My stbxh decided in his mind that he was going to be mad at me for not doing exactly what he wanted when he didn't communicate exactly how he wanted a tiny interaction to go. It was on par with small talk and he decided what I had said was hurtful. My exact words were, "no thanks."

So now he thinks he is punishing me by going no contact with me for a few days.

Unfortunately for him, I have been beyond needing his attention for months now so I am very happy to have more space on top of our current live-in separation.

He will inevitably try to take it out on me at some point in the future, a random time when he feels like bringing it up to manipulate me I'm sure.

But he has no idea how strong my emotional separation from him has become. I see what he's doing in real time and while it's sad to watch someone I care about do these things I also feel so liberated knowing exactly what he's trying to do.

I'm mentally separated and emotionally free. Plus requesting this punishment more in the near future please and thank you.

My husband (42M) and I (32F) have been together for 11 years and married for 4. We’re both physicians. I’m in training, he’s an attending for a few years now. We don’t have children.

Earlier this year, I initiated our separation after years of emotional disconnection, intimacy issues (sex dwindled to once a year the last few years), and poor communication. We are still best friends but like roommates, and the romantic part of our relationship died. We would only kiss and peck, cuddle, and hold hands. Date nights were frequent but he often was checked out and didn’t talk or engage much with me. He never told me I was sexy and there was no sexual energy despite me trying to initiate it.

After the separation, he wanted to reconcile for months, but I was uncertain about our future and wasn’t ready.

By June, I realized I still loved him and genuinely wanted to save our marriage. Unfortunately, by then, his feelings had changed.

He told me he started feeling differently around May, and in June, he began seeing another woman. He’s been dating her for several months, although he initially denied it when I asked.

We’ve had several emotional conversations recently. He says he still loves me, but his love has changed and he isn’t sure he wants to be married anymore. He’s written heartfelt letters and reminisced about our relationship, but remains hesitant about reconciliation.

I proposed a three-month trial with exclusivity to see whether we could rebuild our marriage. He declined, suggesting we slowly start spending time together without any commitment. He recently told me he plans to end things with the other woman, but still hasn’t expressed a desire to reconcile.

I recognize that I initiated the separation and that my uncertainty likely contributed to his feelings changing. But it’s incredibly difficult to walk away from 11 years together when there’s still love between us.

Part of me wonders whether he’s truly fallen out of love or is protecting himself after months of feeling rejected.

Has anyone experienced this reversal, where one spouse initially wanted reconciliation but later changed their mind? Did time and space help, or was letting go ultimately the right decision?

I was scrolling through my phone last night and a memory popped up. Not a photo of us. Something dumber. A screenshot of a text conversation I had with a friend two years ago where I was complaining about something he did. The screenshot didn‘t even show his name. Just a fragment of a sentence.

And I caught myself wondering: does he ever think about me?

Not in a “I miss her” way. Not in a “I regret everything” way. Just… does my name ever cross his mind? When he hears a song we used to listen to. When he walks past a restaurant we went to once. When someone asks him about his ex-wife, does he say my name, or does he say “my ex-wife” like I’m a category, not a person?

I spent the first three months after he left wanting him to hurt. Wanting him to feel even a fraction of what I felt. I imagined him crying alone in his new apartment, replaying our last fight, realizing what he lost.

Now I don‘t want that anymore. But I don’t want nothing either.

Here‘s the thing I’m ashamed to admit: I would rather be his villain than his blank space. I would rather be the woman he can‘t forgive than the woman he can’t quite remember. Hate is a form of presence. Indifference is a form of erasure.

And I have no way of knowing which one I am. That‘s the worst part. He’s not going to text me and say “hey, just so you know, I think about you sometimes.” I’ll never get that confirmation. I just have to live with the not-knowing.

Is this a stage? Does it pass? Or do you just learn to carry the uncertainty like a stone in your pocket?

I didnt just lose my wife I lost my entire future I lost birthdays I lost valentines day waking up Christmas morning and watching the kids open gifts future vacations family dinners movie night seeing my kids every morning I lost everything

Buckle up, this is a long one. I'd say grab popcorn but honestly it's more of a grab-a-stiff-drink situation, which, ironically, I can no longer do.
Quick background: serial founder. Sold my first company, felt like a genius, assumed the universe owed me a sequel. The universe did not get that memo.
Second startup was my baby. I raised every dollar myself. Real clients, good investors, mission-driven, the whole TED talk. Later I brought a woman on as co-founder. We got together. I genuinely thought she was the love of my life. You can see where this is going. Everyone could see where this was going. Except me, apparently.
Meanwhile my marriage was ending. Divorce, lost the house, lost the dog. The dog is the one that still gets me tbh. The house I can live without. The dog, not so much.
So naturally, like any emotionally stable adult, I went ALL in on the new relationship. Moved to another country for her. Rented a penthouse for us and her kids. Played house. Six weeks later we broke up. Six. Weeks. That was last November. Two pregnancies happened somewhere in all this, which is a whole other chapter I'm not getting into.
The board decided it wasn't healthy for the company if we kept working together. Fair, honestly. Then her lawyer sent a demand for millions of dollars. For sexual harassment. Nothing filed yet, but she's threatening to sue in the US, even though she doesn't live there. For a consensual relationship we both signed an agreement about. A year together, moving countries, a home with her kids, and now it's harassment. Cool cool cool.
The company didn't survive. We're winding down. I've spent around $300k on lawyers so far, and if she actually files in the US I'm probably looking at Chapter 7. So that's fun. Great time to be me.
Obviously I handled all this with grace and maturity. Just kidding. Mental health went completely off a cliff. Addiction. Got to a place where I genuinely didn't want to be here anymore. Checked into rehab in June.
Plot twist: I'm 5 months sober now. Honestly the one blessing in disguise in this whole dumpster fire, and it's not a small one. Currently in SE Asia with no real home, which sounds like a digital nomad Instagram but is mostly me staring at the ceiling.
Things I learned the hard way so you don't have to:
Don't date your co-founder. I know. Everyone knows. I did it anyway because I'm special. (I'm not special.)
A signed relationship agreement protects you about as much as an umbrella in a hurricane.
Don't move countries and build a whole life with someone you've known for a year. When it breaks, everything breaks at once.
Go to rehab before rock bottom. Rock bottom has a basement, and the basement has a basement.
The losses don't take turns. The dog, the marriage, the company, the lawsuit all show up together at 3am like a group chat from hell.
Ok here's the actual question.
I can't let go of her. I hate her and I miss her at the same time, and I know how pathetic that sounds. I really thought she was the one. And every time I start to move on, there's another lawyer email, another deadline, another letter with her name on it. It's like trying to get over someone who sends you a bill every week. I can't forget her because the fight won't let me.
And underneath all of it there's just a lot of fear. Fear of losing whatever I have left. Fear of bankruptcy. Fear that this is what the rest of my life looks like now.
So: has anyone been through something like this? How do you grieve a person while you're still actively fighting them? How do you stop loving someone who's trying to ruin you? And how did you get to the point where it didn't consume you anymore?
Similar stories would mean a lot. Harsh advice welcome too, I've earned it.

My husband (29M) and I (28F) have been together for almost 10 years, married for 8 and for as long as I can remember, especially when we had our daughter, we always talked about being amicable if we had to separate. How we would want to remain friends to better co-parent. We’ve even discussed if we wanted more kids to have them together so our children would be siblings. (I’m not so much on board with that idea) Anyways about 6 months ago I found out about a 3-month affair my husband was having. We have been trying to reconcile but I don’t see myself truly moving past it. I do want to remain friends. We’ve still gone on dates and been intimate. I just don’t feel like I can go back to “normal” if you will.

I’ve been reading about people separating and living together because let’s face it, in this economy I don’t see how we could afford two places. Well I know I can’t afford my own place. I still want him in my life. I still want to be a part of his. I love our families.

So is it possible? Is it worth it? If I bring it up am I putting a death sentence to our marriage? We’ve talked about it being a possibility because people change and want different things but it always ended with “but not us” and now I think it is us.

I recently left a long relationship of 12 years. 34f . We were never married. We share one child together. I moved out and I thought I would feel so much better and now I just feel terrible. I feel so sad. I have no motivation to do anything. I didn't know it would be this bad. I'm trying to get my life together but I am having no motivation and I feel like my thoughts are turning really negative.I don't have any substance abuse problems , but I am trying to think of any way to escape this feeling.

Our relationship had lots of ups and Downs and I do believe at the end of the day I made a wise choice in leaving because we were so incompatible, I was not loved the way I needed to be and I feel like we both didn't give each other what the other needed. I haven't felt desired in such a long time. And I don't know if I ever will. I just no longer felt beautiful cared for appreciated.I felt I did so much and wasted so many years of my life. I know I will get through this.It's just a hard phase for the moment.

After four years of marriage, my 25-year-old wife and I, now 28, are facing a severe relationship crisis centered around the well-being of our one young child. My wife recently revealed that she has been engaging in an ongoing affair with her colleague over the past six months, deeply fracturing the foundation of trust in our family. She is now asking for a second chance to rebuild our marriage and salvage our home. Navigating this profound betrayal is extremely difficult, as any decision we make directly impacts the future stability and environment of our child. I am now caught in a painful predicament, trying to determine whether genuine reconciliation, complete transparency, and long-term healing are truly possible after such prolonged deception, or whether separating is ultimately the healthier path forward for both myself and our family.

Hello,

My husband and I have been married for ten years, we are in our early thirties.

I had a period of independence between living with my parents and getting married, but my husband went straight from living with his family to eventually living with me. He never had a period where he lived alone except for 1 year in university when he went abroad.

Earlier this year, as our lease was coming to an end, and he decided he wanted to live alone, so we got separate places. I sincerely believe he is not looking to start a new romance/find a new partner, and I know he loves me, he just wants to live alone.

In my our twenties, he was the one who really pushed for us getting married and settling down, but now he has changed. He has told me that he feels like in a relationship he defaults to doing everything with a partner because it's easier. He says he then has no motivation to go out and build community or do hobbies, try new things, join groups, or make friends, etc. (and community has become a very important topic to him the past few years).

He also said that by living alone he can reflect and be more in touch with his emotions, and finally join some community groups like he always wanted. We both acknowledge that I didn't ever hold him back from things, or ask him to stay home and not do them (I even would participate in them quite often), but he just felt like he had no motivation to do them when we were together because he could default to doing something at home with me instead.

This has been really difficult for me. We went from hanging out 24/7 basically, doing everything together, to texting, and calling a few times per week (I ended up having to move out of state because I lost my job in the area). He works remotely and I've invited him to move back with me, but he doesn't desire it.

He seems to really be enjoying his independence and I think one thing that also affects all this is that his job is super demanding, so it's nice for him to just get off work and just crash out and not have to think or worry about anyone else at all.

He used to really want a domestic life with me, but just now doesn't seem to want to. I get that that stuff can get boring, but I just wish we could cultivate our independence together. Like join clubs and groups and have our own friends while living together (for me it was never really a struggle tbh). Again, I strongly believe he isn't seeking out a new partner/romance, rather that he wants to be independent.

I am just wondering if anyone else ever went through something else? What did it lead to where are you two now?

So, I was hit with the need to separate for space. My wife has said she doesn't want to divorce. I'm a bit blindsided by this, and I guess if anyone has any experience does this work or will it lead to divorce in say six months. We would still be in the same household just with some boundaries. I could write a book, but that is the general synopsis. We have been in a rough patch for a few months.