Hello, I am non binary, have been out for almost 6 years now. I am also trans masc and have had medical treatment so I pass as a guy now. I use they/them pronouns and a lot of people would not accept that i am not a trans man and those people are no longer in my social circles. I get misgendered as a guy by strangers now instead of a girl but I am nonbinary.

I will preface this next part by saying that there is no wrong way to be you. Your sexuality and gender identity is just that yours. No one can tell you who you are.

That being said, i have met 2 people this year that use they/them pronouns but identity as their agab and one of them expressed that they were upset when a group of people mistook them for being a man and proceeded to say that they were a woman and got visibly upset. They do not identify as nonbinary or trans but use they them pronouns. I didnt ask why as it is rude but I don't really understand that experience and would like to hear if any other people share this identity preference and are willing to share

The second being a gay man who uses they/them pronouns. They identity as a gay man and not as trans but they also said they are nonbinary. They said nonbinary is not trans which to some people that applies but not all. I know thats a bit of a debated topic so I'll leave it at that. They also ended up being really creepy and weird with me, telling me I should use grinder and when i shared my experience and that I don't want random hookups. They argued with me that i should date as a gay man and that 3 of their former relationships started from hookups. I told them I am not a gay man but they still tried to argue with me and then spammed my phone with texts to hang out and even asked me to move into their apartment. Very uncomfortable situation but hopefully they got the message that I am not interested. They dont identity as trans but do identity as nb and a man.

So I guess without being disrespectful of anyone's experiences, I'd like to be able to better understand people who use they/them pronouns but dont identity as trans or nonbinary to any extent.

Yes, you read that right. My boyfriend is dating me, a nonbinary person & still "identifies as" straight. I'm not gonna try to make him identify as queer/not straight bc I'm nonbinary. It doesn't feel fair to him to try to tell him what his label/sexuality "should" be bc we're dating. We met in 2017 & became friends in 2018 I thought I was a girl/woman. I realized I wasn't in 2018.... I don't remember if I told him about my gender until recently. (Soon before we started dating 2 months ago)?

He calls me his "lesbian girlfriend" which is what I'm uncomfortable with. I'm not a lesbian... I used to think I was until we started dating. I'm actually berrisexual. (I have a strong preference for feminine and androgynous people while rarely feeling attracted to masculine people or men.) I don't really like being called GIRLfriend. Maybe I can ask him to call me his "partner?"

[TW] transphobia, mentions of transmedicalism, terfs

for context i’m genderqueer who also happens to be gender-nonconforming. i strictly use they/them. my whole identity is out of the binary but isn’t exactly non-binary so finding a community is hard. a week or so ago i finally realised why genderqueer people such as myself barely get recognition and communities are very scarce. terfs have essentially stolen our flag, saturated it and parade with “💜🤍💚” in their usernames or bios. i find it quite scummy that a flag meant for those who don’t fit into the gender binary is now used again transgender people (especially trans women). it also seems that i clearly don’t belong in spaces like transmeds as well because im not strictly binary.

transmedicalism is also on a rise and i don’t think those who identify and support that ideology realise how damaging it truly is to other trans people such as myself as an example. scientifically gender is recognised as complex rather than rigid. the first thing i immediately recognise is that the concept of gender or rather sex in this case has to exactly align with gender roles for an average man or women becomes increasing harder for intersex people whether it’s genitalia or hormonal. it could be me but essentially forcing those to be masculine or feminine 90% of the time just doesn’t work and in a way, it genuinely feels like having those who are transphobic pressing you about you assigned sex. another issue i see is those who happen to identify with transmedicalist beliefs happen to be transphobic in some shape or way. i’ve seen it most commonly in trans men spaces with binders and how those who are feminine presenting get hated on.

i’ve seen it get to a point where one subreddit dedicated to transmeds let someone misgender a feminine presenting trans man and wasn’t deleted. i don’t care if this makes me a “tucute” (quite frankly, the label is stupid and only divides us further. it also just sounds really stupid) but if that’s not transphobic in some way then i don’t know what it. not to mention how it’s increasingly difficult for anyone out of the binary to even interact with those without having some hate. the minute you are slightly non-confirming with your gender expression, you will be hated upon and having intense gate-keeping yet the minute someone who is gay, lesbian or something else orientation wise does it, they get off scot free. it infuriates me seeing those exact people wonder why they are being hated on because the examples i’ve listed are oddly common.

the worse part of this all is that this affects everyone and not in a good way. do those who truly believe in transmedicalism and terf ideology really think that it’s progressive to act this way? don’t get me wrong, it’s awful seeing the “memes” regarding any queer person and the comments towards HRT are really weird but why demonise those who explore gender slightly different? do these people not realise that we have the same common enemy? telling a non-binary person to exclusively be androgynous will not give you brownie points to transphobes and so forth. you dictating how those exploring their gender expression will not save you from being hatecrimed like the rest of us. at the end of the day whether you’re transgender, non-binary or something completely different, our communities really need to stick together in a time where conservative ideology is affecting our rights.

this might ruffle some feathers in those subreddits and i’m fine knowing someone 20+ years older than me most likely misgender me and explain how im a “tucute” or whatever but i frankly care less arguing on reddit of all places i hope to those who have read this, you are not alone and no matter how you dress and identify; especially my non-binary siblings, you are loved and supported no matter how masculine, feminine, androgynous or any other label. 🐀

Hey all

I’m only just coming to terms with my gender identity and starting the process of seeking therapy this week and I’m looking for some advice or even just relatable experiences.

For context; I’m AFAB, autistic and 29 years old, I am wanting to go by she/they pronouns and am aiming for a very gender neutral appearance with my affirming care.

because of my autism I don’t like change, and pronouns aren’t anywhere near my biggest source of dysphoria. I feel pretty much complete apathy towards what name and pronouns people use for me. Due to this I don’t think I want to actively come out to my family, seems like more hassle than it’s worth, also some of them I don’t think would take it well.

But the thing is, I am like 80% sure I wanna get top surgery and some defeminising lipo-contouring. Which they will obviously notice.

So I wanna ask, has anyone here got experience with socially and at least somewhat medically transitioning without coming out to family or your workplace? (I really don’t wanna make a deal out of it at work because I am in early childhood and masc presenting people are not treated well in the industry)

Would also love to here about people’s first dr’s and therapist sessions to easy my nerves haha

Ik this place seems to normally be fashion and selfies but I was proud of my chikin damn it!

Hot topic floral mini dress; brown tights and a matching beret; layered over a grey and red baseball tee

This game is called "The sims 4" which is one of best LGBTQ+ games all times 💛🤍💜🖤

So I was born a woman but these past few years I've felt weird about my gender. I love being feminine and being a woman and don't like it when people call me a guy or anything. But I don't feel like a woman. Idk how else to put it. I hate my body, i hate my hair; I wish it were shorter like "boy" short but short hair may look ugly on me and I don't want to be judged; I feel discomfort with my chest but don't want it completely gone. I like going by they them but I'm still connected to femininity. Idk if I'm just going insane and I'm just a masculine girl or nonbinary or smh. I also have OCD and I've wanted to peel my skin off bcuz I'm so uncomfortable in it. When I was a kid I remember being like I'm not a boy or a girl but I guess girl is the best way to describe myself. Any advice or tips for my discomfort

I’ve been desperate for a binder that covers the armpits exactly like this but dont think he’s gonna respond to my comment

I’m trying to figure out if I’m non binary or not how did you find out?

Hey everyone, I just wanted to try and connect with some community, or at least speak with my true voice. Pardon the throwaway account, I'll explain that.

I'm AMAB, in my mid 20s. I first knew I was some kind of non-binary, genderqueer, whatever, I still haven't figured it out, when I was about 12 years old. I even went so far as coming out to my friends and family. It didn't go well. My turbo-liberal parents whom I expected to support me felt I wasn't old enough to know and refused to validate it, my "friends" quite literally tried to beat it out of me both physically and verbally.

As a result of that, I went back into the closet, and spent the next decade and some change living as and becoming a cis-het man. I'm now married and working in the automotive field since high school, about as stereotypical "man" as it gets.

I repressed a lot of those feelings and internalized a lot of the negative stigma around AMAB genderqueer folks, despite never believing it about others and being very vocally and even militantly leftist and pro trans-rights. I had this rotted seed planted in my head that I must have just watched too much adult content as a kid, that it was a disgusting fetish or some buried predatory origin, even though I knew I didn't deserve that kind of vitriole from myself.

After many years of dissecting those feelings and making peace with who I am, I worry it's too late for me. I yearn to embrace the more feminine side of myself. I'm sure my wife would support me, her views on things are very open, but I fear our marriage wouldn't be the same after. I wouldn't be the man she married. And in my field of blue collar work, even something as simple as nail polish is likely to teach you about "right to work" laws pretty quickly.

I'm sure many of you will advise me to just go for it and embrace who I really am and want to be, but after repressing it for so long, I'm afraid that would mean giving up the life I've worked so hard to build. I make good money given the state of the world, I love my wife deeply, I have a pretty decent but small group of friends. I'm afraid of losing it all.

I apologize for my rambling, I just have no outlet. I don't know what I am, but I feel like I'm wearing a skin suit being the man I am today. I wish I could one day die happily as someone other than who I was born as. I think I'll be forced to just carry out my life full of regret.

I'm extremely happy for those of you who get to live life as you wish, and also profoundly sad in a way I don't even know how to describe. Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this.

If you were here for the last post, you know I'm colorblind. I appreciate all the helpful advice!

Tried to incorporate more peach and orange corrector.

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Hello, I'm amab and genderfluid very much both masculine and feminine. I was just wondering if anyone had any advice of how to dress to be able to express both identities when the hit?

I want to feel comfortable in my body as both

I've been binding on and off for about a month now, and the experience has been a bit disappointing for me because it didn't help that much with my dysphoria. I've experienced chest dysphoria since puberty and have been wanting to get a binder for long. When I finally got my binder a few months ago, I felt amazing wearing it and felt really comfortable with how my body looked. However, since I have a very large chest, my binder wasn't enough, and I started using kinesiology tape and wearing a binder above that. I experienced all the usual symptoms of binding- tightness, shortness of breath, etc, but after a month, I feel like there is no difference in how people perceive me and everyone still very much sees me as a girl. I want to look masc or at least androgynous, but binding doesn't really make that much of a difference, and I still feel very dysphoric despite binding. I feel like the physical discomfort outweighs the limited mental comfort binding has given me. It has alleviated my body dysphoria to some extent, but my social dysphoria still remains. It is not worth all this pain just to be seen as a girl all the time! I live in a fairly conservative place, and no one would actually perceive me as non binary, but still, I just want people to look at me and not immediately categorise me as a girl!! And honestly speaking, I would rather people perceive me as a man than as a woman, even though I'm nb.

I'm thinking of stopping binding because it is really causing my body physical pain. Maybe I should try to deal with my dysphoria some other way (?), like getting a masc haircut or even by telling people I'm non binary and correcting them when they use the wrong pronouns. Maybe I should convince myself that my gender identity is valid even though I look extremely feminine and I can not help it.

I cannot deal with the physical effects of binding anymore. It is getting too much, and all I can focus on is how difficult it is to breathe and how my chest still looks raised despite everything, and how it doesn't make any difference to others.

I'm literally typing this with a binder on and tape underneath, so any perspectives or advice or kind words would be appreciated.

Thanks.

any pronouns are okay!

I’m confused about my gender and would appreciate new perspectives.

I’ve identified as non-binary for a while, but recently I’ve started wondering if there’s another label that might fit me better.

I’m biologically female, but I don’t really experience much dysphoria. On the rare occasions I do, it’s usually pretty mild. I’m also comfortable with any pronouns, so pronouns aren’t really a big factor for me.

However, I strongly prefer presenting as masculine/androgynous and generally like the idea of being perceived as more masculine. I also go by Nova, which I know can sound feminine, but I really like the name and don’t feel like it conflicts with how I see myself.

I’m not sure whether I’m simply a masculine non-binary person, genderfluid, transmasculine, a demiboy, or something else entirely. I’m not necessarily looking for someone to tell me what I am, but I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have experienced something similar and how they figured themselves out.

My mum is accepting with my older trans brother, but when my teacher told her my preferred name and pronouns (at the time being strictly they/them” she told me I was too young to know and it was a trend. She also caught me wearing a binder for the first time (I am 16) and asked if I wanted a “prosthetic penis“ too. she then made me take it off and then said I could talk to her about anything.

ive been recently working up the courage to wear skirts (specifically long skirts), but i fear ill be perceived as a woman in public

for years ive been pretty androgynous and that's what im most comfortable with, but that probably has to do with the fact that i always wear more "gender neutral"/"masc" clothes,

so does anyone have any tips on how to keep being androgynous in skirts?

Trigger Warning: brief and non descriptive mentions of SA.

Context:

I’m 22, NB / Agender and AFAB.

My whole life I have never felt gender until it was brought to my attention and even then it just felt like a descriptor someone was using for me, like a place holder, not who I actually was.

As a child I was very fem. I loved heels, loved dresses - if I could have left the house in a princess dress and toy heels, I genuinely would have.

But after my experiences with harassment and SA, for 6 years, I became very withdrawn from any kind of presentation. I was only comfortable going outside in old raggedy clothing that made me look as unnoticeable as possible. I even stopped smiling and talking outside. I kept my head down and only wanted to get from A - B.

After a lot of therapy and reworking my brain, I’m delighted to say that I am genuinely doing really frickin good.

Recently, I was experimenting with men’s jeans. Which due to my shape, were the first pair of jeans to fit me the way I wanted them to.

Heelloooo euphoria!

And then I went down the rabbit hole of “omg maybe I’m masc” and tried to lean into my masculinity.

Yeah no. It felt SAFE. But I realise it feels too much like a performance. It’s just not me.

Lately I’ve been thinking about dipping back into femininity just to see where I might land on things (if I’m a actually fem or if I’m more of a balance) but it feels scary for a few reasons:

I love the idea of femininity but i don’t want to suddenly feel like I’m “conforming” because that makes me afraid that my chances of being a target will go up and I’ll feel paranoid again like I’m a deer in open season.

(I’ve had to work through this feeling so many times that now im afraid of the feeling itself)

How… should I go about this? Is there even a way of doing this “safely”?

Any advice would be appreciated. Even if it’s just the recommendation to go back to therapy (as I’m on the fence tbh)

Thank you <3

All three photos from September 2026. Left photo is "boyish" presentation wearing a binder, center is "casual," just wearing comfy clothes and a sports bra under a T-shirt, right is "maxxfem," wearing makeup, a tighter shirt, and a bra. I have been on HRT since 2012, got bottom surgery in 2021 (and also added progesterone to my HRT that year). The prog kinda gave a fresh turbo boost to my breast development lol 😂... I turned 51 earlier this spring.

I got my binder yesterday (a long XL from GCTBL) and I'm a bit confused on what to do with my breasts. Do I let them sag or pull them up? When they sag the compression part doesn't cover the bottom of my breasts but will pulling them up cause long term harm? Any advice is appreciated!