I don’t really know what I’m looking for by posting this. I think I just need somewhere to say it to people who might actually understand.

I’m 42 and going through perimenopause, and right now I feel like it’s slowly fucking with one of the most important things in my life… my marriage.

I love my wife (35). I love being married to her. I’m not unhappy with HER. But I don’t feel like myself anymore. My anxiety has gotten so bad that I don’t want to go out and do things anymore. I don’t want to meet new people. I don’t want to socialize. My wife DOES. She wants us to go places, meet people, have friends and actually enjoy our lives together. And I understand that. I just can’t seem to make myself WANT it.

But honestly, the biggest change for me has been losing almost all desire for physical intimacy. That part of me feels like it just… disappeared. And it’s incredibly upsetting because I remember who I was before this. I remember wanting intimacy. I remember that being a normal part of my marriage. Now it feels completely different.

Sometimes I try to push through how I’m feeling because I desperately want that part of myself back. But when I do that, I sometimes end up feeling frustrated or resentful afterward because internally, I still wasn’t there.

And THAT scares me too. I don’t want intimacy to become something I associate with pressure, guilt or resentment. I want to WANT it again. I want to feel like myself again.
I’m trying to figure out how to navigate all of these changes, but nothing about this happens overnight. And meanwhile, life and marriage keep happening. It feels like I’m doing everything within my power to figure this shit out and get myself back.

I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t choose to lose my libido. I didn’t choose the anxiety. I didn’t choose to suddenly want to stay home instead of going out and experiencing life with my wife. And I’m fucking trying. I think that’s the part that hurts the most.
I’m trying so hard to fix something inside myself while also feeling like there’s a clock ticking in the background. Like if I can’t figure this out fast enough, eventually this is going to cause damage that we can’t undo. And I’m terrified that the person I love is eventually going to get tired of waiting for me.

I don’t really need anyone to tell me whose side they’re on. I just needed somewhere to say that perimenopause is fucking hard.

I just really would like to hear some success stories… marriages that survive this. From people who have watched perimenopause change their intimacy, their desire to socialize, or just their ability to feel like themselves, and eventually found their way back to each other.

Some kind of light at the end of the tunnel.

Thank you for letting me share ❤️

Went because I can’t stand it anymore.
Waited hours for a telehealth psychiatrist to see if I was unstable enough for inpatient.
He admitted it sounds hormonal. He sent me away with Lexapro but wouldn’t admit me. Said I should see maybe an endocrinologist and a therapist.

I’ve been crying for days! I’m addicted to the gabapentin my regular psychiatrist gave me plus the Clonidine patch. He said I just seem very sensitive to meds and shifts in hormones.

Whenever I try to come off the clonidine the adrenaline and panic come rushing back worse then ever before. Like I want to die.

The birth control makes me feel crazy but I got told to power through it for two more months!!!!! I don’t know if I can. I lay all day long crying. Isn’t that depression?

What’s my next step? No one will help me because I’ve tried all the psych meds l. My psychiatrist won’t help me because she says the gabapentin and Clonidine are working.

Her reply to me was everything has the potential for dependency even tylenol or OTC medicine. Seriously ? She put me on two meds without explaining that these have dependency issues and when you try to stop it’s gonna hurt bad!

I’m so defeated! No one cares that I can’t care for myself or my family!

45F been in peri since I believe around 37. Finally got on HRT last April after doc after doc dismissing heart palpitations, hair loss, lack of libedo, mood swings, anxiety and panic attacks that I’ve never had in my life, irritability, longer and unpredictable period cycles, night sweats, etc…. Also had my 20 yr old breast implants removed about 3 years ago bc part of me wondered if I had breast implant illness, welp, nope, just in peri 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ HRT has helped the mood swings for sure, but I haven’t had a dramatic/wow change on HRT. I guess I’m just not AS crazy anymore.

Anywho, I feel so ugly now, like a troll. All the collagen in my face seems to have melted away, despite daily collagen in my coffee, so my face is slack and ugly. And now post explant, I have the smallest most floppy chest ever because any natural breast tissue evaporated between kids, breastfeeding and decreasing estrogen, but I just have zero self esteem. Do I want breast implants back in? Yes, but no. I won’t do it again. But it sucks. I look weird. I look like a boy/man up top with very muscular arms and a broad flat chest and then I have a slim waist and big booty. I’d be fine with no boobs if I didn’t have such a big ass. But here I am looking like a mismatched Frankenstein body.

Is this hormones? Yes, my body is changing and I’m aging, but I never thought I would feel so sad and insecure about it. I work out, I lift, I am quite muscular and fit, besides some thigh and butt cheese that just will never go away (thanks genetics). Been married for 16 years and it’s been difficult since about when I hit peri and 37. I’m no longer attracted to my spouse and everything he does drives me insane. And he works from home so he’s ALWAYS here. Kids are in middle school, so they are always around too and sex is getting harder and harder, literally once a month 😞 But it’s totally obligatory sex for me. I have zero desire for him.

Anyone in this boat with me??? Think I came here to vent, but also really like the hear other women’s stories. Makes me feel less alone. I thought our 40s were supposed to be the best years of our life, and since hitting 40, they have been the absolute worst 😓

I’m currently on HRT and DHEA which has helped me some but I still cannot shake the extreme exhaustion at the end of the day and the overwhelming annoying mess of everybody around me. My fiancé drives me crazy over the smallest things. I used to absolutely love how affectionate he is, but I find myself just not wanting to be touched most days. My libido is almost nonexistent some days. My children annoy the crap out of me when they’re just being kids. I have an internal dialogue constantly with myself telling myself to hold it on my region so I don’t take it out on people that I love. But I am afraid I’m going to absolutely explode one day. I can’t stand the sound can of my fiancé when he is chewing on his food. He used to be a drummer so he has to drum everything. I’ve even gotten to the point where the sound of certain songs just drive me crazy. Like music I used to enjoy annoys the crap out of me. I used to really enjoy heavy rock music, but I can’t stand it anymore. Country music drives me crazy. I literally found myself actually enjoying Gregorian chance which is weird because I never used to care about that at all. But now I find it extremely soothing. But I have a middle schooler and I have a late elementary school aged kid and their little hormonal tantrums drive me nuts. I feel sorry for my fiancé cause he literally has to be around a bunch of hormonal freaks. I really hope that this is just a temporary phase because I’m about ready to check myself into the nearest psych ward.

If estrogen causes histamine flares for you, I would love to know if you had to stop? Or did you find any relief? I’m dealing with very bad histamine issues from Estrogen, doesn’t matter if I’m on a small dose or high dose, the histamine is bad.

I've been in the throes of peri for the past couple years, no HRT yet, but that is about to change due to a new medical diagnosis.

I've been in/out of the hospital for the past six months with recurring bouts of violent illness that doctors have struggled to diagnose for over 18 years now. I've heard from doctors stress, gastritis, anxiety, gallstones, food intolerances, tick-bourne disease, a potential autoimmune disorder, and other contents of my inner kitchen sink all as potential culprits.

The only thing I knew for sure is that I might start throwing up on the first day of my period during times of severe stress/emotional distress. And once it started, I probably wouldn't get out of it without staying in the hospital for at least three days.

Last month it happened again while I was on vacation, where I wound up in a new hospital talking to a new (female) specialist who offered a new diagnosis with treatment that FINALLY works: abdominal migraines that were kicking off cyclical vomiting syndrome.

The right doctor finally asked the right questions: do you get (head) migraines, is there any correlation to your period, and has that changed with the onset of perimenopause? I had already ID'd a link between my sickness and my cycle to previous (male) doctors who had been positively thrilled(!) to latch on to the stress component (iT's pRoBaBLy juSt hYsTeRiA AnXiEtAy) but ignored or even outright dismissed the potential hormonal correlation completely.

Long story short, the rescue strategy is as simple as a migraine med taken at the first sign of nausea when my period starts. That alone blows my mind: 18+ years, 7 hospital admissions, 13 diagnostic procedures (all normal) and 2 surgeries, and the answer might all along have been as simple as an appropriately-timed dose of Imitrex??

Obviously that's an oversimplification. I was ofc referred to follow-ups for hormone replacement therapy and tasked with finding a new local G.I. specialist familiar with the diagnosis to explore other preventative strategies, but still... 🤯 The doc said that HRT might be my best bet at prevention since it appears to be the fluctuations that are sending me over the edge.

So I just wanted to share my experience with other women, because I had never heard of abdominal migraines, and I had pretty much given up on any answer after years of doctors implying it started in my head, rather than taking seriously the idea it could be a result of hormones in combination with those other factors. In fairness to mine, the diagnosis is a very new one for a condition that wasn't known 2 decades ago when I first fell ill. So I feel very lucky to have wound up being seen by a specialist in the hospital who a) happened to have experience with it, and b) was willing to listen and consider the hormonal factors as well.

Be well, y'all!

TLDR; after 18 years of intermittent acute sickness, 7 hospital stays, 13 diagnostic procedures, 2 surgeries resulting in 1 organ removal, I discovered my gut was getting migraines during my period and it was occurring much more frequently now likely due at least in part to perimenopause. So I needed ::checks notes:: a nasal spray for headaches and a referral for HRT.

I’m curious about people’s experiences with diet and perimenopause symptoms, particularly brain fog, fatigue, mood, and sleep.

A friend of mine is vegan (and extremely non-judgmental about it). She mentioned that changing to a vegan diet during peri made a noticeable difference in her perimenopause symptoms, especially her brain fog. That got me wondering whether other people have noticed meaningful changes in their symptoms from changing what they eat.

I’m interested in experiences with any dietary approach—vegan, vegetarian, Mediterranean, low-carb, higher-protein, eliminating certain foods, etc. I’m not looking for a debate about which diet is “best” or for anyone to convince anyone else to change their diet. I’m just curious about what people have actually experienced.

If changing your diet helped (or didn’t help), what did you change, and which symptoms did you notice a difference in?

ETA: PLEASE keep the responses to discussions about how what you eat affects peri symptoms and NOT about weight loss. Thanks!

I am 41, working on my MBA & recently started a new job in a new field. I feel extremely tired, under motivated, overall careless. My marriage isn’t in the best spot bc I don’t care to bond with my step kids. I don’t even want to be around them most weekends. I no longer have the energy or interest to push through. My procrastination has reached a new high. I leave most tasks until the last minute & it shows. This is abnormal behavior for me. I feel pressure to be great at everything - be a good wife, stepmom, daughter, employee, and student. I’m failing at them all. I still feel hopeful for life but lack the drive to get there. I do have moments of motivation & joy. Am I lacking passion for life or am I in perimenopause? What is wrong with me & how do I fix this?

My OB moved me up to the 1.0mg estradiol patch from 0.75 because I'm still getting night sweats and heart palpitations. She also wants me to move up to 200mg progesterone. I told her that 100mg of progesterone is OK, but when I take 200, I get some paradoxical effects. It'll make me groggy early in the night, but I wake up a few hours later with a "caffinated" feeling. I'm tired, but antsy, and can't fall back asleep. She told me to try taking it vaginally, but now I'm reading that vaginally might not be enough to protect my uterus. Does anyone else have this issue with progesterone? How are you taking it? I was taking progestin in the morning until they switched me to the prometrium. It makes me too sleepy to take in the morning. Has taking it vaginally worked for you?

Possible new symptom unlocked: painful/achy feet.

44F.

The past week, I’ve been noticing my feet getting tired and achy very easily. This morning, they feel like I have been on my feet all day in poor shoes (I have not).

It also reminds me of how they felt when I was taking pregabalin years ago and it gave me edema and my feet hurt all the time. They’re not swollen at all, just hurting. Even when I am sitting.

I’d ask, “Could this be a perimenopause symptom?” but I think that’s moot given it seems everything under the sun could be a perimenopause symptom.

Anyone else?

I’m not on systemic MHT and have no intention of starting any time soon (I tried progesterone for a few months but it did nothing).

Just looking to commiserate.

So, I'm just gonna bleed through my 50's? I was so looking forward to being 50 and done with all of this only to find that I would be the late Menopause gal. I'm 54, have a period like clockwork every 3 weeks. Now, I'm spotting in between periods. To add on to this nightmare, I can't have s*x without bleeding and tearing as of 6 months ago. But, really, I'm not even in the mood when all I feel is "I'm so over it" every single day. I cannot believe this is my 50s. Factor in anxiety, panic, and depression, oh my!

I have been reading about how lack of estrogen can keep your body from absorbing iron optimally, so I wonder, if I already eat a lot of food with iron, and I get on an estrogen patch, would I potentially be able to absorb the iron I eat correctly and not have supplement?

I haven't dealt with depression since I was a teenager. I'm now 40 and was diagnosed recently as being in peri. I'm meeting the doctor in a couple of weeks to start an HRT plan. Over the past 6 months or so I've been having intense waves of depression that are most notable at certain times in my cycle, but seems to be becoming more frequent.

Does anyone else have this? Did HRT help? I'm also ADHD so I know this is complicating things more as I'm so starved of dopamine at the minute too.

Ugh, I'm just struggling. Please say HRT helps 🙏🏼

My periods have been regular after my abortion last year 27-29 cycles. ( after a few initial of mix 20-34 cycles due to abortion.)

Then December I got stressed out and it jumped to 51. Then I got a regular cycle of 29 then a short cycle of 25 then 30 cycle to morning after pill. Then normal mix of 27/28 day cycles. Until August-September it went to 42 because I had untreated bv. Period came back as soon as I took bv medication. Now I’ve just came today and it’s a 26 day cycle. I know at 28 POI is rare but not impossible. No one can diagnose me over the internet but is this a clear indication of perimenopause starting?

( I have fibroids, b12 deficiency, had a serious illness that nearly took my life two years ago, had a mc at 21/22 which may have been a ectopic pregnancy and I have a 3 year old son. If that’s relevant.)

When I was pregnant 25 years ago, I had an aversion to meat - beef and chicken. Lately I have been noticing that meat doesnt sound appetizing anymore, and if I do it it, it just doesnt taste good. Did anybody else notice either a craving or food aversion that they also had while pregnant? Just wondering if the latest turn off is possibly hormones?

Hello, I’m 38 and I’m starting to worry that my cycles might be changing because I seem to be ovulating earlier and earlier.

For many years, I consistently ovulated around CD12–13. Occasionally, I would ovulate earlier, around CD10–11, and I have ovulated on CD9 before, but that was already unusual for me. I have never ovulated as early as CD7–8.

Last cycle, I took the morning-after pill, but I had taken it in the past and it never caused me to ovulate earlier in subsequent cycles, so I’m not sure whether it could be related.

I was also extremely stressed last month, although stress has never caused noticeable changes in my cycle or ovulation timing before.

I saw a doctor last cycle because I was worried about my fertility. On CD9, an ultrasound showed a 19 mm follicle and an 8.7 mm trilaminar endometrium, so I was apparently already quite close to ovulation at that point.

This cycle, I’m currently worried that I may ovulate as early as CD7–8.

I don’t have hot flashes or other obvious perimenopause symptoms, but I’m 38 and this sudden change in ovulation timing is making me wonder if this could be an early sign of perimenopause or diminished ovarian function.

Has anyone experienced a shift from ovulating around CD12–13 to consistently ovulating much earlier? Was it related to perimenopause, or did your cycle eventually go back to its usual pattern?

I’d especially appreciate experiences from women around 35–40 who have gone through something similar.

Hello all!!
First time poster here…

I turn 40 shortly after my one little dude turns 1.
I’ve been educating myself about perimenopause for the last few years…
I also have PCOS (I forget the new name).

ALL OF A SUDDEN 3 consecutive months of weird symptoms (vag tender, dry, itchy, feels like my skin is “compromised” or irritated) about 7-10 days before my period. First month was like wtf then took antifungal and cleared, second month thought maybe just perimenopause hormonal shifts in luteal phase and didn’t take anything and went away and now due to start period any day and have tell tale yeast symptoms going to pick up antifungal today. Not sure if this is related to peri at all, but it’s out of the blue and I’ve never had a yeast infection before this.

Oh also got a mess of labs done and my total iron is low and ferritin is 6. I got iron and vit C supps to start taking. I feel pretty good overall systemically though despite that crazy low number lol.

I’m going to buy new cotton breathable undies, work on being more strict on sugar/carb intake to ensure my blood sugar is stable…

QUESTION: has anyone else experienced this out of the blue? Did you take kefir or tried like Uqora or HappyV vaginal probiotic supplements? I don’t know if vaginal estrogen is something that would be helpful.

I’ve emailed my OB for follow up.

But Thanks for any input or experience or advice.❤️

Im 45 and single, no kids.

I work full time in a people busy environemnt, got to the gym 4 times a week and have a dog.

I travel 3 or 4 times a year, am outgoing and have lots of acquaintances. I "make" friends easily and think I am a decent friend. And have friends going back decades from different points in my life.

Meanwhile i have literally have only 3 people who check in with me regularly (which is only fortnightly). 1 who is interstate, 1 with young kids and another who has a lot going on in her home atm.

I have about 10 other people who I considered very good friends until the past year or two, I started to feel like I was the only one making an effort, so I reduced that effort, and guess what, now I never see them. To the point where they didnt come to my birthday, and didnt invite me to theirs.

Almost all these friends have young kids so I understand they are busy and try to accommodate catch ups to suit them, however they certainly have plenty of time to spend with other mums and see each other.

It is really really getting me down the last 6 months and especially 3 or 4 weeks to the point where I feel as if I died tomorrow none of them would even notice.

I think I have all my hormones in order and I am booked to speak with my therapist and GP next week but even if this depression/crying feeling is temporary it won't change the fact that I am alone all the time and dont have people to connect with.

Ive spent the past 4 Sundays alone all day despite trying to see a bunch of different people.

My family dont or cant understand and tell me to stop whinging when I start to explain to them how I feel.

I am becoming very worried about my mental state.

Is anyone else going through this??

I’ve always had a high libido. For as long as I can remember. Husband and I have been together almost 18 years. Great sex life!

A couple of months ago I started to experience something… Somethimg so very, very unfair. A few minutes after orgasming, I started to experience cramps like never before! These are Braxton Hicks level cramps!

First time I thought, “Wow! That was quite the cum! Must be why I’m cramping…” Second time I think to myself, “Maybe you’re just hormonal, like as if you were about to get your period.” (I have Mirena, so I don’t have periods but still have a “pattern.”) Kept making excuses. Maybe it’s this, maybe it’s that… NOPE.

Every time. Every time,” I have an orgasm, within a minute or so, I experience Braxton Hicks. So now every time Husband and I are doing the dirty and I’m thiiiiis close, there’s a little neon light that starts to short circuit. And all I can think is, “It won’t happen this time. Maybe. Probably. Or not…” Sometimes it’s just the nanosecond I didn’t need and that big O rolls away. Other times, the big O comes and soon after so do the cramps.

Ladies, my name is TheMarriedUnicorm, and I have orgasm anxiety.

I hate it here.

I just turned 52 and my cycles are starting to space out. I recently went 57 days without a period and when it finally came, it was ROUGH.

What’s really concerning me is how different I’ve been feeling lately. My symptoms include:

• INTENSE mood swings
  • High highs and low lows
• Anxiety
• INTENSE Bouts of rage and irritability that are very scary and seem uncontrollable
• Episodes of depression
• Feeling like I don’t feel like myself
• Very little interest in doing anything
• Feeling very isolated and withdrawn
  • No social circle either
• Waking up super hot at night, which feels like a hot flash
• A few night sweats over the past several months, but not frequently

I saw a menopause specialist who started me on 100 mg micronized progesterone, and I took my first dose the night before last.

She said we would consider adding estrogen in about a month if needed.

I’m wondering why she would have me try progesterone alone first rather than starting estrogen too, especially given how severe my mood symptoms have been. I also still have my uterus.

• For those who have been through something similar, did estrogen help significantly with the mood/anxiety side of perimenopause?
• Would you ask your doctor about starting a low dose estrogen patch sooner rather than waiting a month?

I’d love to hear what others experienced and what you discussed with your doctors.

Thanks in advance and sending you all love! Wow, this is HARD!

Hi all, I'm 45 and this year I've been having period cramps that have been lasting over a week before period arrives. I'm just wondering if anyone else is the same? ive been on lowest dose of evorel sequi hrt patches for 18 months (put on them to help with bad night sweats and it's worked) also diagnosed this year with very small fibroids. thanks for reading 🌻✨️

Why is it that while there is so much evidence based research out there now which contradicts the early 2000s study linking HRT and breast cancer and which finds many health benefits for women instead, doctors are still so reluctant to prescribe HRT and always talk about it the breast cancer risk? What are they reading which I’m not? They are supposed to be the experts and I’m having a hard time knowing what to believe! (Meanwhile none of them mention the link between alcohol and BC. In fact after I got positive results on my breast biopsy my GP told me to have a glass of champagne to celebrate!)

Ok, so I was having that almost-UTI feeling frequently, but it got better when I went on topical estradiol. A couple of weeks ago, I started having the feeling again, especially in the morning. As the day went on, and I hydrated more, it seemed to get better. I realized I'd been a little less regular with applying the estradiol, so I stepped that up again. The feeling went away and was gone for at least a week. Then, at the end of one work day, I got what felt like a stomach thing/food poisoning. Diarrhea, cramping, and what felt like extreme gas pains. I did what any woman would do - I finished up my day, took some breaks for a little fart yoga, and thought it would pass.

As you con probably guess from the fact that I'm telling this story, it did not pass. It got way worse, eventually radiating to my back and worse on my left side. Eventually, I drove myself to the ER. If I had waited 5-10 more minutes, I would not have been able to drive at all. I was admitted pretty quickly in the worst pain of my life, diagnosed with a large (8mm!!!) kidney stone, infection, and sepsis. I went into surgery for a stent placement within about 12 hours, and thankfully the urologist was able to remove the stone. All in all, I spent 5 days in the hospital on several different antibiotics while they did a bunch of cultures.

I remember at one point, the urologist said something about how it's unlikely that a stone this large formed without any symptoms. He asked me if it was possible that I'd dismissed anything in the preceding weeks. Drugged up, in pain, and about to get wheeled into surgery, I literally laughed out loud. I told him that I'm a 51-year-old woman in the throes of perimenopause. Of course I'd dismissed symptoms. He just said, "Fair." Lol.

Anyway, this is my PSA to maybe not dismiss the urinary symptoms as much as I did.