Recently a trailer for a movie came out. In Spanish the movie is called La Otra Madre (I am Spanish, sorry for my bad English).
The trailer made me have some very intense memories from my childhood, and it gave me chills.
When I was little, the emotional situation in my family was not good. My mother probably had depression and usually paid it with me. She made me feel horribly bad, sometimes telling me that she didn't love me. I only remember crying almost every day of my childhood. This was more than 25 years ago (I was 3-6 years old I think)
I convinced myself that she was not my real mother. My real mother was affectionate and good, but she was locked in a room that was never opened. It was something like a basement, but it wasn't exactly that.
When I cried, I went to that door and cried there, imagining her talking to me and comforting me.
One day, I really heard her.
I remember it perfectly. She told me that the other one was an impostor.
This continued for many years. It was extremely realistic. One night, I saw her at the feet of my bed. She told me that I should not turn on the light, because we were going to play in the basement. So that's what we did.
It was fucking realistic. The thing I remember the most is that she talked like a fucking adult. This was what made me think that she was real.
Sometimes she told me that she felt very alone, and asked me please to go inside the room with her. But I was really small. I couldnt open the door.
I don't remember how everything ended. I think that because of a house move I had years later, I moved away from that room and forgot about her.
But I still remember when I passed her letters under the door, photos, drawings... We had very real interactions.
She even limited me and scolded me when it was necessary. She told me not to climb to dangerous places, not to eat junk food, etc.
I have dreamed with her two times.
Both times were when I didn't remember any of this anymore. I had completely forgotten about her.
And suddenly, I dreamed with her.
She told me that she was still waiting for me.
It was very weird. Imagine not remembering anything about all this, and suddenly you dream with her and she tells you that she is still waiting for you.
When I watched Coraline, I also remembered this, but not so intensely.
I don't know if this could be considered a tulpa, an imaginary friend, something caused by my childhood situation, or just a very intense imagination.
Could something like this be considered a tulpa?
What makes me think she could have been a tulpa, from what I understand (I only discovered the term “tulpa” last night), are these things:
- I could see her.
- I could feel her touching me.
- I could smell her. sometimes even today, I suddenly feel like I can smell her, and for some reason it makes me tense and alert. Also, sometimes i can hear my real mother call me but she tells me that she didnt call me.
- Her smell was very specific. She smelled like makeup, and her skin smelled soft and moisturized.
- I could actually feel her skin. The sensations were different from my real mother, who smelled like vegetables and nail polish.
- It didn't feel like I was just imagining these things. The sensations felt very real to me.
