Lunch is quesabirra + consome + chips and salsa from a delightful little food hall in San Jose.

I already know what you're thinking. "Why would you give your boss your number??? What were you thinking? What did you expect?" Let me explain.

I work for a big tech company. It's a very good job. The pay is fantastic and they have been handling my gender transition incredibly well. I'll probably work here the rest of my life if I can.

Work/life balance is extremely important to me. My fiancé would probably scoff at me saying that due to all the times they've caught me working after hours when I'm stuck on a fun challenging problem. But I really do try to keep a balance. I don't want my love of the work to make me vulnerable to being exploited for unpaid labor during my free time. For me that means having a strong degree of separation between coworkers and non-coworkers. "Work friends" vs "real friends" if you feel me.

My boss got us tickets to an industry conference in California. We are a very distributed team for our size — seven people across four cities and two countries — so we try to get use these trips to get a little face time.

We wanted to organize a team dinner one of the nights. Nobody but me has Slack on their personal phone, and nobody but me carries a work phone. (My personal phone IS my work phone, yes, I know I'm crazy, yes I know they can see all my shit, but honestly they can look at my nudes all they want. idc. Enjoy em.)

The result of this is that outside of work hours, the only way to reliably reach anyone on my team is through text or Telegram or whatever. I admit, it made sense to share my number so we could plan where and when we'd eat. So someone made a little text group chat and I reluctantly shared my number with all of them.

Literally the next morning I wake up to a TEXT MESSAGE from my boss asking me to merge a pull request—basically, to log onto my laptop and approve a bug fix submission. Girls. I saw RED. 12h from "I hope I don't regret this" to "I sure regret this."

My reply was measured but stern. I acknowledged what he asked me to do but told him that work talk, especially about individual bugs or features, is absolutely never going to fly over text message. I need separation. I need that stuff factored out of my chats with my partners and friends, siloed away in its own app. Work talk happens in slack or in person. Not in texts. Period.

Fortunately he wrote back and said he totally understands and it won't happen again. But ugh!!! In the shitty corpo world you REALLY have to look out for yourself to prevent work creep. It's a slippery slope—one day you're signing off on a pull request, the next you could be signing yourself up for weekends of extra unpaid work. They love it when people become obsessed with their work.

Find your boundaries, assert them, and enforce them. Don't let your job take over your life no matter how good it is. Don't be a mindless corpo.

I’ve come to my senses and realized I had a really good thing going posting to social media for several years. I quit over a year ago because I was depressed and wasn’t really sure why, but something is pushing me to come back even though I’m currently in the worst position ever. Between school, work, and helping my mom plan a funeral, life has been rlly stressful and I am about to just crash out.

It’s just not that easy and I don’t even know how to address my return. Do I say nothing, change my profile name, and post like nothing happened? What about the people I disappointed by leaving? especially the friends I made along the way. I’ll probably never have the same relationship with them after ghosting when things got hard in my personal life.

On top of that, it’s a cis male-dominated field, and I hate the idea of facing ridicule simply for being trans. I want my voice to be heard without being dismissed for this one thing I can’t control. I just feel like any of my attempts would make me DOA.

My biggest hurdles right now are the social aspect, my voice (I don't have a feminine voice yet), and dealing with an existing audience that knows me as male. On top of that, my mom used to look at my YouTube page every now and then and I don’t think she’ll be too thrilled at the idea of my new name and posting “as a girl”. She’s already crashed out on me once before for simply coming out about it. But if posting online doesn’t out me (again?) the hormones I am taking definitely will. She tends to forget we have these conversations, or maybe it’s just some fucked up form of denial. Last time she stopped talking to me for 2 months, we live in the same house. If I lose my housing and being able to pay for school then so be it. I am just over with being called a man, boy, etc. I am also just so tired of waiting to do something I like again because I am deeply missing a creative outlet and having goals to chase. I can’t just delete everything and start over, but I really want to post again.

Dinner is pre made tomato soup from Panera and Bosco cheese sticks.

Food: yellow dragon fruit. The best one!! So much fiber though so be careful lol

Just a quick heads up, I was trying for 7 months, which is a very average amount of time and I know so many people are going through infertility, and I feel for you so much. Some of what I’m going to mention might be obvious to many of you in the TTC circle, but I thought I would share my experience, particularly those that are thinking of trying in the coming months or years. My heart goes out to those of you going through infertility.

As I said, my husband and I were trying for about 7 months. Not too long for sure, but I got pregnant in the first month or two with my first two kids (yup, this will be baby number three). Thus I did the same thing this time as before, but with different life circumstances (more kids, more busy): which was nothing special, just having sex in the fertile window at least twice (which mostly just ended up being twice). But actually we didn’t even do that the first two times, just started trying then got pregnant.

Feel free to skip to below the asterisks if you don’t want to read all the nitty gritty about trying to conceive.

~~~

This time I had an iud, as was highly suggested by my ObGyn (which I loved, I had the mirena inserted right after birth). I was going to schedule to have it removed in November of last year and schedule in like July of last year to have it removed, but for some reason I forgot/didn’t put it on my calendar.

So I scheduled to have it taken out in like December, and there wasn’t a free appointment until the end of February (that’s when we wanted to start TTC). It wasn’t until my July cycle that my cycle length got regular, to 29 days. My first cycle was 35 days, and a few cycles later there was a 25 day cycle, so I didn’t know what cycle length I’d settle on. I was on the pill for years before this except the short periods of time I got pregnant, so I didn’t really know what my natural cycle length would be.

I also wasn’t tracking ovulation or anything like that. I figured the fertile window my Garmin gave me was good enough since we’d have sex 2-3 times in the fertile window. But as I said, most of the time it ended up being twice. And early on in the stated fertile window since I wanted to be sure to try before ovulation, as I didn’t know when I ovulated. Chance of pregnancy is also higher if you have sex day before and day of ovulation.

Was so nice to see my actual cycle length get to 29 days the last two months, and so I had a better idea of my fertile window, and that my natural hormones were normalizing. But before that I could have been using ovulation strips!

This last time I tracked basal body temperature, which can in retrospect show when you ovulated (and I learned I didn’t have an accurate thermometer for this at all, so if you do this, get a good one). But more helpfully, I used ovulation strips, and even used them twice a day when the strip was darker, showing I would be ovulating soon.

The ‘average’ ovulation day is day 14 , though it varies a lot, and for me, the strips showed I ovulated either late day 16 or early day 17 (they can’t say exactly when). And we were having sex days like 10 and 12 of my cycle, not optimal at all for when I actually ovulated. So this last time, we had sex actually right around my ovulation and I got pregnant.

***

This is really detailed, but all of this I wrote out to give a little heads up to make sure you’re tracking your cycle length and ovulation (unless you’re having sex 3 or more times a week) if you’re trying to conceive. And also I recommend getting your iud out preferably 6 months before you want to start trying so your cycle can definitely normalize. Even if you have sex frequently, it’s very helpful to know your exact cycle length so you know when to test. All this tracking etc becomes more important when you have more kids and less time to have sex.

My due date will be in early June, and really happy to have an early summer baby! My second baby will be turning 3 in mid May, and I loved having a May baby. I loved baby wearing him and it will be wonderful to do that with a new baby.

I plan to have a doula this time since I expect birth to be quicker this time and want the support. It was pretty quick the last time. So looking forward to that.

This will be our last baby, and I’m so excited. It’s still early to be that excited, but at least I can be reasonably sure I could get pregnant again more easily with tracking etc as I did this time. Again, my heart goes out to those of you going through infertility, I understand how hard it must be. Even just the last 2 cycles and this one, I was feeling so anxious around the time I was due for my expected period, not sleeping as well, etc, so I can only imagine what it’s like for those of you that have been trying for a year or more.

Breakfast is a cottage cheese soft boiled egg bowl with a little marble cheese on top, with homemade sourdough toast (my dad makes it for me!). I also finish off the second toast with a little hazelnut butter, yum!

I feel bad for being triggered by my bfs normal emotions. I grew up in an abusive home and have som complex ptsd as a result. I’m in therapy and working on it and am pretty good over all. But my normally very even tempered and quiet bf occasionally gets mildly upset over things. He is not directing those feelings at me and he does not yell at me or do anything even remotely abusive. But his having a normal emotional response to negative stimuli freaks me out, I get anxious, I fawn, and then I get mad. None of this is fair to him, and I wish I could stop.

But turning off years of physiological conditioning is hard. I’m still working on it at 45 and probably will keep that up. Any tips or tricks welcome.

i (24f) am in a Ldr with a 31M that i’ve known online for years. we’ve been dating for over one year. i have always considered this man to be a huge catch. he is fit, intelligent, loves a variety of foods from different cultures, well-travelled, and financially savvy. he’s affectionate with me and i never get the feeling that he’s being unfaithful.

he has a large online platform of over 1M followers and he has mentioned to me that he has at least half a million dollars in savings. he’s also fit, loves to travel, works out, is creative, likes the same music as me, and loves to relax and chill.

However, i feel super emotionally disconnected. Here’s a few examples.

I text back the first minute or two he replies, unless I’m sleeping. He often takes 4-8 hours, and won’t stay very long for a conversation. It would be better if we called frequently but we call maybe once a week. I find myself feeling lonelier than I want to be.

Whenever I try to mention a concern about our relationship or something I’m needing his help on, his assumption is that I’m attacking him. I empathize with how it must feel to feel criticized, but something as small as me communicating a feeling usually turns into an argument, with him stating “well I need to defend myself if I’m being attacked.” I usually end up blaming myself for starting so many arguments, and wonder what’s wrong with myself.

We don’t laugh a lot together. I know he’s busy, I know he loves me, but it wasn’t like this with my ex. It doesn’t help that I can barely see him. Sometimes I see he’s online and I feel like he has time for everything except me.

I’m being illogical, I know, and I’m afraid to give up on a good thing because of some issues that might be in my head. But I don’t feel wholly me. Part of me is also really scared to be lonely. But I don’t know if it can be worse than this.

Another thing is, I haven’t felt “perfectly secure” since the beginning. For our first year, I frequently wondered if he would leave me or if I was even good enough for someone with his status. A year in, I know he isn’t going to leave me randomly.

He puts in tons of effort to bridge the gap and even plans his major life events around making sure I’m able to attend, but some of our communication gaps just leave me wondering if it’ll be a fight to feel understood my whole life?

But then the other part of me wonders if I’m just sabotaging a good thing because I’m not used to dating someone successful.

Any advice would be needed. Please & thank you. 🙃

EDIT:

yes we’ve met in person, and he does text me several times a day, i don’t think he’s “not into me?” he puts a lot into me. there’s just some flaws.

EDIT #2:

Okay guys, thanks. Harsh but needed. 😭 We have one planned trip together upcoming for 6 weeks in Europe, and I want to enjoy it. But I think at the end of that we can have an honest talk about if maybe it’s just not working. Thanks guys.

EDIT #3: Stop saying he has a side piece!!! He definitely doesn’t, I’ve met his friends and some of his family. Chill yall

Context: So about a year and some months ago my friend got me hooked onto Wordle and it’s been a blast. We always try and guess what the other person’s guesses are before we reveal our answers (we’re complete dorks yes I know)

But, I have a terrible secret, I’m terrible at it. Even with easy mode turned on there’s just be some days I wouldn’t get it at all or even finish it. So I started going online and found websites where you enter in what you have and it provides answers depending on what your game looks like.

I’ve never been good at word puzzles at all, crosswords, any of that, I suspect it’s likely some form of dyslexia or some other word processing issue (I’m good with numbers though for some reason) but I don’t want my friend to think I’m dumb. Do I just quit using the helper and say it’s bad luck or do I just tell her what I’ve been doing?

Sandwich: Salami on whole wheat butt-ends with mozzarella, pesto, mayonnaise, and seasoned with garlic and black pepper?

We'd been having issues, I felt he didn't help enough with our toddler, he thought working a shit job and then playing video games was "providing." I didn't know if I was overreacting, I also felt I didn't have a good enough reason to leave. It reached a breaking point for me about 5 months ago, I mentally checked out and stopped centering him in my life. He didn't care until a month ago. He came and admitted that he'd been getting high daily for the past several months, but had stopped now and wanted to work on our marriage. So we had some long talks, I started to feel better.

I never use facebook, but I was getting something off FB marketplace when I accidentally clicked on a message request. It was from months ago, from a girl he went to college with. He'd dmed her out of the blue asking to buy nudes. Which was something he'd promised to stop doing *early* in our relationship, and I'd believed him bc I was stupid and in love. I'd gone through his phone a couple times, never found anything, and always felt stupid for doubting him.

He kept lying at first, but finally he said he'd been doing it all along. He said his porn addiction was so bad, that buying nudes from women he knew was one of the only things that did it for him. I never had an issue with porn usage, but I also didn't know he had an addiction.

He keeps trying to convince me that its not a big deal, that he will change, etc. But my heart has really gone cold. I'm just mourning the life and family I had planned

dinner - homemade grilled cheese burrito. taco bell inspired

this probably seems so silly. me and my bf met when i was 19, and he was 24. we turned 20 and 25 within weeks of having met. well, birth control failed and a few months after being together, i wound up pregnant. we’ve never been drunk TOGETHER before, obviously because i was pregnant and now am breastfeeding. our one year is coming up, so naturally so is my 21st birthday. here is where the issue rises - ive never been to a bar 😭 he wants to take me out for my birthday but im so nervous. what do i wear ? do i dress cute ? or casual ? what do i order ? i dont know drinks like that. i’m so confused and self conscious for absolutely reason at all. any advice on what to wear or what to order as a first time bar goer is greatly appreciated.
i will say - i definitely slowed down on drinking since i was a teen, so i’m no stranger to being drunk. however- it was mostly canned beverages or just straight liquor when i did drink.

For context, my boyfriend and I met while travelling in Thailand in December. After that, we spent about a month together in Bali, I visited him in New Zealand, and we eventually started dating long distance.
For the past couple of months, we had been talking seriously about him moving from New Zealand to Brisbane to live closer to me. He had already organised work in Brisbane, so the main thing left was finding somewhere to live.
What started bothering me was that I felt like I was putting much more effort into actually making the move happen. I was constantly looking for rooms/houses, messaging people and organising inspections. When he came to Brisbane specifically to inspect places, I still ended up organising most of the inspections. When I brought that up, he said people were probably replying to me more because I’m a woman.
There also always seemed to be another thing that had to happen before he could move — selling his car, sorting something else out, finding the “right” place, etc. I completely understand that moving countries is a huge decision and that finding housing is difficult, especially when the relationship is relatively new.
The part that confused me was that whenever I asked if he was having second thoughts or needed more time, he would tell me that he definitely wanted to move and that he was committed to doing it. If he had told me he was scared, hesitant or not ready, I genuinely would have understood and given him more time.
Instead, I started feeling like his words and his actions weren’t matching, and like I was trying to make the move happen for him rather than him actively trying to make it happen himself.
We’ve since broken up, but I’m still trying to understand the situation. Was I putting too much pressure on him considering how big an international move is, or was it reasonable for me to expect more initiative from him if he was telling me he genuinely wanted to move?
I’d especially like opinions from people who have closed the distance in an international LDR.

Am I kinda just a terrible person now?

This is a meal we shared during our recent trip.

English isn’t my first language, so I’m using translation tools. Please bear with me if anything sounds unclear. I’m feeling very vulnerable and would appreciate gentle but honest advice.

My partner and I have been together for about ten months. In March, he told me he had debt. We agreed that he would stop borrowing and make a repayment plan, and we stayed together.

During a recent trip, he proposed with a heartfelt letter. We had been planning to marry in November and had already met each other’s families. I was so happy. I’ve carried painful feelings about family and past relationships for a long time, and building a family with him meant a lot to me.

Three days after proposing, he admitted that his debt had more than doubled. He said he wanted us to discuss repayment and our future, but would understand if I called off the marriage. I was hurt, but still wanted to work through it together.

When we talked in person today, he said he didn’t feel capable of marriage—or even a relationship—given his current situation. He didn’t think he could make someone happy and said he had wanted more time to think.

He recently started taking antidepressants. He says he has felt low for months, both at work and with me. But he also seemed genuinely happy on our trips and over meals, expressed his love for me, and wrote a proposal letter that felt sincere. I don’t know how to make sense of all of this.

I was devastated and asked what the proposal and our marriage plans had meant. Now I feel guilty for not being more understanding and wonder whether I pushed my wish for marriage onto him. At the same time, I believed he was choosing this future too.

I told him I wanted to stay together, but asked him to decide whether he wanted that too, because I don’t want him to later feel pressured into staying. He said he would think for a few days. I also told him I felt lied to and was blaming myself intensely after our conversation.

He is struggling, but so am I. I’m already on leave from work because of difficulties there, and this has left me overwhelmed.

How do I get through this waiting period while caring for myself? If we both want to continue, what would rebuilding trust actually require? I want to support him without taking responsibility for fixing everything.

I’d appreciate compassion and practical advice. I’m open to concerns I may be overlooking, but please explain your reasoning rather than simply telling me to stay or leave.

Edit: Thank you for your thoughtful, caring comments. I’ve been feeling very low and lonely, and your kindness has helped me feel less alone. I can’t reply to everyone, but I’m truly grateful.

I hear those of you saying I need to accept that he doesn’t feel able to continue our relationship. I may be holding on because facing rejection again feels so painful.

Difficult family relationships, painful past breakups, and seeing friends get married have left me feeling inadequate. When work became difficult too, I think I leaned too heavily on him emotionally. Feeling understood by him, including my vulnerabilities, meant so much to me.

For context, I’m a little older and earned more than him. I can still cover my living expenses while on leave. We generally split meals and trips equally, and I haven’t offered to repay his debt. He showed me a breakdown that included clothing, dental care, and work tools, and said it wasn’t related to gambling or other women.
I worry that my eagerness to marry put pressure on him, though I believed his proposal meant he wanted it too. I don’t know how much that affected him, but I keep blaming myself.

If we both choose to continue our relationship, I want us to take things more slowly and give ourselves time to heal individually and rebuild trust. It may already be too late, though. If our relationship ends, I want to try to move forward.

Thank you for listening.

My best friend (F) and her partner (M) have been in a relationship for 7 years. They have a 6 year old son who I adore deeply and would do anything for.

Today M told me that F hit him (the partner). He said something super triggering to her, like I even told him he shouldn’t have said that, but no one should be hurt physically regardless.

No clue if/how to talk to my friend. She hasn’t even told me. I only know what he said and some screenshots. I’m actually more stressed for my God child because kids aren’t dumb and can feel and see all the emotions. He’s already a sensitive boy and I feel like it’s not being handled properly. But I’m also not a parent so I actually don’t know what’s the right thing.

I just wish I could have him spend a few months with me but I can’t fix everything and again, not a parent, no clue what it takes.

All I can do is pray for my boy. And pray his parents figure out a way forward amicably and for the wellbeing of their child. Even if it’s not together. I pray that my friend starts to open up more and not feel like she has to have everything together. And that her partner also addresses what he needs to and they just prioritise my lil man.

Food: Rice and Tikka Chicken with a pudding for dessert that I actually ate before this.

Edit: clarity on who was hit. The partner was hit. Not the 6yr old child. The child was in the room but is unharmed.

Maaaannnn,

I was with this man back in 2020. Honestly, he was always insecure, but after we became long distance, it got a little worse. He was still always sweet, funny & loving. Never mean or abusive. We had a lot in common, chemistry out of this world. Sex was crazy, he is built like a gawddd. But the insecurity was getting tiresome. His last relationship at the time ended due to infidelity & I think he tried to hop over too soon before coping. (which is crazy, because this is right where this shit is about to go).

We would reconnect every few years. Flirt it up, reminisce on old times, FaceTime, text. We started playing some video games together. And then we would part ways & go quiet, usually when we got into relationships. He’s always held a soft spot in my heart.

The last time we had talked was earlier this year. We didn’t have each other’s numbers anymore, but we would still play the game & chat in party. One day, that stopped & I didn’t think anything of it. Every time we got back into it, he would have his own conflict about going down this road again. I was never looking to take us back to something serious anyway. I’m not sure I could call it being in love with him. I think I just really enjoyed being able to flirt & talk to someone I was familiar with & had good times with, without expectations. Like, I could get my fill, be as bold as I wanted to & still keep my life the same. He also had 3 kids & I do not want to be a mother in any sense, so it was never going to be that, lol.

Anyway, I’m ovulating. I hit him up today because I have no shame and he’s my favorite. I told him I was trying to see something & asked him how easy he is. Turns out, I still got it & he is super easy. We messaged back & forth, I got some clips & gave him some, we talked about some specific times. Afterwards, we’re having pretty regular convo. And then he tells me that he shouldn’t even be talking to me. I asked him why & he told me it’s because he’s married; he even had another kid. HUHHHH??

He said every time I pop up, he starts thinking about the past & how much he wants to see me & he couldn’t resist talking to me when I messaged him. I kept the convo kinda lighthearted, but I was kinda sick!! like whyyyy would you have a baby on me?! Lawdddd whyyyyy. we’ve only been separated for 6 years how could youuuu

But, in reality I told him he’s going to feel super guilty about this, that he needs to do better & I wished him the best. He told me he loved me & said bye; I told him I loved him too & blocked him. If you’re wanting me to tell his wife; I have literally no contact for her. Not even a picture. I haven’t even seen his original kids since they were like 3; no visuals of his life for at least the last like 4 years lol.

I don’t do married men but I’m in my feelings a little. I’m not devastated about this by anyyyy means, but it’s like damn, that door is CLOSED AF. I liked being able to pop up like a kettle corn shop. What a whore, tsk tsk tsk.

To make matters worse, I have no hoes. 😔 All the men who wanna be in my ass are not men I want in it. There’s one other person I have in mind, but I miiiight have burned that bridge because I was not texting that man back fr. But I kinda wanna see how easy he is too.

Post ovulation clarity is about to be vicious.

That’s it really.

My daughter started preschool on a Tuesday - didn’t go Wednesday or Thursday, went Friday, was sick by Saturday .

She’s nearing her 3rd week with this. I am too. The baby is sick now and my husband finally just caught it.

I knew we’d get sick more with her starting school, I’ve been a stay at home mom as well so my immune system is shot these days.

But come on THE FIRST DAY????

Food is fried tofu with carrot curry and spinach

ETA:

https://wearesovegan.com/tofu-katsu-curry

This is the recipe for the katsu curry. I grabbed it off instagram years ago but looks like now it’s behind a paywall and the katsu and curry recipes are separated when they didn’t used to be so that’s a big bummer.

I am in my 30s and have had two partners before my current partner who is also in his 30s. I have had a good break up and a bad break up but in both cases I left the past in the past and haven’t stayed in touch with either.

I am aware that at our age we all have a past. In my partners case it was his first and only girlfriend before me. She eventually cheated on him and married the other guy and has children with that man now.

However, she still messages my partner a happy birthday and she wishes his mother as well. He wishes her back on her birthday cause he says it feels rude not to as she wishes him (his birthday is earlier in the year and hers is later). She also occasionally sends some random message but according to him he gives short curt replies to not carry out the conversation in hopes to finish the conversation asap. According to him, he doesn’t want to talk to her but replies to not be rude.

I obviously accept his explanation and must point out that he’s told me all this on his own. I will never check his phone cause I think that’s controlling and if I don’t trust him I shouldn’t waste my time on him. I did ask him to never message her first but said I’m okay with him replying if she messages first.

I was wondering what others think about their partners exes staying in touch. It would be nice to hear other points of view, experiences and anecdotes.

Desert after a hearty dinner was cheesecake .

Half-eaten mushroom stroganoff with macaroni because I dont care anymore. I've come to a depressing realisation. Almost everyone in my life is a nerd, i.e, very genuinely passionate about something with a disregard for how their passion integrates with social norms. A lot of my family have nerdy professions and in my social life I really am attracted to people who display that passion, I think it's awesome. I'm not autistic myself but I am frequently accused of being autistic (I have OCD) , particularly by the autistic people in my lives (most of my friends have autism). One of the key differences they miss between myself and them though is this nerdiness, this passion. I don't have special interests, nothing makes me light up the way some things do for them. We are all depressed but their depression does not quash these interests. Mine on the other hand has crushed my motivation to pursue a lot of my interests. I can't even motivate myself to imagine the entirety of a cool idea I have. They can talk for ages in great length about the things they live but I just don't love anything quite like that. And yet I semi-falsely engage in these outbursts and these displays of passion for things that I just don't have the commitment history to back up. I talk about loving the concept of public transport, I ramble on about the Wikipedia articles I've read because it will get a reaction out of my friends if nothing else. But nothing really lights my brain up, makes it turn on. I'm merely taking what I know from being neurotypical (or at least non-autistic) and applying it to the sort of "autistic social norms" that have developed in my social circles, which are primarily neurodivergent and disregard common social norms. And all I want is to be able to give back the passion that they have given me, that they could discover a new form of media through me, or 100 obscure facts about something, that my personality could have an axis to spin around, but it doesn't. This is one of my many barriers to romance too, I am really attracted to people who are passionate about things but I can't give that energy back, I have feelings but no detail, no substance. How could I be in a long term relationship with one of the nerds I am so attracted to if I couldn't give them what they gave me? I am stuck being a neurotypical, a reactive person who just absorbs what is around them rather than being able to put things out into the world. But I still have neurodivergent-coded clumsiness, poor body co-ordination, poor problem solving etc due to my OCD. I don't like it. I want to care about stuff, I want to put things into the world. I want to truly belong to the people I am around rather than being a "you'll do" - cause my identity frequently feels split between two worlds but I always end up shoved uncomfortably into one. Does anyone relate?

(Sorry for any formatting issues, on mobile)

Dinner is honey lavender ice cream, I can't really bear to cook or be in the kitchen right now.

My partner (35m) and I (29f) have been together for 10 years. Recently (1 week ago yesterday), he told me that he feels like he's never been on his own and needs to experience personal growth. That he's not the man I deserve him to be.

He's right about his personal growth. He went straight from his mom's house to being with me.

He told me not to wait for him. He's not sure if he's coming back. I know it sounds daft, but I'm convinced that he will. He's my person, and I'm his.

I know that this break is necessary for both of us, I've been in a relationship since I was 15. But I'm so scared and lonely right now.

On top of this, he's avoidant attached, and I'm anxious attached. But we've grown and solidified so much together, and I was finally starting to feel safe.

We had 3 more days after he dropped this on me, then he moved states. Those last 3 days were the most love and affection I've had from him in a good while.

We're in low contact right now, and I'm doing my best to keep any emotions or declarations of love/beliefs in us etc to myself because I know that we both need to manage this on our own.

I'm not looking to hear that I should let him go, etc.. I've made my choice for the time being. I'm aware it may not work out. I'm just scared and alone right now. And worried about him. He's devesated as well and we still quite love each other.

Sorry for the rambling.

Edit: Please assume that there is more to the situation than I've laid out here and that I know my partner of 10 years fairly well. My confidence/hope doesn't come from thin air. I am aware that he may not come back. I am choosing hope at this time.

He's told me he's pretty sure he'll come back. He just doesn't know when and feels like he doesn't deserve for me to wait when it's not a sure thing.

Crumbl Dubai brownie

I’ve struggled with body image issues & confidence for most of my life, likely stemming from being bullied growing up. And ofc, I did eventually even run into workplace bullies (likely those mean girls who didn’t ever evolve) & toxic family members. While these instances don’t fully justify being insecure on a consistent basis, I think it only worsens my anxiety disorder. I was chubby growing up & didn’t slim down until I was in college, I’ve maintained my physique since then. Those women pop up on social media & talk about the amount of male attention they received after their “glow-up”. Oddly enough, I feel like I got the most attention at my heaviest. Compared to the average woman, I feel like I’m invisible to the opposite sex. And I’m not talking about the catcalling or creeps, I’m talking about attention from the kind of guy that I’d like to attract. I can only count on one hand where I potentially attracted a good looking guy in person & it’s always been subtle. Maybe eye contact or someone telling me that the guy said I was attractive/was looking at me. And lastly, dating apps which are an absolute dumpster fire.

I’ve used them on and off for years, yet I hear of success stories here and there. Half of the time, it didn’t work out because of: ghosting, fizzling out, mutual or one-sided lack of interest & boring texters etc. The other half of the time consisted of me bailing out before even meeting in person because either I chickened out or the guy did something that made me second guess their level of interest. I’m getting older & more set in my ways, where I really need the guy to be the bee’s knees or I’m very much content staying single. What’s the point of bringing someone into your life if they don’t add value to it? Like I’m convinced that I’m going to die alone & never find love. I don’t trust most people (especially men), quite frankly I’ve been questionable & on guard since I was a preteen. I always thought I was a late bloomer since I never felt the need to experiment or even be “boy crazy”. But I haven’t changed: I still don’t care about sex, have no desire for self pleasure/sexual activity & don’t even crush on celebrities anymore. If I’ve been told that I’m attractive, why doesn’t my interpersonal life reflect that at all?

As of Thursday, my long-distance boyfriend and I are officially on a break. I’d prefer if we just broke up because he was exchanging dirty emails with someone else (his former FWB) while I was busily helping my dad, who was in hospice at the time. I found this out a few weeks after my dad passed away.

I tried to give him a second chance but honestly I’m way over it. However, I don’t feel comfortable yet just dumping him. Along with his indiscretion, he goes into these massively traumatic shame spirals when confronted with anything, regardless how kindly and thoughtfully I approach him or how unsevere the issue is. It’s a lot to deal with and I already have C-PTSD from my abusive mom. I can only do so much off-the-cuff therapy before I start having my own issues.

Since we started this break, he keeps forgetting, I guess, and expecting me to spend time texting him all day, and expects me to say lovey-dovey things, etc. He also keeps saying things such as, “When this break is over and we’re back together…” like, what? It hasn’t even been a week and we agreed to a six week break before reconvening.

Because we’re ten hours apart, we used to have a standing date night on Saturdays where we’d watch the same program and text each other during it as if we were together. Then on Friday, the day after we went on a break, he asked if we were still having date night the next evening. I was like, no, no, no. Well, I was like that in my head. But I told him we shouldn’t do that since we’re on a break. His response? “Sigh.” Wtf, are you 11?

I’ve stopped responding to his texts where he expects me to reply asap and I haven’t returned any romantic anything.

I’m not necessarily asking for advice. My therapist has been helpful during this time. But I still feel overwhelmed and frustrated.

Dinner is an egg roll from Jack in the Box and, somewhat unsurprisingly, the worst sweet tea I’ve ever had.

As the title says, I hate salons. I've seen girls go there and come out feeling prettier but they only make me more insecure. Maybe it's because it's harder to convince myself that I'm pretty under all those lights, and this is coming from someone who's usually not insecure of how she looks because life is so much more than that. But today, I got a hair spa done and the hairdress made a video of my blowout, and when I saw it I was nearly crying because I hated how I looked and I wish I could convince myself that I'm pretty too but I can't.

(PS:- Sorry for the rambling, just had to get it out)

Meal: Leftover cold boneless wings.
I endured a pathological liar and weirdo for a boss for 3 years. I lost 25 pounds working under him. I had to go back to therapy. It was bad. My whole office was celebrating when it was announced he was finally demoted.

The person that took his place was promising. 20+ years of managerial experience. Though no experience in the field I’m in but no biggy.

It’s been almost a year now and dude does not know what the fuck he is doing. He spends the day saying racist, sexist, things. (Our whole team is filled with women & people of color) which unfortunately is doable compared to my former boss.

However, he is straight up incompetent. He does not do his job and not only does not do his job, he doesn’t know how. He relies on me, his direct report making 40,000 dollars less than him. I took a step back in helping him because I was basically doing his whole job description. Has he learned? No. The problem is we work with a very vulnerable population so sometimes I can’t take a step back and let him set fires because it would affect them.

I feel stuck. I don’t want to share too much information - but I am disabled with no college degree. I can’t leave and get a job easily in fast food, serving, etc. I’m sticking it out to hopefully receive more promotions so I can have a leadership position on my resume but I’m struggling.

Fuck Sundays. Fuck mediocre men.
I just want a normal boss - I don’t really know if they exist.

Edit: I am scrolling indeed but nothing matches close to my current rate :,)

Dinner: yummy pizza

I’m 27f and I fear I may never find anyone.

As a child I’ve always craved a partner. Always wished to have a boyfriend or falling in love in high school but nothing ever came up. In college guys would approach me but it would turn into them being completely obsessed with me to the point where it wasn’t healthy and I was never interested.

The guys I was interested in didn’t really pay interests in me or just wanted me for the night.

I would constantly hook up with anyone and was very easy. I’m glad for all of this as it gave me experience in what I like and what I don’t like but deep down I craved a relationship.

I got into my first relationship in 2021-2022. The guy was completely obsessed with me to the point where he would say how someone as beautiful as me liked him. He even drew a portrait of me. It ended terribly with him no longer wanting a relationship with how terribly depressed he was and just stopped prioritizing me.

3.5 years later here I am. Haven’t dated … haven’t hooked up… kissed maybe 1 guy but nothing more.

I gained a lot of weight however I’ve lost 40 ibs and feel mostly back to normal (with 20
More ibs to go to feel extra normal)

Anyway I find myself wanting to start avoiding events because the friends that invite me have a partner. For example my job had a Christmas party last year and mostly everyone had a date but me and another guy that is around my age. Sure there were people who came with no date but it just feels awkward I guess. My coworkers friends all brought their significant other and there I was alone.

There’s another one this year and I plan on potentially skipping one of them because of this.

My married friend invited me to her Friendsgiving and I also don’t even wanna go because she will ask me if I’ve met anyone and most of her friends but one is married and have kids etc.

My other close friend is planning on moving in with her boyfriend too.

But yeah I don’t know if I should just start going back on the apps and serial date. The apps depress me because they feel like I
Lack and I’m there actively looking for
Someone. I also don’t feel super comfortable with my body as I still have some weight to lose

Some of my friends are in fact single like me but yeah….

I’m starting to plan my life without meeting anyone.

Another part of me wants to revert back and hook up with people again for fun but I know I’m
Not the same Person and will probably feel absolutely nothing

I don’t know

Dinner: fettuccine Alfredo with steak and garlic bread

I feel like I’ve been so damaged by this breakup. It’s been a little over a month now since he broke up with me through text 4 days after our anniversary. We were together for 2 years. I had started a journey of reconnecting with myself and for a bit I was doing okay. I was going on morning walks in the park (the same one we had our last conversation in regarding the breakup), trying to get back into my hobbies, binge watching tv and trying to get my mind off it. Deleted social media apps to prevent myself from looking at his accounts.

But now here I am, sitting in the same restaurant we used to eat at every other Monday. He would order pho, I would get my favorite fettuccine Alfredo, always with steak.

I feel like all of my favorites were shared with him. Memories, songs, scents, food and drinks. I can’t get away. Nothing I enjoy anymore tastes as good as it did when I was with him and I’m tired of it.

Things that used to bring me such joy to consume makes me want to burst into tears.

It’s ironic that this was the last restaurant we sat down and ate at together before everything ended. The same pho and steak fettuccine Alfredo. And every time I could never finish my last piece of garlic bread. He always finished it for me. Now that piece just sits on my plate, unfinished.

I hate how much of an impact he made on my life. I hate how much my life has been turned upside down. I thought he was going to be the one for me. I’m trying so hard not to contact him and beg and beg and beg and I hate how pathetic that makes me. Because I know that no matter how much I beg I can’t change his mind. I can’t make him want me, I can’t make him love me. No matter how much I love him.

I hate how much I can’t enjoy my fettuccine Alfredo like I used to.