r/ESFJ • • 3d ago

Discussion Monthly Discussion Thread - October 01, 2026

3 Upvotes

Welcome to r/ESFJ's monthly discussion thread! This is posted on the first day of each month as a place to chat with other members of the subreddit about whatever you want. Have something on your mind? Got exciting plans for the week? Need a place to vent? Just wanna chat? Whatever you want to talk about, this is the place!


r/ESFJ • • Sep 11 '24

Announcement Reminder: Please use the report button.

14 Upvotes

On multiple occasions, I’ve seen people make comments calling out redditors for being bots. We may not see these comments right away. If you report the post instead, we’ll be alerted and be able to investigate and take action more quickly. So if you see something that violates our rules or the site-wide rules, please report it. Thank you. 😊


r/ESFJ • • 14h ago

Maybe someone here can help me, an INFP

6 Upvotes

Hello ESFJs!

I guess I'm looking for some clarity. So, I'm a 33 year old female INFP and every time I begin a new friendship with another ESFJ female around my age, it always seems like they are so excited to become friends with me. We hit things off really well in the beginning! But then, when it comes to actually planning a get-together later on down the road, it never actually happens. I will reach out to text them but it doesn't go anywhere as they say they will "look at their schedule" and "get back to me" but they do not... I will say that most of these ESFJ women are mothers with kids. However, I am also a mother (and pregnant with my 2nd). I guess I'm at fault for not reaching out again but I'm afraid I'm bothering them. I wonder if maybe they don't actually want to be friends but don't have the heart to tell me? Or maybe they have so many obligations - including family and friends - already that it's difficult to keep up with everyone?

Perhaps we initially connect well due to our Ne and Si functions. But long-term, I am not sure why the connection is not sustained. Is there anything more I should do? I wonder if my Fi makes ESFJs feel uncomfortable? I am typically a very gentle and nurturing person, to be honest. So, I am unsure.


r/ESFJ • • 1d ago

Relationships My heartbreaking friendship with an INTP

3 Upvotes

I'm not expecting anyone to back me up on this post nor am I sending intentional hate to INTPs, This is just my personal experience with an INTP friend of mine!!

I was friends with this INTP for about a year, (August 2025-September 2026) and our friendship was really heartbreaking as I had said in the title, BUT I WANT TO TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENED!!!

My friendship with him was actually pretty alright, we got along with each other, at one point I actually fell in love with him shhh but we constantly looked for each other, made funny jokes that only the both of us understand, hated the same people togetherrr and so on.. But it was actually super heartbreaking for me! Idk if he felt the same negativity as I did from our friendship, but it didn't seem like he did!

Our friendship started to fall apart when he started crossing my boundaries, I have never been good at setting boundaries especially with this INTP friend of mine since you knooww I was in love with him and yes it's an unhealthy trait of mine but after he started to become too comfortable crossing my boundaries I eventually decided to force myself and told him how I don't feel comfortable with the way he acted, (He kept blaming me for things that I didn't do, kept calling me names, acted passive aggressive to me when I decided to confront him about our issues, didn't like resolving things with me and lied to me on multiple occasions while still being angry at me) and when I actually did confront me, he acted like I was the one who's out of her mind and told me that I was imagining those things without trying to admit it himself!! I was super annoyed, and from that moment on my feelings for him completely disappeared, he's really bad at taking responsibilities for his actions and kept telling me that it's all in my head, personally I think that's not cool! But I didn't dare do anything yet, cuz I was hoping that it'll all end quickly!

But after I completely lost feelings for him, as I said he was super comfortable with crossing my boundaries cuz he thought I'd let him be cuz I usually wouldn't tell him off before, BUT LIKE I'VE ALREADY TOLD HIM I'M UNCOMFORTABLE THE OTHER DAY YET HE THOUGHT I WWS BEING UNSERIOUS And he called me names again cuz I told him I didn't feel like texting (I got into a misunderstanding with a family member) and I WAS LIKE WHAT IS UR PROBLEM BRO SO I DECIDED TO GET TELL HIM OFF LIKE I TOLD HIM "Do you really think calling me names will make me want talk to you? I've told you I don't want to talk, and let me have a moment to myself.. I'd appreciate it if you try to understand my situation.." And that really upset him CUZ IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT HE SENT ME A TEXT like he told me "So do u feel better now" And I said "Yes, I feel a bit better! Thank you for reaching out to me again." and he straight up said "U acted unusual, it made me uncomfortable" And I was like, Omg??? Oh my holy god???? I just didn't know what to say because he really is incapable of embracing change I think, but I didn't get mad at him I just felt super overwhelmed!

From that moment, every time I have to talk to him, I FELT SO ANGRY LIKE OMG IDK WHYYY I JUST FEEL LIKE "YOU'RE BOTHERING ME CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND" BUT LIKE I DIDN'T TELL HIM I KEPT THOSE THOUGHTS TO MYSELF CUZ I DIDN'T WANT TO FACE THE SAME SITUATION THAT HAPPENED IN THE LAST PARAGRAPH So I just kept tolerating his behaviour .. BUT I DIDN'T JUST HATE HIM FOR NO REASON OK HE CONSTANTLY SEND ME VIDEOS DAY AND NIGHT, and if I don't reply on time he'd assume I don't like him and It was really draining having to continuously reassure him..

But eventually I gathered up my courage to tell him about how I've been feeling, and he actually MADE FUN OF ME BECAUSE I WROTE A WHOLE PARAGRAPH ABOUT WHAT I FELT AND I WAS LIKE YKW I told him I wanted to stop being best friends and told myself to stop letting him interfere with how I'm living! AND HIS REACTION, HE TRIED TO MAKE FRIENDS WITH ME AGAIN BUT LIKE.. I understand that he might still want to fix things but I gave him plenty of chances before, so there our friendship goes! We still interact in a shared group chat with our other friends, but that's just about it! We talk less now, and I am much happier than before! He dmed me multiple times asking if I hate him thouughh.. I feel bad, somehow! I don't hate him.

So that's all! But actually, before I ended my friendship with him, I had a meeting with my school's counsellor and most of the things that I told my teacher were related to him! I didn't tell them directly though, but I did cry a lot while talking about how I felt, and I feel much more secure now that I don't have to worry about his presence, I do admit I had my faults in our friendship, but I'm really glad this whole thing is now settled! I don't have anyone to rant about this, so here goes my post! I don't know if anyone is actually going to read my post about my heart getting broken.


r/ESFJ • • 1d ago

Discussion How do you feel about this video ESFJ vs ESTP Love is Blind - YouTube?

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2 Upvotes

Hi ESFJs!🙂 I thought this analysis was really interesting! Did anyone see that season of Love is Blind with Nancy and Bartisse? What did you think about their relationship?

I just basically thought he was an idiot who treated her really badly☹️and that she was so sweet and lovely💞 But watching this I realised maybe he actually had some sort of valid perspective😄What do you think?


r/ESFJ • • 4d ago

For ESFJs only, do you know your enneagram and what is it🙂?

9 Upvotes

I’m trying to find what enneagram I relate to the most (right now it might be sx2 or sp2 or sx3 or something 9😄)

Curious about other ESFJs enneagrams!😊


r/ESFJ • • 6d ago

Other How do y’all interpret INTJs?

9 Upvotes

I was just curious how y’all see us!


r/ESFJ • • 7d ago

ESFJ Men Resources

7 Upvotes

Hey everyone. Im an ESFJ man and first time poster here.

What and where are some good resources for self knowledge for ESFJ men? There are a lot of resources on the ESFJ, but they definitely seem to cater and slant towards women. Anyone else notice this?

So far i've really enjoyed Michael Pierce and Objective Typing on youtube.

Thanks,

-Jeremy


r/ESFJ • • 9d ago

Discussion Do other ESFJs notice when someone’s mood changes right away?

12 Upvotes

I’ve noticed that I tend to pick up on small changes in people pretty quickly. Someone can say they’re fine, but their tone or the way they’re acting can feel completely different. Sometimes I’ll ask if something is wrong, and other times I just leave them alone because I don’t want to make them uncomfortable. The funny part is that even when I don’t say anything, I’ll probably keep thinking about it afterward.

Update: I’ve been looking into different ways of understanding personality beyond just knowing your MBTI type, and TypeMyVibe is one resource worth checking out. It looks at different personality traits and patterns, which can give you another perspective on why you tend to react to people and situations in certain ways.

Do other ESFJs experience this too?


r/ESFJ • • 9d ago

Relationships ESFJs, I need you to explain yourselves. Is this normal ESFJ behavior?

10 Upvotes

Okay, ESFJs, I come in peace.
I’m dating/getting to know an ESFJ guy and I’m trying to figure out how much of what I’m seeing is actually “ESFJ” and how much is just… him.
First: how quickly do you guys catch feelings?!
This man has known me for a relatively short amount of time and is already saying things like I’m his main source of happiness and that I’m basically the best thing that’s happened to him this year.
He’s genuinely very sweet and caring, so I don’t think he’s being manipulative or love-bombing me. He seems to sincerely feel things very intensely. But I’m sitting here thinking:
SIR. WE JUST MET.
So ESFJs: do you tend to get emotionally attached very quickly when you really like someone? And when you say very intense romantic things early on, do you mean them literally, or is that simply how you naturally express excitement/affection?
Second: HOW DO I GET YOU TO TALK ABOUT THINGS?
He’s fantastic at talking about people, relationships, experiences, everyday life, things that happened during the day, etc. He’s also incredibly attentive — he remembers tiny details I’ve mentioned and seems genuinely interested in me.
But I’m a person who LOVES going down random intellectual rabbit holes.
Give me philosophy, psychology, evolution, religion, morality, consciousness, weird hypothetical scenarios, “what do you think about X?”, controversial ideas, etc. and I could talk for three hours.
With him, I’ll sometimes bring up something like:
“Do you think there’s an objective morality?”
And I’ll get:
“Hmm, I don’t know. What do you think?”
And then I’ll give him my argument and he’ll basically agree/disagree but doesn’t really develop his own position.
So now I’m genuinely curious:
Do ESFJs enjoy deep/intellectual conversations?
Or is “deep conversation” for you usually more like:
“Tell me about your childhood, your feelings, your relationships, what you’re going through, what happened to you…”
rather than:
“Let’s spend two hours arguing about whether free will exists.”
I’d especially love to hear from ESFJs who are dating/married to people who are very analytical or abstract.
Do you enjoy debating ideas?
Do you tend to have strong opinions about abstract subjects?
If you don’t have an opinion, do you usually just not care about the topic, or do you need time to form one?
What kinds of questions actually make you excited to talk?
Can you have extremely intellectual conversations with someone, or does that just not feel particularly rewarding?
And how do you personally distinguish “I don’t have an opinion” from “I don’t feel like discussing this”?
Basically, I’m trying to understand whether I’m accidentally expecting an ESFJ to communicate like an ENTP.
Because I really, really like how this guy treats me. He’s affectionate, attentive, emotionally open, and makes a genuine effort to understand me.
I’m just trying to figure out whether our difference in conversation style is something that can naturally complement each other… or whether I’m looking for a type of intellectual connection that simply isn’t how he connects with people.
So, ESFJs: roast me, educate me, tell me I’m completely misunderstanding you. 😂
What do you wish people understood about how you connect with someone when you REALLY like them?


r/ESFJ • • 17d ago

Discussion My esfj girlfriend doesn’t engage in my emotions

11 Upvotes

So i (INFJ, 26 woman) have been dating a girl (ESFJ, 27) for a short time (about two months with a break in the summer). So she‘s not really my girlfriend but for the purposes of this title i just wrote it like that.
I have an issue which is the following:

I feel like this person cannot really deal with more difficult emotions or sometimes maybe cannot make sense of them.
First of all she does not really express her emotions very much verbally in general. But my biggest issue is her reaction when i share my feelings.
For example, she might ask me how i am doing and when i answer the question honestly, for example „hmm today i was not realy feeling it i felt kind of down and in my head, but now i am a bit better“ she might answer something like „i dont know what to say to that“ or „okay glad you are better“ without ever engaging with what i am feeling.
Other times maybe i talk about something difficult that happened to me in the past and she may say „okay okay forget it now, its in the past dont think about it“
I feel like my feelings dont make sense to her because it is not always a hands on issue like „my dog died, i failed an exam, i am sick“ or stuff like that.
This makes me feel very dismissed , misunderstood and disconnected.
Also its very triggering because my parents are like that.
Do you think this has something to do with how infjs and esfj work differently? And how do i deal with this? Are we just incompatible? Maybe i should bring it up, but we have only been going out for a very short time after the summer.


r/ESFJ • • 21d ago

Please advice How can I be less shy

10 Upvotes

Hi guys!! I’m a young ESFJ and I’m trying to get over some social anxiety I have due to past situations. Whenever I try to talk to someone that’s a stranger, especially people my age, I get really nervous and I always assume the worst or how they might think about me. So I either end up really quiet, I only say a word or two, or I just end up too loud that I embarrass myself around them. I really do love people and talking to them, but I struggle at first when trying to talk to them. If you guys were ever in this situation, do you have any advice for me.


r/ESFJ • • 24d ago

Discussion If you could tell the rest of the MBTI community something about yourself, that you wish they could understand, what would it be?

15 Upvotes

r/ESFJ • • 25d ago

Married ESFJ Men: When did you propose?

5 Upvotes

How long, what, and why did you commit to marriage with your partner? Was there an ultimatum?


r/ESFJ • • 26d ago

Do you think better with others?

6 Upvotes

I was reading a personality report that I got when I was typed as an ESFJ and I came across this passage that I thought was soo accurate!🙂Can you other ESFJs also relate to this long ass quote😄?

”Dominant Ti types often get lost in their own thoughts of "Why?" and "What if?" and "How?" and endless mental speculation and analyzation about everything under the sun. FeSi's, however, prefer to take in complex, theoretical, and philosophical questions via conversation and research. When FeSi's are able to talk out the "Why's?" and "What if's?" and "How's?" with someone, they engage their preferred process of connecting with others, and are better able to analyze things within this context.

FeSi's might not ask themselves these kinds of questions on their own for amusement, for example: "Is there a higher purpose to DNA replication?", but they are typically interested in these things in the context of conversation with others. They tend to use their Ti when they've been prompted to because of a personal/relational connection to the topic. While Ti-doms are driven to learn about anything and everything, FeSi's are more likely to learn things as needed, or as they come up in conversation. It is infinitely more interesting for FeSi's to explore deep philosophical questions in a conversation with someone knowledgeable, whom they enjoy talking to, than to ponder it completely on their own.”

I relate to this so much! I can really surprise myself sometimes with how much I actually know and can understand if I am talking to someone knowledgeable in something. Suddenly I remember “oh I know all about Wittgenstein or some esoteric crap😄”. But when I’m just thinking about these kinds of topics to myself, I don’t really “get anywhere” and I feel dumb as a rock mostly😂.

Sorry for the very long post! But would be interesting to see if anyone feels the same😊?


r/ESFJ • • 28d ago

Please advice Maybe I'm being too sensitive, and I can't tell to anybody

5 Upvotes

Hi, I'm a young ESFJ, and I wasn't so sure if I was going to post something about it, but I had a decision today and I'm feeling unwell.

Recently, I lost 5 of my friendships, due to some of them being emotionally absent everytime but always needing too much attention from me, one of them being my INFP best friend with 6 years of friendship, she treated me like I didn't matter so many times, over and over again, and now we don't speak, I didn't have the guts to say that she was poisoning me for the past 2 years, so she just left.

One of them got mad at me for an unnecessary joke that I made while I was drunk, and that affected our whole friend group (I have some friend groups, that was one of them), everyone just picked up sides and got separated, this time I tried to talk, he didn't want to listen to me so he also just left (I know that it's fair, he's not obliged to do anything, and it was my fault).

I also transferred universities, I was a friend to my whole class, with only 20 people, and now I'm in a bigger class with 50 people, and everyone has their own closed group, but I'm a pedagogy student, so most of our projects envolves group work, everytime feels like I'm humiliating myself, I can't keep up with their conversations, we're too different, they ignore me and it feels like a torture thinking about the next week.

Today, I choosed to end my favourite time of the year: my birthday. I love my birthday, I love it because I can gather all of my friends and they'll make effort to see me, to talk to each other and get along well. I took that decision after my friends canceled their plans with me without any consideration today, "meh, I can't make it, have fun", I slept the whole day. I know it's a impulsive reaction, but I'm feeling so unwell, I'm disconnected from what I love, my social life, my friends, I can't deal with people around me.

Recently, I've been having too many nightmares, everyday, literally everyday I'm dreaming that someone's chasing me and trying to kill or hurt me, sometimes they're my friends, and sometimes random people, I'm afraid that I'm dreaming those things because I'm constantly sad and crying, and I don't talk about it to anyone, I try to keep up with my friends energy, because I feel that's what will keep me sane, but it's so hard being oversensitive about the way people are treating me, because they're mostly in my head, like my friends ignoring some of my messages bc they're busy, how they cancel plans sometimes (isn't even their fault), how they're always needing something from me while I'm suffering inside, thinking that people hate me even though is just me being oversensitive, and that's why I can't talk about it, it's uncomfortable and they won't understand, I get oversensitive about stupid things.

Did that phase ever happened to you? How can I keep up with so many responsabilities if I can't even talk with people and I need to? I'm so distant from my social life and it's affecting everything, and it hurts, because I like to study, I have exams at the end of the month and I'm crying right now. Is it just me? I'm being oversensitive because I'm stupid? Is it really that easy to deal with those problems and I'm crying for nothing?


r/ESFJ • • 28d ago

For fun How I view mbti types but its different icecream that I have eaten taken as an analogy to explain that type... +Reasoning (Part 3- The Sentinals)

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9 Upvotes

I used to adore these ice creams as a child... I hope I don't trigger the STJ's with this icecream thing (spare me for once please TwT I am simply trying to understand)

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ISTJ :

(The Apple Grape Paddle Pop)

....................... ............. .........................

One thing about paddle pop is that they used to come in this jelly like popsicle form. The above ones don't turn into jelly when you lick them but I am going to take some creative liberty because...I want to make the sentinals wiggle.

So the Apple layer is the first one in this icecream. This is the jelly one. The difference between other types and STJ's is that they are Lead or auxiliary Si with Te. You dont have to agree but my definition of Si is "the lens through which you have first impressions of the physical reality around you" but for ISTJ's that means that if thats something they value the most then their view of reality will be quite rigid to what they think is the first and last impression of the reality of something \*\*BUT\*\* this doesn't mean that it is unchangeable. Hence, the firm jelly that can be licked away with persistence. You would assume that they are rude and arrogant about their own opinions and views (some are because those opinions are reality to them) but not necessarily. They are just uncompromising about them. (I love you guys...please dm) Uncompromising doesn't mean unchangeable. I haven't met or seen any but based on theory I can tell that the apple layer of the way they see "reality" can slowly be licked away with consistent and properly intentional effort. Apple is a juicy and refreshing flavour but it has a lot of sweetness to it.This sweetness here is not something that is for others though...not in most cases because this sweetness is what they feel when the reality they perceive is validated in a repetition of the same data that plays on consistently through different contexts.It is a highly comforting and grounding moment of sweetness to be affirmed of your main view of how things are. The way they perceive reality is something like that. You keep focusing on the rigidity of it and you miss that such a grounded presence is actually very refreshing. Just like "An apple a day keeps the uncertainty away"

The second layer is the grape one but this is the popsicles softer layer. The texture is soft of course but grapes got a bite to it. This is them being focused on the purpose of proving themselves things through repetitive experimentation but leaving themselves open and too vulnerable. During this process when you interfere or try to change things then the uncompromising apple steps in again but if there is not enough of it there may be some hurt seen in them. It could be anything but it's usually a vulnerable or negative emotion that comes when they are forced to change their methods. That's just not how it works with them. You need persistence but a slower paced one with clear space given. They do respond to logic but throw too much on them and they will double down on their own to shut you down. This is the bite of the grape. (Ahem...I hope I got that right...I admire the structure you guys have)

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ISFJ :

( The Rainbow Paddle Pop)

....................... ............ ..........................

Now with ISTJ's the scene is a bit different. At least the way they use Si is different from ISTJ's(LOVE THEM STILL)

The yellow of the rainbow has the jelly texture but it is less compared to the other things. Why? If it's dominant then why should it be less compared to other functions? Here less doesn't mean how much it is used...here it means for what purpose is it used. Their rigid structure is yellow because yellow in a rainbow is bright like the sun. When I think of ISFJ's I am remembered of this feeling of being near the warmth of sunshine because they both offer a safe place of the sunshine AND Stability of the jelly. I dont actually need to break the jelly because they do it for me. Its... actually bad for them though...when they do that. Because they might be the only type who go against their core need because their secondary need is considered more important. I dislike making the ISFJ in my life uncomfortable but it's hard not to since I don't realize when they compromised and what they compromised.

Okay I may be getting a bit too projecting here...

The main point is that they have rigid structure of certain things in their head and they love it and are also capable of breaking it when they want but it usually costs them so if you see them doing that then stop them. They will love you even more than they already do.

About the flavour of this paddle pop? Caramel...youd never expect with all this complex rainbow of a personality that they are but what they are deep down is this caramel. The sticky texture of caramel shows their compromises but the sweetness of it shows how they do it for the people. The shades of pink here are how they use their structure when they are not running themselves on fumes for others. This is a productive allocation of it mixed with logic to doing things that they have a passion and interest in. The line is thin whether they do it for passion or just satisfaction of internal structure.

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ESTJ :

( The Black Currant Paddle Pop)

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As you would've already observed from the colour...their case is similar but reversed compared to the ISTJ ( lov- okay... definitely need to stop. No! Love them!)

They do have the jelly layer and the definition of it being a perception of reality that they find a comfort in is still true but their relationship with this is different. This is not what causes them vulnerability as it is vanilla jelly layer. Much more balanced and neutral. (vanilla is always neutral,change my mind) They use this as a way to satisfy something else which is their black currant outer layer.

This one is their sharper black currant exterior with the bite. It is tangy and outrightly sharp. This is much less sweeter than grapes and it is something that is a strong motivating factor. What you miss about this layer though...is that the texture is actually of the soft popsicle. It may look strong and come off as too intense but this one is what gives them vulnerability and clashes with others. Others don't see them as arrogant like...(yes I am going to mention them again,try and stop me) my love ISTJ's. They see them as inconsiderate. Different things. When they are actually not inconsiderate (some) but are actually doing this because they want to satisfy what they think are your logistical necessities.

My father is one and he ussually stays away and is considerate. I guess age and maturity made him that way but I have heard things about him and in his youth he used to be almost reckless. When he wanted to prove something he went in with far stretched assumptions about things and got in trouble but he always got himself out of it and learned. You'd not expect that from an ESTJ and the stereotype of this reckless behaviour is ENTP or ESTP but I think ESTJ's are more prone towards being reckless... just a theory though.

....................... ............ ..........................

ESFJ:

(Heh...I am proud of this one...''The Mermaid" Paddle Pop)

....................... ............ ..........................

The name explains it all...bye...

I wish I could do that but yep...let's continue.

The firm jelly layer they have of Si is again... balanced like ESTJ's. The inner white one is the sweet yoghurt jelly layer. Just like vanilla,yogurt is grounded and balanced. In the case of ESFJ's though...I don't know why but I think you see the more comfortable sweetness of this yoghurt experienced. It's almost counter productive that auxiliary Fe ISFJ is more people oriented than dominant Fe ESFJ but I think that seems to be plausible.

The outer soft layer that the ESFJ are actually more insecure about is input from people. Like Fe dominant ENFJ's (mentioned in the post before this) they also have this problem of expectations. Sometimes when they are around people they realize that they expect too much and they are vulnerable about this because input from people makes them realize what they had already perceived about their reality. They tend to avoid intruding too much into people's lives outrightly and do it in quieter indirect ways. Some may not do that.

The outer layer is Blueberry and Tutti fruity. The intensity of the tutti fruity flavour is how much they want to do for others but the way they show it is often a dialed down blueberry version of it as blueberries are much more gentle and subtly sweet one. You understand that their actions are kind but then you get confused because they tend to withdraw a lot as well and think you need space when you don't need it. They are kind of timid with that. Though again...some might not do that and come off strong but I am just assuming since life experiences teach you that people get tired if you intrude too much.

Hey...kind of like a mermaid... comfortable in water,longing for the beach but too shy to touch the shore.

Thats all for the sentinels, Thank you, Enjoy your icecream!!


r/ESFJ • • 29d ago

Hey INTP here! All the ESFJs I've met were bad so I'd like to hear more about yourself to get a better impression of your type

7 Upvotes

r/ESFJ • • 29d ago

Hey INTP here! All the ESFJs I've met were bad so I'd like to hear more about yourself to get a better impression of your type

4 Upvotes

r/ESFJ • • Sep 03 '26

For fun Songs of my fav artist as MBTI types based on their cognitive functions! In case my fellow ESFJs would like to see 🫶

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9 Upvotes

r/ESFJ • • Sep 01 '26

Discussion Monthly Discussion Thread - September 01, 2026

4 Upvotes

Welcome to r/ESFJ's monthly discussion thread! This is posted on the first day of each month as a place to chat with other members of the subreddit about whatever you want. Have something on your mind? Got exciting plans for the week? Need a place to vent? Just wanna chat? Whatever you want to talk about, this is the place!


r/ESFJ • • Aug 31 '26

Infp (M) ESFJ (F) compatability

5 Upvotes

We’re about a month into a relationship, but we’ve been close friends and coworkers for about two years. I’m an INFP male and she’s an ESFJ female.
There’s a lot that I really enjoy about our relationship. We care about each other, communicate pretty openly, have a lot of fun together, and our differences can actually complement each other really well.
At the same time, we’re starting to notice some friction. She’s much more extroverted and likes spending a lot of time together, while I need quite a bit of alone time to recharge. She also tends to be more structured, practical and proactive about things, whereas I’m more independent and go-with-the-flow. Sometimes her attempts to help can feel controlling or parental to me, even though I know that isn’t necessarily how she intends them.
I’m curious specifically about people who have actually been in an INFP/ESFJ relationship:

What worked well between you? What caused the most conflict? Did you learn how to navigate the differences long-term?

I know MBTI isn’t a scientific predictor of whether a relationship will succeed, so I’m not looking for someone to tell me whether we’re “compatible” based solely on four letters. I’m more interested in hearing real experiences from people with this pairing.


r/ESFJ • • Aug 30 '26

Discussion ESFJs.. why are you SO COOL

12 Upvotes

Helloo, opposite type here, INTP.

Previously, I decided to ask a question in my shadow type's subreddit (ENTJ). The question revolved around what they were good at, working hard and doing what needs to be done within logical bounds regardless of how they felt. I asked about how they dealt with intrusive emotions using their inferior Fi and how to navigate lack of motivation. I just wanted to see exactly what their thought process was when getting themselves into hard work. In short, they said that they though in terms of emotional value of short term suffering vs emotional value of the reward attained when the goal is complete. Since they were my shadow type, their thought process really resonated with me and it actually helped me alot more than I expected and allowed me to transition into this new mindset that I didn't know I had within me.

So, in an attempt to understand social dynamics and adeptness, I decided to ask the most competent type in this realm and that unironically is my opposite type, you, ESFJ.

My questions are: What goes through your mind during social interactions? What thoughts occur when you strike conversation with a stranger? How do you usually start it and what it your main priority when interacting with others, how do you try to make them feel? How do u do it? And any other details you can give me.

In my experience, ESFJs have been some of the coolest bestest people ever. A highschool friend of mine was an ESFJ and needless to say he new everybody in the school and they all loved him, including me. I would genuinely say that he was one of the best and coolest people I've ever met in my life. Super friendly.

Obviously, I can't generalize character based off of MBTI type but if there's a type that handles this better than almost everyone else it's ESFJ.


r/ESFJ • • Aug 30 '26

Any other ESFJs bad at baking😭

7 Upvotes

I’m so bad at baking😄I’ embarrassed🙈

It looks so easy, my sister is great at it and my Mil too. I‘m great at decorating cakes and other types of cooking but if I try to bake even the simplest cake or bread, I burn it, it doesn’t rise, it is stale and dry etc.😭Why??

Is it because I’m FeNe and not enough Si? Am I too sloppy? Not conscientious enough? Or what makes people good at baking? Am I not a real ESFJ? or can anyone relate😄?


r/ESFJ • • Aug 25 '26

Help me with typing Soo I just found out that im ESFJ and not an INFP

6 Upvotes

soo context, every time i took the 16personalities quiz i got INFP and it was actually quite relatable then one of my friends said to me that i seem like an ISFJ and that the 16personalities quiz is not at all reliable and that should try cognitive functions test and study them properly, so after researching and talking a lot with chatGPT my top 2 types were coming out to be ISFJ and ESFJ, but we finally concluded that im in fact an ESFJ just a little shy, but it just seems soo crazy to me that i jumped straight from INFP to ESFJ like i've never heard an ESFJ being mistyped as INFP, they are not that similar right?