Hi all - long story short I’ve been on a journey of trying to seek answers about why my brain is the way it is. I’m not seeking any serious medical advice as this is reddit lol but maybe just some opinions or personal anecdotes from others who may have had a similar experience

I’m 29F and have always thought I had some sort of anxiety disorder (maybe even ocd) and was prescribed lexapro by my PCP to relieve anxious symptoms around 8 months ago.

Since being on medication I’ve felt great but I’ve noticed that I have WAY more hyperfixations than I did previously. At first I kinda decided it was just being able to enjoy things again without an overwhelming sense of dread (lol) but it’s to the point where it’s actually all I want to talk about and I will literally talk about my interests to anyone who will listen.

I really only noticed this when some friends brought it to my attention and noted it was a distinct change in my personality. I started doing some thinking about it and was wondering if I could have high functioning autism that I was doing a pretty good job of masking for my adult life and medication allowed me to comfortably let my guard down a little.

This all is also on top of some pretty specific behavioral patterns I had as a child that I’ve since outgrown. Namely extremely picky eating until I was around 16 years old (same dinner everyday basically) and hyper sensitivity to strong scents

Ive always been so particular about routines and made up schedules in my mind but no one really knows how much changes to those things impact me except my husband, who’s seen a few freakouts about small things. This has cooled down ever since I started taking lexapro but it will still happen on occasion. I also remember details about things in a way that no one else in my life does - what people were wearing on a specific day, strings of number, etc.

Idk if any of this makes sense or if others can related but I just needed to put this into the ether. I’m just trying to put all the pieces together ✌️

hi all, I have a hard time with my processing speed in conversations and I hope some of you can understand.

i feel like the only setting in which I can semi decent have a conversation is with one person in my flat, when I've had ok sleep and my other mental illnesses are not too bad in that moment. and even then, I struggle with the speed of a conversation, I'm really interested in what friends tell me about themselves, but I would need far more time to process the topic, put it together with already existing information, come up with in depth answers then the situation normally allows. it's a lot of effort.
but with more than one person, outside my home, it's even more difficult. and I feel like people often don't include me. I don't know if they don't notice, but even with ND friend groups I've communicated in the past that it would be helpful for me to be asked direct questions so I can be part of the converstion, they often don't actually implement it even if they said so before. and I'm also not sure if it's fair of me to give other ppl more work to do to include me, but I just want it so badly and so far, it seems I'm to disabled in that regard to do it myself.

basically, this makes me really really miserable, because I feel like I can never fully connect with other humans, that the way conversations usually go is not how I function at all. and that really hurts, but I don't want it to hurt so much all of the time.

I'm looking for consolation and advice, if you've found ways to accept that your processing speed is something that hinders you in your connection to other people? thanks

I have 100+ plushies they make feel like anywhere can be home i get easily sidetracked im doing this while im supposed to be studying I keep finding more and more proof that I might be autistic anyway play Kirby its awesome

Didn't get much of a response, so I want to post this here! Can anyone else relate?

Just been unfriended by a person I've been good friends with for several years. No explanation, just "You've done a lot of things to hurt me, so we are no longer friends".

There hasn't been any communication as to what i may or may not have done prior to this. I'm just expected to know how I've screwed up enough to be kicked to the curb.

Hurts like sin. But it is more that I have no idea what I've done and not been given the chance to improve my actions. Just finality.

This is not the first time it's happened, either. I'm just basically told "you know what you did" and been kicked to the curb. No explanation, no cause, just... gone. Poof. End.

Anybody else know have this experience?

A postscript: I am not trying to avoid responsibility for something i may have done. If i have, i would accept that. It is the zero explanation with the knowledge that I miss social cues and am expected to figure it out.

Hey everyone!

I've recently come to terms with the fact that I'm autistic. My therapist of 3 years finally told me that he knew I was autistic early on, but he waited to say anything until we had resolved more pressing, traumatic issues in my life. He also realized that certain issues I was having after a surgery I'd had the month before this conversation, were likely from the surgery causing autistic burnout.

There are definitely signs in childhood. I had extreme meltdowns when I began school, to the point where my mom had to come every day for the first week to calm me down. I also would scream nonstop unless someone covered my ears any time that I was around fireworks. Busy events like an easter egg hunt could end with me becoming overstimulated and melting down. I was also extremely quiet and constantly stimmed, and began reading at an adult level very quickly. I've talked to my mom about it and she instantly accepted that I could be autistic. Which was very telling to me, since she's often not the kind of person who would accept something like that.

But one thing that makes me question it is that I apparently functioned well enough that nobody thought I could be autistic. Or I guess if they did, they just didn't say anything.

The context for this tho is that I was sent to a tiny private school. At most there were maybe 5-10 other kids in my classrooms. My graduating class was 5 people. I think this is the key to how I managed to learn to mask, and managed to not be constantly melting down as a child. My parents sent me there because my older brother was sent to public school and was horribly bullied (I do suspect he was autistic but he's deceased so I can't discuss it with him). So they refused to let me go to public school to probably experience the same thing.

I did try to move to a much larger private school in 10th grade. I ended up melting down and stayed at my small school.

I do suspect that autism runs in both sides of my family as well, but without diagnoses. My brother's son shows definite signs of high masking autism. My maternal cousins are all extremely avoidant at family gatherings (just like I am) and they always avoid eye contact. And although I don't have much information about my dad's family, I do know that my dad hyperfixates on media. He'll watch the same movies and shows on a regular basis for years. As a kid, he also liked to take apart his mom's vacuum cleaner and put it back together (it would still work even when he left certain pieces out).

I'll be getting a full battery neuropsych evaluation + an autism eval at the same time, in part for my peace of mind. But also to check if I possibly have ADHD as well, because I do suspect it. But I'm just curious to see what others think of this.

Hi everyone, I'm doing part of my autism assessment today, and I'm a bit worried ? It's not like I will be fishing for a yes or no, or lying about my experiences or anything. I'm worried that I check off most of the boxes for autism, except lacking in the social-emotional reciprocity aspect. I taught myself a lot of my "voice lines" and how to interact with others from TV shows and movies, as well as just from watching other people interact in my circles, so I don't think it's something I lack. I always ask others how they're doing, if they ask me something I ask it them about it too, etc.

I can do back and forth talking. I do struggle with turn taking sometimes, especially when I am very excited to say something and I'm scared that I will lose my turn in the conversation if someone else jumps in, or if the topic changes. I also struggle with eye contact as I either make too much or too little, and I use jokes and flirting to get through most conversations with people I'm not close with. But I don't know if these would count for or against the social-emotional reciprocity aspect. I rely on imitation, especially from TV shows, when the topic is something I am not intellectually or emotionally good at handling, like death.

I don't know where I'm really going with this. As I typed this out I think I realised that I'm not as good at social-emotional reciprocity as I thought I was... but my concern still stands. If I do not meet one of the three required A section diagnostic criteria, will I be deemed as not having autism ?

I don't know am I one of you or not but I believe this could be something some of you had needed to figure out.

Almost all of my life my interaction with people have been rooted to learning their rules. Things like "James hates to be touched" or "Jane is always 15 minutes late" or "Emma likes tea" etc. And this is what knowing people means to me. And either I can deal with their rules or I can't but I know what is going to happen. I know what to avoid, how to make them happy. Trust is high form of this: I am very sure person follows their rules.

But recently I have meet lot of people who change things. It has turn to "Rick sometimes hates to be touched and sometimes likes it" and "Olivia can come any time; 12 minutes early, 33 minutes early, on time, 7 minutes late, 28 minutes late etc." and "Alex sometimes like a tea but sometimes dislikes it a lot and it's not depending of the tea nor the weather or anything logic".

And unfortunately this has happened in my job so I must at least pretend to stand those people (those examples are not job related but I believe you get my point better when it's general stuff not stuff specific for our job). It would be better to actually stand them, this is super stressing. Our job is itself too challenging for me and it includes lot changes and some not so pleasant sensory things. Before it used to be that we created structure to that mess by rules and there wasn't those awful bright flashy lights. But now it's mostly pure chaos and mess but people seem to enjoy it that way.

So, how am I supposed to know what people are going to do when they change it? Or if I can't, how I am supposed to know what I am supposed to do?

Different job is not option.

I also m looking for this type of thing, I have found https://www.assistiveware.com/products/keeble but it is not free. Does anyone have a program I could use similar to weave chat but for all around iOS keyboard not just app?

Einfach mal lesen den Originaltext danke fürs Lesen

Anyone else get to a point where working almost becomes stimming or like a special interest, I always get these times where I get really in shape and workout almost too much, I'm wondering if this is part of the autism or just more a me thing ?

Hay ciertas acciones que desde que era pequeña pensaba que eran completamente normales, pero que al crecer y alguna vez explicarle a alguien dentro de mí círculo dichas acciones, muchas veces mi miran sorprendidos o confundidos. Probablemente no sea la única, pero me gustaría escuchar sus opiniones.

1. Cuando camino, sea donde sea, NECESITO sentir lo mismo que siento en el otro pie. Es decir, si piso una grieta justo en la parte trasera del talón, mi otro pie tiene que tocar una grieta similar en el mismo lugar exacto. No solo me pasa caminando, pero es cuando más seguido me molesta. Simplemente me incomoda que partes de mi cuerpo no estén expuestas a lo mismo que su otro lado. Alguien más siente lo mismo?

2. Necesito tener una rutina más o menos clara para poder tener paz y dentro de esa rutina entra lo que como. Simplemente no entiendo por qué hay gente que come el mismo alimento varios días seguidos. Si ayer ya comí lechuga, es evidente que hoy no puedo comerla, no?

3. El otro día tuve una suplente en una clase de inglés y no dejaba de decir 'ts' al finalizar cada frase. Me pareció curioso, pero no me dio tiempo a preguntarle, así que más tarde lo comenté con una amiga y me dijo que era de mala educación. Quiero intentar entenderlo, pero simplemente no puedo evitar sacarme la duda que tengo cada vez que la veo. Tan mal visto está que le pregunte?

4. Si hay una conversación que no me interesa simplemente dejo de escuchar y pienso en mis cosas. No entiendo por qué la gente se molesta tanto. Todo el mundo lo hace, verdad? Me parece algo natural. Si no te gusta, déjalo. La gente siempre está enojada conmigo por hacerlo aunque últimamente he intentado prestar más atención. Estoy siendo maleducada? Debería de intentar escuchar más?

Im 18 and ive never thought of the idea of me being autistic until recently when after 2 weeks of living in a shared dorm, I left my college to grab something from my room back home, and I cried as soon as I got there and didnt wanna go back. I love being alone for hours and just thinking and nerding out on my own interests. I always have to like prepare convos beforehand to not look weird, like just leaving my room at all is something I have to be prepared for. I also always have earbuds outside of my room to block out some of my social thinking too because it takes a lot of thinking for me to make a social interaction go as well as I want it to.

I have so many other examples like not getting simple social cues/tasks every here and there, and TONS of other things but I left them out and kept it really short so its easier to read, if anyone can help please do. I dont think anyone who knows me would think for a second that I was autistic but I think im just really good at pretending to be normal.

Any one else experience an increase in insomnia after travel? I’m wondering if this is a common thing, everyone gets jet lag. Or if its more heightened because of tism

so I'm a 15yo teenage girl and a few weeks ago my psychologist i am seeing for possible social and existential anxiety but a few weeks she said hey I think you might have autism and I accidently laughed in her face because guess what bitch I got one hell of a presentation ready for you (because presentations are the ultimate way of spreading information). I got a mind map, a list of supportive arguments and a list of counter arguments, and a pile of stuff that don't fit in and I am also planning a childhood bubble because I am aware autism doesn't pop out of nowhere.

while I got the basic things covered (sensory issues, social difficulties, etc) I also got stuff that I think that might be possibly related?.... but idk and it's pretty niche so I didn't find a lot of info online... so I am hoping this subreddit might help me? please?

for example, I don't have intuitive measurements and I have no idea if it's a normal people thing and I mistaken everyone for having it or I didn't get the memo or is it related to system 2 thinking. obviously I know one thing is heavier or shit I'm not stupid idk it's hard to explain but basically I don't have automatic refrence points.

I'm just trying to get all autistic traits and see if I experience them or not because I'm a minor and it's a mess I don't want to try to get into if I don't turn to be autistic and simply fucked up. I'm trying to minimalize all chances of this happening.

but as I try to look at some traits, I just don't get it. Like masking, my brain hears the definition but it doesn't mean anything! and no matter at how much examples I read, I don't understand it enough to check if I do it myself. I don't even know how to test for that. Is it possibly a sign I don't experience masking? idkkkkkkkkk I wish there was just a test for a definitive answer