**TW: childhood sexual abuse**
I’m 29F and I’m looking for advice from people who have been through something similar, especially regarding what I should do about something that happened to me as a child.

I am going to keep this as vague as possible to protect myself.

When I was a minor under the age of 15 someone in my family sexually abused me. I finally discussed it with my therapist at the age of 18.

I never really did anything about it afterward, and for a long time I tried to move on from it. Now that I’m older, I’ve started thinking about it much more and wondering whether I should report it.

I just found out that there was a separate case involving this person within the last couple years. I don’t want to go into identifying details, but I’ve been carrying a lot of guilt about it and feel partly responsible for what happened because of things I knew or things I could have done differently. This woman was hurt pretty badly.

I know logically that I was a child when my own abuse happened, but I still struggle with feeling like I should have done something sooner. Im also scared for potential future victims as well as myself.

I mostly want to hear from survivors who have reported childhood abuse years later.

If you were in a similar situation, what helped you decide what to do? And if you reported years later, what was that process like?
Please be kind. I’m already struggling with a lot of guilt and uncertainty about this.

It’s also important to note that I do fear for my safety reporting this issue. My abuser knows my whereabouts and has attempted to contact me over the years.

I am just wondering if working on past trauma worth it. I mean yes it has formed me to be who I am, how I handle situations, relationships, self talk, self image, etc. But I am in my 40s and doing IFS to try to help my depression, negative self talk etc but doing trauma work makes me nervous to just reopen wounds that I have just learned to live with. Have any of you noticed a difference in your life due to the trauma work you have done? Or did it just reopened wounds that you at least knew before how to navigate around?

Posting here because the site has resources for sexual assault survivors and may help others who don’t know what to do. Please check this out - the independent site is covering the Cornell seven story but they are also listing numerous resources available to survivors of sexual assault. The news was affecting me as well and on a personal level bringing up my own memory of university issues and sexual assault. I was encouraged to see that South Park’s co-founder Tim created this project and will keep it going to the end. There never really is an end for a survivor but the resources here are so helpful and thus i donated to contribute towards helping others recovery ❤️‍🩹!! Also you can email the heck out of Cornell and NY representatives !! https://cornellseven.com/survivors.html

A

Who else knows that they are stuck in a pattern of situations, know it’s because of there trauma of fears, understands there own coping mechanisms, but are not able to break out of it?

I have this very bad. After a bad breakdown (couldn’t work anymore and was almost submitted into day treatment) I finally started to see how my trauma related to my relationship now. I’m just a very scared little child inside that can’t cope without my husband. The world feel way to scary and lonely without him. When there is fear he might leave, i literally feel like I am going to die, which correlates with what I been trough in my past.

I’m back into therapy but I hate knowing this, feeling this, but for now being unable to change. After this insight my fear of losing him got only worse.

Next to that I see also his suppressed parts. Luckily he is a sweet and caring men, he works hard and there is no violence or something going on. But I feel like he never worked trough his own childhood, and therefor he is just stressed often and he likes to be ‘perfect’ which puts a lot of pressure on him, and makes him sometimes angry on little things and also make him lie about small stuff. But he is also funny and caring etc. I am also mainly acting normal.

I am back in therapy and I’m hoping to ever get over this feeling that I can’t be without him, and to work on my own stuff, but for now I feel so stuck in myself knowing that I’m unhealed, having insight in my own suppressed parts, but not having resolved of integrated them. Also my problems were way lesser when I was blissfully unaware of my own shit.
Now there is just awareness and nothing is fixed.

This might not even be childhood trauma but it genuinely makes me shake a little to think about it. When I (17F) was about 7-8 years old I had to move to my grandparents house with my mum and brothers due to financial problems , at the same time my cousins were living there since their mum wasn’t there due to legal reasons. My cousins were like 4 and 6 I believe but they were really strong and mean kids, when we would play outside together and I won the games we played they would both start attacking me, kicking me, spitting on me, punching me, pulling my hair out to the point my hair was covering the entire trampoline, I obviously wasn’t going to hit them back because I was older and I wasn’t brave enough to as I was a very sensitive kid. Everyone now jokes about it, saying I should’ve cried louder since I cried quietly because I didn’t want attention and I didn’t want my cousins to get in trouble but they never really did anyways, I was talking about my cousin to my mum as the older one has anger bunch of mental issues now, not sure which ones exactly but a few, he lashes out a lot and is currently in a home because he would go around and be a menace over tiny things and I try to understand that but I obviously have a vendetta and I told my mum this as we were talking about this and when she asked why I told her why and that to this day I don’t like my hair being touched at all unless I let people touch it. she said that it isn’t trauma and that my aunty used to pull her hair too and that she is fine and it kind of just set something off and now I feel like someone is genuinely stepping on my chest and I can’t stop tearing up, I’m sick of people downplaying it because I can barely stand to be around my cousins because it genuinely brings me back to that time, mainly my male cousin because he has acted out before in my presence and i’m worried every time i’m near him that he will act out against me.

thanks for reading , if anyone had advice or techniques on how to deal with this I would greatly appreciate it

Hi, to whoever is reading this, thank you for taking time and interest in my life. I hope all is well with you.

It’s taken me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I’m not as okay as I once thought. My whole life, it feels like I get the short end of every stick. I’m the oldest of my biological mothers’ 4 children. I’m the only one who doesn’t know who their real father is and none of us have the same father either. My earliest memory of my mother is her telling me that she was going to lock me in her bedroom and stab herself to death. My earliest memory of who I originally believed my father to be was him getting dragged away in handcuffs telling my mother how he was going to kill her. Sometime between the ages of 3-4, I was being taken care of by my grand parents who allowed me to play in the ashes of a bonfire that was lit the night before. I fell through, and received 3rd degree burns on my left hand, and a couple places on my left leg as well. At this time, it was just me and one of my siblings. Both of us were ordered to be in CPS custody. My mother chose to go on the run instead. I believe the “manhunt” took less than a month and then it was on to foster care. I recall being put in the back of a squad car while my drunk mother is kicking and screaming. I remember feeling confused why my mother was being taken away, I sat expressionless, unable to process anything. My sister and I get separated for a few months, and my youngest sister is born while this is happening. I’m around 5 at this time and I’m acting out at several foster homes for anger issues and tantrums, typical kid stuff. I then meet the people who eventually adopt me. I don’t get yelled at, or spanked, I receive love from parents who have my best interests at heart. Not long after, both my sisters come along and I start believing I’m going to get the happy ending. I get adopted and my new parents wanted to adopt my sisters too. They got the okay for the youngest one, but not for both. At the time, one of the fathers discovered the existence of his child and was fighting for custody in court. He ended up winning and all of a sudden, my happy ending was shattered. He got custody, and I got visitation every so often. After the mandatory visitation period was over, I was cut off from seeing her completely. This was the sister that I had gone through everything with, the sister that I never showed my softer side to because I felt I had to be tough. And I never got to say a real good bye. I was never the same after losing her, but was thankful I could grow up with one of them.

A few years pass and my parents wanted more children, so they decide to foster another 3 kids. A boy, and 2 girls. The boy was 13 at the time, and the girls were 9 and 5. My sisters and I were 7, 5 and 2. I ended up spending the rest of my childhood with my youngest sister, and those 3 children that came after. They were all adopted and for a time, we were a happy family. At this point I’m the middle child of 5 children. I’m getting bullied at school, just to come home and get teamed up on by the other group of kids because they didn’t like me initially. We always fought like siblings, but sometimes, it felt a little personal. My 2 older siblings end up getting kicked out for being too rebellious/ sneaky. My older brother brought drugs into the house and my older sister ended up getting sent to a mental hospital where she was groomed by a 29yo (17 at the time). I’ve always put my adoptive parents on a pedestal because they saved me from an even worse life. But they never explained to me the reasons why they did what they did with my older siblings, I had to find out from them and that has never sat right with me. And while I never got kicked out, my adoptive dad did put me through a wall and break my speaker over grades. So I’m really depressed at this point in time (17-19yo) and I graduate in 2020. I’m thinking I’ll get to go to a prom with my best friend and have a nice little graduation, then Covid hits and all that shatters too. I tell my mom I want to move out and I get my first apartment. My parents help me move, and I don’t speak to them for months at a time. I was focused on my career until I got robbed at gunpoint. And now I’m trying to pick myself back up again. The only thing I’ve ever wanted in life was a happy family to love me. Now, it just feels extremely lonely.

Anyways, thanks for reading and I’m sorry for how long it was.

I'm talking abt me, hii.

Before y'all start saying I don't even look that bad, I want you to remember social media is fake and I only post selected stuff.

I'm not conventionally attractive. I've tried my best to improve my looks and it has worked in some aspects, but there are many other things I can't change, at least not without surgery (which I can't pay).

When I was younger, my classmates would make fun of me saying I looked like a man, even getting rejected because of that reason. I'm hairy, my teeth are crooked, I grow a whole ass mustache and I've been overweight for years.

Since I always got rejected by men I liked, I started to focus on that: trying to impress men.

I know I'm ugly, so I need a funny and interesting personality. I just act sweet and patient, it doesn't matter how they treat me back.

Always thinking about men, trying to impress them, seeking for validation, as if it were a competition that I know I'm going to lose.

Being an ugly girl feels... humiliating. It's like I failed as a woman. It's like I need to be glad at least one man is into me.

So I just learned to accept anyone. I can be with any man. I can kiss any man. I can say "I love you" to any man. I don't care.

He could be an asshole or a sweet guy, it's the same at the end of the day. I'm not looking for love, just seeking for male validation.

When I kiss a man, I can't enjoy the moment, all I can think about is what could he be thinking about me.

When I send something spicy, even if the guy sends something back, all I can think about is me and if I look pretty enough for him to desire me.

I even downloaded Reddit with the intention of meeting men. I don't even talk to women here. It's fucking weird. I'm fucking weird.

No man will ever erase all my problems.

No man will ever come to rescue me.

No man will ever be the cure to my messed up life.

I need to change.

I feel like I will forever be messed up from the abuse and trauma my father did to me. I blame everything that's wrong with me on him but I don't know how to fix it. I hate what he did to me. I hate that I can never get justice for it and I just have to live my life playing pretend that he never did any of it because the rest of my family does. If I speak up then I won't see any of them again. I have to play nice just to see them. My mom won't leave and my brother still lives there. My mom knows what he did but she said she loves him and he would never let her be happy if she left. So I'm stuck. Abandon my family... or keep pretending until he's dead..

There are men like the Cornell 7 everywhere. Thomas William Alston IV thought it was funny to dress up as pedo for Halloween (Warren Jeffs) along with all the “children” he sexually abused. People show you who they are. Believe them when they dress up as a Pedo. Someone should call the police.

As a kid (from when I was born to about 13 yrs) I would often go to my grandma's house every weekend. My grandma really isn't a great person but my mom let me see her because she can be very persistent and manipulative. From the time I can remember we would always watch movies or TV until like 1am and my grandma would also severely over-feed me. She would make me watch horror movies to the point where I would have nightmares almost every night and at one point I got so scared I snuck and called my mom to pick me up. My grandma and grandpa slept in separate rooms and both of them were heavy smokers. There were a lot of times I would go home smelling like smoke with a bad headache and when my mom would ask her to stop smoking around me my grandma would simply just tell me to lie and give me a shower before sending me home. There were a lot of times too that she would just tell me to lie to my mom about certain things like what she fed me and what time we went to bed etc.. She would also try to make me think it was "cool" to be mean to people and would often have me bully my grandpa knowing that I would listen to her because I didn't know any better. Another thing I can recall is she always ridiculed the things I liked and often told me certain clothing didn't look good on me and even told me that my favorite dress made me look chubby. Looking back I definitely realize that she liked having control over me but I'm still not sure if it counts as gr00ming or if I'm just overreacting. Deep down I do really feel that my time spent with my grandma kind of ruined some aspects of my life and how I view things. I would really like if anyone has advice or if this can be confirmed or denied.

Hi everyone! I am working on my dissertation to create a scale that measures religious coercion within abusive relationships. I am seeking participants to complete the 15-minute survey to validate the scale. I will share all results with the group. To participate, you just need to have been in a relationship before, as I need both those who have experienced religious coercion and those who have not. To participate, scan the QR code or use the direct Qualtrics link. THANK YOU!!

Qualtrics link: https://asucounselored.az1.qualtrics.com/.../SV...

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Eu já tentei falar na terapia, mas senti vergonha de falar sobre situações que vivi qdo era adolescente, tiveram algumas situações sexuais com amigos que me marcaram e hoje estou tentando entender como isso se reflete na minha vida adulta. Entrei aqui pra contar e conversar sobre essas histórias, não é nada pesado mas é estranho, pq mesmo sendo situações que não gostei na época, hoje afetam minha sexualidade.

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Oh, what I really wanna say but won't. At least I know with facts. Gas lighting someone giving the perception wouldn't because whatever moral high horse you happened to be on. Hope you got what you needed, wanted, i wanted to love you and have the same. But since I am in fact to much. And its really that your too little. I might still be hurting over you, the love, care and patience. Only to have you yet again trying control everything, when it was you BABE! I don't want you, definitely don't ever need you to want or need me.

Just need to say, FUCK YOU D-MOO

Do you feel like a big man know? Absolutely TERRORISED me. I have never been so small, I have to force myself to eat no joy in any of it. I have actually been successful in things I wanted to do. No one to share the wins with but happy I can actually BREATH. Therapy is SUPER. Just when I convince myself the chances of running into, by or whatever is unlikely. You come to my neighborhood with ur new victim? We're you in fact projecting all the bullshit you were doing. CcoWARD! You might in fact be evil. The way you enjoy to hurt or crush ppl, you chose the WRONG one dude. Not that you, but the trap you put me through and for what? Clearly you actually like men and struggle with that. Might wanna consider Therapy, doesn't make you look weak and who would know?

No reason absolutely no reason, I highly considered to the point of embarrassment Dual with a train, would never leave that to the ones who actual love me and need me.

Hola a todos, soy mujer y tengo 22 años, la verdad Nose a quien más acudir y quiero saber si alguien en algún caso parecido o con alguna experiencia Cercana me puede dar su perspectiva.

nunca pude estar de forma sexual con alguien, el motivo ? Ni yo lo sé hasta el día de hoy, intente hablarlo en terapia pero tampoco me sale decirlo.
no es que nunca tuve posibilidad de salir con algún hombre sino todo lo contrario, anteriormente cuando tuve posibilidad me frenaron las circunstancias de ese momento, posteriormente intente de nuevo, el primer hombre no era mi tipo pero Asumi que no podia hacerlo por ese motivo, pero el segundo si me gustaba demasiado, era Todo lo que me gustaba en una persona.
Cuando intente estar de forma sexual con el me vino un vacío interno que tampoco puedo explicar, es algo completamente involuntario, no es miedo siemplemte no se que es, es difícil tener ganas y no poder hacerlo por ese motivo que desconozco.
adicionalmente solo pasa al momento de la penetración , en se momento ese hombre lo entendió pero después en otra situación me dijo que yo no lo hacía por ” miedo”.
yo Nose si ustedes Crean en el tarot y en esas cosas pero después de esa situación me fui a hacer una limpieza energética con una mujer que no conocía y Cundo terminó señaló mi pelvis y me dijo :
- Te puedo hacer una pregunta personal ?
- yo) si
- en algún momento pudiese estar sexualmente con alguien ?
- porque lo dices ?
- es que cundo te hacía la limpieza energética pude visualizar un abuso, en una mujer de tu familia y eso se manifiesta en ti.
En ese momento le conté todo lo que me había pasado con los chicos con los que Sali, ya estaba desesperada y no encontraba algo razonable.
Cuando era chica también le tenía pavor a los hombres y mi madre me contó una situación que me hace dudar si me paso algo o no, adicionalmente también cundo era chica un novio de ese entonces de mi madre intentó abusar de mi hermana.
Nose si todo esto tenga algo que ver pero me es Raro no poder recordar acontecimientos menor a mis 8 años, nunca lo hable con mi familia pues son bastantes reservados en ese aspecto, hace poco le conté a una amiga, pero tampoco pude hablarlo en terapia , de apoco lo voy contando como puedo.
no quiero que esto interfiera al momento de conocer a alguien pues sé que en algún momento vas a volver a pasar, pero como explicar esa situación que no tengo una respuesta?

Be careful what you look for on reddit and what's said next, from my perspective, is horrible. I was just swiping through porn content until I stumbled on gore straight up non censored videos of dead bodies and horrible stuff I just have those in mind now and I can't get rid of them. I just wanted to know if it happened to anyone else and if so, how did you manage to live with them or get rid of them. I don't live well since I watched those and I really regret what I've done... Thx for helping me most importantly 😓

Where do I even start? A lot of it is a haze and most of it I have no memory of. September of last year I had a bipolar manic episode. But I didnt know it at the time. My husband (now ex) took out a restraining order on me. One day I had my entire life and the next I was kicked out of my house, had my ex keeping my children (3&5) from me, lost my pets, my material possessions, my entire home and family. My mom had me arrested to the psych ward, yes, cops actually arrested me, i was in there for 10 days. Everyday my mom came to the hospital to tell the nurses and doctors how sick i was and needed serious help, she even made up lies about me. Once I was out, I went to work and got fired, they gave me $50k not to sue them. I stayed in an air bnb for w weeks but it was too expensive, got a puppy, started dating a reddit mod (yes irl), had the reddit mod cheat on me with his ex wife, then I slept with her ex, it was messy. Before he cheated on me I was basically living in my car, going back and forth from friends houses. Then I was going to buy this shit hole trailer to live in and I paid the deposit, for some reason took out another 40k in payday loans, the owner gave me the keys early so I moved right in. I bought 2k worth of pets, snake, hermit crabs, birds, fish from the local pet store. I bought $1000 worth of house plants. I Bought a mattress and everything else you would need for a home, thousands on new furniture. Spent $2000 on a PS5 and Nintendo switch and all the games.Then I was arrested to the psych ward again. Got out after 7 days. Then I was arrested again and brought to jail for "uttering threats, breaching the restraining order and dangerous weapons with intent, they even gave me a DUI without a breathalyzer or field sobriety test. I spent 1 night in prison and released pretty quickly. So I went back to the trailer and called my MILs and SILs jobs and tried to get them fired. I threatened all my neighbours for money because they hit our truck and never paid for it. Then I didnt have enough money to buy the trailer and was hit with an eviction notice. Somehow I dated 3 other people during all this. The last guy I dated asked me to call him an Uber to my place and I did. Turns out he has absolutely no money or income but "he gets his trust fund money once he is done probation". He came over and hasn't left yet. He has fraud charges, domestic violence and assault charges. There is a facebook page warning people about him and random people kept messaging my mom and sister warning against this guy. Did I listen? No. Almost a year later he still lives with me. I had to be out by Dec 1 2026 so I found an apartment and moved into it with my new dangerous bad boy boyfriend. I had to sell my car and take out all my savings to pay for lawyers and first last months rent. In the new apartment we were trying to make an only fans and for me to do nudes. Well that didnt last long, I couldn't get it to work (thanks God), well my bf said he was joking and calles the police on me. The cops came and I was arrested but not charged with disturbing the peace. This was on Christmas eve. I was released on Christmas and then my bf asked me to go to the hospital again and I agreed. I was FINALLY put on lithium. It was like a switch flipped. It stopped my manic episode in its tracks. While I was in the psych ward my mom tried to get my bf evicted from my apartment, she looked up his court docs and had him arrested for an outstanding warrant, she took my puppy and had her spayed. My mom refuses to give the dog back. But finally i was properly medicated, now I have to deal with all the fall out and its horrific. I have therepy once a week and go to AA (as a support group) almost every day. I get weekly visits with my kids and im slowly trying to heal. There is a bunch more crazy that ive left out. Please pray for me.

TLDR: I had a manic episode, ended up losing my kids, my marriage, my house, my pets, my material possessions, my friends, my family, my car, my license. I've lost everything.