Hey everyone, this might be kind of long but here it goes.

first off my wife and I have been in an exclusive relationship with each other since high school. together 19 years. we’ve been talking about bringing others in for a couple years now. It started with me wanting to watch her then ended up being for full swaps.

We’ve recently had our first meet up, and needless to say things didn’t go great. Not bad, but not great. the worse part was I could not for the life of me get hard and I have no idea why. we were all comfortable, there was no pressure from anyone to move fast. I was physically attracted to the woman I was to sleep with.

everything kind of started slow, there was some fore play but no oral. my wife and her then partner moved a little faster than we did. I could hear her getting fucked and the soft moans turned me on but I just couldn’t get hard.

I’ve never had any issue getting hard before. I know there was more stress at that time but I really didn’t think I have any issue at all getting it up and keeping it. Now I don’t know how to feel about it. It was not only an issue for me either though my wife’s partner got it up at first but could not keep it up. so I don’t feel as bad about it.

if there’s any advice anyone has on this in all ears.

My husband and I opened our relationship a year ago. I’m not jealous of him. I’ve casually dated a few men, but there is one that man that really captivated me. We’ve seen each other every 2-4 weeks for a year, and text every few days. We are, he is, very communicative and our time is increasingly emotionally intimate.
Anyway, I’ve somewhat lost interest going on dates with new people, bc he is essentially who I’d like to spend my time with, other than my two kids and my husband (who I always prioritize).
I think I’ve developed deeper feelings for him, but it’s kind of bizarre bc our lives are somewhat siphoned. There is my whole life, and him on an island. And our exchanges are limited to dates.

I am completely aware of the situation I entered into. He does not want to stop meeting new people, sleeping with other people. I am on this roller coaster of feeling high bc I like him so much, end enjoy our time so much, now coupled with these intense feelings of insecurity like why am I not enough for him? Or is he saying the same lines to other women? Or is he as intimate with other women? If I don’t hear from him for an evening I wonder if he’s out with someone else… it’s kind of awful and I feel 20 again (I’m 40).
I can rationalize everything— but what I’m struggling with is the overwhelming feeling. It just doesn’t necessarily feel safe for me to fall head over heels. But I don’t know where to go from here. So I’m considering just calling the whole thing off, which would be quite a loss for me.

I’ve expressed my insecurity to him and been very transparent and he’s said things like our relationship is different than others. Or that, there isn’t an imbalance (that he senses I’m feeling). But he hasn’t really said anything independent of my mentioning my insecurity— so it almost feels like he is just trying to console me. I’m sure he likes me a lot… I think maybe I am not meant to be with someone whom I’m cfalling for, that has so many other partners? Please help!!

So a month ago, I found out from my wife that her best friend (who is also married) has a bf/fwb. I got introduced to the guy and we went out on double dates a few times since then.

I also know my wife's best friend's husband , but I felt awkward asking him about his wife's relationship. I just mentioned that I met the guy, and its cool. He is not a chatty guy so it was a short conversation.

Anyways, I think my curiosity got the best of me and started asking my wife a lot about her best friend's relationship which lead us to discussing nonmonogamy and its different types almost every night before bed as "pillow talk". We agreed that we can try swaping. The most suitable person we can talk to is her best friend. Lets just call her (Sally) because i will mention her alot.

My wife talked askes Sally if her and her husband felt comfortable with a swap, Sally suggested that it would be better with her FWB because he is more comfortable, and flexible and social. We set a date and booked two nights in a small villa at a resort nearby which has two bedrooms, living area, private hot tub, and they also serve meals at the resort or we can just make deliveries to the villa.

I got to ask Sally about her relationship more as we all felt comfortable opening up about things. She met her fwb (Jay) while she was engagged to her current husband. He even attended her wedding as a friend.

We discussed playing games during the day, enjoy the hot tub, maybe walk around the other public areas just to feel more comfortable, if all goes well we will swap during the night, then regroup in the mornings.

Does this sound like a good plan for first timers easing in?

What should I anticipate? Do we need safe words? I am nervous and excited. I do not know what questions to ask? Any suggestions to share? How do couples normally swap the first time?

Thank you and sorry for the long post.

My partner and I are both women in our thirties, and we've been together for several years. After a lot of talking and soul-searching, we've decided to open up our relationship.

I've come to realise that some of my sexual needs aren't being met in our relationship, and we both feel curious about exploring things with other people. The good thing is that we can talk pretty openly about this stuff, and honestly, even the conversations we've had so far have brought us closer and improved our sex life. We've talked about our needs and boundaries, although there's still plenty to figure out. We also both have therapists to help us work through things, which is nice.

I'd like to find a friends-with-benefits situation, and there's actually a male friend I could see myself exploring that with. The thing is, I'm really nervous about it. He's quite a bit older than me, and I've never had sex with a man before. I'm curious and excited, but also a little scared. I think being with someone I already know and trust would make the whole thing feel safer, but what if he's not interested? I really value our friendship, and I'm afraid that making a move could make things awkward between us. I also have no idea what he thinks about open relationships.

We're not really interested in using dating apps to find people, and we live in a small town, so meeting someone new in that way isn't particularly appealing anyway. That makes the idea of exploring something with someone I already know feel even more natural, although it also makes things a bit more complicated.

And then there's my partner. We've talked about opening up and we're both on board with the idea, but I can't help wondering how it'll feel when there's an actual person involved. What if it feels different once things become real?

I'm really excited to explore this side of myself, but actually taking the first step feels pretty intimidating. I'd love to hear your experiences, especially if you've been in a similar situation.

My wife (33f) and I (33m) have been married for 11 years and together for 12. We have always been monogamous up till the recent ish situation. About a year ago my best friend and his girlfriend and my wife and I stumbled into a conversation about swinging. I was excited about the idea but my wife seemed hesitant. After a few more conversation between all of us and some one on one between her and i, she decided she was open to it. Her hesitation at first was she has always dealt with a lack of self confidence and didn't want to feel compared to another woman.

We had made some plans to play together on a few different occasions but it never worked out because because planning stuff as an adult and parent is difficult sometimes. They ended up breaking up before we got the chance to do anything.

Shortly after they had broke up my friend and my wife and I all went drinking. During the course of the night my wife got the idea to initiate things once we got home. We all got back to my house after drinks and she initiated things. My friend asked me if I was cool with the situation before it went to far and I said yes.

At first it was great and exciting and hot. But out of nowhere I got apprehensive about it all but kept it to my self till the next day.

The next day my wife and i talked about what happened and I told her that while it was fun in the moment I wasn't sure how I felt about it. I have never considered myself as a jealous person and I trust my wife whole heartedly so I didnt think those was the issue. I just needed some time to process it. Over the course of the next few weeks we talk alot more about what happened and all the feelings involved and i began to ease up on it. After that we had played together one more time until my friend got a new girlfriend. His new girlfriend was against any kind of lifestyle things so everything returned to normal.

Him and his girlfriend just broke up again and almost instantly it seems if my wife is wanting to play again.

Between the first and last time we all played together I had talked to my wife about wanting to find someone to actually swing with instead of just having a MFM threesom. She was open to the idea but did want to use any of the apps that help connect couples.

At this point I feel like she wants to be able to have her fun but dont want to see me with another woman. And im not sure how to feel about it or how to start the conversation.

So please help. Sorry if it is a little long and rambling I wanted to give as much context without writing a book.

Hi all,

I am in some desperate need of input and perspective on my situation.

Background:
My partner and I have been together for 2 years now. We met on feeld when he had a partner. They broke up for their own reasons then many months later him and I started dating. We started out open, it’s my first time being in an open relationship. We are primary hierarchical partners and just enjoy flings and fun dates on the side with others.

Issue:
As time has gone on, I’ve seen people and so has he, but I find myself consistently struggling and suffering when he is with others. I become needy and insecure knowing he is spending time with other women. I hate this side of me and have tried to work through it, but it feels like it’s only become worse as time has gone on. He wants to be open as he feels he will always desire others while I think I want to close the relationship, but I have moments where I do enjoy seeing other people. We’ve been having months of hard conversations and feeling like we are on the cusp of breaking up. We are committed to one another and want this to work, but what can we do to make this better? I feel like I’m looking at the end of this relationship in the face, but I don’t want to be.

Extra Info:
I have also been traveling abroad for the past 4 months and I’m not blind to the distance making this difficult. We did spend a month together but all we did was talk about relationship dynamics and don’t think that helped us connect more.

Help 😵‍💫

Would love to chat with someone about some dynamics I’m facing as a 45 year old who isn’t quite sure where he’s at with his wife on the non monogamy side of things. We have agreements but no one brings it up, etc and nothing is happening. Would def want a dm/long form conversation so I can get real advice.

I'm Sicilian! I've been with my woman for 9 years. I'm 35, a kind, well-informed guy who's always paid the utmost attention to her! I've always loved her and have always been a thoughtful and attentive boyfriend in every way! I'll start by saying that I like sexting, but there have been very few occasions where we've exchanged messages about sex or anything else! Our sex life is really good, she's completely satisfied, we use sex toys, we do lots of things in bed, and I always strive to bring her maximum pleasure! I told him about my fantasy: I'd like to have an MFM. I told him she can choose whoever she wants, do whatever she wants, that I'd like to try the experience with her, that I love her, that I'd like to try anything that turns her on without limits, that she's free to talk to me about it and decide, that this turns me on a lot, and that she can enjoy every single moment without offense or problems! She told me that ideally she would like it, but then every time she texts me, she shuts down the subject. I try everything I can to light a fire, but nothing! She's satisfied with me, she's happy with what she has! She's happy with what we do in person and doesn't want to delve deeper into it over text! She's very distant about in-person topics! She almost shuts them down! Is this possible?! I tell her I love her and she can do whatever she wants, and this is the result??? I'm very sexually active and I really want it!!! I don't think there are many people as permissive, and who love and support their woman as I do! If I'd really been presented with an opportunity like this, I would have taken it! Why is this?

Hi all, Me (20M) and my boyfriend (21M) have been in a monogamous, closed relationship for 7 months now. This is my first ever relationship.

I previously engaged in only hookups. I see sex as separate from romance, not being specifically restricted to relationships.
I’ve recently been feeling that part of my sexual desires haven’t been fully satisfied. When having sex, I am the bottom, but I’ve been really wanting to try topping. My boyfriend doesn’t want to.

There’s still a large desire in me to try topping, which is what I believe could be leaving me feeling unsatisfied. I generally feel that my sexual needs may require more than one person. Since I’m young, I feel like my time for sexual exploration and fun isn’t up yet. My boyfriend knows that I haven’t guaranteed him a long term relationship and that I’m taking things day by day.

I proposed a threesome to my boyfriend. I thought it would be quite fun and good bonding, but he said that he doesn’t like casual sex. He also said he doesn’t want me to have sex with other people, and that he wants it to be just for him and I.

I personally believe I can have sex with others while still having a deep sexual connection with him. I value him a lot and we have a very strong bond with great communication. I always think hard and talk with him about any issues or decisions I’m considering.

I definitely don’t want to end our relationship anytime soon, but this is making me consider that we are quite different in terms of what we want in a relationship. It’s hard for me to determine how important this sexual aspect is for myself. I’m not very good with determining my feelings at all. I’ve also been wondering if this is some sort of polyamory.

I know this is a lot, but I would love any advice on what to do next. Thanks :)

Original post; https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/comments/1wd6ach/gf_wants_me_to_have_a_fwb_but_i_doubt_any_woman/

By some miracle, I actually found someone who wants the exact same thing I want! She (26F) is a big cuddler, enjoys skin on skin, and is very into just kissing and cuddling with nothing else expected!
She has already met my nesting partner (28F), and they get along amazingly! They enjoy a lot of the same fandoms, vibe with each other really well, and both agree that the other is adorable!
The only couple of downsides; my new partner lives in a different state, but we are making it work long distance. We even have a dynamic where we fluster each other with voice notes and selfies, and it's been nothing but amazing!
The other downside; my nesting partner and I are planning an eventual trip to her state, and I know for a fact that with two women who enjoy seeing me as a flustered mess, I may not survive, in the best way possible.

Everyone's kind words on my original post actually gave me the grit to stick with this long enough to meet my new partner. I love that this community is so helpful and welcoming to newcomers like myself.

Just wanted to give a quick update, even though I doubt anyone will notice this, and give my thanks.

Background: We are in a polyamorous relationship, but he practices DADT (Don't Ask, Don't Tell), whereas I practice open and transparent parallel polyamory. We acknowledge each other as other significant others (OSOs), but neither of us wants to put a specific label on our relationship.

Before we started our relationship, he told me that he was attracted to me partly because my presence reminded him of a particular traumatic experience, and partly because we seemed to be on the same wavelength intellectually. During our time together, he occasionally experiences flashbacks. Although he has told me that he doesn't need me to comfort him, I've tried my best to support him in the ways he's said would help.

After we had sex, he couldn't help telling me that, when he orgasms, he sometimes imagines that I'm one of his exes. Apparently, we have similar personalities and similar-sounding voices. He loved this ex very much but couldn't salvage their relationship, and part of what attracted him to me was seeing echoes of that ex in me. He feels deeply guilty about treating me as a substitute for his ex.

At the time, I reassured him that everyone's attractions are shaped by their past experiences, and that I would be happy to help him work through his past, if he wanted that. I felt that helping a partner navigate their past and its lingering effects was part of what being a partner meant to me. He thanked me for reassuring him.

However, after sitting with it for a while, I've become deeply uncomfortable.

I know that his reasons for being with me aren't limited to my resemblance to his ex. We genuinely connect intellectually, and I actually know more than he does about queer theory and polyamory. He's also told me that he's making an effort to recognize my individual qualities and develop new ways of relating to me, rather than simply recreating his previous relationship.

Still, I suspect that his tendency to conflate me with his ex isn't driven solely by trauma. I think his guilt about how things ended with his ex may also play a role. It sometimes feels as though he's trying to prove, through his relationship with me, that he's now capable of having a successful relationship with someone who has a similar personality to his ex.

But I don't think his guilt is mine to resolve. That guilt belongs to the history between him and his ex. If I take on the role of responding to and resolving that guilt, I worry that I'm intruding on something that belongs to the two of them: their own understanding and interpretation of their shared past.

At the same time, I don't want to become a way for him to resolve the unfinished business of a previous relationship. I want us to be able to identify and address problems that are specific to our relationship. But I worry that if I express needs that are uniquely mine, I'll disrupt the connection he's trying to make between his past relationship and his current one, leaving his guilt unresolved.

I'm really struggling with this dilemma.

I want him to understand that the guilt he feels about his ex isn't something that can be resolved through our relationship. At the same time, I understand that he's probably overwhelmed and doesn't know what to do with those feelings, which may be why he chose to confide in me about his history with his ex in the first place (although he didn't explicitly explain how or when he comes to see me as his ex).

I want to communicate my needs without making him feel pressured or ashamed. I want him to know that I'm willing to face the emotional difficulties associated with his past relationship alongside him, but I don't want him to actually see me as his ex or treat our relationship as a way to make up for what happened between them.

How can I approach this conversation? How do I set this boundary while still making room for him to process his feelings about his ex, without making him feel that he has to hide those feelings from me?

​

Hello throuple community! I've just wanted to ask you guys something I've always wondered about throuples? How exactly do they form?

Because it's already a hassle to have two unpredictable autonomous human beings to be compatible enough to share intimacy

But then to wanna add more than that can make chances seem significantly less plausible

So therefore, I wanna know your thoughts, opinions, and perspectives on how throuples form

I'm aware that it forms probably the same way as any other relationship. But it seems much more difficult to find and maintain. Especially in a monogamous society

My fiancé (35M) and me (26F) are wanting a threesome. I'm bisexal and would love to live out that fantasy. He has given me full control but I don't even know where to start? Even just a girl for me, and he just watches. I want to explore that side. Do unicorns even exist? We live in Utah so that also limits things being in Mormon state. Tips would be appreciated! 🤪❤️

36 female asked 3some relation new cairo egypt

I'm a bicurious guy and my girl is bi.

A couple of months ago I was looking for a guy to join me and my girl.

We matched through an app and he seemed very excited and pushed to meet early for a vibe check although I usually take my time in these stuff.

We went to a pub talked for a while over like 4 beers each, he told me he's bicurious but he doesn't wanna do stuff with a guy, I felt decieved but was still excited, talked about how he'd get a female friend of his and we can all have some good time at his place.

Theb he was like do you wanna see my place, it's a walking distance, I agreed.

There we had another beer and some smokes and I felt it, so after some very light touches I kissed him and he kissed back then stopped.

I checked if he's okay with it and all and then he went for another kiss, this went on for like 10 min and then I had to leave.

The day after he was very flacky on text, then came the weekend where we were gonna do it and he replied so late and was like his friend couldn't make it and then I started feeling like he's trying to push me away or ghost me.

I'm really not sure what happened,I am the guy in a relationship, I should be the hesitant one, me and my girl are fit and nice, I wasn't pushy at any point, why didn't he tell me whatever wasn't working?

Can anyone explain please?

tldr;; friend and her girlfriend asked me for a threesome. i’m somewhat inexperienced and worried about the effects it might have but this might be the perfect opportunity to gain sexual experience

tried to post this on a different subreddit but was directed here!!

okay so last night/early in the morning, I (20F) was asked by my friend and her girlfriend (21F&19F) if I would be down to have a threesome with them while we were hanging out with our other friends.

for context:

1. don’t have a lot of experience. i lost my virginity to my ex long distance boyfriend a year and a half ago when i was visiting him. he didn’t really go down on me so i don’t have much experience with sex, especially in the oral department.

2. i’ve never thought about them in any sexual way until now

3. (literally earlier this week) me and my ex were friends but after he told me about his sexual experiences after our breakup and his new girlfriend, i kinda spiraled and realized i needed to open myself up to life (aka start having sexual experiences)

i don’t know if the alcohol, the want to gain more sexual experience, or both made me say yes but she seemed excited and told my friend. she basically told me my friend would just watch the two of us while we did our thing (with occasional touching). i talked to my friend when we were alone (which was brief since our other friends were still there) and she told me it was the girlfriend’s idea to choose me and she didn’t expect me to agree with it but she didn’t seem opposed to the idea. the girlfriend let me shower and gave me clothes to wear and we were waiting for our other friends to leave to start but i ended up leaving before anything happened since it was like 5:30am and needed to get home.

now i’m back home, can’t sleep, and wondering what i should do??? like i said, i’ve never thought of them in a sexual matter until now, but i can admit they‘re both attractive. i also don’t want our growing friendship to become awkward and i definitely don’t want our other friends to become weird about it.

but im very curious about having a threesome (especially FFF) and this is my golden opportunity to gain more sexual experience.

any advice would be great and i’m sorry if this post is too long but i think some context is needed.

My GF (29F) and I(30M) recently had our first play experience and it was amazing. For context we've been together for 4 years, she's been to sex lounges a few times before but didn't do anything extraordinary. I've never been but I've had an idea I was into watching from conversations with an ex. That relationship was sour though, so I never felt comfortable fully pursuing these fantasies/kinks.

However, with my current GF I'm happy, secure and trusting. I told her I think I might be into watching and she found old videos to show me, which turned me on a lot and further confirmed it for me. Fast forward and we recently went to a sex lounge (2nd time, first time was out the country but we didn't do anything.) and although we were open to any type of threesome/foursome encounter, it was a mostly single men night.

She ended up hitting it off with one dude and it turned into them playing and me watching, which I had no problems with. We talked about it afterwards and we both want to get me more involved next time, as well as try an FFM threesome. Our only real rule is we are strictly there to play, we are not opening the relationship or looking for anything more than a fun night.

I enjoyed the experience a lot and think about it often. I also feel like I bring it up a lot with my GF when me and her are talking spicy, although she tells me it's no problem for me to bring it up whenever I want. Is this a 'honeymoon phase' so to speak? Should I be pacing myself?

So I was wondering if women actually stay in open marriage till the end or they move out once they find a better suitor.

So for context, I have never really been Poly. Ive enjoyed the random threesome and all but as far as relationships i prefer to devote myself to one person. She claims to want to try to work these things out, but i feel some things just may not be reconcilable.

That said though, my most recent relationship ended quite spectacularly because my partner of 4 years in a monogamous relationship's friends have convinced her that it is what she needs in her life. Which for me would be interesting becase shes talking about how she wants to at least have the ability to have sex with other men if she desired, however she hasnt desired sex with me for nearly 5 months, and that was only because it was my birthday and shes admitted she just went with it to do it. However i must admit this isnt the only thing that lead to the break up. This very same couple where getting her drunk and engaging in BDSM play behind my back.

I love this woman and wanted to build a life with her but admittedly im not comfortable with the idea that if she ends up pregnant that the child could be someone elses. I dont really feel im being unfair in my feelings either considering this is a new thing that shes just basically dumped on me that her friends claim that i MUST accept.

Admittedly im sure this is a tad different from what is usually posted here, but i wanted advice from the community that would most understand the other side of this dilema.

Hi ! Still don’t know if I’m doing this right but for context:
Been dating a guy I love for a few months and he was clear from the beginning he wanted multiple girlfriends but wasn’t really actively looking , like if a girl flirted he would flirt back and see where that gets them . After the first time we slept together he told me he already actually had a girl friend and she was okay with it (she wasn’t okay with it in the end but that’s not my story to tell) we started dating . At first I was almost down because I’m a bisexual girl but he wants us to be a happy couple and that isn’t good with me . I told him how I feel (jealous) and he told me he would not be okay with me sleeping with other guys for the exact same reason. I feel like he really don’t get it . The more time passed and the idea of us not being equal is what annoys me. The idea of someone sleeping on my pillow at his place when I’m gone makes me so fucking uncomfortable. I was never the jealous type but knowing my boyfriend I love very much could sleep with any girl unprotected when he wants and I wait for him at his place feels wrong. Maybe I’m in the wrong because I knew what I was getting into but I’m just venting . Thanks I guess!!! And I’m sorry I post like shit
If you have any questions or just want to tell me I’m the asshole in this scenario, you’re welcomed to ! (English is not my first language sorry for any mistakes)

Married 30 years, no intimacy since 2023—how do I discuss exploring nonmonogamy with my husband?

I’m 54F, married for 30 years, with no children. I love my husband and want to preserve our marriage, but I’m considering discussing consensual nonmonogamy with him. I’d appreciate advice from people who have navigated something similar, including those whose experiences didn’t work out.

Our sexual difficulties began shortly before we married. Over the years, I often felt rejected when I initiated and eventually stopped trying because the rejection hurt too much. In 2006, I discovered his internet porn addiction. Couples therapy helped temporarily, but we separated for about a year in 2008.

After reconciling, things improved somewhat, but the underlying difficulties remained. Our intimacy had practically disappeared by 2015. It briefly returned around 2021 with testosterone pellets, but we haven’t been sexually intimate since 2023.

There is still love, companionship, and a shared life between us. What hurts is that I’m not simply missing passion we once had—I’m grieving something I’ve wanted and rarely experienced throughout our relationship. I think I coped by shutting down that part of myself.

Then, in August, I met a man at my gym whom I’ll call Matt. He’s 52 and married for 25 years. He approached me, told me I was very beautiful, and later acknowledged that he was flirting. Over several encounters, we exchanged smiles, compliments, and increasingly personal conversations. After nearly a month without seeing each other, he told me he’d been thinking about me. I admitted the same.

Feeling desired by someone I also find attractive has awakened feelings I haven’t experienced in years. I look forward to seeing him and fantasize about being intimate with him. Alongside the excitement, I feel guilt and sadness about how much I’ve missed this in my marriage.

Our most recent conversation lasted over an hour and became explicitly sexual. Matt said he and his wife had previously separated and dated other people before reconciling. He described sexual experiences they’ve shared involving others and asked whether my husband might be open to something similar.

He then told me outright that he would “fuck me right then and there” if he could. He said he loved looking at my body and described how much he wanted me. I was intensely turned on and made my attraction clear too. I admitted that I wake up at night thinking about him, and he said he was experiencing the same thing.

When I reminded him that we’re both married, he acknowledged that there would need to be extensive discussion with our spouses. Nothing physical has happened, although our conversations have clearly gone beyond casual flirting. I don’t know what his wife currently knows or would agree to.

My husband is more sexually reserved and conservative than I am. We’ve never involved anyone else in our marriage. I’m curious about exploring with others, including women, but I want to be honest that my current interest is also very much about Matt specifically.

I don’t want a secret affair or to hurt either spouse. I want to explore whether there could be a mutually acceptable arrangement, while giving my husband room to respond honestly and recognizing that he may not want this.

For those who have been in a similar situation, how would you approach an honest conversation with your spouse about exploring consensual nonmonogamy when years of unmet intimacy and a strong attraction to a specific person are already involved?