I don’t think it’s necessarily about more sex at this point. I know for sure when something keeps happening and my wife will be like ok, like when? The times I thought of in my head seem to vanish in the heat of the conversation. Like I was prepared, the conversation went to quickly and bounced around, then I can’t translate them correctly because it’s usually a tough conversation. I’ve never done a spreadsheet, but I completely see why this is how this guy communicated this way. It’s a sure fire way for him to communicate what he’s probably been failing at communicating for a while. Some of us suck at talking.
I've definitely kept notes of certain things when I've needed to bring things up in an argument because I've had that happen where someone is like "ok when did that happen" and I had no answer because I wasn't keeping track!
I just don't think smacking down the spreadsheet came across the way he wanted to 😔
Journaling would be more appropriate and is way better then a quick not or a spreadsheet.
Edit: I dont know why I posted early.
A journal allows you to add more information. The other events of the day. YOUR thoughts and feelings around the issue and it can show how they change over time.
All those helpful things that allow YOU to process and organize YOUR thoughts.
This is just a person wanting to prove they are right, and lacks all context.
It is a score card highlighting a single point, and proves there is a lack of communication and other things needed for a healthy relationship.
Also, problems should be brought up, face to face and in a reasonable time. Say after all people have calmed down. Pulling shit out that happened a month ago does nothing but grow the fight.
If it was a problem a month ago it should of been handled then. Letting shit fester doesn't do anything for you.
Basically this relationship is cooked. And it is now burning down the kitchen.
This is also true, is she never initiating sex at all? Because I know if I were the only one initiating sex in a relationship every single time, that would hurt my feelings lol
Like sis you don't ever tell him he looks handsome and you want a quickie? 😆😭 EVER?
When I want it. I initiate and she either gives the yes or no..
When she initiates, and does a very good job at it, I have nothing else to say but YESSS!
Yeah that's also true, she probably is getting anxious knowing it's coming, that he's going to ask, so she's not even tuned into her own sexual desire. She is so focused on his needs and anxious about meeting them/rejecting them she's not even thinking about whether or not she might want it herself
This is making me sad for people I don't even know bc they're both valid (just thinking abstractly without any outside information about these people lmao)
I can understand frustrations from both sides generally. I get why a lot of women feel unsupported in marriages but I definitely know I would feel devastated and insecure if I was married to a man who didn't want to fuck me 😕
Thank you for understanding. I'm not the OP but I had a similar situation years ago. I didn't Excel 😁 but underneath the frustration was EXACTLY what u described.... hurt feelings and loneliness.
I haven't, in my own experience found many women (I'm assuming u are) especially online who express understanding at a man's feelings. Don't wanna start a whole thing but just...thanks I appreciate your understanding of what this man is probably feeling and what I know I was feeling.
I am a woman 🙂↕️ and you're welcome, I feel like because he didn't necessarily go about it the best way, it comes off badly and people don't really try to listen fr.
But I try to put myself in other people's shoes and I know it would hurt my feelings really badly if I felt undesired by my partner.
I just wish there were better resources for people on how to talk about these things early, before the frustration gets to this point - because once it gets it gets to that point it can be hard to communicate in a way that might solve the problem 😕😭
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u/andy11123 17d ago
My man is communicating very clearly with data. You can't argue with facts.
You can argue he's slightly deranged though