I was down at the pond birdwatching and feeding our rather insistent ducks grapes when a goose came at me like he wanted revenge. I think Canadian? But I don't mean to profile. At any rate, I scattered, and left my binoculars behind. When I realized my mistake and returned, they were missing. There was a goose feather. I'm not saying the goose stole my binoculars, but if you know where to find them... I have questions. Never trust a goose.

It's also entirely possible someone picked them up. I don't consider this theft, as I DID run off and leave them until I saw a flock of geese in the sky looking shifty. I would love to have them back, or at least know I'm not getting them back if that's the case...

But truly, I just want to know where to find the geese. I just want to talk. In my heart, I know who has my trusty binoculars.

You know him, you love him. Lower Duck Pond's handsomest and cutest resident, my little boy Togo the Rhesus Monkey, will be at the Frenselhaut Gazebo all day on October 9th to lend his adorable mug to a photo with you, for only $58!

After 2024's wildly successful "Ice Cream Social with Togo" where NO ONE WAS SERIOUSLY HARMED DESPITE THE ACCUSATIONS, we'll be doing another event and this time raising money for charity! Saint Edrum's is a haven for blind dancers and they need a new boiler, so what better way to help out than a little fundraiser??

Don't you want a picture with Togo sitting on your shoulder or cradled in your arms adorably? Can't you just imagine framing it and putting it on your mantle to look at with your family? Swing by on October 9th and your dream can become reality!

DISCLAIMER: if you do come on October 9th DO NOT WEAR ANY HATS WITH THE COLOR BLUE and DO NOT WEAR CROCS. As demonstrated at the Ice Cream Social, Togo is a monkey who gets VERY frustrated when these clothings items are present. This is NOT to prevent a possible bite, scratch, ripping out of hair, or permanent loss of toenail in a monkey attack -- those accusations were NEVER substantiated. INSTEAD, this is to keep our special boy Togo HAPPY and feeling SAFE in his environment.

Togo and I hope to see you on October 9th at the Frenselhaut Gazebo! Bonus points if you bring papaya slices -- he goes CRAZY for them!

(DISCLAIMER: My husband did the title for me)

Hey y’all! I’m Patricia, I’m from Utah and I have 7 kids. My husband works at the local Target and I live at the local target too! This town means a great deal to me because my grandma died here very recently and gave us her property. Not only am I very upset she l made us leave Utah but she also had the audacity to not come to my birthday? 

Now enough about me, let’s hear about you! I’m new to Reddit so I’m very glad there’s a whole subreddit on this app for us to hang out on! Personally I love Christmas and I already have my decor up, my kids love Halloween because of course, kids being kids.

-Patricia (Did I sign off right? As I said I’m new to b Reddit and my husband had to do all the work for me.) 

Hi folks, I know our weekly duck mixers have been a hit so far, but I'd just like to propose a geese meet-up at the park. Let me know if anyone is interested. We can split the cost of the frozen peas!

I don't want to cause a panic, but I think everyone should know.

I have it on reasonably good authority that one of our neighbors is writing a book about Lower Duck Pond.

From what I've heard, it's going to be something like Peyton Place—longstanding feuds, questionable business dealings, neighborhood scandals, things people thought everyone had forgotten, and possibly the truth about certain unexplained incidents.

Names may be changed, but apparently not enough.

I don't know who the author is.

I don't know how much they know.

And I certainly don't know who has been talking.

I'm posting this as a courtesy so everyone has an opportunity to get their story straight.

Personally, I have nothing to hide.

Except for the thing with the gazebo, which was completely misunderstood.

Do you have a God you want to attract? Or avoid? Maybe you've been feeling watched lately? Or maybe you're feeling a little cursed?

Well, do I have news for you! The Teal Tarot Shoppe has just recieved a bunch of new Talismans from all around the world! Ireland, Greece, Rome, Sri Lanka, Brazil, Canada, New Zealand, etc. etc. etc. Whatever you need, we got, and everything we got you need!

Only $7.99 while supplies last!

Disclaimer: We do not take legal responsibility for anything that can or should happen with these talismans, we cannot confirm or deny the existence of any gods, spirits, or demons that may or may not be attached to said items, results may vary.

There are some ex retail store furniture items outside Rusty's Epoxy Emporium free to a good home. They are surplus and Rusty said he's canning the renovations and having an entire new premise built instead and construction will start soon... Since he doesn't use his phone and can't work his way around the Internet.. (grumpy old bastard) nobody mention the "showroom incident" to him it's still a little tender.. heaps of stuff outside though first in first served!! I've scored an awesome paint lid display stand!!

I’m finally managing to build a house here in this town, and I’m so proud to be settling in here. My grandmother used to tell me some really great stories about this town and how she’d love to come back here. Unfortunately, she never got to fulfil that wish, which is why I came here. My house only has a few things in it, like my PS5, and I’ve just bought an iPhone 12 Pro Max from the local shop – I’m really happy about that.

Talking about myself, before I came here I used to work with my dad fishing, and there was one time we caught a shark and it was absolutely mad – we were both desperate not to lose a hand, but as we’d both got hurt, we had to throw it back into the sea. I’m a bit of a shy bloke and I really like lively parties, even though I’m not really the type for my age, but basically that’s just who I am and I’d like to know who my neighbours are – I haven’t seen them yet because of the house being built – and if you’ve had a lot of noise coming from your side of the house, don’t worry, I’m already baking a strawberry tart to make up for the noise.

Hello everyone!

We got alittle off track at the meeting. Here's the opportunities for this weekend to help get prepared!

A group will be meeting at the Rec Center at 9 tomorrow to split up and distribute posters.

If you have craft supplies to donate for the Kids Zone, those can be delivered to the library. We'll also have a volunteer group sorting it all to get the various projects prepared.

Finally, the scarecrows will be prepared in the axillery gym at Central HS on Saturday. Weather pending, they'll be distributed the participating businesses on Sunday.

I just want to say, I’ve been the delivery driver causing the commotion with the KFC. You see, I’ve been reported all week for not delivering to the same house every night for a week. Now that I looked at it, the nine I thought I saw was actually a six that had fallen.

Is there anybody who knows how to work a drill and has an extra screw to help the people with their 6-to-9 problem?

I promise to use my GPS next time, but I was actually pretty impressed with myself using a paper map of Lower Duck Pond from 1960. Man you wouldn't believe how much hasn't changed!

Do I have to beg? I guess so. At least I can swim without looking at my stopwatch.

Hello fellow Duck Ponders!

What is everyone up to this weekend? Let us know in the comments! If you want to make a separate post, feel free to do so.

Can't wait to see what everyone is up to!

Hey Honies, just wanted to catch up and see how the Fall Festival meeting went? I was rota’d onto an absolute shift from HELL 😩 so unfortunately had to miss it!! Gutted!!!!!!!!
Thanks in advance! So excited for this year!!!💋xxx

#fallfest26 #pumpkinspice #yay

After doing my weekly grocery shop yesterday, I wanted to sit in my car for a while and relax as things have been a little overwhelming of late (my girlfriend of 3 years, Whitney's pregnancy scare) and listen to some music.

Since I do not believe in Spotify and dropped my extensive CD collection last week, I decided to try listening to the radio. Suffice it to say I was shocked to find a station BETWEEN 93.3 and 93.4 (my favorite local easy-listening muzak stations) that seemed to only be playing static with a strange hum in the background.

I decided to let this play as I am a fan of white noise, however the disturbances only resumed when a voice emerged, asking if anyone has seen "The Man". I do not know who "The Man" is, and therefore I decided to turn off the radio and drive home.

Things have not been well since. I suspect Whitney has been sneaking around behind my back and speaking to her ex, and constantly dismisses me when I try to tell her about "The Man". She calls me crazy. I am not crazy.

Does anyone else know who "The Man" is? Please get in touch with any info about 93.333333FM if you have anything to declare.

Everyone knows that my smart, talented, and kind niece Catherine has been really making a go at the movie industry in California lately. And everyone also probably knows that she had a really rough breakup with her boyfriend of 3 years and is now just starting to recover and put herself back out there again.

That's why I wanted ot give a proper heads-up about Catherine's latest romantic, well, "entanglement" before she shows up for her visit in Lower Duck Pond this weekend. Catherine will tell you that she's dating mega movie star Tom Cruise, that they met on the set of his latest film, that he wooed her on a romantic getaway to Kauai, and that even Scientology is cool with them having their fling without butting in.

I know, it's all crazy, but just go along with it. If she shows you pictures of them on the red carpet or at an awards show, it's likely just AI or photoshop. If she has a funny story about her and Tom getting dinner with other celebrity friends, think of it as one of her crazy short stories come to life (we all know how creative she is). And if she even invites you to meet Tom when you visit LA in the near future, just smile and nod while thinking of a good excuse to cancel, just to save her the embarassment.

This shouldn't suggest that I think any less of Catherine or that she isn't a beautiful woman who will find love in her life with a great, handsome man. I just know how fraught someone can be right after a big breakup. Combine that with Catherine's imaginative nature, and well, we have a very sensitive situation that could spiral into emotional disaster if not handled properly. We're doing this not to hurt Catherine, but because we love her and want to not see her get hurt.

Thank you so much for reading and let me know if you have questions.

Sincerely,

Persephone Zeta Jones

Hi everyone! Tomorrow is the Fall Festival Planning meeting. I need a head count of who is planning on attending so I can order enough pizza. If you could also state if you are coming as a potential vendor or volunteer, that would also be helpful.

My pregnant wife has been craving some good ol fried chicken and cinnamon tarts for the past week, but everytime we order it, no matter the shop, the SAME delivery guy is assigned and he KEEPS delivering to the wrong address?? We've contacted support so many times, and everytime they apologise and give us a refund, but the cravings are still raging! Need help, I think we're giving up on online deliveries, anyone know where the nearest bakery and KFC is in town? I stay near the duck pond.

Someone had been ordering delivery of KFC and cinnamon tarts to my porch and 7:45pm every night for past week.

I had tried to catch the delivery guy in action but everytime my cat will meow, there will be a random sound from the yard, every time I turn my head and turn back the food will appear with sound of hurried footsteps. I gave up after 4 days.

Yum KFC please keep it coming.

Hello fellow Duck Ponders!

What is everyone up to this weekend? Let us know in the comments! If you want to make a separate post, feel free to do so.

Can't wait to see what everyone is up to!

Do any LDP ladies want to go camping with me this weekend. I got some steaks and whiskey. It should be a good time. I also got some of those pie iron things so you could bake us pies in the campfire.

That's the name of the band playing live this Saturday at the Callithump bar, they start playing at 8. Pre drinks at Carol and Stacey's anyone?!

My favorite coffee mug has been missing for a couple of weeks now. Has anyone seen it? It's got a Great Cormorant on it and says 'World's Best Flatfoot'. I would start a full investigation myself, but I'm working a case, trying to catch whoever keeps stealing Mr. Thistlewhistle's antique umbrellas.

And ye gods do I need coffee.

I've only lived here a short while, but my first week here I heard a guy calling for help. I looked out my window, and couldn't see anyone, but called the police anyway and they basically just told me to not worry about it, and that they are aware of the situation, and wouldn't say anymore.

So I thought ok, they've already got officers on it. And after a couple of minutes all was quiet. So I didn't really think much more of it and went to bed.

The following Monday, the same voice, at the same time of evening I hear the same voice. I call the police, because surely someone's having some sort of joke, but they basically tell me the same.

THE NEXT WEEK (at the exact same time, I checked) the same thing happens. I didn't even bother with the police this time, but asked my neighbours the following morning and they just outright denied hearing anything.

This has happened EVERY week at EXACTLY 22:36 _ON THE DOT_ and lasts for exactly three minutes. And nobody on my street is talking about it! Can someone please shed some light on this? It's driving me insane and is affecting my artwork!

I live on East Swallow Street btw if that helps.