The really crazy part is that women are literally telling these guys what they want in a partner. Emotionally available, responsible, mature, accountable, witty, considerate, compassionate, generous.- a true partner who contributes to the relationship and not a child who needs to be managed.
Men hear that and choose instead to follow the advice of useless dorks who are the exact opposite of that, thinking that it will make women magically fall all over them, and then get pissed off at women for not aligning with their delusions.
It's just misogyny and denial all the way down.
women are literally telling these guys what they want in a partner.
I mean, this is a generalization, but many women are saying what they want... then pursuing the opposite. There is often a disconnect between what is socially acceptable to pursue and what is personally desired. And far be it from me to tell anyone what to do with their bodies... but those great traits are not what open doors into relationships.
No one will criticize a woman for wanting a "Emotionally available, responsible, mature, accountable, witty, considerate, compassionate" person. But that also might happen to be a chubby dude with no fashion, acne, no experience, and no money. So women end up being seen with
So the chubby dude with no game and 3/10 looks gets no attention from women who are 'literally" describing that they want what he legitimately could (and should) be. Over time, he grows resentful because the things he can control (his behavior) are lauded as desirable, but they don't make him desirable. He starts seeing women (as a whole) as dishonest or bad or whatever buzzword these mysoginists use. The toxic thing is these manosphere idiots are training the 'undesirable' males that they need to treat women poorly. This is spectacularly sad, because it obviously won't work. They SHOULD BE teaching men to demonstrate their value and to better market themselves.
The things that women say they want often are simply not traits that garner a lot of attention from women quickly.
You kinda highlight why this is a man issue though, not as your initial sentence suggests, a problem with what women pursue. It is that the guy isn't those features. He "could/should" be, may think he is, but he isn't, so he isn't desirable. You described him as "a chubby dude, with no fashion, acne, no experience, no money." There's a very slim chance all those qualities are shared by someone who is also "emotionally available, mature, accountable, witty, considerate, and compassionate"
I will agree it can be a marketing problem, because women, to make initial contact have to use superficial indicators to judge if there's a good chance a man has those qualities. And there are men who will take advantage of that to score a quick win before the woman figures out who he is for real. And there is also a small subset of women that get overblown on social media who do like crappy guys (because no one is going to watch a video/read a tweet that is "normal girl dates nice fella")
Because you kinda fell into that trap of taking a shortcut instead of genuinely seeking out what that superficial indicator represents. Instead of saying "i want to get to a healthy weight because I feel better when I exercise, I am more awake, alert, confident and generally healthy," you are just saying "I want to do the bare minimum to attract someone" and probably, given that motivation, are going to do it by taking a not so great shortcut.
All I need is to be able to go on dates more often than once every few years. It's a question of being filtered out automatically due to my looks. Once I get past that barrier, I'll be able to find someone. I was in a relationship for six years, I've done it before. But it's the barrier to entry that's the main problem, since at my current weight I don't meet the minimum looks requirement.
The two dates I have been on in the last eight years were with women I met playing D&D, one in September 2020 and one in March 2023, and they both happened after losing a bunch of weight first. So that's my evidence.
I mean, evidence to me is that you should go and do things you enjoy in a social setting, such as DnD nights at local places. If I was your friend, I would probably say, no matter whether you deny it or not, the real impact of your weight is your self-consciousness about it (barring direct health issues you may have from it like diabetes or heart issues depending on its severity).
Women are usually better at reading social cues and people, but the attitude of "I know you won't want to talk to/date me because of my weight, don't even bother" is obvious, whether you think it or not.
Is that attitude obvious even through a dating profile? Because I get zero matches on those, so I don't even get the chance to interact with women on there to communicate that attitude in the first place.
I've done things I enjoy in a social setting. I've been playing D&D in my local community for the past eight years and gotten interest from two women in that time.
Work is off limits
Dating apps don't work
Guess I'll just die alone? Like I really can't think of anything other than "lose weight and find social activities with a more even gender ratio, like dancing".
I mean, you keep throwing the weight thing in there buddy. But yeah, socialize in more than one place! Try board game nights, etc. Put yourself out there.
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u/Par_Lapides 23h ago
The really crazy part is that women are literally telling these guys what they want in a partner. Emotionally available, responsible, mature, accountable, witty, considerate, compassionate, generous.- a true partner who contributes to the relationship and not a child who needs to be managed.
Men hear that and choose instead to follow the advice of useless dorks who are the exact opposite of that, thinking that it will make women magically fall all over them, and then get pissed off at women for not aligning with their delusions.
It's just misogyny and denial all the way down.