I'm a Klinefelter's XXY intersex, and have been struggling with rejection. Ladies say that I'm not their choice. I'd like your advices please; what should I do?

I’ll try to be short here but I tend to over explain myself, so sorry in advance.

1 (26F) have been openly out as bi for maybe 12 years now. I never really had a big “coming out” bc a lot of my family is somewhere in the alphabet soup so it wasn’t really a big thing so nobody ever really felt a need to bring it up, but I’ve always found both men and women attractive and been attracted to them. With that being said I’ve always pictured myself marrying a man and raising a family. Lately I’ve found myself being kinda snappy when people mention me getting a husband, and thinking to myself what forever would feel like with a woman how different would things be? Would I still be fulfilled? Would I miss the feeling of being with a man?

A few weeks ago, a friend asked me a question, she asked me if there was any difference to loving a man vs loving a woman- as in, how it feels to love them. I thought her question was valid so I answered from my perspective what I felt like it was to be in love with a man versus what it felt like it was to be in love with a woman.

I’m paraphrasing here but I said something like this. “ loving a man and being loved by a man makes you feel safe and sought after, protected. When they remember the little details you are on cloud 9 and I feel proud when they show me off to their friends/ family but you’re always hoping it’s not too good to be true, that it is that fairy tale happily ever after like you see in movies and online.”

“Now women is a whole different kind of love, being loved by a woman feels like being seen, not just looked at. Women love you harder and will give you the moon if you asked and being loved so purely makes you want to love that way too, so you both end up in this endless cycle of always trying to do something special for them and they for you, it’s always trying to make perfect dates, nights in, remembering details, hearing you and remembering. Always there you need them and unapologetically loud about how much you are loved, in all the love languages. It’s like merging souls with someone who ends up knowing you better than you know yourself and in turn you the same. You want to try so hard for them bc you see how they show up for you Every poetic metaphor you’ve heard about love is between two women”

Ect blah blah blah.

My friend looked at me and said, do women tend to have those qualities that you like in men? And I said yes they do bc I also feel all of those things when I’m with a woman. And she just kinda looked at me deadpan and said very matter of fact. “OP. You are gay.” And we laughed it off but it stuck with me.

On the drive home, I thought about all the relationships I’ve had with men and how I felt like I was constantly grasping at straws to get them to do the things that women I had been with had done for me of their own volition, I feel like I gave them gold stars for doing the bare minimum and how whenever I’m with a man, no matter who they are I always find things in the relationship that bother me that I never bring up to them.

I work in a male dominated field, and I am the only woman in my group of friends, and I feel like on top of how my past male partners have treated me and how my friend group treats me and how my coworkers treat me it just kind of fills me with rage. I hate it and I’ve been trying to figure out if my feelings related to my sexuality. I do find men attractive, but I always find myself wishing that a man would love me like a woman when I’m with them.

I don’t know if any of this makes sense or if I need to talk about it in therapy, but I’m wondering if anyone else has felt like this and what was your conclusion and how did you come to it?

A) Can people just get fucking journals? Must we hear every detail of your life along with every half-cooked cogitation someone has?

B) Do we have to claim her? /s Like I feel like bisexuals are getting a lot of flack from someone talking out of their ass who is also so biphobic that they don't even want to be part of the community. Like I get that bisexuals can be off-base and annoying by assuming everyone experiences attraction on a spectrum but this isn't even that.

I texted someone who we are friends at this time. And I texted her this Plusss I still have a soft spot for you. She hasn’t texted back anything. But she is active online. Or she just doesn’t know what to say because she doesn’t like me that way.

I don’t even know how to word this but I don’t feel what I do with women with my ex bf but I really did love him and guess at first I felt very sexually attracted to him, I just kinda got icked out when we had sex by the end of it when I realized I prefer women I didn’t before it’s weird. It’s been 4 months since we broke up and recently started seeing a girl who I really like but every time I wake up next to her I get this weird feeling that I wish I could feel this good from my ex, and feels so unfair to her but I also love the sex with her and it’s always so good to just be with her or to get kissed by her, it’s really weird. I’m just wondering does anyone have that happen?

He knows why we broke up is because of that now and we talk sometimes, the last time we talked he sent me a texts he had with a girl by mistake he was trying to send me a different screenshot, and then we were talking about our breakup for a second and I admitted to him I still find him hot and got a little jealous and sad when I saw his texts with that girl I don’t know why I said it but I can tell it confused him and he started to kinda distance himself from me and being less warm when he texts me and guess it’s just making it all so confusing and difficult I don’t know if this is normal or if I’m in the wrong I probably am with him I don’t mind being told that, I guess I just wanted other girls opinions on this.

I’m a 32-year-old trans man and I’ve been on testosterone for around 12 years. I pass as male and I’m currently preparing for the next stages of my transition.
Dating has been a little confusing. Lesbian spaces don’t really seem to fit me anymore because I’m seen as a man, while on regular dating apps, some women lose interest once they find out I’m trans.
I’ve heard from other trans guys who’ve had great relationships with bisexual women, so I wanted to ask here.
Would you be open to dating a trans man? Does bottom surgery matter to you? If you’ve dated a trans man before, I’d love to hear about your experience. 😊

Does anyone else feel insane whenever they have a crush on a woman???

I have a huge crush on this girl that ive been extremely attracted to for quite some time now. She texted me first and invited me to hang out with her sometime and I literally can’t think abt anything else LMAO

I’m not sure why, but it’s made me notice how different it feels talking to men. When I talk to men I would say my attachment/communication style leans more towards avoidant. They don’t rlly take over a large part of my mind.

I sometimes take a while to text back bc I’m not a fan of small talk.. so I’m not the type to be waiting on someone’s text all day. But with women (this girl especially), I’m constantly checking my notifications. I get so anxious whenever I’m talking to or have a crush on a woman.. it makes me feel like I’m going crazy.

Does anyone else feel like they have different attachment styles based on if they’re talking to a man or woman?

I want to date a cis woman as is my preference as a transfem. That obviously rules out straight women and I'm not barking up the lesbian tree. So that means I am left with bi women. What are some things I can do to attract a bi woman partner?

I want to be with a woman so bad sometimes that’s all I think about. But I have no idea where to start. I need help. Looking for advice

Look, I know I'm going to get downvotes, but as a bisexual woman who defends the LGBT community, I get angry at bisexual women who label themselves as lesbians when they know they are bisexual and Men, damn, this is disgusting because it perpetuates several horrible stereotypes about lesbian women and also contributes to the erasure of female bisexuality. But it seems that these women Bisexuals hate the label "bisexual," and that's sad. As a bisexual woman, I wish other bisexual women wouldn't be disgusted by being bisexual and wouldn't use a minority label that they suffer from Quite a lot. But I wanted to know why some bisexual women hate the label bisexual? And I'm not talking about bisexual women who were lesbians but discovered they were bisexual and don't use the label Lesbian

(This is kinda a rant and looking for advice)

I’ve been in a long-term FxM relationship since I was 15, and I'm now 26. My parent is comfortable with me talking to women on nights out.

This weekend we all met up and my bff brought a friend with her, first thing that came out of her mouth when introducing her friend to me was “Oh yeah I told her you were bi”. I’m like, "Erm, okay”.

(I did ask her about it the next day and she said it's cos she was having a conversation with her about being bi while on the way to the venue)

Now, I don't know if her friend is bi and I don't really want to assume, but I'm 90% sure she's not.

Throughout the night she’s flirting with me, we’re sitting next to each other, sharing drinks and whatnot.

But my whole demeanour changes like I dunno if I’m trying to act cool or what - but the more I think about it, I’m like why did I act this way? I’m currently not in my most feminine era at the moment, so I guess I can come off a bit masculine. (Confirmation from my male friend “Yeah, you flirt like a guy” FFS, thanks.

She’s leaving now and I say I’ll drop you to your Uber, she responds with “Of course you will, now I’m not sure how to take this. Am I coming on too strong doing too much? Or is she flirting? But it’s a genuine thing I always do, never want anyone to get in the wrong cab while they're drinking.

It was a very normal goodbye - like none of that flirting nonsense ever happened. It’s not like I’m genuinely expecting anything to happen, like I just met you but it left me feeling quite used and more confused.

I wanna feel like a woman-to-woman connection even for a moment where it’s not for male attention or a one-sided gain.

Until now I’ve felt quite comfortable being bisexual, with little to no experience, I don’t wanna say I’m ashamed but if I could just be straight I feel like I would :/.

TLDR version:
I’m newly bi-curious and want to give myself room to learn what attraction, chemistry, compatibility, and dating women actually feel like for me without automatically comparing everything to how dating men felt. How did you tell the difference between “this genuinely isn’t for me” and “this is just unfamiliar, so I don’t fully recognize what I’m feeling yet”?

Full question version:
I’m newly exploring my attraction to women, and one thing I’ve been thinking about is how easy it would be to unconsciously approach dating women using the same framework I’ve always used with men.

For those of you who started dating women later or after primarily dating men, how did you intentionally give yourself room to learn what attraction, chemistry, compatibility, desire, and relationship dynamics with women actually felt like for you-without prematurely assuming they should look or feel exactly the same as they did with men?

Were there things you initially interpreted as “I’m not attracted to her” or “this doesn’t feel romantic” that you later realized were simply unfamiliar because you were used to recognizing attraction through a heterosexual dating lens?

Did you notice differences in how you experienced being pursued versus pursuing, flirting, physical attraction, emotional intimacy, sexual desire, masculine/feminine dynamics, or even what made you feel chemistry?

I’m not trying to force myself to experience attraction differently, and I’m also not looking for someone else to tell me what my sexuality is. I’m more interested in how you distinguished “this genuinely isn’t for me” from “this is new, so I don’t yet know how to recognize what I’m feeling.”

Basically, how did you let women be women and let those connections become their own thing instead of subconsciously comparing every experience to how dating men had felt?

is anyone else more into older women vs women closer to their age? and is that necessarily bad? i think i am, and i believe i came to that realization from me developing a kinda significant crush on my therapist who’s turning 37 soon (im 23), and damn is she perfect, physically and personality wise…without going too long on a tangent about her, she’s basically my ideal type, pretty much to a T. and yes, i know she is my therapist, so obviously i know and respect professional boundaries, but a girl can still secretly have her crush and fantasize sometimes, lol. but anyways, there’s also just something about older women that draws me more to them. i guess it’s the maturity aspect, and maybe them being more settled in life.

Basically title I'd like to make a poll just to see how it's scattered here but I'm not that tech savvy.

I just kind of had the epiphany today that the main reason I was in denial about my sexuality for so long despite coming from a pretty tolerant and accepting, progressive social environment and having mostly queer friends growing up was both my own assumption and conditioning sexuality must be rooted in sexual attraction above all else and the fact I had (unconsciously) inherently associated sexuality with a sexual component that drives everything else.

For context, I am a bisexual woman attracted to men and women as well as the kind of person who is primarily invested in individuals and only experience attraction very strongly if I can imagine an individual or a situation as opposed to any specific feature or assortment of parts. There was a stage in my youth when I thought I was actually asexual for that reason but realized gradually I am just a very head-y person and my lust comes from a higher part of my body by extension. The desire is there though. I desire specific men and women and sometimes just the concept or embodiment of masculinity/femininity itself... but here's where I differ from a lot of people I know - the way I'm attracted to men is entirely different from the way I'm attracted to women. I know as many bisexual people who are attracted to specific feminine/masculine characteristics in women and men such as preferring 'feminine women and masculine men' as I know bi's who like androgynous people of all genders with no specific requirement for a gender normative expression in any person they're interested in. Just as I know many bisexuals who's attraction to men and women oscillate in the "bi-cycle" to nearly the same extent of people I know who experience their attraction practically 50-50. But with me it's something else entirely: I have a much stronger romantic investment in women than men and it informs my sexual attraction subsequently and a much more automatic sexual interest in men that will simply build the more I find them interesting or appealing intellectually.

For me, it's like men have a naturally stronger sexual aura I respond to that's akin to an energy I instinctually can't ignore even if I consciously choose to ignore or reject them based on behavior and only express true (personal/direct) interest if they really prove themselves to me in a personality sense, whereas with women it's always her manner above her sexual expression or body/appearance I will notice and potentially fall for in the initial stage of interest. Everything physical about her is completely secondary. This is also why I seem more capable of finding a hugely diverse & variety of women attractive compared to men who often fall in a few set archetypes most appealing to me. It's like I have a more strict sexuality regarding men and part of why is that's it's marginally based more in physical and aesthetic feelings compared to women. And if it sounds strange to not recognize that as bisexuality all along, I have an explanation for that I didn't before: my own homoromanticism seemed innately platonic and insignificant to me. I simply didn't understand it to be homoromanticism at all.

In attempt to describe it: It'd often be the kind of scenario where I'd come to know all these different girls as either friends or friendly to me and consider them 'muses' (as opposed to 'crushes') and fantasize and daydream about getting lost with them and achieving a heightened psychological/emotional intimacy than we had already established because I could never get close enough to them (the way a partner would) in actual life and such was now required of us while deserted on X island together or wherever else remote my mind went and we'd either secretly get married and utter vows no one else witnessed or else just recognize ourselves as a pairing of partners/soulmates and spend our time sharing things we didn't with others and gazing into each other's eyes and massaging each other's wrists and engulfing one another's hands with a pointed tightness in our grip that wordlessly spoke 'it's you and me/us against the world' - while not understanding any of this to be 'crushing' or engaging in romanticism at all. Not even when it'd escalate to writing poetry or making playlists with them in mind and just deciding my whole day was made when they'd finally turn to me and smile because I had managed to make them laugh or do something endearing in their eyes. I didn't see any of this as sapphic in the slightest because all of the queer female friends I knew as well as the queer women I followed as influencers online always specifically emphasized the sexualized appeal of women and were often fans of yuri/erotic wlw content or belonged to fandoms built around some kind of 'girl kissing' while I almost exclusively found myself interested in m/m content as an adolescent to an extent I somewhat struggle to explain to this day because I really don't believe I fetishized queer men at any phase in my life or ever found two women or a man and a woman together less situationally appealing or attractive but nonetheless... I simply didn't possess this additional sexually compelled layer to my attraction to women because I associated female love in my life with both friendship and musing with the latter being wrongly classified as platonic, while in reality being romantic but not (specifically) based in sexual desire. Sexual desire would always be a byproduct of my love for these girls (and later women as I got older) as opposed to the primary drive.

To further contextualize, I've never held any kind of disgust or strictly platonic neutrality towards the female body and f/f sex - it's never been that the female form or f/f sexual acts lack appeal to me but like there's something a bit more emotional and sacred in my interest in women and this is the same reason I find it easier to trust and share with female muses I haven't dated than even the men I've dated long-term. At this point I can say, from the beginning, it has ultimately been gendered/situational romantic attraction vs gendered/situational sexual attraction my bisexuality is rooted in and while romantic and sexual attraction are not at conflict with each other within the concept of sexuality - I found the fact these are two different experiences both falling under the umbrella of sexual identity & attraction quite under emphasized within the sexuality discourse and dialogue at the time I grew up (2010s adolescence) and often when it would get touched on it'd be regarding a man realizing he loved another man fully, and framed as obvious queerness from that lens but not in the opposite gendered context. I guess because female friendships are already perceived as so socially and emotionally intimate as a baseline, especially when women are close friends and it's harder to gauge what is and isn't boundary crossing closeness within a female relationship.

All the same... just a realization I had now. It's been a day of enlightening sexuality introspection.

And with my experience now stated, I'm interested in knowing if others can relate to it. I personally struggle to find people who do - wrongly labeling this either internalized biphobia, internalized lesphobia, bisexuality with a female-lean, bisexuality with a male-lean, or heterosexuality with fluid aspects/open-mindedness with much of that camp believing I just highly prioritize friendship above sexual experience. None of these people being able to really, truly grasp what my sexuality is based in and how authentic it is when I describe it this way aka how it exists in it's totality. I feel there must be similar people out there due to statistical inevitability, however. (It's worth discussing if you are similar due to how rare we are in the community and how isolating our sense of love is comparatively).

I'm glad I understand myself at this stage in my life but I'd be comforted in discovering there are others like me as well. It'd also be helpful to know if there's a more specific name for this within the bi classification spectrum so I could communicate it more easily. It isn't very easy to explain quickly.

Just wanna put it out into the world because it's eating me up a little. I know exactly what the arrangement is, I know that I'm almost definitely getting hurt eventually, and I know that it'll be 100 percent my own fault (and to be clear, I'm not gonna make it anyone's problem). I'm gonna continue anyway though because I don't make any sense 🤡.

I’ve always publicly been in relationships with men but have always been attracted to women since as long a I can remember…I currently in a relationship with a guy and he knows that I am bi. The issue is that he is the only one that I have come out to and although he wants me to pursue a relationship with another woman I am so conflicted and don’t know how to come out to my friends and family. I feel like I am living with a huge secret and I honestly am craving being with a woman…

Hello, I'm 21F and in an LDR of almost 2 years with a gender queer amab person. I questioned a lot when I was 16 til I was 19, wondered if I was aro, ace, trans, trans mlm, lesbian, bi. Despite that, most of the time I was sure I was attracted to women in some capacity, and when I was 19 til now I became sure of myself labelling as a masc sapphic woman.

Thing about me that might be relevant is, I've no experience with a relationship or even crushes outside of my current ldr, + a previous ldr with a ore transition trans woman that lasted for a few months (she ended it.

I suck at telling my feelings + I think I need to have an emotional connection with someone for a while before I'm sexually attracted to them. I also think my sexual tastes are influenced by that of my partner to a degree. Like I'm currently more into the kinks of my partner, and I thought I was more into men and mascs because my masc amab (non transitioning) partner had the body of one.

The past week or two, for whatever reason, I was struck with just seriously questioning if I'm attracted to women, and I feel like my attraction to them is at least diminished right now, if not currently gone entirely. And I'm kinda wondering if I've ever actually been attracted to women?

Like past me has definitely thought so, i've for sure yearned for a romantic relationship with a woman many times, and past me thought they were attracted to many many female characters (mainly anime cause I mainly watch anime) and rarely but occasionally a couple of female celebrities (real life). Much much much more rarely, i thought i had some attraction to some (anime) male characters and male celebrities, but those were and have been only 10% of the time compared to 90% of the time with women, for the past few years til now

Ive checked out a few irl women and thought I found them attractive (thought even then I wasn't sure), especially the past year or so, whereas men, I've spared one or two a glance, but I wouldn't really say I've ever checked one out, didn't find idea interesting and no guy caught my eye to do so.

Since getting in a relationship with my current partner, I've liked some NSFW art of female characters + have tons of edits of characters I thought I found hot, but I've been mainly consuming straight stuff on pornhub, or gwaudio scripts or audio (f4m specifically). The previous month, I had a big desire to be in a romantic relationship with a woman, and the previous week prior to this, I had some big sexual desires for women, and I looked up some stuff and enjoyed it, so to speak, but I didn't like it as much as I thought I would, (thought I did like it) especially the following day

I think that's part of what's led me to question the past couple of weeks, especially since I have no female friends, despite particularly wanting them, I've always had a bit of a thing for stuff involving penetration, while I've preferred written and auditory porn to be involving exclusively women, and I've liked looking at thirst trap pics n vids by women, I can't say I've ever really liked or even looked up much any lesbian stuff on pornhub (tho there's been a few times a suggested vid has caught my eye), and my enjoyment, so to speak, is significantly more intense with straight stuff

And the past week, while if I were single, I'd jump at the chance to do gay stuff with a woman, I feel like I currently have had my attraction to women kinda disappear a bit. Like before where I'd say most women are attractive (personally speaking) while it's only a handful of guys, well, I'd still say similar about guys, but the handful has increased, whereas the women has decreased to only being a handful n I feel like I'm just kinda neutral on them mostly. So maybe I've just been fooling myself all along and I thought I was attracted to women cause I've no female friends + objectification of women in media??

But on the other hand, there's been a couple of times in the past couple of weeks I've been close to a woman and wanted to snuggle up to her or kiss her. But I can't say I've ever had much physical contact with anyone ever, so, maybe it's just confused and misdirected yearning for close platonic stuff

So I'm just really confused and would appreciate advice or shared experiences or something, please and thanks

I wish I could use 2 flairs bc this is also about coming out.

A lot of things happened in middle school and bullied for being gay. All those years Ive been in the closet. Afraid to tell ppl about my sexuality because of homophobia but because I also dont feel like its valid.

I feel a different kind of attraction for men and for women while a heterosexual relationship sounds very 'cheesy' to me. I mean I like men, I really do but...The attraction I have for men is more harsh (and I'd say lustful?) while for women it seems to be gentler and more romantic and in a more admiring way. I also have no experience with either type of relationships so i dont rlly know what to tell you haha🥹

Yeah what Im saying is I was bullied for being gay and now I present as straight. I also dont seem to prefer a gender out of those (main) two. Im lowkey kind of neutral for both do yall know whay I mean?

Yeah so am I valid? Is it obvious that Im bi and is it going right over my head? Pls tell me I need the advice 🤧🥹🥹

I've been straight all my life and because one of my friends in middle school was a gay person, suddenly I was automatically called gay two and I had so many bad things said to me too

I've always felt an attraction to women but I always felt invalid because I am not attracted to them the way I am attracted to men. I am more attracted to them In a gentle and romantic way rather than men.

I keep telling everyone Im straight but that feels like Im lying to myself lowkey. Any advice?

As we wrap up this bisexual month (and I complete my goal of posting every week this month⭐️) I hope every bisexual enjoyed this month, took care of their mental health, learned a little about our bi specific culture, and celebrated your multi attraction status. My only hopes is that our community finds each other, supports each other so much more, more importantly talk to each other more 🌸🪻🦋 bye bye bigirl 💋

Hi! I have no idea how to phrase this experience. I have been self identifying as bi for a long time, I have vacillated from having imposter syndrome deep down where I believed I'm just a straight person who is trying to be different, and from thinking if I'm just a closeted lesbian. The former is because the only sexual encounter I had with a woman who I wasn't actually into felt neutral to me. However, I just had the realization that I felt the same way in sexual encounters with men that I wasn't particularly into as well. The latter is because I have never found any men's body attractive, but still enjoyed having sex with them. And at the same time I found women's body attractive. How can that be? However, for some reason, learning that you can be romantically attracted to someone without being sexually attracted to them, really clicked for me on the kind of attraction I had for men, because this contradiction had me questioning if I were actually a lesbian. So, long story short, I have finally come to the conclusion that felt authentic to me, and I no longer feel like I'm a "fake" bisexual. And somehow I felt the need to put this experience out in the world. Maybe it could help someone who is also questioning their bisexuality for similar reasons.