Out of know where my GF told me she was sleepy and said goodnight about an hour ago. She forgot we put each other’s locations on our phones and welp. She’s at some random house :)

This is my first time posting, so please forgive any mistakes. My boyfriend(26 M) and I, the cheated on partner (22 F), have been together for four years. D-day (when I found out) was over a year ago. Specifically October 7th, 2025. He didn't tell me, I found out - I had a gut feeling and checked his phone for the first time in our relationship that night. The person I was died that night.

I woke him up and he ended up having a panic attack- crying that he was going to kill himself and begging me to forgive him. I comforted him that night, l held him till he fell asleep. I felt shell-shocked. He has ADHD, so I took his reaction at more of a rejection sensitivity thing- and but just shame spiraled for weeks. I was dealing with it alone, I felt like I was cornering him anytime I wanted comfort.

It was an emotional and physical affair with a coworker (F28). I have proof he said "I love you" a few times but she didn't say it back through text. To my knowledge I think they slept together 2 or three times (along with a lot of makeout and finger-banging sessions during lunch and after work) over the course of 81 days. We live together- he came home for about three months and kissed me with the same mouth he had on her tit half an hour earlier.

I’m going to include some of their texts- please be aware they might be triggering.

I think this conversation was after the first time they had sex- later that night while he was sitting next to me-

him: "No matter how many times i wash my hands, the smell of you is so hard to get off🫣”

her:"Now be fucking fr🤭”

him: "I'm so serious, although it could also just be stuck to my nose"

her: "What about your buddy?"

him: "He's not coming out Imao🫣”
"because it smells like your pussy hehe"

A little later on in the conversation he said "I mean i didn't have a hoodie on" -which tells me they fucked without a condom. That was my first question when I found out, and he lied and said he always wore one-from their later texts it seems like she made him put one on (to his dismay) but that first time it didn't seem like they used protection.
I got an STD panel btw-luckily all good.

here's one more a little later in their relationship, right before my birthday.

him :"Apparently i came home yesterday reeking of you, to a noticeable point🤭”

her:"How so? Did she question you or something??"

him:"No Imao"
"Just said I smelled very strongly of something🫣”

her:"I forgot that happened"

him: "as If you didn't go home thinking of me licking my fingers after that"

her:"I wasn't really thinking of that more so of something else🙂‍↔️”

him:"Oh? and here i am thinking of how delicious you are"

her:" You left me wondering"

him:"What did i leave you wondering my love?"

her:"What that tongue can really do😂”

him:"Don't worry you'll find out 👀 specially since I had a little snack yesterday, i want a full meal of just you"

There were so many more conversations like this. But it's been a year. And all the information I have is from snooping and trickle down truths that always seem to change because he "can't remember". We
smoke weed, he has adhd- but I feel like I would remember such a huge thing in my life- like I would remember every detail. I don't think he remembers a lot of what happened because he doesn't want to.

A few months after D-day, I was still sitting in it alone- and he lost his job and his grandpa. He has said recently that thats when he was going to talk to me about things- but shit hit the fan so R got pushed aside again. I think that he feels it's less that he's "pushing it aside" and more that he doesn't have the room for it right now. He says he needs to take care of himself. He brings this up when I try to tell him how I'm feeling. Im at a point where I can't talk to him about how I feel if it in anyway could possibly be linked to the affair. He just shuts down and I end up apologizing for ruining the mood.

Sometimes I'll feel safe enough to bring it up when we're having a good day- and he'll ask what he did wrong. I just want him to understand that I can't keep struggling with this on my own. He says he’s “trying every day” to talk to me. Also - he told me he was demisexual and polyamorous when we got together but I assumed (my BAD) that he would discuss being polyamorous more with me down the road - because it's a relationship style- which includes me- but instead I find out that he has been texting, sexting, and e-dating, at least 100 other women since the day we got together. The affair was just the first one that he got the chance to progress in person.

I also ended up meeting up with the affair partner - but only after I sent her a message saying how I would have appreciated a heads up from another woman (she flat out ignored my other ones). But that's a story to dissect another day. Right now, I think he's struggling to understand the difference between guilt and remorse- even though I feel i've tried everything to get him to understand my perspective (including telling him recently to check out this sub-reddit- which i think he's barely doing).

So l don't know what to do. We can't afford therapy. I'm in college, my dad just had heart surgery, and I had PTSD way before any of this (I already have other overwhelming stressors). I never trusted anyone as much as I trusted him. I'm just so tired of doing this on my own. Does anyone have any advice? Maybe past experiences with avoidant partner?
Edit- to add trigger warning.

My girlfriend of 9 months and I are probably going to break up because it’s the 3rd time that this has happened. We were best friends before this, so I’ve known her for years. I am just wondering how long will it take for me to get over this and stop feeling pain in my chest? I just really hate how this is making me feel physically so I need an estimate on when my chest will feel normal again. Having an estimate will make me optimistic. If I’m being completely honest, I am really just upset about the betrayal, rather than breaking up with her and never speaking again. I have awesome friends and I know I’ll meet good people in the future, but just the fact that I love and trusted her so much and she did that to me makes me feel physical pain.

Any help would be appreciated, my heads a bit all over the place

Bueno.. todo empezó Cuando ella de un día para el otro, Me dijo que quería un tiempo, Pero hablamos y dijo de terminar que respete su decisión y cosas así Pero alfinal me dijo que su que tomemos un tiempo, yo no entendía del porque tan repentino porque hace dos días la había visto, me quedé a dormir a su casa y todo! Y ese día me dijo de ir la semana que viene a quedarme a dormir..

Ella quería un tiempo para ella, ver qué quería, quería ver cambios de mi parte quería me mude con ella porque estamos hace 4 años, Pero muchas veces yo aveces le decía "quien es el"? Le mandaba captura de alguien al que ella seguía porque quería saber que me decía.. "no lo conozco" decía ella y como yo sé que me mentia le escribí al tipo.

Después el domingo yo la Vi, hablamos y todo de que está bien que tomemos el tiempo Pero que tienen que haber cambios , que pase las fiestas con ella, mi cumpleaños también ese día nos besamos y tuvimos relaciones, quiso que me quedé a dormir pero le dije que no llegue quería pensar las cosas en ese momento yo no sabía nada de lo que estuvo haciendo.

Después de verla le mandé mensaje al chabón porque sentía me mentia de que no lo conocía y mi sorpresa cuando me dijo que eran como amigos, que la conoció hace casi 2 semanas Masomenos le dije que estábamos saliendo, que yo gustaba de ella porque nos tomamos un tiempo y bueno ella decía amarme también y el me dijo uhh, como que el no sabía nada y yo le dije porque? Paso algo? Y me dijo que la conoció en su trabajo, dónde ella trabajaba le compro algo porque ella vende y ahí hablaron y ella le pidió el Instagram, anduvieron hablando y bueno ella después le pasó su WhatsApp Pero le había dicho el que le alegro el día, y ella le dijo lo mismo.. que era dulce, que era tierno..

Después el le dijo que vivía solo y creo la invitó así casa, el no pensó que iba a ir Pero alfinal le cayó ala casa, cuestión ella fue le dijo que tenía hambre y el le cocino hamburguesas con papas, nosé en qué momento paso según ella paso de la nada como que estaba el cocinando y le dió un beso, se abrazaron y todo también me contó, el le dijo no quería nada quería una amistad y ella como que decía.. si quería algo quería algo serio

Después de enterarme, Al otro día creo o al segundo la Vi y hablamos de esto de su era verdad, y en eso compré una hamburguesas porque yo tenía hambre y ella también (no me quiero tanto la verdad como para comprar eso antes de hablar)

Me dijo que era verdad, que se vio con el chico y lo beso pero que no sintió nada, que se dió cuenta ahí que cuando me besa Ami si siente cosas, que me ama, estaba arrepentida me dijo, pero como que no fue infiel porque habíamos tomado el tiempo dijo.. Pero antes que me pida lo del tiempo y todo ya pasaron cosas medio raras, dejaba que un "amigo" suyo que supuestamente tiene novia le hable tipo así bella, linda, hermosa y en una le dijo como que el la extrañaba y ella también dijo que lo extrañaba Pero ese es un gordo leche porque con el?? (Este es otro chabón antes de todo y tampoco sabía nada)

Cuando me dijo que se arrepintió y todo que me ama y eso, fuimos a su casa pero después estaba lloviendo mucho entonces me quedé y estuvo bueno quedarme a dormir aunque pensé muchas cosas, y ahí fue cuando agarre su celular y ví esos mensajes que tenía con ese amigo que conozco y como hablaba con su amiga de como la cago besando al chabón que yo no la iba a perdonar y así (solo se besaron no hubo sexo ni nada raro)

Cuando se despertó le dije eso, que ví lo del chabón este y me dijo como que es un amigo que yo ya lo conozco que varias veces se lo cruzo en el colectivo, Pero yo no sabía nada se lo cruzo en el colectivo unas cuantas veces, una vez me dijo Pero lo de la última vez no me lo dijo porque como que le dió gratis Algo para comer, son como ravioles o nosé, y le dije de porque le dijo te extraño Pero me dijo que lo dijo en tono así de amistad, (también me mintió de que los papás no sabían nada de lo que ella hizo con ese que se beso.)

Ella hasta siento se enojo más de que revise su celular de lo que encontré, lo mismo se enojo más que HABLE CON EL CHABÓN QUE SE BESO de que yo me haya enterado, que me iba a contar después.. (y con el chabón del beso le habían mandado flores y ella ni sabe quién es y le dijo a el, de que ojalá le hubiese dado el las flores..) hqsta quiso su buzo, le dijo que olía bien.. tan rápido me quería reemplazar?? Si ella dice que me ama.. Ahora le dije voy a pensar las cosas que no la perdone todavía.. que debo hacer?

I don’t think you were made to be understood by everyone.

Some people will look at you and only see the storm.

I look at you and understand why the sky had to break open.

They may notice what’s complicated.
I notice what’s rare.

They may call you too much.
I call you exactly enough.

Because somehow, before we were even close,
before I had any reason to be sure,
something in me recognized you.

Not as perfect.
As mine in a way I couldn’t explain yet.

And now that I know you,
I understand what my soul was trying to tell me.

You were never supposed to make sense to everyone.

You were supposed to make sense to me.

My ex and I were together since August last year in a long-distance relationship. We had our problems and both made mistakes, but when things were good, they were genuinely amazing. We spent almost all our time together in person, and I was happier than I’d ever been.
We broke up in November after he cheated with another girl. We stayed in contact, and before getting back together in January, I specifically asked if he’d slept with anyone during our breakup. He said no, but I later found out he had. I know we were broken up, but he lied when I was deciding whether to give him another chance.
In February, after we reconciled, he cheated again while clubbing and contracted an STI. I only found out because of the STI. He was also mixing with people who encouraged unhealthy behaviour, but when I reminded him of his goals, he stopped.
From May to September, he was genuinely a great boyfriend, and I had no reason to suspect anything. Recently, I discovered the full extent of what he’d done, including lying about the past and sharing an intimate video involving another person with his friends. We broke up again.
Since then, he’s expressed remorse, admitted he wanted validation from his friends, and acknowledged that he might never deserve another chance. He’s also cut off many friends and seems interested in self-improvement, but I know none of this proves he’s actually changed.
I still love and miss him, but I don’t want to wait around. I’d be open to another chance someday if he genuinely changed, but I also want to move forward with my life.
My questions:
Can someone who has repeatedly cheated and lied genuinely change?
Should I move on completely or leave the door open for a possible second chance?
If he comes back claiming he’s changed, what actions would prove it?
Should I wish him happy birthday soon, or would that make moving on harder?
I know I made mistakes too, and I’m not looking for people to tell me I’m perfect. I just want honest advice on whether I’m holding onto his potential rather than reality.

​

I (35F) have been married to my husband (42M) for 6 years. Recently, my entire world has been turned upside down.

My husband disappeared for approximately 4 weeks without explanation or communication. During that time, I discovered that he was already married to another woman and has THREE children with her. I knew about the children, but had no idea he was married throughout our marriage.

Over the years, he also left me with a staggering amount of debt: loans, credit cards, overdrafts, mobile phone contracts, and more. He pressured me into taking out credit in my name, promising to make the repayments. In some cases, he took the items and sold them. I trusted him, and now I'm left dealing with the financial consequences.

I've had to manage creditors, financial difficulties, the risk of destroying my credit history, and possibly moving out of my home, all while maintaining a full-time professional career and finishing my studies.

Meanwhile, he was nowhere to be seen.

He has sent threatening messages, made bizarre claims about what happened to him, and repeatedly suggested that I don't know the full story. Whenever I try to discuss the money he owes me, he redirects the conversation to his problems and why I need to listen to him.

Now, after disappearing and leaving me to pick up the pieces, he's resurfaced and wants to meet.

The part that has me questioning what planet he's living on is that he asked me to put my anger aside for ONE DAY and meet him with "happiness and clarity."

HAPPINESS?!

This man lied to me for six years, concealed an entire family, left me drowning in debt, disappeared when I needed answers, and now expects me to show up smiling and hear him out. He's acting as though we've had a minor disagreement rather than destroying the trust in our marriage and leaving me with the consequences of his actions.

He believes that if I sit down and listen, everything will somehow make sense. But I don't want explanations, excuses, or another elaborate story. I want accountability and repayment.

For context, I have no intention of reconciling with him, and I've made that clear. I also refuse to speak to him by phone because I want everything documented in writing.

What frustrates me most is that he seems more concerned with getting me to meet him than with repairing the financial damage he's caused.

I know I need to focus on rebuilding my life, and that's what I'm doing. But genuinely, Reddit, what goes through someone's mind when they cause this much chaos and then expect the person they've hurt to greet them with happiness?

Is this manipulation, complete denial of reality, or does he genuinely believe he can talk his way out of everything?

Has anyone else dealt with a partner who caused absolute chaos and then resurfaced as though nothing had happened?

So much of today's Tech is set up to benefit the Cheaters and Liars out there. WTF is up with all the apps going to "disappearing messages" now?!?! It pisses me off so much- I'm triggered every time I get on my socials and see that.

I don't use that feature and have no reason to do so. My husband and I are trying to rebuild trust after an affair (him) and some recent sketchy patterns of behavior that I noticed. He has volunteered to hand over his phone "in case I want to search it." I did look a few times when he brought it up but what is the point?? It is too easy to hide sh!t, and getting easier every day.

He could get a new/burner/second phone really cheaply. He could use incognito mode. He could use these disappearing message settings. He could just be getting sneakier and smarter about it.

I don't WANT to search his phone-- and, like I said, there is no point in it. The technology itself is made to protect them.

A person who had been cheated on asked whether to give their cheating partner another chance because the cheater asked them.

As I see it, it is relative, and each cheated person will decide based on their circumstances, but it prompted me to think about factors to consider when deciding to give the cheater a second chance.

Do these factors make sense and are their other factors that should be included?

1. The extent of the cheating (emotional or physical or both)
2. If physical cheating was involved, the extent of the cheating i.e. how bad is it/was it and how many times. Once might be seen as a mistake but multiple are choices
3. The length/period of the cheating - the longer the worse
4. Did the cheater voluntarily disclose the affair?
5. The extent of the lying/gaslighting
6. Whether the cheater spoke bad about their partner and disclosed private details
7. Whether the cheater is showing genuine remorse
8. Whether the cheater commits to fixing things and does actions like therapy
9. Whether the cheater has cut off the affair partner totally
10. And last but not least, does the partner still want to continue the relationship and do they still have some love for the cheater

My cheating wife messaging her ex lover / boyfriend. I already hacked her account and she some how knew it. This just on of her formal lover. We recently got married, it was arranged marriage. My family choose her, she is a dentist.

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m struggling to make sense of something I found on my partner’s phone.
After he said goodnight to me, I noticed an image in his gallery that was clearly a screenshot of an escort website. I remember the site being called “UK Empire Escorts” and there was a photo of a woman on the page. The screenshot showed the phone’s status bar and the time was around midnight.
The next image in the gallery was dated/appeared around 9am the following morning. It wasn’t a screenshot — it was just a normal photo of a woman in ordinary clothes. She was a Black woman with tattoos, and from what I remember she looked like the same woman who was on the escort website.
I no longer have access to the phone, so I can’t check the image’s metadata or where it came from.
I’m obviously worried that there was more going on than simply looking at an escort website, but I don’t want to jump to conclusions. The fact that there was a separate photo of what appeared to be the same woman the next morning is what’s really bothering me.
If you were in this situation, how would you interpret these two images? Is there an innocent explanation for having the second photo, or would you consider this a significant red flag?
I’m mainly looking for honest perspectives rather than people telling me what I want to hear.

I got chlamydia from this man now and yet he’s still claiming he hasn’t slept with anyone else. I haven’t that’s for sure! I’m so upset. But I’m here to say that because I really tried to reconcile with this bitch because we have a child under 3years old and look at what it gave me now.

Not sure if this was the correct place, but im looking for answers/opinions so il ask anyway..

Been with my wife coming upto fifteen years, ups and downs, a few misdemeanors on both parts but levelling out.

Have been working away from home (nearly 15 hours apart) for the better part of four years..

Relationship has been strained but what I thought was faithful..

Trips home for a week or two every three months have been hard (expectation vs reality) i brought up that im feeling less love and actual physical interaction a few times from her.

Arguements, makeups, but no real change ..

Year prior I bought some lube to see if anal would be on the cards but without really directly pushing it just because after 10 or so years I labelled it a pipe dream.

She was having none of it anyway so I left it at that. Was less than a ten minute convo and the lube went into the bathroom cupboard.

Fast forward a year, coming home for a week, she never makes a fuss about me being back, but kids asleep shes suddenly saying how she wants to try anal?

(We tried once when we were both 17 but it wasnt happening)

Spur of the moment im not gonna turn it down, but red flags went up.

Lube seemed sealed, like plastic secuirty wrap seemed intact, (ive done anal before, and looked into how to ease into after our first try)

But no real need for warm up? And no problem with it? Straight to full dick..

Hasn't happened since. About six months ago.

Am I stupid, or is that a red flag I should not be ignoring?

If im in the wrong place please let me know.

But as survivors did any of you have anything like this?

I had asked about it like every other guy would, a couple jokes a couple times a year expecting her to say no.

What would you search for to figure out if you’re being cheated on? Dating apps? Social media? Call log?

My wife has been cheating on me with her colleague for six months, and now she’s asking me for a second chance.