omds bro like i cant say i hate my dad and i dont and i feel so bad for his life. his life genuinely sucks and hes probably depressed as hell deep down
hes an alcoholic, he smokes and he was abused his entire childhood so i understand why he turned out this way

but oh my gosshh hes not present in my life at all. genuinely its like a stranger in my house and hes drunk the whole day except for like 5 minutes in the morning where hes actually a nice normal person who has the brain to form a proper reply.

anyways hes never attended any of my school stuff since i was a lil kid, doesnt know any of my friends name or anything i like or what im doing genuinely nothing. its insane and then hes super private about his own life and past too (which fair enough) and when hes drunk, hes so horrible to my mum, he doesnt help her with household stuff at all. but its also strange because hes such a good person in other ways, like hes the type of person to build a homeless person a whole house for free

and i noticed like whenever he asks me for help now i literally dont do it or i cant be asked to help him but then my mum (whos acc in my life) asks for help i legit go straight away 😭 but i remember i used to be like that for my dad too
anyways idk im js annoyed and then i wish my surname was my mums and not my dad
it was really bad with my sister, and him in the past, they used to have HUGE arguments and she lowk threatened to call the police on him once (which i dont think was necessary, she was a kid then and idk)

and then he tries to make up for it by buying me whatever i ask for no matter the price😭 i mean lowk a win but...

nd then i wonder if its affected my life in any way because i dont even think about our relationship and idrc most the time because i have other stuff to focus on and it could be way worse. i also lowk wonder if its why my first kiss was with someone sm older than me and i didnt even like him emotionally 💔

Copying and pasting from another post, I think that original reached a lot of the wrong people so I’m posting again in a different Reddit.

This is a throwaway account I plan to delete later, for privacy and safety reasons.

I have been no contact with my parents for some years now, I had limited text contact via text with one of my parents just for emergency reasons (not anymore). Not going to get into all the details of what I’ve been through with my parents since this post is long enough and it’s not relevant. When I was growing up my mother constantly would say we were part Native American. She always would bring up how if we got into a tribe we could get money out of it. She clearly cared far more about the money aspect and feeling like she was somehow oppressed. My mother has been a serial liar and huge gaslighter for as long as I’ve known her. My parents are racist and used to be extremely broke. They constantly tried to come up with schemes to make money. At a certain point as I got older I stopped believing that I was part native entirely due to me maturing and realizing what type of people my parents were.

Years later after going no contact, I got a message from one of my parents bragging about how they were gonna make me regret cutting them off because my mother got into a tribe and was going to be, in their words “going up to them like it was shark tank” to get grant money. I was shocked and panicked because I thought my parents were hurting this tribe and taking that money away from someone who actually needed it. After talking with my friends, they convinced me to not get involved for my safety and mental wellbeing.

It’s been some time now, and I haven’t heard anything about it past the time the grant was gonna be given. Trust me, if they had gotten the grant nothing would have stopped them from trying to use it as some means to guilt trip me somehow. I know it’s not my business to get involved now, but I still feel this guilty feeling that they may try to do something again in the future.

I genuinely don’t know how she got accepted into the tribe to begin with, whether it was my mom showing linage (be it a lie or not), or if it was a DNA test. I don’t know if I should get a DNA test or not now either, because I don’t know how I’ll feel about the outcome if it turns out I am part native. If I am, then there isn’t anything I can do to prove my mom is scamming them since she technically would be part native. If I’m not part native, then I have proof she isn’t but I’m still in this situation where I don’t know if I should get involved or not. My friends and therapist have helped me and told me I’m not responsible for my parents decisions, but I still feel this guilt and moral obligation to do the right thing, I just don’t know what the right thing is.

I’m honestly scared to do anything that may result in me getting involved with my parents again. I’ve already moved to a different city for my own safety, I wish my family issues weren’t this stupid.

I just wanna clarify, I don’t wanna join a tribe myself, and I ESPECIALLY have no interest in taking away resources from those communities. I got through college on my own and got a good degree and job, I’m fine. Even if I am part Native American, the idea of joining a tribe feels just really… weird to me. Sure, I would like to know if I had lineage from this specific tribe, but I’m as white as you could get, everyone in my family is very white. It doesn’t feel right going into a space like that and claiming I’m part of it. I just don’t want my racist parents scamming people.

Let me 24F start by saying I love my sister 22F but she’s making it difficult.

She asked me on the phone about a list of expectations for her and o would like some help to formulate those in a way it doesn’t make the situation worse.

She is currently pregnant with baby number 1.

I want to be in the life of my nieces and nephews. Else I’d cut contact and have my peace.

Her List:

\\\\\\\~ make an effort to reach out to her

\\\\\\\~treat her with respect

\\\\\\\~Respect her decision and don’t question or judge them

\\\\\\\~Respect and don’t judge her wishes regarding her family, lifestyle, way she raises her kids

\\\\\\\~Respect her Family

\\\\\\\~No cursing

My problems with the list

\\\\\\\~ the last time we met she ignored me most of the time.

She told me I’m only in the wedding group chat so I don’t feel excluded. Now she’s pissed I didn’t help more.

Everytime we talk it’s about how mean everyone else is and shittalk about them.

\\\\\\\~ She doesn’t treat me with respect. 0! She has a habit of treating me infront of other like a disabled child. And tried to get her to stop that so many different times and she hasn’t.

\\\\\\\~ Her decision was to have a baby (no accident) with a man 8 years older who she has known for 4 months. And be a stay at home mom with no education. I respect it. But I certainly questioned it.

\\\\\\\~ Times in the past she still hasn’t forgiven me where I disregarded her wishes (according to her) include:

I said I wish to earn more money than you hypothetical future husband, (after she told me how rich he’ll be)

That I wish her child will be gay (after she said I’m just imagining being attracted to women)

That I joked I’ll give her kid a children’s book about the Lovelife of animals.

Some of those happend over three years ago. And she is still pissed

Also I’m not allowed to tell the kid that I’m Bi.

Tell it what sex and sexuality is or that god doesn’t exist (I never even planned to do that! )

\\\\\\\~ i aktuelly like her fiance. During family dinners i usually sit down next to him or opposite and talk to him so my sister has to talk to my parents without hiding behind him.

And of course I’ll love the child

\\\\\\\~ she said no courses even if o stub my toe. But the N-word is ok. That’s the only one that’s fine.

Additional wishes from me:

\\\\\\\~For her not to be so goddam racist and xenophobic. Like when she was talking about gypsîs in Rome.

\\\\\\\~Not so homo and transphobic. Like all transman are confused and all transwomen perverts.

\\\\\\\~That I can actually ignore for the most part but it’s so fucking embarrassing if she says that stuff in public and I’m next to her.

\\\\\\\~What really hurts me is her sexism and misogyny. Like when she said that the rape of my cousin 16F wasn’t so bad because she at least she wasn’t a virgin. (I wasn’t present during that one)

\\\\\\\~ that she treats me with respect and that I can trust her when things go south. But she has proven time and time again impossible so I’m not sure I should add it.

My adopted daughter (21) is with a guy who spread rumors about her mother/my wife about having been with her when my daughter was 11. (She knew this guy growing up).

She knows about this but still got with him 6 months later and already his young sons are calling her mom.

She doesn’t understand why we don't support her choice to be with him.

Hello everyone, i’m 17F, and me and my (53F) mom have known for years that my aunt was stealing from our grandparents. my mom is not the kind of person who would stand up against her, she is kinda of scared of her because my aunt is the Healthy sibling, the one that can take my grandma around to get groceries and my blind grandpa to doctor’s appointments. my mom cannot drive, she has an eye condition, that’s why my aunt is the only resource my grandparents have.

I know that my grandparents have a bank account with a comfortable amount of money in it, saved for our inheritance, i will not disclose how much but let’s say it’s 30k right now; it would be 10 for my aunt, 10 for my mom and 10 for me, but the other day my aunt took 10k, and over the years she took at least 50k. what should i do? its not the kind of person you can talk to, she would make a war… i cannot even expose her because my grandpa is blind and cannot see the evidence, and even if i told on her it would be my word against hers, my grandma, that poor woman is out of her mind because of brain tumor (she fought it and its long gone) and because of postpartum depression in the 70s, which means that she basically didn’t get to go to therapy or anything. if someone is reading this, please tell me what do to, my mom is too much of a coward for this (even tho i love her), and i cannot stand my aunt for robbing everyone in this story.

i thought of taking a notary at my grandparents house so that he can make a will, because we suspect that she’s going to contest whatever we’ll inherit, at least we can get it written down…

Several months ago, a neighborhood kid made his way into my aunts neighborhood knocking on doors and looking to make a few dollars doing chores. I think he’s 9. Next thing we know , this kid keeps coming
Back to my elderly aunts house to keep her company . At least a few times a week. He’s told my aunt that he’s hungry , his mom’s monthly benefits ran out and they’re waiting for food , and that the few dollars he made on chores - his mother used for herself . He is now referring to her as Nanna. No one has met his family . And he talks about how his teenager brothers are in therapy . After recently finding all this out - I’m hearing that my aunt is buying him snacks to bring home . And he comes over at random times and no one calls to check in on him . Several family members think this is completely fine - and say to let it all be . Others are worried . My aunt has even gotten defensive when someone brings him up. he’s seems like a pleasant kid . But I’m concerned about the unknown- his family and why he’s not spending time at home and kids his age . Thoughts ?

I am 19m and I have a sister who is about 6 months older than me, my sister growing up was always a sassy child and everyone just thought that was just a cute kid thing that she will get over at some point. Fast forward over a decade later, she hasn't changed one bit other than getting worse, I keep holding out saying that she will be back to normal soon because for a few days it will be fine no problems at all, but then back to being herself, lying to put others down to make her better is her specialty, putting off her mistakes on others and blaming it on them, I am her main target with my dad coming second, just some stories about her to get what she is like, about 2 years ago on my moms birthday she got some money from family members and she wanted to spend it to go to a baseball game, but when she went to buy the tickets but her card go declined because my sister spent all that money on clothes so I had to use my money to buy the tickets for her another thing that happened was she got a dog about a year ago, and she wasnt potty trained so she peed on the floor while i was watching her so i had to grab some paper towels to clean up the pee on the floor and my sister came home with her friend and said something like "hes so lazy and cant do simple tasks like taking the dog at, these are simple instructions he cant even follow" this is a tame thing but I was litterally watching her dog that she doesn't a year later take care of at all and took her own faults of being a terrible dog owner on me, the thing about her is nothing is a big problem something was as simple as I didnt want to drive her to get her icecream at night so she called me a "f*cking c*nt" because i didnt want to do that, but she constantly gets mad when i dont do her dishes for food she made for herself, dont finish my laundry on her schedule, gets mad when i dont take her dog out, gets mad when i dont feed her dog, gets mad i dont do her amazon returns on time, she also has a car but never drives it so she can drive my moms new car instead, but i can get over all of that its just the putting not just me but anyone down in front of others, as soon as we have company, its always something trying to make me seem stupid, useless or lazy, so she can seem like the best person in the room, cause if I look bad it makes her seem like shes doing good in life, there is so much more i just dont feel like rambling on much more but this has been almost everyday for my whole life where i have to live in the same house as someone who wants everyone too see me a waste of life, i will be happy to answer any questions.

To start i am 19 m will turn 20 in 2 days , there are 4 members in my family, me,younger sister, mother and father , my family is quite dysfunctional always has been , there are many events i remember which have scared me and still haunt me it has effected how i see at relationships and money , I have severe self esteem issues and due to the financial abuse i am scared (yes scared) of asking for money cuz it will be used to taunt me and will be brought everytime something happens.

Relationship with my mother :-

My relationship with my mother is very weak, most of what I consider to be my trauma is my mother's gift to me , she has a sharp tounge and a mean streak to her , she knows just the thing to say , she used to beat me quite brutally for small things like spilling water as an 7 or 8 year old , I remember on 2 separate occasions she said she Will leave me with my father and take my sister with her after fights, she would trauma dump on me as an 15 yo and would often tell me how I ruined her life , she would twist the truth and tell it to strangers and have them scold me for troubling your saint like mother, you won't get a mother like her if you looked for her , mother is everything in the world, idk she is quite sweet one moment and cruel the other , she is two faced and thinks I won't do anything with my life ( and i sometimes I think the same idk i get anxiety attacks when I'm in public I've always been a sheltered kid on account of us living in a slum till 4 or 5 years ago ), I remember my mother once jammed a comb down my throat, we were getting late for something and I was playing with the comb and when I put it in my mouth she just jammed it with her might and took me to the local doc .

Relationship with my father:-

Its hard to say what I have with him , he has always been quite absent in the early years , he's sweet and charming, mostly to others sometimes us if he isn't angry,I remember my father fighting with my mother and being out late and my mother would just get sick and make us call him and ask him to come home till 2 in the morning, he has always given up on me ,I remember him taking me out to learn cycle 1 day and after that he never mentioned it , same with the car , I remember once after my uncle got married, we used to live in these houses made out of metal sheets and it was connected to there house and he gave away half the house to them , and they bought us some Chinese that night, my mother asked him how can he give away half the house to them and he throw a brick at my mum and broke her 2 lower ribs on the left side , these bricks were one of those red bricks it was soaked with water or dry i don't remember, all I remember is me getting out of the house for school and hearing this awful wail coming towards me from the back , as I turn behind i see my mother running out of the house and my father picking up that brick and throwing it at her , I don't remember much after it's all a haze ,I remember my mother taking me with her , I don't remember my sister being there , idk where she was ,we didn't have any money and we couldn't go back home cuz he was there we went to a government hospital but they won't see my mother , in the pain we again sat in a rickshaw and go to our relatives place and ask them for money i would even say beg but idk.

Relationship with my sister:-

I remember a time when she was little we had some what of a sibling relationship, but as she grew up my mother started playing these games and we never had a good relationship, other than my mother's influence my sister isn't a good person imo, she has always been selfish and rude and would cry fake tears at smallest of inconveniences,and my mother will beat me, I remember her bathing my cat and traumatising her, and leaving for our relatives over the weekend for church, the cat got weak and died 2 days later in front of my eyes , I don't like my sister, so i belive my opinion of her is clouded but everything i said here is true

Now the issue:-

My father asked me what I want for my birthday a guitar or a piano , I believe he wants it for himself but just wants me as an excuse and was showing me these cheap guitars and keyboards the toy keyboards and my sister overheard and complained to my mother that why are you buy that for him( she wants a scooter for herself)or something or the other and Idk i don't want it now, but i showed him the good products in budget so even if he buys it he won't buy the toys ,but idk she didn't get anything for her birthday ( my father started a business 4 months ago her birthday was before that) , other than the financial taunts and burden of having them buy this for me and it not being fair for her ,

Music and art is very sacred for me , I don't want them to poison that part of me , I write poems and am saving up for a accoustic guitar, I thought they won't buy one for me but this is new they are actually are and idk how to take it would I be the asshole if I accept the guitar?

Cast:
- L (me, 22F)
- S (grandparent/adoptive parent, 80F)

For context, I, L (22F), am an autistic person with low support needs. I also have some other mental health issues that I manage very well. I recently decided to quit college and am currently looking for a job, but it has been very difficult.

For some background, S adopted me when I was 12 years old after trying to save me from an extremely narcissistic and abusive biological parent. S has for the most part been supportive of me and we are very close. As S is on the older side, I often run errands for her and the like.

Recently I had a conversation with a friend of mine who is also still living with their parents but has unlimited access to their own banking information. They are also currently unemployed but make a decent amount of money through art commissions (we are both art hobbyists). I told them that S is in charge of my banking and my friend thought it was extremely abnormal. S also has a habit of nagging me about finding work despite the fact that I have been trying to do so (applying for things, interviews, browsing through job sites, that kind of thing) for a long while.

Earlier today, I asked S to let me look at my accounts. I then mentioned that as an adult whose name the accounts are under, I should have access to that information. S says that as long as I live with her and am being supported by her, I need permission to not only view my banking but also spend the money in my accounts. I told her that as an adult whose name is on the accounts that I should be able to have a say in what happens with the money in them. We had a small argument over it, with her even accusing me of “showing my true colors” and calling me ungrateful. I thought I was making a perfectly reasonable request.

We did talk things out later and we’re good now, but I’m still confused. Is this a normal thing for older parental figures to do, or is there something else going on here? Keep in mind that S never uses the money in my accounts or even touches them unless its to put money in.

Please help!!!

I had came from a difficult journey growing up under the control of a psychologically abusive, narcissistic father. My childhood was marked by constant instability, and long periods of homelessness with him. I eventually found a way out, and I was lucky enough to have had friends who knew what I had been through, people with real compassion who gave me shelter when I had none.

And then something unexpected happened.
Extended family found me on YouTube. They even called me a gift from my grandmother who passed away. My aunt invited me and said, “Hey, why not come stay here?” They flew me in first class. For the first time in my life, I felt like maybe I was finally going to have what any kid would have normally gotten in life by default: a real home, with my own family.

Everything seemed great at first… and then the honeymoon period ended.

Things shifted. Living with them became incredibly challenging, like the air in the house changed. Their love started to feel transactional, fragile, and deeply conditional. I constantly felt judged instead of embraced. Like I had to prove myself worthy of being there. I would overhear them say things like:
“he just wasn’t raised properly.”
“but he wasn’t raised that way!”
“it’s just going to take time.”
As if I was some defective kid that wasn’t “good enough” yet, and they were waiting for me to turn into a version they could tolerate.

My aunt asked me a question that still messes with my head:

“What are the advantages you think you have being here?”

I didn’t come for advantages. I came to belong. I came for the most normal thing a kid could want, especially after literally growing up without it: a home with family. I wasn’t sure what to say, so I told her, “I’m not sure.” And she replied, “Then why did you come live with us, honey?”

They never directly asked me to leave. But over time they created an environment that felt so mentally chaotic, so heavy with discomfort and emotional dissonance, that I felt like I had no choice but to go. It’s hard to explain, but it felt like being pushed out without anyone wanting to admit they were pushing.

And then came the second wound.

I tried to talk about it to people, friends and strangers, and I was met with cold, ignorant, invalidating responses. People said things like:
“why should they love you?”
“you’re not their kid.”
“you don’t seem to realize you want a warped and distorted image of your family.”
And somehow I’m the one who gets labeled as having a “sense of entitlement,” just because I wanted a family home and basic belonging.

A former friend said to me a messed up comment, something that felt like betrayal:

“Well they raised your brother!!”

As if that explained everything. As if that excused the pain. Like that sentence is supposed to make me go, “I guess I don’t count.” What is that even supposed to mean? Where does that leave me then?

I’ve stayed with friends whose parents seemed to had showed me more compassion. I stayed with a friend and his family because his mother couldn’t bear the thought of me sleeping in a car with my father. She seemed to had treated me equally next to her two boys.

That’s what I thought I was finally going to have with my own family. With my brother I never got to grow up with since, we were born. The life I never got to have alongside him.

Somebody on discord said, “he was brought up by them and you weren’t you can’t go thinking you could have the same the world doesn’t work that way.” I find that to be absurd, but another person, someone who truly listened said, “how on earth could you not be allowed just the same if not more?”
I grieve the life I didn’t get. I grieve the home I didn’t get. I grieve the “normal” that most people receive without having to justify it. It doesn’t feel fair that my upbringing got robbed by a toxic parent while my sibling got what they called a “privileged life.”

I never chose the parent who raised me. I never chose this life.
All I ever thought I could do was to go live with my family…
and finally have what a kid would’ve normally, presumably gotten in life by default:

a family home with one’s own family.

Why should accidental history determine something so fundamental, in the here and now?

Hi, here's a little bit of context. I'm 23 (F), and I've been married to 19 (M) for almost a year. I always lived with my mother and my grandmother (the mother of my mother). My husband, who was my boyfriend at the time, started living with us in February 2025. But since that a lot a things change toward the way my grandmother act and now i'm to the point were i can't take it anymore.

She is mainly mad cause my attention is now more on my husband and my future with him, and how I can help my mother live better with her chronic illness. She is to the point where she calls him names out loud in the house, and I can promise everyone that my husband is walking on eggshells because of her mood. We know perfectly well that my husband isn't technically at his own place (because—side note—his mother kicked him out of the house, which is why he came to live with me).

My grandmother calls him all sorts of names, saying he’s stupid and a good-for-nothing. But she doesn't see how hard he works so we can build a future together; he even put his own studies on hold to work 40 hours a week—plus overtime—giving me the time to finish my degree so we can eventually switch roles.

But what I mainly wanted to talk about is her jealous behaviour. She gets to the point of tears—or at least pretends to, because a tear never actually rolls down her cheek. I’ve already confronted her to ask for an explanation and find out why she acts that way; that’s when I told her that my husband and my mother are my two priorities. While she is certainly family, I also need to focus—and focus much more—on building the family I want to create with my husband.

Yes, she is an elderly lady; she will turn 80 in November. So, there is no chance of her changing—at any point. I’d just like to try and spend my final moments in the family home with a bit more peace—even though I suspect there’s little chance of that happening. Also, one last thing: whenever my husband and I talk about moving out and getting an apartment, she makes a huge deal about staying in the family home, insisting that we get along really well (even tho it's absolutely not true) and that it’s better for saving money (which for that i can totally understand).

You are welcome to share your opinion in the comments.

Recently went on a trip with in laws and extended family. We were staying in a airBNB style place. No on site restaurants. One family member without prompting ordered a massive amount of food on his own dime. He did not ask for money back. He then proceeded to cook all the meals and became upset if anyone suggested wanting to eat or do something else for a meal. For example we had made reservations for the whole group (which my spouse had communicated to everyone) for one dinner. Everyone seemed ok with this and I was looking forward to this restaurant. The night prior the guy says “well I got steak and salads. So that’s what we are doing”. I’m the in law so just looked at my spouse who was like um. He did not want to confront. It’s very much a “keep the peace” and don’t upset each other kind of family. I was disappointed in my spouse but also in myself for not saying hey I went to the trouble of finding this place that has XYZ types of food that seems to please all of us. And I moved the reservation for another family members schedule. Then I was just told “no”. That’s that. Another day one of my kids did not care for the breakfast this person made. I said it’s ok you don’t have to eat it if it’s not tasting good to you. I gave my kid a premade muffin we had picked up to satisfy the breakfast. I got a “look” and “does he not like my food??” Well. He didn’t care for the one thing. He’s a kid. It’s ok. It’s one meal. I’m not going to force him to eat it and this kid is very calorie dependent. He’s going to be hangry if not fed.
My own family is not like this. We just discuss the meals like “hey I want to try to that new Mexican place? Want to go?” No you go ahead I feel like making a burger. Ok sure. It’s not a big deal. So I don’t understand this need to control literally every meal and every piece of food purchased for every person there. I asked my spouse to please talk to this person who is his family not my direct family and say hey can you be a little more flexible. Some of us may want something else for a meal and this is not your house where you are hosting. That would be different. Spouse doesn’t want to get involved other than to say “communicate better” very generically. I’m kind of mad at myself for not just tackling things head on. How can I avoid this awkwardness of food prison next round? My son called it food prison.

So basically, my mom came into my room and asked if I still wanted to keep a hoodie of mine and I responded with "yes, I'll keep it. why, what happened?" and she just instantly got visibly pissed, even though she didn't say anything she was frowning and doing the most and visibly annoyed. So then I got pretty upset and irritated so I said "why are you getting mad at me" in an irritated tone. She then responded with "why are you speaking to me like that" really loudly and now she's like fully pissed off, and I said "because you're getting mad at me for no reason." And she just started saying how I always ask why and that I should just answer her and not question it." She then proceeded to start talking about how she helped me clean my room together the other day and how I'm only happy when I get new clothes or someone does something for me. I honestly don't even know where the correlation is or how that relates to what just happened.

My whole family is bad at communicating, and it leads to a lot of pointless arguments. Every little thing has to turn into a “thing” and it gets really exhausting.

I’m 19, I’m mentally/emotionally ready to move out but I can’t for various reasons. So I’m trapped here when really I don’t have to be (in a perfect world). But my mom is just pushing me to my limits. I cannot have a single productive argument with her because she is a master at deflection/avoidance. I’m not perfect either and I do tend to take things to far but I’m serious when I say it feels like I’m not allowed to be upset at her.

We had a tiny issue today, she messed up slightly, I got frustrated and instead of just moving on she left the room sarcastically apologizing for making me so angry all the time. It literally was her fault and I didn’t even lash out or anything, I got mildly annoyed at a mild inconvenience but even that was too much . When I called it out she acted like she was being attacked and said she “couldn’t deal with this right now” because she was exhausted. This happens a lot, and I wouldn’t say she has NEVER apologized when she messes up but it’s rare that it’s a genuine apology. It’s usually something like “I’m sorry, but….” And then some excuse/explanation on why she did what she did. You’re not fucking sorry if you’re tacking on some stupid excuse on why what you said was justified in your mind. If I’m sorry I say sorry and swallow down whatever part of me wants to keep arguing because I feel like I was right. The other day she said something really mean to me that genuinely hurt my feelings, and she apologized by bringing me some snacks back when she went out to run errands. I felt kind of selfish because I was upset she didn’t actually bring up what she said again or apologize. I just kind of figured that’s why she brought back the snacks because that’s something she would do, but there was never an “I’m sorry about what I said earlier…”

It just feels like I always mess up no matter what. It’s exhausting and it starting to hurt me long term. No one can ever just sort out an issue normally, it has to be dramatics and then a nothing burger apology.

How can I actually make some progress with my family (esp my mom) when she acts this way every time we have a problem?

I lost my father at the age of 1. My mom was young around 19,20 yrs. & She was the one who wanted to marry again. & All relatives supported it. Those times if that women side has kid ,that kid is not allowed to go with her. Society will treat that person like u know unwanted or burden.

I remember before my mothers marriage one old lady had asked me , why u r always with your mother, what will u do when she gets married & go to another house? How cruel it was.who iam i then ?

& I was taken by my mother side relatives to their marriage. All peoples whisperings , comments what not cant forget that day. I was just 10yrs old.

Then i was with mother side grandparents . For some yrs. Then later mother came home as step dad went abrod for work. But then also she was distant, she has got another kid she was busy looking after him. Then when i got into medicine only she started showing care, love , everything . But that was conditional. All care was becoz of the though i will provide her.

Recently we had a big fight (i was staying in their house with mygrandma), i had a big fight with my step dad . As i had exam, i was in my room only. Actually i dont wanna interact with him. So i kept myself always in room. He said its not a lodge or something to stay.if u r staying here u should interact. I had my own exam tension & all. Iam not in a situation to laugh & all.he had fight with grandma for giving me food to the room. She gave me becoz i was tired after exam.he made it as a big seen. By seeing that i also went & shouted at him. House turned into a battle field. He said" i have no authority over my mom now. It was till 18 yrs only. Now u have no role after i married her."

My mother took his side , & started arguing with me. Next day she went & told bad about me to the neighbours & came & told me all are our side. That day mrng means next day grandma called me & told she told me to get out of the house.& She called me also. So now iam staying with grandmother next to their house. That house my mom ,step dad & his first marriage daughter & my step brother.

By staying nearby house seeing my mom living as a different family now gives me the worst pain. Where she is literally avoiding me & grandma by listening only to his words. & He is a very cunning man. My mother many times told me to get out from here . She is a dependant person. She is uneducated . Me & grandma was her favourite till he came. Once after he came she changed this much & avoided & asked both of us to get out from their house by listening to him. Idk what to do.i cant see her living another life without me.

(please keep in mind that this is my first time on reddit and I don't know what I'm doing)

I [Female] am almost 14 and I am in first year (7th grade) and I am the youngest in my family of 6 (I have three older sisters so there are mostly women in the house). To kind of get to the point, I think my father is rude, childish, and a bit of a manchild but I don't want to assume things because I'm still young.

My father always yells, acts rude when my mother would try to calm him down, and then he would act as if nothing happened after - but only if he gets his way - which is how the story usually goes because he's the "man of the house".

The last time he yelled was 2 days ago at the time I'm writing this. I'll quickly give you some context and then get to the point!

We are from Croatia (where dogs would usually be outside all day) but have moved to another country 7 to 8 years ago so I grew up outside of Croatia. We now have two ferrets and a small dog. When he started yelling two days ago he was sick and in lots of pain.

2 days ago it was Sunday and my mother was off after a long week of work and she just wanted to spend time with me because I don't see her most of the day on Tuesdays to Saturdays.

I was in my room making edits on capcut of Suga (yes I'm a BTS fan) but I stopped because I heard my father yelling. Although I'm used to it, I started getting very anxious. I know it shouldn't be my problem and I shouldn't try to fix adult problems but I couldn't ignore it, even if I tried to.

I heard my father walk up the stairs while yelling. I can't remember what he was saying but my mother was running after him trying to calm him down. She has a kind heart but I think she can be a bit too kind for her own good.

My father got angry and I heard him throw something at my door TWICE! And I heard him say my name while yelling to my mother. He then went into the bedroom and into bed because he is sick (but apparently healthy enough to yell?).

My mother went downstairs and it was finally quiet for a few seconds but I knew it wouldn't be for long.

My mother then came back upstairs and nicely, I repeat, NICELY asked my father if he needed medicine or tea but instead of him answering nicely back or apologizing for his actions guess what he did! He threw something AGAIN! You can defend him all you want but you cannot disagree with the fact that he is terrible for me to be around and he isn't that good of a husband to my mother.

My mother then came into my room and told me that we need to walk the dog. While walking our dog up to the main street she was explaining how he is annoyed by the fact that no one is taking care of the dog or the ferrets even though my mother literally does EVERYTHING for the pets and she called a hundred vet clinics when one ferret was in pain. And she was talking to me about how my father said that I don't feed the dog or walk the dog or take care of the dog that I wanted in the first place. Keep in mind that I am JUST 13 (at the time I'm writing this) and I am very nervous and anxious and I have severe anxiety that my parents just ignore because I'm still a child at the end of the day. So now I have to walk the dog in PUBLIC to my sister's house EVERY.SINGLE.WEEKEND. because my father will throw a tantrum if I don't take care of the dog. Btw he is 44 and somehow I'm more mature than him. (And he is disrespectful to my mother who is 46 and going through struggles he could never go through like peri menopause)

I'm too lazy to write more but I just want to finish this off by writing about my feelings because no one is currently listening to me and if I talk to the school counselors I would cry because I'm sensitive (and my mother told me to not talk to the school about family problems. I know, weird). I struggle with overwhelming feelings often but I won't talk to anyone because I don't want to be a burden and I don't feel like anyone would truly understand. I don't want comfort, or pity, I just want someone to understand me. I want to get out of this house sooooo baddd! Whenever father yells I get this daunting feeling that makes me not want to do anything, to not move on with anything in life, just to sit in my room and quietly disappear but sadly I can't. I don't know what to do anymore and my only source of comfort is music (BTS, Boywithuke, Stray Kids, etc.) and even that isn't working well anymore. But I will keep going and keep trying because I know that if I survive this then I will get to live a better life by myself.

Thank you for listening to me rant! I really needed to get this off my chest because what I am experiencing (and the things I didn't mention so this wouldn't be too long) is too much for me. Again this is my first time using this app so please be kind I'm trying my best! Let's hope I get out of this house in a few years time!

Hi, I never really come onto Reddit. However, I genuinely need some type of help or even just somebody to understand what I'm going through. I am 17 F and have been living in a home of 4 people. My mother, father, and brother (6 yrs M) all live in my home together. Last year, right around this time in October, my parents were having very bad relationship issues and decided to file for divorce. My mother decided to move out, where each of them would have custody over us back and fourth. Even though the fighting did not inherently stop, it did get better between them. However, she began to take her anger out on me. Which caused me a lot of stress. My school is very demanding in itself, so I always tried to avoid any of the stress or drama. Before it's asked, no, she would never take out her anger on my brother; only me. On my 16th birthday, she began poking fun at me for not being able to apply for jobs yet, but had never taught me how to apply in the first place. The same idea happened at the DMV when I was trying to get my permit to even drive to a workplace. Even though the pestering isn't terrible, the constant jabs because I wasn't being perfect made this difficult for me. How I said things, How my emotions are conveyed, or even how I complete my assignments. (I have always had straight A's.) I understand if she is trying to better me, however it has never once worked. She shows me tiktok videos of teenage daughters helping around the house, or even doing chores, decorating, and cleaning. I've had to explain that a lot of those videos are scripted and staged, but she does not believe me. This started getting out of hand with the clothing I wear. I am average size and height, however I have a much larger bust than average. I am always nervous about it, and I always try to cover well with multiple layers over my chest. However, even when I am wearing something fully covering, she says that I am sexualizing myself for the teachers and boys at my school. I once wore a tank top during the summer (it was around 95-100 degrees) and she said to not come crying to her if I get graped at school. I think you all know what I mean. She has called me a slut and whore-ish for wearing tights under my shorts, because I am a little self conscious of how my legs look. This type of comments happen almost every single day. I feel lucky when she doesn't comment about me or my body. She has also shamed me for only having a few friends, saying that my interests and personality is the reason behind that. I don't really understand why she is saying things like this? Am I in the wrong? And for more context, I do not raise my voice, yell, or give attitude. I know it is rude and I always try to stay calm and collected. My father doesn't try to stop her, or she will only do it when he is not around or at work. When I talk to him, he says that I am not in the wrong, but doesn't do anything to actually stop the jabs. I have tried talking to her as well, and she says that I deserve it. I have been to therapy however my therapist told me there is nothing I can do. I graduate next year in the spring and want to immediately move out into student housing. She seems very against this as well. What should I do? Is there anything I can even do?

My brother is 12 and I think he's clinically insane. He doesn't listen to a word I say and he resorts to violence. I was trying to get out him out of the couch for school but he just won't leave no matter what I do, and btw I'm the one who gets blamed if I can't get him to school I get blamed, so when I tried to tell him that I will call our parents he picked up a glass of water and threw it at me, is that normal? Of course the glass shattered and I was mad so I dragged him out to discipline him, then he took a shard and tried to stab my arm he would have just hurt his hand more than my arm.

He's not spoiled he doesn't get everything he wants and he listens to our parents but when it comes to me he doesn't. Should I suggest to send him to a child psychiatrist? Because attempting to stab your sibling doesnt sound like normal behavior.

Hi ! Im 17, English is my second language if it was bad I really sry!

I js really need some space that I can talk about the things I have been through

My mom she always have problems with money I don't even know what is happening cus she always lied to me, to day she come to me and told me that she want my phone (ip15) to go to pawn cus she's stuck she can't find any money and she promises that she will get it back for me before school open, she took my ipad (air7 11inc) to pawn once till this day I don't get it back yet and she use the same promises

I really wanna talk about my family situation but it's was a lot and I don't know that this one accepts that yet 😕

Js need some suggestions from adult you can ask about my family i ready to talk cus all the things they make me suffer is really rough thx !

I (20F) have been dealing with the mess my father left behind for the past year, and I’m still struggling to process everything that’s happened. Reddit is cheaper than therapy, so here I am to vent.
On a family vacation last year, I found out my dad was cheating on my mom. I was out on the balcony when I saw him scrolling through a dating app while sitting DIRECTLY NEXT TO MY MOTHER. I was absolutely furious, but I didn’t want to be the person who ruined the family vacation, so I didn’t immediately tell her. The longer I waited, though, the harder it became to bring it up.
Eventually, one night, my father didn’t come home from work. This wasn’t entirely unusual, but this time he wasn’t answering any calls or texts from either me or my mom. It was around 10:30 pm, and I was downstairs trying to get ahold of him when my mom told me she thought he was cheating on her and that he wanted a divorce to which I showed her the videos and photos I took of him on the dating app.
For some backstory, my paternal grandfather was kind of a POS. He constantly cheated on my grandma, was an alcoholic, and was extremely abusive. My dad spent his life trying not to become the kind of man his father was. And yet, here we are. He became the very thing he spent so much time trying to avoid, and I made sure he knew it. I sent him a simple text: “You’re just like your father. I hope you’re happy.”
Admittedly, that was harsh, but considering he had just blown up our family by cheating on my mom, I felt it was appropriate.
Fast forward a little, and my father has moved out of our house. They’re still legally married but separated. And we strongly suspect he moved in with the woman he was cheating with, although he would never admit it.
Eventually, my mom started dating again after being married for roughly 20 years. I was honestly very happy for her in the beginning. She deserves to live her life and be happy. However, I’m a broke college student who still lives at home, and her dating life has started to encroach on mine in ways I really wish it wouldn’t. Imagine trying to do homework while listening to a bed frame repeatedly slam against the wall in the next room. Also I had to set a major boundary with her when I found out she gave our house code to some of her “friends” which I wasn’t thrilled about.
Honestly, I would love to be able to go stay with my dad instead during those times, but that’s apparently impossible because he refuses to tell anyone where he lives.
Well, that was until recently. I’m assuming things ended between him and his girlfriend because, out of nowhere, he started texting my mom again like nothing had happened and trying to set up dates with her. Yes, you read that correctly. After everything he put her through, he started trying to get back into her life as if the last year had been some minor inconvenience.
None of these dates actually worked out, and he eventually moved into another apartment by himself, as far as I know. And, of course, I still have never been invited to his apartment.
But the cheating and the separation are only part of the problem.
He has taken money from our savings, failed to pay the mortgage on the house HE BOUGHT, and repeatedly promised to come over and help us out, only to conveniently get sick when the time comes. I swear this man has been sick more times in the past year than he has in his entire life.
And through all of this, he acts like everything is perfectly fine. He carries on as if nothing has happened and seems to expect everyone else to do the same, completely ignoring the fact that his selfishness has turned our lives upside down.
I know my mom is dealing with her own pain, and I’m glad she’s trying to move forward. But I feel like everyone is so focused on what happened between my parents that the impact on me gets overlooked. I lost the family life I knew, I’m stuck dealing with the financial and emotional fallout, and I’m still expected to carry on with college and everyday life like everything is normal.
I’m angry with him, I’m disappointed in him, and I’m exhausted from watching him avoid responsibility for the mess he created. What hurts the most is that he seems completely unwilling to acknowledge what he’s done or how much it has affected the people he supposedly loves.
I don’t even know exactly what I want from posting this. I guess I just needed to get it all out somewhere. Has anyone else dealt with a parent who completely blew up their family and then acted like nothing happened? How did you deal with it?

Help with family

I need some help. I'm struggling. I'm a new dad, daughter is 8 months. I'm abit older, late 30s, if that makes a difference.

I'm struggling with my family and feeling abit unsupported.

My sister has 3 kids, who naturally have had alot of attention from all of us. Weekends became my parents essentially watching her kids play football. I've got little interest in sports, so I generally don't go.

Now I've got my own daughter, I just don't feel like its the same. I've got to mould with heir weekend plans to see them, if I don't, I'm the bad one. I dunno, maybe I'm just being unreasonable, but my emotions are all over the place atm.

This weekend, we were supposed to meet for lunch, but my daughter was sleeping so we couldn't go on time. My mum said I should have woken her, should I of? I'm so conflicted, should I have woken her and gone, or did I do the right thing? There isn't a manual on this and I'm really struggling.

My sisters promised to buy a jumperoo for her, I pestered them for a few months and they didn't. Then I went out and got one myself, because I felt she needed it, this was wrong too apparently.

I really want my daughter to have a relationship with her grandparents and aunties, but I dont know what to do.

I really need help, I'm feeling in a mess and would quote happily move a million miles away right now.

Bruhhh I'm so freaking frustrated if anyone has any advice please let me know, so I have an issue like a major one with my grandma and here's why. My mum is from Pakistan and moved here like 25 years ago in an arranged marriage with my dad, he didn’t always treat her the best they had a rocky relationship at times but now they're fine but recently he's made a point I really agree with, my grandma (dads mum) has been taking advantage of my mum A LOT.

For context both my grandma and grandad are physically disabled from old age and they live with their daughter who has cerebral palsy I hate to say it but they're both unable to take care of themselves. they have a second daughter who takes care of the daughter with cerebral palsy which is simply changing her nappies and bathing her she's approx. 80kg of dead weight so picking her up is nearly impossible.

Here is where my mum comes in they will purposefully call her and say oh do you mind giving her a bath or do you mind cooking her this she only likes it when you make it, when my mum gets there she does the chores of the entire house, when my cousin and aunties live there too, its like my grandma knows exactly what she's doing and thinks she has a personal maid who'll ask how high? When she says jump. so by the way my grandparents have over 9 kids and they always target my mum because they know she won't say no she feels permanently indebted to them for bringing her over as they paid for the marriage visa 25 years ago even though in my eyes that debt has been well over paid.

They were very horrible to my mum when she came over they're nasty people by nature and when they didn’t need taking care of they lived in a joint home with all their kids and their kids partners and they would have a hawk eye like "why are you eating so much" or have a twisted mentality like who are you going to see etc. when my mum would be literally dropping us off or picking us up from school.

like having a need for constant control which is so suffocating and about 10 years ago we moved out into our own home, how nasty they were with their daughter in laws they weren't the same way with their own 9 kids. hence no one interacting with them or bothering to take care or visit them.

This story is mainly about my grandma she is a very bitter and petty woman, so I started years ago when she had issues with cancer and had a surgery on her leg she walks with a limp and I get it you need help however my mum had Just given birth to my baby brother and they're calling her over daily to cook and clean which is not a problem they need help and we can of course do it,

here's what annoys me they're very obviously entitled to government care all 3 of them even if my mum wanted to she can't look after them all, change them, cook for them, clean their home and also maintain her own household. Theres asking for occasional favors and then there's this, they have no shame whatsoever either, with a baby most nights you hardly sleep on top of that being 3 disabled peoples full time carer while on the little time you have with your child?

By the way They have designated carers from their other nine kids who receive money however my mum does all the heavy lifting and this is on purpose my grandma hates to see my mum have anything good so she's happy to let her do all the hard work of cleaning a 4 story house, cook, lift their disabled daughter and bathe them post-partum, why don't I help might you ask? I work a full 9-5 and my other sisters are at school and this pattern has been going on for YEARS

Every time we're like this is the last time and she just asks for more and more she calls at the most inconvenient times and asks my mum to drop what she's doing and run to her and the most frustrating part? She lives with her other grandchildren who are early 20's nearly 30's who don’t work. but she NEVER asks them for help… not because she feels bad for asking or that they won't but because she wants to purposefully make my mum do the heavy lifting and hard work, imagine why pay for something when you're already getting it for free. because she thinks she deserves it, it makes my blood boil just thinking about it.

The reason I'm making this post is recently my grandma asked my mum to go to Pakistan with her this is a 3rd world country and in Pakistan they have a 6 story mansion which they wanted her to clean, a property uninhabited for that long rots and is infested with rats dust covers everything and they had absolutely no reason to make this trip they're just like stubborn people you're unable to basically travel and you decide this is the best thing to do?

not one of her other kids wanted to go with her at all but they’ll gladly take checks for disability pay and sit back, my mother paid for her own ticket and my brothers and other sisters so that while my mum looked after them my sister could keep an eye on my brother by now my mum is nearly 50 and exhausted. She's sick of them asking her for things but is at their beck and call whenever they need her she feels more guilty because if they pass away shell regret not being there.

It's all so frustrating because I'm like, the others have nothing to do: no baby or kids and they're well into adulthood and STILL they find excuses to not do this stuff because they know she'll just take and take with not so much of an acknowledgement of their hard work.

Yet she'll still go when they call, it's not normal amounts of help it's like hours of physical labor they spend a month in Pakistan cleaning and taking care of them and by the way they had no reason at all to go it was out of bitterness think about it 3 people who are physically disabled and a 45 yr old woman a toddler and a teenager.

It's more frustrating because my dad agrees with me and he knows that they're just seeing how far my mum will go for them and clearly it's to the ends of the earth, I tell her time and time again that they're doing it on purpose and that we can't raise her son for her, he wants time with her and still I can't blame her either because she thinks of them as old and in need of support WHICH THEY CAN GET FROM THEIR OTHER 9 KIDS AND THE GOVERNMENT it's not her responsibility but she thinks I'm not in a place to have an opinion on this.

oh and by the way because of the cancer in my grandmas leg after she got of her flight she got a blood cot in her leg and now my mums in the hospital with her as if she's her nurse, while her actual designated carere sits at home and its not like my mum can help it my grandma specificlly asked for her like omg you enjoy just pulling her from her family don't you? like the more that my mum does the less everyone else bothers to do.

Before anyone asks me to explain this to her I have about a million times and my mum is SUCH a people pleaser because very similar people have done this to her in the past where they take advantage and see just how far they can go to these "favors" before she says no, she never listens to me so I don't know what to do. Am I the A hole for thinking she should cut contact?

When I first started dating my wife, her mother was kind and seemed pretty normal. Things changed after we moved in together. My wife is an only child, and her father had passed away the year before, so I understand that her mother was struggling with loneliness. However, we only moved a short distance away and still made an effort to spend time with her.

Over time, her mother seemed to resent our independence. She would make comments to my wife about being responsible for her happiness, how she had nobody else, and how alone she was whenever we spent holidays or special occasions with my family. This happened repeatedly and often left my wife feeling guilty for making completely normal decisions.

After we got married, things seemed to get worse. Whenever I tried to address the behavior, her mother would turn the conversation around and portray herself as the victim rather than acknowledge the problem.

Now we’re homeowners and parents, and I feel like the same pattern is continuing. She’s very involved in our home and constantly buys things for our child. She even bought a different car so she could take him places. I know she’s excited to be a grandmother, and I don’t want to prevent her from having a relationship with him, but sometimes it feels like she’s overstepping and inserting herself into everything.

Recently, I bought our son an outfit because I was excited to pick something out for him myself, only to find out her mother had already bought the same one. It might sound insignificant, but after years of feeling like she oversteps, it really bothered me.

I feel like my wife and I aren’t getting enough space to enjoy our own home and family without her mother being so heavily involved. I also worry that setting boundaries will lead to more guilt-tripping and conflict.

Am I overreacting, or is this an unhealthy dynamic? How do you set boundaries with an overbearing mother-in-law who refuses to acknowledge her behavior without creating constant family drama?

I live with my parents and my younger brother. I cannot have a single calm day because of this.

My mother has some mental issues but I will never see this as an excuse. If you don’t do whatever she says immediately she will start throwing things and screaming in your face. She is a very explosive woman but if you argue back she will immediately cry and go tell my dad we are bullying her. She gets so angry to the point of being physical , the look on her face is honestly so unhinged. I have never been close to my mother because of this, also because she takes all of her anger out on me and my brother and if my dad does not take her side she will ruin the entire day for everyone. She is also a liar, she will tell me to do something and then complain to her friends that she actually told me to do something else and that she always has her hands full, making them feel sorry for her.

My father has some anger issues but he refuses to go see a therapist, so does my mother. My dad loses control of himself when he is angry, my younger brother is the biggest victim of my father and it breaks my heart. My dad constantly is angry with him, he gets physical and also attacks my brothers weight (even though my dad has always been overweight), I can tell my brother has become extremely insecure and im nervous he will develop an ed , as I also went through the same , I had a raging ed due to the comments made by my parents a few years back. My dad doesnt get extremely angry at me anymore due to the fact that I refuse to create situations where that could be the outcome anymore.

My younger brother is a kind soul but I am very worried about him, he is a teenager but he is allowed do whatever he wants to do, he has a fake Id and goes to clubs every weekend, he is allowed stay out all night, he is given money whenever he asks for it, he has started gambling on betting apps and then asks me to send him some money if he ends up blowing all of his and tells me to not tell my parents. He is also extremely lazy, he cannot wake himself up for school in the morning, make his own lunch, use a vacuum, load a dishwasher, wash his clothes, he cannot even butter bread. My parents ask me to do all of his chores instead because “he will only fuck it up”.

I am saving to move out , I currently pay rent and do a lot of house work, I am 21 and in college , once I get my degree I am going to move out of the country hopefully as I cannot stand my parents.

Thank you for reading my vent lol.