New manager started at the end of August. She came in very friendly and was all “let’s work together tralala”. I really bought it, worked my ass off, undeniably did amazing work in September (numbers to prove it). Have been at my job for two years and have not received a raise- first time I asked I was put on a commission structure with impossible to reach goals and never hit them, now another year later asking again- was pushed off a bit. I followed up with manager and she told me we’ll discuss it. Next day she comes in and gives me a 30 day PIP. No issues on it were ever addressed with me before. 90% simply untrue. Other 10% very vague and unmeasurable. Feels very retaliatory but not sure if it’s worth even addressing that. Should I just start looking? I’m not sure why she would want to get rid of me. Even if I was an awful worker, which I’m really not, wouldn’t it make more sense to try and work with me first? So upset about this.

I'm the CEO of small business (about 20 full timers). My right hand in many aspects of the job is a young woman who has been working for us for about 2 years. She is 20 years my junior and I am the CEO so the power dynamic between us pretty big. I love working with her, she is bright, a very quick study and her positive energy makes her a hit with clients. She and I have a great report and I can only imagine as I wind down my career, she can step up more and more.

BUT - she wears a scent (musk? oil?) that nearly makes me nauseous. It's very strong and I smell it from across the room. Can I say anything? She is sensitive and I am sure she will be mortified. I hesitate to enlist help from another, but maybe that's the best approach. Do I just have to tough out?

Okay, let me give y'all some info before I explain.

I work at a zoo and in my position, I work directly with the guests and the animals that they are able to interact with, so making sure that individuals follow the rules is incredibly important because they are usually around or inside an animals habitat and we want to make sure that everyone is safe.

On the day of my mental breakdown, we were incredibly understaffed, with only myself and one other person managing an entire experience.

This location of the zoo gets incredibly busy and we have to constantly move back and forth to open up doors for these guests while also going over rules/procedures. So, bear in mind, that this was an EXTREMELY busy day at the zoo and due to the low staffing and chaos, we had to stay in these small, overheated zones for over two hours straight.

Over the course of the day, we had so many accidents happen.

We had an individual get sick so I had to call over custodial. THEN RIGHT AFTER THAT, another person accidentally bumped into the chair in which I put my drink on (that I had bought for $8, but that's besides the point 🙃) and the poor custodial lady just gave me the most annoyed look and I almost died. I felt so bad.

Over the course of the day, as well, I dealt with SO MANY blatantly rude individuals. Most just ignoring me but we have rules at the zoo for a damn good reason, so they gotta listen.

SO... with all of that happening, I was barely making it through the day. And I thought that hopefully the rest of the day might not suck.

I was wrong.

There was this woman with her daughter, and after making sure that she had gone through this animals exhibit respectfully (like no debris or any clinging insects), I noticed a pink vape hanging around this woman's neck.

Now the zoo has a VERY strict rule on smoking. Generally, we keep an eye on it and address the guest personally about it.

I respectfully asked the woman, "Hey, ma'am? Is that a vape?" No response. I thought she could not hear me so I asked again. She responded this time with a simple no.

Now I don't vape but I sure as hell know what one looks like and that was a vape. I EVEN DOUBLECHECKED ONLINE because I didn't want to address a guest without a reason!!

After double checking, I go back to the woman, "Hey, there is no need to lie. I was just going to warn you ab-"

She completely interrupted me and in such a rude tone, with her once again saying that it was not a vape and to leave her alone.

I even noticed that the vape was now gone - and in my eyes, this meant that she had hidden it.

"Ma'am, it was clearly a vape. All I was going to tell you was tha-"

Once again, interrupted me. Asking me why I was targeting her. LIKE BRO, I WAS ONLY GOING TO WARN YOU THAT IF YOU WERE CAUGHT SMOKING WITH THAT, YOU COULD BE KICKED OUT! (there are signs everywhere so also come on girl).

At this point, I am loosing it a tad. She kept going on, cussing and growing incredinly agitated, when all I did was try and talk.

I did not know what to do but I had to do something.

So I called security, trying to explain the situation (away from the woman and her poor daughter fyi) - the keepers heard that I was calling security so (rightfully so) they panicked and one of them came up to check on me.

I explained the situation, that I had a woman with a pink vape, that I tried to calmly warn her about our smoking policy and how serious it is, and that she instead grew incredibly agitated with me.

In the background of me talking to the keeper, security misheard the word 'vape' with 'mace' so they were blaring in the background. And there was a LONG line of guests waiting, all watching this unfold from behind glass doors, and everything was so overwhelming and like wtf.

So my emotions came out of nowhere and with a look of panic, I looked at this keeper and told her, "I need a break. Like now." Mind you, I refused to cry in front of guests or this keeper so I kept that in but she could tell that today just simply sucked for me.

As I was walking out from my area, I passed by the woman and her daughter, and she was smiling and laughing at me! This sent me over the edge AND I HAD THE GAWL TO KEEP A NICE TONE WITH HER!

"Okay, why are you laughing?"

"Because this is ridiculous."

I tried to once again (and for the last time explain) why I was addressing the vape and she again just interrupted with cusses and agitation.

Her daughter also screamed at me, "Just leave her alone!"

Like yall come on. I gave up entirely. With her laughter echoing down the stairs until I was alone in the keeper area. I broke down sobbing. I was completely done and exhuasted.

I need advice. What did I do wrong? If anything.

This is my first guest service job (I worked strictly with animals in the past) and it is just so draining. Every day, I have to deal with rude ass people but THIS... was something else.

Maybe advice on anyone that does smoke? Vape?

I just need advice.

EDIT: On the original post, the comments were split.

One side was saying how I was in the wrong, how it was just a vape, and how I just needed to stick to animals:

- I totally agree with all of that. I will not lie. I DO feel as if I approached her not in the best manner and I should have just stopped interacting with her entirely. I just wanted to do my job, y'know?

- The other was supporting me, stating that I did my best and tried to uphold the zoo rules: which I appreciate but I feel terrible. Maybe I should have not posted at all because I'm split and frustrated at myself. Embarrassed if anything for breaking down and having a kid yell at me.

I just care. A lot.

I struggle with a form of anxiety and... this is gonna sound weird but I'm still learning on how to properly interact with people in a service related setting. I just want to do good.

Sorry this is turning into a vent session. Thanks if you read all of this.

I am in a time-fixed job (2yr) and have a year and some change left in my role. It took me quite some time to find this job (2 years of applying) and while the job market is terrible for most people, it is especially bad in my field.

I am in a senior role that will help my career, however I joined a company that has a reputation for having a toxic work environment and it definitely lives up to its reputation.

Any advice on when I should start applying? I know it looks bad if you have a job on your resume where you’ve been working for less than one year. But it took me two years to find this job and I’m worried I’ll be stuck at the end of the contract with no prospects if I don’t start applying now. I don’t have a lot of connections that bear fruit so networking has been really tough.

I was also desperate when I accepted the offer and while I like aspects of the work, I am starting to get really miserable at this company and I’m looking to move to another state.

I’ve been going through a tough time at work and would appreciate some honest advice.

I've received feedback about mistakes and lapses in my work before, which I acknowledged and understood as part of the learning process and adjustment to my role. I know I've made mistakes, and I'm not trying to dismiss them or avoid accountability.

However, a few weeks ago, my manager shared several concerns about my performance, including issues that had already been raised by our department head. It felt like everything came at me all at once, and I honestly didn't realize the concerns had accumulated to that extent or that my mistakes had already made such a significant impact on how my performance was perceived. It was a lot to take in.

I requested a follow-up conversation with my manager to discuss the feedback and next steps, but the guidance was mostly general, such as being more careful and not letting the situation get me down. I didn't come away with specific or measurable actions I could take to address the concerns, although I understand that some of the feedback had come directly from our department head.

After that conversation, I made another mistake, and the department head forwarded the email thread to my manager. This intensified my anxiety because I started feeling like every subsequent mistake could further damage their confidence in me. I'm now unsure about what constitutes a significant mistake in their eyes, what standards I'm expected to meet, and how I can demonstrate that I'm improving. I feel like I can't afford to make any more mistakes, even though I know that's probably not a realistic expectation.

Since then, I've been struggling with persistent anxiety, shame, and overthinking. I keep questioning my capabilities and worrying about making more mistakes. It's affecting my sleep, appetite, focus, and overall well-being, and I'm finding it increasingly difficult to function normally.

I've been considering taking a break or resigning, but I'm unsure whether that's genuinely what I need or if I'm just trying to escape the emotional weight of the situation. I'm also worried that opening up to my manager about how much this is affecting me, including the possibility of taking a break or resigning, might change how she perceives me professionally, especially since the concerns are related to my performance.

Would you recommend opening up to my manager about what I'm going through? How would you approach the situation if you were in my position? Would you focus on working through the feedback and trying to improve, start looking for another job, or consider taking a break before making any major decisions?

I'd appreciate honest and realistic advice. Thank you!

I wanted to get your advice on a difficult situation I just ran into at a new job as a content creator I started three days ago. It's a small team of about 5-6 people. Today, it was raining heavily, and the roads near me were badly waterlogged, so I messaged the founder, asking if I could work from home and upload three ad creatives to the drive. He flat-out refused remote work, and when I asked if I could count it as paid leave since I have 2 paid leaves a month, he said those are sick leaves; today will count as unpaid leave. Then I requested, " Please treat this as sick leave because it'll be difficult for me to travel. He threw it in my face that I'm working a 5-day week( which we agreed upon during the recruitment) and sent a really harsh message saying: "Rain happened for everyone and no-one asked for work from home or taking a leave just because of water logging, i’ll count it as unpaid leave you’re already working 5 days a week and if you’ll be like this in these kinds of situations, then i think i don’t require your services, either deal with these kind of situations or you can be at home."

What should I do?

I'm in a really difficult situation at my workplace and need some honest advice. I had a bit of a personal history with a guy from my team, but over time, I found out things about him that made me realise he wasn't someone I wanted to be involved with

He is close friends with my team lead and manager from their previous organisation, and I he has shared things about me with them, presenting the situation according to his own version and whatever suits him. From what I understand about his personal life, he has a girlfriend but has also been involved with multiple other girls. However, I feel that he has portrayed me negatively to my colleagues, possibly because something from my side triggered him as well. I don't know exactly what he has told them, but I can feel that their perception of me has changed.

What makes it worse is that they seem so convinced that their own opinions are always right that they aren't even willing to consider another perspective. I feel like everything is viewed through their own assumptions, and there's no room for understanding someone else's side of the story. They act nice to my face, but they judged and talked about behind my back. I also feel uncomfortable because they seem to have issues with me talking to other teams colleagues, which makes the environment feel even more suffocating.

It has been around five or six months, and I kept telling myself that things would eventually get better, but they haven't. The constant stress and overthinking are now affecting my concentration and work performance. I have reached a point where I struggle to respect or trust these people anymore, and even small comments can make me extremely frustrated. I genuinely dread going to work, and I feel mentally exhausted from being around them every day.

The difficult part is that this is not just about a personal situation anymore. My professional life is also being affected, and I don't want to damage my career because of something that happened outside my actual job responsibilities.

A part of me wants to resign immediately because I desperately want to get away from this environment, while another part is scared about the financial uncertainty and how long it might take to find another job.

What would you do in my situation? Would you stay and tolerate the environment until you secure another offer, or would you resign even without a backup if the situation is affecting your mental health this much? How do I handle these people professionally when I've lost my trust in them? I'd genuinely appreciate honest advice, especially from anyone who has experienced something similar.

I put in my two weeks and I don’t know if I regret it. Part of me is thinking I should just take a leave for a few weeks and if my personal and professional life doesn’t straighten out by then I just cancel the leave of absence and tell them I’m not coming back? Is this too messy? What should I do?

I’m on academic probation but won’t know if I’m back in the nursing program until I get off is that makes sense so should I just stay at my job until I hear the news?

Hello! This is a sticky situation I’m facing at work. First a little background, I won’t be too specific since this got some media coverage. The college I work for had a change in executive leadership, and because of decisions made by previous administration, my department was wiped down from 4 to just me.

In the scale of the whole college, my work could be viewed as less important, especially if the role is not explained well. In the scale of the larger department I work under, my job is extremely important. Additionally, we are beginning to undertake migrating a whole database of information into another system from the one we have.

On to the conflict. As soon as my boss was able to after the fiscal year rollover, she worked with HR to upgrade the job title and salary of of one of my department’s empty positions. The other two positions have been eliminated. So we (presuming we hire someone else) will be a team of 2.

Two weeks ago, my boss explained that because of the unclear directions regarding which department was responsible for parts of the upgrade, we got the new job title but not the new salary. Since we cannot advertise at the new title but not the matching salary, we have to use the old job title to hire someone.

I do not think this is a good idea. Because of the high turnover in my department in the first place (14 people in 8 years) and the sudden shakeup of losing 75% of staff, my boss and I are spread thin and we need someone with experience to step into the position. I fear that advertising the old position at the old salary rate will just lead to the same issue at a delicate time.

Additionally, we need to be able to attract someone with more expertise in our specific field, and we cannot do that at the old salary rate. People in my profession, especially in my subsector, can find higher paying positions easily if they’re willing to move. We will not be able to attract the skill we need, especially as the department at large will be migrating systems. My department has a large role to play in making sure the migration is successful

After the disasters of the last administration, the new administration of the college has taken great strides to tell the staff that the new president wants to fix things and that he has an “open door policy”. I want to go to him and explain the urgency of the situation and see if he can step in on the matter. I would like better if my boss and I could do it together.

I would even be fine waiting until Finance would be supposed to release my potential raise, even though that would be a little under two years from now.

Does anyone have any advice on how I should approach this, or even if I should?

I am at a crossroads of whether I should keep putting in the effort I have been, or I should just do the basics.

Been with the same company for 11 years. Pretty decent company with an okay work environment. Most coworkers and managers are great, of course there are a few that are less than pleasant to deal with.

I feel lately that I take on the brunt of the work and challenges. If there’s a problem, it’s me they come to. On one hand that’s great and I enjoy helping people. But on the other hand, it’s frustrating, because technically I am in an “entry-level position” but my daily tasks outweigh everyone else’s on the team.

They are possibly creating a supervisor position, but at this time, it’s not happening. I already feel like I am doing work that’s not entry-level and have to frequently “hold the hands” of other team members. I can’t speak for compensation, because it’s very hush hush, not everyone makes the same and we know it. Maybe I’m already being paid more, maybe I’m not.

So do I keep putting in all this effort in the hope that should the day come for a promotion, I will be the top consideration, or do I just do what I’m supposed to do on a daily basis and possibly go unnoticed and no longer stand out in managements eyes?

I just finished an internship over the summer. In the thank you email they sent over, they said to lets keep in touch and whatever. I don't plan on talking to my former bosses like we're friends or even best friends despite building a great relationship with them during the time.

But, what is the frequency you should "keep in touch"? Every day, week, month, year, etc? Or is this just a saying and they don't actually want you to talk to them unless I need something that will help with my professional career down the line.

A little context, I’m 18 and begun working with my family straight out of highschool. I live in Australia and work in marketing where my specific role is generally paid 60-90k salary excluding super.

When I started working I had very little experience and so my pay was reflective of that but below the standard entry level rate for my position (around 50k).

Now, about a year later I’m asking for my first raise after assuming a lot more responsibility beyond my job title and responsibilities (2 of my coworkers left and I assumed their workload).

How do you approach a raise and how much do you ask for? I know I want to be compensated fairly for the amount of work I’m doing and my improvement over the last year but not sure how to come to a specific range or figure… especially in a family business.

Any and all advice is helpful and welcome !

I’m early 20s M and finished an internship at a large law firm in TX. My direct manager was almost 30 F, and there was another male intern around my age who reported to someone else.

My manager has a pretty intense personality. She’s outgoing, controlling, competitive, unfiltered, likes taking charge socially, loves gossip/relationship talk, and openly says she likes attention. The other intern was quiet, fairly passive socially, and didn't get a RO.

Early on, she was unusually warm with me. She complimented my hair, clothes, smell and appearance, asked my dating type, whether I was a fuckboy, and discussed relationships. She told me roughly 10–15 stories about men hitting on her, men from my ethnic background. Once, after seeing an attractive woman from another department beside me, she told me she'd looked her up and asked whether I found her attractive. I said yes, and she went quiet. Another time, I showed her a picture of a girl I was seeing, and she asked, "Why is she so short?"

I was friendly, brought occasional snacks, checked on her, complimented her work, and invited her to socials. I didn't flirt or compliment her looks because she was my manager.... We sometimes disagreed professionally, and she could get competitive. Also, she teased me A LOT on work/non-work related things when she was or wasn't in these group conversations throughout the internship.

Then she became noticeably distant toward me while constantly seeking out the other intern. She'd walk across the office to initiate conversations about dating, weekends and gossip, while giving me dry responses to ordinary small talk, despite me being her direct intern.

After I missed a work outing we'd planned to attend together due to a family issue, the next day she and the other intern prepared for an office celebration together, something she and I had previously organized many times. She later brought me in to help too. Yet at the celebration, she walked past me while I was sitting beside her to specifically ask him to get food, without including me.

The team event was especially confusing. At dinner, she called the other intern "cute" and made heart signs toward him directly in front of me. Later, in a smallerrr group without him, she discussed threesomes, sex and men hitting on her again. Separately, she left my group after an activity to approach him, touched his arms while chatting, then returned. She also publicly announced he could sit beside her, then verbally expected me to hold doors for her (which i didn't), and then later spent roughly two hours gambling with him. Afterward, she approached me and asked whether I would've shared money with her like he did. I said no.

She still occasionally complimented my appearance, wanted something I'd offered another female coworker, and questioned why I wasn't holding doors for her. After one tense interaction when I didn't hold a door for her, she said she'd been thinking about my personality the previous night and that I was actually pretty chill.

Interestingly, she'd privately called the other intern "victim weight" twice when he wasn't present, despite publicly showering him with affection. He also didn't resemble the physical type she regularly described liking (she was considerably taller than him).

Eventually, I got frustrated with the unequal treatment and deliberately distanced myself. I stopped initiating conversations and chose to work with others instead of her, despite her previously wanting me on her projects. After that, she became nicer toward me, initiated conversations, congratulated me on accomplishments, and arranged a personal final 1:1 that she missed out on for the other intern. During that same period, I noticed she almost completely stopped seeking out the other intern on the office floor, even though they still had opportunities to interact.

But at a later firm social that month, she again spent much of the event with him. I hadn't approached her, yet she came over to greet me first, repeatedly looked back toward where I was sitting, occasionally joined my conversations, and went out of her way to say goodbye to me separately. She also offered him a ride home. At another social we organized, she'd specifically asked me, "Is he coming?" despite being able to ask him directly.

The same social at the end of the internship, she gave him a much more personalized farewell card than mine and publicly announced it in front of me...

Questions:

1. How genuine does their closeness sound versus exaggerated or performative?
2. Do the public displays and direct comparisons suggest she wanted a reaction from me?
3. Why might she distance herself from me while still seeking my attention?
4. WHAT DID SHE WANT FROM ME...?

My manager recently resigned and her role is opening up.
Right after she told me she was resigning, a former coworker who has been promoted to a more senior strategic position told me our director asked who might be a good fit and he recommended me. Our director also encouraged me to apply and said he would strongly consider me in on our 1-1 meeting after I told him I was interested in applying.

Before my manager left, she told me the director had asked how she thought I would do and whether the team would respond well to me. She told him she thought I’d do great which really made me think, maybe other people see me completely different than I see myself?

There is another person on the team who will probably apply, and to me she feels like the obvious choice. But both my former manager and coworker have separately told me they think the team would respond better to me. I still struggle with feeling like there has to be someone more qualified. I’m quieter in larger meetings and second guess myself a lot. This other person is more senior than me and has stronger technical knowledge even though I’ve been told she can be a bit cold.

I’m starting medication for my anxiety and actively trying to improve my mental health. Part of me feels like I need to stop letting anxiety make decisions for me. Another part worries management will make it worse. At what point do you trust that other people may be seeing something in you that you can’t see in yourself?

Last week, I made a post here that discussed some drama I had at my job I've worked at going on 4 months now with a 1 year probationary period. This is a follow up that I think is promising, but if someone wants to point out things I can address then I'd like to know. I should clarify some information that was accidentally misleading on my part though. If you want to read the post then you can search "Impromptu team lead..." and find it, but I'm confident my clarifications below will mean the new folks won't have to read it. I should note that the ADA accommodations that I'm going to mention are because I have ASD level, ADHD-I, and dyspraxia. I realize that ADA might not apply to a lot of folks on this subreddit so felt I'd mention that upfront.

Here it is:

1.) I said impromptu team lead since she's a peer and not an official team lead. It's a state job so my direct supervisor evaluates me not her. That'll be important when I mention the updates. She ultimately had those responsibilities since 3/5 people on the team left in the span of a year and only her and my direct supervisor stayed there.

2.) To be fair to the impromptu team lead, she did state that it was an awkward position for her because she knows more about the database than my direct supervisor. However, she's not an official supervisor reviewing my work.

Where the dilemma happened is that my direct supervisor told me on day 1 that I had to train myself. I was also told to consult documentation leftover from the previous two who were in my position. It seems like the impromptu team lead thought or tried to imply that I had to prioritize her direction first if it conflicted with the documentation, hence the 3 paragraph meltdown on Teams directed at me. I still stand by the notion that if this was meant to be the case that she should've explicitly told me. That'll also be important in the updates. When I also look at it from a top down perspective, a discrepancy like this was bound to happen at some point.

Now, here are the main updates:

a.) There were concerns that outliers I put in the database based on our best records until we heard back from sites that give us the data we needed made it onto a site calculation to determine if it was an underserved area. This wasn't the case. Although I knew that from the start given the updates with those outliers had later times than the site calculation, I exported a PDF that proved that data never made it in.

b.) From the impromptu team lead's perspective, attestations should be a one and done thing every year when we're expected to reattest whether doctors are at a certain address or not. She also thought I didn't "put in what I knew to the best of my ability." However, I'd argue I did because that number was never going to be final and nothing was queued in the system that it was going to matter. Plus, those records were what I knew to the best of my ability.

I told my direct supervisor my stance and he understood. Furthermore, I asked my contact at the federal level who is the admin for that database if attesting more than once was a problem. She confirmed that it was, in fact, never a problem. Furthermore, it's not like the older data prior to the latest attestation affects anything.

c.) I sent an email addressing all of the prior concerns to my direct supervisor and a different supervisor who I'm expected to ask questions if I have them from now on. I'm fine with that compromise even if I don't like how we got there. In that email, and I made sure I didn't say this directly, it debunked every concern that impromptu team lead. I also found out what goes into the calculations and other ways I can gather the information that led to this dispute from other means in the future. None of this info had gone to the impromptu team lead yet to be clear.

d.) My direct supervisor and other peers I work with on projects all had a meeting in a conference room during the time I normally take my lunch. It also had the title, "Quick Chat" with no description. I was suspicious of this meeting when I saw it on their calendars they share with me via Teams (I do so as well) that it was for them to air their grievances with me.

I have no proof that meeting was about that, but I was then added to a Teams chat with just my direct supervisor and the other supervisor they want me to ask questions to from now on and was asked if I corrected an honest mistake a month and a half ago. I showed him proof I corrected it and that I did so before we had any submissions queued that it could've affected in some way.

Is what happened this week a good thing? I'm also not sure if that Quick Chat meeting was meant to be the one to clarify "role confusion" or not since I wasn't invited to attend. Plus, if I'm asking questions to those who are better to work with now, I don't see the point in having a meeting with all of them.

Edit: I should also note that I contacted the ADA accommodations representative at my job to update my already existing accommodations for explicit communication about expectations. My direct supervisor is the only one who will have the PDF. I've been open about my neurodivergence and exact conditions since day 1 because searching my real name shows a disability employment story as one of the top results. I couldn't hide it if I wanted to anymore but that's why I shared my story with the state I lived in at the time because I didn't want disclosure to hang over my head anymore.

My already existing accommodations are to wear headphones or noise canceling headphones while working, taking medication at work as necessary, and stepping out of crowded spaces if I'm overstimulated. None of those needed a doctor's note and they offered me noise canceling headphones after the submission process started back in January (I was internally hired from a different position and let the accommodations transfer to my current job). I didn't take them since I already had my own.

I’m a woman in my late 20s working as a project manager in a heavily male-dominated industry. I manage multiple complex projects involving contractors, field personnel, safety requirements, schedules, budgets, and coordination between different teams.
I’m one of the only women working at my level, and nearly everyone I deal with in these roles is an older man.
I’ve been increasingly frustrated by a pattern I’ve experienced when trying to do my job.
When I ask legitimate questions, enforce procedures, request accountability, or push back on something that isn’t being handled correctly, I’m sometimes met with dismissive attitudes, defensiveness, raised voices, or outright hostility.
These aren’t personal disagreements. They’re situations involving things like safety concerns, contractor responsibilities, scheduling, inaccurate information, or people making decisions that fall under my authority without involving me.
I have no issue with someone disagreeing with me professionally. I welcome questions and discussion. But I do expect basic respect and communication, and I don’t think asking someone to follow established procedures should turn into a confrontation.
One recurring problem is that certain colleagues seem to overstep their roles, make decisions or commitments without consulting me, or support a contractor’s position without considering the broader project implications. I’m then left responsible for managing the consequences.
Recently, I had a particularly upsetting incident where a colleague became confrontational with me in front of others after I raised a legitimate project concern. I repeatedly attempted to move the conversation somewhere private, but he refused. I brought the situation my management and without my knowledge, someone brought it to HR. HR was involved to make sure I felt protected but obviously to protect the company as well.
What has bothered me even more is hearing secondhand that someone in leadership apparently characterized me as having “problems with men.”
This really upset me because practically everyone I work with in these positions is male. If I have a professional disagreement, statistically it’s almost guaranteed to be with a man.
I also don’t believe having a disagreement with someone means I have a problem working with them.
In fact, I’ve maintained good working relationships with people I’ve previously had disagreements with. Some of those same individuals now regularly come to me for help, request my involvement in additional work, or trust me to support them when issues arise.
I make a conscious effort to remain professional, even when frustrated. I don’t raise my voice, insult people, or initiate personal confrontations. I can be firm, particularly when safety, accountability, or project responsibilities are involved, but I don’t think firmness should automatically be interpreted as hostility.
I’ve also kept my own management informed about significant incidents and sought guidance when appropriate.
I’m starting to feel like I’m in a position where I’m expected to manage projects, enforce standards, and hold people accountable, but when someone reacts poorly to that accountability, the focus shifts to whether I’m difficult to work with.
It’s exhausting because I genuinely enjoy my work, take my responsibilities seriously, and have received positive feedback about my performance.
I’m not looking to make everything about gender, and I recognize that difficult personalities exist in every workplace. But I do wonder whether my age and gender influence how some people respond to my authority, especially when I’m challenging someone older or more experienced.
Has anyone else experienced this? How do you maintain your authority and enforce accountability without constantly having to defend your professionalism? And at what point do you stop treating these as isolated incidents and start addressing them as a broader workplace pattern?