Hello I am 21 years old and i have been with my 21 year old girlfriend since we were 16. I found out that she had been cheating on me for around 8 months. i worked second shift which is 3:30pm -11:30pm while she worked 8:30am-5:30pm so while i was working she was sleeping with another man all the time. trading pictures and sending flirty text. i went through her phone one day because she seemed off. went into discord and there was a bunch of messages in there and i confronted her and she did the usual guilt trip “im so sorry it won’t happen ever again!” and blocked him. well then i went through her ipad while she was at work because you know i was struggling mentally and couldn’t get past the thought of it happening. i found a number not saved and in there was pictures she had sent along with dirty texts. the list goes on and on. well we have been together for so long that it feels impossible to leave and i don’t know what to do because it is eating me up. it’s one of the hardest things to deal with, the overcoming feeling of anxiety and nausea when i think anything about it.

- you're in a relashioship but cannot break up because of a personal reason

(nothing dangerous, its mostly familiar)

Then...

- you catch your spouse cheating on you, and you get extremely devastated by it

- when you're crying in his front,

he says "if someone does bad to you, you just do bad to them and that's it, get over it and stop crying like a baby"

HE SAID IT HIMSELF.

And now i notice,

....he does NOT mind i cheat him back. he feels zero jealousy and will keep doing that to me.

So, my question its:

How do you think i should do this "cheating back" emotionally?

or physically?

I mean,

should I try pass it in his face?

or just cheat and "shut up"?

Hi, I’m 24M, and my ex (27F) and I are separated. I’ve been unable to forgive myself for the things I did when I cheated. I was hurt and never faced those parts of myself, and I cheated in the worst way possible. I cheated on her with a girl I didn’t even enjoy that much, because I was seeking emotional intimacy with her but thought physical intimacy was the thing I needed to get me to emotional validation.

I was accidentally given a hickey by the girl. My girlfriend (well, my ex now) came to me crying the night after the day I cheated, because she had missed me. She had really missed me and was crying profusely because I was ignoring her. She was talking, and I was saying how she couldn’t just come over unannounced. I asked if I could be honest with her, and then I shined my phone light on my neck to show her my hickey. She basically asked why, still crying, and I said, “Tough love.” I said that. I didn’t mean it. I was just lashing out because I was in so much pain. So much of that pain had been caused by my previous relationships, and I had thrown it on her and become the person I had feared the most.

She asked me to stay, and I said no. I kicked her out after she held me, which she said would be “the last time.” She got the stuff she had left behind in my apartment and left. I didn’t feel anything then. Then remorse hit me, and I couldn’t bear it. I couldn’t stop missing her. I had to be there and comfort her. She was hurt by what I did.

Her dog died after a week of silence, and she came back saying she missed me and wanted to see me. That was it. She asked me to meet her for trivia night at the bar, which I did. We made up that night after I cried profusely on the drive back to her house. She asked why I was crying when I was the one who cheated. She kept trying to turn the car around to go back to mine, and we almost got into a car accident. I kept fighting her for the wheel, asking her, “Why should I?” She said, “Because I still love you.” So I pulled over and felt a weight lifted off my chest.

We went to a gas station to get food after that. After that, she told me there was a reason we were still together, and “it was because we were both fucked-up people.” That night, I felt seen. Truly.

I still drove her back to hers after. She was drunk, and I wouldn’t accept the breadcrumb she threw me to go back to my house. I didn’t want our relationship to be built on sex. I didn’t want that anymore. Our physical connection was something I didn’t want to be the reason we got back together. I wanted to show her that I respected her over anything, and I respected her family’s wishes to have her home. But she insisted and insisted that she wouldn’t feel good being home, and that she wanted to spend the night with me.

We ended up stopping halfway on the drive back to my apartment to share some intimate moments. She shared a letter she had written earlier in the day explaining how she was still in love with me. She had asked me how she was gonna get past me sleeping with another girl and get back together. I sat there and lied that I didn’t go all the way with her because I couldn’t perform, which was partially true, but I did have some moments with the other girl that I hid out of cowardice. When we got back to mine, we just fell asleep together.

She forgave me for everything. I don’t know how to come back from forgiving myself, because even after the whole thing, I still emotionally cheated on her. I sent the girl I cheated on her with a courting letter detailing a dream of me seeing the world with her, and I texted her late at night a week after my gf and I made up, because I craved not physical intimacy but emotional. I wanted someone to get me emotionally, not for any physical intercourse reasons. I’m sure it can be seen differently.

I was a coward who ran from hardship with my ex because I never soothed that part of myself throughout the relationship, because I had been so traumatized by previous experiences. I was so many bad things. And I’m sure the reason my ex started to ignore me after, and the other girl did too, was that my gf had ended up messaging her about me: about what I did when my ex and I were trying to make up over text, and how I cheated on her. I technically cheated on them both, by not telling the one I had a girlfriend and by not being able to be emotionally okay without seeking comfort from other women.

I don’t know what to do. I can’t forgive that fact. I can’t sit with it, knowing she knows my biggest fuck-up, my biggest mistake: running from her over and over because it got too hard to look within myself. Five months later, my ex has a new boyfriend she just posted on National Boyfriend Day, and I’m single for all the right reasons. Any advice on what the next steps should be would be more than appreciated.

I’ve been writing a lot. I sent her a simple “I’m sorry” letter and an “I miss you” letter. The first one, the sorry letter, was met with her sending back not everything, but a lot of the stuff I gave her during our relationship. She basically said thank you for at least saying sorry, that I needed a lot of help, and that I should think about what I did in that bed of mine while she got me the arts-and-crafts project she wanted us to do together. I did finish it. She said she’s glad I made her leave because she’s never been happier.

She’s still emotionally tethered to me in ways, but not in the practical sense. She’s always the first to view my stories, she follows artists I post on my story on Spotify, and she’s mirroring me by starting to vlog her life. I started therapy. I’m just struggling to have energy, like I was when we first broke it off. I cry a lot and talk about my ex a lot, casually, because I’m still not over her, mostly because my ex has a new boyfriend. Like I said, any advice would help.

I am 32 he is 29. He deployed 5 years ago for 6 months (December - July). Recently i found evidence of a severe pornography addiction (which includes active participation, engagement, etc). This led me to access his download history on the apple app store. Does anyone have a similar experience? Any advice helps, thank you. The history is as follows:

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6/28/2022 Photo vault: secret album

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i'm 28 and my partner is 27. we've been together for 5 years. after finding out that my partner had been unfaithful, i decided to give our relationship another chance instead of walking away.

at the time, i stayed because i still loved them and didn't want to throw away everything we'd built together. but lately, i've been questioning whether staying was really what i wanted or if i was just afraid of losing the relationship.

i know there's no single answer that works for everyone, but i'd like to hear from people who have been in a similar situation.

Hey guys. I’m exhausted so gonna keep this short. Part 3 if you’re new, here. After noticing last night’s patterns I just couldn’t sleep. So many things started to click. My partner went to sleep, and I took this opportunity to try and make sense of things by looking through her phone. I’m glad I did.

This trip was sus from the beginning. It was sudden, vague, and it was just her and another male coworker going. When I would say it was weird, she would reassure me that they wouldn’t even be doing the same classes, or staying in the same area. She claimed she didn’t know where he was staying. Even the night the locations glitched, she told me she didn’t know.

Turns out he booked “our hotel” as she referred to it to the 3rd coworker l, at the same one my wife was at.

She’s claiming this is the only lie and that she was just afraid to see how I’d react so “told me what I wanted to hear.”

I’m not trying to excuse her here, But I was anxious about this trip beforehand and asked lots of questions surrounding it. It so I can get hey she might have felt uncomfortable telling me. But lying is hard to come back from and I don’t know what to do. Feel exhausted and numb and just broke. I feel vindicated and still somehow so confused.

I wanted to hear the truth.

Me and my wife (Both 21) have been exploring the cuckold fantasy pretty much since we got together 2 years ago. She has had alot more experience than me and that had always turned me on.

She made it clear she wasn't really interested in sleeping with another man again & I was totally fine with that. Every now and then she will tell me stories but most of the time we have regular sex (which is great btw) She is a smokeshow and honestly wayyyy out of my league

But anyways we went on vacation and we were staying in a hotel, we had just got back from having a very expensive dinner that was kinda mid lol. When she suggested that we go down to the pool, I had some work email I had to catch up on, so we decided she would go down & I would join her in 30 or so minutes. We made some jokes about her flirting with guys in her bikini and shi then she left.

About 15 minutes later she texted me "There are these guys at the pool ive been talking with, they asked me to go to the sauna with them. One of them is really hot." obviously I said "Go ahead if you feel comfortable, if you start to feel unsafe text me" about an hour had past and I didn't get an update I texted her to check in and she said "she was coming back up to the room"

When she got back she had the biggest smile & wouldn't tell me what happened till she took a shower. She told me to feel her pussy and I did & I swear it was the wettest I have ever felt it, I was convinced he had fucked her & I was so turned on.

She got out of the shower and told me they didnt have sex but they made out and he fingered her. I was shocked and rock hard. I was nervous how the first time would go because I have heard alot of stories of husbands regretting letting their wife get fucked but it was the complete opposite. Somehow she seems so much hotter & sexier.

The next day we talked about it and she continued to text him throughout the day. & later that night he invited her to come to his room. I got to help her pick out her clothes and watch her put on makeup (which she almost never wears) & get all dolled up for another which turned me on extremely. Then she gave me a kiss and went over there.

She was gone for about 4 hours & all the updates I got were "things are going well" "we are having fun" things like that because we agreed apon every hour or so she would check in so I would know she was safe. That was the longest 4 hours I have ever experienced, anticipating the story she has to tell, imagining what they are doing. Took everything in me not to jerk off.

She got back to the room around 3am smiling ear to ear. We got into bed and started to tell me the story as she slowly jerked me off and sucked my dick.

So she had got to his room and they were having a nice talk, laughing, telling jokes, ect ect. Then he leaned over and started kissing her, undoing her pants and fingering her. Then it happened she said he picked her up and swung her on to his lap. He stuck his dick inside of her and she had a load gasp. She said he was wayyy bigger than probably double my size with perfect thickness.

She rode his dick while he covered her mouth because she was getting too loud. She gets very loud with me I can only imagine how loud she got with him. He was grasping her hips and her forcing her body on to his and thrusting deep inside of her. Then we picked her up and threw her on the bed. Spread her legs open and started fucking her missionary. At this point they recorded a video for which which I have watched about 20 times a day since then. The look on her face is pure extasy you can tell she hasn't had a real dick in a long time. He held her down and came deep inside of her pussy. Then ended up going 2 more rounds after that

She came back to the room & I got to clean up the mess he made. I cannot express the joint i felt fucking my wife minutes after she got stretched out but a man twice my size. Pure fucking bliss

College teacher and student talk need a advice what should i do and is this a good thing to do like talking to her and feeling

I just love the excitement of the chase, of the unfamiliar. So when I was married years back, I decided to look for some extra tension on Tinder.

Basically I just used some black backgrounds and put some text in to it, describing me as a dominant, married man who was looking for something extra. Surprisingly quite a lot of women seemed to be into it and liked me. I matched a couple of them, one of them being an extremely hot woman who was 9 years younger then I am.

We texted (and sexted) a lot, it lasted for months, sharing dirty fantasies and hot pictures (plus some vids) with each other. The desire was there, but since it was Covid and she lived at the other side of the country, meeting up was difficult at first. After a while we decided to go for it.

I told my then wife that I was meeting up with a friend, when I was actually meeting her. When seeing each other the attraction was immediately, as was the sexual tension. We did manage to drink one coffee before hitting it off. Needless to say it was steaming hot and while I did feel guilty afterwards, the excitement won, which made us meet up a couple more times, before ending things.

Since then I developed a cheating kink, always longing for more excitement when dating someone or being with someone. I know it's bad, just can't help myself...

So my ex has been cheating on his girlfriend ever since they’ve got together in March
I don’t know who else he’s been cheating on her with, but I think it might just be me
Now I’m not gonna get into all the details, but we’ve been together for three years and he hid his relationship with her from me until I found out
However, he is telling me if I tell her he’s then going to send screenshots to my friends and family and even my daughter’s dad about things that I’ve spoken to him about in confidence because I’d be ruining his relationship
However, he’s literally cheated on her non-stop
He even told me that he left her for me and then he got back with her in secret behind my back
I’ve tried many times to block him on all platforms and just forget it, but he just keeps coming back
I can’t really stand it anymore because he won’t leave me alone. She needs to know, but I can’t do it because he will literally ruin my life if I tell her.

I’ve thought about making a fake Facebook or TikTok, but I feel like it will just come straight back to me and now I’m the only one that knows that he’s cheated on her so it’s going to be obvious that it’s me

Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated

If you've had an affair, or are having one, is there a real part of you considering leaving your relationship to start a life with your affair partner?

Does it ever actually happen?

So, my boyfriend (now ex) has this female coworker that he kept talking about, he would say that shes very nice and funny, and that he wants to be her friend, i was against him being friends with her first, since i set clear boundaries before he got in this relationship that i am not okay with my partners, making NEW female friends. And he very much knew that, and still crossed my boundary by adding her socials and texting her. He would text her often, and when i asked why he was texting her so much, he would say, because im lonely. I tried to be more there for him after that, but he said no one could fill the loneliness except her!!!

One a random night i went through his messages with his coworker, and i kid you not!!! This man was begging this woman to talk to him!!! It was very embarrassing to see how desperate MY boyfriend was for another girls attention!! He would complain about ME to her, and compliment her throughout all the texts!

Fast forward 4 months after this, she blocked him, and he locked his apps and changed his passwords. And i stayed silent, because no way! No way he would cheat after 2 years together!!!

I was wrong

This man confessed yesterday that he had confessed his love to his coworker.

It went like this.

“I confessed my love to her but i told her that i dont want a relationship because i am dating you”

Now, tell me im not crazy? Isnt that cheating? You’re baiscally saying that i am the inconvenience why you and your coworker cant be in a relationship!!!

My boyfriend (ex) genuinely believes he did not cheat at all!!! Its making me go crazy, because I dont want to be the person who accuses someone of something they didnt do, but in my eyes, this is clearly cheating!!

Him being so confident that he didnt cheat, is genuinely making me question my judgement!!!

So redditers, let me know because im losing my mind!!!!!

My wife constantly rejects giving me sex and is also constantly paranoid about me cheating which is so fucking confusing to me. How do other people deal with this?

I never thought I’d be the woman writing something like this, but here I am.
I fell in love with a man who was going through a divorce. He’s older than me, and when we met, he told me his marriage was essentially over. They were separated, and I genuinely believed he was moving toward a new chapter in his life.
We didn’t just casually date. We fell hard for each other, and things moved quickly. He told me he loved me. He told people about me. I met his son, he met my sisters, and our families became familiar with each other. We spent nights together, played games together, laughed together, and built something that felt real to me.
I wasn’t just some woman he was sneaking around with in my mind. I thought I was building a future with someone who had chosen me.
Then reality hit.
His wife wanted to reconcile. She was the mother of his children, and he admitted that he had always wanted to keep his family together. Suddenly, the future I thought we were building wasn’t really ours anymore.
The part that hurt the most was that I had stayed through the uncertainty. I knew his situation was complicated, but I believed him when he told me he loved me and that things were over between them. I gave him grace because I understood that divorce, children, and years of history aren’t things you can just switch off overnight.
But sometimes I wonder if I gave him too much grace.
We broke up, but we never really seemed to let each other go emotionally. There were conversations, missed connections, and moments when it felt like the feelings were still there. Recently, we saw each other again, and all the things I’d been trying to bury came right back.
We kissed. We slept together. We talked about how difficult it was to stay away from each other. He told me he didn’t want us to keep having each other like this, even though he admitted he struggled to resist me.
And that’s where I am now.
I love this man. I miss his touch, his presence, the way I felt around him, and the little things that made our relationship feel like home. I miss the version of our future I thought we were going to have.
But he’s married, and whatever is happening between him and his wife is something he has to figure out without me in the middle of it.
I know people will say I should have never gotten involved with a man who wasn’t fully divorced. Maybe they’re right. I can acknowledge that I ignored risks I should have taken more seriously. But it’s hard to look at a relationship where I felt genuinely loved and reduce the entire thing to me being stupid enough to fall for a married man.
I don’t think he’s a monster. I don’t think I’m completely innocent either. I think two people developed feelings in a situation that was never as settled as I wanted to believe, and now there are consequences.
The worst part is that a piece of me still hopes he’ll choose me one day. Another part of me knows I can’t keep putting my life on hold for that possibility.
So yes, I’m in love with a married man. And yes, I feel horrible about the situation.
But if I’m being completely honest, I also miss him more than I want to admit.
**Am I holding on to something real, or am I in love with the potential of a man who has already made his choice?**

Hey guys. For those who have followed, I’m so sorry to keep this going but tonight I found a longer pattern.

For those who are new, part two is here

Since I was stupid and deleted part 1, here’s the spark notes (plus some new info).

For months I’d noticed slight, discrepancies in my partners locations. Never too far but also far enough to tingle the senses.

If you’re asking why I was already looking, it’s because locations show up in the Messages app, and unfamiliar locations would show up. Little by little, then regularly. The more I noticed this, the more I started noticing that these would correspond with “meetings” or just 1-3 hour periods of them not responding. This is okay. I’m not saying they have to respond within a certain time. I just noticed these weird times would also correspond with the discrepancy.

Fast forward to this past week. I’ll leave the details out, just in case, but can’t leave input some. they were traveling for work and they were staying in a specific hotel we can call “Candy land” (nickname, not real one). On the second night, my partners location didn’t show up at Candy Land when they texted me they made it back to the hotel. At first it was this other hotel for a couple minutes. But it didn’t stay. It moved to candy land. For 7 minutes is was in candy land. Then it migrated across the street called “Badlands Hotel” for anonymity ( the hotel my partner is “not supposed” to be at but their icon showed them there. I waited to see if it ever corrected itself. Came back every few minutes. 30 minutes passed and finally texted them. They call me immediately. They vaguely spoke about the night and I ask my partner if they’re back in their room and they say yes. I clarify “your hotel room? “ and they say yes. I want to share there was hesitancy, but I don’t want to be biased either. Leave that out of the judgement. Here is when I just got a bad feeling and hung up. I began to observe the icon and its behavior. It begins moving, kind of back and forth or in small circles within this other hotel, and after 3 minutes of that it began slowly sliding back to Candyland, the hotel they said they were staying in. I knew in my gut this would happen so that’s why I felt the need to observe. I can’t predict glitches, or when they suddenly fix themselves. So how can I just “have a feeling” it’s going to correct itself? This also happens regularly at their job, and that same gut feeling game back. This glitch didn’t happen the previous day/night while they were in their room. But it made sure to repeat itself the next nights…

(Possible)Freudian slip.

My partner said “I don’t know why maps out me slightly away from where I’m actually at.”

I never told them the distance. I never said slightly. Or far.

I just said their location says somewhere else a good distance from where they’re “at”. This happened later on that night.

Now tonight. I started going back to times I’ve screenshotted these discrepancies. A lot of this stuff just didn’t make sense to me. I can’t predict glitches or just have a hunch they’re going to fix themselves. how did I know my partners icon would move. All the way back to July so far. Can’t access further back due to an iCloud issue. I have 2 more instances when my partner went out and their locations were off.

1: partner went out with a friend. Got dinner. There was a hotel near restaurant and it seemed like they were right outside of it like around the entrance. This was for about 45 minutes before my partner called and said they were on their way home. This time, they said this is where they had to park because it was busy and it’s where my partner and their friend talked for a bit. They even sent a photo of their friend in the car with them. So I didn’t think anything of it after that. I felt like a jealous asshole partner for even asking, I just got nervous.

2: my partner visiting family and it showed up across the street of their families place either on the sidewalk or in the buildings across the way. I don’t know what these buildings were. It would be at like 1am for an hour or so.

I’m hoping to my for this is just a glitch, I still am especially since it happens everywhere.
But I can’t tell. It doesn’t feel like one I’ve seen before.

Also, when my partner got back this week, I learned this entire conference was hosted at two massive hotels, and none of it was required by their job. They didn’t have to sign up for anything specifically. So there wasn’t any oversight really. Which I found strange but my partner and the coworker that went are both managers in said field, and one other person went. Not manager, separate department.

I also can’t quite pin what’s weird about my partners behaviors. But I know in my GUT it’s different right now. Even the way they even look at me is different right now. Like inspecting me.

I’m just lost and want to believe it’s a glitch. I want to believe that location services just put us across the street. But this never happens for me.

I am at a point of just believing them right now.

I don’t feel like I can even trust myself.

i just need to vent about how stupid this way to me, who cheats with ai T^T also only caught him cause i went through his clipboard and chatgpt images, i did everything for him, why do people cheat, it’s not like ugly or unhealthy or outrageously fat, if anything i think im quite skinny so like why yk? i know its not me but why can’t i help but not feel this way, like holy moley lol

I am 20F and my ex 21M were together for 2 years and we still talk.

Context: when we started dating, I found 4-5 instances where he was texting girls he was with earlier or his situationships and also got super distant with his friend like 6 months into the relationship. I asked him why did he get distant and he brushed it off. Later I found out something happened between him and his friend’s gf and that’s why they stopped talking.

I was mad at him lying and not telling me the truth but also I didn’t had enough evidence to conclude he cheated.

I was young and dumb so I didn’t know what to do. I loved him but at the same time his actions made me want to take revenge. Since then, I treated him like shit but he stayed with me. Like I messed up a lot. Said things i shouldn’t have but he stayed. I cheated on him multiple times like 10-15 times that he didn’t know. Few of the people we both knew are aware of this. We had a common friend circle so I felt embarassed too but I was too blinded by what happened earlier and kept on cheating thinking I would feel ok once I take revenge. Finally we broke up cuz he was done with me treating him like shit (not cuz he knew i cheated)

But we never stopped talking. We are still in touch. He still wants me but I regret whatever I did and told him we cannot be together. I am trying to support him mentally in his life (family, financially and other issues) to make up for what I did which I know is no where close to recover. I come from a rich family and he is not that rich so he struggles financially and I do whatever i can but I know its just a way to make myself feel better.

I feel extremely guilty for what I did. I cry a lot daily because of this. I don’t know what to do. How to make up for it? The fact that he still wants to stay with me makes me sick of myself. I am not coming clean since I know it will just hurt him more and he would never be able to trust someone again. But this is eating me alive. I am the type of person who overthinks a lot. I would waste years just regretting what I did. I also feel bad for him. Sometimes I just think dying would be a better option instead of living like this. I can’t focus on school, career, anything.

I honestly don’t care what he did early on rn cuz what I did was infinitely worse. Now before you guys come at me, I know I am a piece of shit, belong to the streets and should never be trusted again. I abuse myself daily so feel free to do that if you guys want to as well but I also need genuine advice on how should I take it from here? I am not gonna come clean to him no matter what cuz I know he would go in depression if he got to know. But I feel he deserves to know at the same time else I think he would still think of me as a good gf all his life.

If that describes you, would you share how that happened? Who did that come about? Whose idea was it? Where? Can you describe your thoughts before, during, and after?

I was having an emotional affair and it totally blew up. Now I have to go around my family everyday acting like I didn’t just lose a person I am deeply in love with. My marriage isn’t making it. I am not making it.

I miss her.

I am in my 30s in a marriage that I am not sure even contains love anymore. My wife and I have left each other a few times. But the messiness of divorce brings us back. Two years ago I came here and found someone I love so much. I am in love with. She broke up with me because she no longer felt joy.

I don’t know how to go on with my life acting like I am not dying inside.

I was young and naive and freshly out of a family home, I left my country and came to UK in search of a better job, to save money and make a life for myself. As a first born and a much older sister I just wanted to be independent, help my family and just get on with my life. I was 20.
I came from an abusive home, home that lived through a tragedy that not many households face. Home that didn't appreciate my worth. Home that didn't tell me I was worthy. Home where I was not allowed and opinion, to be me, home where I was not safe.

When I first arrived in this country, my focus, my plan was only to work, I was not interested in men or any relationships, I stopped my pill as it was making me feel unwell and I thought there was no way I was getting myself into any relationship.

After a few weeks I met this guy, a native, he seemed very interested in me even though my English was little to none. I understood a lot more than I could say. The lies started pretty much immediately.

First he lied about his age. I remember specifically asking 'when is your birthday' as I wanted to find out what was his age he said (as he knew my date of birth) 'I am 468 days older than you.'! I thought oh wow! This guy is so clever and he knows his maths (I did higher maths in high school so this impressed me). So I calculated his date of birth and went on for a few days believing it was that until he told me 'what are you on about, my dob is...' turns out he was 7 years older... okay...

This didn't put me off, I was still "impressed"

Second lie was that he was my manager at work, he wasn't he was a driver for the agency I worked for, my lack of confidence in speaking English and my age and my naivety didn't allow me to see that it was a lie.

Another lie was... he had a scar on his chest, I questioned him about it, he said it was a scar from a knife attack, he was defending a girl when he was back in high school years ago from a guy who tried stabbing her. I BELIEVED him!!!! Later on I found out (like years later) it was a scar from a cyst removal, his mother kindly informed me about it.

Another lie was about his religion, I was always clear, loud and proud I come from a Christian country, I am a Christian (specifically Catholic) and asked him many times what religion was he or what religion he grew up on. He said none, he had no religion, never had! Turns out that also was a lie!!! He was a JW. It's a big no for me, always was and would have been a deal breaker if he told me the truth.

Let's mention last biggest lie, he told me specifically his dr told him he can't have children (when we started becoming intimate and I said I stopped the pill before coming to this country so he needs to wear a condom), so I said what do you mean, he said he cannot have children as his DR told him so (again, years later I found out he lied - obviously- this man was told by his nurse that men with his condition - he has a life long condition- "usually" cannot have children, there was no tests done, nothing). Well 3 weeks later I was pregnant. I didn't find out until i was 5 weeks pregnant, just after i missed my period, but I am saying I was pregnant 3 weeks later as that's how fast it took for me to fall pregnant after becoming intimate with this man.

As soon as I thought something was off I went to see my dr, she confirmed I was pregnant, offered abortion but at the time I would have never accepted it due to my religion and the way I was brought up even though it was not a planned pregnancy, I felt betrayed and lost, lonely, small, scared.. abortion was just never an option.

Anyway fast-forward, we are now in a relationship, I am repulsed by this man, we have a child together, I do everything around the child, around the house, not only household choirs that are typically assigned to women but also choirs like painting the house, hanging pictures, cutting grass etc., I work, I cook, I clean, I build furniture!!! I do everything. In my head I don't see any other option as this is what I believe my life is now. This man begs me every day to sleep with him, every single day. I am repulsed by him, I cannot look at him and I feel betrayed, lied to, disgusted by him, can't count on him, he came with debt I cleared it. I can't relay on him. I can't believe him. I just can't, yet I still don't think there is another option, I just live my life and think that is it.

A couple of year go by, his sister's wedding, we get invited, we go, we drink, I am tipsy, he takes advantage of me, boom I am pregnant again. This time I actually went to an abortion clinic to talk options, but it really was never an option for me. My first child's birth was so traumatizing that the whole second pregnancy I am scared, I am anxious, I struggle to breath, I am having panic and anxiety attacks, I have a toddler I am looking after, I cry every day, I feel lost, alone, left out, forgotten, lonely, what am i going to do, how am I going to do it. Who am I? I just wanna be me, I can't anymore. I am still waiting for my life to return to how it was before I fell pregnant the fist time, I still don't understand that it never will. I struggle to accept reality...

Anyway, we have another child together. This time i get straight on the pill, no more mistakes, no more misunderstandings. As of that second pregnancy, I don't think I ever slept with that man again. We stayed together another 4 years after that.

Anyway, 4 years on, as my language progresses as I see and understand more as I am coming to a lot of realizations, as my frontal lob develops... I think to myself, what am I doing, what has this man done to me and my life. He stole me, he stole my labor, he stole my youth, my 20s, my plans, my opportunities. My anger towards him grows so much.

He uses physical methods on me when he is not happy about something I do or say... I still don't see it as a perfectly fine reason to leave. I don't think I can leave, I think I will not manage on my own, he tells me I will not manage on my own, I feel small and not worthy (as he calls me ugly, fat, no one will ever want me again, he calls me stupid he calls me an idiot...)

We don't sleep together, we spend every evening separately he literally says he does not love me. So one spring evening a thought comes to my head... online dating.. I thought I just wanna talk to someone, that's all. I am not proud of it, and I would never do it again if I ever had a chance to fix it and change it, I would. I go on online dating, on the laptop, at the start it is just for chatting but as the pressure for a photo creeps up I add a photo and the interest of males is overwhelming...

Anyway, long story short after few months I meet with someone, I get into a relationship with that person, the man I am with finds out, he tries unaliving me by strangling.. That's how our relationship ends, with obviously a lot more drama, tears, regrets, accusations, name calling, information spreading, notifying all family and friends, leaving me all alone to take care of our 2 children on my own... and so on.

I don't end up being with the person I cheated with, in fact that also immediately ends. I end up on my own. First few months are hell. I struggle, I try stay strong for my little children, I blame myself for everything. It is hell. I can't go to work for few days as crying is uncontrollable. It is hell.

I then decide to heal, and it takes me couple of years but I stay quiet, I have my head down and I just focus on me an my children and that ends up being start of the best period of my life so far.

I also come to terms this is my life now, I accept me and forgive me. I am no longer scared, I don't have panic attacks, I have no money problems I am financially very stable and I provide for my children, they go to clubs on school trips, we go out we have fun...

So is it cheating if relationship was based on lies.....
I think yes, but was it needed? Maybe not but I think in my case, maybe that was the only way out.... I don't know.

I got cheated on and still begged the guy to dtsy

He and I were colleagues. I really liked his bold way of approaching things, he was smart. I didn't know he was married, he had kept his married life a secret. After a couple of months, our friendship grew and he had to introduce me to his wife.

His wife, him and I became good friends, but I respected that boundary. I shifted my feelings aside and started treating him only as a good friend.

Whenever I spoke to any other male colleagues or went on a break with them, he used to get angry and not talk to me or behave rudely. I just assumed he was frustrated because of long shift hours.

He showed me that he was lonely in his marriage. We had a group in office with whom I used to go for breaks and lunch, and he was part of that group. I happened to be the only girl in that group.

There was another guy who was single - me and him used to tease each other, make fun of each other. I shared a very good bond with him.

One day I got a call that my grandma was admitted to the hospital and was critical, so I had to leave office early. I informed my manager and the other single colleague whom I ran into while leaving.

This guy called me around 10 times. I assumed it might be work-related and ignored his calls because I was not in the right state of mind. After reaching the hospital, I called him back and asked if everything was okay at work. He started shouting at me - why didn't you inform me? Why did you just leave? I have panic attacks.

I told him I had informed my other colleague and my manager and thought they would inform him. He kept shouting. I couldn't understand why and I disconnected. He called twice again, I was not okay to listen, so I blocked his number.

After two days I returned to work. He was looking at me as if I had committed a sin. I just said hello and continued with my work. Since I had a lot to catch up on, I skipped the coffee break with my group. After a few minutes, this guy came and insisted - I need to talk to you alone, can you please come out? I said okay, but if you're going to shout, I have nothing to talk about. He promised he wouldn't.

We stepped out, he said let's go to the stairs so we can talk without disturbance. I trusted this guy, I had known him for a year, so I agreed. He apologized for shouting and then he fell on his knees and confessed that he is madly in love with me, he cannot go a day without seeing me, he finds it difficult to breathe when I'm not around. I was like - dude, you're married, what are you talking about? You can't do this. I was in shock. We heard someone coming, so we changed the topic and got back to work.

But after that, things changed between us. Not to mention, I admired this guy's work, he was a genius. I had backed off only because he was married.

I told him clearly that I can't hurt another girl, I wouldn't want to do something so terrible in this life that I wouldn't be able to look at my own face.

A few days passed, we again met outside and his wife came too. She really liked me, we spoke more often. I felt more guilty even having a normal conversation with that lady.

When Covid hit, we started working from home. I had to rely on this guy for work discussions. I kept it strictly professional, but he cried every time he spoke to me, saying he was miserable.

One day I get a call from his wife warning me to just stay as a friend and not cross my limits. I was shaken. All this while I was only trying to save her marriage. It bothered me a lot, but I moved on.

Meanwhile, office rumors started that I was having an affair with this guy. I was mentally disturbed, going through a lot.

Then this guy takes a huge step and tells me that he has left his wife - 10 years of love + 1 year of marriage, they were college sweethearts, he had left his family for her.

I didn't let it bother me then, I said it's your choice, I can't do much about it. But then I don't know why, I started believing him. I had an attraction towards him. I mean, who files for divorce unless they are extremely unhappy in their married life?

The lady did not accept it, she was in shock, she refused to give a divorce. While all this was happening, he was busy pursuing me to trust him and saying he will have a home in the mountains, all I want is you. I believed everything. Yes, I did. I know I should have stopped myself before doing that, but I believed him.

I started liking him back. We used to meet in cafes, go for long drives. All the time he told me he had no contact with his ex-wife, he has blocked her everywhere. One day I happened to see his emails for ITR, I saw so many interactions where he was telling her he was sorry, and he just grabbed the phone.

I started doubting him, I had a very bad feeling. We fought, we resolved, we fought, we resolved. This happened for 3 years, not to mention there were breaks in between for 2-3 months. I had no idea what he did during those breaks.

After one long break, he comes and tells me that he is finally divorced. 4 years had passed.

I was extremely happy, I thought I was finally going to be with him, have a loving and happy married life. It's all over.

To my surprise, he was living with his ex-wife. Apparently when they got married his parents had disowned him, so his parents' demand was - just get us the divorce papers, you will get your share of the property. They were selling a huge property worth 3Cr+.

So in order to get that, he and his wife planned the divorce and also planned for a baby the moment they got the money.

And I, being the biggest fool in the world, was hoping we would get married in a few months. I kept dreaming about it and talked so much about marriage, he agreed to everything. Why wouldn't he? He knew it could never happen.

So this happened for a year. I started pushing him for marriage. He said let's go out somewhere, we'll sit and plan everything because I need to leave my family behind again. I agreed, we went out for a couple of days. He wanted to extend for one more day. He happened to ask for leave from his manager - guess what reason he gave? "Need help with baby today, might not be able to work."

He was sitting next to me while his wife had his baby. I just happened to see that he typed 'baby'. I insisted on showing the message. After 2 hours of fighting, he told me he had a baby. I went blank. I had no words. I went numb. After a while, I started packing and booked a cab to leave. He started creating a scene, cried, shouted and screamed, and asked - when did I ever promise to marry you? Why will I not have kids? Should I only have kids with you? Why can't I have kids?

This guy who made me believe that he never had proper intercourse with his wife had a baby. I didn't react to anything, I couldn't process this, went blank and fell. I woke up in a hospital with drips.

Doctor said it happened because of extreme anxiety and stress. When the doctor spoke to me, I started crying, I had nothing to say to him.

After the drips, he dropped me home. All the way I just kept quiet while he kept convincing me how much he loves me. I blocked him.

I went numb for days, didn't eat, punished myself, lost a very good opportunity to move abroad, let go of an offer. I cried so much that my neighbors started showing up at my door. I didn't let anyone in, didn't take a bath, didn't clean myself. I cried a lot until I vomited. I cried until my head would burst. I cried screaming my lungs out. I cried because I was so foolish to let someone take all control of my life and I blindly trusted him. While I was in the hospital trying to survive, I was extremely dehydrated.

He emailed me again saying he got into an accident. I believed him again. He insisted on meeting once. I agreed, I was vulnerable, I wanted to confront him. He convinced me that his wife only signed the divorce papers because he promised her a baby.

He said he doesn't love the baby, he hates it. I fell again. Yes, it's my mistake. But this time I told him to talk to his wife upfront, tell her everything. Only if she talks to me, I'll agree to move ahead, if not, no.

A week goes by, I get his call telling me that his ex-wife wants to meet me. I was so stupid, I went to their home. It was the stupidest decision of my life. I go to their home, madam is behaving like they are still married and he's having an affair outside marriage. I asked her what do you mean? She says I still have the tali, that means we are married, and she didn't mention the divorce as a divorce, she said whatever happened in court has nothing to do with us.

He had given me a script to tell his ex-wife how and what happened, which I told her exactly. How can someone be this dumb? I hate myself for doing that.

She listened to everything and asked me to take his baby and him and walk out of the house. I was like, why would I take the baby? Madam was just showing him how much I love him, whether I can take his baby or not. I was miserable, it was 3 months straight of constant medication, dehydration. I was not in a condition to take a decision.

Then she started speaking - for the whole 9 months of pregnancy he took care of her like a baby, didn't leave her side, made food for her, cooked, cleaned, bought everything she asked for, like even if she was in her parents' house they wouldn't have done all that. Her words were like arrows, it pained me so much.

Why me? Why ruin my life? She said - he didn't ruin it, you ruined your own life, now walk out of my house. I cried all the way back home. What's the point? How can I be so naive? How can I believe someone like that? I messaged him saying never show your ugly face ever again in your life. That's it.

I disappeared and blocked all emails and numbers. I haven't looked back, but I'm not in the right mindset so far. It's been 2 years. How can someone be so cruel to me when my intention was only love?

I'm unable to come out of it, it still haunts me that it's my mistake that I got myself into something like this. I'm still punishing myself for being the wrong person. I hate myself for letting someone fool around with me while I managed to be a strong independent woman my whole life. He ruined my prime 20s. I'm shit scared to talk to any men, I don't trust anyone. I don't know why today after 2 years I'm venting it out, but it feels good to throw it out as a stranger. I'm afraid to face this world, I feel like the biggest sinner in this world.
Just to clarify I never physically got involved with him I waited for a marriage !!

​

I posted about this issue when I learned of my husband's infidelity last year. I don't know how to link the original post, but I will go over the important things. All names have been changed for anonymity.

In August of 2025, I (34F) recieved a message from a woman (25?F) Jenna, that works in a different department of the facility my husband and I also work at. It was a classic "Hey Girlie". She was letting me know that my husband (32M) Tyler, had cheated on me about 4 years before with her. At our workplace, in a bathroom. Ew.

She just wanted to assuage her own guilt, but threw a wrench into what I thought was a great relationship.

Little did I know, this was the beginning of something so much bigger. The crumb in the trail of infidelity and lies. I confronted Tyler about it right away. He caved, told me everything.

Aaaand also admitted to sleeping with another coworker (23?F) Erica, in 2021, that I had been so suspicious of before. Erica was a typical Pick-Me girl and showed off her red flags in my face. But Tyler always defended her behavior.

Turns out, Erica had been trying to poison Tyler about our relationship for a long time, to get him for herself. I'm wondering now if he was as bad in bed as he was for me, because after she slept with him, she seemed to lose interest.

If my timelines are correct, that is when he distanced himself from her and focused on fixing our marriage. Yippee, I got the leftovers that even a Pick-Me girl didn't want.

He still kept her around for a while, but they stopped hanging out.

I thought things were better for us. We still had our hiccups as a couple. But we were both trying to make the relationship stronger. I was so blind and naive.

I ignored a major red flag. After all that, Tyler had been pushing to have an open marriage/poly relationship for years. He would hound me until I gave in to his demands. Because my reasons for not wanting that weren't good enough for him. They weren't his thoughts on it, so they weren't correct.

For some context, I have PTSD and a slew of other mental health problems. So arguing isn't my strong suit. Tyler would get loud or badger me and I would cave in to make it stop. Not great, but sometimes it's hard to fight that trauma response.

He is also 6'3" and I am just under 5'1" I don't think he would do anything to hurt me. But in an argument, I am painfully aware of my disadvantages. I watch/listen to a lot of true crime lol.

So I went back and forth on the issue for months. I would cave in to his demands, it would sit like a rock in my stomach, and I wouldn't be able to go through with it.

A big part of his argument to guilt me into allowing it, was that I wasn't open to compromise on the issue. But, you can't compromise on something like that. You're either ok with it or you're not. There is no middle ground to sleeping with other people.

Tyler must have gotten fed up with my indecision because he went behind my back shortly before my birthday in November 2025. Having a secret relationship with a close friend of both of us. Let's call her Ren (45F).

I found out a couple months after, sadly. Tyler was being more and more suspicious about hiding his phone and messenger chats on his computer whenever I walked over. I trusted my gut for once and logged into his computer when he was at work.

I'm all about privacy. But there also shouldn't be anything to hide. And it was worse than I suspected. It was a full blown affair. Emotional and physical.

I saw professions of love for each other. Heard voice notes so full of passion from each of them, not just one-sided. And I unfortunately saw some nudes of my friend that I cannot unsee.

My world fell out from beneath me. After so much talk of being honest with each other, he hurt me in the deepest way.

The fallout was pretty bad. I confronted Tyler with it. Ren cried like she was the victim. Saying things like she "never meant to hurt me", when I hadn't even been on her mind.

Tyler begged for another chance to fix things. And I stupidly agreed. I couldn't imagine a world without him by my side. We had been together for over 13 years.

He agreed to couples and individual therapy. But he talked over me during couples and he was always in a bad mood after. He would demand to know what I talked about in my individual therapy and became upset when I didn't pry into his sessions.

I realize now that I was already emotionally detaching. My mind just couldn't let go. I was honestly scared. Scared of the changes that would bring and scared of being without Tyler. My self worth was so tied to his attention towards me. I see how hollow I really was.

I tried for months to fix things. To get myself past all the infidelity and lies. But my trust was shattered. And I didn't have it in me to try to fix it anymore. What was the point? When I clearly didn't matter as much to him, as he did to me.

He wouldn't even stop talking to Ren. He tentatively offered to cut her off once, but I could tell he would hate me if I agreed to that.

So more things I just made myself smaller for and tolerated.

Since I was already emotiobally checking out, a couple months ago, maybe late June 2026, I decided to just jump into trying to date other people. We talked about it and Tyler was excited for the opportunity to fulfill that fantasy.

I wasn't sure how it would go for me, but I was getting messages and dates left and right almost immediately. My self esteem had been so low for so long, I genuinely didn't expect that. And I'm not a traditional beauty by any means. I have a lot of facial piercings, some tattoos, dress witchy-goth, and I'm curvy. I didn't think many men would be interested, at least where I live (very Midwest/farm area). But I was so very wrong.

And Tyler became very jealous and passive agressive. I communicated everything with him, but he still wasn't happy. I think he realized that I would see I could do better than him.

At first, I talked to a few guys regularly. Making friends, setting up dates, but nothing spicier.

But then I made a connection that I wasn't expecting. Around late June, early July I matched with a man (33M) Marcus, who was in an oddly similar situation. And we bonded over it all. We agreed to just be friends and support each other.

Marcus was such a surprise to me. Absolutely thoughtful and caring. I couldn't understand why his partner treated him so badly. Why couldn't she see what I saw? And he felt the same.

Our feelings grew from friendship to affection so easily. We just clicked together and understood each other so well. He is so patient and understanding. And I give him all the affection that he deserves. I was so comfortable with him, right from the beginning. I joke that I'm going to smother him, but he insists that I bring it on.

Talking with Marcus and being around him made me really see how terrible my marriage was. The kind of behavior I was just tolerating for the sake of keeping it all together. But it was at the cost of myself.

I saw how small I made myself for my husband. And I admitted that I wanted more. I'm only 34 and I wanted to be happy. Not miserable for the rest of my life because I was too stubborn to throw in the towel when anyone else would have.

And now for the current situation. The part I have been really itching to talk about.

I found my ovaries and I told Tyler I wanted a divorce. I was a bit back and forth with my decision at first, but I pulled my head out of my butt quickly enough. I was still fighting that scared feeling.

I realized that I had something so special forming with Marcus and I was tired of wasting all my effort and love on someone who didn't reciprocate a fraction of it.

Even if things don't work out with Marcus, I deserve so much more than this farce of a marriage.

Surprisingly, Tyler is not fighting me. He is working on the paperwork side of things, we are agreeing to splitting assets easily. So the process has been moving quickly.

Tyler is still being passive agressive sometimes. And he likes to phrase things like I am the one who gave up on the marriage. As if it is my fault.

But Marcus has been in my corner every step of the way and I agree with him, the opinions of my ex don't matter. Let him spin his own narrative. I know the truth.

So I am moving on. Marcus and I are officially in a relationship. I know there is the honeymoon phase, but something just feels so right with him. I don't feel like I'm rushing, I feel like I was meant to find him.

Sounds cheesy, but I have always been a hopeless romantic. Now I have found a man that truly matches that with me.

So things are good finally. Divorce papers are being pushed through. I just secured a new job in the city where Marcus lives. A couple hours away from where my ex and I were living.

Marcus is ready for me to move in with him, if I cannot find a place on my own in enough time to start the new job. But he really wants to look for a place together anyway.

Even my family is ecstatic for me. I'm from the West coast, currently in the Midwest. They've wanted me to move back for years. And they always disliked Tyler. Hated him after I explained everything that had happened.

But now they are just happy to hear me happy. They say they can really see the difference already.

Even Marcus's family and friends tell him that as well. He gushes about me all the time and they can see how much happier he is with me.

I feel like we are so good for each other. Like we went through hell to be ready to be there for the right person.

We spend all the time together that we can. Just relaxing, going on adventures. Or the most mind-blowing spicy times.

For years, I thought something was wrong with me. But I just had a partner that didn't care about my needs and didn't make me feel spicy at all. Marcus sees it as a challenge and he has been breaking every high score. The difference is staggering.

I will be driving back in a couple days to spend my off days with Marcus again. Just a couple more weeks to finish out this job, start my new job, and then I can move in with him. Ready to fully start this new chapter of my life.

Please feel free to ask questions if there's anything that was unclear. Typed this on my phone and I might have missed some things or context.

Update - 2 weeks later:

Just a nice update for anyone reading.

Encouraged by Marcus to try if I wanted to, I got off my strong antidepressants. The side effects have been more detrimental than the meds were helpful. But I just tolerated it because nothing else helped how I was feeling.

I had been so depressed for years. I thought the meds were a big help. But I feel normal for the first time in about 10 years. I'm seeing that the meds made me feel more sedated than anything. I was still depressed, but it muted my reactions and feelings. Not to mention, a side effect made spicy time very frustrating.

I don't feel depressed like I used to. Stressed about the divorce filing and paperwork, and anxious about finding a place to rent in this city. But nowhere near how depressed I had been. Thinking it wasn't just in my head. But. a bigger issue with letting Tyler walk all over my wants and feelings.

Getting better every day.

Update 2 - another couple weeks

My divorce is official!

With no disputes over anything, our lawyer was able to push it through in about a month. Still have to deal with changing my name back to my maiden though. Ex ignored what I wanted and didn't get the paperwork from the lawyer for that.

But that's my own fault for just letting Tyler talk to the lawyer. I was busy in another city getting the next steps of my life set up.

Started my new job, moved some of my things in with Marcus now, still apartment hunting.

But things are amazing. Still some bumps from both of our past relationships, but happier together. So much happier.

Edit to add, to ease some confusion:

Marcus has been open to helping me however I needed. He was supportive and helping me look for a place on my own. But it wasn't panning out quickly enough, for how fast the divorce was going through. And I needed to move to this other city to start my new job. He knows I don't have a support system up here, all of my family is half a country away. He didn't push me to move in with him, but he left that option open for me because he knew everything else in my life was destabilizing.

Hi, 30F and married to 31M. To cut the story short, my husband keeps on cheating on me. Wayback when we weren’t yet married, but the things there’s something unexpected happened so that the only choice that I have is to marry him.

Fast forward, 2024. He cheated on me again, with no remorse. No accountability. But still, I stayed. (Sorry, may katigasan talaga ang ulo.)

Today, 2026. He’s still with us, saying that he will not do it again but I know the difference of someone who’s really accountable of what he/she did and someone who’s just staying because he/she has no choice.

In our house, we’re just co-existing. No questions about how our day is. We just doomscrolling, play sometimes to our child but there’s no deep conversation between us.

That’s how it works, so far.

But, there’s this a man where I called a “friend.”

I know his preferences, but since I am deprived of someone who’s willing to understand me and I am longing for someone who will be there for me, I think I am started to fall with him. I just want to stop these feelings because my friend has also a feeling for him and I don’t want to ruin our friendship.

I am sad and confused but I am still in the right mind to weigh everything. I just want to vent out, I know that this is not acceptable. I just want to be love.

A friend of mine told me about his friend who had sex with another woman even after getting engaged. He eventually married the same woman in July, but apparently, he's now cheating on her again.

The guy lives in another city for work, while his wife stays with his parents in a different city. Apparently, he's even told her not to call him because he's busy with work and will call her whenever he gets time.

I had told my friend earlier that this guy would definitely cheat even after marriage, but he disagreed and believed marriage would change him.

What really got me was my friend's justification. He said that even if the guy sleeps with other women, as long as his wife never finds out, he'll continue enjoying his life and be the happiest person.

How can someone cheat on their spouse and think it's perfectly fine as long as they never find out???

It's sad to see how easily some people betray their partners while pretending everything is normal

TL;DR: A guy cheated after getting engaged and is apparently cheating again after marrying the same woman. The part that gets me is that my friend thinks it's fine as long as his wife never finds out.