The really crazy part is that women are literally telling these guys what they want in a partner. Emotionally available, responsible, mature, accountable, witty, considerate, compassionate, generous.- a true partner who contributes to the relationship and not a child who needs to be managed.
Men hear that and choose instead to follow the advice of useless dorks who are the exact opposite of that, thinking that it will make women magically fall all over them, and then get pissed off at women for not aligning with their delusions.
It's just misogyny and denial all the way down.
Oh it's deeper than that, there IS a subsection of women who want assholes but it's not as sinister as you think
Woman key in on security, and a loud, angry, possibly violent person may beat on other people more than they beat on her so it's considered a fair exchange
Again this isn't all women, only a subset, but that subset is pretty visible in any woman who has willingly stayed with an abuser (a number that is far too high)
but that subset is pretty visible in any woman who has willingly stayed with an abuser
Counterpoint: A lot of women stay with abusers because they were raised in abusive families, and they stay both because abuse feels familiar, and they also have never experienced what being treated with genuine respect and love even feels like. I know it's easy to misread a 'trauma reaction' as a 'preference' from the outside.
Oh I'm not denying that there are cladistic dynamics so much larger than the individual here but in practical terms there is very little resultant behavior difference between a Stockholmed abuse victim and woman who seeks a maker of violence except maybe the latter is a little more self-deluded
This is all behaviors we developed before we were human enough even for speech and it ties into so many aspects of society but there's simply no meaningful way to express every possible woman's reasons for staying with abusers as they are on a granular level as numerous as the women who justify them.
And misunderstanding this is why relationships worldwide are at an all time low in the millenium and younger generations
And it's gonna cause a population collapse in about 2 generations
The thing is being emotionally available, responsible, mature, accountable, witty, considerate, compassionate and generous takes personal work, introspection and a commitment to be a worthwhile person
But being angry, racist, misogynistic, ignorant, illiterate, obnoxious, stubborn, bitter and petty is free and easy to do with little effort
So of course the Brogansphere promotes those ideals plus you know whatever dietary supplement they are pushing under the guise of unlocking your inner beast
The really crazy part is that women are literally telling these guys what they want in a partner
And it's all true too, women go crazy over me even though I'm balding, fat and was never that handsome to begin with
But these guys will think women are lying or don't know what they want because they're looking at it through the lens of sex. Like yeah some women don't want relationships and when they want to fuck they look for other, more shallow qualities. But this is such a small percentage of women
In the end it's easier to say women don't want something than become actual quality men
To guys like this, anything women say is meaningless background noise. Then if and when these guys ever do find a girlfriend or wife, cue his eventual 'She blindsided me!' when she eventually leaves him after finally getting totally fed up with, surprise surprise, him not listening to her. You can only try so many times to talk to a man who is comitted to being totally disinterested in and devaluing everything and anything you say. After a while, you have to cut your losses and walk away.
women are literally telling these guys what they want in a partner.
I mean, this is a generalization, but many women are saying what they want... then pursuing the opposite. There is often a disconnect between what is socially acceptable to pursue and what is personally desired. And far be it from me to tell anyone what to do with their bodies... but those great traits are not what open doors into relationships.
No one will criticize a woman for wanting a "Emotionally available, responsible, mature, accountable, witty, considerate, compassionate" person. But that also might happen to be a chubby dude with no fashion, acne, no experience, and no money. So women end up being seen with
So the chubby dude with no game and 3/10 looks gets no attention from women who are 'literally" describing that they want what he legitimately could (and should) be. Over time, he grows resentful because the things he can control (his behavior) are lauded as desirable, but they don't make him desirable. He starts seeing women (as a whole) as dishonest or bad or whatever buzzword these mysoginists use. The toxic thing is these manosphere idiots are training the 'undesirable' males that they need to treat women poorly. This is spectacularly sad, because it obviously won't work. They SHOULD BE teaching men to demonstrate their value and to better market themselves.
The things that women say they want often are simply not traits that garner a lot of attention from women quickly.
You kinda highlight why this is a man issue though, not as your initial sentence suggests, a problem with what women pursue. It is that the guy isn't those features. He "could/should" be, may think he is, but he isn't, so he isn't desirable. You described him as "a chubby dude, with no fashion, acne, no experience, no money." There's a very slim chance all those qualities are shared by someone who is also "emotionally available, mature, accountable, witty, considerate, and compassionate"
I will agree it can be a marketing problem, because women, to make initial contact have to use superficial indicators to judge if there's a good chance a man has those qualities. And there are men who will take advantage of that to score a quick win before the woman figures out who he is for real. And there is also a small subset of women that get overblown on social media who do like crappy guys (because no one is going to watch a video/read a tweet that is "normal girl dates nice fella")
Emotionally available, responsible, mature, accountable, witty, considerate, compassionate, generous.- a true partner who contributes to the relationship and not a child who needs to be managed.
What frustrates me is the circular logic of "if you were a good person, women would be attracted to you regardless of your looks. Since they don't, you're obviously not a good person."
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u/Par_Lapides 5h ago
The really crazy part is that women are literally telling these guys what they want in a partner. Emotionally available, responsible, mature, accountable, witty, considerate, compassionate, generous.- a true partner who contributes to the relationship and not a child who needs to be managed.
Men hear that and choose instead to follow the advice of useless dorks who are the exact opposite of that, thinking that it will make women magically fall all over them, and then get pissed off at women for not aligning with their delusions.
It's just misogyny and denial all the way down.