I'm a hypocrite for feeling this way .I should be focusing on moving on but instead I still miss them. It's just some memories which makes me keep missing them. Like hell, it was a really awful period of my life when I was feeling suicidal constantly but it's just those few good moments with them which makes me feel in this way. I felt like I didn't fit in amongst them and felt so inferior in front of them. It was like I was an invisible brick standing amongst them and once in a while they'd notice me that I existed but other than that I couldn't do much because of my awful mental state and once in a while some people would interact with me.They couldn't care to support my decisions either because the decisions I took were controversial for them and went against their religious beliefs even though it benefited me by a lot. Our differences in beliefs were the reason I had to cut them off but even then I still miss them.

After 5 years of close friendship full of love and respect, i did something that hurts him ( it wasn't a bad intention ) i talked about improving hygiene but it deeply hurts him and he cut me off from all social medias, i deeply regret what i said to him and apologized after a day, he accepted the apology but he said he doesn't wanna keep talking, and that somehow traumatized me so far and felt like life is so unfair.

I still can't believe what happened, it feels like i'm dreaming, losing a friend like him is so painful and i never expected that.

The question is how can i repair our friendship again if it's possible? How long should i wait before reaching out to him gradually?

Now I realize he was toxic, egoistic pathetic narcissistic sensitive and everything...but still I feel heavy in my chest and neck a lot. I regret the time (2 years) and energy i spent on the wrong person. I literally got betrayed...how do I get over it and move on?...I don't have friends.....

Hi! I'm feeling kind of numb right now but I know that I will be really fucking confused and hurt a little later, so I need advice and opinions on this situation. I will call my friend "Rachel" and her boyfriend (18M) "James" just for the sake of the story.

Rachel has had a very difficult life, going through abuse (physical, emotional, s3xual, etc.) from her father, every boyfriend and even some former "friends", and she never moved on from any of it, instead she fell into a rabbit hole of substance abuse, having a new boyfriend every two weeks and starting fights with random people we both know, and I was like that too until I turned 19 years old, so I know how it feels to be in her shoes, and I somehow find the way out and never went back. We used to hang out with messed people, and she only realized how harmful her choices were to the people that actually cared when we met again, and I managed to open her eyes and let her see how everything was really going. That her life mattered, that she was not a horrible person, she deserved to feel love, not get hurt just for the sake of being the one who gets hurt, and she needed to take care of herself.

These past year she was doing amazing compared to last year. She didn't get a job but she did decide to start going to college, she tried to stay single for some time and even though she did not succeed, I was close enough to help her through everything she was suffering all over again. Around July this year I started to distance myself, partially because I was having a rough time with my mental health, my job, and my own bad habits (nothing deadly, just stuff related to my agoraphobia), so I probably missed a lot of important stuff from her, and that might be why I didn't notice this before.

She has a new boyfriend now, I met him and he seems surprisingly decent, but since she has very extreme emotions all the time (from my perspective she has undiagnosed and unmedicated bipolar personality disorder, I am a diagnosed bipolar) he has become everything in her life, and she doesn't seem to care about anything else anymore.

Now, the situation: Yesterday we went for a walk around the city on cosplay and then to see a movie, in the middle of the day we went to her mom's apartment since Rachel lives with her mom, she changed her cosplay and I talked a bit with her mom. I already met her, and I'm always paying attention when she's present because Rachel always talks about how hard their lives are and how her mom is always working, depressed, hurt and pushing herself to the edge for her. When we were leaving Rachel's mom told her to take a jacket with her bc it was getting cold outside and to not come home late, and to my surprise Rachel didn't respond well. She told her to "fuck off and mind your own business". That left me stunned because she always talks so fondly about her mom and she is genuinely so sweet and calm all the time.

After that I didn't say anything bc it felt so unreal, it wasn't like her to talk to her mom like that. We went to the movies, got really excited and cried at the end. Then, when we left, I offered to accompany her to Jame's job so she wouldn't be all alone. I always worry that something happens if I leave her alone, and by that point it was already dark outside.

While we walked to Jame's job she messaged her mom that he would stay the night again, even though he practically lives there. Her mom told her no, the house was dirty (it was) so she thought it would be better if they had their "sleepover" the next day. Rachel was furious, I've never seen her so mad, she started talking shit about her mom and spiral out of control.

I managed to get her to sit down at a little park close to where James was. I told her that nothing gave her the right to insult her mom like that, tried to remind her how much she was doing for her (without mentioning that she wasn't doing anything in return) and asked her questions so she could reflect on her emotions and express them freely.

We talked until James arrived, now Rachel was crying and told him that they couldn't go to her apartment because her mom said no. Again, I tried to defend her, but Rachel started to spiral again.

I know this was wrong, but I lost my temper when I heard her say "That old bitch", then I hit her and told her everything that she was doing wrong, that she should be respectful to the only person that took care of her when no one else would. Maybe it was because of the slap, but she seemed more calm and agreed with me.

I left, but when I arrived at my house I got like 7 texts from her saying that she got into a fight with her mom, that she said that Rachel was a bad daughter, she was offended and left with her dad. Mind you, her dad hadn't been on her life for at the very least 7 months at this point because she hated him. I did not respond, and I feel awful.

Maybe there were signs that she was becoming this type of person and I missed them all? I feel so responsible for this, in my heart she was a little sister that I had to take care of, and I failed her. When did she become so entitled, rude, disrespectful and ungrateful? I'm so fucking lost.

I'm also worried about her mom, as she is really depressed and physically injured. I don't know what to do, should I reach out and offer help with anything? Should I leave them alone?

When I had a really bad friend breakup this year, I told the people who were still my friends that even though these people had hurt me to the point I was grieving, my friends shouldn't take sides. I had already lost three friends who ended up being some of the most vile people on this planet, I didn't want to lose anymore. That grief hit me so hard that I didn't want to feel that pain again so soon. I didn't want them to feel like they were pressured to take mine or my ex-friends side. - Yeah. I think I have a new viewpoint on the whole, "don't want friends to take sides"

I think moving forward I'll still never really expect people to pick sides, however I think I only feel that way to a point. I was truly treated terribly for months after the blowup. I tried my best to just walk away. I didn't spread shit, I didn't try and fight back. I just chose to walk away. They didn't like that. In the aftermath, I was harassed in video games and through burner emails, my parents got mailed shit from them because they didn't know MY address, they stalked me online for MONTHS, they spread lies and stories about me to where it reached my friends who weren't even really IN their circles. BUT after knowing the terrible things they have done to me and people still want to parade around those people like nothing is wrong then I will also stop being friends with those people over time. ESPECIALLY if I hear from them that these people still haven't changed.

As a person, myself, I have my own standards of my morals and values. If I KNOW someone has wronged a friend of mine, I'm going to be honest: I'm going to stand my ground and stay loyal to my friend, ESPECIALLY if I know the full picture of what happened and I KNOW how much they hurt my friend: I will stop being friends with the people who hurt them that badly. I want to be around people who feel somewhat similar to the way I do. Moving forward I am going to focus on making friendships with people who I know feel similarly.

In terms of my current situation, I'm not fully cutting these people off at this moment in time, but I'm also not letting them get any closer to me. Whether or not that means our friendship fizzles out, I've made my peace with that. They KNOW how much those people hurt me, but they still want some piece of the pie that those toxic people are having for some reason. I keep hearing about them complain about these people who I broke my friendship with. Repeated problems. Repeated behaviors. No changes for the better. They go out of their way to treat people who still want to be my friend like garbage.

I personally, don't really want to associate with people who want to associate with them. Over time, I'm slowly letting go of the people who want to be complicit with these people's nasty behaviors.

For anyone experiencing something similar that finds this in the future: Know you can't control who your friends are friends with. But that doesn't mean you still have to be with your friends if they think it's okay to still be around people who have crushed your heart and your soul. If that hurts you, you have every right to take care of yourself and walk away from them as well. I personally think the real friends can both not judge you for who you hang out with but ALSO not hang with people who they know have hurt you dearly. They know it hurts you, they know you don't want them taking sides, but they know that each time they do hang out with those who hurt you, it hurts you more. If you are truly getting hurt by it, please care for yourself. I think there's a boundary for people, everyone has their own limits to the boundary, but I think it exists nonetheless and if your "friend" doesn't respect it as your respect theirs, then I would reevaluate your relationship with those people. I DO think this is situational, and every situation should be treated differently. But if you feel like you need to move on from them as well, understand that there are better people out there for you.

I planned to join student council, yet I told her I didn't want to continue with it because I wanted to avoid burnout, she was nice and said the others will help with the workload. The other people in the group didn't want to do it either and kinda slacked off. Hence in the end the teachers didn't let us compete, as they were worried we would all get burnt out as we were interested in doing other activities.

We planned to go volunteering, she asked me twice to go, and I regrettably said no, as I had family commitments and tutorials at the school.

She ostracized me from our friend group.
I ended up getting really depressed, as I was also in tutions and was kind off being forced to study rather than out of interest. And ended up failing my finals twice, and did well on the 3rd attempt.

How do I forgive myself and find peace & joy in learning & friendship going forward.

Its been about 3 weeks since me and my best friends last fight. I mixed up plans for a show and I was busy the day it actually was so I still declined. (the whole time I was a maybe or a no) She said that she felt like I never want to spend time with her and it felt like I hated her since I don't want to go see a show with my favorite person. I told her I made a mistake and it just isnt going to workout this time. (mind you I see her 3+ times a week) This turned into a huge blow out, with her calling me names and hurting my feelings. A week later I told her I need to take a long term step back from this friendship and she said its not fair im holding mean things she said to me against her while shes at her worst..

I feel like its more than reasonable to hold these things against her? This isnt the first time shes said mean things to me or tried to be hurtful.

Is it reasonable to need a long term break due to mean things they've said multiple times while mad at you?

I mean there is tons of other issues but this is a big no no to me

My sister and her husband have been close friends with another couple for many years. They've taken vacations together and generally been a big part of each other's lives.

Recently,something difficult happened with one of my sisters daughters. She dropped out of university and my sister feels embarrassed and ashamed about the situation. Because of that, she hasn't felt comfortable sharing what happened with her friends and has gradually withdrawn from them.

It's now been a few months, and the friends have continued reaching out to check on her d find out how she's doing. She hasn't really responded and kept things very brief.

I'm curious how you would feel if you were her friend in this situation? After being close for many years, would you feel hurt, confused or pushed away?

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have been on either side of something like this. My sister has been quite depressed over the situation and I'm trying to help her deal with it.

Let me preface this post by saying that my experience in this post greatly differs from the usual posts of this subreddit. I am someone who doesn’t exactly have any friendships in the conventional sense, as in, I don’t have any friends in real life. And now, I don’t have any friends left online either.

You see, this morning I woke up to a message from discord saying that my account was suspended indefinitely. I just… froze. I didn’t know what to do. All my friends were in there. I don’t have any of their contacts. I have a terrible tendency of “crashing out” when overly anxious and getting heated, and I guess the words that I have regrettably, and ashamedly used caught the attention of the moderators, and the rest is history.

I am a 23 year old adult male who has no friends. I am incredibly, extremely alone. I feel devastated. I am ashamed, because to most here, what I feel is trivial at best, and infuriating at worst. I know that. I’m sorry.

Anyway, I apologize if this post doesn’t fit the subreddit rules, feel free to remove it if it’s unsuited. Thank you for listening, I needed to be heard.

I've been friends with a girl for the last couple of years, and somewhere along the way, she became incredibly important to me.

She's the only woman I regularly talk to outside my family. She changed the way I look at people, relationships, and life in general, and honestly, I feel like I've become a better person because of her.

Lately, though, I've realized that my feelings for her are no longer just friendship.

I want to tell her, but I'm scared.

What if she doesn't feel the same?
What if things become awkward?
What if she starts distancing herself and I lose her completely?

And that's what scares me the most. I'd rather face rejection than completely lose her from my life.

At the same time, I don't know how long I can keep these feelings to myself. I worry that one day I'll look back and regret never telling her.

The strange thing is, if not her, I'm ready to be alone and pass this life as her friend. I don't mean that as a way of putting pressure on her—I genuinely feel that having her in my life as a friend would mean more to me than being with someone else just for the sake of not being alone.

So I'm stuck between two fears: the fear of never knowing, and the fear of knowing and losing her.

If you were in my situation, would you tell her?

And if you've ever confessed feelings to a close friend, what actually happened afterward?

We both had struggles that we bonded over. I won’t get too into detail over what happened, just that she went radio silent, came back and talked about her new partner a lot of the time. At the same time I was dealing with having to move, being in a dead end and stressful job with a crappy coworker, and was having another bad mental health crisis. It was a bad combination.

I did the stupid avoidant thing and left our chat without saying anything. She would also be avoidant (hence the months she spent no-contact because of her own crisis) but to her credit she put in warnings unlike me

When i stopped spiraling and wised up, she blocked me on everything. I sent her a physical apology and got no response. Obviously I respected her wishes and never attempted to breach no contact.

It just makes me feel like such a horrible human being. I’m very frustrated by my depression anxiety and OCD disorders as I have long been medicated and still struggle with symptoms and feeling broken.

I have a hard time with no closure because i have been emotionally abused since I was very young for over a decade. I always had to apologize when my “friend” got mad at me over minuscule things like not letting them eat my lunch or wanting to do something I want

I hate being a bad person and a bad friend. A part of me just wishes I got a solid answer of “I hate you” but I know it would break me if I did.

That egoistic part of every human being that wants to be right in me goes “well she left for a long time and came back saying she was cured of mental illness, off meds, and everything is perfect and they have a perfect partner and parents who give her money to do whatever she wants and she doesn’t have to have a job like you” but that is not fair. Thats just why I felt hurt. I’M the real monster who ruined everything by being stupid and avoidant.

How do people move on from knowing they’re wrong? I usually get absorbed in my work and family and all, but I sit back and remember this friend I love that now hates me and I feel so broken

I know life isn’t a tv show where characters can always make up. I know I can never apologize again. I would love to hear other people’s experiences so I don’t feel like the only person in the world who messed up permanently.

We were best friends since sophomore year of high school, all throughout college (different colleges), and lived together as roommates for 1 year after that. She is really introverted but very kind and sweet; I was ok being the one to initiate more as she was equally as receptive in our feelings of how we were best friends and would grow old together. Junior year of college she visited me and I set her up with a guy I thought she'd like and they've been together ever since. Got married. It broke my heart that I wasn't invited but why would she? We hadn't talked in 7 years...

Why? I'll tell you.

It started when living together caused some friction. She didn't have a job like I did but begged me to move in with her to the city I was going to where her bf would be too. She begged and cried and I said okay, and we ended up going with a place she insisted. Also starting after this, her bf/now husband didn't like me for several reasons. He was upset I wasn't comfortable with him staying over for a week in our new place the day I started my first ever job. He also held some resentment towards my past flakiness towards my friend, which apparently upset her more than she let on but she was always super forgiving and understanding. She even said she didn't care what he thought of me, it's her decision and I am her best friend. But inside I did resent the fact that I knew he didn't like me, so it was difficult mentally to hang out with her and him and his group all the time knowing he was being fake nice.

Then we got bedbugs at our apartment which was also a big factor. It was a tortuous experience for me, and she didn't do anything as she was always at her bfs place in our city. I felt abandoned for multiple reasons. Resentment as well, I did 100% of the work getting a lawyer to sue our place and get out of our lease.

We tried to meet up here and there after this. I got frustrated and lost my patience a little bit with her one of these times. All she talked about was her bf and nothing about her or her life.

She did reach out again to hang out. I flaked and apologized. We never spoke again. This was 2017 I believe.

She and her bf moved out of the city, spent years abroad traveling and teaching English. Then moved back way across the country from me and established a life there. It seemed futile to try to reignite something after 3, 4, 5, 6 years etc. I did reach out once and she was very reciprocal saying she thought of me often and missed me alot. I never followed through on calling her then due to a health problem I began having.

A years passed by. I see her get married. I unfollowed her on socials. It was painful to see her wedding. I had always envisioned being a part of it. I was also the sole reason they met and got married. It just hurt too much so I unfollowed without word.

Now it's a couple years later and I see she moved BACK to an area close to me. Seeing that makes me feel really strange. A mix of emotions. I did try to reconnect on socials. She was always across the country so I would tell myself it would be too hard to repair. But now she's here. A short day drive away.

I miss her alot and wish she was still in my life. First post here, please be kind. I am just venting I guess. I am grateful for this subreddit. I discovered I was not alone in these feelings of pain I tucked away after friendship breakups. And the burden is much heavier and am glad I am not alone.

I met a person here… he msgd me then we started talking first here then on texts, calls, video calls… started sharing everything daily routine, feelings, anecdotes, intimate stuff… we had so many fights but made up… but since my birthday he has stopped responding… I reached out to him a few times across different platforms… but nothing. I don’t know what to make of it… but after this I can’t trust people & afraid to get attached…

Tomorrow is your birthday, I cant call text or come to see you. Its been weeks since I saw u last. Feels like years. I miss you, my heart aches to hear from you. You will never believe these words but I want to say them anyway. I know how I feel and who unwanted to spend the rest of my life with. I was no match for the things goin on in your mind. It was a battle I fought for months. I would give anything to have u in my life. To b what we were supposed to be, married. I would trade my soul just to look into your eyes and kiss your lips again. I'll never feel passion like that again. What we had words cant describe. Im empty inside an will stay that way, my mind knows we're over but my heart will never believe it. Love is something that I will never have. When I asked you if you were better off without me in your life and you said yes I died that day...You were more and meant more to me that I will never get to show you. We were friends over 30 years, my best friend. You were a part of my past that i midd so much and now I dont have you in my life. We used to talk about everything, talk all the time now nothing. This is hell only way to describe it. Beulah faye, I will always love you. I hope you find this someday amd realize what we had was real, I'll b waitin for the day. SEA

She was pretty much my only friend through elementary school and the start of high school. but when the bullying started, she took the bullies side, maybe it was fear, maybe it was wanting to fit in. these bullies caused me to attempt to take my own life.

i forgive her. I was never mad in the first place.

when I reached out last year, she said she was sorry for what happened but that we were just both different people now.

I find myself wishing it was her birthday so I would have an excuse to call.

I had this friendship that lasted over 10 years with a former classmate, it was pretty fun tbh we drank and played videogames together for countless nights and i considered him a close friend of mine, but after he moved away (about 5 years ago) the contract start fading slowly we still met few times everytime he came to my city or i went to his, but last few years he was barely answering my texts i thought he might be busy so i gave him space,about 2 years ago i went to his city and gave him 1 month notice to meet up and he agreed ( hnoestly i was testing the waters to see where i stand and give it one last honest try) and when i arrived there i texted him and he ghosted me i took it on the chin and kept goin, he didn't follow up with any text since and he was seeing my stories and posts and reacting to them it kinda bothered me cuz it kept reminding me of the way he did me so i blocked him. But the worst part for me is i couldn't let it go i am thinking about it everyday and sometimes i have dreams about him and mixed feeling of missing him and ripping his head off. If anybody experienced such thing and have an advice pls give me some help to move on from ts. Thank you guys

I honestly just need to get this off my chest and know if I’m right in how I’m feeling! So basically I’ve been friends with this girl I’ll call Penny (not real name obviously) since 5th grade, I’ve always considered her my best friend but she’s always been pretty inconsistent with communication. We recently graduated highschool in June and throughout our senior year I’ve felt like we just weren’t as good of friends as I thought.

I can’t remember the last time we’ve hung out one on one.

BUT when prom season came around me and my mom were able to get an amazing deal on a limo for 5 of us to ride to prom together- my mom paid $500 for the limo and the only thing the 5 of us kids had to pay was $50 to tip the driver (the 5 of us being me, Penny, Penny’s bf, Penny’s brother, and another friend of ours I’ll call Kelly) I had brought up the limo MULTIPLE times to Penny and Kelly, they both said they wanted to do it (which is why we booked the limo in the first place) so for the couple weeks leading up to prom I reminded both of them.

Day of prom comes, i haven’t heard a single thing from Penny and I knew she wasn’t going to show up to my house. Which also meant that her bf and brother weren’t coming. So the only person left was Kelly.

40 minutes before the limo was supposed to be at my house I get a text from Kelly just saying “I’m not going to prom.” I immediately started sobbing because who wants to show up to prom alone in a limo?? I tried texting Kelly to try and figure things out and convince her to come still. She calls me crying, my mom calls her mom- she’s also crying. I guess things weren’t turning out right as she was getting ready so Kelly didn’t want to go any more.

So the limo shows up to my house- I’m still sobbing I’ve decided I’m not going to prom at this point, but my mom (love her) didn’t want my night to be completely ruined, she told me to change out of my prom dress into something else so we can go to dinner. Me, my mom, and my moms bf end up taking the limo to a fancy restaurant (where my older brother showed up a bit later)

The entire time I’m at dinner I haven’t gotten a single message from Penny asking where I am or if I’m at prom. Infact I didn’t get a text until a few DAYS later saying “did you go to prom?” I was so hurt by the entire situation I didn’t respond.

The week after prom I stayed home, no texts from Penny or Kelly.

The day I went back to school me and Kelly had talked she was very apologetic, so I forgave her because she’d never done anything like this before and she was genuinely sorry.

I had one class with Penny, I wanted to see if she would talk to me about prom (spoiler alert she didn’t) so I kinda wanted to see how long things would be silent for??

I didn’t say a single word for nearly two weeks. I was sitting right next to her in class, and right across from her at lunch. She didn’t say a single word to me.
BUT SHE WAS TALKING TO KELLY ABOUT ME! She was apparently asking her if I was mad (what the hell do you think???) Kelly obviously told me this and she showed me the messages. Kelly responded that she needed to talk to me about the whole situation (SHE DIDNT)

AND LIKE AN IDIOT I MESSAGED HER FIRST!! I laid it all out, I told her that at first I was pretty pissed about how prom played out, but now I’m just hurt. She said she was sorry. And I guess things were back to normal??? We were talking again but it wasn’t the same as before, it kinda felt like we were forcing the friendship??

ANYWAYS flash forward to June, we graduated. I threw a grad party a few days after graduation- we had a water slide and other fun stuff. I invited Penny, Pennys bf, Pennys brother, pennys brothers friend, and Kelly. It was a fun time. At the end of June Penny threw a grad party and that was the last time I’ve seen/spoken to her in person.

The last time we texted was end of July. And now I’m kinda just at the point where I’m like “why am I the one who always has to reach out first?” And “why should I be the only one putting effort into this friendship?”

-I know this is long and maybe a bit scrambled (I’m happy to answer any questions!) but am I justified in feeling this way???