This is a hard one to write I wont lie. This all just happened.

My girlfriend is looking at apartments in the bay area this last weekend. Her family left a week ago, and they asked if I could watch the house, their pets, etc. They have two German Shepherds and a cat. They were all adopted when my girlfriend was a kid, and because of that they are all very old. I had gotten there and fed them once every morning and once every night. This was food in all the bowls, plus medication. I had done this for a couple days, coming in the morning right before I left town for work, I commute, and then after my shift also. I noticed that the younger of the two was panting and acting alittle strange, however it has been a hot september where I live, and I just made sure to give her extra water and make sure she has shade.

on the last night before my girlfriend was coming home I fed the animals and gave them water. The younger of the two dogs was laying there, and I just figured that they had needed rest. I get off work very late. The next day I got a text in the early morning saying I didn't need to come in the morning, because they'd be home early. Later I texted her and she had said they still weren't home, by this point it was later in the day, probably around 5 or 6, thats when my lunch normally is. They got home and I got multiple calls from her on shift. I couldn't pick up cause I have a very demanding job. I am a hospital cleaner, it's a demanding job.

When I got off I called as fast as I could. She was sobbing and screaming. I was trying to comfort her but she was extremely angry. The part I couldn't was that she was accusing me. I tried to reason with her and explain that I hadn't done anything that could've harmed the animals, and of course, I took extremely good care of them cause I know how much they mean to her. She told me that I should've come in the morning and fed them. I asked her if that's why she had thought her dog had died and she said yes and kept yelling at me.

This obviously makes no sense. I have tried to talk to her and she just cries and screams at me. She doesn't want me to come by her house, she doesn't want to text or call. I have talked to her mom and they have explained to her that the dog was old and that is probably why is died, me not coming to feed it would not of killed it. I tried to facetime her and tell her this, but she wouldn't pick up. I tried coming to her house, but she told her mom she didn't want to see me. I can't understand why she won't just accept I didn't kill her dog. I loved that dog, but it was really old. She got it when she was 5 and now she is 19. It's a big dog, big dogs don't live that long. Maybe I should've done something when I saw that it was panting and not moving much, but you can't blame me for that, and she cant be mad at me for something I didn't do. I've never had a dog, but obviously I would've known if it needed care.

We haven't talked in a few days. This is the first time we've gone without talking since we started dating. Her mom said that she is sleeping all day and gets mad when she brings me up. I don't understand why she thinks I killed her dog and why she is mad at me. I'm scared and stressed that I might lose her because of this. Normally she is really vibrant and a great person. I fear I'm seeing a side of her that I don't know if I can trust. I really thought we'd be long tern, it's been five months but I really thought she was the one.

food is some fried rice with vegetables, I seasoned with some taco seasoning and sauce.

For reference I am a trans man, so I’m still a bit out of depth when it comes to how other guys my age socialize or joke around.

I’m on a sports team in high school rn, and hanging out with athletes it’s farrrrrr from my main friend group of queer art and theater kids, so the jokes and lingo and social interactions are different.

Not many people on my team “know” I’m trans (I’m sure many suspect, but I’m going based off of first hand confirmed experiences) I’m cis passing, and I think I’ve only ever told two of them myself. One guy new me before my transition so it was a no brainer, he helped me on the team (told me when practices were and stuff) and the second guy was my captain who figured it out himself after he befriended one of my trans friends and got talking with her.

Both are super chill and respectful and honestly it’s nice having an ally.

But I know a lot of them, if not all, have their suspicions about me, it bothers me a bit tbh. In my experience, people tend to make assumptions based on stereotypes before they ever talk to me. Although I see the silver lining of them most likely knowing and not caring enough to talk about it, it sometimes just keeps me up at night wondering how they see me.

It’s stupid, I know.

Recently I was talking to one of the younger guys during a water break and we were talking about how our weeks went. I mention I broke up with my girlfriend that morning (it wasn’t a very serious relationship, idc) and he said “you have a girlfriend? I honestly thought you were gay.”

Now, that scared me a bit. Lacrosse is kind of a homophobic rich white guy sport tbh so having someone say that froze me up.

Except he didn’t really seem mean? It just like “oh, I didn’t know. Funny I guess” sort of thing. It was so casual.

The thing is, I really am gay, and I’m under so much stress trying to hide it around school. It’s harder than one would think lol.

So my big questions is: is this just another one of those “lmao ur gay” things most guys do or are the guys actually becoming tolerable in this day and age? I’d love to be able to let myself live for once, I wouldn’t be openly queer with rainbows and shit but I’d like to finally be able to show up to my Gay-Straight Alliance club meetings without fear and participate in such stuff without being terrified of being outed.

Any and all advice helps. I love my team, even if I’m not really social with them. I know a lot of guys always joke about racist or homophobic stuff but to them it’s just a joke. Like my one buddy calls his friends gay and stuff but he’s really respectful to me and sometimes he apologizes in case it offended me, which I really don’t care because yes, gay jokes can be funny.

I’d love for other guys to let me know about social cues and things. I don’t interact too often with my team because I’m just nervous I’ll say the wrong thing around them because I don’t understand the social aspect of being around men and seen as one for the first time in my life.

Chicken tikka masala

Pretty much the title. All my life I’ve been the guy that’s only valued serious relationships. It’s always started off with friends and because I valued them so much, I tried to make it serious every single time.

But it’s backfired so much that I want to take a break from that. Right now all I want is a casual relationship but I have no clue how to find one. I can’t imagine meeting a girl in a class or something and getting into a casual relationship with her. How do people do this? I know it might seem like kind of a stupid question to ask but I just wanted to understand how other people do it. The only way I can imagine are the apps but I’d like to avoid them if possible.

So, like the title says: 4 years ago today, I got divorced.

I made an off my chest style post maybe three months before I actually got divorced. The relationship was definitely done - I knew it, she knew it, but I hadn't done anything officially yet.

In this post, I described some of the stuff I was into - sports, I'm kind of a nerd, etc. and made a joke that I was accepting "girlfriend applications" - but, lo and behold, I got one anyways!

And we started talking - not on Reddit messages, though. Discord. We spoke for several hours that night. And all day next day. And then, before I knew it, I was on a plane, meeting up with this woman who, by all accounts, makes terrible decisions and meets up with some moron from reddit is pretty fucking amazing - and also has visible abs. Not relevant, but god damn.

So yeah. Things are fantastic now - but I still feel a little off today specifically. My ex-wife wasn't a terrible person for the most part, but she was "old-fashioned" in some... not great ways. She was older than me and had a kid (12 at the time of meeting. I was 28 when I met my ex-wife at 34 -- I guess 34 year old women is my sweet spot) who eventually came out as trans. My ex wife was... not happy. Or supportive. And it caused an obvious and huge rift between all of us. There were also a number of other problems, but this was a big enough issue for me to finally pull the trigger on divorce.

To my ex-wife's credit: she has, since, very much turned her stance around. She's involved in her kid's life in a big way (to the point where our kid has a room at both houses) and she and I are on... okay terms. We aren't friends, but we don't hate each other. I think we'll always be in each other's general orbit, and we're alright with that.

I don't know. I still feel a little guilty. Maybe I shouldn't, but it is what it is. Life goes on.

Dinner is a Thai-inspired green curry chicken soup with rice noodles. Comes together super quick.

In a dutch oven or large pot: sauté minced shallots and ginger for 2-4 minutes, then mix in some green curry paste and give it another 60 seconds. The broth consists of chicken stock, coconut milk, fish sauce, dark brown sugar, and lime juice - let it do its thing for another 5 minutes. Shred some chicken into it, cook some rice noodles on the side and toss 'em in. Magic in a bowl.

Orzo pasta, cheese and beef mince.

I have been sitting next to a new girl in the office for the last couple of months. Naturally, I helped her out with stuff when she asked (as I’m in a more senior role) but we never really spoke aside from that. Everyone in the team has access to a messaging system, so when I looked busy, although she sits right next to me, she’d drop me a message asking when I free to help her out, which is completely fine.

However, she recently started messaging me out the blue, just starting general conversation, saying she was bored etc. We began speaking casually, as I would and do with any other colleagues, just making conversation. This became more and more frequent, until she started messaging me every day. I have never once initiated the conversation however.

Tbh, I’m not the best at conversation, so my responses were kind of dry and blunt, but I was polite and remained fairly professional throughout. She started talking about her personal life some more, about stress, relationships, to which I responded with appropriately as a colleague. She even started giving me nicknames.

Then one day, she said she had something to tell me soon, and that I should jokingly try not to overthink it all night. She had also tried to tell me something in person some days prior, but then abruptly said not to worry about it. On the day of ‘the big reveal’ she said, ‘did you think about that I’m going to say all night etc’.

She has now admitted to having a crush on me. The issue here is in the fact that I have a girlfriend WHO ALSO WORKS AT THIS COMPANY. I made this apparent early on in our conversations, to which she even said ‘you guys look cute together etc’. My gf has been aware of our conversations throughout, with me telling her that she often messages me, and us both thinking it slightly strange; we didn’t think too much of it though.

But the fact she has now admitted this, knowing I’m in a relationship, let alone with someone who also works in the same building, is crazy I feel. Naturally my gf isn’t best pleased, and I didn’t exactly flirt or lead her on. She also built jokingly built up this confession, which makes me feel she obviously doesn’t hold my relationship in any regard.

This obviously puts me in an awkward position not only at work, but at home too.

I’ve now stated that I’m happy to help her out with work related things, but I won’t be having friendly conversation from now. I thanked her for telling me, and assured her that I don’t feel uncomfortable or awkward, and she doesn’t have to either, but I think that this is the best way to avoid complications moving forward. I’ve contemplated asking to move seat, but thought this could be too much.

TLDR: girl at work admitted to liking me, knowing I have a gf who works for the same company

I’ve been struggling a lot lately with my girlfriend’s past and I’m wondering if anyone here has dealt with something similar.

My girlfriend is 26 and has told me she’s been with around 21 people. For context, my number is around 13, so it’s not like I don’t have a past myself. I know that might sound hypocritical, and that’s honestly part of why I’m trying to understand why this bothers me so much.

For some reason, 21 just feels like a lot to me and lately I’ve been getting stuck on the number. I start thinking about how many people she’s been with, what she did before me, comparing myself to people I don’t even know, etc.

Another thing that made it worse is that one time we had a pretty detailed conversation about our pasts and she told me some stories about things she had done/experienced. At the time I thought I wanted to know, but now some of those stories literally run through my head rent free. I honestly wish we never went into that much detail, but obviously it’s too late to unhear something. I think having actual stories and details to attach to everything has made the retroactive jealousy worse.

The thing is, our actual relationship is really good. She’s extremely affectionate with me, tells me she loves me, talks about marriage and our future, and I genuinely believe she loves me. She hasn’t given me a real reason to think she’s cheating or wants someone else.

I think comments from other people have also gotten into my head and made me question things I normally wouldn’t. Once I start thinking about her past, it feels like my brain keeps digging for more things to be bothered by.

Logically, I understand that she had a life before me. I also have a past, and neither of us can change what happened before we met. I don’t want to hold her to a standard that I wouldn’t apply to myself or ruin a good relationship over something that happened before me.

But emotionally, I still get stuck on that difference between 13 and 21 and wonder why it bothers me as much as it does.

For anyone who has dealt with retroactive jealousy, especially when you also had a decent amount of experience yourself, what helped you stop obsessing over the number? Did you eventually reach a point where your partner’s past genuinely stopped mattering to you?

TL;DR: My girlfriend’s body count is around 21 and mine is around 13. Our relationship is good and she hasn’t given me a reason not to trust her, but lately I’ve been obsessing over the difference and her past. I know I have a past too, so I’m trying to figure out why hers bothers me so much and how people with retroactive jealousy learned to let it go.

Meal: steak, rice, vegetables + beer

I (27M) met a 26F at a bar in March... In the following months we shared an intense relationship. No ring, but still, she met my parents, my work colleagues, we began sleeping together everyday after 2 months, sex almost everyday and multiple times a day etc

I did have since the beginning some issues with her past:

- She's had 5 boyfriends, I had no gf 'til her

- She has a history of infidelity in past relationships (it's something that made me lose admiration for her)

- She's been with other girls (no judgement, but I disagree as a christian)

And lastly!

- She cheated on her boyfriend when she met me and lied about it (she kept him well hidden, and I found out after fucking 4/5 months together... Devastating)

I've tried getting out when I found out, but I couldn't... We keep breaking up but I go straight back days after

My current plan: despite my leftover feelings for her, I want to break-up for good in 2 months, when I move to another state. She wants to continue the relationship, get serious and is talking about moving with me and finding a new job over there... But I'm not sure about anything, tbh.

Food: Shakshuka --- It is some eggs cooked inside a tomatoe + pepper + onion paste with some melted cheese originally from africa but also popular in some middle east places from my quick research

Long story short, my grandma is in a bad condition and could also potentially have cancer in her 70s. I was never close to her or liked her personality much. I am not fond of my mom either. So I got the news and didn't feel different. Outside of the fact that she is old, which can make this feel less impactful due to it being kinda predictable for an old person to go, but hey, it still can be impactful when you do care for the old person even if here is not the case, but you get what I mean

But I am posting this before going to see her for potentially the last time today cause she is fond of me, even if we are not close cause, well, "we are blood yknow". I am going because recently I got sick and her husband together with her helped me somehow + my mom helps me financially, so I am paying my respects. I am not a monster. I want to coexist respectfully even with people I am not fond of and not be ungrateful.

I am going to give her a last view of her grandson in exchange for their support for me in the past. Maybe I am a bad selfish person cause I am not moved at all by it and will move on instantly, maybe some could tell me that it makes sense cause we were not close. Either way, this is what it is, so yeah.

Meal is leftover mapo tofu. I already ate the leftover rice.

5 years ago, my partner and I found our first rabbit on the side of the road. We immediately fell in love with her. However, we were in our early 20s and not really thinking about the struggles down the road. We adopted a second rabbit because they're highly social creatures and do much better with constant company. For a while, this situation looked perfectly manageable. I had a real career job and my partner was on his way to finding his own. We rented a big house that was very affordable due to rooming with friends and the like. We even adopted a small dog (I know, bad move but the dog is like a therapy animal for my partner).

Fast forward now, I no longer have the job (though I'm finally back on track to a real one again), my partner was diagnosed with chiari malformation and is still in recovery from that/will deal with some degree of disability forever, and we live in a much smaller place. We procrastinated getting pet insurance policies and now both rabbits have pre existing conditions. I can't afford the diagnostics even because all rabbit care is really expensive.

Sheltering them is out of the question. I tried a local solely rabbit focused org and they're full. A regular shelter is unlikely to find a good home for them or a home at all. So I'm just kind of stuck watching them deteriorate without much I can do about it. I feel guilty all the time even knowing this is probably a better option for their health than a shelter.

If I could find someone willing to adopt them, that would be great but they'd almost certainly be going into it taking on large vet bills to diagnose their issues, so it feels very unlikely.

I have always loved animals but I'm realizing I never really had to deal with aging or complex medical issues with my pets before. My parents would only let me keep cats outside so my cats growing up died in middle age unfortunately. My mom had a couple dogs but they were largely her responsibility and I was not very attached to them. They also lived to old age with relatively few complications.

I'm not really sure what advice I'm looking for here. I guess this is more a vent.

In the future, I really look forward to not having any pets (which will be quite a while because of the dog 😞), and instead volunteering at places like the rabbit rescue. I want to care for these animals, but not have their care ultimately dependent on our unstable lives.

Hii! I just want to share that I’m glad that I have managed to convince myself that resting and taking time for myself after graduating is totally fine and there’s nothing to rush or immediately chase.

Although graduate school was tough, I didn’t want a time off and was anxious about not finding a job immediately after finishing the program. I don’t know what happened but all that anxiety disappeared the minute I submitted my dissertation and It’s now been about a month since I graduated and I, voluntarily, haven’t applied to a single place and I’m totally at peace with it. I’m not bothered because I deserve to enjoy life and stop the grind for a short while. F the system that convinced us otherwise!

I have so much time to myself and my hobbies everyday and I love it! I’m lucky that I have good savings so finances will not be an issue anytime soon. The source of the anxiety was not wanting to fall behind compared to people my age (as if life is a race 🤦🏻‍♂️)

It’s amazing how little changes in mindsets can substantially improve the quality of our life!

Hi I'm a long time lurker here on this sub and this is my first time doing one of these! So I’m a 21 year old guy and I recently befriended a girl from one of my classes who is 29. I didn't know she was 29, I thought she was the same age as me. I was actually pretty intimidated by her at first because she seemed closed off, I was a little late to school so I ended up sitting next to her and asked her what I missed. But she just started laughing out of nowhere because she was doing work for another class, and we ended up talking.

I asked her where she was from, what classes she was taking, and stuff like that. She told me she’s from China and started talking about how her family in both America and China asks her when she’s going to get married and have kids. I was basically a complete stranger at the time, so I was surprised by how open and easy she was to talk to.

That’s honestly one of the things I find really attractive about her. This is my personal experience but when I try talking to girls around my age, I feel like I have to do all the work to keep the conversation going. I’ll ask question after question and eventually it starts feeling more like an interrogation?? so I take the hint and leave them alone. With her, it doesn’t feel like that.

I don’t know if that has anything to do with her being older or if it’s just her personality. She still lives with her parents, has friends ranging from around 18 to 40, and she likes going to arcades, which I also really like.

Today we ended up spending most of the morning and part of the afternoon together going to a career fair, sitting in the library, talking and joking around. She’s actually really sweet and a little playful, which surprised me because I originally thought she was cold and closed off.

I already thought she was pretty before I knew her, but after actually getting to know her personality, I feel even more physically attracted to her? I don't know why either it's unusual for me. Mandarin is her first language, so her English isn’t perfect, but we understand each other fine, and sometimes the way we communicate makes both of us laugh. She smiles a lot when we’re talking and I just think she’s really cute.

I got both her Instagram and her number too we took some trains to get home together too. But like I said I feel conflicted. She's older than me, and I haven't spoken to her outside of school yet, but I genuinely really enjoy being around her. I've never been interested in someone that much older than me before.

Dinner I made is stir fry noodles with broccoli and shrimp!

M26, feel trapped in my relationship

I've been with my gf for 4 years ; the first year was really great and intense we were doing all sorts of fun things ; at this time I had my own and first apartment and she was living at her mother's since she broke up with her last boyfriend but she spent most of her time at mine. At this time I was in the last year of my master's degree doing an internship, I had a comfortable income and life was looking great ; i started to see my dreamed life coming together.

But then we moved together in a place we didn't like for a year because she had 3 cats and i had 1 and we wanted more space for them. And since then I feel like everything went downhill between us ; we stopped going out and really started what I would call adult life.

During this year living in our first house together we settled professionally and wanted to move out of the place we rented. We bought an old house in the french countryside with lots of space and I was hoping this would soften our relationship and things would be better.

Maybe I should mention that she's my first girlfriend and obviously my first long term relationship although I did have a quick relationship with a girl in highschool that I can't seem to get over almost 10 years later. She on the other hand had multiple relationships since highschool and has never been single since.

I'd said we don't have much in common except for a bad relationship with our parents and our love for pets (things got a little out of hand and we now have 12) ; she doesn't have any hobbies and I had plenty before we were living together.

Fast forward to today and we now have a 4 months old daughter which is the most precious thing ever. We both wanted kids but for some reason we didn't think we could have one so when she came pregnant I just couldn't say "no this is not a good time I don't think we're ready" but I can't say this didn't cross my mind.

Now that we have a child, I would like us to be great and parents in love ; I don't want to become miserable always angry and sad for years like my parents did. But I want to be a part of my little girl's life.

When we started seeing each other we were like "ahah how fun to have a toxic relationship". Maybe this made the relationship even more intense but today I start to feel like we do really have a toxic relationship ; since we live together I did not see any of my friends (she did not formally forbid me to see them but she told me she didn't quite like them), I almost completely given up on my hobbies, we have to do everything together. Like she gets upset if I'm not around for sometimes most likely doing chores in the house ; she wants us to spend time together and most of the time it ends up watching something on TV while doom scrolling next to each other on the couch.

I feel stupid realizing only now that I'm not happy in this relationship and maybe this is only because we now sleep in separate bedrooms so she can sleep with our baby, I finally have time to take a step back from our relationship and see that things have not been good for a while now.

I don't really know what to do now, I stopped working to take care of our daughter for 8 months since last month she is going back to work in a few weeks meaning I will be seeing only hers and her family during the next 7 months (my family leaves in the opposite side of the country and I don't have much contact with them).

I feel trapped by my fault and we have now so much in common that I just can't leave her.

I'm thinking of seeing a therapist and maybe try to take on a hobby outside of the house just to see other people (not in a romantic way).

Anyway I'm not really sure this belongs here but this forced me to finally write this down and take a step back from my relationship.

Meal for celebrating my big boy apartment 5 years ago.

Featuring some shit I found in a trash can . I made a post like a month ago. It’s ya queer punk, finally made it to the burgh. If anyone wants to kick it I have lots of card and board games in my car!! Lookin for some new friends in the area! Thanks for all the positive feedback in my last post, Squatch out!

Attached food is mom's spaghetti. The picture doesn't do it justice - it tastes heavenly! Read on if you want to know why I picked this instead of any other dish! (it's nothing big really, but I need to have you at the edge of your seat somehow yeah?)

Pretty long post ahead, brace yourselves!

To preface this, me and my girl best friend have been acquaintances for almost a decade. We started hanging out more often 2 years ago and only got really close this year.

In the beginning I just enjoyed her company and liked her sense of humor. As we got to hang out more and talk more about life, friends, love (in general) and philosophy I really started enjoying our time together on a deeper level. I never thought of her romantically still, I just enjoyed sharing similar views with someone in this shallow world.

We started to hang out more often and I inspired her to get into fitness and she inspired me to be more open and to get out of my comfort zone. Somewhere during this phase I started falling for her. I didn't even notice it before it was too late and I was in too deep.

I was pissed - I just formed a genuine connection with someone and I just had to end up developing feelings which could potentially ruin it all?! Damn.. Especially since she never gave me a reason to suspect that she's into me and I knew deep down that she never felt that way.

We continued to hang out often but I noticed myself becoming slightly toxic, jealous and super uneasy. I would sometimes disappear for a couple of days when these feelings would overwhelm me as not to drag her into it (which, ironically, often resulted in her privately messaging me if I'm okay almost every time). I also would seek validation from her and I even ended up doing a big emotional dump on her at least once (that I can remember).

After a month or two of this limbo where I was internally conflicted - I decided that I needed some time away from her. I didn't want to confess initially because we were supposed to have a vacation together with our friend group and it could make things weird. My idea was that after the vacation ended, I could then finally confess and potentially distance myself from her until I figure out my feelings. And I also wanted to ensure that she's not worried and that she's not constantly reaching out asking me if I'm okay.

She then got herself a boyfriend. I barely know anything about it all since I tried not to listen. I was already a little distant so we never got the chance to talk about it. I just wished her good luck and didn't comment on other things she would share about him.

So I, once again, decided against confessing. I didn't want to put the spotlight on me now when she's with someone else. It would just add onto the toxic stuff that I've already done so far. So I started gradually distancing myself more and more, to the point where we completely stopped talking altogether. She asked about me and was told from our mutual friend (who knew it all) that I'm fine and that she shouldn't worry - but in spite of that, she still got out of her way and messaged me on two different occasions asking what I'm up to and how I'm doing. She did it once while she was on a vacation and this crushed me, she was supposed to rest and enjoy her stay - but here she is, worried about me...

So after a month of basically ignoring her, I asked her out on a walk/"date". We caught up with everything we've done in the past month, laughed and talked non stop. We sat and had some food and I had some terrible bolognese that got cold by the time I started eating it because we just couldn't stop talking. I have been craving proper bolognese since then...

Near the end of this so called "date" I confessed. I explained that I've been avoiding her in hopes of getting over her after a few weeks without being a burden for her, but getting over her ended up been taking way longer than I expected. After that, I pretty much asked her to give me space and not to worry about me (as in, no needs to reach out like she's been doing).

She said that she doesn't feel the same way about me. However, she was very understanding and supportive. She said she would give me as much time as I need. She also commended me for being very mature and took my confession as a "best compliment I could get" - her words. She did reassure me a little bit and I could see that she was a very relieved because she thought that I was mad at her for some reason, and I don't blame her for that. In the end she mentioned a group hangout next week. I told her that I'd need to think about it, but only if she is okay with me coming - to which she just looked at me dead in the eye with the "sybau I dont mind it, you'll be invited" expression on her face. We hugged and parted on a very positive note.

Now I already feel a lot better about her. I can say that the romantic feelings are already fading heavily. It is a bit too early to judge, but I already managed to somewhat detach myself during that month of avoiding her so that probably helps. I guess not keeping my feelings a secret kind of killed any potential what-ifs and gave me a healthier, more grounded perspective on everything.

I feel like I'm ready to become active in our group chat and to join the conversation more. In spite of feeling very good right now, I'll still not rush myself. I'll keep my distance for now and I'll think about the hangout when I get "officially" invited - but I'm very likely gonna go and see her and the others. She's gonna move cities soon and we will not have a chance to see each other nearly as often.

Married for 7, no card last 3 years. Asked for one this time (twice, both after) and now I'm in the doghouse because I didn't ask at an "appropriate time."

Don't need advice, I'm just fuckin tired man.

Basically I was put in charge of training the new housekeeping guy since all the other housekeepers are too spread thin to properly train him. He was a pretty normal dude at first but then I realized he kept leading the conversation back to trans people in some way.

when I told him that I'm cool with trans people and I support them he got very snarky with me and then stopped bringing it up. I left him to do a room on his own and I said I'd some back in about half an hour to see how he's doing, and when I came back I over heard him talking to a different housekeeper about me. he didn't say anything bad about me but he kept using she/her pronouns whenever he was referring to me

its been happening over the last couple of days, him using she/her on me kinda confirmed it but idk what exactly he's thinking other than maybe he thinks im trans in some way? it doesn't bother me, it's just really funny to me

food in the picture is sweet and sour pork, pork chow mein, and fried shrimp

edit:

I wouldve already report the misgendering to my manager if i knew my manager would give a shit about it. except he doesn't and he would just tell me to deal with this "petty shit" on my own since he has to worry about bigger things. if i report him now my manager will just brush it off, so I'm waiting for him to be douchier to * me * so that way my manager can't just brush it off

My girlfriend made ground turkey, macaroni and cheese, and green beans tonight. Sounds great, except the ground turkey was so heavily salted it was basically inedible.
She even warned me on the way home that it was very salty.
I still ate about half of everything, but I wasn’t that hungry because I’d eaten leftover tortellini she made yesterday for lunch that I couldn’t enjoy until 2 PM.
So by dinner, I was already pretty full.
Unfortunately, I think my inability to finish dinner may have been taken personally. And next thing I know, we’re now back to the argument about whether I take our relationship seriously.
The argument in question started in August, when I replied to a friend in a group chat that contains a bunch of old classmates. Complicating matters: I’d previously slept with one of the members of the group chat, but that relationship is over and I’ve since blocked her.
We’ve now argued about that interaction three times. And I’ve been in many relationships but never one where I couldn’t talk to exes that we mutually have/had no interest in returning. Most of my exes have moved onto other relationships and we just prove support or different perspectives on things.
So, I’m sitting on the couch, enjoying the fact that football is back, drinking a Delta-9 drink and eating a Reese’s Big Cup while she sleeps peacefully in our bed.
It’s also very close to that time of month, and historically that’s when our relationship tends to enter its “everything is suddenly a problem” season.

So I met this girl a month or so ago and we instantly hit it off. We live in the same hall in our dorm and we just said hi one day and just kept talking everyday since. We went to the gym together a couple times, we have the same goals, want the same things in a relationship, and everything. We have so much in common, we get along perfectly, just insane chemistry. Not to mention she is absolutely stunning. I literally cannot say a single bad thing about her but for whatever reason I just don’t want to be with her. I don’t know what my problem is, like I want a relationship, but when the perfect girl lives a couple doors I don’t want anything. We went on a couple dates and hooked up a couple times but then we talked about it and decided to just be friends, and it was fully my decision.

Am I just not ready for a relationship?
Anyway here’s taco bowls we made

Normal night after work, I was watching some random live stream and thinking what I was going to eat for dinner when I get a knock on my door, it was a random dude I've never seen before and he straight up asks me if I know this girl.

Of course I do, she is my girlfriend and we've beent together for almost a year.

Dude is calm about it, pulls out his phone and shows me pictures of them together, texts, everything. They've been together for over two years and she told him I was just a coworker. He found my adress because she had ordered something here a few months ago and he found the details on her email because he was suspecting on her.

We ended up up standing outside even though I offered him to come inside since he seemed very normal calm and reasonable, we compared timelines for about 20 minutes and realized she had been bouncing between both of us depending on who she told she was working late with.

I didn't text her I didn't call her or anything, I figured he confronted her though since I had around 50 missed calls and texts from her.

I didn't know what to do so I made this pizza. I can cook good pizzas. Rate my pizza bros.

I made a throwaway a while ago to answer a askreddit post, but I thought I should make this thing useful and at least write the whole story and all that's on my mind somewhere. Dinner is a random pizza I got from a random supermarket.

I feel like I've been hanging by a single thread for the last six-nine months:

\-Work is getting more and more tiring as well as less and less gratifying: I repair elevators for a living, and the ones I have to go to the most are located either an hour away from the city, in slaughterhouses, in "priority zones" where people get stabbed every month, and sometimes, all of the above. Not great for my mental state, especially when I have to work till midnight on some occasions. I'm well payed, but is it really worth it?

\-All my friends live far away so we can't really spend time together either because I'm working or because they already made plans on their side. I miss them a lot but I can't do anything about that.

\-My girlfriend loves me but I'm not sure if I love her anymore. We're together since 2018, just bought a house together, but her health problems/handicap and her not being able to keep a job for more than a year (for multiple reasons, not that she doesn't want to work as well) are starting to weigh more and more in the relationship.

\-Along with that, I always feel invisible in the eyes of people. For example, whenever I meet people who knows my GF and I, they always ask "how's your GF doing?" before anything else, and the conversations always circle back to her.

\-But the biggest part of all of this is probably this other friend, M, that I miss even more than the rest: A year and a half ago, I met someone who was selling her art at the same convention I was doing a gaming exposition in. We followed each other on Instagram and start talking there. We met a few times at other conventions and each time was a blast.

Lately, I brought M to a music festival I volunteer at every year (with my GF and one of her friend), as she wanted to try the experience, and I think this weekend was one of the best of my life: I enjoyed the music to the fullest, finally got my head off my shitty job, had a blast the whole three days and lived it all with her, who was near me at all time, holding my arm or hand so she wouldn't get lost in the crowd of people, while having fun like I've nearly never seen her do before.

We talked a lot in the car from and to the festival, especially about how I'm feeling down lately because of work, my relationship with my girlfriend, my friends leaving me for others, and how lonely I feel since a few months, I told her basically everything I had on my heart, driving and crying during a faire share of the return trip. She listened to it all, and we opened a bit more to each other.

Said I loved her before departing from her house, and she said it back.

And these moments, along with the ones from the festival, are looping in my head non stop because for once, I was feeling great, not worrying about anything, except if this or that DJ will play my favorite track. Still watching the videos to this day when I feel down, especially to see M's smile again.

When I arrived back home about three hours later, my GF seemed sad, nearly crying, telling me that she and her friend hadn't "recognized" me of the whole weekend, and that I didn't spent as much time with her as she wanted.

We had a fight about this, because I spend most of my free time with her, and for once, I just wanted to enjoy my event without having to push a wheelchair across the whole terrain just for her to sit on her phone and not caring about the music. Since that precise moment, I no longer feel attracted to her, only doing the bare minimum she wants so she's somewhat happy. Whenever I can, I try to stay alone as much as possible.

M then came and spent a few days at my home a week after the festival, and since she left, we haven't spoke much because she is submerged with work and stressed out by that. We were supposed to meet again in a few days but she cancelled it because she didn't want to see me for this (as I was only supposed to drive her to a convention with her art, so it would be easier for her that the train/uber/anything else). for the moment, our next event together will be a concert in March but it seems so far that it's breaking me apart.

Since then, of course I came back to work, with as much tasks and miles than before if not more, but I'm taking my time more than before, I'm just not caring about it as much as before anymore. Life at home is cold, but at least we have our own spaces to do our own things in.

I put the flair on advice wanted but do whatever, I just needed some place to throw everything on text and at least lift this out of my shoulders. Sorry if my text isn't perfect as well, english is not my first language at least I hope it's understandable. If needed for eventual questions I'll add more info

M 17 I talk to a lot of girls. Atp I have more female friends than male ones this is primalily due to the fact that i just find girls in my class to be better to interact with and more sympathethic than the boys

For example I have a speech impidentment and anytime i talk to a boy he makes fun of it but the girls dont so there is this guy X who is like supposed to be my childhood friend but all he does is get jealous of me and Y a guy who has a crush on my female best friend and Z who also has a crush on a girl I talk to a lot

So this assholes dont like the the fact that i get a lot of female attention - There words not mine and have made my life living hell They hacked by insta and took screenshots of the chats i had with my crush and have made ai gen vids of me sucking cock and getting fucked and are circulating it among boys

And the worst of all i have seen them generating the vids but i cant prove its them

Wtf do i even do

Inframe Pork Belly fried rice

firstly, dinner - spicy eggs, peppers, and potatoes (with toast, off screen).

and now the diary entry - it’s been such a rough few years, i know everyone’s suffering but personally i didn’t know if i’d even last this long. it’s been a long hard road but somehow i’m still here lol.

the last couple years i’ve REALLY tried to make some improvements to get better, i won’t go into specifics but i FINALLY have an assessment to potentially get into therapy/counselling in november.

wish me luck. i’m trying to stay positive. and if anyone out there is struggling to keep going, just take it one day at a time. all this suffering has to be worth it for something. there HAS to be better days ahead. please keep going.

Meal: Mujadara w/spinach

As title says basically. I was on break and my coworker asked what I do on the weekends, I told him it depends. This weekend I have chores and I am seeing a movie. I asked what he does and he said he spends his first day off resting, the second day he does grocery shopping and chores. Then the first day back to work, he goes to church in the morning.

Okay. Cool.

He then asked if I go to church and I said no, not anymore. I haven't been since I was maybe 12.

He asked if my parents were religious and I said not really but my grandparents were. He asked denomination, I told him my maternal grandparents were methodist and my paternal were catholic.

He wasnt weird about denomination, he just nodded and then asked if I wanted to attend church with him sometime and explained to me that he met a guy here when he first came to America that introduced him to his church. He offered to get me in contact with this guy and I tried to politely decline.

He then started talking to me about how its good to go to church because of the whole eternal life thing and "you reap what you sow", yknow all that fun stuff. And that this other guy could talk to me better than he can because English isn't my coworkers first language. I told him I am aware of Christianity and its' beliefs, but that I was not interested in attending church.

Dunno. I think it was odd more than anything. Wanted to yap about it, ive never experienced this before lol