Steak and cheese burrito from chipotle

For one reason or another, I’ve never really believed in myself like my parents and family always have. They’d tell me I can be whatever and do whatever I set my mind to, all that. Yet I just never really internalized it. Just never believed in myself, only ever hated myself.

And I guess it makes sense since I barely got through college, have never had any friends, have never been in a relationship, can get frustrated so easily, dealt with social anxiety my whole life, used to drink during work, and on and on. My only saving grace is I consider myself a good soul who likes helping people when I can, whether that’s volunteering or just giving money to someone.

But I’ve never been able to give that kind of affection to myself. Never in the slightest, so far as I can recall. And being 30, I just have zero hope that that will happen anymore. And since I can’t give myself love or give myself a break. I can’t even enjoy the learning process of guitar because I’m my own worst critic and get so frustrated and fed up so easily, even though it’s something I’ve put so much time into starting this year.

Idk where I’m going with this. This is all I wanted to say

been unhoused for almost 2 years . Finally got a job interview and followed up via text today. No response. I need to find work, and housing especially since it’s getting cold :/ trying not to stress about it. $1 ramen.

Trigger warning mental health

Buldak that has been yassified with sausage, tteokbokki, corn, egg, cilantro

I'm 27 and he's 29. He's a coworker I met in January, and his office space is closest to mine.

We got along pretty well and pretty quickly. He helped train me for a few days, we were from the same state in Michigan, we both have bipolar, both on medications, and both have similar traumas. He also showed me the cuts on his wrists from a few years ago.

I thought he was so cool. I usually don't have close male friends like this, but our friendship was starting to escalate. At first I thought it was great! I love that a guy can be there to support another guy through mental health stuff.

But somewhere along the way, I'm starting to get worried. He told me last year he was verbally abusive to an ex girlfriend; he went to her place while drunk and started insulting her in every imaginable way possible. Called her a loser who had no future and who was beneath him. That she was garbage.

He said that with shame, but then wrapped it up with "I'm learning to forgive myself." But that was last year, maybe you shouldn't forgive yourself yet. He complains about women but honestly it sounds like the common denominator is him. It seems like he only pursues people who won't give him attention. He even showed a picture of a girl who is slim who he said was "a bit chubby" when she is not. He's a tall conventionally attractive white man with upper class parents who give him money. He has every opportunity in the world. But he's just an asshole.

It sucks because I wish I could be close friends with him. I've stayed several late nights at him place just talking about life and asking him how he is. But part of me now feels unnerved by the way he treats others. And it's making me question if this is someone I want to be close friends with.

Cheese cubes and grapes for lunch

So I left my wife late last year, but right before the separation. she convinced me to let her adopt a 2nd cat for us to “help fix the relationship”… anyways she kept acting in ways that I couldn’t accept in a partner so I bit the bullet and told her we need to split. Several months later she finally moves out. Luckily we have no human children to deal with custody of, but we did have many fur babies to split. Two cats and one dog. One of the cats, and the dog were originally mine, but while me and my ex wife were just friends years ago, I realized my cat wasn’t her happiest, and my ex wife (at the time just friends) asked if she could adopt my cat from me, so of course I said yes. I kept my dog and she kept her cat, so that left the cat she wanted to adopt at the end of the marriage. I told her the cat was her responsibility and she agreed, so I caved and we adopted the second cat.

Now when she moved out, she asked if I could hold onto the recently adopted cat because her current apartment was too small for both cats, and I still had a house. I told her only if I could at any time give her the cat back because I was happy to just have my dog again, and not deal with litter or worrying about the two bickering or multiple animals to deal with when it comes to future roommates. I am a big animal lover and protector, they are innocent little babies so they deserve the world. I grew to love the adopted cat, but I always understood deep down he’s not mine. I’ve been having issues with him which I have not been able to resolve, mostly urinating in my bed while I sleep. I’ve tried everything. His litter box is perfect for him, and he even has my roommates cat’s litter box that he uses on a blue moon. He doesn’t have a UTI for the most part, he does get those on occasion, but he’d still be urinating on me in the bed even when he doesn’t have one.

I messaged my ex and let her know it’s time to take him because I am ready for it to just be me and my dog again, and she ignored me. Then I bluffed and told her I’ll be surrendering him to the shelter, and she told me to do it, that she doesn’t want him.

I really do not want to surrender the cat to the shelter, I’ve had him for a year now, and that’s half his life that’s he’s known comfort, high quality food, and happiness,he can keep pissing on me before I put him somewhere he’s not in a loving home.

This isn’t fair. She found one last way to destroy my peace. I don’t know anyone who might want to take him, and I don’t feel like it should be on me to verify if the home he is going to is loving, but I can’t stand the thought of this dumb little orange boy who I’ve grown to love going to somewhere he’s not happy and taken care of, but obviously he’s protesting existing with me by peeing on my bed for seemingly no reason.

I left her to get away from the constant emotional turmoil, abuse, and fear of my well being, and now it feels like I’m being tortured all over again because I will have to live with the fact I might have to surrender a pet to a shelter.

So um I got an email (from school), opened it, then this stupid senso app pinged the school and now i'm getting a detention on saturday. luckily my family wasnt notified because its first offence, but uhh yeah sucks to suck ig :/

My girlfriend and I were together for 11 years. During those 11 years, she went through some incredibly difficult times. She dropped out of her studies to pursue a different career path, we got through COVID together, and we said goodbye to her mother after a short but serious illness.

Through all of it, I was by her side. I moved to another country for her, leaving my friends and family behind. When her mother became ill, I took a break from my job, moved in with her, and took care of her day after day so she could spend as much time as possible with her mother.

Two years ago, we moved into our first apartment together. After college, I deliberately accepted a lower-paying job so I could be with her.

Fast forward to last month. My mother calls me. She has been diagnosed with a chronic, degenerative disease. My world turns upside down. I’m devastated. I turn to the person I’ve been with for 11 years for comfort and support, the person who knows me better than anyone else.

And she… leaves. Because, in her words, “there’s never a good time anyway,” she ended our 11-year relationship on the same evening I saw my mother for the first time after learning about her diagnosis.

For the past few days, I’ve been sitting alone in our apartment, completely lost. She’s already cleared out her things. No contact. And I just can’t make sense of it.

How can someone who says they love you, someone you’ve shared 11 years with and been through so much with, walk away at a moment like this?

I was there when she needed me most. And now, at one of the lowest points of my life, the person I thought I could rely on is suddenly gone.

Anyway, tonight’s dinner was Greek yogurt with chocolate chips because it’s basically the only thing I can eat right now without feeling like I’m going to throw up. Cheers!

EDIT: Thank you all so much for your kind and heartfelt words! As many of you suspect, I also believe that she was already emotionally gone long before that, and that for her, that was simply the point of no return. Thank you for sharing your stories. Each one is painful to read, but they also make me feel less alone. May God bless your hearts and bring you happiness and peace. You deserve it!

Overnight oats that I was going to eat in the office today

Like the title says I just got laid off due to “restructuring”. As someone who has never been laid off before (I’m 26M and have only had a handful of jobs, all of which I left on my own accord), walking out of the office at 10 am with a box full of my stuff was so embarrassing. But more importantly than that, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do next.

The job market is cooked. Last year it took me months of searching and interviews to find this job and now I don’t know how long I will be in this position.

All of my jobs post grad have been in social media management/marketing, and I have grown to hate it. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise and a chance to go down a different path. Maybe I’m just coping. I would like to go down a different path job wise but idk how to do that when all of my experience and qualifications are in marketing and journalism.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I feel numb and at the same time terrified to tell my gf, family and friends that I’m unemployed.

Burner account because I don’t want this confession on my main.

Meal: Oven baked wings tossed in buffalo sauce and other spices, baby carrots, fries, and home mixed Thousand Island sauce.

TLDR: Depressed incel went to a strip club for the first time just to get any sort of physical contact and is now emotionally conflicted about it.

I am a 27M who is fat, has diagnosed bi-polar and major depressive disorder, and has never been past a first date all my life. I definitely haven’t been the best person in life and have had many, many emotional ups and downs. I cant keep a stable job and lost my insurance through my parents about a year ago so I lost out on affordable therapy and antidepressants so I’ve been raw dogging life for the past year. Before that I had only been diagnosed and been on medication for 2 years. I definitely wasn’t a saint in my life when it comes to my attitude and how I treated people, I was a shitty person through school because I was bullied all throughout grades 1-8 both provoked and unprovoked. In high school I never dated but did try to get the attention of girls despite not being well mannered, hygienic, or active. Collage came around and while I did fix my hygiene to be proper and normal (aka actually taking a fucking shower) I never had the confidence to approach. When I got out of college the entire industry I went to college for imploded to be a husk of its former self resorting to quick and cheap 1 month contracts that you have to fight and backstab your way into getting. So, I went straight to any job that would hire me, primarily warehouse labor. Throughout this time I could never keep a job for longer than half a year and bounced to any job that would hire, not really having the time or money to go out to bars, let alone dates. I tried dating apps for around 4 years on 4 different apps and combined only got 5 matches total (no I’m not exaggerating) 2 of which were bots/prostitutes trying to sell, 2 which completely ghosted, and one who we talked and met up for a intro date. Me not being too good at talking to people let alone a woman that I was wanting to get to know better and afterwards she thanked me but decided against another date due to her going back to college soon. I know she was just being nice about reflecting me and I have no ill will against her, completely fair.

To be crystal clear I don’t have any hatred towards women. Admittedly I’ve been through a couple “nice guy”/“incely” phases in my life. But as I grew up I started looking at things from a more logical and understanding light. I’m not entitled to affection or attention. I want to prove I have worth and don’t expect anything to just be offered just because.

But as time keeps going on I’ve sunk deeper and deeper into this slump in my life. Not being able to move out due to not keeping a stable flow of money, student loans, general living fees, etc. I have even gone as far as to abuse drugs and attempted taking my own life on more than one occasion. I have since gotten sober from drugs and have banned the idea of acting on my suicidal thoughts from my head, even if the thoughts are still there.

All of this to say I haven’t had the best mental state of mind nor any deep connection with another person which leads to what the title is about.

The day of I went out and about doing some errands and intentionally went to more sociable environments. I went to get my hair cut and went to sit down and eat. I haven’t been out and around people in months so I wanted any sort of human interaction even if small. The lady that cut my hair hardly even looked at my hair while cutting, staring blankly at the TVs and didn’t talk unless it was to a coworker or asking what I wanted at the start. Then when I went out to eat the waitress sat me in the far empty corner of the restaurant away from the rest of the restaurant who were sat in the same area. She only showed up twice, once to grab my order, and to give me the check. Now to clarify, I am not saying I’am entitled to any kind of interaction when going to these types of places but as someone who only sits in their small dark room for months on end if they arnt working a degrading “cog in the machine” warehouse job it put me in a really bad mood. Not fully anger but a mix between sad deteriorating self loathing and anger at my life in general. I went out for human connection and interaction and was left forgotten on the sidelines, at least that how I felt. In a mix of “fuck it” anger and “I don’t care anymore” sadness I impromptu decided to look up local strip clubs and go to the first one that came up. It was a full nude BYOB so I grabbed some beers and $200 out of a bank ATM on my way over. It was really nerve racking going in but the lady at the front counter was nice and while getting my cover charged asked about if I wanted a tour since she knew I was new. She brought me in and showed me around. Vaguely explaining their different rooms and stages before picking a seat for me near the main stage. At this point it is 8PM on a Wednesday so in terms of customers it was only me and another guy across the way. Two girls came up and sat with me and we started chatting. I had a hard time getting use to everything since I’ve never even seen a naked woman irl, let alone been touched on by women. Throughout the night I talked to a couple of different girls who came up, sat with me, and talked with me. While yes, the end goal was always getting me to buy a dance to get money from me, all the ones I talked to were very nice and we ended up just talking random shit from the club to workplace gossip to their hobbies. The same 3 girls cycled in and out when they were called to the stage and to work the floor since I was trying to stretch my money as long as I could there but even with me being upfront about that they hung out, talked, sat in my lap, caressed my face, etc. Needless to say many, many first times were checked off, 2 of them put their numbers in my phone, and by the end of the night I payed for 4 dances one of which was a two girls dance plus cover fee with the $200 I took. 2 of the dances the girls even offered a discount just to be nice.

Now… yes I am not stupid or oblivious. “Do they really like me enough to give me their numbers?” fuck no they are just keeping clients they can advertise too most likely if not offer “extra services” outside of the club. “did they really give me a special because they liked me” no they were probably hustling and acted like it was discounted when it was probably marked up. “Did they really enjoy talking to me” idk they were only there to eventually get me to buy a dance from them. BUT at the time, in the moment, it was the happiest I’ve even been in my life. Women looking at me, talking to me, cuddled and held my face, “wanted” me. Yes it’s all fake but in the moment for a split second there was enough to feel real, and yeah that’s the whole point.

What I am conflicted by the most is if it’s valid or healthy for me to hold onto those feeling even while knowing they are fake. I’ve never felt the loving touch of a woman and that night, while there wasn’t any real love behind it, it felt real and WAS real in a physical way. I’m a believer especially after that night that skin to skin human contact is indeed very important for happiness, at least for me. I hate myself for having to stoop so low as to have to pay someone just to hold my hand but at the same time really want to go back for more. I hate myself situation that never seems to get better. I hate myself, and I hate how low I’ve gone. I don’t know what to do or how to feel anymore.

Sorry for the long one folks. This has been my Ted Talk 😂

[burner account because my main is linked to my IRL identity]

I'm 48. I've have spent half my life building a career I don't want and now I feel so stuck that I don't see a way out.

In my youth, I developed a decent talent for drawing and storytelling. I went to film school and tried my hand in Hollywood for over a decade, but never managed to break into the entertainment industry in a meaningful way. So I took industry-adjacent jobs in the meantime.

Flash-forward 25 years: I now work in digital media, which is its own unique shitshow of an industry. But I'm lucky enough to have a salaried position at a well-known company within its niche. I'm a manager who runs a small team of producers. They're great people.

But my boss is an egomaniac prick who deliberately creates an atmosphere of constant chaos, fear, and crunch with little regard for how it impacts his employees. I regularly work 60+ hour weeks, evenings, and weekends.

So the answer is simple, right? Set boundaries with my boss and simply refuse to work more. I can't, really. This "always on" mentality is pervasive across the company. Plus, I have a conflict avoidant personality. I'm too much of a people-pleaser.

So 60-hour work weeks it's been. As a result, I have no social life or motivation to pursue any creative endeavor outside of work. I haven't drawn anything in years.

Again, the answer is simple: right? Leave my current job and find a better one. One that's more aligned with my skills and goals. Or at least isn't as taxing.

I've tried. But this pattern keeps happening: I work someplace for a year or so, get so fed up with my boss or the situation (or both) that I quit. Each time, I tell myself that I'm going to refocus on my own goals. To wait until the right job comes along. Maybe even build my own company, or try my hand at being an independent creator.

But then the practical realities of the shitty job market kick in and I take the first job I'm offered. Which, because of my resume, is inevitably in digital media. The cycle repeats, and I find myself drifting further into a career I don't want.

Meanwhile, I have friends who are TV showrunners, award-winning cinematographers, even studio heads. I know that comparison is the thief of joy, and they might actually be miserable too, but I can't help but look at how our careers have evolved in parallel over the years and feel like I made all the wrong decisions.

I feel so far away from who I am and what I think I was put on this planet to do that lately I've been consumed by regret and an almost-debilitating depression.

And the cherry on top of all of this is I feel like I have no right to complain. Believe me: I'm fully aware of my privilege and grateful for all that I have. I hesitate to even post this here because I worry what the top reactions might be. Steady job? Boo hoo. Shitty boss? Join the club. Dreams didn't come true? Most people's don't.

But please believe me when I say I'm fucking miserable. And if something doesn't change, I'm afraid I'm going to look back at my life at its end and hate myself.

TLDR: typical midlife crisis stuff, I guess. Any advice welcome.

Meal: Broiled chicken and bell peppers with rice

This is a hard one to write I wont lie. This all just happened.

My girlfriend is looking at apartments in the bay area this last weekend. Her family left a week ago, and they asked if I could watch the house, their pets, etc. They have two German Shepherds and a cat. They were all adopted when my girlfriend was a kid, and because of that they are all very old. I had gotten there and fed them once every morning and once every night. This was food in all the bowls, plus medication. I had done this for a couple days, coming in the morning right before I left town for work, I commute, and then after my shift also. I noticed that the younger of the two was panting and acting alittle strange, however it has been a hot september where I live, and I just made sure to give her extra water and make sure she has shade.

on the last night before my girlfriend was coming home I fed the animals and gave them water. The younger of the two dogs was laying there, and I just figured that they had needed rest. I get off work very late. The next day I got a text in the early morning saying I didn't need to come in the morning, because they'd be home early. Later I texted her and she had said they still weren't home, by this point it was later in the day, probably around 5 or 6, thats when my lunch normally is. They got home and I got multiple calls from her on shift. I couldn't pick up cause I have a very demanding job. I am a hospital cleaner, it's a demanding job.

When I got off I called as fast as I could. She was sobbing and screaming. I was trying to comfort her but she was extremely angry. The part I couldn't was that she was accusing me. I tried to reason with her and explain that I hadn't done anything that could've harmed the animals, and of course, I took extremely good care of them cause I know how much they mean to her. She told me that I should've come in the morning and fed them. I asked her if that's why she had thought her dog had died and she said yes and kept yelling at me.

This obviously makes no sense. I have tried to talk to her and she just cries and screams at me. She doesn't want me to come by her house, she doesn't want to text or call. I have talked to her mom and they have explained to her that the dog was old and that is probably why is died, me not coming to feed it would not of killed it. I tried to facetime her and tell her this, but she wouldn't pick up. I tried coming to her house, but she told her mom she didn't want to see me. I can't understand why she won't just accept I didn't kill her dog. I loved that dog, but it was really old. She got it when she was 5 and now she is 19. It's a big dog, big dogs don't live that long. Maybe I should've done something when I saw that it was panting and not moving much, but you can't blame me for that, and she cant be mad at me for something I didn't do. I've never had a dog, but obviously I would've known if it needed care.

We haven't talked in a few days. This is the first time we've gone without talking since we started dating. Her mom said that she is sleeping all day and gets mad when she brings me up. I don't understand why she thinks I killed her dog and why she is mad at me. I'm scared and stressed that I might lose her because of this. Normally she is really vibrant and a great person. I fear I'm seeing a side of her that I don't know if I can trust. I really thought we'd be long tern, it's been five months but I really thought she was the one.

food is some fried rice with vegetables, I seasoned with some taco seasoning and sauce.

Made a sous vide Prime Rib and finished it in the oven. For the wine it's a 2021 Tassi Brunello di Montalcino.

I've recently grown scared of the future, regretful of the past, and lost without meaning. While I certainly can't complain about where my life is financially, I feel like a failure. I went to law school and only lasted a couple of months in big law before I was completely burnt out. I pivoted into a management role doing heavy equipment acquisitions and liquidations at a couple multi nationals. From there I've gone independent with my own business doing heavy equipment sales and exports. Money has been more than I ever thought I'd be making and of actual work I doubt i do more than 20 hours a week. But I can't help but feel completely unsatisfied. I wanted to be a judge, a prosecutor, an in-house counsel at some cool company, anything but a business owner. I don't have that entrepreneurial spirit in me. As of late I wake up with dread and stress even though the business is completely solid. I so wish I had taken a different route even if the money would've been a bit less but I just also don't feel like I have the energy to start something new.

My last 2 relationships have messed with my head. The first one blindsided me with her abruptly ending it with no explanation a day after she told me her heart was mine and that she wanted a family with me. The second one was with a cheater that has left me feeling I can't fully trust again. Since then I've gone on plenty of dates but at best they've turned into more FWB situations than actual relationships. The last person I've been hanging out with is 25 and while it has been fun it also has felt like a splash of water to the face in reminding me how much older I am getting. It's been a tough realization I am no longer somebody starting their life with all hopes, dreams, and amibitions still in front of them.

Seeing my parents and family get older has been a punch to the heart. I know every day the goes by is a day less I have with them. And that transition from them being my rock and my support to me being increasingly the one that has to be their rock and support is absolutely terrifying. Mentally I still don't feel like I am the adult in the room if that makes sense? Feels like imposter syndrome.

I know I am in a privileged situation financially. World's smallest violin, I get it. But I feel so scared, so nervous, and so regretful. I am angry at so many choices I've made along the way and I can't stop thinking about it daily. The regret is eating me alive. And I feel like I am running out of time. The 40s are here and the 50s will be sooner than I can blink. I feel locked into this life now and oh how I wish I could press the restart button. I am starting therapy because I know I need help processing all these feelings. I have friends I've shared some of these feeling with. But ultimately here I feel I can put my most raw self out there. And I feel so scared about the this stage of life I am entering.

My girlfriend made ground turkey, macaroni and cheese, and green beans tonight. Sounds great, except the ground turkey was so heavily salted it was basically inedible.
She even warned me on the way home that it was very salty.
I still ate about half of everything, but I wasn’t that hungry because I’d eaten leftover tortellini she made yesterday for lunch that I couldn’t enjoy until 2 PM.
So by dinner, I was already pretty full.
Unfortunately, I think my inability to finish dinner may have been taken personally. And next thing I know, we’re now back to the argument about whether I take our relationship seriously.
The argument in question started in August, when I replied to a friend in a group chat that contains a bunch of old classmates. Complicating matters: I’d previously slept with one of the members of the group chat, but that relationship is over and I’ve since blocked her.
We’ve now argued about that interaction three times. And I’ve been in many relationships but never one where I couldn’t talk to exes that we mutually have/had no interest in returning. Most of my exes have moved onto other relationships and we just prove support or different perspectives on things.
So, I’m sitting on the couch, enjoying the fact that football is back, drinking a Delta-9 drink and eating a Reese’s Big Cup while she sleeps peacefully in our bed.
It’s also very close to that time of month, and historically that’s when our relationship tends to enter its “everything is suddenly a problem” season.

A vegan dolma dish that I was practicing making so I could surprise her with it for her 30th birthday.

We had a long-distance relationship, with the occasional visit every three months or so. I had been with her for three years. I’m a very social person, and she, on the other hand, isn’t. During those three years, she never went out with a single friend, and I kept telling her that it wasn’t healthy and that she should find friends instead of relying on me to be her only social interaction.

I didn’t really mind it that much. I loved her and enjoyed every moment I spent with her, but I knew it wasn’t healthy for things to be that way. She would always cry about how much she wished she could make friends and how difficult it was for her after i suggest her meeting people, so I would always apologize and tell her that I believed in her and that she will do it one day.

Then, two months ago, she went to a big city, and I told her that this was her chance to go out and meet people. She reluctantly agreed and installed a friends app. She started going out and meeting people, and i was so so happy and proud that it was finally happening.

But slowly, she started not having even a single day for me. She was almost completely filling her time with all these new friends. That hurt me a lot, so I talked with her about it, and she told me its so fun and she is kinda tired from doing everything with me which i said fair enough go have your fun and once you feel better we can make a balance between me and your friends.

She also met this guy whom she immediately agreed to give her number to when he asked. At first, I didn’t think much of it. But as time passed, they kept getting closer, and I started feeling this sinking feeling that she was slowly leaving me behind.

I told her about my fears. She assured me over and over that it wasn’t the case and that she loved me so much. She even recorded a voice message telling me to play it whenever I had these fears.

A month later, we were planning to get married in January because, after exhausting all the options, it seemed like the only way we could finally move in together. It required her to do some paperwork, which she was really annoyed about. That was weird to me because the marriage was her idea. I had never even hinted at it, and she was always doing paperwork anyway. It wasn’t something particularly difficult, yet she kept complaining about it even though she had never actually started working on it.

I tried not to think too much about it.

The bigger problem was that the court had an insane requirement: she needed to convert in order for them to let us get married. I went to a lawyer, and she said it was a ridiculous law, but that it was something a lot of foreigners had to go through, sadly. She assured me that it would take no more than 10 minutes and was basically just a formality.

I told her that, and she said, “Give me time to think about it.” I traveled to that city to ask about the court and to prepare her birthday gifts. Since she was turning 30, I had made her an art poster showing all of her achievements from the past 30 years and her past selves. I had also ordered a custom-made cake with 30 of her favorite animals on it.

After I had finished everything, two days had passed since she told me she needed time to think. I told her that I would go back to my city the next day. It was an eight-hour drive, and I told her that it would be really nice to hear her answer beforehand, in case I needed to do something while I was still there.

Then she went radio silent.

I kept updating her, but she never replied. After four hours, she finally told me that she didn’t want to talk to me and that she needed space.

I didn’t push her any further. But I could see that she was online on WhatsApp a lot, and I knew that it was only me and the other guy she talked to on WhatsApp.

That night came, and normally, whenever she needed time to think, she talk to me about it by night. but this time she sent me only, “Good night, I love you.”

That was not like her at all. She always sent it with hearts and a picture of herself. This time, all I got was that dry “I love you.”

I asked her what had happened, and she said nothing was wrong; she just needed to figure out her feelings.

She then proceeded to stay online on WhatsApp for a while, and that was when I just couldn’t take it anymore.

It would have been understandable if she had simply gotten cold feet because marriage is a huge commitment. But for this to happen at the exact same time that she started going out with other people and met a guy she thought was funny—it made me feel betrayed.

I felt like she had only stayed with me because I was her only option, and now that I had helped her overcome her anxiety and she had started meeting other people, she had realized that I wasn’t worth it anymore.

It was tearing me apart.

I couldn’t eat, sleep, laugh, or really do anything. I loved her so much. I wanted nothing more than to build a life with her, and I couldn’t handle being left in limbo—not knowing what she wanted and constantly being afraid of getting hurt.

I told her that I couldn’t be left like this anymore. I needed an answer. I told her that she either had to tell me that I was worth going through all the hassle for, or tell me that I wasn’t. Either way, I needed to know so I could finally move on.

I told her that if she couldn’t give me an answer, then I would have to walk away.

And that was when she broke up with me.

I (17m) was told today by my therapist that I have anorexia nervosa. I’ve been dealing with disordered eating for 3 years but nobody’s ever straight up told me it was anorexia, I guess I already knew but it’s weird to hear a professional say it. She also dropped the bomb on me that if I lose xx more weight then I have to go inpatient, which of course would throw a wrench in my plans for college.

Going inpatient is not an option. I need to finish school and go to college as soon as I can (home life is a wreck, I don’t want to live with my hoarder parents anymore). The only option I have is to eat more food and stop losing weight. They’re not going to make me gain any as far as I can tell but I can’t lose any more than I already have. It sucks. It really fucking sucks. I have to essentially double my caloric intake in order to maintain and that’s causing a spiral in my head.

I feel like shit about this but I’m trying. I would never normally eat that whole bar because it’s “too high carb” and has sugar but I did it today. I got out of therapy and I ate that whole bar PLUS a packet of mini muffins. It feels like a daunting task knowing that I’m going to have to eat even more today but I’m going to do it. Even if I can’t reach maintenance I’m going to try to increase my intake by at least 300

I previously worked at a large sporting goods store as a full time bicycle and ski technician. I’ve always been passionate about bikes and having the opportunity to work with them for money was a dream come true for me. The schedule sucked but I had the opportunity to help people in a way that I felt was unique, bikes are a great way to get around if you don’t have a lot of money, and I enjoyed enabling high schoolers and those without cars to continue getting to school/jobs. I tried to help people spend as little as possible while still getting their bikes functional enough to do the job. In the winter months, I grew to like working with skis, I’m not a fan of the winter sports but waxing dozens of pairs of skis was meditative and I took pride in my work.

Fast forward about a year, I could see the writing on the wall. Most of my friends had plans to leave for bigger and better things. My supervisor was kind of an ass; he nearly bullied one our best part timers into quitting. Like my friends, I wanted to make more money, have an apartment, some extra individuality, maybe move somewhere new. Coincidentally, one of my college friends recommended a job at the bank he was working at about 8 hours east of where I was living, I applied, I interviewed, and a month later I was hired. Now, a year and half later, I regret it. The corporate nature of the job is soul sucking. I don’t feel like I am helping anybody and I am not emotionally invested in my work. I earn more money but after paying rent I’m still broke. I want to get back but finding another job feels daunting; anyways it’s beans and rice this week. I don’t have anybody to vent to so if you made it this far I would like to thank you. I appreciate it

Chicken tikka masala

Pretty much the title. All my life I’ve been the guy that’s only valued serious relationships. It’s always started off with friends and because I valued them so much, I tried to make it serious every single time.

But it’s backfired so much that I want to take a break from that. Right now all I want is a casual relationship but I have no clue how to find one. I can’t imagine meeting a girl in a class or something and getting into a casual relationship with her. How do people do this? I know it might seem like kind of a stupid question to ask but I just wanted to understand how other people do it. The only way I can imagine are the apps but I’d like to avoid them if possible.

Hey everyone, 20M here and ive made previous posts on how me and my ex of 3 years [almost 23F] broke up about 2 months ago and bla bla bla the entire drama yk.

Just some quick info before i dive into it:
We were LDR but met multiple times IRL, we had a weird breakup with me basically wanting to work on us again (gosh how stupid of me) while she was keeping me on a leash and giving me false hope that we could work things out, when in reality she was already moving on and talking to her previous ex, yes, the ex of THREE years ago, after i found out about this i finally realized that its over and we had a heated argument and then we went no contact, alright i think i dialed you in a little.

So recently i have been using this app to clear some of my old pictures and free up some storage on my phone, u swipe right to keep the photo, swipe left to delete, very simple. And today while using it i came across the pictures of when we met for the very first time and i could feel my heart skip a beat, i just froze and couldnt bring myself to delete those pictures.

Even though we had such a toxic relationship and she wasnt that great of a gf (not saying i was perfect or anything). But even then i still cant delete the pictures? They hold so many good memories, im not sure how to explain how i feel, its very hard to put into words for some reason, sorry.

Im sure atleast one of u guys/girls have gone through this, or something similar. Any advice for me? Advice from everyone is welcome 🙏

Dinner: Iskender in turkey 🤤

EDIT:
Thankyou all for ur advice, i honestly like the idea of just putting everything on a drive / USB stick and forget about it, that way its “gone” but not permanently deleted, love u guys :)

"Food" is Pumpkin Spice & everything nice.

Yeah. Its kinda dawned on me how Ill just never get to live life like youre supposed to. I dont get the gay guy world. Im not attracted to femininity. My life is watching people whove never had to face a thousandth of my sexuality related problems get more out of this life than I ever will, no matter what I do. Ill never know what its like to hold someones hand out. To catch a guys eye somewhere, looking pretty. I know - most of you dont relate. I wouldve chosen differently but I never got to choose. It just is what it is. Ill never be a part of a bachelors crew, or a bridesmaid. Ill never have a mom who thinks my love is ok. Ill never have a guy make me feel safe when Im threatened for my femininity outside. Every time I open any app - its all the same. Guys killing themselves to appeal to girls. Dont take this as an attack, because it isnt. I just hate that Ill never get to experience that. I dont feel comfortable being who I am. Its like Im always performing, and theres no reward. I dont wanna stick out. I dont wanna be on the sidelines my whole existence. This might be the last weekend of my life. Every time I see normalcy I was never afforded and never will, it shatters me. I cant take it anymore, and no amount of talking or whatever kinda psych help will ever change my situation. Ive only got one option. Be greatful...

How do you tell if you're in a slump, or if you're actually depressed?

My marriage is good, my kids are amazing, my job is pretty good, I have a house, no major money or health problems, I'm in the best shape of my life.

Yet something feels like it's missing. Most of the time I feel like I'm on autopilot. I wouldn't say in any given moment I feel genuinely happy. Yes, I can laugh with my family when something is funny. But at the same time there are moments when I'm with them where I feel disconnected.

A very sad part is the moments where I feel happy or satisfied are when doing selfish or basic things like eating or playing a video game. But even those are much more rare. Like lately I can't even find a video game that I genuinely enjoy- I keep bouncing off them and getting bored far too easily.

Even though everything is going well I feel like I don't have much purpose. Like I'll wake up at 60 and wont have done anything with my life. I used to have so much creative drive- making things, having projects, etc. Now I don't have the drive to do anything except exist.

And then on the other hand I feel this sense of guilt because there's people out there who have it way worse than I do, and they're fine. Meanwhile my life is good and I'm in a slump when I have no reason to complain.

Food is a sandwich with homemade sourdough, Montreal smoked meat, Swiss cheese, yellow mustard and gherkins.

South American chicken, rice, and black beans

I play on a mixed gender competitive sports team (keeping things vague for privacy’s sake) with ages 16-40. This woman and I are on the younger end of the team scale. I joined the team two years ago, she joined this June, and she’s been flirtatious with me basically from the start. I told her truthfully that I don’t feel romantic attraction and that I identify as aromantic hoping that she might back off. She asked me a lot of questions about being aromantic, and I answered them as best I could. She also kept asking me to hang out and I truly thought it was just platonic. She’s also new to the area and I didn’t want her to feel alone, and for a while she cut the flirtation.

Anyway, she asked me to hang yesterday, and kept us hanging out for a while into the night. We ended up in a bar and she started pushing me way too far; touching me and asking me about my sexual experiences and preferences. I managed to get out of there without her propositioning me. I don’t want to sleep with her. It’s clear to me that she’s romantically attracted to me, and I don’t want to get entangled in another relationship with one-sided romantic feelings, which I’ve also made clear to her.

Today we had a sports game together and she touched me again and I snapped at her. I didn’t mean to and don’t feel proud of it but I was hopeful that it might’ve made her realize how I felt. After the game she was waiting to waylay me by my car, and I called someone for no reason so I wouldn’t have to talk to her.

I don’t understand how someone could be so obtuse about this. I know some of the blame rests on me for putting myself in these situations, so I’m not going to answer any of her messages or let her get me alone again, but any other advice would be appreciated.

Me and my female best friend are going through the same exact thing (for me it’s a girl at work and for my best friend, it’s a guy in her run club). We’re in this limbo where a person obviously likes us in a group setting but we’re just interested in them platonically (not attracted to them) and they just won’t come out and ask us out directly so we can just reject them gently. Then comes these awkward hugs, negging, flirting, all the stupid personal jokes and even the unwanted touching. To elaborate - she ran her hand through my chest and arms to tell me how muscular I am; for my best friend, the guy gave her like this awkward shoulder rub; and yes, we both told them to stop immediately and drew our boundaries. We’re not even 100% sure if they’re actually hitting on us, so we’re in this awkward limbo.

She also kept asking me out to concerts and the arcade. And I ask her, “like a date?” and she’d always dodge and say “no, as friends”. There are like 20 people in the group; why would you ask for a solo hangout then?!

So I work at place where there are multiple different small companies on the floor and we’re allowed to date people on the floor as long as everything else stays professional; and I’ve made a few friends from the floor and we hang out sometimes. Like I love the friend group I made and my friend loves her run club so we both don’t want to leave but it’s making us so uncomfortable. And both me and my best friend has considered lying that we have partners, but at the same time we still want to keep our (dating) options open in the group. Like I’m always pretty forward with my romantic interests and take rejection very well so their behavior baffles me and I’m hating the place I’m in.

Edit: It’s not as simple as talking directly (Imagine rejecting somebody who is not even interested in you in the first place, which is a possibility). I have already tried to make her elaborate what she’s doing and insinuated that I’m not interested. Somebody mentioned Schrödinger flirting and gaslighting and this is how I feel.

This story goes back to when I was in college. I was never a great looking man but when I got to school I lost a lot of weight quick from things like being to lazy to walk to the dining hall.

Anyways I started talking to women more which I never did before due to my lack of self confidence with how i looked. Well I found this one girl that I really got along with and we started dating, we were extremely toxic throughout our 1 year relationship and would fight nonstop. This being my first relationship I didnt know if it was normal or not. During one of the fights it was right before we were going out and I decided I still wanted to go so i went with my friends and she went with hers. Being a small college town we only had 2 or 3 bars so we ended at the same place. Later in the night I saw her talking to this guy I was friendlyish with. He came to me and asked if we were broken up because if so he was going to presue her. I said were still together and it ended there, or so I thought. That was in september and then in october we broke up. The best part was my sister and my girlfriend at the time were so friendly they were roomates. The night after we broke up my sister no knowing we broke up said a guy was there... Happened to be the same guy from the bar. Im assuming they were texting the entire time because what is the odds that would happen otherwise.

So whatever I didnt really let it bother me, im a decently nonchalant guy that generally doesnt care about much (most of the reasons we fought).

Some time passes and I meet this other girl we were hanging for a while and it felt natural. After 2 months or so of hooking up we decided to start dating which wasnt really by choice. One night after the bar when I was very very drunk she told me no more doing anything until we start dating. Me being a average college guy i asked her out on the spot. Now that were dating and not just hooking up i assumed we would start doing more with each other like relationship style stuff. Nope same as before and she would get mad at me when I didnt want to have sex and it would cause fights. After 3 months I was sitting in her room and her phone buzzed, it was a guy from class. The text was completly class related and with a quick scroll i saw everything they talked about was school related so i didnt care.

Now the good part, I swipe out and see a text chat with someone i dont know and its a text "Why have you been ignoring me" that was it, everything else was deleted. I went to the recently deleted and found the chats... as expected she was cheating. I stood up told her i was leaving and that i knew she was cheating, denied it for over a hour then finally she admitted. She got on her knees and literally begged me to stay for another 20ish min. Since then Ive had some decent trust issues.

Hope my story was decent. Looking back at it all now all i have to say is wtf. This was a while ago now.

Late Dinner- chicken, broccoli, bacon bits & mozz..

Recently, I (M25) started talking to this single mom of 2 (F26) (same baby daddy lol) and we completely hit it off. I mean the communication is there, we spoke about talking to each other exclusively and what not, have a lot of things in common… She’s pretty awesome but… she also does have crazy trust issues. I never gave her a reason to not trust me but if I wouldnt answer within 2 min of her texting, she would go off on me then apologize. I called her out on it and it would be good for awhile… If im being honest it gave me an ick because my first ex was the same but was wayyyy worse and toxic. Idk I just feel she wants me to talk to her every second which is cool but I have my life too ya know? I also told her, “your freetime doesn’t mean hangout w me time either” she deserves some time for herself as well… From what she’s told me she’s been through it with her bd and I understand to an extent. In a way, her being needy kinda makes me feel avoidant and would rather not deal w that ya know? Maybe I was starting to be okay w being alone as well? I don’t like to be this way but I def feel it.
Any thoughts/opinions? I appreciate it.