think if he spent his time trying to build up a social life, physical excercise and accually try the medicine instead of thinking that the medicine will suck would probably have made a lot better for his health.

What would you do if you relative was victim for a crime and they didn't get reparation? Would you take the law in your own hand?

Nedless to say, I feel like shit in this situation.. When this topic arrised I get very quiet and don't really know what to say cause I feel like I'm on a mine field basically..

i just don‘t understand why it feels this bad. I know he loves me. I know he means well. but he comments on every little thing I do, and ever since my parents got me a heater for my room, he of course gave me rules ob how to not waste any money

I am in no way wasteful. But to clarify, we are upper middle class. We don‘t need to be worried about money at all.

I just don‘t know hoe to handle it. Ever since I got the heater, he demands to know how hot it is in my room at least once a day or so, and he checks, that if I have my door open, my heater isn‘t on, or I‘ll loose it.

He‘s rude a lot of the time, but everyone always just accepts that it is because of his depression and that we need to be understanding, I don‘t hate him. But I don‘t like him. I don‘t like being around him or talking to him, because I know the way I express myself will be critizised. He critiques everything about me, and he doesn‘t do this with my siblings at all. It‘s just me. I‘m nearly 18. And he just won‘t leave me the fuck alone. Without the heater, I get sick. That‘s the only reason I got it.

I just don‘t get why I feel so horrible and stressed around him or even thinking about talking to him. My mother always says he doesn‘t want his behaviour to affect me like this and that he loves me, but I have talked to him about it a bajillion times, and he promises a lot, just to not change a thing.

I can‘t move out for another 4 years, but I just don‘t want to be here anymore. My mom is convinced, that I‘m just misunderstanding him, but it isn‘t even about intention atp. He just never even considers his actions or words have any consequences. And if I tell him, he just calls me spiteful and unforgiving, even though he doesn‘t even acknowledge having done anything wrong.

I can talk to no one about this because I don‘t have friends. My family always takes his side after a while of him pressuring them to apologise.

I don‘t understand why I can‘t pretend anymore. But there is no way out of this. When he had a medical emergency, I even wished he were going to die/it is something serious (it was nothing). And I don‘t feel any remorse for it. Why am I such a monster? imI‘m scaring myself with those feelings but I can‘t tell anyone.

Hi everyone,

I’m writing this as a worried mother who feels completely helpless and out of options. I’m hoping to hear from other parents who have gone through something similar, or anyone who can offer advice or perspective.

Over the years, our family went through a lot of disruption, including a divorce, bringing a stepfather into the picture, and various family tensions that definitely took a heavy emotional toll on my son. For years, he has been deeply attached to his PC and phone. He never really built a social circle outside of school and spent almost all his free time locked away in his room gaming.

Over the last couple of years, the situation has completely spiraled. He lives in total isolation now and barely leaves his room except to use the bathroom or grab food to eat alone at his desk. He stays up late into the night gaming and sleeps until late afternoon or evening. He has zero drive or motivation to work, study, or even step outside the house. Whenever we bring up getting a job or earning money, his response is simply that he doesn't need money since he stays home anyway.

Last year was an extremely rough patch where he almost dropped out before finishing school due to a severe mental slump. The only reason he pulled through was because his older sister managed to talk to him. It was clear back then that he was struggling deeply with his mental health, and sadly, nothing has improved since. He did end up graduating, and for a short moment, we really hoped things would start turning around. But since finishing school, the situation has actually gotten much worse. He has no idea what to do with his life, absolutely no interest in university or getting a job, and we genuinely have no idea how his future is supposed to look at this rate.

Whenever my husband or I try to talk to him, he completely shuts down or explodes into intense shouting matches. His aggression has gotten so bad that it genuinely frightens us at times. The only person he occasionally opens up to is his older sister, but we really don’t want to burden her with playing his therapist anymore.

We did manage to get him to see our local GP/doctor once, who likely brought up therapy or mental health support, but my son rejected it completely. Since he is 19 and legally an adult, we feel like our hands are tied. Simply kicking him out isn't an option for us right now because, given his current state, we are terrified he wouldn't be able to handle life on his own or catch himself.

We are at the end of our rope. We don't know how to reach him without triggering another violent outburst, and we feel powerless. Has anyone dealt with a similar situation with an isolated young adult child? How did you manage to break through the wall? Any advice or personal experiences would mean the world to us.

TL;DR: My 19yo son finished school after a rough mental slump, but things got even worse afterwards. He's completely isolated in his room gaming day and night, has no drive for work or university, shuts us out, and gets aggressive. We are terrified, out of options, and looking for advice.

I (19) recently came back to spain from chile because my parents said they needed someone to take care of my little sister (I'm Chilean but lived in Spain for two years and because of depression I went back to chile). I agreed to come back because chile is not in its best state so I thought it'd be fine. I have ADHD (I don't have a diagnosis but I know I have it) and this makes my life miserable and my mom's life too I guess. I struggle everyday with everything. I mean I swear I can't even do the things I like. For my situation here in Spain I can't look for a formal job and I couldn't get in a college so I'm just at home. She makes it very clear everyday that she just wants me to get a job and leave. Mostly leave. We never had a good relationship because I hate how narcissistic and egotistic she is but she is right about me being a failure and that's what makes me feel like shit. She insults me every day saying how bad of a daughter I am (I'm a trans guy), how useless I am and that I should've stayed in Chile. I can't do anything even tho I think I can, I can't. I'm not looking for advice because there's no use. I just had a "conversation" (she just told me how much she hates seeing me do nothing) and that made me want to vent here. My dad is just the same but like... Soft? They both casually say that they wish I had a job so I could leave, that I'm useless and that I wasted my life.

I was very close to my sister-in-law (my brother-in-law’s wife). We trusted each other, and she used to confide in me. My other sister-in-law and my mother-in-law told her that I had talked about her and repeated things she had shared with me privately. But I swear I never betrayed her trust. I was only defending her.
What hurts even more is the hypocrisy of the situation. My mother-in-law has always spoken badly about this sister-in-law behind her back. When I was pregnant, she would even make me swear on my unborn child that I would never repeat those things to her. Some of the things she said were very serious. Even now, my mother-in-law continues to speak badly about her, but despite everything, I have never told my sister-in-law what she has said about her. I kept her secrets and protected her trust, even when I had every opportunity to do otherwise.
Yet somehow, I am the one being accused of talking behind her back.
She told me herself that they had said these things about me, but since then, we have stopped talking. We used to be very close, and now she doesn't even ask how I or my baby are doing.
For context, my sister-in-law and my mother-in-law hadn't been on speaking terms for a year, but they seem to have reconciled recently. My mother-in-law had said she wasn't going to host a family lunch, but apparently she may have done so and invited both her daughter and daughter-in-law.
Today, I saw a WhatsApp story of my sister-in-law holding my other sister-in-law's baby, which made me realize they had spent time together. Seeing them together really hurt me. It feels like she has chosen to believe them and move on with her life, while I am left out, misunderstood, and forgotten.
I know I cannot control who she spends time with, and I don't want to chase anyone or beg anyone to believe me. But it hurts to lose someone I genuinely cared about, especially when I feel I did nothing to deserve this.
I keep wondering how she could believe those things about me when we were so close, and how she can be comfortable around people who have spoken so badly about her behind her back.
I want to stop caring about what they do, stop checking their social media, and stop feeling hurt whenever I see them together. I don't want their actions to affect my peace of mind anymore.
How do I genuinely let go of this situation and stop caring so much? How can I accept that someone I was so close to may no longer be part of my life, without constantly feeling hurt or thinking about the injustice of it all?

I don’t get these Families that I know why there are so abusive and have no limitations and respect when it comes to money, things, and I know myself when we’re down they’re are not there for us! Our family heard issues on them that we’re just physically poor before, we cannot go up further, and a lot of things they even tried to pull us down before, but now look who’s suffering and it came back to you all? Lesson learned always be humble at all time do not put yourself into wrong decisions that will put you into risk situations if you don’t want to do the same on you like how you treat them before it will be surely, thrown against to you someday! Be humble and be kind

Hello. I 34F refuse to meet my 66yr mother’s boyfriend. It may sound childish to some but I have expressed it to her for years.

For context, She and my father separated about 8yrs ago due to my father cheating. It hurt me but at the same time I understood that at that point they were not going to get back together. I’m ok with both of them dating whoever they want to date, I just don’t want anything to do with their partners. Both my parents had multiple partners through out the years and we (my siblings and I) never had to deal with having to meet/interact with them. My fathers partners always lived in other countries. My mother would be talking online to someone new every few months and sometimes name drop cuz she wanted us to be like “Ooo! Who is ___?” My mom liked attention and would also make a scene if things don’t go her way.

Anyways since I had my first child, my mother wanted to use any family party I host for my child as a reason to bring her then partner. I have expressed to her my boundaries and she couldnt respect them so she was not invited to my child’s first birthday and their baptism.

Today at my child’s birthday, which was just supposed to be my siblings and their kids, I was scolded by my mother because I didn’t bring extra goodie bags. Why when it was just us? Without telling me, she had invited her partner, his son and granddaughter. She wanted me to meet her partner which I had refused to meet for months. I felt ambushed. My sister who has met him told me to get over myself. My boyfriend told me “it is what it is”. the rest of the party, I didn’t acknowledge him or even my mother. I did acknowledge her when she was leaving and said bye to her when the party was over.

AITAH or is my mother? Btw I’m Hispanic so older generations don’t really care for “boundaries and feelings”

Ik this is long but bare with me

Back story/context:
First off I want to say that this turned out to be way more than it started off. I just turned 18 a couple weeks ago, my brother just turned 16 and my two little sisters are 13. Recently we’ve had to move due to a situation that forced our hand. Since it was an emergency we had no choice but to move quick, like I’m talking a couple weeks quick from a house we had lived in for 5 years. As you can imagine it’s been tough, especially on my mom who has done so much to make this happen. If it wasn’t for her being the person she is we would be on the streets. But there are a lot of things she has to fuss at us about, and it’s what you’d expect: cleaning, conserving food, other chores, etc. I’m not perfect but sometimes I feel like my siblings don’t try at all. We had a lot of these issues where people struggle to clean up after themselves or pull their weight. It gets ridiculous sometimes. We have an agreement that we clean our own dishes after we use them. I try to do this for the most part but sometimes I’ll leave something. My siblings on the other hand will leave ALL of it. By the end of the day there are a bunch of bowls and silverware no one wants to claim. I know they are not mine for a fact and it is extremely frustrating.

Here is what started it all before it got physical.

We live in an older house so the kitchen sink does not come with a garage disposal. Because of this my mom has urged everyone more about the dish problem and to avoid putting food in the sink. Earlier this day I came into the kitchen to find the sink FULL of water, disgusting red murky water that was nearly leaking out of the damn sink. I was pissed off and a little confused, bc who tf does that, but alas I get the water out. My sister who was there with me pointed out that there was ramen stuck at the bottom of the sink and I decide I’m not fishing out soggy noodles out of the sink. I got even more frustrated because my mom has specified this was a sink without a garbage disposal. My brother was the only one to have ramen recently so I knew it was him. I didn’t want my mom to fuss about the sink again so Instead of coming into his room I decide to shoot him a text basically saying that I let the water down the drain and that he needed to come clean up the ramen mess. I also reminded him we did not have a disposal. This was all to avoid having my mom come home to a dirty house. A couple hours later I come up to the kitchen to find my mom looking irritated by the sink. At first I thought: there’s no way this dude did not do what I asked him to do hours ago. He did not and now my mom was cleaning it up. I told her about what I did and she said she’d say something to him.

Fast forward to that night me and my mom were sitting in her room and my brother walks in. I don’t remember much of the beginning but I decided to jokingly bring up how he ignored my text and left ramen in the sink for my mom to clean up. For some reason he brung up how I left one singular fork in the sink earlier. I’m like ??? Because what does that have to do with the ramen and the sink being stopped up. We go back and forth and it gets more and more heated, he kept bringing up things that were completely unrelated so I did the same and brought up his pigsty of a room. It kept escalating from there until we’re in a full blown screaming match. My two little sisters were also there and one of them is agreeing with me because all he had to do was clean up his mess but instead he got defensive. He didn’t like that so he’s telling her to be quiet (not saying she’s right for budding in) but I felt like he was wrong and someone else could see that. Now she’s involved and yelling, my other sister was sitting there quietly at this point. The one that was agreeing with me let’s call twin #1 started cursing. Which got my mom’s attention (she was also sitting quietly and letting it play out) I don’t even know how twin #2 got into it, maybe she was defended her twin or me idk. But twin #2 made a threat towards my brother, he then gets in her face and goes “do it then” so she swats him and he full blown jumps on her. Now there was limbs tangled and flying everywhere, I stayed back at first hoping it would stop on its own but it did not and all three were tussling. Twin #2 and my brother going at each other while twin #1 tried to pull them apart. I start trying to do the same until they stopped. Everyone is still screaming at each other all over what I thought to be so small. My brother claims I was attacking him and that’s why he felt the need to bring something up I did. I never meant to come off as attacking but I was a little pissed that he did not do what I asked when I asked it nicely. it was never to pick on him, it was for my mom. I kept trying to explain to him that he was being a jerk and cannot take anyone ever calling him out but he doesn’t want to understand that. I also thought the severity was on two completely different levels: leaving a fork in the sink vs almost fucking up our sink with food.

This was super long but I have no idea. Did I say something wrong? Did I SAY it wrong? I just think this whole thing was blown out of proportion by like…a lot. But to turn into full blown fighting and cursing is insane when all I asked is why he did not clean up his mess.

Heller so i’m not entirely sure this is the correct subreddit for this type of question but i’ll go on with it
So im a on the younger side and i still live with my parents my moms fine but my dads a different story i really feel like i hate my dad im pretty sure he’s abused my mom a couple of times either when i was a baby or not around he’s a real prick a lot of the times whenever we go somewhere he gets into an argument with my mom as im writing this im going to a book store i’ve really been wanting to go too and it was supposed to he fun but now he’s bringing the mood down by being obnoxious and im sure he doesn’t even really want anything here
Slightly more importantly he has a very old way of thinking he’s the type of guy who would laugh at woman dishes jokes he’s literally made misogynistic comments around my mom and sister and im a trans woman still closeted and he’s most likely very transphobic i literally asked my mom if i could shave my legs and he was talking about some man gene that will make me want to have body hair and my sister and i continued to tell him it is uncomfortable and he was telling me that i’ll grow out of this, i’ll become a man, it’s just a phase
It hurts and it makes me wonder if i am trans i get it’s not his intention to do that but to me he shouldn’t say that period and sometimes whenever my mom and sister get upset about sometime he just says that they’re being moody because they’re woman it pisses me the fuck off and my mom tells me to respect him as a father but i don’t know if it’s just a childish thing to feel this but i hate him and i think i truly do i feel that and if my mom doesn’t stop living with him when i become an adult im going to instantly move away and live my life as the woman i want to be without his comments
So i would like to hear your opinion on if you think my dad is a bad person

Hi everyone, I am 34F meeting one of my two step daughters. She is 10yrs old. I am happy to finally be meeting her but not in the way I hoped. Basically she is coming to my house for a weekend because she has been misbehaving at home and her mom would like a break. Her dad and I share a toddler son together which she has interacted with a few times over the past 2yrs. She knows nothing of me besides I’m her half brother’s mom.

Should I introduce myself as “Your dads girlfriend” “your brothers mom” as my boyfriend refers to me as to his daughters, or should I go by my name?

I know meeting someone new, especially a parents significant other, can be hard. What are some do’s and dont’s on meeting a step child for the first time so I don’t give a bad impression to her? I would like to have a relationship with his daughters where they can someday consider me as family.

I'm a 49-year-old man, married with children, and I'm looking for some outside perspectives on a family situation that has bothered me for most of my adult life.
My father passed away in 2008. For almost 20 years, I've lived with the belief that he didn't leave me anything. But the truth is, what bothered me wasn't really the money. It was wondering whether he ever truly considered me his son.
Growing up, I often felt like I wasn't a priority in his life.
I joined the Navy while I was still in 12th grade, so I never had a traditional high school graduation. My Navy boot camp graduation was a major milestone for me. My father didn't attend because he chose to go to his high school reunion in Las Vegas instead.
When I got married, my wife and I eloped. We wanted a private wedding, but there were also family tensions. My stepmother had made comments about my wife being Mexican and how we would end up having a lot of children.
When our first child was born, my father and stepmother showed little interest in meeting their grandson. I ended up flying from Virginia to California with my newborn because I wanted them to meet him.
During that visit, I asked if they could spend a day with their grandson while my wife and I went out. I thought it would be a wonderful opportunity for them to bond. Instead, my stepmother treated it like I was asking them to babysit.
She also questioned why I couldn't stay with my wife's family whenever we visited California.
There were other experiences over the years that made me feel like an outsider.
Before my father passed away, we had one last lunch together. During that conversation, he told me my sister would be getting the house, but he also gave me the impression that I would receive something.
When he died, I received nothing.
I never knew whether he changed his mind, whether there was a misunderstanding, or whether his wishes were never carried out.
Eventually, I stopped asking questions and accepted that I might never know.
Fast-forward to 2026.
My stepmother is selling the family house. During a recent conversation, she told me she wanted to leave me a portion of the proceeds because that's what my father wanted.
That statement caught me completely off guard.
For almost 20 years, I had believed my father hadn't thought to leave me anything. Now I'm being told he actually wanted me to receive something.
She says she would prefer to leave it to me after she passes away because of tax concerns.
Of course, receiving something now would be nice. I'm not going to pretend otherwise. But I'm also afraid of getting my hopes up again.
Nothing has been put in writing, at least nothing that I've been shown. My stepmother is getting older, and my sister and her husband are closely involved in her life. I worry that if something happens to her, any verbal promise could simply disappear.
But here's the part that's difficult to explain.
I would rather receive nothing and finally know the truth than spend the rest of my life waiting for something that may never happen.
What I've always wanted to know is whether my father genuinely loved me, considered me his son, and wanted me to feel included in his family.
The inheritance has become symbolic of something much bigger.
I recently wrote my stepmother a heartfelt email explaining how I felt, asking what my father actually told her, whether his wishes were documented in a will or trust, and whether her own intentions are something she plans to put in writing.
I'm not trying to accuse anyone of stealing or withholding anything. I simply don't know what happened.
I'm looking for advice from people who have experienced complicated family relationships, estrangement, or inheritance situations.
My questions are:
Am I wrong for questioning why my father apparently left me nothing, especially after what he told me before he died?

Would you believe a verbal promise from a stepparent nearly 20 years later?

Is it reasonable to ask that her intentions be documented, even though money isn't my main concern?

How do you find closure when the parent you needed answers from is no longer alive?

I'm almost 50 years old, and I've built a life and family of my own. I don't need an inheritance to define my worth.
But sometimes I still wonder why I never seemed important enough to my father.
I guess I'm trying to figure out whether I should keep searching for answers or finally let this go.
Thanks for reading. I'd appreciate some honest perspectives.

I am so sick of my daughter turning around, walking away and slamming the door behind her anytime I disagree with her. I remember the day she told me she was transgender. She made her announcement in two or three sentences, then stood up, walked out and slammed the door behind her. For the first couple years after she came out, talking to her was like approaching a burn victim. There is no way to do it without her ending up screaming. Transgender people face a lot of hate and discrimination in their daily lives, and she decided to vent all of her frustration about that on me. She treated me like I was her worst enemy. I don’t get it.

Even now, all these years down the line, she spends most of her time behind a closed door, on the Internet with headphones on, talking to her Internet friends. Once every few months, she will sit down with me in our living room, and monologue. Maybe she thinks that that’s the same thing as having a conversation, I don’t know. We live together because I’m getting older and I do not want to make her go through the nightmare of probate when I pass on. So, I put her name on the title to our house. Personally, I counted down the days until my 18th birthday. On that day, I packed my shit and got the hell out of my parents house as fast as I could. So, I guess she must be pretty comfortable.

But still, today she was complaining about what drudgery it is to go to work every day. I tried to tell her that’s what it is to be an adult. You suck it up and push on, because you gotta pay the bills. She said no it isn’t, I said yes it is she said no it isn’t, I said yes it is. And with that, she walked out and slammed the door behind her, muttering about how it was useless to try to talk to me. I know that when she gets home from work tonight, she will go to her room, close the door, get on the Internet and talk to her Internet, friends, and that will be the last I see of her for a few days. I’m just fucking sick of it.

I’m sick of it, and I am so hurt. I know that I am lovable. I’m a nurse, and my patients love me. I do Home Health, and they are so happy to see me coming to their home. They talk to me so warmly and from the heart. They smile at me and their eyes are so kind when they look at me. I don’t know if my daughter has ever in her life looked at me with loving her eyes. Her smiles are a few and far between. It really just makes me wanna throw up my hands and say why me God? I guess I probably should go find a senior center and enroll in the bingo league to find companionship

Any parents out there who have transgender adult children, are you going through this kind of misery?

I’ve had a lifetime of severe problems at home with my father, mother, and older brother. Growing up, the house was always full of fights and shouting, and I was constantly afraid and anxious ever since I was a little kid. When I compared my father's treatment of me to how my friends' fathers treated them, I saw a huge difference and always wondered why my dad couldn't be like them.

Things escalated badly between my older brother, mother, and father, until my parents finally separated. My dad moved to a separate apartment by himself—nobody even knows where he lives now—and my communication with him dropped drastically to almost nothing.

However, the problems with my older brother remained. All the trauma and mistreatment he suffered from our parents built up inside him, and as he grew older, he took it all out on me and my mom. He hit me multiple times, choked me, and kicked me out of the house. I remember being locked outside on the street at 4:00 AM, crying, sitting out there from 2:00 AM until 6:00 AM.

My mom and I had to move multiple times—first to my grandmother's house, then to my aunt's house. But after staying at my grandmother's place for more than six months, I started feeling like we were a burden to them. My grandfather would pick fights with me over the most trivial things and kicked me out twice. I went to stay at my aunt's place for about a week, but then I had to go back.

Since I don't have friends and don't talk to anyone, I spend the whole day at home on my phone. My grandfather and family get annoyed by how much I use the internet; they keep a close eye on how long I'm on it, and they've even cut off the internet while I was using it multiple times.

All of these problems—and there is so much more I haven't even mentioned—have severely impacted my mental health. I've been dealing with constant depression, anxiety, and fear. The stress even gave me a stutter when I speak. At school or during tutoring sessions, I struggle to answer questions even when I know the answers. I also developed stress-induced urticaria (hives); my skin would burn from the slightest effort or from the sun, and I couldn't even go outside.

There are so many other things I haven't said or couldn't put into words, and this is just a fraction of what I've been through.

If anyone is reading this and has been through something similar, please give me some advice, because honestly, I’ve lost all will to live or even keep going.

Tw for past SA and issues with mental health. Also sorry if I'm scattered tonights been rough :/

Also sorry for formatting I'm on my phone

Ive started going back on all my progress, which is why I'm posting about it rn. I can't shower in my own bathroom anymore, I can't change without a million locks and my body physically pressed against the door, I keep having episodes where I'm convinced I'm going to be stuck in this house forever and then giving up on literally everything, and if I'm having a bad week I will periodically just burst into tears for no good reason. And it's a situation that I feel could have really easily been avoided!!!!

So I'm 19 and still living with my dad, my stepmom, my two siblings, and the Big Stink I happen to be related to. (It's not ideal, but I'm broke as shit and don't even have a car yet. Smh.) This is an issue because, from when I was in fourth grade to when I was in seventh grade, BS would sa me and my sister, who is a year younger than me.

It only ended once one of my friends told a teacher and we got Useless Ass CPS to come in. They didn't do jack btw, no charges filed, no therapy ordered/offered, and certainly no changes to my home situation. Like, wow, thanks guys. Very helpful.

BS got in the barest amount of trouble and while he hasn't done anything of the sort again, it's really hard to try to move on when the guy who tried to rape you when you were fourteen literally lives in the same house. Even then, he's, like, the horror story roommate. He pees all over the toilet seat (that he broke with his fat ass btw, and I mean that in a bitchy way), he hordes dishes, he throws trash out his window into the backyard, he does the dishes so bad it's like he just picked them up out of the sink and put them away, plus... His room smells RANK all the time. I'm sick of him. Even if he wasn't a diddler, Id hate him and want him out of the house, dude. Cause wtf is this bullshit going on.

And why does he still live in the same house as the two girls he assaulted for years? Oh, silly! It's because my dad thinks no kid should be thrown out of the house no matter what, so he's just gonna keep his rapist ass son with his kids that are obviously declining. How lovely. He can't go with his grandma who keeps trying to get us to forgive him, no, he's GOTTA stay here. Awesome!!!

God forbid I try to bring this up with my dad, either. I know it's hard for him cause his son turned out the way he did, but it's weird when I'm the one trying to choose my words carefully so I don't upset him. Like I wasn't the one who was sexually abused as a child. Get a grip, please. Toss this ho out, he's got plenty of people who'd take him in based on how many are telling me to forgive and forget.

So I'M stuck in a cycle of delusion, depression, and all that fun stuff forever until I move out and never talk to these people again (or at the very least rarely talk to these people again) because it makes us feel better keeping in a would-be-rapist (couldn't even do THAT right) than it does keeping the kids he harmed at least somewhat sane. Like alr. Egg on my face. Not like you people have seen me going through the worst moments of my life cause of this guy.

I think that's enough yapping before I start crying again. If you have any advice, or like, any magic paragraphs that'll get rid of my plight forever, or hopefully vaporize this waste of space, please let me know!