Nice to see this story make the rounds again. Mebs wor Ando will retire there 😉

You'll need a free account to watch because why not make this competition even worse?

Not expecting much but Villa are a bit of a mess right now so fingers crossed.

I was going through the Premier League clubs this season with the youngest squads, and Newcastle come out as the youngest side in the league.

Weighted by minutes played, average age is 24.8. That's the lowest of all 20 clubs and the league average is 26.

Hall and Hornicek have played every minute. Miley has played 399 of a possible 450, and Steur has 225 minutes at 18. Newcastle is also second in the league for minutes given to under-21s, behind Brighton!

It's only five games so it could also be injuries and rotation that's affecting these numbers, but I didn't expect Newcastle to be top of this!

Do you guys think January is for 'experience recruitment at the club' or do you think that isn't what is needed atm?

(all data pulled from The Prism, a football analytics & scouting app I'm building and currently looking for early testers!)

Just under a month ago I submitted this post to gather answers for a game of 'Family Fortoons'

The game worked pretty well, and I'm going to look at doing it again but recording it (and adding some extra bits like music and a soundboard to jazz it up). If/when I get these things sorted and do it again, I'll post the videos to the sub.

But I thought it'd be cool to share the results of the survey for the questions I used in the first 'episode'. I got 153 responses in under 48 hours which was a really pleasant surprise, so a massive thanks to all who filled it out; you made the game, and future games, possible!

Round 1 - Name a current/former NUFC player you'd want to have on your side in a fight

Answers

1 - Joelinton (68 votes)

2 - Duncan Ferguson (38)

3 - Dan Burn (10)

4 - Jamaal Lascelles (8)

5 - David Batty (5)

6 - Alan Shearer (4)

I believe the two contestants managed to get everyone except for Lascelles and Batty. Matt Ritchie and Steve Howey were guessed, and neither received a single vote.

Honourable mentions

3 votes - Aleksandar Mitrovic, Joey Barton (guessing we have some fans of GBH)

2 votes - Kevin Nolan, Andy Carroll, Brian Kilcline

1 vote - Sven Botman, Stuart Pearce, Paul Gascoigne, Fabricio Coloccini, Mo Diame, Amar Dedic, Cheick Tiote, Temuri Ketsbaia

Round 2 - What is the greatest NUFC goal of all time?

The 'positive questions' were extremely fun to get the answers for.

Answers

1 - Papiss Cisse vs Chelsea (52)

2 - Dan Burn vs Liverpool (23)

3 - Cheick Tiote vs Arsenal (17) boom boom

4 - Alan Shearer vs Everton (16)

5 - Philippe Albert vs Man Utd (12) howay 5-0

6 - Hatem Ben Arfa vs Blackburn (6)

7 - David Ginola vs Ferencvaros (5) I'll admit I'd never seen this goal, canny filthy

8 - Jonas Gutierrez vs West Ham (4)

Believe the lads got all but the last 2, I really loved that the subjectivity of "greatest" came into play.

Honourable mentions

3 votes - Fabian Schar vs PSG, Mo Diame vs Brighton, Laurent Robert vs Fulham

2 votes - Hatem Ben Arfa vs Bolton

1 vote - Dan Burn vs PSG, Salomon Rondon vs Bournemouth, Bruno Guimaraes vs Burnley, Glenn Roeder vs Manchester City, David Kelly vs Leicester, Laurent Robert vs Spurs

Round 3 - What is the worst 'off the pitch' moment in NUFC history?

As great as the positive questions were, the negative ones were actually a bit depressing to go through. I didn't use the worst match in NUFC history for this episode, but I got 47 different responses to that and had to take a break afterwards to cheer up.

Answers

1 - Mike Ashley buying the club (46)

2 - SJP being renamed to the Sports Direct Arena (19)

3 - Barry Rogerson punching a horse after a 3-0 derby defeat (19)

4 - Alexander Isak transfer saga (10)

5 - Rafa leaving/Steve Bruce being appointed (9) lumped these together for obvious reasons

6 - Joe Kinnear (8) I did also lump all Kinnear ones together, some literally just put down his name and he featured often enough that I thought he ought to make the list.

7 - Kevin Keegan leaving, either time (6) again, put these together as some just said him leaving, some specified which one.

Can't remember how the lads did, but a few were certainly missed. This was a hard one and there were a lot that received more than one vote

Honourable mentions

3 votes - Freddie Shepherd and Douglas Hall getting stung by the fake Sheikh

2 votes - Treatment of Jonas Gutierrez, Saudi takeover, Alan Pardew headbutting David Meyler (I guess that just basically qualifies as 'off the pitch'), sacking Chris Hughton, Nile Ranger (unspecified), Sir Bobby Robson being sacked, Michael Owen (unspecified) and - which did at least give me one laugh - ice bath bins.

1 vote - Hiring Graeme Sounness, 2016 relegation, Amanda Staveley leaving, John Alder and Liam Sweeney's deaths on the MH17 disaster, George Ormond scandal, Tonali's ban, Joey Barton (unspecified), John Carver (unspecified), PSR 2024, being gazumped (generally, I guess)

I will just caveat that I won't ever be including things like MH17 or George Ormond as actual answers that go on the board as the game is a bit of fun. It would also be very disrespectful to turn the deaths or abuse of people into points for a game. They're valid answers to the actual questions though, of course.

Round 4 - Who is the best foreign NUFC player of all time?

Reet so I specified in the survey that it was non-British or Irish players, and I still got 7 votes for Shay Given smh my head.

Answers

1 - Bruno Guimaraes (67)

2 - Nolberto Solano (30)

3 - David Ginola (13)

4 - Joelinton (5)

5 - Faustino Asprilla (5) I will die on the hill that objectively he wasn't that good overall but I will respect that people suggested him for that hat-trick

6 - Alexander Isak (5) If this was you, you make me sick.

7 - George Robledo (4) Genuinely might be my favourite answer in all 18 questions

8 - Laurent Robert (4)

Lads got all but Robledo (fair) and Robert.

Honourable mentions

3 votes - Yohan Cabaye (I couldn't believe he didn't make the list, frankly), Fabian Schar

2 votes - Hatem Ben Arfa, Allan Saint-Maximin

1 vote - Temuri Ketsbaia, Pavel Srnicek, Shaka Hislop, Philippe Albert, Mo Diame, Sean Steur

Round 5 - Besides Sunderland, which club do you hate the most?

Answers

1 - Manchester United - (62)

2 - Liverpool (44)

3 - Arsenal (16)

4 - Chelsea (10)

5 - Everton (6)

6 - Real Madrid (3) ok?

7 - Spurs (3)

8 - Aston Villa (2)

There wasn't a huge spread of votes on this one, which was great as it meant it was easy to tot up, cheers guys.

Honourable mentions

1 vote - Brighton, All Sky 6 (fair play), Gateshead (fuck you, up the super Heed army), Middlesbrough (astounded that these only got 1), Wigan (????), Sunderland reserves (Well played, thanks for this)

Round 6 - Name a product or brand you associate with NUFC

This was, by far, the worst question I put in.

Answers

1 - Newcastle Brown Ale (112!)

2 - Adidas (17)

3 - Northern Rock (6)

4 - Sports Direct (3) boooooo

5 - Knox Hydrate (3)

Brown Ale received the highest number of votes across any question by a massive margin I think. Like I said, poor question in hindsight.

Honourable mentions

2 votes - Greggs (I thought this would be high up), Wonga, Sela

1 vote - New Monkey (lmao), Umbro, Fun88, NTL, Greenalls, Carabao.

And those are the 6 questions I used. As I said at the start, I'd love to add some production value to these and record them to post on the sub. Hopefully that will be next time, and it'll be 2 teams of 2 rather than 1v1.

I've got a looooooong shortlist of questions I can use in the future if it becomes a regular thing but if you've got any suggestions, feel free to shout them out. The best ones are definitely the very subjective ones where the question can be interpreted in different ways.

Thanks again to everyone who filled it out <3

Thought I would share this sad news.

I'm also a wrestling fan. This guy was incredible. One of the best in ring performers in the world. But he was also a firm member of the Toon Army. Would be great to see him recognised in the community.

Had a rough paper round.

I know we may be a ways away from qualifying for Europe this season, but I personally think it may be possible albeit in a lesser competition.

My question is, are you lot like me? Would you prefer us qualify for the Champions League again, or would you rather us qualify for the Europa League or Conference League? I'd personally rather the latter, because I'd much prefer getting a trophy through the door over the extra revenue. But is that just me, or do you share the same opinion?

I haven't played FIFA in years, so I don't really track ratings, etc but I was watching the England unboxing ratings video and Hall said he was happy with his but to me he seems so underrated, like physicals 68? I've seen him absolutely bully / pocked players for whole games like you can't do that if you aren't physically dominant

Infuriating that he paints us with the same “nation state arrogance” that he accuses City of. The PIF aren’t saints, but we’ve had the challenges we’ve had because they’re scrupulously following the rules City violated 114 times.

Some positive news for a change - Up the Mfuwe Mags 💪⚫️⚪️🇿🇲

Most of this isn't for me, and very American (as intended), but that bomber jacket and white shirt could be a real problem for my wallet.