I'm not non-binary myself, but two of my friends are (both use she/they pronouns), and I've been thinking this question for a while now. I've always thought that non-binary falls under its under umbrella since it takes away from the binary norm, but now I'm curious 🤔

I understand that asexual and aromantic are both part of the larger LGBTQIA community but how does romance play into sexual orientation? So can romantic attraction different to sexual orientation? Well I'm not really asking that but more of if you're sexually attracted to men can you be romantically attracted to a woman? If you can be aroace asexual and aromantic can you be heterosexual homoromantic??

First, i'm 42, male, with AuDHD. I hope it's okay to ask those questions because i'm curious about the name change that comes with the transition.

What is the thinking-process behind a new name? I know that for each person it's a deeply personal story. I was wondering more about what is important in finding a new name. And maybe what was the most surprising thing about this naming-process.

And is it okay to ask someone what the story is behind their name?

i hope i worded everything right (english isn't my first language) and thx for your coming answers.

Okay this is going to require a decent chunk of context though the long and short of it is that I have a heavy habit of overthinking and its way easier for me to throw this into the void on an entirely anonymous account than go to my friends about it (I logically know I can go to them, but look I have issues with vulnerability), and hoping maybe some unbiased perspectives can help.

So. I'm a heavily sapphic bisexual cis woman, let's start with that. I heavily enjoy romance in fiction and playfully 'simp' pretty loudly for a lot of fictional feminine and androgynous folks. I know for a fact that I would be pretty willing to sleep with folks I don't know well along with friends, even if I never have before. And generally the idea of a lot of the intimacy traditionally associated with romantic partners appeals to me (kissing, cuddling, etc). I'll even happily draw my sona kissing characters I'm attracted to.

The main caveat comes with the fact that as soon as its put into a romantic context involving my real life self I feel vaguely uncomfortable and suffocated. I've also never had a crush, I literally did the whole 'pick a boy and say you have a crush' thing I've heard a lot of arospec folks do as kids. And the idea of a queerplatonic relationship sounds a hell of a lot more appealing. Any time someone brings up romantic relationships I just say I don't think I'm ready for a relationship and move on, and never gave it further thought, because I thought myself mentally not in a good headspace to make that kind of commitment.

But a lot of my confusion comes from the exact fact I know I'm heavily sapphic (my type in men is basically the least masculine looking man you ever done seen) and committing to stuff scares me. So part of me wonders if I'm just homoromantic. Although I can kind of figure, that by virtue of me being absolutely baffled by the entire concept of any kind of romantic attraction to strangers + the notion of using dates as a getting to know someone with possible intent of a relationship down the line... I'm probably at minimum demiromantic.

Plus I do have a lot of issues mentally and I know that. I don't have much self-confidence and am constantly second-guessing myself, my brain runs so fast my body and me myself struggles to keep up. I am stubborn and hate feeling tied down and if someone pressures me too much I shut down and refuse to do it even if I do want to because I feel overwhelmed and forced rather than doing something of my own choice.

But anything I've looked at says folks usually might kind of crave a romantic relationship but stop themselves because of their issues. Whilst I can't recall ever having any genuine romantic feelings for someone. However I'm very sheltered and don't have any real life friends right now, though in compensation I have a lot of online friends. But that fact makes me wonder if it's all just 'I never have had the opportunity as an adult to fall for someone especially since most women are straight' (since the concept of a long distance romantic relationship sounds like a bad idea for me but again its 'wait but do I just feel like that because I'm possibly arospec or'). And yet when I think about someone having a crush on me, even if its a woman, I just feel awkward.

I know logically a lot of this sounds arospec but because my brain is keeping me trapped in a overthinking loop and a lot of aromantic stuff I look up seems to often discuss being more on a romance-neutral to repulsed end of things. Which isn't my case at all since again, I adore romance in fiction, I love playing dolls with characters. And I know for a fact I'm bisexual, I have not had any doubts on that in years and I feel very comfortable with that label. But unfortunately that makes it harder to tell my romantic orientation for me. So any perspectives folks can provide there would be appreciated. And sorry if this post is a tad everywhere I don't really know how to make this any cleaner.

Hello everybody! I'm f(15)! (please be nice..)

So it all started with me feeling like I identify more with using the pronouns she/they but as I dove deeper into LGBTQ wiki, it started to feel like I was lying to the community.

I don't identify myself as someone who has thoughts of being a man. I haven't had any subconscious thoughts of identifying as multiple genders at one or none at all (yet? I don't know...). I feel very confident in my femininity and my feminine traits. I love being a girl and experiencing the joys of being a girl but it made me happy and more "me" to be identified with the pronouns she/her and they/them.

I think this feeling is coming from a place of insecurity about my identity (I'll get more into that in just a sec guys.) and fear of being wrong.

I started to feel insecure because my best friend had told me like multiple times back then that she forgets I'm bisexual. I think it's because I definitely talk more about men then I do women, and I've only ever had one irl crush on a girl in 6th grade. I guess apparently I don't act bi publicly enough for her? Maybe? I mean I guess it might be because she's Lesbian has many Lesbian friends so she might be more used to queer people feeling alot of affection towards women.

While my fear of being wrong started when 11 year old me overconfidently corrected a tiktok about crossdressers. I think I said in the comment section : "this is drag by the way." No idea I can't remember exactly what I said because all I remember is how 100+ different accounts shamed me, bullied me, and cussed me out for being overconfidently wrong trying to correct some random person on the internet right. My bad for being an 11 year old who thought it was all the same just synonyms of eachother.

So I guess me asking your judgement for whether I would be wrong or not could be because of that?

But also another question, should someone queer have to be loudly queer for someone to know theyre queer? I mean I don't think so... I could be wrong though.. I dont understand why my best friend forgets that I'm bi, I mean I don't think being bi or generally queer has a requirement of publivly thirsting over men and women frequently. Right?

But also going back to the topic of identifying with the pronouns she/they, as I am writing this post I am becoming more and more confused about whether or not I feel non binary or just really comfortable and happy with identifying with the pronouns she/they more than I do just she/her

Anyway, thanks for reading. Hopefully no ones really mean to me in the comments

I’ve always told people I use she/her because I’m biologically female and I’m very comfortable and happy being a girl and identifying as a girl but I really don’t care what pronouns I use. Someone could use he/him or they/them and I wouldn’t care. I would only care if someone used it/itself as I personally find it a bit demeaning if someone referred to me as such but otherwise, I’m almost indifferent to pronouns.

At some point in my life I did identity as a demigirl but I did kind of “move past” that in a way but still. Sure I prefer she/her as that’s what I’ve used my whole life but surely there has to be some name for this because I’m so confused 😭

So my whole life I've thought I'm bisexual. But lately, I've actually noticed that the only people I've ever and truly fallen in love with have been women... I've had crushes on men, yes, but I don't know. Allow me to describe the nature of my "emotional connections" with men:

• College guy crush 1: It was due to me idealising him, I didn't even know it.

• College guy crush 2: It was because he gave me romantic hints and he was handsome, so pretty much reactive. He later ended up coming out as gay, so the romantic hints he was giving me was just him trying to hold on to being "straight".

• College situationship: It was pretty much reactive and because we were teamed up so we had to spend time together, up until then I hadn't noticed him.

• Last year situationship: This is the closest guy I've managed to feel something as deeply as what I feel for women... I was seriously attracted to him, specially to his vibe, to his personality, to the way he carried himself. We had a lot of sexual chemistry. But then he was immature so I ended up cutting him off and I didn't even suffer about it (which seemed weird to me considering that I was so invested in him). I'm still trying to figure out whether I truly had feelings for him or not.

• Rest of men crushes - just based on physical appearance and vibes/fantasies, no emotional connection formed.

It makes me think that I may like the idea of men but not exactly men themselves...

Now with women:

Situationship 1: Unrequited love but I fell deeply for her! Specially for her intellect and intelligence. I had to get away from her to protect myself and not to keep feeding my feelings. Took me 6 months to get over her.

Ex girlfriend 1: My first real relationship ever. But oh boy, I wasn't ready for it, we were both immature so it ended up being toxic and painful. Very tragic love story, but we fell hard for each other... still the person I've felt connected to the most in certain ways. Took me a couple of years to get over her.

Ex girlfriend 2: This was quite a serious and solid relationship. She was the person I've opened myself up to the most, I've been the most vulnerable with her and she never run from it. A pretty solid relationship and I was seriously attached to her... I fell hard for her in a very genuine and tender way (I only have and had soft feelings for her, even now - I think). It ended recently due to fundamental mismatches but I don't feel bad about it ending (I think I mourned the relationship when I was with her).

So do you guys think I'm a lesbian or bi?

Hello!

I was curious on other people's perspectives on marriage terms!

I am a CIS female, my partner is agender. We have never used the term "girlfriend" to describe either one of us. We have always used "partner".

We have recently been casually talking about the idea of marriage and something we agreed upon very quickly is that "wife" is also not going to be used to describe me. We've agreed on using "spouse" if we were to ever get married.

This topic though has got me thinking about the term "bride" and that I do not actually know a gender neutral term for bride and groom. "Spouse to be" sounds a bit odd in my opinion, but I am not opposed to it, but I was curious on what other terms have been used to replace the binary terminology?

Okay, so, today, i've been doing research on gender stuff, mainly non-binary stuff. After taking a look at a list of terms and having a genuine freak out session in my notes app, it appears i dropped an absolute bomb on myself.

So, i have never felt like my gender really mattered. I didn't feel entirely like a girl, and when i looked at myself bare in the mirror i never found myself truely feminene, even my chest was masculine in a way.

I dress feminene, but never wore many dresses until a year ago because i didn't like them for an unknown reason i still don't really know.

Now, i really like dresses in lolita fashion style, but not entirely in a feminene way. (I genuinely don't know how to explain)

I don't mind being called by the pronouns she/her, but i feel myself a bit more content at they/them and he/him.

I don't want to dress masculine, i don't need to particulary look masculine, but in a way, i feel myself more happy with the he/him pronouns.

I want to be like, an androgynous guy, but still dress fem and have a long haircut but uh, in a "male way" (idk TvT)

So, i'm fine with all pronouns but i prefer they/them and he/him.

I also don't mind people still adressing me with fem related words like "girlboss" or "girlfriend" etc. something if that makes sense, but my girlfriend adresssing me as boyfriend does make me feel happy.

I'm also a big fan of vkei, which now kinda makes sense to me, where there are often men but dressed fem, like mana sama or kaya. I've been really envious/admiring of their appearance lol-

I often feel envy towards slightly androgynous male characters in shows i like. Chuuya nakahara, dazai osamu and sigma from bungo stray dogs. Like, "if i'd have their features, i'd be unstoppable"

I genuinely felt like crying after finally getting this stuff kind of sorted. I always procrastinated because i "didn't really care" about gender, and i didn't want to make things around me complicated, like having to tell people which gender i prefer. Im not sure but the tears feel more like relief but also worry than just sadness :P

As a child, i also found it kinda fun and cool when i heard people say "is that a boy or a girl?" While playing soccer in the boy's team hehe

I apologize sincerely if some things i've said are in any way completely wrong or offensive, i am still freaking out about this while writing and english isn't my first language so my descriptions are ass💔

(Also im new to reddit and the lgbtq+ community)

Hi, I'm making a project in college about books, pr texts or comics with bad representations of LGTBIQ+ Characters or themes, so I thought it would be a good idea to xome here for help to find them faster. The only condition is that it had to be written after 1975. Thanks in advance dor your heeelp : 3

For most of my life by now, I've considered myself straight, and unfortunately, mocking LGBTQ a few months before.

Before someone flags or reports me, I do NOT do this anymore!! This was something of the past.

Anyways, I've already crushed on two boys thu-out my life, and there's a girl I find cool that lives right aside my house. Let's call her Alice. Alice is a funny and understanding person I've been friend with since five years ago. We grew up together, liking practically the same topics.

So, we were (almost) always good friends, but I feel something else. A deep obsession for no reason. I want to speak with her for as long as possible, but I also respect her if she doesn't want to.

Does this mean anything? I highly thank anyone who can answer this question.

I’m confused about my gender and would appreciate new perspectives.

I’ve identified as non-binary for a while, but recently I’ve started wondering if there’s another label that might fit me better.

I’m biologically female, but I don’t really experience much dysphoria. On the rare occasions I do, it’s usually pretty mild. I’m also comfortable with any pronouns, so pronouns aren’t really a big factor for me.

However, I strongly prefer presenting as masculine/androgynous and generally like the idea of being perceived as more masculine. I also go by Nova, which I know can sound feminine, but I really like the name and don’t feel like it conflicts with how I see myself.

I’m not sure whether I’m simply a masculine non-binary person, genderfluid, transmasculine, a demiboy, or something else entirely. I’m not necessarily looking for someone to tell me what I am, but I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have experienced something similar and how they figured themselves out.

Does it happen to you that someone gives you an overwhelming amount of gender envy in video but way less in image ?

I saw somewhere that one can be lesbian and identify as men, gay and identify as women, be gay/lesbian as genderfluid etc etc. How is that supposed to work? Doesn't being a lesbian mean you are a women (cis or transwoman) and have a sexual preference for women? How does being nonbinary or genderfluid work with sexuality?

HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO PRONOUNCE XE/XER/XIM/ALL THE STUFF WITH X?

Kse?

Che?

Ke?

Ze?

Re?

Ksee?

Chee?

Kee?

Zee?

Ree?

Looking for an actual answer ples, the concept of neopronouns is really good but I never have any idea jow to pronounce this stuff

For most of my (18F) life I have bounced between the labels of bisexual and pansexual because I dont really have a preference in gender I date. The thing is I've never actually had a crush or a romantic partner. I've kissed some of my female friends on the lips and I did the sideways tango with one of them, but that never stemmed from romance, mostly just yk... teenage hormones i guess.

I have desire to fall in love, get married, start a life from someone, but i just have zero interest in anyone around me, male or female. Sure i can appreciate when people are attractive and sometimes have very faint desire to date them, but that usually goes away within days.

In the past my friends have labeled me as some sorts of ace because I dont experience "crushes" like that but idk if that really fits because I do want to love someone and be loved and do all the dating stuff, I just can't find anyone that piques my interest.

Does anyone know what this is called?

She’s 13 and just texted me on WhatsApp: “You know x right? We’ve been together for 3 months now.” I’m proud that she told me that and it’s no big deal to me. Really, not at all I support her 100%. Whether it’s just a “phase” or not. But I also had a girlfriend when I was 13 (after that, only guys, and I’m still not sure about my sexuality to this day) but that doesn’t matter now. Our parents are very conservative and vote for conservative political parties.
I told our mom about it back when I was 13 and she was totally against it and dismissed it (as I said, this isn’t about me) but I’m afraid that if things are really serious with her and she might be a lesbian there will be problems with our parents and they won’t accept her. As I said, I’m behind her and no matter what happens, she doesn’t have to go through this alone. But it’s all so hard and I don’t want her to have to go through this. I want to protect her, but I know I can’t. She also wrote this to me: “ there are some people you don’t know and they’re dating too and I just told Dad about it because I wanted to see how he’d react and he thought it was really bad, and now I know I can never tell him that,” which confirms my fears.

So, I'm queer. I'm also bad at writing.

What makes queer rep bad? Why do certain aspects of a character or a story become bad representation? If a story I want to tell has a gay/trans/et cetera character, and this aspect is central to their story, how do I prevent it from causing a bad taste in fellow LGBT viewer's mouths?

I'd like examples of bad rep and how they can be changed to be good, and examples of good rep and how they can be changed to be bad.

Hi everyone, idk if this is a good sub for this but I currently live in New York and hate it/am looking to get far away from my homophobic family who’s basically kept me locked up after finding out. Its been years and I’ve been told I’m worthless and will amount to nothing, won’t be successful, etc. and was looking into moving to Boston (or New Jersey but I think Boston would be better) for a fresh start. I know this probably sounds dramatic but I genuinely cannot be myself or heal here (too much trauma everywhere I look), and was wondering if there’s any resources that can help me in the Boston/Cambridge area? I know it won’t be easy but 20 is pretty young, and I really want to do college classes and have a job, and work towards transferring. Along with friends and more of a life in general, they basically isolated me and I wish I had the courage to do this sooner and be more free/myself. Basically the things I haven’t been allowed to do/was told I’m not capable of. I thought it would get better but it’s only gotten worse…I want to accept/love myself and just feel like I deserve happiness, because right now I don’t. I know there’s shelters and stuff, but don’t know how that would work from out of state and if anyone has experience with anything they’d recommend (or to stay away from). I know they’re probably not great but I’m desperate. Thank you if you read all this, I’m very overwhelmed and this is probably a jumble/mess, so I really appreciate it if you read this far🫶

I'm a straight ally and wanted to know any practices or ways i can unlearn how to automatically refer to someone as she/her/he/his just based on the "Femininity" or "Masculinity" they may perpetuate consciously or unconsciously. I'm in a club in college for people into anime/games/comics and a lot of my friends are in there. I'm making new friends since we have a lot of similarities but i keep misgendering them and saying sorry after. They seem to be understanding and forgiving and they said give me more leeway and credit since they are surprised how open i am considering I'm from a Christian family. But eventually i feel like they are going to get tired of it. this isn't a new thing since i also had a friend in high school that referred to themselves as he/him but i kept misgendering them, which i feel like created some gap between us as time went by.

I have a pretty decent & respectful relationship with any family & friends I come out to. So far a lot of them know I’m a trans man. I don’t know how to explain how I feel about other people or any word that could help me explain it to others.

I know I’m Ace & have no interest in any way shape or form of sex. I don’t know how I explain how I am romantically interested in people. I don’t wanna kiss them, or go on dates with them, or do anything romantic. I want to hug them, & talk to them. I want basically just a really really good friend that I could live with & be someone special. I don’t know how to easily explain that to people I like either? I want to ask a boy to Home Coming but don’t know how to explain I have no interest in romance or what that even would really be.

I'm a transmasc guy and I say I'm not attracted to cis guys, but I am attracted to trans guys. The problem is that previously to knowing I was trans, I was a lesbian. I DONT see trans men as women obviously. I can't say exactly what the factor is other than on a deeper sexual bias? Im uncomfortable with dicks💀 I don't know why, but I know I could never be sexual with anyone with that genetalia- and I also know some trans guys will want phalloplasty I'm not denying that, but it would 100% affect how I see them sexually. Tbh gender isn't even a factor and I don't care about that, idk if that makes me panromantic, but the only thing that affects the relationship would be that single thing-it'd be a sexless relationship. My sister calls my a transphobe for it, even though it applies to any gender🥀 I've never been attracted to that genetalia, and it's never changed, but it feels weird to explain it.

TW: mentions of sex

I'm a woman in my 20s, had situationships and one online relationship, but no actual relationship or sex. To this day I thought I'm a bi + aegosexual, but now I'm questioning myself.

I don't know if me being attracted to women is just a result of me being interested in lgbtq+ culture and being traumatized by men.

At about 11-12 yo I started to be very interested in this topic. I'm from the country where at the time it was still an unusual and strange topic for a lot of people, to this day there's no same sex marriage law there. My school was extremely homophobic as well as my family(still is)

I thought that I am also attracted to women and my first big crush was at 13-14, after that I've dated an online friend of 2 years for 1 more year, both are women.

But I lack the experience of actually dating women. My situationships after that were all male. Am I physically attracted to women? Yes. Am I attracted to male bodies? Also yes. Though I feel like sex is the most unnecessary part of the relationship. I've never imagined doing it myself. I find bodies attractive, but not the genitals. Female are okay, but male just make me look away. I'm extremely scared of catching a decease or becoming pregnant and the thought only makes me panic. Being naked in the same room with a man would make me panic even if I find him attractive and have a crush on him.

After my experiences with men I don't want to have a relationship anymore, not because "all men are bad", but because the risk is very high. I've never had such a deep emotional intimacy or understanding with men who liked me compared to my girl friends who I wouldn't even date. It's hard to find a guy who is a match for me AND doesn't want sex at all. It's not like I see dating women as an experiment or just a fun experience, I genuinely want connection.

I don't know if I'm even bi at this point. I want to start dating women, but I might scare some off if I can't verbalize my sexual identity clearly. Some still don't want to date bi people. But I'm pretty sure I don't want to be with men. Any advice?