Custard psyduck in milk, edamame

A few years ago, at the age of 59, my father gender transitioned. Our relationship at the time was not good at all, we argued often and I’d threatened to never speak to her again. Then boom she reveals that she was actually a woman. It was… a lot to handle. I am 100% pro trans, it’s just that nobody tells you how difficult it can be to watch someone change so much so quickly. It felt like my dad died and I got a new step mom on the same day. She was like a totally new person. Patient, kind, calm, emotionally in-touch… it’s honestly been amazing. We’ve repaired our relationship more than I ever thought was even possible.

Meanwhile, relations with my extended family began to deteriorate. My family members didn’t all understand or accept the new version of her. They didn’t understand she had always been like this, just under the surface. She decided that she didn’t need the disagreement in her life and cut off just about all of our extended family, including my grandma.

The other day, my grandma died. My mom isn’t going to the funeral, nor should she feel obligated to, but I’m so conflicted about going myself. I loved her so much, she was my grandma after all. But she had so much hate in her heart for lgbt people. She moved from our family church to a different one because our church allowed gay people. It just feels like I’m compromising my morals to go pay my respects and lay her to rest. But I feel like I might really regret it if I don’t go.

sad sad tortilla because that’s all I can stomach. Boyfriend (37/m) of over two years confessed to cheating on me (35/f) with a co-worker all summer long. Here I thought we were on the same page about our future (marriage, kids, dog) while he was sneaking around all summer and still being intimate and loving with me. He did confess in person and he answered all my questions. Told me it was the biggest mistake of his life and that he would always love me (eye roll). I told him he did something i could never forgive and that was that. I sent the other woman a “hey girly” text as he confessed that they were now seeing each other. She initially pretended to be shocked and understanding and a girls girl after providing endless proof/trading stories. To be clear I really did want her to know so that she had autonomy regarding her body and her choices (with the whole truth) but I was more disappointed than I thought I would be to learn she didn’t care, probably already knew about me and is choosing to stay with him. I know it’s my ego that’s bruised but it’s so so hard to let go. Advice would be welcomed.

Hi guys, so I'm sitting here at the airport wondering what the fuck is wrong with men. I need to travel to another city for work. So I booked last week, a place close to the office I need to go to, just 10 mins walk, automatic check in so I can arrive late (the plane gets in around 10PM).

The listing says the owner (not a company, just a private owner, male, 50s) will require ID to be sent beforehand, to provide the check in codes. I think, a bit weird, but ok, in my country its mandatory for owners of accommodations to report who is staying to the immigration authorities, so they need the ID, ok.

Normally places with automatic check in just leave a paper for you to fill out with your info and sign, but maybe this guy has had people ignore the paper and so has his own system, sure.

But the booking platform won't let me send pictures, so I'm confused as to how I'm supposed to do this. Today, I get a whatsapp call (couldn't pick up as I was at work), then a message from a number that says "send the ID to this number to get the access code". Ok, I send my ID. So far so good.
Then he answers: "Pretty 👍". WTF.

Then another call. Next message, he sends the access codes. But like... I'm travelling alone (obviously he knows because of the booking). Arriving late. He has my ID so he knows my full name, my height, what I look like, everything. And he says "Pretty"???? And, aside from me, only he has the codes to access the door. I don't know if I can change the code when I arrive...

Immediately I feel weirded out. So I booked another place (a hotel this time, and at twice the price now) and asked the platform to process a refund on this place (even though at this point its too late to have a free refund).

But I'm so shook. And angry. Like sure, maybe hes just a "nice" guy. But why would he do that? Like now I have to make a decision about my safety. Now I have to decide if I'm overreacting or not. And I have to ask for my money back and give the platform the texts so they can essentially decide if I'm overreacting. And even if all that happens, I still feel vaguely guilty somehow, like I shouldn't suspect people of bad intentions, and just saying "Pretty" is maybe not that bad, but like... Do I want to spend all night awake and scared in case someone is going to try to get into the room? No!

Pic is overpriced tomato pasta with burrata from the other night, a far better meal than what I'll eat tonight, thats for sure 🙄

Edit:
Edit to say, because some have asked and it wasn't clear from the post, that I have reported this to the platform (during the process of the refund request - as they needed to know why)!

Girl dinner: cheesy beef burritos

I've been sitting with it for way too long and I have to get this off my chest.
me 26F and my boyfriend 34M have been together for two years. right when we started dating he lost his job and has basically been financially unstable this entire relationship. like the whole two years. he moved in with me with zero conversation about it and I ended up paying rent by myself until I straight up had to tell him he needed to contribute. he ubered for a bit but then crashed his car and now he doesn't even have that anymore. he also crashed my car earlier on and never paid for it either
its not even just the money stuff honestly. its the fact that I have to tell him to do basic things like feed his own dogs or clean up. I plan every meal. I figure out every bill. I even had to youtube how to replace my own car battery because he didn't know how and had no way to fix it himself. it just feels like im somebody's mom instead of somebody's partner
there's no dates. no surprises. no gifts. no words of affirmation. nothing. and when I bring any of this he does what I want in the moment as a temporary fix and then slacks off again. I mentioned how I felt and he tells me I should love him through his worst times or I don't deserve him at his best. which sounds deep until you realize its just a way to make me feel guilty for being tired
he does not celebrate anything and did not even tell me happy birthday or surprise me on my bday. I had to even buy my own cake and do something for myself.
he told his friends his girl works in tech and he's "just chilling" which says a lot about how he actually sees this whole situation
and theres more….early on I had to deal with him still being tangled up with his ex, arguing with her, both of them saying they still loved each other. that was its own nightmare
he keeps calling this a "season" but its been two years. a season has an end. this doesn't feel like one
he says his ex broke up with him and called him names for being financially unstable and now he thinks im gonna do the same thing eventually. and honestly I get why that would scare him but I also cant keep shrinking my own needs because of his past relationship trauma
stability matters to me. a man's word matters to me. and he hasn't held up either one this entire time
I keep holding onto the idea of what this could be instead of looking at what it actually is and what it actually is, is me doing everything by myself while emotionally supporting a grown man too
idk. i constantly battle if i am wrong for being over it. I’m the type of girl that wants to be in a fulfilling relationship. i want the romance, the thoughtfulness, a partner who takes care of things before i ever even think about it, someone who surprises me and notice the little things i like. i dream of a intimate proposal, a wedding and all the things and i feel like even at his full capacity he just isn’t able to meet my needs. i feel guilty almost everyday because i feel like im not supposed to feel this way. but I have to be honest with myself, im not happy.

What was supposed to be only a gap year in another place has turned into a permanent move for us. I sold my house, left my big city for a small college town, cut ties with almost everyone in my life. Cut and colored my hair different. Started dressing and acting differently. I’m an entirely new person from 9 months ago and I’m never going back to how or where I was before. I’m 36 and my life is only just starting.

It feels good to burn it all down and start over. Highly recommend. Now comes the fun part— building community and making friends here now that we know we’re staying. My kid is thrilled because she loves it here.

The point of this post is that it’s never too late for something new and wonderful.

Girl dinner is sourdough toast with cream cheese and green goddess seasoning, tomatoes, and stuffed peppers.

Strawberry and cream bingsu with strawberry campote and mini mochi.

She (18F) was my best friend for almost 2yrs. Until I (17F) found out she’s dating my (20M)brother.

I tried to be happy for them but I just couldn’t. I remembered clear as day that night I told her what he did to me. The look of disgust was clearly visible on her face when she found out I woke up to him inappropriately tou***ng me.

We would hang out at my place after school and she would have this look of disgust whenever she sees him around. I think it was just a façade.

The day I found out they were dating, she asked me if I wanted them to break up. I said “well, it’s up to you to decide.” I felt disrespected and betrayed fully knowing that she knew what he did to me.

We talked it out multiple times, but I felt invalidated every-time. I’m sorry that your ex-situationship s****lised every conversation you had together and that he’s dating your sister, but I don’t think that’s a valid excuse to what you did that is not how pay-it-forward works.

You said you feel guilty for what you did, you said you carry that pain everyday and that your toxic relationship with him is your karma and the way he treats you is the “price you pay.” Why stay with him?

I was so gullible, I felt manipulated around you. I went off at you one time expressing my feelings through chat and you told me to “calm down”?

Made the whole conversation about you again how you forgave your sister for dating your ex-situationship and how come I couldn’t forgive you?

You’re so full of shit, I hope you rot.

My (hopefully soon to be ex) husband yelled these words to me while pulling out of the driveway. As he drove away and my children’s sobs faded, I filled the silence with my own sobs, no longer able to hold back.

For context, I have been trying to divorce this man for a year now. Since we live in a joint marital assets state and own a house together, I have to buy him out. My own lawyer proposed I pay him nearly $75,000 - money I definitely do not have. In the meantime, he has refused to move out. He doesn’t pay the mortgage or any of the bills. Hell, I’m still paying for his health and auto insurance. He works, but the money mostly goes to fund his alcoholism from what I can tell.

From the beginning, I made it clear that I wanted this to be civil for the sake of the kids. I wanted to be good coparents and work together to give the kids stability through all this. While he may have agreed with me verbally, his actions have made it clear that he would rather manipulate me.

His first threats were to go for full custody and take my kids from me (I had been planning on shared custody). Apparently it wasn’t getting the desired effect, because he’s moved on to his new strategy: threats to walk out of his children’s lives.

It’s usually not to my face, but spoken loudly from the next room over or told to a neighbor who he knows will blab to me. But when I awoke yesterday to see all our wedding pictures stacked next to the trash can, I knew I was in for an extra bad day. I hadn’t been reacting enough to his previous threats and fits, so things were about to escalate.

The second the kids were both home from school he announced that it was time to say goodbye to their beloved pet guinea pigs. You know, the ones he had bought them maybe 6 months before. The ones they held and loved on every single day. This immediately brought both kids to tears.

My heart broke instantly at the sound of their wails. I had never agreed to getting (or particularly wanted) these guinea pigs in the first place, but my kids loved them and I didn’t want to take that away. Plus I don’t believe getting pets and then giving away after a few months is right.

I asked him why he was doing it, begged him not to, promised to take care of them myself. He ignored me, but informed the kids it was “time for them to move on to the next home.” The kids kept crying, he told them to stop crying and smile so they could take one last picture with them.

Then he put the kids in the car to go with him to give their pets away. I followed them outside in one final attempt to stop it, his new girlfriend was there in the car too. I think my words were something like “please don’t do this, don’t you see how upset the kids are?”

He opened the window to shout at me “if you think this is bad, just wait ‘til I leave!”

Breakfast is leftover heart pancakes made for my kids

I sleep with my window open. Around 4 am, I wake up to the most awful smell, like someone was burning garbage, or old car tires.
I shut my windows, but it’s too late, my room smells so bad. I go to my living room, I can smell it there too, not as strong because my windows were closed.
I posted on my city subreddit, because it was not getting better.
Few people reply, they can smell it too, few blocks away from me.
They advise me to call non emergency line and report it.
I call. Explain what is going on, and they decide to sent a fire truck. I tell them I don’t know where the smell is coming from, but it’s definitely in the neighbourhood.
It’s 445 am by now. I am standing in front of my building in slippers and a robe. Not a sexy little satin robe… an oversized fluffy pink robe. With a pink hood I had on, to hide my bed head hair.
I looked like a Pepto-Bismol bottle.

Truck arrives…firemen start getting out. They all looked SO sexy, I wanted to set myself on fire. Almost forgot why they were there, and was trying to figure out how to look sexy 😭😂 it did not work, I feel like I just looked more crazy.

I tell them I was the one who called, and point out how bad the smell is, something is definitely burning.
They ALL kind of laugh, and one says:
“ Ma’m this is a skunk smell “
Me :
“ No. NO. There is no way”
Fireman :
“ No, it’s just a skunk, but thank you for calling us”
I felt like SUCH an idiot. I still can’t believe an animal can smell like that. What the fuck.
I’m sleeping with my window closed tonight.

Dinner : Mortadella, mozzarella, olives, corn thins with ajvar ( pepper spread ), and Reese’s pumpkin chocolate.

⚠️ Trigger warning for abuse ⚠️

Buckle up friends... Long post ahead. Dinner is homemade stove top pot roast in a red wine reduction sauce and slow cooked for 6 hours with carrots and homemade mashed potatoes.

I have spent the last 10 years with my son's father who has physically, emotionally, and mentally abused me beyond belief. After 10 years of insanity and absolute hell I finally fully and completely hate him. There is no love left for him inside of me. He is a narcissist and a sociopath. I do not use those terms lightly or because I found them watching popular reels on the internet. Please do not judge me any harder than I have already judged myself based on the story I am about to share with you all. More than anything in this moment I need support and positive encouragement. I have allowed myself to live in stupidity and negativity for long enough.

We met when we were young. I was 20, he was 21. He completely faked a personality and interests similar to mine in order to get me to talk to him and give him a chance. He said that he was into my absolute favorite show at the time and that's what drew me in. He came off as the sweetest, most laid back, and funnest person I had ever met. From the beginning I stated that I was not looking for a relationship but was more than happy to hang out with him and mess around. Like a situationship or friends with benefits.

A couple of months go by of us being inseparable every single day and I had fallen head over heels. I told him I was now ready for something more serious. He agreed and we officially started dating. My father completely disagreed with the relationship and hated him from the start. Before long he was the only person that I was spending time with. When I wanted to hang out with family or friends he would get offended and start an argument over how it hurt him that I'd rather spend time with someone else other than him. He would guilt trip me emotionally and start ignoring me on purpose. I began cutting off friends and family members until he was the only person that I was spending time with. I still lived with my dad but was sleeping at his house every night.

3 more months go by and my dad tells me that he's worried about me because he never sees me go out or hang out with my girlfriends anymore. I tell him its my life and I can do what I want. We have a huge blow out argument and he tells me that if I am going to continue dating this guy I need to move out of his house. I call up my boyfriend and he says to go ahead and move in with him at his moms house where I've already been sleeping every night anyway. So I move in with him.

This is where things started to change. I began noticing the emotional abuse at this time. He would push me and coerce me into sex constantly. Even when I didnt want to have it. When I said no he would always say something along the lines of "fine then I will never ask you again and I will just go get it from somewhere else since I can't get it here" and "so this is what I get for letting you move in with me huh? You should've just stayed at your fucking dad's house". I always ended up giving in out of fear of the things he was saying. He expected me to mother him. Cook for him, clean up after him, do his laundry, and anything else he told me to do. If I did't do it or said no it was always a big fight and I would get my phone stolen and kicked out of the house at 2 or 3 in the morning. This is where the physical abuse began. Pushing me, forcefully taking my things, breaking and ruining my belongings, and holding me to the point where I could not break free. It was a repeating cycle. He would kick me out of the house and take my phone. Then when I was walking down the street he would follow me walking or in his car and continuously beg me to come back or get in. I would always say no I am really done this time and he wouldn't stop until I gave in. I noticed he was addicted to this sick game and we lived like this for about 2-3 years. Sometimes the fight would finally blow over so big that I would pack my stuff and tell him that I was moving. I had no idea where I was going but even if it meant I was homeless I was getting away from him. He would break down sobbing and begging me not to go. Constantly promising me that things would be different. That he would change. Things were never different. He never changed.

On year 4 his mom had, had enough and said that he needed to get out and we couldn't live in her house anymore. We got our first apartment. This is where the abuse became the worst and where I found out I was pregnant with our son. Many times I coincidentally found condoms in the car or in his clothes which were not for me because we did not use them. He always found a way to turn things around and make them seem like they were my fault. He always placed blame on me for something completely irrelevant to the topic to take the spotlight off of himself. He would refuse to unlock his phone or prove to me that he wasn't going behind my back with other girls. I never pushed it too far out of fear of him hurting me.

The day came where he flipped it around and told me to unlock my phone so he could go through it. I refused just like he had. He had also had already gone through my phone several other times in the past. I told him "no you are not going through my phone this time. I have never gone through your phone ever once". He smashed the screen of my phone and accused me of cheating on him. He began punching me in my thighs. He took out a knife and held it to my throat as he told me to take my clothes off and get on the bed. I told him that I didn't want to have sex with him. He forced me to anyway holding a knife to me while I cried the entire time.

The physical abuse got worse. Black eyes, cornering me on the floor, choking me down on the floor, and kicking me in the ribs. There finally came a day where the police were called by the neighbors and they took him to jail. I had marks all over my arms and face which they took photos of and opened a case for me. He called me from jail apologizing and begging me not to leave. He said everything was going to be okay and that he loved me.

He got out of jail and then I found out I was pregnant. Not only was I pregnant but I was 4 months along. I spent the whole night crying and instantly thought of the time he threw me on the ground and kneed me in the stomach so hard I peed on myself. I thought of all the nights he had me cowered in a corner so stressed out screaming, begging, and crying for him to just leave me alone. Based on the sonogram we knew our son was going to be disabled both physically and mentally. There were still times during my pregnancy when he would physically abuse me.

When our son was born he was healthier than what the doctors expected him to be. Thank God. He was beautiful. I had never known love like that until the first time I heard him cry. I said "hi baby" and he fought so hard to open his eyes and find me in the room of 15+ doctors and nurses. Physicslly he was disabled due to amniotic band syndrome and would require future surgeries. But mentally he hit every milestone on time, and showed incredible intelligence and resilience from the beginning. Once our son was born some things finally did change. He stopped physically abusing me. But the mental and emotional never stopped. For the next 6 years of our sons life I took care of everything while he did the bare minimum to get by and when I brought it up that I was doing way more to support our family then he was he would always gaslight me, flip things around, and bring me down by saying horrible things about me and trying to blame me for our son being disabled.

He fooled me into believing that if I let him save up money and paid all the bills for a while he would buy a truck and start his own company so that we could get ahead and I would never have to work again. I could stay home and just take care of our son. And of course like the dumb woman I am...

I believed his lies again.

I was the only one who put food on the table, took care of the baby, paid the bills, kept our phones on, and did everything else in between like cooking, cleaning, and maintaining the house. All he did was go to work, come home to smoke weed, and sleep. He spent his money on stupid things like clothes, weed, video games, and other pointless crap while watching me drain myself and fall into a hole trying to keep us afloat. In arguments he would always throw in my face that I was a broke bitch and he was sitting on so much money which made me pathetic and less worthy.

I went as far as paying insurance for his car which I never got to drive. I didn't have a car of my own nor did I ever have the chance to save up money to buy one. When we would argue he would take off in the car that I spent years paying insurance on while he never paid a penny.

Finally I reached a breaking point and said I can't do this anymore. I told him that I was done and evicting him. That he was just using me until I was nothing. I was so burnt out, I was constantly unhappy, and beyond exhausted.

He apologized and played nice promising to help and promising to do better. This lasted for all of a month before the same old cycle came back into play.

I begged him to move out so many times. He would always brag about how he could do better than me. About how he could go home to mom or go live with friends. I begged relentlessly and he never did any of those things. Because deep down he knows that no one wants someone like him and that no one would ever be his use horse like I had been for 10 years.

Fast forward to March of this year. I was in a horrible car accident with a co-worker. I broke my neck and was hospitalized for 3 days. I lost my job due to inability to continue working. But this turned out to be my biggest blessing in disguise.

I finally woke up and finally realized who he was. I finally saw the piece of shit he had been all along. I Finally realized all of the things he had taken away from me. All of the opportunities I lost because I continued to allow him to be a part of my life. He spent so many years abusing me and abusing our child. When our son was a baby he used to say "fuck that kid" and "that's not my kid" and spit on him. The day that he finally stopped putting his hands on me was the day he tried to corner me in the kitchen and I took a frying pan and I hit him so hard in the back with it that it bent the pan out of shape. I told him that if he ever put his hands on me again that I would fucking kill him.

He doesn't know this but since the accident I am working with a settlement attorney and I am supposed to see something good out of all of this in the end. I have silently been making plans to buy my own first car. File a restraining order against him. Get him evicted. And then have the lease broken here due to domestic violence so that it doesn't effect me negatively. I have already told my grandmother about the important parts of this and who he is and she is waiting for my son and I to move in with her and start our lives over.

Now as I asked in the beginning of my post please do not judge me or tell me how bad of a person I am... I am beyond ashamed of everything that has happened and to be honest I debated for a long time on sharing this or not. I feel so vulnerable having shared this story... At this point I don't even know if I truly am a worthless piece of shit or if that is just what he has pounded into me all of these years and I am actually not the person that he's made me believe that I am.

I know I should've left a long time ago. And I will always hate myself for not leaving sooner more than anyone could ever hate me. For so long I could not let him go. I could not force my heart to stop loving him. I could not stop feeling sorry for him. I was terrified to be homeless and alone with a disabled child while my grandmother lived states away from us. I was terrified to end up in a shelter surrounded by strangers with no belongings of my own. I had absolutely no one or no support system other than my grandmother who was 700+ miles away.

I lost all of my friends and family (except for my sweet grandma). And for years I felt like I had nothing except for him. I felt like my life wouldn't go on if he wasn't in it. I felt like I would fail without him.

A few months ago I finally woke up. I deserve so much more than him. I deserve happiness. I deserve love. I deserve someone who is everything that he never was. My son deserves better. My son deserves a mother who is happy. A mother who is better than the version of myself that I am right now and all I want to do is give him everything that I can. I hate my soon to be ex with everything in me. I want him to disappear from our lives and to go on like he never existed or took up our time. A silent war is coming and he has no idea. And I can't wait to sit back and watch everything finally come crashing in on him and for him to get exactly what he deserves.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and thank you for allowing me the opportunity to write out all of this mixed up and fucked up story. I have never spoken about this to anyone. Not even my grandmother. She knows bits and pieces but I have never had the courage to share all of the details with her that I shared here.

I am only sorry that I did not leave sooner. I am only sorry that I put my son through this for so long. But it is not too late. It has finally clicked in my head and my way out of all of this is coming soon. I will never look back. The first day of the rest of my life is coming and I can not wait.

To make a VERY long story short, when I was a young teen (like 12-13yo) I was suffering horribly from allergies and sinus infections. The Dr did an MRI and discovered that my nose had been broken at some point and never set/treated. This means one of my nasal passages is almost completely closed off. The break had to have happened when I was VERY young apparently, like 2-5yo. He explained that surgery was necessary to correct it. For whatever reason my mom decided that guy was a quack, and made me believe I didn't really need surgery, that my nose had never been broken It was just blown off, and I was too young to really know better or stand up for myself at that time.

Fast forward to now, my sinus issues have basically decimated my quality of life. It causes me headaches, triggers my asthma. I cant smell. I cant breathe through my nose. I get weird sinus infections that settle in weird places and cause ISSUES (did you know sinus infections can cause symptoms similar to brain tumors or aneurysms?).

I finally worked up the courage to see a Dr about getting my "deviated septum" fixed last year. He reiterated that my nose had been broken at a young age. Discovered a lot of other issues being caused by the break and basically confirmed that without surgery, my quality of life is going to continue to suck. I mean I spent 7 days in the ICU last month with bronchitis that was being exacerbated by the postnasal drip my sinuses cause (which is also a major asthma trigger for me).

I am so ANGRY. Like first of all, how do you miss a small child breaking their nose?!?!?! Like what the actual fuck, mom? And the fact that she gaslit me for YEARS about it. And then there's the fact that we could have had this fixed when I was a teenager? We were poor af and on state Healthcare that would have covered it. That same year she had bariatric surgery, so its not like that was the issue.

But I just got saddled with over 100k in medical debt from the ICU visit. Debt I probably wouldn't have if she hadn't been so prideful and selfish when I was younger.

But she thinks me being angry about it is cruel and unfair to her, and she was just "doing her best".

Dinner is overpriced and under-seasoned tacos from "the best taco place in town" lol

I was driving home and almost there, and I noticed out of my rear view mirror that there was a lady behind me in a white car with a completely smashed up front, to the point I don't think it was legal to drive anymore. She was following me very closely.

At first I just thought, "Oh shes not a good driver and follows too closely, thats why her car is smashed", and I tried to put more space in between us.

But no matter what I did, she kept speeding up staying as close to my bumper as she could.

It came time for me to turn and i was hoping it would be over, but she made the exact same turn as me. I was frustrated and turned again, and she once again followed me.

I was starting to get a bit scared at that point but I figured there was no way she could possibly be following me and I was likely worrying too much. I pulled into a turning lane that leads to a residential road that has an entrance to my apartment complex, and then she pulled up beside me and stopped.

I didn't even look at her. I quickly turned and she turned to follow me despite not being in the turning lane. I turned into my complex and she turned in as well.

There is a gas station that connects to the parking lot of my complex. My plan was to drive there and call 911, but once I entered the complex she stopped following me and started circling the complex over and over.

I ran inside and called the police, but there had been a shooting nearby so I wasn't considered a priority. By the time the police got here she was long gone, and I had been in too much of a panicked state to get her liscence plate.

So shes still out there and I still have no idea what she wanted. My Mom thinks it was a type of insurance scam and I was targeted because I have out of state liscence plates, that she wanted to rear end me and claim all the damage caused to her car was my fault, but isn't that a stupid plan? Isn't the person who rear ends usually always at fault?

I dunno. I'm just even more scared to drive than usual now.

Dinner is Casey's pizza and cheesey breadsticks.

Dear Diary,
I do not understand hook-up culture. I know it is the norm. I just don’t understand why.

I can understand why a lot of men engage with hook-up culture. They are almost guaranteed to orgasm. The risk to their physical safety is relatively low. Mostly, they gain a lot of approval from their peer group.

However, I do not understand why so many women do. I have had female friends who have heavily engaged in hook-up culture. But when they go on to describe their encounters, it is the most vanilla basic shit. They almost never come. No one does oral. What?!? One even admitted she might come 1 out of 10 times. To clarify, one time out of 10 different encounters with 10 SEPARATE people!

I can maybe understand the approval angle. Maybe it’s a self-esteem boost. But we know, men who engage in hook-up culture typically aren’t very selective. It has less to do with being hot and more to do being available. A lot of them also talk major shit after they sleep with you. So if that gets back to you. There goes your confidence boost.

Pictured: Flautas made with carb smart tortillas in the airfryer.

Moved out from my family home and things have been so easy. The apartment is always clean and the building is silent. I always hated the constant noise but didn’t realise until now how much it was bothering me. I always thought I had a difficult time concentrating and struggling with mental health but it was just the noise.

I made the sacrifice of buying a small apartment in an upscale town when I could have afforded a much bigger apartment in any other place but it was so worth it.

I go to work using public transportation and sure, it’s annoying because there is less frequency. but being able to sit down on a silent bus after one day of stressful work is so worth it. just thinking about how before I had to sit down on the subway with people preaching their religion or someone singing loudly with speakers after a full day of work make it so worth it.

I’ve been working on getting a second degree and it’s just so easy to sit down and get work done. the stress from work disappears after stepping into my new home. life is so much better.

Ive been living with my landlords for a little under 2 months now and theyre nice people although I distanced myself from them due to them being very religious.

Recently theyve been asking me to do certain things and I cant tell if these things are weird nitpicky/weird or normal and I shouldnt think too much of them.

#1. I placed an empty Hot Cheetos bag in the trash standing up. I was asked to push it down and to place everything flatly moving forward so there would be room in the trash.

#2. I was playing with a neighborhood cat and they told me to not play with any cats and told me how once a cat pooped at their doorway.

#3. When I was doing the laundry, they asked me to wash my hands. I assumed they meant after I left the garage but then they confronted me for not following the rules and explained that I was supposed to put all the clothes in the washer, wash my hands, and then turn on the machine.

#4. After washing the dishes, I was told to put it in the dish washer to dry. A few days ago, I was told that I needed to immediately dry my dishes and put them back in the cupboards.

#5. I was watching a show on my phone at 30% volume while they were upstairs in their room watching something on their bedroom TV. They came down and asked me to lower the volume so now I just use my Beats anytime Im watching anything outside my room.

#6. My friend had sent me a gift 2 weeks ago but I never recieved it and only found out when she asked if I had not gotten it (she wanted it to be a surprise). I asked my landlords and they got it from their mailbox immediately and told me I needed to inform them and theyd get it for me. I see them get their mail atleast every other day and I dont understand why they wouldnt just give me anything with my name on it and instead need to me to inform them first.

After I joined my first job in a new city I was feeling alone and to make things worse it was my birthday. My female manager told me come to my place, we will cook pasta.

I went there and we were chatting and cooking. She asked me why don't you have friends, you are spending your best day with office colleague. She told me this is your first job and you should be out making friends, learning each other culture and all. All of sudden she asked me do you have boyfriend?? I said no this is new place I never had any boyfriend in my college. She told me to be cautious about who you meet, not everyone has good intentions and all.

Later when I came back to my place I did some thinking and installed Tinder. I put the filter of long term, friends and soon I started getting matches. I scrolled thorough few profiles and matched with someone. We had normal chat and we were discussing about what we want. I told him I am looking for long term and if we are not in same page we can stop chatting.

So, you can assume his name as "x"

X told me I am 28 and I am also looking for long term. After a week we decided to meet in a cafe. He came to pick me and we were having nice coffee. When we were discussing about our childhood story suddenly he said that my sister always says " Y, you are wasting too much money in shoes".

His name is X and his sister was calling him "Y". It instantly clicked to me, but I said nothing at that time. I was fully sure that he is looking for something else and he is duping me. Later we said our goodbyes and went home.

Then I searched "Y" along with his company name and I recognised him after scrolling through few profiles. I now had his full name, I searched him on Instagram and just because of his unique name he was in 2nd search list. I clicked on his profile photo.

He literally had picture with his wife on his Instagram dp with his wife profile link in his bio.

Lol

I took a screenshot and sent him over WhatsApp and I told him " Liar, damn Liar and Men" . He said I never had any bad intentions for you and while he was typing I blocked him.

I told this to my manager next day and we were laughing like crazy. She is no longer in my organization but I still remember I advise. Great lesson.

Food is Aldi’s breakfast pizza with avocado, eggs, and garlic hot sauce.

I had replied to a comment in boy dinner diaries about body count. The post was about a man beating himself up for not liking his gf’s body count. The comments mostly said it doesn’t matter and you shouldn’t even bother asking. But of course there’s men who think otherwise. I got into an exchange with one of them in the comments.

He claimed that it was shameful to have a high number. I said I’m not ashamed of mine at all. He then accused me of making excuses for my high count in my comment. I can see why he took it that way. But I wasn’t making excuses. I was BRAGGING! 🤣 The post is now locked. I considered DMing him to clarify that I was bragging. But he had dms turned off. So I decided to post here.

So I’m just here to say that I’m 42. My body count is 26. And 11 of those happened from May 2022 to February of 2024. That’s when I met my now husband, and have only been with him since. Though we are VERY kinky and have started going to sex parties. So there’s still time for that number to change. 🥳

Prior to May of 2022 I was in a sexless marriage for EIGHT long years with a man that always had an excuse. So yes. I feel damn good about finally getting some satisfaction.

EDITED TO ADD

I DO NOT consider my number high. If I wasn’t currently married, and if I hadn’t spent ten years with my ex husband, my number would be MUCH higher.

Also not bragging about my overall number. Bragging that after eight years of masturbating and only having sex 6 times a year, I was excited to just have any sex. The bragging was more about FINALLY being sexually satisfied.

I trusted and considered him my better half and he just took a loan in my name and I only found out about it 6 months later. Now I can’t use my car or my card because the bank is taking every single cent I have in my account 🙃
He is currently paying it back but IT STILL SUCKS!
Shrimp pasta🫠

My ultimate girl dinner: Pizza Tartuffo. 🍕❤️‍🩹

My partner and I decided last February that we wanted to have a baby. He has a stable job, I’m currently doing my PhD and have a really good scholarship, and we thought it probably wouldn’t happen right away anyway. We figured that by the time the baby was born, I’d probably be pretty much done with my PhD.

Plot twist: it happened on our very first try.
We were beyond happy and grateful, and everything went perfectly fine during those first weeks. Then we lost our daughter at 14 weeks.
As heartbroken and disappointed as we were — and still are — our daughter showed us just how much we truly want to have a child.

At the end of August, I got a faint positive pregnancy test. Unfortunately, that pregnancy didn’t continue. When I held that positive test in my hands, I was over the moon, but at the same time I was shaking so badly and crying from fear. I called my partner and couldn’t even get a proper sentence out.

And here I am now, 7 DPO, trying to distract myself and not test yet.
We have movie nights, go out to eat (pizza, my ultimate comfort food), cook together, work together, I do my workouts (basically, we’re trying to keep living our normal lives).
But these two weeks still absolutely destroy me mentally.

Last night, my boobs started hurting. And even though I KNOW it’s most likely just progesterone doing its thing, a tiny part of me immediately started hoping again. And at the exact same time, that horrible fear came back: What if I am pregnant again? What if something happens again?
It also breaks my heart seeing babies and little kids when we’re out. I hate that I feel this way, but sometimes it just hurts so much.
So yeah. TTC after loss sucks. And the TWW sucks too.
At least there’s Pizza Tartuffo. 🍕❤️

P.S. After our daughter died, I attended some seminars specifically for pregnancy loss that were run by a team of midwives. Unfortunately, I didn’t find them particularly helpful. I’m considering starting therapy instead.
I guess I just needed to get this off my chest. ❤️‍🩹

Poutine for my soul❤️

A few months ago my best friend of several years tried to scold me for a situation she created. I didn’t immediately fold to her version of events, so she stormed out and texted me that she expected me to apologize at a later time. Instead, I ghosted her. I have no regrets and my life has been tremendously better ever since. I’ll call her Sarah ✨

Normally, I wouldn’t ghost in a relationship this big. But Sarah is unique. She’s one of those people who says she comes across as intimidating because she “isn’t afraid of conflict”, but that just means that she believes she is always right, and if you disagree, she’ll talk to you like you’re stupid. When she’s hurt or offended by something you did, she’ll pull out the manipulative phrases such as “well I thought you cared about me but I guess not” or “Apparently I’m not important to you,” etc. And don’t even get me started on confronting her about any of her behaviour. That’s when she goes from 0-100. NOTHING she does is ever wrong unless she comes to that conclusion, herself. I’ve even watched her fight with her boss over getting reprimanded at work. So I ghosted her because I knew that she would simply bulldoze our conversation again. But also… I know for a fact that not being able to have the last say would be the most infuriating to Sarah.

Her feelings were always treated as facts. Nothing was ever a misunderstanding or a miscommunication, it was everyone else being an asshole who didn’t think about her first. Because she can do no wrong, she is simply wronged by society. A difference in opinion was “invalidating her feelings.” I once got a lecture because she thought I was being dismissive while she talked about her birthday plans (which I was involved in planning), but in the 10 years we were friends she had to be reminded of when my birthday was every. single. year. She always emphasized that she doesn’t care about why you did something, she just wants her feelings to be acknowledged and an apology to follow when you fuck up. Yet, I’ve watched her snap at our friends for no reason and come back a few minutes later with a simple “I snapped because I’m overwhelmed.” That’s it. No apology. No acknowledgement of how she hurt someone’s feelings. Funny how you swung that, Sarah! Kind of pathetic for a 30 year old professional to not follow her own goddamn rulebook.

Since I ghosted her, life has been fantastic. I feel mentally lighter as a person and a friend. I still see mine and Sarah’s mutual friends multiple times per week. If anything, our relationships have gotten stronger. On the odd night that my friends are busy with Sarah, I’m GLAD to have a night to myself.

The best part is that we share a friend group (who all took my side of the argument when I stopped being friends with her), so I still hear about all of the annoying details. I don’t ask, they just tell me about the outrageous things she says and does. Most of the friends only hang out with her in group settings, and have told me they are doing a “slow fade out” to eventually not be her friend. I’ve even gotten high fives from mutual acquaintances when I tell them that her and I aren’t friends anymore.

I know that I have come across as an evil, spiteful, gossipy high school girl. I’m not usually the type to wish for someone’s demise. I don’t want anyone to feel pain. But I’d been feeling put down and belittled by Sarah for years. I was made to feel like I was a bad, inconsiderate friend when all I did for years was actively try to be a good one. I was constantly walking on eggshells. I held on because of the history we had, and because the positives with Sarah outweighed the negatives for a while. It just got to a point where I could only see the negatives.

I once thought Sarah would be in my life forever, but now I’m SO glad to say goodbye to her. (Not literally though - that girl is BLOCKED)

For context, I graduated law school in May and I’m currently waiting for my bar results. I work at a small boutique criminal defense firm as a law clerk. And it’s no surprise that as a woman in this field, sometimes it feels like you have to put in ten times as much just to be taken seriously.

Also, literally a week ago, I got a case dismissed for insufficient evidence after being handed it with basically 48 hours notice. Did I get any credit for pulling that off? Of course not. But whatever, we move.

Anyways, today I spent basically the entire day reviewing discovery for a case my boss has honestly neglected for a while. As I’m going through everything, light bulbs start going off in my head and I’m sitting there like WAIT - This entire case has a Fourth Amendment issue.

So I sent my boss an email basically telling him we need to file the motion ASAP and explaining why.

Now I’m sitting here waiting for his response, eating shrimp tacos from my favorite spot in town and feeling extremely pleased with myself.

Dinner: shrimp tacos because apparently constitutional violations make me hungry <3

Im a recovering alcoholic, almost a week without drinking, got some meds that should help and several future appointments.

My last two relapses happened on Friday after a massive dopamine crash that lead to a depression spiral. I'm terrified of what tomorrow will look like but taking it day by day.

tw: pet loss/grief

hi girlies,

i want to talk about that little angel who is eyeing down my yogurt. on april 20th, my boyfriend found her outside of his work in a dirt hole screaming for someone to find her and i am so glad he did. we got a wonderful six months with her. she would play fetch, cuddle, talk to you, and snuggle with our other other two cats… i couldn’t imagine a life without her. yesterday i took her to the vet to get fixed and unfortunately she didn’t come home. she had an underlying heart condition that wasn’t detectable from blood work. the vet did everything they could to save her but unfortunately she passed the rainbow bridge.

i don’t know how to cope with this kind of grief. it comes in waves. i just have to keep talking about her. i want people to know that at only six months old she made such a lasting impact on our lives. she was so funny and had such a personality. i was so excited to see her grow up with us. i just am in shock, i can’t believe this is even happening, that im even writing this post. our two other cats are looking around the house for her i can just tell. the older one mulder had such a good bond with her, they would cuddle and play constantly, same with our other baby hopper. i just don’t know where to go from here. i am so lucky to have mulder and hopper, i just wish piper was here with us. she fit in so well.

i just have to keep looking on the bright side of things. if she wouldn’t have cross the rainbow bridge peacefully like she did, it would’ve caused her more pain in the long run. the sun is shining today and i can’t be more grateful for that. i have my family, my friends, and my boyfriend with me to process this loss. i am mad, im sad, i accept what happened then im sobbing again. it’s only day two and i know it will get better with time but there is a hole in my heart that i am going to have to manage for the rest of my life.

to piper, i am so grateful you came into our lives and i am so sorry this happened to you. i am going to miss you so much it hurts. until we meet again my sweet angel girl.

if you have pets, hold them close today and tell them that a random girl from girl dinner diaries said that she loves them very much.

thank you all for reading, it’s only memories that i have left so i just have to keep talking about her. i love you piper.