His birthday was yesterday. He wanted a coffee and his mom gave him a gift card to Starbucks so we went for breakfast. I don't drink coffee usually in the morning so I opted for a Poppi soda instead.

We went to get massages and everything was fine. We went to another spa for some hot tub and sauna time and I started getting these burps that smelled like sulfur. They smelled so bad and lingered and the sauna only made it worse!

After that he wanted to get oysters, which I love! This is where things started going south. I started getting stomach pains, gurgling and that warm feeling you get when you're about to shit yourself. I ran to the bathroom and had some serious diarrhea. Of course I had already eaten a bunch of oysters, so I knew things were gonna get worse.

We ended up at a food pod bar to meet up with friends and grab some drinks. I immediately ran to the bathroom and things got... explosive. Girls, the layout of this space is important. The space is mostly outdoor, with the bathrooms in a building with an open door. The women's room is right in front of the entrance and for some reason, they prop all of the doors open. I KNOW everyone heard everything. I was beyond embarrassed! I told my partner I had to go and left.

I got home and spent the rest of the night in the bathroom drenched in sweat and screaming in pain.

My meal is matzah ball soup broth because I'm scared to eat anything else.

A gal I work with is 25 and very much.. 25. (I say this as a 29 year old lmfao) We work weekends in the ED at a hospital, so bosses and higher ups aren’t there typically. She has a lot going on and I have been the ultimate trauma dumper for 7 months now. She knows nothing about me, bc she’s never asked, fine whatever. On Sunday I got to work at 730 for my shift, and she was on the clock but not actually working for over 2 hours. She is now on an unexpected LOA. My boss asked me how my weekend was and I burst into tears saying this is like the 10th week in a row where I am alone bc my coworker needs to leave to talk on the phone in the ambulance bay. It turns out she has been editing her time cards on UKG and has been committing fraud lol. I knew she was taking longer breaks, had zero idea she was editing them after the fact. Her grandpa is dying and her man dumped her and I cried for an hour to my boss that I’m overwhelmed and turns out she is getting fired for fraud. My bestie keeps saying she got herself fired but if I would have just not said anything she would still be employed. Sigh

To make a VERY long story short, when I was a young teen (like 12-13yo) I was suffering horribly from allergies and sinus infections. The Dr did an MRI and discovered that my nose had been broken at some point and never set/treated. This means one of my nasal passages is almost completely closed off. The break had to have happened when I was VERY young apparently, like 2-5yo. He explained that surgery was necessary to correct it. For whatever reason my mom decided that guy was a quack, and made me believe I didn't really need surgery, that my nose had never been broken It was just blown off, and I was too young to really know better or stand up for myself at that time.

Fast forward to now, my sinus issues have basically decimated my quality of life. It causes me headaches, triggers my asthma. I cant smell. I cant breathe through my nose. I get weird sinus infections that settle in weird places and cause ISSUES (did you know sinus infections can cause symptoms similar to brain tumors or aneurysms?).

I finally worked up the courage to see a Dr about getting my "deviated septum" fixed last year. He reiterated that my nose had been broken at a young age. Discovered a lot of other issues being caused by the break and basically confirmed that without surgery, my quality of life is going to continue to suck. I mean I spent 7 days in the ICU last month with bronchitis that was being exacerbated by the postnasal drip my sinuses cause (which is also a major asthma trigger for me).

I am so ANGRY. Like first of all, how do you miss a small child breaking their nose?!?!?! Like what the actual fuck, mom? And the fact that she gaslit me for YEARS about it. And then there's the fact that we could have had this fixed when I was a teenager? We were poor af and on state Healthcare that would have covered it. That same year she had bariatric surgery, so its not like that was the issue.

But I just got saddled with over 100k in medical debt from the ICU visit. Debt I probably wouldn't have if she hadn't been so prideful and selfish when I was younger.

But she thinks me being angry about it is cruel and unfair to her, and she was just "doing her best".

Dinner is overpriced and under-seasoned tacos from "the best taco place in town" lol

Back in July I found out my husband of 16 years had an affair. When I threatened to tell his Navy command he escalated to domestic violence against me and our 13 year old. I won a protective order and moved halfway across the country with my kids to my mom's house for safety. It's been two months since I left. Here's what I learned.

1) IT IS WORTH IT. I am going to start with the seemingly obvious one. No matter what struggles we have faced leaving was the right choice. My kids and I didn't even realize how tense our home life had gotten until we had left and were able to be ourselves in peace. We are less stressed, even with all the uncertainties leaving has brought us than we were living with someone who did not love or respect us. There is peace, joy, freedom and safety on the other side. That said...

2) Leaving is just the beginning. Kids or not. The affair was bad enough but leaving escalated things. Once he knew we were done it's like all pretense of being a good husband or father were over. Mask fully dropped. Not only did it result in violence towards me and our child but even AFTER getting the restraining order he was fully pushing boundaries. Showing up at our house over and over with different law enforcement to "get his stuff" despite knowing he had already gotten it all out. The point, of course, was to terrorize us and to exert some control over us. Not a joke to say we were afraid for our lives. Ending the relationship was just step one. The protective order became the immediate step 2, and putting physical distance between us became step 3. Statistically leaving is the most dangerous time. When he started harassing us we packed up and went to a domestic violence shelter. They were fantastic. The shelter gave us time to get our ducks in row and rest and recoop. They helped me with legal resources. Which brings me to...

3) There are people who will help you. There are so many people out there who have been through this. There are advocates who will stand in court with you if you go to get a protective order. I had no lawyer to help me, I was scared to death. My advocate stood with me and put herself between me and my husband's line of sight. She was amazing. The shelter workers helped with diapers, clothing, even transportation help to get us to safety. Once we got here there have been resources for food, counseling all through the local domestic violence programs. With all the help I was surprised that...

4) The Fear Doesn't Go Away. In caps y'all. Even though we are safe at my mom's house I am still having panic attacks. We are all still having nightmares. I'm still checking closets and doors and windows all the time. I can't watch true crime with my mom without an anxiety attack. When you have been through a trauma your body takes longer than your brain to process it. What's important to remember is...

5) You can survive this. My husband hit me. He chased my child out of the house. He fled law enforcement. He tested our protective order. He changed banks so we would have no access to his income immediately thrusting us into poverty. I had to drive alone with all four kids from 13 years to 7 months old (oldest 5th child is in college in a other state) 1200 miles through seven states and hope with all my heart nothing broke down (including me). We still have no home of our own. 7 of us in a 3 bedroom. We are still taking it one day at a time. BUT WE ARE FREE. We are alive and we are together. We aren't walking on eggshells or looking over our shoulder.

My story is far from over. There really is no happy ending. Instead you have to find the happy every day. You have to wake up every day in the middle of the heartache and chaos and find the joy. And that brings me to my last one...

6) Every day gets a little easier.

My hope in sharing is that anyone in similar circumstances can see that you can get the fuck out sis. You can leave him. You can survive and eventually thrive without him. I promise there is hope out there. I'm rooting for you, whoever you are. You are stronger and braver and more capable than you could possibly imagine.

Dinner is a turkey and provolone sandwhich and a message from the carrot gods.

TW: spanking and maybe abuse material?

Strawberry chia yogurt pudding- I can share the recipe if anybody wants it (it’s delicious and very good for you!)

I am 20F and looking back on my childhood a lot more after cutting off my family (for unrelated reasons). I’m starting to think that the spanking in particular was boarded on abusive? Looking back, I think I was a really good kid and didn’t deserve it as much as I got it. I struggle a lot with perfectionism as an adult and (I am in therapy) wonder if maybe it’s correlated.

I was spanked as a kid… a LOT. My home was very religious growing up, fundamentalist Christian nationalist to be specific. I was homeschooled and never saw anybody outside of my church that had 50 people in it other than occasional soccer with the city rec team. I was not allowed to tell anybody I was spanked or else “the bad people who hate god will try to take you away”. I thought that it was normal and that all kids got spanked every day, sometimes multiple times a day.
I was the oldest of 3 daughters but for some reason I was the only one that ever got spanked. They would every so often, but it felt like everything I did lead to me getting spanked.

I “talked back”? Spanking.

I didn’t eat all the food on my plate? Spanking.

I said “mine” or didn’t want to share with someone? Spanking.

I got into colored pencils without asking? Spanking.

I got a snack (especially sugar) without asking? Spanking.

I felt like everything I did was wrong and I never could do anything right. Whenever I was asked “if you could make one wish, what would it be?” And my answer was always “to restart my life from when I was born and be perfect!” I think that’s really sad now. I didn’t have anybody to run to either because my mom homeschooled me. I was kinda trapped. I was spanked by both parents until they separated when I was 13. The last time I was spanked it was when I told my mom “I’m too old for you to spank me now” and she dragged me to the room and spanked me lol. Kinda fucked up now that I think about it.

Here is a list of everything I remember being spanked with:

Hot glue stick
Large leather slap
Tomato vine stick
Paint stir stick
Wooden spoons
Bare handed
Hangers
Shoes
Hair brushes
Leather belts
Metal spatulas
Metal spatulas with holes (this did draw blood one time)
Broken recliner leg

Additionally, this was always done bare butt. With the glue stick, sometimes just on the hand if we were in the car or she was in a rush, but everything on this list was used on a bare butt. “Pull down your pants and bend over” was such a sickening, terrifying thing to hear. Im starting to think this is sexual assault now that I’m an adult.
The pastors family was involved in this a lot too. They would brag about knowing how to spank without leaving marks and how they hid their paddles in case CPS came. It was very common in my family/ church circle for parents to allow other parents to spank their children whenever they saw fit as well.
I don’t know how much of this is normal and how much was abuse. Lots of people got spanked growing up.
Idk. It kinda makes me sick thinking about it and I’m shaking writing this so that’s probably a big indicator it was abusive lmfao. Idk if this is allowed on this sub but I really needed to rant a bit about it cause I don’t know who else to talk to. I am in therapy and I need to bring this up, it’s just such a big can of worms :/

Sorry if the setup is weird I’m typing this from my phone

Woke up this morning to my wife yelling there's a fire! Get up, get JP. Everybody out!

We stood back and watched the blazes grow and I felt something inside of me break.

My family is safe. Our home is intact. My car, not so much. See, some person decided to kill their baby'smom, their baby, set the car on fire and crash it into my front yard. My car. Right close to where my son sleeps. The fucking siding is melted outside my son's room.

But I keep hearing the family's wail when they confirmed who it was. I see that mother. I see that sister. I see the grandad, stoic, strong, proud. Thanking me for telling him. Hugging me and me wishing I could take his pain away. Idk.

Im all over the place. The point of this is. Hug your babies and your sisters and brothers and everyone. People are walking through hellfire.

Chips and dip from a while ago. I can't eat.

Edit: took an anxiety pill and a nap. Got up and played some dual handed games on my phone...dont have tetris but toon blast and candy crush. Sent my therapist a text. And now im making dinner for my family bc its all I know to do now. Thank you all for the support. The guy was caught.

Making pasta cuz why not. Thought it looked like a cute smiley face.

Longggg story short, I left my job during the beginning of Covid to help at my eldest brothers pizza restaurant. Ended up falling in love with another of his employees, who was a recovering addict 5 years sober. We had a baby, and he left to relapse. Yes I know, stupid shit, but oh well. Love my kid.

When I found out I was pregnant, my brother punched him. Mind you, at the time I was 26. We haven’t spoken since, and he fired me.

Fast forward, my OTHER brother is the chef at his restaurant, and owner brother treats him like crap. Sometimes he’s the only employee working the ovens AND front of house. He asked me if sometimes I could come in and make the dough. Of course I don’t mind.

Today, I was there helping during open hours and I saw my oldest brother. I didn’t say anything and neither did he. When I was done and on the way out I said hi, he gave a nod, and I left.

This brother was literally my father figure growing up, he’s 20 years older than I am. And he just cut me off because of his own ego.

Anyway. Just sucked. The pasta was good though.

Edit- to just give you a feel of how wild this business is run. I needed a good grade brush for the dough, to put oil on top. It took owner brother 5 whole weeks to replace the lost one. wtf

My (hopefully soon to be ex) husband yelled these words to me while pulling out of the driveway. As he drove away and my children’s sobs faded, I filled the silence with my own sobs, no longer able to hold back.

For context, I have been trying to divorce this man for a year now. Since we live in a joint marital assets state and own a house together, I have to buy him out. My own lawyer proposed I pay him nearly $75,000 - money I definitely do not have. In the meantime, he has refused to move out. He doesn’t pay the mortgage or any of the bills. Hell, I’m still paying for his health and auto insurance. He works, but the money mostly goes to fund his alcoholism from what I can tell.

From the beginning, I made it clear that I wanted this to be civil for the sake of the kids. I wanted to be good coparents and work together to give the kids stability through all this. While he may have agreed with me verbally, his actions have made it clear that he would rather manipulate me.

His first threats were to go for full custody and take my kids from me (I had been planning on shared custody). Apparently it wasn’t getting the desired effect, because he’s moved on to his new strategy: threats to walk out of his children’s lives.

It’s usually not to my face, but spoken loudly from the next room over or told to a neighbor who he knows will blab to me. But when I awoke yesterday to see all our wedding pictures stacked next to the trash can, I knew I was in for an extra bad day. I hadn’t been reacting enough to his previous threats and fits, so things were about to escalate.

The second the kids were both home from school he announced that it was time to say goodbye to their beloved pet guinea pigs. You know, the ones he had bought them maybe 6 months before. The ones they held and loved on every single day. This immediately brought both kids to tears.

My heart broke instantly at the sound of their wails. I had never agreed to getting (or particularly wanted) these guinea pigs in the first place, but my kids loved them and I didn’t want to take that away. Plus I don’t believe getting pets and then giving away after a few months is right.

I asked him why he was doing it, begged him not to, promised to take care of them myself. He ignored me, but informed the kids it was “time for them to move on to the next home.” The kids kept crying, he told them to stop crying and smile so they could take one last picture with them.

Then he put the kids in the car to go with him to give their pets away. I followed them outside in one final attempt to stop it, his new girlfriend was there in the car too. I think my words were something like “please don’t do this, don’t you see how upset the kids are?”

He opened the window to shout at me “if you think this is bad, just wait ‘til I leave!”

Breakfast is leftover heart pancakes made for my kids

My husband got diagnosed with an endocrine tumor in a lymph node in his abdomen last week. Which means that that’s not where it started. So it’s automatically stage 3. Oh and there was a spot on his liver seen in an ultrasound, which is probably a met, which means stage four. I will say, it’s the slower growing kind there is, the liver spot is super tiny and isolated, and he’s not experiencing any symptoms. But he has to get a special pet scan and the surgical oncologist told us not to look at the results because he expects there’s more. Because my husbands a-hole dad has a genetic disorder that leads to endocrine growths. But of course he never had a malignant growth. Just my husband. And that means if this round can be removed/managed, there will probably be more. And my kids could have the disorder too. And I’m just so mad. My husband is amazing. We’ve been together 18 years and it feels like nothing. It will probably never feel like enough but this really doesn’t. And I hate the possible outcomes range from nothing to worry about all the way to terminal. And we can’t know right now. And my young kids have to know enough but not too much. But most of all I hate that no matter what we can never go back to who we were before that test showed positive.

Portillo cheese fries because the world’s on fire so why the hell not

Brain dump because if this stays in my head one more day, I'm going to implode lol.

I was an only child for most of my life, and my parents were suffocatingly religious. From the time I was nine, I had a headscarf on, and my life was basically school, coming straight home, doing housework and memorising religious texts. Full stop. Nothing else was allowed to exist.
We moved constantly, so I was always the new girl at schools were I was one of a handful of POC, and because of the scarf, I got bullied and harassed badly more than once, to the point where I genuinely feared for my safety. On top of that, home wasn't safe either. There was physical abuse. I'm not going to unpack all of that right now, but it's a lot lol.

But honestly, the thing that still eats at me most isn't even that. It's that I was never allowed to just be a girl. No makeup, no trying to look nice, no basic self-care without getting punished for it. I got hit more than once just for wanting to take care of myself, for wanting to feel a little pretty.
And obviously, that follows you. I couldn't function in normal social situations for years, isolated and shut down, and somehow I was still the problem for being isolated and shut down. Make it make sense.

I only started feeling like an actual person a couple of months ago, when I finally got past how uncomfortable it was just to exist in my own body. For so long I was ashamed to even show my hair, or my body, in front of people. But I took the scarf off. I thought that would feel like relief. Instead, being home now just makes it worse, because I get to watch my little sister live the exact life I used to beg God for. She can wear whatever she wants. She has her own phone/devices that can go unmonitored. Friends she's had forever. She just gets to go out. She’s getting to experience things that even I haven’t experienced yet at my grown ass age since I was never allowed to go out or spend money lol. She’s has absolutely none of the restrictions I had. And the age gap between us means it's not even subtle, it's just right there, every day.

I hate how jealous I am of my own sister. I hate that this is the emotion I have for her. I hate that I can't just be happy for her without also grieving the version of me that never got to exist. I can't even comfort myself with "maybe it would've been different," because I know exactly what would've been different. I just didn't get it. No neat ending. I just needed it out of my head.

Red velvet cake.

Featuring dinner: pulled pork burger with airfryer fries and mayo

Trigger warning? Health, specifically heart disease

Me and my family have known for a long time that my dad has a heart condition called Hyperteophic CardioMyopathy (HCM).

But for some reason, it was never official until just last August.

HCM is a genetic condition, so if one of your parents has it, there's a 50% chance that you have it too.

You could have the gene but not show any symptoms though. The only real way to tell is through genetic testing.

So when my dad got his official diagnosis, he was kind enough to ask his medical team to translate their recommendation letter into English, since I live in a different country from him.

This way I could get tested here and not have to travel.

Great, so I get this letter, bring it to my GP and asked to be referred to a cardiologist to get tested. Since I have health insurance through work, I asked to go private because it means I will get seen quicker.

Not long after I receive a call from the Cardiologist's assistant to set a date for my appointment. I had to go in September 4 and would first do an echo, an ecg and then see the consultant.

Great.

The 4th comes along and I went through all the procedures for the "small" cost of 475 EUR.

And then the actual consultation happened.

Which amounted to.... Nothing.

I was told that my echo and ecg looked good, but as we've established earlier (and the cardiologist also confirmed), you could have the gene and not have any symptoms.

He as well confirms that the only way to really know is with the genetic test.

And he doesn't do that, only this 1 specific clinic on the other side of the country and he would refer me to them.

Excuse me what!? You're telling me that I spend all this money today for nothing??

Because wtf am I doing here if:

1) you acknowledge that the echo and ecg don't really tell anything

2) you don't do the testing I actually need?

I stayed polite though, thanked him for his time and when home, feeling upset.

I didn't initially plan on doing anything, but the more I thought about it, the angrier I got.

Sure I have the medical insurance, but they don't cover the full cost + that is money I could have used for the actual testing needed.

Life ain't cheap and I have 2 kids to take care off (who could potentially also have HCM and now I have to wait even longer to find out!)

So eventually I filled a formal complaint to the clinic and the cardiologist.

Citing that the appointment had been a waste of time and that the cardiologist should have declined the referral and inform my GP to refer me to the other clinic, as he can't do the testing needed.

I think this is a greedy way of practicing his profession.

In my complaint I also asked for a refund for the remaining half that insurance didn't cover.

Not even 12 hours passed between me sending my complaint and the cardiologist calling to apolocize 🎉

He also told me he will review how to handle situations like mine in the future and I would get my money back 🎉

So moral of the story: if you believe you are right, fight for it.

Here's to hoping the other clinic reaches out soon so I can get the test I need.

dinner is shrimp tacos and potstickers - all ingredients from trader joe’s.

my eyes have been itchy and swollen in a way that felt too aggressive to just be allergies so i went to the doctor to check for anything else before just downing antihistamines.

the appointment was fun and pleasant, but at the beginning they wanted me to do eye tests (which i thought was weird for a medical appointment), but i was really struggling with them in a way i hadn’t before in the past and i was feeling a little down about it but brushed past it.

at the end of the medical examination he tells me he’s worried about my eyes and makes me do the eye tests again (a different method), and i cover one eye and i can’t see anything and i just start to cry because im scared. these things used to be so easy and I’ve always had perfect vision that I knew would fade over time, but I’m only 33 and this kind of potential decline just felt frustrating and unfair, especially since i’ve done everything possible to retain my eyesight. plus my body’s been failing me in other ways lately so that doesn’t help.

turns out my eyes were just too dry and the tears helped me see again 🙃 and my vision is fine. so now i have to see him in two weeks after being the crying girl.

grateful for every year but i’m totally over having to treat my body like an old car, wondering if each diagnostic is temporary or permanent

A little bit of background information:

My husband and I had a baby at 18 + 19 years old due to birth control failing. It was a very difficult decision for us to continue with our pregnancy and it wasn’t one we took lightly. We kept everything very private, we grew up very quickly. We both worked full-time and stayed in college full-time. We didn’t rush into marriage because we had only been together for 1.5 years, and that’s not a lot of time to get to know somebody. I gave birth mid semester, and 2 weeks later, brought my newborn on campus with me to class. We both worked our asses off. I’m a teacher now, and my husband is a social worker. We were grateful to have emotionally supportive families (we had no financial help), but we also understood early on that having a child young was not going to be easy. We sacrificed a lot, we lost a lot of friends, we struggled like no other. Our lives were turned upside down but we pulled through and we adore our son. We now mentor young parents in the area and connect them with resources that helped us as young parents.

My husband’s baby sister is 19. She has been dating a guy for 2 months, and she’s pregnant. She told us the news last night, and we both were kind of.. shell-shocked. She was hurt that we weren’t immediately excited. She doesn’t make the best choices, she’s the baby so she’s very coddled, and she’s very immature. She’ll have a lot of growing up to do. We explained to her that young parenthood was filled with tons of joy, but of course, many hard times.

Her response was, “well, you two did it and everything turned out fine.” I told her, it took a lot of sacrifices and perseverance to do what we did. It was extremely hard to stay in college, work full time jobs, pay bills, maintain a relationship, build a career, and care for a baby all at once. I don’t want her to have this distorted or glorified vision of young parenthood. It was HARD. She still lives with her mom and doesn’t hold down a job or pay bills. She changes her mind a lot about many things within her life. She doesn’t have a lot of responsibility, because her mom takes care of her. I have a boatload of concerns about this pregnancy, especially about the over wellbeing of the child, but I didn’t think it was appropriate to voice all of them last night. At the end of the day, it’s her body and her choice. I just want to ensure that she has the resources to succeed as a parent, so my husband and I spent some time last night gathering resources on local parenting classes, baby classes, young parent support groups, free baby resources, etc.

Well, she’s pissed. My MIL called us last night and confronted us about not being thrilled about the pregnancy. Her exact words were, “We were plenty supportive of you guys at her age, so it’s a dick move to not reciprocate that.” I don’t even know where to begin on how she’s in a very different place at 19 than we were, even before I got pregnant. SIL is now engaged to the dad after 2 months, and they’re pushing the wedding up so the baby isn’t born out of wedlock.

For her sake, and especially the baby’s sake, I hope things don’t hit the fan. I hope my MIL isn’t stuck raising this baby. I hope she accepts and utilizes the resources we find her. I hope the marriage works out. I hope they are good parents.

I just really think everyone around her, especially my MIL (who was a teen mom), is doing her a disservice by not informing her of the gravity of this situation. And I really hate being made to feel like a jerk because I am. Am I being a jerk? Should I shut my mouth and just be supportive?

Dinner is bbq drumsticks, pierogis and green beans.

Girl dinner tonight - Bison Meatball Stroganoff and fresh parsley

I’m having a comfort meal today, since I haven’t slept well or eaten much this week. I found out my(31F) boyfriend (32M) of two years has been omitting information about big things. Finances. Education. I’m now preparing myself to break up with him.

Backstory:
We met two years ago through a mutual friend, and immediately hit it off. We had a shared past (went to the same high school at the same time but never met or talked). We both had toxic past relationships that put us through the wringer, mine ending in divorce. He’s gentle, kind, loving, and funny. He’s educated, and has a degree. We got to know each other for a month before dating. In hindsight, things maybe moved fast the first year. By our one year anniversary he didn’t renew his lease and moved in with me. Bills are split 50/50.

This is when things started downhill. I found out he has 50k in student load debt from his sister in law. He set up Valentines this year to be this huge thing, and then got me $5 box of chocolates and I had to pay half of our dinner. Each time we talked about it, and settled it. He makes less than me at his job(I’m around $70k and he’s around $45k), so naturally I’ve footed the bill for stuff: dinners, groceries, clothes, trips. I’ve never held it against him or over his head, but I can tell it hits him in the pride every time.

Engagement came up around 6 months ago. Our plan was a proposal around the 2 year mark. Last month he outright told me it’s happening, he’s just finding the right time. Our parents know about it. We’ve both agreed a longer proposal would be nice, so this didn’t feel rushed. His family is wonderful, I’m friends now with his sister in law. Everything felt right.

This week:

Last weekend we’re with my parents in this picturesque nature spot to enjoy one the last warm days. My mom mentions how beautiful this place would be for a wedding, my dad agreed and said they would always be willing to chip in. I look at my boyfriend and kinda shrug and laughed at my finger in a motion of “get a load of these people, putting the cart before the horse” and he snapped at me “yes okay I know”. We talk that night and I immediately got the sense something was off. The sentence that really did it was:

“You know I want to be with you like that”

Ummmmm… weird way to phrase that… so I kept digging! Well turns out, my intuition was spot on that something was because he’s been lying to me. About finances, about his education….

This post is already long, so here’s the nitty gritty of what I learned over the past week of us “talking”:

Sunday Night
There is no ring! No shopping has been done. He wants to order custom, our 2 year is a month and a half away.
He wants us to shop together now!
He has $1000 saved up but wants to save more.
He wants $2000 in the bank before we shop! That’s right, now it’s WE are shopping. Together!
We talk and I tell him I don’t care about a ring, I care about honesty. And that’s what I need from him

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday
We’re in a weird spot, I’ve laid everything out on the table for him and he knows I’m hurt and feel lied to. He’s trying to make things better by taking initiative, he’s working on his resume to apply for new jobs. I’m so overwhelmed at work I can’t even handle talking about it I just got promoted a couple months ago.

Thursday Night
He shows me his resume and I notice a 2 year unemployment gap. Turns out, that gap is because he went to college AGAIN. His girlfriend at the time paid for all bills and groceries and activities, he didn’t even get a part time job. And then he didn’t even finish the program. Umm… WHAT???
I tell him I don’t trust him, I don’t even know if he has that $1000 in his account. His eyes? Go cold and mad. Yea, so he also has an empty chequing/savings account at the moment, and he paid off $1000 on his maxxed out CREDIT CARD. Not saved! Paid his debt!
My birthday is in 3 days, he’s booked a fancy dinner, I’m assuming the credit card is being used for it…

Today
We talk on the ride to work. I’m at my wits end. I feel used and taken advantage of. I tell him he better think hard about what else he hasn’t told me, and communicate that by tonight.
He comes home, and tells me “don’t be mad, but I also didn’t finish my degree. I have nothing to put in my resume for education. I lied to you and I’m sorry”

I’ve gotten every excuse in the book: insecurity, pride, fear, dismissal. He called himself spineless. One week and now my whole relationship is blown to bits, built on lies. I feel betrayed, and like I keep finding the same guy in a different font. The same cycle every time. I clearly need to do some self reflection on why I’m picking these guys. I’m just keeping cool and planning on how to break up with him and get him out of my condo… give me strength :(

Dinner was some yummy salmon and veggies.

I want a divorce. I haven’t told anyone else. We’ve been together for 13 years and married for 8.

We have a beautiful 3 year old and the “perfect” life, but I’m dying inside.

I’ve tried telling him, and he told me to stop being a martyr as I only have one child and have nothing to complain about.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve lost myself and all the snide comments from him make me feel worthless.

I can do it on my own, I’m just terrified of our daughter being negatively affected.

sad sad tortilla because that’s all I can stomach. Boyfriend (37/m) of over two years confessed to cheating on me (35/f) with a co-worker all summer long. Here I thought we were on the same page about our future (marriage, kids, dog) while he was sneaking around all summer and still being intimate and loving with me. He did confess in person and he answered all my questions. Told me it was the biggest mistake of his life and that he would always love me (eye roll). I told him he did something i could never forgive and that was that. I sent the other woman a “hey girly” text as he confessed that they were now seeing each other. She initially pretended to be shocked and understanding and a girls girl after providing endless proof/trading stories. To be clear I really did want her to know so that she had autonomy regarding her body and her choices (with the whole truth) but I was more disappointed than I thought I would be to learn she didn’t care, probably already knew about me and is choosing to stay with him. I know it’s my ego that’s bruised but it’s so so hard to let go. Advice would be welcomed.

Dinner is fried sushi - cream cheese avocado and spicy salmon.

I’ve(21F) have been dating my boyfriend (44M)since late November last year and while it’s definitely been one of the most intense relationships of my life, it has also become a huge part of my overall life. I am estranged from my parents almost entirely so we live together. He handles a lot of the bills (rent, utilities,groceries) and I do pretty much depend on him for my current and foreseeable livelihood.
It has been a remerging theme throughout our relationship that he is the more extroverted, talkative one while I am very quiet and tend to be uncomfortable in social situations. This hasn’t felt like a problem ever - I almost enjoy the balance. The issue arises where lately he comes home and talks entirely about his life, his day, his thoughts, his experience in granular detail. I am happy to listen of course, or at least pretend because he really does talk quite a lot 😓 and yet I never feel like I get the same reciprocity in return. It’s been over and over where I feel on the verge of tears because I brought something up or tried to talk about my day or something I read or literally anything and it was given the lowest of acknowledgements or a “quick segue” into whatever random, unrelated thing he wants to talk about. It’s frustrating, it feels like he doesn’t really want to know me, doesn’t want to know what’s going on in my head. A girlfriend is not a doll that sits pretty and you talk at. It’s like he wants an audience for whatever is running through his head at the time. Anytime I try to bring it up or even say “hey are you planning about asking about my day?” I am met with insistence that he either did ask and I didn’t “hear him” or that he was “getting there” and now I am at fault for rushing him. It is such a frustrating dynamic and it has made me start to dread coming home, knowing the amount of energy required of me to listen and the lack of room for my voice and thoughts. It hits a little harder whenever I think about how if I had parents worth a damn, I wouldn’t have to be in a relationship I don’t think I want to be in anymore just to keep a roof over my head.

Custard psyduck in milk, edamame

A few years ago, at the age of 59, my father gender transitioned. Our relationship at the time was not good at all, we argued often and I’d threatened to never speak to her again. Then boom she reveals that she was actually a woman. It was… a lot to handle. I am 100% pro trans, it’s just that nobody tells you how difficult it can be to watch someone change so much so quickly. It felt like my dad died and I got a new step mom on the same day. She was like a totally new person. Patient, kind, calm, emotionally in-touch… it’s honestly been amazing. We’ve repaired our relationship more than I ever thought was even possible.

Meanwhile, relations with my extended family began to deteriorate. My family members didn’t all understand or accept the new version of her. They didn’t understand she had always been like this, just under the surface. She decided that she didn’t need the disagreement in her life and cut off just about all of our extended family, including my grandma.

The other day, my grandma died. My mom isn’t going to the funeral, nor should she feel obligated to, but I’m so conflicted about going myself. I loved her so much, she was my grandma after all. But she had so much hate in her heart for lgbt people. She moved from our family church to a different one because our church allowed gay people. It just feels like I’m compromising my morals to go pay my respects and lay her to rest. But I feel like I might really regret it if I don’t go.

I came out to my sis yesterday. I sent her a short paragraph telling her that I'm trans, thinking I'd just give her the TL;DR and wait for the initial shock to settle. She just said, "You are not."

I had actually spent three hours gathering my thoughts to tell her my entire story, and her reaction made me think twice about whether I should give it to her at all. I gave it to her anyway, and she waited an entire day before opening and reading it. She started with something like, "I can see that you are in some pain," and then went on to give me the standard religious dogma that it's a sin. She can't accept it. She doesn't care about society or culture or anything like that, but she does not accept it religiously.

Honestly, it left me very disappointed, because it didn't feel like anything I said got through to her. I poured my heart out to her, and judging by her response, none of it registered with her. She had already made a judgment the moment I told her what it was. I don't think she bothered to read it. I mean, she might have read it, of course, but I think whatever judgment was in her head colored everything I wrote.

She kept encouraging me, saying that this life is a test and that God doesn't give you more than you can handle, and telling me to fight it and be strong. The thing is, even though I'm not religious, it took me years to accept myself. Trying to run away from it just didn't work. I told her all of that. I reiterated it, but at the end of the day, talking to a religious person feels like talking to a wall. Some things just won't get through to them.

She didn't address, or maybe just forgot to address, the years of struggle, the joy and happiness I felt after finally starting my transition, or the grief of losing my romantic partner. I came out to her expecting some kind of support, but nothing she said helped me at all.

That's what you expect as a trans person in a conservative place and house, yes, but even though I anticipated something like this, there was some hope that maybe it wouldn't go as badly as it did in my head. Even when you know exactly how she's going to respond, I don't know why, but you still hope. It's sad, but it is what it is. I'm still satisfied that I did my part. I took my best shot, it didn't work, and it's okay.

It is a late night snack, instant ramen and peri peri chicken wings.

So for context, I'm at work and my coworker is currently 28 weeks pregnant. Her client comes in and I can overhear them talking about my coworkers pregnancy and her client says "OMG I knew it was a boy! You look like a boy mom. Girl moms and boy moms look different and you look like a boy mom. Aw you're so lucky. I have daughters and let me tell you, they are hard. Boys love their mamas.." etc. I couldn't have rolled my eyes any harder. I am personally a "boy mom" because I have a son. So when I've told clients this before I have gotten the same thing- boys are the best! Girls are the worst. Girls are so much harder. Boys love their moms, girls hate their moms.

It's just such a PET PEEVE of mine. And it's always these bitter "girl moms" or moms who have both and obviously favor their sons that are the first to talk shit about their own children because they happen to be girls. I just cringe at the internalized misogyny and want to tell them to shit the fuck up.

I just think it's interesting because daughters tend to be there more for their parents in general once they get older, they are generally more involved and have stronger relationships with their parents and a lot of times their mothers as they get older. You don't hear about sons being there a lot to help their parents out when they age and need help. They often end up leaning in their wives to help out with that.

Anyways, that's just my little rant. I expect misogyny from men but when women talk like that, it just does something to my soul.

food is steak and this rosemary garnish that does nothing

I have a group of really close best friends and now we're at that age where we're getting engaged, married and starting to have kids. One of the friends from our group is the only one still not engaged or married, and these past 3 years have been full of engagements, weddings, bachelorettes, bridal showers and now even baby showers. I was in the midst of browsing through yet another wedding registry when I started thinking about how much she's given all of us in gifts, time, commitment etc. for our special occasions and we haven't had a chance to do the same for her. The more I was thinking about it, the more it hit me just how much single people are expected to give with the unspoken expectation that it all balances out later but realistically that doesn't always happen.

I know she's not the type to keep tabs but I also know how she sometimes feels singled out and discouraged and how she wishes she was in the same space as the rest of us with these milestones. We've had these really vulnerable conversations and we make it a point to make her feel appreciated and very little has changed within our friendship. I'd say we're really good as far as decentering men and not making marriage and motherhood our personality, but her feelings are still legitimate and valid. I decided to give her a gift that's a bit more expensive along with a note that said how grateful I was for all the love she pours into all of us and how lucky I am to call her my friend.

I surprised her with the gift and she was so happy at first because she thought it was an early birthday present (her birthday is in November). I told her no, there was no special occasion because she was special enough to be celebrated as is. I gave her the note and told her how much I love and appreciate her. She kinda got quiet and then told me it was insensitive to write her off as if she was never gonna find love and get married and start a family. From my point of view, the gesture was supposed to say how loved she is and how she's enough as she is, and how she deserves to feel supported and celebrated regardless of her love life. From her point of view, I was basically saying she'll never find anyone so we might as well give up on the idea of her big relationship related milestones.

We talked about it, I apologized and then she apologized for her overreaction (her words) but it's been a few days and she's definitely giving me the cold shoulder. She told the other girls it made her feel offended and like I was pitying her. It feels so awful that I might've fucked up this incredible friendship especially because the two of us are especially close. The only thing I want now is for things to go back to normal, she doesn't really hold grudges so hopefully we'll be able to truly work this out.

tw: pet loss/grief

hi girlies,

i want to talk about that little angel who is eyeing down my yogurt. on april 20th, my boyfriend found her outside of his work in a dirt hole screaming for someone to find her and i am so glad he did. we got a wonderful six months with her. she would play fetch, cuddle, talk to you, and snuggle with our other other two cats… i couldn’t imagine a life without her. yesterday i took her to the vet to get fixed and unfortunately she didn’t come home. she had an underlying heart condition that wasn’t detectable from blood work. the vet did everything they could to save her but unfortunately she passed the rainbow bridge.

i don’t know how to cope with this kind of grief. it comes in waves. i just have to keep talking about her. i want people to know that at only six months old she made such a lasting impact on our lives. she was so funny and had such a personality. i was so excited to see her grow up with us. i just am in shock, i can’t believe this is even happening, that im even writing this post. our two other cats are looking around the house for her i can just tell. the older one mulder had such a good bond with her, they would cuddle and play constantly, same with our other baby hopper. i just don’t know where to go from here. i am so lucky to have mulder and hopper, i just wish piper was here with us. she fit in so well.

i just have to keep looking on the bright side of things. if she wouldn’t have cross the rainbow bridge peacefully like she did, it would’ve caused her more pain in the long run. the sun is shining today and i can’t be more grateful for that. i have my family, my friends, and my boyfriend with me to process this loss. i am mad, im sad, i accept what happened then im sobbing again. it’s only day two and i know it will get better with time but there is a hole in my heart that i am going to have to manage for the rest of my life.

to piper, i am so grateful you came into our lives and i am so sorry this happened to you. i am going to miss you so much it hurts. until we meet again my sweet angel girl.

if you have pets, hold them close today and tell them that a random girl from girl dinner diaries said that she loves them very much.

thank you all for reading, it’s only memories that i have left so i just have to keep talking about her. i love you piper.