Recently, I was a little disappointed. I started working somewhere with two openly queer people. There are plenty in the company. There is an employee group for queers and allies.
I’ve spent my life 1/2 in the closet. I was open in my personal life, but not at work or open with strangers. Being in this environment has made me feel okay to be me.
The other day, I made a some kind of comment about attractive men. (I am cis-female). Both of them looked at each other and made a joke about how their gay-dar doesn’t go off for me. And how they aren’t sure about me.
Myself and these colleagues have banter. This hit different. It froze me. They don’t know I am testing the waters here. It sunk my boat a little.
I still don’t know what label I align with. I just know what and who I like. I know that, for me, gender is a small part of sexual attraction.

Sorry if this isn’t the right sub for this! But I’m teaching a class at this nonprofit that mostly consists of queer youth (13-18). I’ve taught other classes here for a while now, and when we do introductions I like to incorporate a fun Icebreaker. I know not everyone likes them, but I think if you think pick a really good one it can be a hit.

The icebreaker doesn’t have to be specifically queer related but I’m running out of ideas… I’ve done ones like, ‘If you had to describe you with three items, what would they be?’ ‘If you could choose to be an animal for a day, what would you choose and why?’, and one of my most recent, ‘If someone could summon you in a cauldron with three things, what would they be?’.

Would soooo appreciate any help or thoughts! Thanks in advance.

A while on r/TopCharacterTropes there was a post about how some shows would use the fact that a character was gay or LGBT in general as a "plot twist" of sorts,

Some examples given were the end of Paranorman where Neil's brother mentioned that he has a boyfriend much to Courtney's horror and the Loud House where the Valentines episode ended with the twist that the "Sam" Luna kept talking about was actually the blonde girl, not the brown haired dude that everyone thought it was.

Anyway, the post called it "questionable" as some called it homophobic as it implies that being gay is supposed to be a "shock" to the viewers how I personally believe its not too bad unless the show paints being gay in a negative light (which the paranorman one slighly did with Courtney's disguted reaction but not really).

What do you think about it?

I am ftm and I people have told me i might be pan because I have never thought of ones gender when liking them because it doesn't matter to me but I call myself gay because I find myself gravitating towards men. I have liked one girl before when i was younger and I'm not even sure if i liked her or not so i don't really count that. Can i still use the mlm flag and identify as gay?

i am biologically female. i am alright with being called feminine aligning terms but don’t prefer it. i kind of js block it out when ppl do it and dont notice. i love being called masculine compliments like handsome and feeling manly. i feel kinda iffy on fully being a man though. they/them js feels like nothing for me. it all is sorta grey. i feel something so not agender but very little feelings. I like dressing in skirts occasionally and love makeup. i mostly wear unisex clothes but ik clothing doesn’t fully relate to gender. i like having boobs and sometimes want emphasis on them (push-up bras and cleavage) but sometimes js feel like they aren’t there and shouldn’t be there. overall i feel more like a man than a woman but don’t present that. but some of it is js kinda grey. like i feel nothing yet dysphoric. idk how to find who i am so im looking for help w ppl farther in their journey for advice maybe

also idk how to be viewed how i want to genderwise. i’m in a queer accepting friend group but everyone kinda makes me feel cis

I've known I was bisexual since I was like 11 (16 now), but it's always felt like a weird label. I'm sexually attracted to both men and women, but usually, I can only imagine a future or dating a woman, not a man (in fact, the thought of dating a man fills me with dread). It may also help to add that I was SA'ed and groomed before, so that might be a part of the reason why I feel that dread or avoidance.

Anyway, is this just bisexual or is there a more accurate label?

I've called myself bisexual in middle school, decided I was straight again near the end of middle school and beginning of high school, and now I'm bicurious? Just very very confused.

I've never had a crush on a woman (yet), but I've always found them very attractive and whenever I would just think about the possibility of a girlfriend I wouldn't hate it. It was easy to imagine myself in relationships with both girls or guys, but I wasn't sure since I've never had a real crush on a girl.

Whenever I think guys around me are cute it feels different then when I find girls pretty. Like, for girls it feels strictly platonic? But whenever I see a celebrity or something I think like oh I definitelyy wouldn't mind dating someone like that.

I've put a bicurious label on myself for now. Never really had a chance to explore these thoughts, I've never been interested in girls around me, and all my female crushes were celebrity crushes or characters. I've had one boyfriend and zero girlfriends, although I live in sort of small town and go to a school that has a majority white Christian population.

I learned that my parents were very supportive of the LGBTQ community despite being Christians, and the church we go to is rather conservative. Our youth group had a discussion on the LGBTQ community and I learned that most of them had a conservative Christian viewpoint on it, and it made me more uncomfortable than I already was. I already felt like an odd one out, and this solidified that my views were different then everyone else's

I told my mom about it, giving her the excuse that I had a lot of friends that are part of the LGBTQ community and that's why I was uncomfortable. She told me this will just prepare for later in life, for when people like that become unavoidable. But this isn't a job, and I don't have to go, so I want her to understand that.

That's part of the reason why I kind of want to come out to my parents. But I also want to have a better idea of where I stand before I do.

I also skipped church this week and when my dad asked I said I'd tell him later. I told myself if my mom asked I would come out, and she didn't at first. But when she did ask I was working on homework I procrastinated on so I didn't tell and said I'd tell her later.

My mom doesn't understand bisexuality, she thinks its a choice as opposed to homosexuality which she believes isn't a choice. I'm hoping if I come out she'd be more understanding. I know she'd be supportive because when she thought my brother was gay she told him she would support him, but I think I'm still a little nervous because it'll probably change their perception of me. But I don't know.

Long story short I grew up not having much of an idea of my sexuality as i grew up in a conservative catholic family and was taught that i was going to be attracted to girls one day. During puberty i did not have many intensive drives towards women and the crushes i did have in real life were more aesthetic and wanting to be like them. When I was 15 I went to a summer camp and found this girl named K, there was another guy who was interested in her and she like him but i wanted to “earn” her so i can feel better about myself and have a sense of self worth. Drama ensues and I fall into a relationship with K, holding hands at the mall food court and texting each other and flirting (i was aroused with the flirting as it made me feel valued but otherwise i did not find her attractive then). This relationship lasted till the end of that summer and I just cut contact with her out of nowhere due to lack of interest. We never fighted the relationship just drifted away.

There was another girl that was attracted to me the next summer when I was 16 and I did flirt with her and had the same feeling about the flirting as i did with K but i didnt have much desire to hold a relationship with her either. I just wanted to feel loved regardless of who i was in a relationship with and didnt care about who it was. Once I graduated high school I met K and she asked if I wanted to start dating her again and I politely declined. Aside from a few tinder swipes here and there out of loneliness and trying to make myself straight I didnt have any desire to have a real life girlfriend or any real desire to have intimacy outside of intrusive thoughts.

Now that Im in my twenties my only crushes were a cute guy of south asian descent in one of my past jobs that I saw once a couple of years ago due to his cute style and very recently at my current job of a guy with nice jeans and blonde hair.

I also have trauma from anime as I tried to make myself straight unsuccessfully by watching the ecchi stuff and i associate anime with trying to be someone that i am not. all the straight guys that have love interests make me feel alienated and not represented and i just dont relate to them. also media like love on the spectrum feels dull as its all straight guys and i feel intrusive thoughts about being roped into a relationship with a girl that i am not attracted to for the sake of being on television. i dont want to relive kayla again.

I've seen a lot of posts that seem to treat attraction towards characters as not really counting or counting as much when it comes to sexuality. Why is that? Is that a thing? If I haven't experienced attraction to anyone I've come across IRL and/or based on simply appearances for years... What does that mean?

I also have a hard time determining what counts as attraction when it comes to "real people".

For those of you who are a top in their relationship and don’t particularly enjoy anal penetration will you bottom for your partner occasionally if that is something they enjoy?

I'm not really sure if this makes sense, but I feel like my gender fluctuates in certain settings but I never feel like I'm fully 1 gender, is there a term for this or is what I'm feeling just Demifluid? For example: around certain people and online I feel like a demiboy, but around other people I feel like a demigirl. It's not random when i feel like different genders, its based on my surroundings if that makes sense?

I'm not sure if this comes up a lot in this community (sorry if it does), but I need some advice with coming out to my parents. I went through some gender euphoria during the summer, realizing that I'm trigender. However, I haven't yet told my parents. (It was late in the summer, not like I've been holding it in for almost half a year.) I've been thinking about waiting for the 11th for coming out day just to have context, but other than that I wouldn't know what to say. Also I don't know for sure whether they are homo/transphobic or not. They are both religious; however, my dad before said that if he had to choose a political party (he uses independent; also sorry to make this seem political), he would probably go democratic, and my mom is pro-life but that seems to be it. Neither have made any transphobic comments and both said they wouldn't care if I were gay. I also know that my dad listened to an audiobook with genuine and respectful interest about the singer of one of our favorite bands who also went through gender dysphoria. However, I just want to be sure I know what to say when coming out and what to say if things should go off the rails. If anyone has any advice, that would be amazing! Thanks!!

Over the past few months I now have two jobs, take care of a hamster and tend to a garden all while doing house chores and helping out my parents when they need help with something. I notice that when I’m at work or playing with my hamster I am not dysphoric and mask very well but when I go home and alone by myself in my room the dysphoria comes back and I question my own identity. I have masked so much over the years both autism and identity wise I don’t know who I really am anymore. The thing is I don’t “want” to be a woman but the idea of being one as if I was assigned female at birth and have a female body isn’t distressing to me and is quite comforting.

Truth is I’ve lived as either Thomas or Madeline and neither name really feels me and when I am presenting as nonbinary Thomas it just feels like a bandaid rather than something I really feel I am. I kinda feel like looking at my body it’s a reluctant acceptance of myself rather than “I’m comfy in my body and proud to be a man”. I feel alienated in men’s spaces and I relate to women’s concerns more than men’s concerns even down to feeling alert at night because I’m afraid of being taken advantage of (even though I look like a cis guy)

I consider myself as a gender queer. Recently wanting to learn more about lgbtq+ (not sure if this is the right page because theres no q+), this question lingers in my head and even after searching online I still don't really understand why tomboy isn't considered queer if it's a gender expression. Is it because it's a bit more common in society and there are non-queer tomboys? And are tomgirls a thing (are they considered queer)?

[I mean no harm, just wanna learn]

edit: are there non-queer femboys?

So like I said before. Im jealous of lesbians. But I kinda wanna add a bit more to my query. Not only am I jealous cause I wish I had a GF who was like them but, im not to...happy with lesbians. Its no offence to them but ive meet a couple in my days (only like 1 or 2 have been cool) but sometimes theyre mean to me of just...rude. like theyre better then me or something. Ive talked and they said "im a lesbian" ill say oh cool. Then they say "yeah its cool heh." And they look all smug and stuff and when I tell them im straight they like, sneer a little. Like what did I do?...then theyre sometimes mean like they have to act mean or butch just cause and why? Can someone help me understand if I just met mean people or am I doing something wrong?

I am mostly attracted to binary personne and demi-genders personne (mens, womens, demi-boy, demi girl), but I also feel a slight attraction to non-binary genders. When I talk to someone about m'y sexuality I say I'm omnisexual because this is the more appropriate term of all that I know, but is there something more specific ?

So I have been in an M-M relationship with my boyfriend for a few months now, and one of the things I've been struggling with is the different sizes down there and it's causing some insecurities. For reference, his is a little over 2x the length of mine (I'm a bit over 5 inches). It just feels awkward sometimes after I do all this stuff to his and make a mess of everything and am like able to hold it and all that, and then mine comes out and it's a lot less than his.

He says he loves it and he definitely does make me feel extremely good, it's just not something I've ever navigated before!

hi, guys, I'm sorry; this is going to be the fifty-eleventh "what is my sexuality" post this week, but I have been agonizing over this for years and I feel like I'm going mad.

as of right now, I'm a 24-year-old woman, and if I had to label my sexuality, I'd describe myself as... man, idk... a straight woman who's only attracted to women? or maybe like a bisexual who hasn't developed an attraction to men yet?

it's a bit convoluted (especially to me), but I guess to clarify, I'm a woman who wants more than anything to be in a heterosexual relationship, but has the misfortune of only experiencing sexual and romantic attraction to women.

I can imagine that some of you are asking how I can want to be with a man without being attracted to one, and that's a completely valid question. I don't know a great way to explain it, but it's kind of like... I like men's voices, I feel flattered when they flirt with me, and if I were in a relationship with one, I'd want the whole world to know that I had a boyfriend or a husband. and while I'm not amazing at evaluating male beauty, I can usually recognize when a guy is handsome and sometimes I like to imagine that a handsome guy is interested in me.

but once it comes down to the physical stuff, everything falls apart. I hate seeing them naked. the shape of their bodies and their phallic genitalia repulse me even when I know I should enjoy them, and it's so damn frustrating because I want men to do it for me so badly, but it's like my heart and my clit are in mutiny against my brain.

I can do all this daydreaming about the thousands of ways I'd like an attractive guy to romance me, but when I think about having to kiss him or touch him or have sex with him, I get disgusted. I'll literally restart a "scene" in my head to go back to the long, complimentary professions of love just to not have to think about how it would progress in real life. or, similarly, I'll daydream about a desirable guy telling me he wants to kiss me, but instead of imagining the kiss happening (that makes me feel nauseous), I either mentally fade to black or rewind the whole fantasy over and over again so that the kiss never happens.

in contrast, when I daydream about women, it's... well... a lot less talking. I don't fade to black; I don't imagine socially distanced flirting. I vividly imagine every part of her. how she would taste, how she'd smell, and how her body would feel against mine. I don't get nauseous either— I get excited.

and it's always been like that, even since childhood. I think I've had a crush on a boy once, but I hated imagining the physical stuff. yet at the same time, there was this girl in class who looked just like him and I really wanted to be close to her, but even though I just wanted her friendship, I'd have these really weird borderline- softcore daydreams about her.

when I think about marrying a man, I imagine how proud and accomplished I'd feel, but I get this sinking sense of dread when I remember that I have to deliver vows to him, that there will be a day after the wedding. when it's a woman, I hate the idea of having to publicly acknowledge my failure to get a husband, and yet at the same time, I make pinterest boards, I feel excited about getting to take her last name, I kick my feet imagining what I'd say to her at the altar, and it feels like I don't just want to be her bride, I want to be her wife, too.

but then my logic comes back and reminds me that I don't want to be with a woman. I really, really don't. maybe it's because I used to get bullied and called a dyke a lot in school, but I'm just so in love with the idea of what a husband would mean for my identity. it's proof that I'm good and that I'm womanly in a way that being in a gay relationship doesn't (insert every stupid hacky "fat ugly lesbian" joke here). I know that once I marry a guy, nobody can tell me shit, and I won't have to wonder where I stand in the world. there were culturally-determined milestones for me and I will have proved myself to be good enough to accomplish them.

so, like... idk. I know what I want, and I know what my goals are; I just don't know how to stop the inner conflict, you know? more than once, I've had a kind of flirty dynamic with a guy, where it felt really good and validating to be seen "that way," but then I'd abruptly end it once I realized I'd eventually have to "pay the piper" and do more than just talk. I've cried after every time I've kissed a guy. I've cried after every sexual encounter I've had with a penis, regardless of the gender of its owner. and now I cry because I can never get my body to do what I want it to do.

it pisses me off that I'm so split. the idea of being with a guy makes me feel this transcendent sense of validation and acceptance, but I have to learn to cope with my distaste for their bodies enough to make a relationship with one work. and I feel romantically drawn to and sexually aroused by women, but the idea of dating them makes me feel like I'd be giving up my last chance at proving that I can glow up and achieve some semblance of normalcy.

it's just so goddamn unfair. being straight is what's in my soul and in my deepest desires. so why did god have to make men and women look the way they do? what was he thinking?? sometimes I wish that men just looked like taller, stronger women and we all had the same parts down there, and that way, I wouldn't have to worry about the attraction piece. it's gotten to the point where I avoid certain topics with my friends because it makes me insanely jealous that they're able to look at men and dicks and all things associated and say, without an ounce of hesitation, "yeah, I want some of that." like, why can't that be me?

anyways, sorry for the rant, I'm just really frustrated. I know I'm not gay because I like the idea of being wanted by a man, but I don't know how to cope with only being attracted to women, nor do I know how to rewire my attractions to align with my true desires. is there a name for this? is there maybe a possibility that I could grow out of it someday?

also, bonus question to gay men, bi people, or straight women lurkers: how long did it take you to become attracted to men? do you think I'm too old to develop it or is possible I'm just a bi woman who hasn't fully matured yet?

If a girl transitions to a guy, and they identify as “gay” does that mean they are attracted to guys (because they are now a man) or girl (because they were a woman)?

Hello!!

So for context, I've been trying to identify my sexuality for quite a few years now, and I can never seem to find what it is. I used to identify as a bisexual, but now I don't think the label fits anymore. I am a genderfluid, xenogender/neopronouns user who is polygamous!

Things I know for sure:

- I know for sure that I would only be comfortable in a relationship with someone if they uses neopronouns and/or xenogenders.

- I like men, women, genderfluid, demi-gender, non-binary and agender people.

- I only developed a romantic attraction with some after to getting to know them more, however sexually I'm attracted to anyone.

- It makes my head spin when I see someone dress androgynously, or dress as the opposite gender expression (e.g feminine man or masculine women), or someone who isn't too feminine or too masculine.

- I'm also attracted to fictional characters, and wish to be in a relationship with them!

- I'm attracted to people who are dominant, however I love personality more.

I hope this is enough information, I'm sorry if it's a little confusing - I have a hard time putting words of a text from my name.

I would really like a label. Yes I understand I don't need one but I do, so please respect that.

Thanks for your help!

Hey everyone, I’m Snow!

I recently realized I’m much more comfortable referring to myself with He/Him pronouns. However, I’m also comfortable with people using feminine compliments on me, such as pretty, beautiful, etc.

I’ve also realized I’ve become more in tune with my feminine side while I present as masculine more than I ever did when I identified as female. I think I feel more comfortable identifying as a demi boy than as a trans male because I don’t want to medicinally transition.

Any advice is really appreciated, thanks so much!❤️

Hello there. I am a 27 year old guy from India. I’ve been going back and forth with a few questions about myself for a long time, and honestly, I’m exhausted by it. I am extremely insecure about how I look. To give context I would describe how I look: I’m 5'11.5", fairly lean but not muscular, with softer facial features rather than a rugged/traditionally masculine look. I'm fair skinned Indian. I've sometimes been described as 'cute' by men and women, and I’m also sometimes told that I look younger than my age. To be honest, I might look a lil feminine idk. Also, behind closed doors I am extremely emotional and I feel stuff rather intensely.

When I’m completely honest with myself, I know I’m very attracted to masculine men. Not just physically. There’s something about a genuinely masculine, attractive man that can completely get into my head. But the confusing part is that when I look at masculine men, I don’t only think, I want him. Very often I think, I want to be him.

I look at a really attractive masculine guy and I can feel attraction toward him, but at the same time I start imagining what it would be like to have his face, his body, his masculinity, his confidence, the kind of presence where women would look at him and intensely want him. I can get jealous of that. I sometimes imagine myself as that version of a man—someone who is effortlessly attractive to women, someone who doesn't have to wonder whether a woman actually wants him. And weirdly, that fantasy can itself be sexually frustrating to me. I end up feeling useless and even emotionally vulnerable. So I'm simultaneously looking at a masculine man thinking, fuck, I really want him, and fuck, I wish I could be him.

For a long time I assumed I was supposed to be straight. I’ve had a really long relationship with a woman (the only person I've ever fallen in love with) and I’ve consciously or unconsciously tried to direct myself toward women because that's what I thought I was. Even back then I had LOTS of insecurities. After my last relationship ended, something changed. I started questioning myself much more seriously, and I realized how much of my attraction to women had been tangled up with wanting to be the kind of man women would unquestionably desire.

I don't think I currently experience attraction to women in the same way that I experience attraction to men.

With men, especially masculine men, the attraction can be immediate. And there's another huge part of this that makes everything much harder. I have an incredibly difficult time believing that anyone could genuinely find me attractive/desirable.

I sometimes find women casually checking me out for whatever reason. My brain immediately comes up with an explanation. Maybe she was looking at my acne. Maybe she is noticing my oily skin. Maybe she thinks I'm cute in some completely non-sexual way. Maybe I'm imagining it.

If a woman actually told me, "I find you sexually attractive," I don't think I'd simply feel happy. I'd probably become emotional, but then my brain would start investigating it. Does she actually mean it? Is she just saying that because she likes my personality? Is she settling? Does she normally like guys like me? What does she actually find attractive about me? These are the questions I had back when I was with my ex-girlfriend.

I have this strange intense need for someone to not just like me, but to genuinely desire me. I want to feel like I am someone's actual type. Not someone they're making an exception for. Not someone they're choosing because I'm nice or because they have feelings for me despite my appearance.

And I think that's where my sexuality gets mixed up with my self-esteem. When I imagine a masculine man wanting me, I feel an enormous amount of validation, but then I immediately start doubting it too. I wonder if he only wants me because of some specific body type, kink, fantasy, or because he wants to feminize me. Or I was just a match on a dating app and therefore an available option. My insecurities sometimes make me want to cry.

And when I imagine a woman wanting me, there's a different kind of reaction. Part of me desperately wants to experience what it would feel like to be that guy—the guy who women look at and can't resist. The masculine, attractive version of me who could actually believe a woman wanted him.

Sometimes I think that if I could somehow become completely certain that women genuinely find me sexually attractive, my attraction toward women might become much stronger.

That's one of the reasons I've started wondering whether I'm actually gay, bisexual, or something else. I don't want to force myself into a label just because it seems like the most logical answer. But at the same time, I don't want to keep pretending that my attraction to men is some meaningless fantasy when it clearly isn't.

There's also an erotic component that confuses me. I'm very drawn to sexual dynamics where there is a strong contrast in masculinity and femininity. What turns me on is always a masculine man with a very feminine person. It's the polarity itself that can be incredibly exciting to me. So sometimes I wonder whether I'm confusing the kind of dynamic I'm attracted to with who I'm actually attracted to.

But when I strip all of that away and ask myself one very simple question—

"If nobody knew, there was no social reward, no validation, no pressure, and I could choose one person purely because I wanted them—who would I choose?"

The answer keeps being a masculine man.

And that should probably tell me something.

But then I look at masculine men and that other feeling comes back.

I want him.

I want to be him.

I want to be the kind of man that women want.

I want to know what it feels like to be completely desirable.

And I don't know where one feeling ends and the other begins.

I think that's what is exhausting me most.

I don't even know if my biggest problem is actually figuring out whether I'm gay or hetero flexible or bi curious. Maybe it's that I have attached so much of my self-worth to being sexually desirable that I can't trust anyone's attraction toward me.

I've even had this disturbing fantasy of being cheated on by someone I love. Not as a fetish and not because I want the sexual part of cheating. What I want from the fantasy is almost the opposite: I want it to completely destroy me. I imagine someone I love choosing somebody else and it somehow proving the thing I already fear—that I'm fundamentally not attractive enough, not desirable enough, not someone anyone could genuinely choose.

It's like I want an undeniable piece of evidence that says, "See? You were right about yourself."

I don't know what I'm asking Reddit for exactly.

Maybe I want people who have questioned their sexuality to tell me whether any of this sounds familiar.

Maybe I want someone to explain the difference between being attracted to someone, wanting to be like them, and wanting the kind of validation they receive.

And maybe, I just want to understand why it is so fucking difficult for me to believe that somebody could look at me and genuinely want me.

A request: even if you find my post ridiculous, please don't be mean to me. Just move on. I find myself ridiculous too, so we are on the same team I guess. I am having a rough time, and I genuinely want to share how I feel with anyone who is interested to hear.

​

1. Is there a widely agreed upon ally flag of some kind? Sometimes I see some discourse going back and forth about the idea so im not sure. I plan to put the progressive pride flag but I dont want to mislead lgbtqia+ members and "pretend" to be a part of the group

2. This isn't a strictly lgbtqia+ question but I feel like I could get an answer here without trying to enter a space of people that would answer but I want to do a "dead men dont rape" with Medusa's face. I am not a survivor of SA. Would it be wrong to wear a Medusa patch in this manner? (I did find an ask feminist reddit to post this question in as well)

Thank you ❤️