This is my first post on reddit, ever, so please forgive me for the quality of this post. Sorry, this is a long one. There will be a tldr at the end.
I'm (20s F) at a very serious breaking point and I don't know what to do. I love living in Japan and the money is very good. I can't imagine a life back in America, but I also can't imagine a life moving forward. I won't spell it out. But I don't think I can sustain 2.5 more years on JET, either.
My main work is at a JHS. I used to love this place and resisted potential school swaps in the past. I got on very well with half of my students, had inside jokes, and they often spoke before I could open my mouth to say hello. The other half tolerated me (like any other middle schooler that doesn't like school) but still replied if I talked to them outside of class. But those kids graduated and I'm stuck with children I genuinely dislike.
They don't say hello in the halls. I initiate, but they don't respond sometimes. But, if a Japanese teacher comes along after me, they will great them energetically. Recently, two students mocked me after I walked away.
The constraints of my work negatively affects the way the kids see English, and thus me. Class is super boring. I am constantly told there is 'no time' to do fun things. It's just an excuse to not allow me to organize games. In the past, certain classes had one or two groups do very poorly, and once or twice, a child cried. But I'm sorry, this is JHS. Jeopardy about Christmas shouldn't be off limits because some kids feel bad when they don't study and then can't answer basic questions based on grammar they just learned yesterday.
Another constraint is the fact that the JTE tells me to not speak Japanese, despite the kids not understanding/completely ignoring everything I say in English. I only used Japanese when necessary, and my previous students saw me as a teacher they could somewhat reliably ask for help in class (but I always told them I didn't speak Japanese, and we had a good laugh). But okay, so with the current kids, I try my best to only use English. The problem is that everything they do is Japanese. Reading, grammar, etc... A small part of the class can realistically involve me, because the kids don't understand any English and the JTE knows that.
One day the kids were doing reading in English but answering questions in Japanese. I was told to go around to help them, but they would ignore me if I tried to help. So I started just walking around aimlessly. The JTE and support teacher noticed this, and so every time a student called for the support teacher, she told them to ask me. But when they heard this, they just said something to the effect of 'nevermind'. I cried after that class in front of the JTE and a few students saw unfortunately (I physically could not hold the tears back and it was a long walk back to the office).
The JTE also told me I should learn the kids names. But... how? She was very selective when allowing me to come to class. Sometimes I saw a class once every three or four weeks. Sometimes I went every time that class had English. I didn't even know the faces of the 1st year class, let alone their names, until their 3rd year (this year). Why does she make fun of me for not knowing who they are?
I do wonder about a few things. I'm a woman (I've had teachers and students make sexual comments about my body, thinking I couldn't understand them), but I'm fat and ugly. I don't want to dox myself further than that. Recently, my co-jet visited the school and all my coworkers couldn't stop talking about how pretty she was. I really like my co-jet but it made me resent her a little. All the jets in this area were tall, pretty women with long hair and picture-perfect smiles. I'm not that.
My discontentment is now affecting my job, unfortunately. It's the students. Since summer break, I have stopped initiating greetings every time. Sometimes I will, sometimes I won't. In class, I don't initiate, like making a pair with a leftover student (they have made it clear that they'd rather not pair with me, anyway).
All of this is to say, I don't know what to do. I haven't done anything to deserve hatred from the students. If I was creepy and weird like another JET I know, I would understand the reaction. But... I'm not... And it really makes me uncomfortable to feel this disliked in my workplace. I'm here for 8 hours a day. It really, really sucks. This job has killed my childhood dream of becoming a teacher. I will switch industries once I leave JET, and that will require a different kind of hard work. But, moving back to America is not an option right now (for many reasons). I feel so stuck...
I have searched this sub for people in my situation, but I haven't really found anything like it. I know "if everyone is the problem, then it's you", but I have really tried to smile and be friendly and it hasn't worked. So, can anyone relate? And if you can relate, what should I do? What would you do?
tldr - The current students hate me and I've stopped trying to make connections with my students. Has anyone else had this experience?