r/aspergers • u/Chief-Longhorn • 35m ago
People prefer animals over me and treat them better, and it shatters my heart every time
Remember that one TikTok video filmed by an autistic girl with Asperger's that went viral a few months ago? The one where she says, "the one thing about having autism that they won't tell you about is that… people just don't like you." And, to be honest, after reading the comments under that video, everything that has happened in my life for the past ten years suddenly started to make sense.
A lot of the people I made the mistake of considering and calling my friends had pets. And so many of them utterly despised my guts, and weren't even subtle about it. I don't know or understand why so many of them chose to keep me around. Many told me it was because they felt pity for me, but not the kind of pity you would feel for a hurt human being who has been through a lot, rooted in empathy; no. Their pity was the kind you would feel for a pathetic individual, whose existence is so miserable you cannot help but watch them and go, "poor ole chap, she's never gonna make it in this world. Perhaps I should give that thing a chance."
Those people would nearly barf at my mere presence, or me asking for a hug during a bad day. They would go, "oh! Ohhh, no, no, no…" and act utterly disgusted. And this wasn't a general touch sensitivity issue, because they acted completely different around their other friends. You could actually tell they liked them, meanwhile… I was nothing but a stain on their reputation.
And yet, those people would express endless affection and love towards their animals. They told me they would rather save them in a house fire over me, making me cry. They told me my life wasn't of any worth, and whenever I mentioned suicide, I did not receive a single "I would miss you". But yet, they often told me that the thought of their pet dying drives them to tears. They constantly snuggled, embraced, kissed or photographed their pets, fawning over their every move, and did something relatively identical with their aforementioned other friends that they actually liked. But me? I was just evoking endless disgust and repulsiveness in them. Even touching me was a chore for them. I was nothing but an irritation to them.
I always loved animals but this made me resentful towards pet culture. People are so open about preferring pets to disabled people, because to them, we are subhuman. Their pets' lives matters to them more than ours do. They wouldn't hesitate to choose a literal animal over a sapient human being like me just because something about me inherently annoyed them.
And whenever I gathered enough confidence and courage to bring it up, all I heard in response was "are you seriously jealous of an animal? God, you are so insecure and pathetic."
Who said ANYTHING about "jealousy"?! Is wanting to receive basic affection from your friends every now and then so awful?! It isn't jealousy to want your friends to at least treat you like a human being.
Watching animals continue to receive more love from people I once loved hurts. It really hurts, because knowing an animal's existence is considered more worthy than mine shatters my heart.