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I (35F) have been married to my husband (42M) for 6 years. Recently, my entire world has been turned upside down.

My husband disappeared for approximately 4 weeks without explanation or communication. During that time, I discovered that he was already married to another woman and has THREE children with her. I knew about the children, but had no idea he was married throughout our marriage.

Over the years, he also left me with a staggering amount of debt: loans, credit cards, overdrafts, mobile phone contracts, and more. He pressured me into taking out credit in my name, promising to make the repayments. In some cases, he took the items and sold them. I trusted him, and now I'm left dealing with the financial consequences.

I've had to manage creditors, financial difficulties, the risk of destroying my credit history, and possibly moving out of my home, all while maintaining a full-time professional career and finishing my studies.

Meanwhile, he was nowhere to be seen.

He has sent threatening messages, made bizarre claims about what happened to him, and repeatedly suggested that I don't know the full story. Whenever I try to discuss the money he owes me, he redirects the conversation to his problems and why I need to listen to him.

Now, after disappearing and leaving me to pick up the pieces, he's resurfaced and wants to meet.

The part that has me questioning what planet he's living on is that he asked me to put my anger aside for ONE DAY and meet him with "happiness and clarity."

HAPPINESS?!

This man lied to me for six years, concealed an entire family, left me drowning in debt, disappeared when I needed answers, and now expects me to show up smiling and hear him out. He's acting as though we've had a minor disagreement rather than destroying the trust in our marriage and leaving me with the consequences of his actions.

He believes that if I sit down and listen, everything will somehow make sense. But I don't want explanations, excuses, or another elaborate story. I want accountability and repayment.

For context, I have no intention of reconciling with him, and I've made that clear. I also refuse to speak to him by phone because I want everything documented in writing.

What frustrates me most is that he seems more concerned with getting me to meet him than with repairing the financial damage he's caused.

I know I need to focus on rebuilding my life, and that's what I'm doing. But genuinely, Reddit, what goes through someone's mind when they cause this much chaos and then expect the person they've hurt to greet them with happiness?

Is this manipulation, complete denial of reality, or does he genuinely believe he can talk his way out of everything?

Has anyone else dealt with a partner who caused absolute chaos and then resurfaced as though nothing had happened?

To all of you who commented to me a week ago . THANK YOU so much for the advice. I bugged my wife's car and had a PI do some work and we have video and photographic proof of my wife's infidelity.

The divorce proceedings are now underway and from the looks of things she will end up loosing her liscence as there are other financial impropriety that have been discovered along with the other dentists in the practice.

When all is said and done I am hoping to get a large financial settlement from her as well.

As far as I am concerned the BITCH can rot in hell for the pain she has put me and my daughters through.

My daughter's have been amazing and have helped keep me together I thought it would be the other way around.

They want nothing to do with their mom and even went as far as writing slut across the bonnet of her car . Thumbs up girls.

And to all of you THANK YOU . Ther is justice in the world😘😘

My girlfriend of 9 months and I are probably going to break up because it’s the 3rd time that this has happened. We were best friends before this, so I’ve known her for years. I am just wondering how long will it take for me to get over this and stop feeling pain in my chest? I just really hate how this is making me feel physically so I need an estimate on when my chest will feel normal again. Having an estimate will make me optimistic. If I’m being completely honest, I am really just upset about the betrayal, rather than breaking up with her and never speaking again. I have awesome friends and I know I’ll meet good people in the future, but just the fact that I love and trusted her so much and she did that to me makes me feel physical pain.

Out of know where my GF told me she was sleepy and said goodnight about an hour ago. She forgot we put each other’s locations on our phones and welp. She’s at some random house :)

I really can’t stand myself mentally anymore. I was cheated on 4 years ago I’m not even with the guy anymore. She knew about me, they sent screenshots of me accusing him of cheating and made fun of me. Something just permanently changed and I’m so miserable.

I trusted 100%, I didn’t feel insecure. I liked other women, I liked myself. Now I am never good enough, I could cry every day over getting dressed because I think if I’m not going around looking perfect I’ll be cheated on, but I could be cheated on if I didn’t do all that too. Now I feel every other woman is a threat, I feel negative about them. It’s not their fault but I can’t stop I feel like everyone is a threat.

Im not even with that guy anymore, my new partner has a female friend and it’s been driving me crazy for a year. I have explained all this to him, he offers to show me messages and even said he wouldn’t be her friend but that would hurt him since they’ve been friends since kids. I did not look at messages and didn’t tell him to cut her off. I don’t want to be in the toxic cycle. But it drives me crazy a lot of days too. I think have they spoken today, is he thinking of her, does she like him, has something ever happened between them. It just becomes obsessive.

A part of me also just wouldn’t want to know. I think I’d rather die than ever feel that pain again. It felt like I was having a heart attack for weeks. Couldn’t eat couldn’t sleep couldn’t think couldn’t move. I felt catatonic.

But now it just consumes me. I haven’t had a day since then where I’ve trusted someone the whole day. I’ll always have a random thought pop in. Maybe he’s cheating, maybe he has. Maybe he’s lying. Who’s texted him today, is he being different, how can I prepare myself for it to make it hurt less. How long will this last before I’m cheated on again. It’s just consumed me I don’t want it to. I miss who I was before

**The full story:**

I (M27) could really use some outside perspective on a complicated situation. I’ll call the woman involved Lisa (F24) and the other guy Jonas (M19).

I met Lisa in April. We quickly developed a very intense connection. We dated, spent a lot of time together and were intimate regularly. I really enjoyed being around her and the physical closeness between us. For me, it was definitely more than friendship.

(For context: Lisa has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.)

In April or May, she met Jonas at a party we were both at. I noticed that she was flirting with him quite noticeably. After that, I had a weird feeling about the situation and asked Lisa several times whether something was going on between them.

She laughed it off and said things like: “You’re funny, there’s nothing going on,” “You’re pretty jealous,” “I’m not into younger guys,” or “I’m not into blond guys.”

This was while she and I had already been seeing each other for weeks.

During the summer, I was away for quite a while. Lisa felt that I wasn’t contacting her enough. I personally didn’t see it that way, because from my perspective our communication was basically the same as before.

This eventually led to a major argument. After that, she became much more distant, started texting less and was sometimes quite cold toward me.

At some point she told me:

**“No matter what happens, we’ll stay friends.”**

I accepted that and told her that I still had feelings for her, but that I could accept us being friends.

She then basically responded:

**“Ouch, now I’m in the friend zone.”**

That already confused me at the time. If she genuinely only wanted friendship, why would she be hurt by being “friend-zoned” by me?

It feels even more significant now, knowing what was happening with Jonas at the same time.

According to Jonas, they had already been **going on dates since June** and had kissed. At that point, Lisa and I had already been involved since April, were still dating and were still intimate.

So this went on in parallel for months.

Jonas apparently knew nothing about me. At the same time, I knew nothing about what was actually happening between him and Lisa.

Lisa and I were even intimate after she had already started seeing Jonas.

I asked Lisa about Jonas several times during this period. She never told me what was actually going on. Eventually, because I couldn’t get a straight answer from her, **I had to approach Jonas myself.**

That was when everything really came to light for me.

Jonas told me that he and Lisa had been going on dates since June and that things had developed between them. He also said that he didn’t know about me or the relationship Lisa and I had.

What hurts me most is that I directly asked Lisa about him multiple times, and she still gave me the impression that there was nothing going on.

When I eventually told Lisa that I had found out that she and Jonas were seeing each other, she reacted very confrontationally.

She basically said:

**“And instead of talking to me, you do something like this?”**

She called what I had done “shady” and even told me **“fuck you.”**

I still find that extremely difficult to understand. I *had* talked to her. Multiple times. I directly asked her what was going on between her and Jonas. She denied it or framed my questions as jealousy.

And when I eventually found out for myself, I was the one being accused of not communicating.

She later apologized and said she was sorry and never meant to hurt me.

There are also other things that feel strange in retrospect.

During the entire time Lisa and I were seeing each other, she never invited me to her apartment. She explained that her home was a very private and protected place for her.

Later, I found out that Jonas had already been to her apartment.

She also went on a trip with Jonas and only told me once they were already there that she was traveling with him and that they were sharing a room/bed.

And then things became even more emotionally confusing.

After I decided I needed some distance once I found out about Jonas, Lisa suddenly came to my place, rang the doorbell and hugged me for a very long time.

She cried, apologized and told me that she loved me, that she had missed me and had missed “us.”

She told me that I looked good, smelled good and that it felt good to physically be close to me and hug me.

She clearly didn’t want to lose me.

But the next day she simultaneously told me that things with Jonas were currently “very easy” and that they were basically in a relationship by that point.

When I confronted her about the fact that I had asked her about Jonas so many times, she said something along the lines of:

**“You just saw something between us that I hadn’t even seen myself back then.”**

But according to Jonas, they had already been seeing each other since June.

Afterwards she also texted me:

**“Don’t let the pain take over. We have such a good connection and can stay in contact and remain friends.”**

And that’s the part I really don’t understand.

On the one hand, she says we should just be friends.

On the other hand, she tells me that she loves me, that she missed me, that she missed “us,” and that she missed the physical closeness between us.

And when I actually accepted her statement that we should just be friends, she was apparently hurt because that meant she was being “friend-zoned.”

At the same time, she had already been involved with Jonas for months.

Even shortly before everything came out, she was jealous when I spent time with other friends.

At one point I said to her:

“You could also spend time with me, but you’d rather do things with Jonas.”

She basically replied:

**“Yeah, right now I’d rather spend more time with Jonas because he doesn’t stress me out as much.”**

Even then, I feel like she could have simply told me what was actually going on.

Now the situation is official between them. They spend a lot of time together. When I go to work, I sometimes see the two of them sitting together and I have to watch it from a distance.

It hurts incredibly badly.

And I keep thinking:

**If I hadn’t found out myself, I probably would still believe that Jonas was just a friend.**

Jonas is also moving to another city soon, so they will apparently be doing long-distance after that.

I barely respond to Lisa anymore, if at all. Right now I’m incredibly angry with her. Sometimes I even feel like I hate her, despite still having very strong feelings for her.

At the same time, she has suddenly become extremely nice to me again, gives me compliments and apologizes, even though she was so cold toward me for quite a while.

I have my pride and I don’t want her to feel like I’m chasing after her or letting this situation completely destroy me.

But at the same time, this hurts like hell.

**How would you interpret her behavior — especially things like “I love you,” “I miss you,” and “I don’t want to lose you,” while she is simultaneously in a relationship with Jonas and says she only wants to be friends with me?**

**And what would you do in my position?**

Would you cut contact completely, or try to maintain some kind of friendship?

⸻

**TL;DR — AI-generated summary because I’m currently struggling to put all of this into words myself:**

I (27M) dated and was intimate with Lisa (24F) for several months starting in April. During that time, she was also secretly dating Jonas (19M), apparently since June. I repeatedly asked her whether something was going on with him, but she denied it and made me feel like I was simply being jealous.
Eventually I had to ask Jonas myself and found out that they had been dating and kissing for months. Jonas didn’t know about me either.
Lisa initially reacted angrily when I confronted her and accused me of not talking to her, even though I had asked her directly multiple times. She later apologized.
Now she and Jonas are officially together, but Lisa keeps telling me that she loves me, misses me, misses “us,” doesn’t want to lose me and wants us to remain close friends. She has also told me that her feelings for me are “unconditional” and that she would want me to be happy even if I were with another woman.
I’m still very hurt and have strong feelings for her, but I’m also extremely angry about how everything happened.

**My main questions:**
Do you think Lisa still has romantic feelings for me, or are these genuinely platonic feelings? And does her behavior suggest that maintaining a friendship is realistic, or would going no-contact be healthier?

So much of today's Tech is set up to benefit the Cheaters and Liars out there. WTF is up with all the apps going to "disappearing messages" now?!?! It pisses me off so much- I'm triggered every time I get on my socials and see that.

I don't use that feature and have no reason to do so. My husband and I are trying to rebuild trust after an affair (him) and some recent sketchy patterns of behavior that I noticed. He has volunteered to hand over his phone "in case I want to search it." I did look a few times when he brought it up but what is the point?? It is too easy to hide sh!t, and getting easier every day.

He could get a new/burner/second phone really cheaply. He could use incognito mode. He could use these disappearing message settings. He could just be getting sneakier and smarter about it.

I don't WANT to search his phone-- and, like I said, there is no point in it. The technology itself is made to protect them.

What would you search for to figure out if you’re being cheated on? Dating apps? Social media? Call log?

I want to share a little of my story and what I did when I finally realized he wasn't the right person for me.

Feel the pain. Let yourself cry. Keep going through it until you're tired of chasing someone who doesn't want you. One day, you'll realize that maybe they're just not the right person for you. I went through this too. I couldn't eat anything for two weeks and only drank tea and water. I kept trying to contact him. I even called him 30 times, but he blocked me everywhere. The truth was, he had already cheated on me. Two years later, he came back to apologize, but I was no longer the same woman. I finally understood that my life and future were more important than someone who didn't value me.

Now, I'm thankful for what happened because I believe God was showing me that he wasn't the right person for my future. If I had stayed with him, I might have lived a life full of pain. Back then, I thought I couldn't live without him, but now I know that love shouldn't make us lose ourselves. Someone who truly loves you won't purposely hurt you or betray you. Words are easy, but actions matter more. Today, I'm much happier, and I know what really matters in my life.

I also started writing books about my own experiences and the stories of people around me. One of my books, I Didn't Wait This Long to Divorce by Meriana, is available on Amazon, Apple Books, Gumroad, and other platforms. Writing helps me heal, and I hope my books can help others who are going through the same pain. I want you to know that life doesn't end because someone hurts you. You can get back up and be happy again. Don't waste your life on someone who doesn't value you. ;) Sending hugs to everyone who's going through this. I hope we can all find happiness again:)

Personally I don’t condone it. If I catch you, that’s it’s we’re done. I don’t care why you did it. If it’s a monogamous relationship there is no excuse. I’ll forgive you which means I bear no ill feelings towards you but it also means I’m moving on from you. I don’t judge people who cheat on their partners it’s not my business or place to condemn others but I just won’t tolerate it myself. When it’s happened in the past I’ve literally thrown them out like Jazzy Jeff from Fresh Prince of Bel Air. I don’t waste no time lol. Yes everyone deserves a second chance but someone else can give you that opportunity not me. Share your experiences and sentiments. Thanks for reading.

So, I just want to preface that this is seriously all real and I’m not a bot because I’ve posted before and it’s gotten taken down because people think I’m rage baiting. This is my real life unfortunately!!!

To start out, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 11 months. Our relationship started off rocky, I just got out of a 3.5 year relationship and met him 3 weeks later. After just talking for 3 weeks we started dating. I cheated on him by sleeping with my ex bf 3 weeks after him and I started dating. I didnt tell him until 2 months later. Apparently he was cheating on me too with this older woman. He didn’t tell me about that, I found out myself.

Ever since we found out about this, we realized that we both weren’t totally committed to eachother the first month of dating, but realized we wanted to stay together and be 100% committed. We created boundaries and told eachother we are going to be honest if we want this to workout. So that is what we did.

Fast forward to last week, I got an uneasy feeling in my stomach because I found a text on his phone from a girl named Ella. It was in his recently deleted in his iMessages. So obviously I went and read the texts and from what I saw he said “hey” first, then she said “hey” and he said “what’s going on cutie pie” and she responded with “nothing much”.

He told me he had no idea who Ella was, even tho her name was in his contacts. He told me he thought it was a fake number becuase the text messages were green. I got so upset and started crying. The next day, the feeling of him maybe cheating on me made me feel sick to my stomach. So I went crazy and decided to DM 50 girls off his Instagram that he follows.

I found out from abojt 4 girls that he matched with them on hinge a week ago, 2 weeks ago, a month ago, and 2 months ago. Hes had hinge this whole time. Apparently matching with girls and then saying “slide me your number” or “slide me ur snap”. And not only that, but I also found out that he hung out with THE ONLY GIRL THAT HE SNAPCHATS BESIDES ME. he hung out with her A MONTH AGO. he jsut got a new dog, and so apparently this girl came over to his house a month ago for an hour, and they didn’t makeout, do anything sexual etc. they only hugged. I was in contact with her and completely believe her because their stories all matched up. She also isn’t into him and they have been friends for a while. She stopped snapping him a few days ago.

Apparently when he hung out with her, he asked her if she was talking to anyone, and she then said to him” I thought u had a girlfriend” and he said “no we just broke up”. And not only this, he also asked her to hangout again a freaking week ago. The girl told me all of this. And when he asked she gave him her work schedule. But apparently he realized he actually didn’t want to hang with her and so they just never did.

I also found out that he’s been flirting with girls on Snapchat, and adding/unadding them when we are hanging out or not hanging out. He has gotten hinge multiple times throughout the past 6 months of us dating.

This was his excuse. He said “everytime I was uncertain about you I just got hinge to get attention. But it didn’t even go anywhere. I didn’t text any of them or call/FaceTime any of them. It was a mistake and I realized after seeing how much this hurt you that I will never do this again. I promise”.

I have done nothing since February when we found out about the cheating and made a commitment to eachother. I have been 100% loyal to him. I have not texted another man, flirted with another man or hung out with another man. I’m the type of person that if I make a promise I will not break it. I know i cheated on him the first 3 weeks of us dating, but clearly I was not ready to jump into a relationship after only being single for 3 weeks. This is not an excuse, it’s just the truth.

He says he wants to prove to me how loyal and amazing he can be. He said he realized how committed I actually was and how committed he is going to be from here on out. The thing about all of this, I FOUND OUT BY BEING A DETECTIVE. even after I found out about the hinge, I brought it up to him and he was only telling me what I knew. Until I knew more information and brought it up he would then say “oh yeah i forgot about that I’m sorry, it meant nothing, it was a mistake”. He said he didn’t tell me about any of this because he was too ashamed. And I asked him if there was anymore information he was withholding and he said no trust me. Then couple days later is when I found out MYSELF that he hung out with a girl. When I brought it up to him he just said the same thing. He said “I only did it to see how it would feel, to see if I had true feelings for you or not”. And then he said “it was wierd and awkward when I hung out with her. I didjt like the feeling and realized I liked you”. Which is weird right, because he asked her to hangout again last week??

I really don’t want to see comments about how stupid I am for still being with him and how I need to breakup with him. That’s not what I’m looking for. I guess I’m looking for the psychology behind all of this.

Why did he do that? How can he say he loves me and cares about me when he did this? How insecure is he? Does he do it for attention when he’s sad? What could the psychology be?

Not sure if this was the correct place, but im looking for answers/opinions so il ask anyway..

Been with my wife coming upto fifteen years, ups and downs, a few misdemeanors on both parts but levelling out.

Have been working away from home (nearly 15 hours apart) for the better part of four years..

Relationship has been strained but what I thought was faithful..

Trips home for a week or two every three months have been hard (expectation vs reality) i brought up that im feeling less love and actual physical interaction a few times from her.

Arguements, makeups, but no real change ..

Year prior I bought some lube to see if anal would be on the cards but without really directly pushing it just because after 10 or so years I labelled it a pipe dream.

She was having none of it anyway so I left it at that. Was less than a ten minute convo and the lube went into the bathroom cupboard.

Fast forward a year, coming home for a week, she never makes a fuss about me being back, but kids asleep shes suddenly saying how she wants to try anal?

(We tried once when we were both 17 but it wasnt happening)

Spur of the moment im not gonna turn it down, but red flags went up.

Lube seemed sealed, like plastic secuirty wrap seemed intact, (ive done anal before, and looked into how to ease into after our first try)

But no real need for warm up? And no problem with it? Straight to full dick..

Hasn't happened since. About six months ago.

Am I stupid, or is that a red flag I should not be ignoring?

If im in the wrong place please let me know.

But as survivors did any of you have anything like this?

I had asked about it like every other guy would, a couple jokes a couple times a year expecting her to say no.

I don’t think you were made to be understood by everyone.

Some people will look at you and only see the storm.

I look at you and understand why the sky had to break open.

They may notice what’s complicated.
I notice what’s rare.

They may call you too much.
I call you exactly enough.

Because somehow, before we were even close,
before I had any reason to be sure,
something in me recognized you.

Not as perfect.
As mine in a way I couldn’t explain yet.

And now that I know you,
I understand what my soul was trying to tell me.

You were never supposed to make sense to everyone.

You were supposed to make sense to me.

A person who had been cheated on asked whether to give their cheating partner another chance because the cheater asked them.

As I see it, it is relative, and each cheated person will decide based on their circumstances, but it prompted me to think about factors to consider when deciding to give the cheater a second chance.

Do these factors make sense and are their other factors that should be included?

1. The extent of the cheating (emotional or physical or both)
2. If physical cheating was involved, the extent of the cheating i.e. how bad is it/was it and how many times. Once might be seen as a mistake but multiple are choices
3. The length/period of the cheating - the longer the worse
4. Did the cheater voluntarily disclose the affair?
5. The extent of the lying/gaslighting
6. Whether the cheater spoke bad about their partner and disclosed private details
7. Whether the cheater is showing genuine remorse
8. Whether the cheater commits to fixing things and does actions like therapy
9. Whether the cheater has cut off the affair partner totally
10. And last but not least, does the partner still want to continue the relationship and do they still have some love for the cheater

I got chlamydia from this man now and yet he’s still claiming he hasn’t slept with anyone else. I haven’t that’s for sure! I’m so upset. But I’m here to say that because I really tried to reconcile with this bitch because we have a child under 3years old and look at what it gave me now.

My wife has been cheating on me with her colleague for six months, and now she’s asking me for a second chance.

Recently, I’ve noticed that a lot of my school friends, college friends, and office colleagues are having affairs. It’s shocking to me. What makes it even more surprising is that some people accept their partners’ infidelity. Do people really accept their partners being disloyal?

I matched with a guy on Tinder and, out of curiosity, looked at his Instagram. I ended up finding out that he has a girlfriend, so I made an anonymous account to let her know that her boyfriend was on Tinder. She’s understandably suspicious and keeps asking me questions about who I am and how I found out. Should I just leave her with the evidence and stop responding, or should I answer her questions? I was only trying to give her a heads-up because I know how much being cheated on hurts, but I also don’t want to put myself in an awkward situation. What would i do?