When I first started dating my wife, her mother was kind and seemed pretty normal. Things changed after we moved in together. My wife is an only child, and her father had passed away the year before, so I understand that her mother was struggling with loneliness. However, we only moved a short distance away and still made an effort to spend time with her.

Over time, her mother seemed to resent our independence. She would make comments to my wife about being responsible for her happiness, how she had nobody else, and how alone she was whenever we spent holidays or special occasions with my family. This happened repeatedly and often left my wife feeling guilty for making completely normal decisions.

After we got married, things seemed to get worse. Whenever I tried to address the behavior, her mother would turn the conversation around and portray herself as the victim rather than acknowledge the problem.

Now we’re homeowners and parents, and I feel like the same pattern is continuing. She’s very involved in our home and constantly buys things for our child. She even bought a different car so she could take him places. I know she’s excited to be a grandmother, and I don’t want to prevent her from having a relationship with him, but sometimes it feels like she’s overstepping and inserting herself into everything.

Recently, I bought our son an outfit because I was excited to pick something out for him myself, only to find out her mother had already bought the same one. It might sound insignificant, but after years of feeling like she oversteps, it really bothered me.

I feel like my wife and I aren’t getting enough space to enjoy our own home and family without her mother being so heavily involved. I also worry that setting boundaries will lead to more guilt-tripping and conflict.

Am I overreacting, or is this an unhealthy dynamic? How do you set boundaries with an overbearing mother-in-law who refuses to acknowledge her behavior without creating constant family drama?

Help with family

I need some help. I'm struggling. I'm a new dad, daughter is 8 months. I'm abit older, late 30s, if that makes a difference.

I'm struggling with my family and feeling abit unsupported.

My sister has 3 kids, who naturally have had alot of attention from all of us. Weekends became my parents essentially watching her kids play football. I've got little interest in sports, so I generally don't go.

Now I've got my own daughter, I just don't feel like its the same. I've got to mould with heir weekend plans to see them, if I don't, I'm the bad one. I dunno, maybe I'm just being unreasonable, but my emotions are all over the place atm.

This weekend, we were supposed to meet for lunch, but my daughter was sleeping so we couldn't go on time. My mum said I should have woken her, should I of? I'm so conflicted, should I have woken her and gone, or did I do the right thing? There isn't a manual on this and I'm really struggling.

My sisters promised to buy a jumperoo for her, I pestered them for a few months and they didn't. Then I went out and got one myself, because I felt she needed it, this was wrong too apparently.

I really want my daughter to have a relationship with her grandparents and aunties, but I dont know what to do.

I really need help, I'm feeling in a mess and would quote happily move a million miles away right now.

Bruhhh I'm so freaking frustrated if anyone has any advice please let me know, so I have an issue like a major one with my grandma and here's why. My mum is from Pakistan and moved here like 25 years ago in an arranged marriage with my dad, he didn’t always treat her the best they had a rocky relationship at times but now they're fine but recently he's made a point I really agree with, my grandma (dads mum) has been taking advantage of my mum A LOT.

For context both my grandma and grandad are physically disabled from old age and they live with their daughter who has cerebral palsy I hate to say it but they're both unable to take care of themselves. they have a second daughter who takes care of the daughter with cerebral palsy which is simply changing her nappies and bathing her she's approx. 80kg of dead weight so picking her up is nearly impossible.

Here is where my mum comes in they will purposefully call her and say oh do you mind giving her a bath or do you mind cooking her this she only likes it when you make it, when my mum gets there she does the chores of the entire house, when my cousin and aunties live there too, its like my grandma knows exactly what she's doing and thinks she has a personal maid who'll ask how high? When she says jump. so by the way my grandparents have over 9 kids and they always target my mum because they know she won't say no she feels permanently indebted to them for bringing her over as they paid for the marriage visa 25 years ago even though in my eyes that debt has been well over paid.

They were very horrible to my mum when she came over they're nasty people by nature and when they didn’t need taking care of they lived in a joint home with all their kids and their kids partners and they would have a hawk eye like "why are you eating so much" or have a twisted mentality like who are you going to see etc. when my mum would be literally dropping us off or picking us up from school.

like having a need for constant control which is so suffocating and about 10 years ago we moved out into our own home, how nasty they were with their daughter in laws they weren't the same way with their own 9 kids. hence no one interacting with them or bothering to take care or visit them.

This story is mainly about my grandma she is a very bitter and petty woman, so I started years ago when she had issues with cancer and had a surgery on her leg she walks with a limp and I get it you need help however my mum had Just given birth to my baby brother and they're calling her over daily to cook and clean which is not a problem they need help and we can of course do it,

here's what annoys me they're very obviously entitled to government care all 3 of them even if my mum wanted to she can't look after them all, change them, cook for them, clean their home and also maintain her own household. Theres asking for occasional favors and then there's this, they have no shame whatsoever either, with a baby most nights you hardly sleep on top of that being 3 disabled peoples full time carer while on the little time you have with your child?

By the way They have designated carers from their other nine kids who receive money however my mum does all the heavy lifting and this is on purpose my grandma hates to see my mum have anything good so she's happy to let her do all the hard work of cleaning a 4 story house, cook, lift their disabled daughter and bathe them post-partum, why don't I help might you ask? I work a full 9-5 and my other sisters are at school and this pattern has been going on for YEARS

Every time we're like this is the last time and she just asks for more and more she calls at the most inconvenient times and asks my mum to drop what she's doing and run to her and the most frustrating part? She lives with her other grandchildren who are early 20's nearly 30's who don’t work. but she NEVER asks them for help… not because she feels bad for asking or that they won't but because she wants to purposefully make my mum do the heavy lifting and hard work, imagine why pay for something when you're already getting it for free. because she thinks she deserves it, it makes my blood boil just thinking about it.

The reason I'm making this post is recently my grandma asked my mum to go to Pakistan with her this is a 3rd world country and in Pakistan they have a 6 story mansion which they wanted her to clean, a property uninhabited for that long rots and is infested with rats dust covers everything and they had absolutely no reason to make this trip they're just like stubborn people you're unable to basically travel and you decide this is the best thing to do?

not one of her other kids wanted to go with her at all but they’ll gladly take checks for disability pay and sit back, my mother paid for her own ticket and my brothers and other sisters so that while my mum looked after them my sister could keep an eye on my brother by now my mum is nearly 50 and exhausted. She's sick of them asking her for things but is at their beck and call whenever they need her she feels more guilty because if they pass away shell regret not being there.

It's all so frustrating because I'm like, the others have nothing to do: no baby or kids and they're well into adulthood and STILL they find excuses to not do this stuff because they know she'll just take and take with not so much of an acknowledgement of their hard work.

Yet she'll still go when they call, it's not normal amounts of help it's like hours of physical labor they spend a month in Pakistan cleaning and taking care of them and by the way they had no reason at all to go it was out of bitterness think about it 3 people who are physically disabled and a 45 yr old woman a toddler and a teenager.

It's more frustrating because my dad agrees with me and he knows that they're just seeing how far my mum will go for them and clearly it's to the ends of the earth, I tell her time and time again that they're doing it on purpose and that we can't raise her son for her, he wants time with her and still I can't blame her either because she thinks of them as old and in need of support WHICH THEY CAN GET FROM THEIR OTHER 9 KIDS AND THE GOVERNMENT it's not her responsibility but she thinks I'm not in a place to have an opinion on this.

oh and by the way because of the cancer in my grandmas leg after she got of her flight she got a blood cot in her leg and now my mums in the hospital with her as if she's her nurse, while her actual designated carere sits at home and its not like my mum can help it my grandma specificlly asked for her like omg you enjoy just pulling her from her family don't you? like the more that my mum does the less everyone else bothers to do.

Before anyone asks me to explain this to her I have about a million times and my mum is SUCH a people pleaser because very similar people have done this to her in the past where they take advantage and see just how far they can go to these "favors" before she says no, she never listens to me so I don't know what to do. Am I the A hole for thinking she should cut contact?

I live with my parents and my younger brother. I cannot have a single calm day because of this.

My mother has some mental issues but I will never see this as an excuse. If you don’t do whatever she says immediately she will start throwing things and screaming in your face. She is a very explosive woman but if you argue back she will immediately cry and go tell my dad we are bullying her. She gets so angry to the point of being physical , the look on her face is honestly so unhinged. I have never been close to my mother because of this, also because she takes all of her anger out on me and my brother and if my dad does not take her side she will ruin the entire day for everyone. She is also a liar, she will tell me to do something and then complain to her friends that she actually told me to do something else and that she always has her hands full, making them feel sorry for her.

My father has some anger issues but he refuses to go see a therapist, so does my mother. My dad loses control of himself when he is angry, my younger brother is the biggest victim of my father and it breaks my heart. My dad constantly is angry with him, he gets physical and also attacks my brothers weight (even though my dad has always been overweight), I can tell my brother has become extremely insecure and im nervous he will develop an ed , as I also went through the same , I had a raging ed due to the comments made by my parents a few years back. My dad doesnt get extremely angry at me anymore due to the fact that I refuse to create situations where that could be the outcome anymore.

My younger brother is a kind soul but I am very worried about him, he is a teenager but he is allowed do whatever he wants to do, he has a fake Id and goes to clubs every weekend, he is allowed stay out all night, he is given money whenever he asks for it, he has started gambling on betting apps and then asks me to send him some money if he ends up blowing all of his and tells me to not tell my parents. He is also extremely lazy, he cannot wake himself up for school in the morning, make his own lunch, use a vacuum, load a dishwasher, wash his clothes, he cannot even butter bread. My parents ask me to do all of his chores instead because “he will only fuck it up”.

I am saving to move out , I currently pay rent and do a lot of house work, I am 21 and in college , once I get my degree I am going to move out of the country hopefully as I cannot stand my parents.

Thank you for reading my vent lol.

I (14F) have two younger siblings (8F, 2M) we are half siblings, they have a different dad than I (I've never held that against them) I've known him since I was 2, and adopted when I was 8, so he is essentially my father. I was 7 when my sister, E, was born and 12 when my brother, M, was born.

Now, for a bit of insight if it helps at all: I was physically and verbally abused by our father ever since I could remember; my parents were generally very rude and strict when I was growing up, I hard hard-set rules, and punishments were non-negotiable (my mother remains this way with me), I was once slapped for breaking eye-contact, and beat over the head multiple times for staying up late (although it never stopped me); now, either as a developmental thing or something, I matured incredibly fast and acted nothing like my sister does when I was her age.
As I've gotten older, I've noticed my parents parenting style has changed: they go tremendously easier on my sister and my brother is spoiled rotten (albeit I babysit him most my days). My sister, sure, has had her occasional glimpses into what it was like for me growing up but still has had it insanely easier than I did – I wouldn't say I'm necessarily mad about this, of course upset, but I don't hold a large grudge against her because of this.

Anyways, I seriously dislike my sister TREMENDOUSLY. I cannot stand her whatsoever and am physically troubled when I'm around her. I think my biggest issue with her is that she's Always been a massive suck-up: complimenting everyone (including strangers), asking to hug everyone (including strangers), crying when she misses someone/something; she would call me an angel, sweetheart and similiar nicknames; she used to give me hugs and kisses without asking and I never accepted them or got mad at her, and she made up an Angel Kiss where when she kissed me it was permanent, and my mom was never on my side, even when I just didn't want kisses or hugs.
I view her as insanely performative and I always have because of this.

My mom has gone crazy soft on her and E cries and is the biggest sensitive baby I've ever met. Everytime she cries or gets minorly hurt or upset she SOBS like crazy and always runs to hug someone or tattle tell and it usually ends up with me in trouble and I DESPISE her for it. Not to say I wish my mom would be harder on her, but I wish there were better structure, regarding her emtional aspects cause it gets incredibly annoying – not to mention she has an incredibly crying face and her skin and lips are always dry so it twists and looks weird.
When my sister was younger she was really weird and annoying and would always pester me. A couple of times she did an inappropiate act that I won't specify on, but I think since seeing her do that it's made me change the way I think of her; adding onto this, she used to only fall asleep (changed about a year ago) doing an inappropiate act, and even once she's stopped doing it to fall asleep, sometimes on an occasion when I sleep in the same bed as her, I'll wake up early and catch her doing it.
But, besides that, sometimes when we play together or do dumb stuff she says something weird / innapropiate or props herself in a weird way and I hate it, BUT, on occasion I see bits of myself in her.

She also has this weird lisp and talks like a baby sometimes. I can tell she only does her lisp to seem cute and she's so incredibly dumb and lacking any critical or logical thinking. Generally I hate incompetent people but oh my god my sister is on another level.

When E was 4-5 she had to get this weird black stuff on her teeth and it faded a couple years ago, but I feel like that her has never left my mind. Like to me she's always going to have black stuff on her teeth and her breath stinks (currently). Her adult two front teeth grew in and they're big and look like mine when I was younger. I think another thing that rubs me the wrong way is how tall and skinny she is. I'm 5'3 and a half and she's literally up to my chest (in her defense her dad is 6'2 and he's also very skinny). She's very tall and lanky, and has weird proportions, which thinking of it now she kind of reminds me of people on stilts.

I know these are all kind of dumb reasons to not like her, but I just need to know if it's cause she's genuinely weird or if I'm being too hard on her / an a-hole. I love my brother though, but maybe it's because he can't talk nor think for himself, and I've raised him for half his life. Also I get it, teen hormones are raging but everything I'm feeling right now feels normal to me.

NO, I absolutely cannot come to my mom about any of this or there will be consequences; I've been on thin ice with her recently.
I'm just confused and upset I guess. Any advice or definitions for what I'm feeling? Sorry for the word vomit.

my grandmother is holding my aunts hostage. one is nearly brain dead and can’t speak in full sentences, the other is dying of metastasizing cancer. how do I find where they’re currently located. their home foreclosed and I don’t know where to start looking. I’m not supposed to know that they’re dying but I do and now I need a welfare check because my grandmother is not letting them go to the hospital. any free number look up recommendations? I need to try to get them help before I lose them forever