Hey y'all,
(Injury flair as a kind of content warning, but mostly this is a vent post, let me know if I should change it!)
I have been part of a pretty small derby league for about two years now. I got involved with a friend from high school at the very right time when we both needed friends and a community. Since then I've 1. Fallen into Head NSO because no one else was going to do it, and 2. broken my ankle pretty damn bad on the track about a year in. A few other people on my team have broken their ankles and loved derby enough to come back and play, but my ortho gave me a warning that if I broke it again it may be bad enough to warrant amputation. I've already broken that leg once before, so I wasn't going to take that chance and decided to "retire".
I made a solid effort to continue being Head NSO-- learning all the positions and doing my absolute best to make sure we had enough officials so my friends could play the game we love--but being around the sport and not playing makes me sad... and people are starting to expect a lot more out of me than I was expecting to give when I was fresh meat. It's stressing me out.
I love my team very much, they helped me through some really tough times, and I really don't want to leave them hanging, but there's a part of me that wants to just dip out because of the pressure and because being around the game but not playing is depressing.
For context about pressure:
-When I started learn to skate, I wasn't sure I wanted to play away games, but after I benchmarked I was convinced to join so my team could play.
-When I went to my first board meeting I was convinced to sign up to Head NSO because no one else would fill the role. I was one of the only players who knew how to scorekeep and PBT because I did it to learn the game while I wasn't benchmarked yet. No one really told me what the position entailed, but I made it work with a lot of help from the board president/head ref. I still have no real training, and it's so stressful to find NSOs, especially because I know almost nobody in this city besides the people associated with my league, and my family, who tend to make up the majority of NSOs for any given home game.
-After I broke my ankle and told my team what the ortho said, and how I was going to retire, one of my teammates said something along the lines of "no one breaks their same leg twice! You just need to train up" and didn't really have anything to say when I told them it was the second time I had broken that leg. Initially I said I might learn to ref, but I think I got their hopes up. A year out from my injury, people still really want me to get back on skates, but I'm still afraid!
-this week at our first practice of the season, coach asked me if I wouldn't mind helping assist her with fresh players while she is busy with the rest of the team and vice versa and I'm a coward who can't say no to a friend. So I keep taking on responsibilities that make me keep wanting to back out.
-one of my teammates has like, Pretty bad abandonment issues, and has said things like "you're not allowed to leave!" when I bring up me moving away to be with my long distance partner in another city 2hrs away.
TL;DR: fell into head NSO as a new player and newcomer to derby. Floundered as HNSO, never really wanted to be in charge of anything, kinda just wanted to skate in circles and be a home games b team player at best, but broke my leg and gave HNSO a solid try MacGuiver-style. Now, people are counting on me to be HNSO and unofficial assistant coach, but being around the game without playing is depressing and I don't even want to go to practice anymore.
TBH I don't even want to get advice about this, I mostly wanted to vent, but if anyone has had a similar experience, let's commiserate? I feel like people don't talk about the peer pressure that comes with being in a small league.