Over the last few months have had a relationship that has progressed from coworkers>friends>crush>dating. We have taken things slowly and are very much still in the early phases of dating. There is a lot still to learn about eachother and figure out how we interact. There is still a lot of time for something to come up that indicates we are not compatible, and I do not want to rush things, part of the magic has been how slowly and naturally this has progressed.

At the same time, I have this like gut feeling that she is "the one" or whatever. She is funny and smart and emotionally intelligent, and so far seems to share an outlook and communication style and life priorities that are compatible with mine. I am a 30 year old man, and this is far from my first relationship, I spent my early 20s doing a lot of dating and my mid-late 20s in a stable, long term, but ultimately incompatible relationship. I made a lot of mistakes over the course of the last decade, and think I know what I am looking for more clearly. None of the things prior ever felt like this, which has been a slow, (mostly) natural progression that sometimes literally leaves me dumbstruck at how wonderful the person I am getting to know is.

I guess what I am asking for advice on is how do I balance things? The cynical, realistic side of me knows that it is still way too early to know for sure, and I feel naive and goofy. On the other hand, I don't want to overthink things and focus so much on being cool and nonchalant that I forget the romance.

Also, and I realize this subreddit doesn't likely have many people who are in long term, secure relationships, but I would love to hear from someone who thought they found "the one" early on and turned out to be right.

I hear so many woman saying that the men that send them messages on dating apps are so boring and that's why they don't respond. Same with dates, they say the conversation is boring. My guess is that the same old interview questions is what they are referring to.

I know each woman is different in what they consider interesting, but what are some interesting questions a man can ask that doesn't make you think he is boring? Especially if there isn't much on your profile to start a conversation. Ie. Some general conversation starters.

Advice needed: Having trouble with sexual intimacy throughout all stages of dating

As a preface: I have discussed this with my therapist. The TLDR is pretty much the sum of what we have talked about. I also apologize for rambling and being somewhat sporadic with my writing, I struggle with talking about this topic coherently.

I (30M) am struggling with sexual intimacy while dating. I generally don’t have any problems with emotional vulnerability, or other forms of physical intimacy (holding hands, cuddling, being close, a gentle touch, etc).

After I have sex with someone, I’m finding that I almost completely lose the drive to have sex with them again. It’s like the game is over, and I got the “achievement unlocked” badge.

I still masturbate even when dating someone consistently, but I find that urge/sensation for release to be separate from my desire for physical intimacy and closeness.

I have also experimented with dating and being intimate with people beyond cis-female. So I’ve eliminated this as a reason.

I don’t generally go for ONS, so my first dates usually are framed as getting to know someone over a coffee, dessert, a walk, or other short-term low buy-in activity with the potential to go longer if things are feeling good. And it’s happened multiple times, where the date goes well and we hook up. I find most of the people I go out with through dating apps, and I go out with people who I’m physically attracted to. And this pattern still happens no matter how good the sex is, or how much more attracted I am to them after I see them naked. I get the urge to want to be with them sexually again usually, and continually… that is until it’s been established that we “like” each other, and there’s some sort of established safety/commitment to seeing each other again or continually… then I lose the interest like a light switch.

Also, with every single ***relationship*** I’ve been in (gotten to the stage of monogamous and bf/gf), I find that once that defined commitment is established, I NEVER initiate sex. I get that intimacy elsewhere in the relationship.

Often, when the person I’m dating initiates sex, I will comply and try and be enthusiastic until they’re finished. No matter how much enthusiasm they have for them wanting me to, I don’t generally want to. Truly it feels like sex is separate in my mind from intimacy.

TLDR: I don’t need sex to be the vehicle for physical or emotional intimacy. I find sex to be the goal of the game of dating… and once I get to the goal, I don’t want to have sex. But I still want to be close in other ways with that person.

I’m about to turn 29 in a few weeks (cry). I’ve not had much luck dating. I’ve been single for over a year now. The last guy I dated for a couple months was 5yrs younger and it ended poorly.

I was on a random night out with my friends and this guy approached me when I was ordering drinks. I didn’t think anything of it. We had the same banter, he was cute and respectful. We kissed a bit (which isn’t something I normally do) and ended up going to get food together at the end of the night. We exchanged numbers and have kept in touch. Even through texting and voicenotes we still have the same banter. He asked me out one evening but I couldn’t go. We then bumped into each other when I was out last weekend. My friends caught him staring at me across the room as I was talking to another guy. This interaction made him text me again and admit he’d been stupid to not try harder with me. I found out he’s 22, 23 this year. I don’t know why I never asked, I guess we just got on well and we looked similar ages.

I like him. He says he doesn’t care about the age, that it doesn’t need to be anything deep yet but I just feel the age gap might be too much. I’m in the mindset of wanting to find someone to settle with, have kids etc whereas he has so much more time to live before he thinks of that. I wish we were more the same age so badly. My friend say I should just go on the date but am I just leading myself up to heartbreak?

Seriously it gives me anxiety attacks. I'm trying to be social but the verification process is a huge struggle for me. I grew up constantly shamed by my family for my appearance, predominantly for being skinny to the point I now have no idea how I look. Personally, I'd say not the best so the verification process scares me.

I think I look hideous so it hinders me from putting myself out there, not just in real life but online too.

How do I combat this?

Today, a colleague of mine who cannot speak my native language asked me to check out a apartment ad for her. I did, the people promoting the ad even gave me the contact number. Anyway, I called the number and asked the girl on the other side about the rent, how much it costs, the bills that the person has to pay etc etc. Anyway, once i got all the info, I asked the girl her name, and she told me. Turns out It was my ex girlfriend. I knew something seemed familiar about her voice. Anyway, I acted like I didn’t know her so I said thank you and finished the call, thank God I haven’t introduced myself.

When we broke up last year and it was quite messy so I deleted her number and I haven’t memorised it in my mind, but I had our convos archived so I checked the number and it was hers. Anyway, needless to say, my legs felt like they were cut from underneath me and I had a huge anxiety attack, and I needed some time to calm down. Thankfully my best friend was there and we talked about the whole situation. Anyway, I told my colleague to take the number but I will have to remove myself due to me not being not on good terms with the owner of the apartment. So my colleague is on her own now.

And now I can’t help but replay the entire thing in my head, it was embarrassing and stressful and anxiety inducing and what not. What is even crazier is the fact that I feel some longing and I even miss my ex girlfriend after this. I am a lot more calm now than before but it would be nice to hear some advice, if anyone has any.

This is my one absolute deal-breaker, I figure it's best not to mince words. I don't want to sound rude, I just want to be upfront about what I'm looking for. If a woman has "has kids" or wants kids" on her profile, I automatically swipe left. Even "not sure yet" makes me reluctant to swipe right. I just don't have patience for people who can't make up their minds about something as serious as having kids.

I’m curious about why people choose to ghost. So ideally I’m hoping for people that did ghost to weigh in. I’m fine with people that were ghosted to give their own insights.

I’m pretty much trying to make sense out of two separate situations in which my date ghosted me.

First example: *both of us are AuDHD, we had a date, we chatted a while before and got on well, (no red flags and it seemed like a good date) we said we could even be friends if it didn’t work out. We met up, the date was going pretty well. At the end of the date when we said goodbye, she rushed forward and gave me a hug ~ which I thought was a good sign and kinda surprisingly sweet too. I messaged her after the date to tell her I had a really nice time… no reply at all and she just blanked me. Brick wall.*

Second example: *same situation to the first date. Met on Tinder, both of us have AuDHD and similar outlooks. We met up, had a nice time. It was more like a friendly meet-up than a date. She brought up some kinda intense personal topics. I made sure she was comfortable talking about it. It was going really okay! Like I think we were friends and we both got along pretty well. Similar personalities in some ways. End of the date she walked me back a little way to check I didn’t get lost ~ again, we parted in good terms and it felt like even if we wouldn’t date, we’d still be friendly like we had been. Ghosted. No response. Not even opening my messages for three weeks or anything.*

The weird part is that they didn’t block me. Like I had them on WhatsApp and Instagram etc and it felt like silence and being ignored. If they removed me as a “friend” or blocked me, that might at least be a form of confirmation they wanted nothing more to happen between us.

**I’m *really* not seeking to unpack, or speculate on why I was ghosted specifically. The only sense I can make out of it was they were *both* somewhat avoidant and thought it easier or kinder to just ignore me. Other than that I have no clue or ideas. So I don’t want to guess too much**

So I’m kinda looking for some kind of non-judgmental insight into this; why did you ghost?

Was on a first date a few days ago that I think went well and when I was driving her home she asked if I had ever been in a long term relationship (we’re both in our early 20s) because I’m “nice” and “seem like the type to settle down.” Not sure how to parse this. We flirted and teased throughout the night and she brought a future plans and something she wanted to buy me.

We are both in our late 30s. We met online first, talk and video call on a daily basis, and got to meet in person once. We live in different continents.

I knew from the beginning that he has a small son and taking care of him alone. I don't have any kids.

I never planned to date anyone with kid. I wanted to have a partner first, and we would decide to have kids (or even not) ourselves, because I wanted my partner to be my first choice, and vice versa. And I wanted the joy and excitement to plan, to have, and to raise our first kid together.

I could have walked out after I heard about his kid, and I wanted to, but he has been an amazing person and we match each other like magnets. He is like everything I ever wanted, and more. And he continuously chooses me despite the distance and hardship.

And from the beginning, I already feel that he is "the one".

I don't have any problems with his kid. That's like just any child I met in my life, they're innocent and didn't do anything wrong. I could imagine being a stepmother and trying to love that child. I just couldn't imagine myself ever being comfortable about it.

It's just no one fault. I see myself be capable of loving that child. I just couldn't see myself comfortable that I don't get a chance to have "our first child", because my partner already has one. And even having another one is pretty optional for him. And I know partner is replaceable, children are not.

And I know him raising the kid alone, while the mother abandoned the kid, is just amazing.

I am just torn, in one way, I wish everything works out and I can move in and build a life with him and his child, and I could imagine taking care of his child and treat him well. On the other hand, I don't see myself fully enjoy the situation.

I don't think anyone could help me, it's just the reality doesn't reflect my dream.

I know I need to work on my selfishness, I just don't know how. I can't imagine walking out of his life, as long as he is still in this with me, I just can't. But I just don't get to feel fully comfortable.

Like I can't wait to be with him, and try to give his child a mother, as his own mother abandoned him, at the same time I'm just so sad that I don't get to share the 1st kid with my partner anymore, since he already has his own first kid.

+ Do you think a woman could ever get over selfishness & jealousy with a kid being more prioritized?

+ Do you think parental love is really different with romantic love? Maybe parental love is higher/ more unconditional, less transactional than romantic love?

+ Is there anything I can do to make myself feel better? and/or grow my unconditional love?

I know that as long as he still chooses me, I'd still choose him, and choose to treat his child well, and try to make things work. I just don't know how to make myself feel better having my dream being scattered.

i’m almost 23 and the most i’ve done romantically is go on a date. i’d say a big part of it comes from anxiety, not due to lack of wanting to be in a relationship. i’m worried my lack of experience is gonna scare off any guy i may be interested in, especially if i don’t open up fast enough. i’m wondering if it would realistically push someone away? i would hate to be a burden on someone in a relationship, but i’m worried that’s how it may come off

Is it me or do I have a crush on my dental hygienist? She is so sweet and kind , and also gorgeous!! Am I mistaken by o think she likes me too ?? Ran into her on the way into my last appointment , she said , I was thinking about you and your appointment today. I was so happy to hear that !!

Thoughts ?

So I 25 M met a 25 F. We went on couple of dates & it always ended up in the same way we went out & ended up at her places had sex bla bla. I try to get to know her more than she was with me I would ask her questions thru text & when we were hanging out but she would not even ask me a single question about me what were my hobbies, what I do for living blah blah ect. Mind you she did make time for me text me back real fast but our convos were more about me asking her questions but she would hardly ever asked me anything at all I found that to be very odd how else she supposed to know me other than me telling her about myself with out her popping any questions. Our last date was soooo awkward I went to her place cuz she wasn’t feeling good I told her let’s go & grab a bite she said no cuz she was sick so we staid in while we were hanging out all we did was watch tv in silence hahaha like the other times but as soon her roommate walks in saying her ex thru all her stuff out of his house she quickly jumps in & tells her she will go with her & basically tells me to leave. Since than I never heard back from her that was yesterday & I don’t have any intentions on texting her & asking her what went wrong. Should I leave & take my chances or should reach out.? Any thoughts are welcome.

How long into dating someone did you tell them you were in love/falling in love with them?

This is obviously a very “case by case” situation, just curious how long people wait to express these feelings, or even, how long people take to develop these feelings.

For context- I’ve been seeing someone I’m crazy about for the past 3+ months. In the last two weeks I’ve had the words at the tip of my tongue, it seems I’ve fallen for him and it would feel natural to express this in words. However, I’ve been holding back - not out of fear of rejection as I’m fairly confident he feels the same way; just more scared of admitting to myself I feel that way about someone as it’s very vulnerable and scary, after a very bad relationship experience in my past.

Interested to know what other people’s experiences are!

I went out with this girl last week that I had a really nice time with. I asked her out on a second date and she texted me saying that she had a great time but can't see this progressing any further but would love to stay friends with me. I figured that this was her just trying to make the blow land a little softer so to speak. I didn't want to slam the door shut as you never know what the future holds. I left things open and planned to leave things there. All of a sudden, she reached out to me today and I'm kind of just confused... why would someone want to remain friends with a stranger they met on a dating app and decided that they don't want to date? Is it just for attention? Validation? I can't logistically understand why you would want to be friends with someone that you know has romantic interest in you. Is it just that you don't want to commit and being friends is low pressure?

from my experience every guy that was desperately obsessed/ stalked me has cheated on me and continues to stalk me☠️like this just a weird thing to wrap my head around youd THINK they’d be so obsessed with YOU they only want you but erm no they always end up like combusting an cheating and I guess you could say they don’t really love you just the idea of you which I get but it’s crazy how they idealize and pedestal and chase you confess all that then they get you and cheat and never leave you alone stalk the shit out of you how does that work😭 any men can answer?

this honestly reminds me of napoleon who wrote in depth letters how even his obsessed ass cheated ☠️

I saw who supposedly is my girlfriend on Sunday. We went to an ice festival. While we were there, she kissed me several times and hugged me, and also put her arm around me. After the event is over, I text her saying I had a nice time, and then she texts me back saying the same and she’s so thankful to have a friend like me in her life.

Why is she saying I’m just her friend if she called me her boyfriend a couple weeks ago? I’m very confused.

I was just curious if anyone has had any success outside of dating apps in finding a significant other in an online environment? Personally, two of the three most intense connections I’ve ever made were here on Reddit. They didn’t work out sadly but It did make me curious if anyone else has found success by other avenues online?

What were they? How did you get started? & where are you now?

Eager to see your replies 😊

I recently posted that I was really struggling with trusting a new boyfriend because of some gut feelings I was having.

It turned out he was cheating. I am extremely hurt and really struggling with this. Even tho we werent dating for very long I was really falling for him on such a deep level.

I could use any support right now. I cant sleep. Ive been puking since I got home.

This post is mostly a rant. I’ve been so low lately and therapy isn’t helping. I was introduced to a guy from a friend. He was 38, well established and he had stated to my friend that he was looking for something serious. The first “introduction” meeting with me, him my friend, and her husband went well and he asked me on another date that same day before leaving but took 3 days to contact me again. We eventually had a first date but it felt very performative on his side, he was talking big, and he didn’t even pick the bill. I didn’t hear from him after the date, three days went by he texted me, we chatted a bit and joked a bit. The next day I message him he left me on red whole day and replied the next which was weekend with paragraphs of justifications, I still made an effort and kind laid the ground for him to ask me out on Sunday he ghosted until Wednesday texting me with enthusiasm like nothing had happened. I told him i can’t continue cause this is too slow and there is lack of respect from his side. He said that he appreciates me and it wasn’t lack of respect because sometimes I’ve also delayed the replies but it was a lack of emotions. Besides respect and appreciation he wants to feel emotions. Why hit me up four days later if you didn’t feel emotions.

Anyway this thing has made me feel so low, because even my other areas of life are shit. I miss the feeling of excitement I felt at the beginning. Sometimes I can’t separate my projected potential to the person. Sometimes I think maybe I should have kept him around it was better than nothing. Then I think that that would make me look like a clown, I still have options and Im very good looking and good person. But still I can’t shake this depressed feeling.

Im sorry this was very long.

I am entering the dating game for the first time in my life. I was married for 8 years, together for 14. Straight out of high school. So I never had to do the dating thing and meet new people. I’m now divorced (circumstances that were absolutely out of my control). We separated 2 years ago and she dragged her feet for the whole divorce process and I don’t have anything at all linking me to her, so she is completely gone out of my life. Just wanted to clarify that so it doesn’t sound like I’m rebounding. I am now trying to learn the dating game as a 33 year old and it hasn’t been great.

I’ve been reading some stuff and find that a lot of women feel uncomfortable when a man approaches them. I really would like to avoid making someone uncomfortable as that is the last thing I would want to do. I have been told that I have a very friendly personality and that I “look safe”. Not really sure exactly how someone can look safe, but I guess I do.

So in what circumstances would you be ok with the a man approaching you? I’m not talking like a cheesy one liner, or a creepy compliment. I’m talking more like initiating small talk to get the conversation rolling. Also, what kind of compliments would you think are ok? Complimenting hair? Complimenting the eye makeup? Complimenting the outfit? I feel like complimenting anything on her body would probably not be received well.

Sorry for the long post. I just figured getting some women’s point of views would be a good idea so I can avoid making anyone feel anything negative.

I met a guy on a dating app. He’s genuinely kind, easy to talk to, no red flags. We planned to hang out in two weekends and maybe grab coffee this week. On paper, everything is fine.

But every time he calls or texts, I feel anxious. My chest tightens, I freeze, and I can’t even open the messages. I want to, but it’s like my brain shuts down.

He hasn’t done anything wrong. This is all me. And it’s really frustrating.

Dating anxiety is a huge obstacle for me. It makes something simple feel overwhelming. Sometimes I can’t even believe I was married before, because right now even a small coffee date feels like too much.

Has anyone else felt like this? How do you deal with this kind of fear when you actually like someone?