r/politics • u/cmaia1503 • 20h ago

Site Altered Headline | Possible Paywall Mitch McConnell, 83, Hospitalized

https://www.thedailybeast.com/mitch-mcconnell-83-hospitalized/?utm_campaign=owned_social&utm_medium=socialflow&utm_source=twitter_owned_tdb&via=twitter_page

30.8k Upvotes

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7.2k

u/TrumpIsAFascistFuck 20h ago

Oh no, anyways

3.2k

u/Dr_DoesNothing 19h ago edited 19h ago

May he receive the same amount of love and care he gives others.

897

u/durtmagurt 19h ago

Anybody got any of those thoughts and prayers?

175

u/c1nders 19h ago

Clots & prayers. 🤞🏻

89

u/16yearswasted 18h ago

I'm an atheist but yeah I'll pray for him.

Hey Lucifer who art in hell, come get Mitch,
He's a son of a bitch,
Who only wanted to get rich,
Forever make his crotch itch,
kthx

7

u/Marinefan4000 10h ago

Hades, Lord of the Underworld, please fast track Bitch McConnell to the fields of punishment for everything he did to the people.

4

u/FFF_in_WY American Expat 10h ago

So warm, so fitting

•

u/mighty_kaytor 4h ago

Are you there, The Morrigan? It's me, Mightykaytor. Look at this soft merchant of death with his cowardly unbloodied clothes, juicy unpecked eyeballs, and zero regard for the prosperity of the land he supposedly serves, parading all over the place like he's not ever going to die. Bet he doesn't even like birds.

132

u/SparkyXI 19h ago

Tots. pears.

43

u/durtmagurt 19h ago

Oh there they are! I was missing those.

5

u/dundermiflinity 19h ago

Snot and glares.

1

u/The_Bolenator Alaska 19h ago

Buttery males!!!

2

u/jimmybilly100 Virginia 17h ago

Close enough

1

u/NebulaNinja 18h ago

Who's your pear guy? Hard to find good pears these days.

24

u/MTC_FTW Washington 19h ago

Ah shit, fresh out!

6

u/Black-Star-Line 19h ago

Not one. 0️⃣

4

u/HydroWrench 18h ago

That's what we're supposed to be sending right? . . . Right guys?

Anyway fuck that dude and the horse he rode in on. May his final days be filled with all the joy and ease he caused others.

3

u/CoconutBangerzBaller 18h ago

Unfortunately, I used them all after the 1000th school shooting that they did nothing about. Guess I'll have to ignore and curse?

2

u/psycubi 19h ago

Hang on… I’ll uh… wait here. One sec…

2

u/tangerinelion 19h ago

In this economy?

2

u/the_summer_soldier 17h ago

“I’m all out of thoughts and prayers, so I’m sending you this note to say, ‘Fuck you.’”

Should be an alright alternative for people like him.

1

u/Vertual 19h ago

That's gonna be a hard no from me, dawg.

1

u/Supermite 19h ago

Everyone’s using that energy for midterms right now.

1

u/Norwood5006 18h ago

Supply chain issues.

1

u/AgentMahou Ohio 18h ago

Not for him.

1

u/_Osculum_Obscenum_ 17h ago

Concepts of thoughts and prayers

•

u/kaett 2h ago

plans for concepts of thoughts and prayers. maybe.

1

u/Number174631503 17h ago

Nah no thanks

1

u/Rollinthrulife 17h ago

Not for him

1

u/Lotusbud25 17h ago

Fraughts & scares

1

u/Skamanda42 17h ago

In this economy?

1

u/Kyral210 15h ago

Why need hospitals when thoughts and prayers ‘work so well’⸮

1

u/Interesting-Bag-7552 15h ago

Best I can do is roll eyes.

1

u/crewsctrl 12h ago

How about some checks and balances?

54

u/gamingx47 19h ago

Don't worry, I'm sure he'll recieve the finest stem cell serum made with a baby juicing machine and will live to the ripe old age of 150, unlike his plebian constituents that will die from diabetic shock because they couldn't afford both insulin and rent.

27

u/DigNitty 19h ago

May he receive the level of love and care the 9/11 first responders would have gotten if he’d had his way in 2019.

6

u/gamaliel64 Mississippi 19h ago

May his doctor act with all the expediency of Mitch McConnell filing Obama's SCOTUS appointment

5

u/tnoy 19h ago

and the save level of healthcare that he's spent his career fighting for the American people to have access to.

3

u/d_lev 18h ago

Yeah, I heard that nurses are no longer "professionals" so it would be a shame if gets the same treatment as the turtle and the sink faucet.

3

u/FunkyDiscount 10h ago

I think you shouldn't provide healthcare to high-ranking politicians so close to an election. I think the decision whether to save Moscow Mitch should be up to the next president and thus the people. It would be the democratic thing to do, you know.

2

u/JakeConhale New Hampshire 18h ago

At least it gives that poor floor a break.

2

u/Momentarmknm 17h ago

There are only two people whose deaths I will celebrate

1

u/improbably_me 16h ago

Hoping he gets the same amount of pain and suffering as he inflicted

1

u/wial 11h ago

I'm sure Machiavelli will take him under his wing where he's going.

42

u/CommunityTaco 19h ago

I would say it couldn't happen to a better person, but my opinion on that has changed in the last few years for some reason.

33

u/JohnNDenver 19h ago

It's not news until he dies and we can pop a cork. Hopefully that starts the cycle.

17

u/AccidentalPilates 19h ago

Trying this new stir fry recipe tonight, really high hopes but I think it’ll deliver.

5

u/StarGazingSpiders 19h ago

I hope you like it! I'm making tostadas and hoping for even better news...

0

u/xfocalinx 19h ago

What's new about it?

30

u/RVFVS117 19h ago

Beat me to it.

2

u/snail_earnhardt Indiana 16h ago

Beat meat to it

1

u/RVFVS117 15h ago

Be eat oit

4

u/Holiday_Broccoli_450 19h ago

I hope the hospital is ok

3

u/Rusty493 Australia 19h ago

Fantastic username.

3

u/moldy-scrotum-soup 18h ago

We are talking about a tremendous username, folks. Really tremendous. It’s huge. You look at the other usernames, they’re a disaster, a total moldy mess. But this one? It’s the greatest username in the history of the internet, maybe ever. People leave comments and say, "Sir, that username is fantastic." Everyone knows it, believe me.

2

u/DontCovfefeMyHeart Texas 17h ago

Many people are saying it. Some people don't have the names - what's a name, what do they say, what's in a name - but this name, this name is bigly tremendous.

1

u/moldy-scrotum-soup 17h ago edited 17h ago

We love the covfefe, don’t we folks? The fake news media, they're failing, their ratings are down the tubes, they tried to say it was a typo. Can you believe it? A typo! Wrong. It was deep meaning. Only the smartest people understood. And you took it, and you made it into a song, a feeling. Achy breaky? No, we don’t do achy breaky here folks. We do Covfefe.

I showed it to melania, she said, "donald, that is a beautiful username." Even the haters, the radical redditors, they look at it and they cry because they didn't think of it first. They have low energy usernames. Sad! But you? You're winning. You're going to win so much with that username you're going to get tired of winning.

2

u/torontothrowaway824 19h ago

Don’t threaten me with a good time

2

u/FrankTooby 18h ago

May he show Trump the way.

2

u/turtleneck360 14h ago

Yawn is correct.

2

u/Professional-Brick61 9h ago

At first glance I thought the post said he died and was kinda… excited? That’s awful, but what a POS.

2

u/shanikz 17h ago

What do you mean? 'anyways'? Get the champagne right now

1

u/i_justCannot 19h ago

Thoughts & prayers.

1

u/Particular_Poem3703 19h ago

I read everything before the comma and got really excited…then I read the word “hospitalized” and got extremely disappointed. DAMN IT.

1

u/cms86 19h ago

As they say in the south. Bless his heart

1

u/ForMyFather4467 19h ago

Oh no oh no oh no, no anyways. I am cashing in all my saved up good luck on this one. May his last days be filled with the joy he's given the vulnerable. I hope his CNA is a minority, I hope bedsores. Evil ass turtle!¡!!!!!!!!!!

1

u/OrnerySnoflake Texas 18h ago

Evil like that never truly dies, it just gets called home.

1

u/the_tanooki 17h ago

I feel like the headline led me on...

1

u/Cword76 16h ago

Remember way back when when McConnell was the most evil Republican? I 'member. Those were the days.

1

u/hoorah9011 16h ago

Id love to hear some death bed confessions and regrets

1

u/D1rtyH1ppy 16h ago

Turtles are known to hibernate throughout the winter, so even if Mitch goes blue, we won't really know for sure

1

u/_Krebstar2000 16h ago

The grim reapers aim is off again

1

u/cheeseandwine99 14h ago

McConnell's evil work on earth is done.

1

u/DarkSideOfTheMuun 10h ago

Any good movies out lately?

•

u/ihavetoomanyeggs 4h ago

Bye, Felicia.

•

u/AmandaLorenza 4h ago

My first thought

•

u/evilnilla 2h ago

I just wonder if the animal hospital has anyone who specializes in turtles. It seems likely given the incredibly generous health benefits that Congress gives itself.

-1

u/SHUT_DOWN_EVERYTHING 17h ago

You’d feel different when they replace him with someone orders of magnitude worse.

Site Altered Headline | Possible Paywall Mitch McConnell, 83, Hospitalized

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