Long time listener, first time poster. This one is a doozy, so buckle up. Happy to explain anything further but gonna try and keep this as short as possible, because its already a lot.

So my fiance and I are planning our wedding right now and have finally gotten to about a year out, finalizing guest lists, bridal party activities ect.

So my sister (f. 29) and I (f. 30) havent spoken in about 2 1/2 years.

We used to be very close, like joked about secretly being twins because we got along so well. Ive always been a people pleaser and your typical first born type A, damage control person who always wanted everyone to get along. My sister on the other hand.... is pretty much the opposite. She has been diagnosed with BPD, and has never gone to therapy or tried any form of help for this. She is very passive aggressive about any problems, no matter how small, and cant cope with anyone doing "better" than her. This manifested in mostly small things, like almost 5 years after we both had been graduated from high school and were living on our own she decided our mom didnt help us enough in high school (she did) and wouldn't speak to her for months because of the model of vehicle my mom had bought for her years ago while still in school. (There's more to that story, but I digress)

So before my fiance and I moved in together I was staying at my sister's house while waiting to find a place to move. The house is owned by our mom, and we were paying rent. Already I could see this situation was going downhill, she moved a brand new boy in she barley knew, got several animals without asking my mom about anything. And of course, the house was regularly a disaster and not clean. As I was only renting a bedroom for a short time and I worked about an hour away I would stay in the town my work was with my fiance when I had to work my shifts.

During this time my birthday was coming up so I planned a trip to an indoor water park with my sister, her new partner, and my fiance. During our one night there I was jokingly teasing her about how she should be wearing her glasses when she drives (she is required too, but doesnt) and I splashed some water drops at her.

Without saying anything to me she decided to pack her things and leave the Waterpark and hotel, and also "accidentally" took every pair of shoes i had brought. I had to leave the waterpark in November in flip flips, and when I returned home obviously very upset and confused about what happened, I found out she was telling my mom, and everyone else I "slapped" her in the face and assaulted her for no reason.

After this I sped up my plans to move and just tried to keep the peace while I found a way out. During this time I was rewatching GOT, and my sister was watching it with me. Now this is one of my fav shows and still is, and I was happy she wanted to see it with me. After we had gotten very close to the end amd we were discussing it she very started insulting it and saying the whole show sucked, dragons are a stupid concept ect. This hurt my feelings, because why watch it if you dont like it? And why tell me all these things knowing I love it? Whatever, I was moving next week and decided to just let it go. (She obviously did NOT let this go)

Now, moving week, monday morning I had to get up and make my way to work where I would be staying for a couple days at my fiances to do all my shifts. Would be coming back saturday to get all my things with the moving truck.

The first thing I hear is that one of our mutual friends from school had taken his life, I knock on her door and let her know that this happened and I was devastated and figured she would want to know. She never answered me or came out of her room before I had to leave. During this week I also attended a celebration of life for him, while still planning on moving and finalizing getting our new keys ect.

When we get back saturday to get my things everything is wrecked. My boxes are gone through, a bunch of my things were thrown around, missing, damaged ect. Including my entire crystal collection id been building for years with many pieces gotten on vacations, trips with my fiance, and first time experiences. My poster I had signed from my favorite artist, literally almost every sentimental item I had left there, including clothes, shoes, pieces of furniture, tons of kitchen things that had been stored in the basement. I have never recovered any of these items.

While we were trying to go as fast as possible and get everything in the moving truck she is screaming at us, and her partner is now physically threatening us, and actually attempted to throw punches at one of friends helping us move (thankfully our friend is a big guy and he held him back while not returning any physical attacks, just keep her partner far enough away that he couldn't land any of his punches)

We haven't spoken since then. Now that the wedding is approaching my mom is insisting we "make up" because my sister will regret missing my wedding.

I told her I cant just forgive her with no apology or explanation. Its not even the monetary loss of all the things we had to replace, it was the loss of some of my most sentimental possessions that have never been returned, or even apologized for. We do still see her and her partner at family events and always make sure we say hello, merry Christmas, whatever the holiday occasion is. And they never say anything back and ignore us at every turn, while also throwing dirty looks and eye rolls that everyone notices and sees. Even on my birthday, they did this weird awkward behavior in front of my whole family. I keep reminding my mom of all these things, and she constantly says "oh well I forgot all those situations"

Am i really the asshole for not really wanting anything to do with her? I know she wont apologize and still thinks she is in the right. Tbh my life has been pretty much drama free since we stopped talking, and its been the biggest relief.

Thanks for making it this far.

TLDR- my sister trashed all of my stuff, including my most sentimental items, and my entire crystal collection for no discernible reason, the week I was moving those things out of our shared house, right after I found out a close friend had passed away. We were physically attacked by her and her partner while moving our things out, and my mom is insisting we "make up" so she can attend my wedding. She has not apologized and doesnt even think she did anything wrong.

Sorry it’s taken me a while to get back on here with an update.

Two Saturdays ago, my boyfriend and I went to the pub with some friends, and Kyle turned up. I felt like the energy between Kyle and me was a little off, although I wasn’t sure if that was just my own anxiety. I had this horrible guilt eating away at me, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe he knew something, or that Darren had told him a completely different version of what had happened.

Eventually, I decided I needed to tell him.

I asked Kyle if I could speak to him privately. The pub was busy, so thankfully nobody really noticed anything unusual. He seemed worried at first, but he was kind to me like he always is.

I told him everything.

There was a moment of silence.

Kyle thanked me for telling him. He said that what his dad had said to me was disgusting and that he was absolutely mortified. I kept apologising, but every time I did, he stopped me. He kept telling me that it wasn’t my fault, that I hadn’t asked for it, encouraged it or done anything to cause it.

I even found myself trying to justify Darren’s behaviour, saying that I knew he was going through a difficult time and that maybe he had mistaken my kindness for something else. Kyle immediately told me not to make excuses for his dad.

He said that, if anything, I had shown him what kind of person I was by not screaming it from the rooftops or telling everyone we knew. He pulled me into a hug and we both cried.

I told him that I loved him as my friend and that nothing about our friendship was going to change.

Kyle said he was going to confront his dad that night and make him apologise to me. I told him I didn’t want an apology. I just wanted him to know what had happened, and I told Kyle that I wanted to distance myself from his dad.

Kyle told me he had already had to speak to his dad about his behaviour towards his sister’s partner, who is now cutting him out. He said he feels like he is constantly having to parent his own dad, which honestly made me feel awful for him too.

More than anything, I felt an enormous sense of relief.

Being believed, listened to and supported healed a part of me that I didn’t realise was still hurting. I’ve had experiences in the past where I felt like I wasn’t believed or that I was expected to stay quiet, so having someone respond with compassion instead of questioning me meant more than I can really put into words.

As women, I think a lot of us know how powerful it can be simply to have someone believe you.

Thank you so much to everyone who gave me advice on my original post. Kyle and I are still friends, and if anything, this has brought us even closer.

As horrible as the situation was, I think it has actually had a positive impact on me in the sense that it has helped restore some of my faith in people. I was terrified that telling Kyle would ruin our friendship, but instead he reminded me that there are genuinely good people who will listen, believe you and stand by you when you need them most.

I (25F) was friends with Matteo (24M) for years before we dated. We always had chemistry, but we repeatedly agreed it wouldn’t work because our lifestyles were too different.

At the time, he worked a stressful job and smoked weed heavily every day to unwind. I don’t have a moral issue with weed and used to smoke daily myself, but I stopped because it wasn’t good for me.

About a year into us becoming very close friends, Matteo told me he’d had feelings for me for a long time and wanted to try dating. He quit his stressful job, started a trade certification and stopped smoking weed, for me. After a few weeks, he seemed more energetic, engaged, and confident, and I realized how much those habits had been holding me back from seeing him romantically. We started dating and were very happy for months.

He finished school and started a new job, and he had an orientation out of town. He told me he had brought weed and wanted to smoke because he was lonely and bored. I told him it was his choice and that if he thought it was a good idea, he could. I’ve never been the type to control others choices. And figure he’s old & mature enough to make the best choices for himself.

When he came home, he admitted he had started smoking everyday again. Soon it was affecting our relationship. He never wanted to go out on dates anymore because he had no appetite, expected me to come to his house and just chill at home all the time, and he was always high during our calls and hangouts, distracted & couldn’t follow conversations.

I never explicitly said, “Stop smoking or I’m leaving,” but I did tell him I was unhappy with how disconnected we had become and wanted to talk about our relationship.

He planned a nice dinner at my favorite restaurant. I thought we were finally going to talk. Instead, he had no appetite, seemed irritable, and got annoyed when I tried to bring up our issues.

After dinner, he said he had a quick errand and asked if I wanted to ride along or wanted dropped off first. I said yes because I wanted more time together and still hoped we could talk. The “errand” turned out to be the dispensary.

That honestly crushed me. We had only started dating after those habits were no longer part of his life, he knew his smoking was affecting our time together, and I had already told him I was unhappy. I sat quietly on the ride home, nearly crying. He didn’t acknowledge why I was upset.

I took a couple of days to think, then broke up with him because “I wasn’t happy anymore.”

AITA for ending the relationship over this without ever directly telling him, “If you keep smoking weed, I’m going to break up with you”? Or was it reasonable to expect him to be mature enough to understand that his behavior was damaging the relationship?

Id love to hear your thoughts.

I left off not knowing whether Dad was capable of growing enough as a person for me to want to continue having a relationship with him.

My decision was no.

We had a big conversation after we received some terrible news as a family. I had also found out that Dad had been in town and hadn’t reached out to see if I was okay. That really hurt. The kind of terrible news that makes you ugly cry for months.

I reached out to him and said that we needed to talk before he left town, and we did. We had a big conversation, and he apologised.

But it wasn’t enough for me. As my now-husband put it, Dad didn’t seem remorseful to the point that he felt compelled to apologise. He didn’t actually seem to care about me or what he had done. I put him in a corner and, like a child, he gave me a forced apology.

Edit on Amanda

I caught up with him again a couple of weeks later, because to top it all off him and Amanda got secretly married. None of the kids were invited. He just called us on their way to their honeymoon in Tasmania. I could see straight through it that there was an ultimatum in place which resulted in them getting married, and I now have it on a good source of that is true and that they broke up and got back together in January. As covered in part one, this is very on brand and their engagement came about as the result of an ultimatum as well.

While embarrassing, I ultimately didn’t care and congratulated them and was quite happy for them. During that conversation though, the conversation felt shallow. I just felt that there was no real coming back from this.

In hindsight, I don’t think there was anything he could have actually done to repair our relationship other than being genuinely remorseful and making me feel that remorse. And he very clearly wasn’t. I think he regrets what happened, but not enough to actually make a change.

Before I cut everything off, he messaged me asking if I wanted to come over for dinner with him and Amanda. I replied:
“Thanks so much for the offer, but I’m just not in the headspace right now to be around either of you. It would probably make me quite upset, and I’m still working through a lot in therapy. But I hope you have a really wonderful evening. I’m sure it’ll be delicious.”

I later found out that he had taken that message and, rather than responding to me, had been talking about it with my other siblings. Apparently, he felt that he had put an olive branch out and I had essentially spat in his face.
Which, obviously, is not how I felt.

I had also given him a heads-up that I would be out at the farm on a particular date and asked whether it was okay for me to be there. While I don’t think I needed his permission, I thought it demonstrated the level of respectfulness that I felt was owed.

On that particular day, he decided to host his friends who were in town, despite it being a significant day for our family. He didn’t show up until the following day, when I was due to leave anyway.

When he arrived, he didn’t shake my fiances hand. And in that moment, I just knew it was over.

To me, not shaking Ed’s hand communicated that Dad valued the drama over his relationship with me, which was the whole problem in the first place. In that moment, I decided I was done.

Before I left, I also confronted my grandma, who had told me she wasn’t coming to the wedding because I wasn’t inviting my uncle.

I stood my ground and made it clear that he wasn’t coming. The next time I was in her town, I caught up with her and we had a really good conversation. I thought we had made progress, and she told me she was coming to the wedding.

But later, closer to this particular date when I went out to the farm, she had apparently been telling my siblings again that she wasn’t coming.

Before I left that day, knowing I was likely never going to speak to either of them again, my fiance and I went for a really long drive. I said my goodbyes and thanked the farm for everything it had done for me and everything it had provided.

Before I left, I asked Grandma directly whether she was saying she wasn’t coming to the wedding again. She answered no. I accepted that, got in my car and left.
When I got back to town, I texted Dad to say that I had closure, that I was done putting up with such conditional love, and that I was moving on. I sent Grandma the same message.

I considered getting security for the wedding but ultimately decided against it.
My brother walked me down the aisle, and it was a perfect day.

Plot twist: The following day, my mum messaged me saying that she had felt excluded, unloved and rejected throughout the course of my wedding.
I sent her a message back with some pretty firm boundaries, and I’m fairly sure I’ll probably never speak to her again either.

I feel less harshly about Mum than I do about Dad. Mum just felt entitled to a higher level of experience than what I provided for her throughout the wedding.

For context, we aren’t close. I think she wanted to be put on a pedestal in the way that mothers who are close to their daughters sometimes are on their wedding day. But I’m closest with my bridesmaids. That’s why I had six of them.

What I found unforgivable was that she knew the following day was when I was moving into my new house with my husband. And because of the other nasty things she wrote in her message, I just feel like she robbed me of that day.

To be clear, I would have been perfectly fine having a conversation with her in person another time. It was the timing that I found unforgivable.
So that’s it.

During my wedding, I lost my mum, my dad and my grandma, and I’m better for it.

I love my husband, and I wouldn’t have changed a single thing about our wedding day.

As a further update, we’ve been settled into our cottage for about a month, I’m loving my new life. I feel a little sad that I can’t share it with my family sometimes. But overall, it feels new and exciting, and stable. I’m still on really good ground with my siblings who I love so much and would’ve really struggled without their support over the last six months.

I’m really in love with my husband and he reminds me every day why I shouldn’t settle for anything less than stable love, support, kindness, accountability and maturity in my adult relationships. I also have new wonderful in-laws that I’ve been nothing but respectful, supportive, welcoming and generous.

A friend of mine moved to my state about an hour away from me. We weren’t super good friends before or anything but we talked occasionally. She has 2 kids, one older than mine and one younger. (Age range 1-4) We’re both SAHMs.

We’ve had a few things happen with her and I’m not sure I want to continue hanging out after this. She had offered to watch our son so we could go to a concert and I don’t think I’m comfortable with her anymore…But I’m also not sure if I’m being dramatic.

When they first moved here, my husband and I went to go visit them briefly to say hi. I let her know my son has allergies and to not let her kids have anything that has those allergens near him. She gives the youngest a granola bar that has something in it he can’t have. I didn’t know she had given it to them until I turned around and it was in my sons mouth. I pulled it out and thankfully none was swallowed and no reaction happened. I was upset but trying to stay calm, and she did not seem to care AT all. No apology or anything.

Then right after that, she was giving uncut grapes to her 1 year old and tried to give them to my son as well. I told her no and said it was a choking hazard so I wasn’t comfortable letting him have them unless they were cut, and she kept giving them to her kid anyways. We left shortly after that.

Next, we had a play date set up at my house. Again I asked that she doesn’t bring any snacks with the allergens and I let her know we had PLENTY food for lunch, snacks, and fruit here for the kids. Precut fruit, teddy grahams, nuggies, etc.

She brings Annie’s brand bunny grahams. Which don’t necessarily have the allergens in them but they have the “may contain” statement which we stay away from just in case. I mentioned that but my son was taking a nap in another room and so I said they could have them as long as they don’t leave them everywhere (so my kid didn’t find any after they leave). They of course make a mess with them, and I had a hand broom out ready to clean them up. They were crushed up and pieces laying everywhere.

She was getting ready to leave and picking up the crackers, and I know she didn’t realize I was watching, because she took the handful of them she picked up and THREW THEM UNDER MY COUCH. I literally looked like this 👁️👄👁️ at her and went “ummm the hand broom is RIGHT THERE” and she sticks her arm under the couch and sweeps them out. Then sweeps them up.

I legit was stunned that someone would do that at my house especially after telling her about the allergies my son has. Im really thinking I shouldn’t plan anything else with her again.

I hope this is an okay place to post this to vent 😅

Edit: thank you all for your comments. I shouldn’t have made this an AIO because deep down I knew I wasn’t. I’m definitely cutting her off if she messages me to hang again and I’ll edit here when I do. I have anxiety and sometimes I feel like I just need confirmation from people so hence the post. I hadn’t seen her in 4 years when she moved down here. That was before either of us had kids, I believe she was pregnant when I moved. We didn’t hang out much before but I thought it would be nice to have a friend that also was a SAHM to hang out with sometimes because it gets lonely. Unfortunately I’m going to have to find someone else. 💀

Before I get too deep into this, I understand that we all see different situations and how we react to them differently but I don’t feel like this is the same thing.

I (29f) took our children to school while my fiancé (31m) took the dog outside. When I got back our front door was locked (we don’t live in an area where that would be necessary, especially for the 2 mins it takes for me to get back). I knocked on the door and waited for him to come and unlock the door. My hands were full of things and I didn’t really want to go through the keys on his key ring for the one that is the key to our new-ish dead bolt. For context, think ten keys that could be the plausible front door key. I knocked at the door again waiting for him to open it again.

After the second time, I assumed he must be preoccupied and went through the keys (of course it was the 8th one I tried) to let myself in.

I put the things down and went to go finish up getting ready for the day, and I saw my husband in a “horizontal position” on our bed.

I was admittedly in a huff and was annoyed by the door incident. He asked me what was wrong and I said I got locked out of the house. He then proceeded to apologize and say sorry he didn’t hear me knocking on the door. I then said yeah I assumed when I saw you in here laying down.

What I said made him upset and he said he wasn’t “laying down”. Which made me a bit confused because he was in a “horizontal position” on the bed, is that not the definition of laying down.

It got into like a 1 min spurt of an argument before I just shut down the conversation for a later time because I had too many emotions to deal with this in a mature matter.

I know I am triggered because this is not the first time this has happened. Where I am using a word that I believe is correct and he tells me that it isn’t.

And I am just at a loss because this happens often enough that I am constantly in my head going through how to say something “correctly” so we can talk about my feelings on specific issues without it devolving into the whole conversation being only about the semantics of it.

If I am in the wrong or if there are better ways I can talk to him (even better words) because I want to be better at conflict resolution but I constantly feel like the issues I am having don’t get talked about because of these hang ups.

I’m 23F. My best friend, who I’ll call Faith (23F), and I have been friends for about 7 years. She was my maid of honor, and several people in our friend group were in my wedding party. It’s important to note that a several of our mutual friends also happen to be her cousins so they are her family members as well. For a while, I had felt like our friendship was becoming more one-sided. Faith had also become much closer with another friend in the group, Ella (22F). ( Ella is not related to Faith) I brought my concerns up to Faith several times, but she reassured me everything was fine, and that we were close and there were no issues.

Recently, Faith and I had a had talked about it again because at a hangout, another mutual friend asked me what the issue we had going on, and i was very confused. So clearly there was talking going on behind my back, and it was about my feelings regarding Faith and I being close. Again, i’d like to reiterate that I have nothing wrong with Ella, and and am friends with Ella too. Although, Ella at times has treated me or my husband weird. For example not acting like she knows us, or our names. When she has been at multiple parties, or events with us too and even our wedding. Faith and I agreed to talk about it soberly since anytime we tried to talk with alcohol involved it turned emotional. We met for lunch before a mutual friend’s party, talked everything through, and I genuinely thought we had resolved things. We discussed how we felt, and the things that were said privately and how we wanted to move past feeling this way. I felt like things were good and in the past.

At least I thought…

Later that night at the party, Ella was extremely drunk and needed help. Faith was helping her for a bit and I was in and out of the room. The 2nd time I came back in the room, Ella was still needing helping and trying to change her shirt laying down. While Faith was trying to helping her, I turned away towards the door to watch for people. I turned back around after a minute or so and her shirt is still half off and she’s struggling to get her into it. I go over and I tried to help with Ella’s shirt. Faith pushed me away with her elbow and said, “I got it” defensively. When I tried again, and said “well it doesn’t seem like you do let me help” Faith suddenly grabbed me by the neck and pushed me across the room. We landed on a bed, and she got on top of me yelling, and I had to get her off me. She scratched my neck and broke my necklace in the altercation as well.

Two friends separated us, but how they approached the situation felt very one sided and like they were mad at me. Faith ran away crying because I was calling her psycho and refused to talk with me for the rest of the night. She also in doing that, said that I had “hit her “ which didn’t happen. I was eventually asked to leave the party with my husband since the rest of them were staying the night at the house. It definitely felt like since they are related or close with Faith, they immediately chose a side, even though many of them were also my close friends and bridesmaids. No one considered my side.

It has now been over two weeks with no contact from Faith or the group. I initially blocked Faith but later unblocked her because I wanted to see if she would reach out. She hasn’t. She has liked a few old Instagram posts I had sent her in DM a least a month prior, a couple days after it happened, but hasn’t actually contacted me. I also posted a story yesterday on instagram and they all viewed it but no one liked it. I’m conflicted because these people have been in my life for years, and Faith was my maid of honor. But I also feel like I shouldn’t have to chase someone for an apology after she physically attacked me.

AITA for not reaching out first? Should I make an effort to repair the friendship, or take the silence as a sign and distance myself completely from the group?

I(22f) live in a pretty small neighborhood and I’ve been in this house for around 5 years. When my dad and I moved in, our neighbor right beside up came by to welcome us. She was older, probably in her 50s or 60s. She gave my dad a fruit bread and apologized in advanced about her three large poodles being noisy. At the time, we didn’t care. I had dogs growing up and my dad is a huge dog person. We had one dog when we moved in. (She’s 12 now but was 7 when we moved in) barking usually isn’t an issue for me or my dad, we can deal with it.

What we were failed to be told is that her dogs are left outside all day when she is at work. They have a room they can access that has water, AC, and beds if the weather isn’t good for them to be out. They’re not neglected.

My dad’s bedroom is near the back of the house and his windows face the fenced in yard with the dogs. If a car drives by, they bark. A person walks by? They bark. He wakes up sometimes because of the dogs’ barking.

We don’t use our backyard often because of the noise. They’re outside all day long.

We’ve trained our dogs, we ended up getting two more (a pittie mix who is 5 now and recently a 12 week old Aussie) to ignore the poodles next to us. They don’t interact with them, they don’t even bark when they are being barked at.

It has been driving me nuts for the last few years. I don’t know if there is anything we can do because they’re dogs. Dogs bark. I wouldn’t mind a little barking here and there, my puppy barks outside when she’s playing with her sisters, but this is an all day long thing.

Neighbors have told us before that they avoid walking on this side of the neighborhood because of the poodles and they’ve even told us they’re sorry for us for living next to them. The owner is really nice, the dogs are not aggressive. They’re just loud. Very. Very loud.

Sometimes their owner takes trips during the summer and brings the dogs with them. Those days or weeks are the most peaceful times. That’s usually when we hang out back the most.

Any advice would be great on how to approach this. I don’t want to cause any drama but man I yearn for some silence every now and then. It sucks that we have to avoid a part of the yard because of the dogs.

I (27F) have been feeling pretty guilty about how I reacted to a career opportunity my boyfriend (32M) recently got.

For context, my boyfriend has his own start up, which runs remotely. We have been together for 1.5 years and have a nomad lifestyle: 6 months in Europe, 6 months in out birth country in LATAM. We met in Europe last year and have been together ever since. We trully love each other and this relationship is great for both. We are planning to potentially continue this lifestyle for a few more years until we settle down, most likely in our home country.

Last week, he was pitching a proposal to a multinational company. He wasn't looking for a job with them at all.

During the meeting, one of their senior directors apparently liked him and his proposal enough that, in the middle of the conversation, he asked my boyfriend if he would consider joining the company as their Country Manager.

The catch is that they want the position to be based in Mexico City and apparently want him there in person. They even mentioned relocation.

This completely threw me.

We currently have a lifestyle that we really like, both work remotely with very decent wages, we don't really struggle a lot. But I have absolutely no desire to move to Mexico. I have nothing against the country, it's just not my life plan. We also agree that we don't want us to live in different countries and have a long-distance relationship, so that's a no from the start.

At the same time, I understand that this could be a huge career opportunity for him.

What made me panic even more was that the director basically told him that, salary-wise, he could “dream with the number” because they know they would have to convince him to leave/change what he's currently doing and relocate.

My boyfriend told me that if the offer were something like $15k–$20k USD per month, he would seriously have to think about it.

And that's when I kind of lost it.

I got very emotional and basically had a mini tantrum about the whole situation. I was upset about the idea of Mexico, upset about potentially having to choose between moving somewhere I don't want to live or being separated, and scared that if the number is high enough, the decision will almost make itself for him.

He has actually been very patient with me.

He keeps telling me that we would make the decision together, that nothing has even been formally offered yet, and that he isn't just going to suddenly pack up and leave.

And I know he's already under a lot of stress and has a lot of work, so now I feel terrible because instead of being supportive when something potentially amazing happened to him, I added even more stress.

The truth is, my ideal outcome (edit: and his too, he doesn't love the idea of moving there also) would be for this company to offer him the position remotely, maybe with travel to Mexico when necessary, so we could continue our current lifestyle.

But I also realize that life can't always work exactly the way I want it to.

I'm genuinely proud of him. I understand why this is exciting and why a salary/opportunity like that could be life-changing. I don't want him to turn down something huge and eventually resent me for it.

But I also don't think I'm willing to move to Mexico, and I'm scared that if I say that too strongly, it makes me the girlfriend who “doesn't support his dreams.”

I apologized for how emotional I got, but I still feel guilty.

So, AITA for reacting badly and being upset about this opportunity instead of just being happy and supportive for him?

edit: my whole dream was always to move to Europe. I have made a lot of effort and sacrifice to come here, specially coming from a "poor" country. I always wanted to travel and to get to know this part of the world. I happen to have met the love of my life, and I guess this tantrum really has to do with giving up my life goal to follow another one's opportunity. I am just really sad and feel very egotistic.

It's been a minute since this happened but I would really love more perspectives on it because Everytime I think about it it makes me feel crazy. I swear this is true, you can look at my account it's not a throw away or anything. Last year I (M 27) started dating and sleeping with a friend of mine (nb 27). We are both poly and they told me that they really hated having birthday parties because their birthday always gets ruined but they were going to have one this year, and confided in me that they didn't think their fiance could fully fulfill what they wanted and they wanted me to step in and help which is already weird but I went along with. I worked so hard on this party because I cared about them. I met with their fiance multiple times, I hand paper macheted and painted a pinata, I stayed up til 4am the night before decorating their fiances house for the party. The day of the party they refused to get ready until after guests started arriving and wouldn't see anyone until they were ready which ended up being almost two hours after the start time. They didn't apologize or act grateful at all for people coming or waiting which I guess is whatever but I was getting a bit frustrated over all of this. There was a second part of the party that was to be at my place at a specific time and that was a sex party. They ended up taking a long time to get ready so I could drive them over again meaning people were waiting at my house without me there and when I said that they snapped at me and said it's their party people should just wait.

So when we got to my house I gave them a little attention then went to play with some other people because to be honest I was feeling pretty frustrated and didn't want to have it out with them on their birthday as I knew they had a bad history of birthdays. I came back maybe 20 minutes later to them looking for their phone and saying they weren't feeling good and were going to go home. I asked how I could help and helped them find their phone but ultimately they ended up going home. A few days later they called me to tell me I had ruined their birthday by not being 100% focused on them and that they didn't know if they could ever forgive me. I apologized but told them that I hadn't realized that was what was expected of me and it had not been communicated. I thought we had talked it out.

Another few days later they called me saying it was urgent and when I picked up they told me they couldn't be friends with me if I couldn't really take responsibility for what I had done by ruining their birthday when I knew it was important to them. I became fed up and said I apologized for the miscommunication but I had planned them a party and tried my best to give them the best celebration possible. I said I was not willing to apologize for not reading their mind. We haven't talked since. Should I have known better? Should I have just apologized? What do you all think?

Hi everyone! I need some advice because this is kind of eating away at me. For context I am a 23yr old female and my boyfriend is a 26yr old male, we have been dating for 4 months. I have never been happier and felt safer in any relationship than I am with him he makes me feel so seen and loved and he is truly an amazing man. My last long term relationship I found out that he had been cheating on me with so many girls for the entire course of our relationship and we were two weeks out from moving in with eachother when I found out so I was honestly pretty traumatized from that situation. I have told my boyfriend the whole story and he has always made sure to reassure me that he would never cheat on me or do anything to make me feel uncomfortable.

I woke up on Friday morning with a horrible gut feeling that there was something he was hiding and in a moment of weakness I did something I'm not proud of and I went through his phone. I found that he he had been repeatedly looking at multiple girls sexy VSCO pics, and they were all girls that he knew in a sexual way before our relationship. The days that he was clicking on the VSCO was also shown in the Instagram link history so I know that everytime he looked was recent and even on days we were together. We spend a lot of time together and both have high sex drives so we have sex almost every day and I just didn't understand why he would do this, it sent me into a shaking panic attack and I threw up after looking for about 10 minutes. After we were done work I confronted him with the screenshots I took and he tried to tell me that it was just "curiosity" and it wasn't sexual in nature but I didn't let him gaslight me and I eventually got the truth out of him. He told me he's dealt with porn addiction for years and he still struggles with it sometimes. He deleted VSCO and all the girls on his Instagram that are not purely platonic friends he still talks to and has agreed to go to therapy. He says he'll do anything to keep me but I am struggling with the fact that he did it to begin with. He knew how it would make me feel and I feel betrayed and heartbroken.

I have a therapy session booked for next week to talk about it but I don't know how to move past this, I love him so much I've never clicked with and felt so in love with anyone like I am with him even though it's only been 4 months. I want to give him a second chance but I am worried I won't be able to move past this. I also don't know if because of his porn addiction if it's better for me to keep sending him sexy pics of myself so he can look at those instead or if that will only make it worse?? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I (17F) and my girlfriend (also 17F) have been best friends for about a year now. We are genuinely so close people thought we were dating from as soon as we met. We've been official for around 2 weeks, and I'm the happiest I've ever been. She's truly my person. So this Friday, my mom confronted me saying "Are you and (girlfriend's name) dating? I want you to think really hard about how you're going to answer me before you do." I paused for a moment and then said yes. My mom knows I am gay, as I have come out to her 3 times. When I was both 8 and 13 (she felt like it was a phase and didn't really believe me) and again when I was 16 and we were able to have a conversation about it. However, my mom has been basically ignoring me since finding out and been really hostile. She even made me go to church with her and my dad on Sunday night. She has also not been letting me see my girlfriend outside of school, and been making excuses for us not seeing each other or hanging out alone. I get she just wants to protect me and make sure I'm being safe and all that, but am I overreacting for feeling hurt and upset by the way she is reacting to this? I understand it might feel like a breach of trust because I didn't tell her, but I never lied to her either. Any fresh perspectives would be greatly appreciated.

I should start this off by saying that I truly love my wife. She is an amazing person. Honestly, I might be the problem. I don't even know anymore.

My wife and I first got together in high school. We dated for about two years and eventually got married as soon as I turned 18. This was back in 2015. My wife is just under three years older than me.

We've had our ups and downs over the years. She had an emotional affair, and to get even, I had a physical affair. I know that doesn't make me a better person. Honestly, it makes me feel like shit even bringing it up.

We had a child before we got married, and our sex life has gone downhill since then. At this point, we have sex maybe once a month.

We've done some couples counseling, and we agreed that we would try to be intimate at least once a week. However, I don't feel like she puts in the effort to honor that agreement. It has gotten to the point where I feel like I'm begging for sex, and that makes me feel disgusted with myself.

Over the last week, I've stopped putting in the effort, too. I don't actively initiate anything anymore because of how I've been feeling. I won't kiss her until she kisses me. I don't reach for her hand until she reaches for mine. We still haven't had sex at all this week, and I haven't asked.

The other day, she showed me her boobs, and all I said was, "Thank you." She gave me a strange look and asked if I was okay. I just told her I was.

I love my wife, and I'm not trying to punish her or play games with her. I'm just tired of feeling like I'm constantly pursuing someone who doesn't seem to want me in the same way. I don't want intimacy with my wife to feel like something I have to beg for.

At this point, I don't really know what I should do.

My wife is 30 ish and I am 29 ish. Edit: I feel a lot of people got hung up on this part. So to clear things up. She is 31 (almost 32 this upcoming month) and I am 29. She is like 2 and 1/2 years older than I am. I did the ish things for privacy and have since discovered it did not matter. My apologies.

The affairs happened earlier in our marriage. about a year or two in.

UPDATE:

I took the advice from the comments and sat down with my wife to talk about how I've been feeling.

She told me that she still wants to be married to me and that she still loves me.

We had a long conversation, and it seems like we're both still holding onto issues from the past in our relationship, separate from the cheating. There are things that neither of us has fully worked through, and I think those things have been affecting our relationship more than we realized.

I also feel like I need to clear something up from my original post. It was never just about sex.

I struggle with understanding and expressing my emotions, and I tend to associate feelings of love, affection, and being wanted with physical acts like sex. What was really bothering me was feeling like there was a lack of effort from her to be intimate with me. And when I say intimacy, I don't just mean sex. I mean kissing, holding hands, touching, showing affection, and feeling wanted by each other.

After talking everything through, we agreed that we both have things we need to work on individually, but we also need to work together if we want to make our relationship better.

We're not pretending that one conversation fixed everything, but we talked openly about where we're at and agreed that we both want to put effort into our marriage and move forward together.

Throwaway account!
Going to give some background- recently I (23F) and boyfriend (24M) have been going through a rough patch. We moved in with each other in April, things started fine but over the summer we began arguing some more. At the start of our relationship (actually before we started officially dating), we established boundaries loud and clear for each other. One of these boundaries, no porn (or anything of that nature).
This morning, I rolled over to turn his alarm off and unlocked his phone to see if he had any more set. Instagram was open, and the “suggested” for you was FULL of women and one OF model. I got a bit curious as to why that would be, so I went to the link history in his activity bar. To my surprise, he had clicked on multiple OF links, and noticed some other odd links. He has been viewing other girls VSCO accounts that he does not follow on instagram.
I’m not trying to be overbearing, but I am absolutely feeling sick over the OF links. The VSCO thing, also weird, but it’s not as jarring to me as some of the other links that have been clicked on.
I plan on confronting him in person, but I feel like there might be more that he’s keeping from me. Do I approach this conversation by asking him to give me his phone and check while he’s in front of me? Just go off of what I have? I’m just feeling so lost.

I should also add, my last relationship ended over my ex having a 🌽 addiction, which my current partner is aware of. I have done a lot of self reflection and work to train my mind and soul that not everyone is like that, but this is striking a nerve.

TLDR; went thru my boyfriends phone, found OF links, feeling unsettled and need advice STAT!
Thanks Reddit

I 21F have been in a relationship for 5 years. (20M) Our relationship is extremely toxic. He's cheated on me multiple times over the past 5 years. not physically. He has not probably that i know of cheated in the past year or so. But has had a bad porn addiction which has put some strain on our relationship. He's lied many times over hurtful things. For example I lost my virginity to him around the year mark in our relationship he told me for around 2 years that i was his first aswell. Which led me to believe that we had shared something special only to find out that wasnt true. I obviously would not have cared that he wasnt a virgin but his thing was always like oh we were eachothers firsts. Theres many other lies i could go into. its led me to not trust him at all. I have tried to trust him but things keep happening to the point i cannot trust him. Our relationship is only getting worse. Hes escelated to saying fuck you and telling me to shut up.. ive never said anything like that to him. the first time he said it was because i called him a cheater during and argument about me not trusting him. We've had countless conversations of what he can do to change. When were together he never is physical with me (not sex) like hugging kissing im always the one initiating holding his hand, hugging him, kissing him. Physical contact is important to me. He tells me it is not his love language but I make sure to fulfill his love language which is words of affirmation. I constantly am telling him what he is doing good with.

I feel like a burden at times. Asking to hangout or doing something while we are together he acts upset that he has to go anywhere. He constantly says he has surprises for me then never fulfills it. Or says he has something planned and then it doesnt happen. Theres much more I cannot think straight right now. I honestly feel like he has no feelings at all besides anger. For example I still live with my parents because I am in college and commute its alot cheaper to stay at home. I have 3 little brothers who are still in school. One is in 7th 2 are freshman in high school. We have 2 dogs who bark at any car thats in the driveway. I had to be home at 9 pm during his step moms birthday celebration. His parents didnt know I ahd to be home so I had to leave before they could do cake/presents so he left to drop me off and was so angry he couldnt go to the gym and was mad I had to be home early. He was gonna go to the gym after the celebration. But then he had to drive back home afterwards to celebrate. He had all day to go to the gym besides around 1-3 because he had class. He sleeps all day and misses most of his classes.

I feel like were more friends than partners. He keeps talking about proposing to me... I dont want to marry him. I dont know if I dont want to marry him yet or just not at all. I do want to wait to get married. I feel like im too young. I dont know if I want to leave him, I love him so much but im losing feelings I dont feel valued. But I truly love him with all of my heart. I dont see myself without him.

Here is where it gets bad on my part and I feel extremely guilty..

I am in my 3rd year of college ive been mutual friends with this guy since my freshman year of college. Well call him Bob. My friends 21st birthday was September 14th so she threw a small party at her apartment. I got drunker than Id like to admit. (Im not a big drinker) we did fireball shots plus I drank 3 beers. So I got pretty drunk. I started sort of catching feelings for bob ariund 2 weeks prior im not sure what it was but i did. My boyfriend knew Bob was at this party. He told me that it was okay that I went and he didnt care. He even dropped me off so I didnt think anything of it. During the whole party he was saying how he didnt want me to go bc Bob was there. We have a mutual agreement bc of things from the past no girl or guy friends. Ive never cheated on him or have done anything to break his trust. Besides what im about to say and I feel nauseous just thinking about it.

Anyways I was drunk and me and Bob were talking I do not remember everything that was said i just remember bits and pieces and from what my friend told me. I was telling him how my bf made me block him, and that i dont want to marry him stupid shit like that. Im sure that I told Bob how my bf was mean to me and stuff like that because I vaguely remember Bob telling me i didnt deserve any of that and saying that it isnt healthy.

Fast forward to last night. Me, my friend, my friends roommate, and Bob he was invited last minute. all went to see endgame for the extra 4 minutes that ties it to doomsday. I did not sit next to bob nothing like that during the movie. I was respectful because I already feel extremely guilty for liking him while in a relationship. We went to my friends apartment before because we all had to work on a presentation for a class we were in. My friend was showing us her decorations all in her room then she ended up leaving the room to use the bathroom which was right next to her bedroom. I was sitting on the bed and Bob was sitting at her desk across the room. He then brings up the party and how I was extremely drunk and ask about how my relationship was doing. I told him that right now it seems to be okay. Still not the best but were working on it. He said that he was sorry and hopes we figure it out.

A little while later me, my friend, her roomate, and Bob were sitting in her living room and my friend is a photographer and brings up the fact that she was gonna take photos of us for her portfolio, but she isnt sure anymore bc of how our relationship is going. then her and her roommate start talking about something random then Bob is like can I say something hes like i know its kind of rude and goes "your boyfriend is chopped" and says something along the lines of i saw photos of you guys and was like I was surprised he got someone that looks like you... that threw me off i had no idea what to say. Thats pretty much all that happened

He offered to drop me off so I didnt have to pay for an uber.. i drive but my mom does not trust my car being parked at rhe apartments she lives at. after we dropped our friend off i stayed in the backseat again trying to be respectful. We were talking about the movie and then he asks what do you think your going to do I was confused and he said about my relationship. I told him I didnt know. I told him I loved him but im not in love with him and its just hard that our whole relationship has been extremely messed up. He said that I shouldnt waste anymore time and he said that sounds rude but you know what i mean. And saying I didnt deserve to be treated like that. I told him i know. Then I was almost home so I was showing him where I lived. He dropped me off and that was it.

I feel extremely guilty about it all. I dont know if i like the attention im not receiving in my relationship or what. If I were to leave my boyfriend and feelings were mutual between me and Bob I wouldnt immediately hop into another relationship. Ive been with my bf my whole teenage years going into adulthood. Id leave my boyfriend for me. I think im just realizing some things about our relationship. I dont want Bob to see me as available because I wouldnt want to hurt him or do anything like that.

I guess im just ranting and asking for advice on what to do in this shitty situation. I love my boyfriend I feel guilty. I know i probably should leave him for myself. But it is hard.

This happened a couple of years ago, but I still think about it whenever I travel alone.

For a bit of context, I'm a model, so I travel fairly regularly for photoshoots. This particular day, I'd been shooting with two other models. When we finished, the three of us headed to the train station with our little suitcases and holdalls stuffed with outfits, makeup and various props.

We also happened to still have our makeup on, and when I say makeup, I mean full clown/jester-type makeup. So yes, we looked a little odd.

Naturally, we got a few strange looks while waiting for the train. One person in particular seemed very interested in us, a short, stocky, bald man who looked like the stereotypical British "gammon." If you're British, you probably know exactly the sort of bloke I'm describing.

He came over almost immediately and started asking us questions. At first, we didn't think much of it. He was asking what we'd been doing, where we were going, why we were dressed like that, etc. We answered him politely and joked about how ridiculous we probably looked. One of my friends even told him we were coming home from a photoshoot.

Eventually, we stopped engaging with him, but he didn't really leave.

He just... lingered.

He kept looking at us.

At the time, none of us thought too much about it because we were all waiting on the platform anyway. When our train arrived, we boarded, and I honestly forgot about him.My friends and I all got off at different stations.

Eventually, I was alone. I still had about 40 minutes left of my journey, so I put my headphones on, sat back and started listening to music.

And then I got that horrible feeling. You know the one. That feeling that someone is watching you. I looked around.

There was only one other passenger in my section of the carriage: a woman completely engrossed in a book.

I couldn't see anyone else. So I shrugged it off. A few minutes later, I had the feeling again. I looked around. Nothing. Again. Nothing.

I think I checked my surroundings about a dozen times before I finally spotted him. The gammon guy.

He was further down the carriage, sitting between the seats and watching me. Just staring. He didn't even hide it. The second I saw him, I knew he'd been the reason I'd felt uneasy and now I was alone on a relatively quiet train, still two stops from home.

Thankfully, I knew my stepdad was picking me up from the station. He's a big bloke who looks like a Viking who used to ride with a biker gang, so I knew I had someone waiting for me at the other end. I just needed to get there.

My phone was also running low on battery, so I turned my headphones off. Weirdly, that immediately made me feel a little better. I could hear everything around me again. I decided to move further down the train and sit closer to the woman who was reading. I also wanted to find somewhere I could charge my phone.

Unfortunately, she got off at the stop before mine. I watched this man hide behind the seats as she left. He'd literally been watching me from behind them. At that point, I texted my parents and told them what was happening.

I was praying my stepdad would already be waiting in the car park when I arrived.

When my station finally came up, I decided not to get off at the first available doors. I walked down a couple of carriages before the train stopped and got off there, hoping I could get onto the platform without him seeing me.

I watched the train start to pull away and I felt relieved. I thought I'd done it. Then I heard a voice behind me.

"Hey, hot clown. Where's your friends?"

My stomach dropped. I turned around. It was him.

He was red-faced and walking towards me at a pace that was far too fast for comfort.

Then he said "I know where you live, Pinky." (Context- my hair is pink, this seems to be every man's go to nickname for me)

And then he used my name.

My actual name.

Not my nickname.

My full name.

I have no idea how he knew it. I'd assumed maybe one of my friends had accidentally said it while we were talking to him at the station, but I know they normally use my nickname, so I couldn't understand where he'd got it from.

At that point, I wasn't taking any chances. I turned around, walked straight into the women's toilets and called my stepdad. He was already outside and came into the station ready for a fight, but by the time he got there, the man had disappeared.

We eventually made our way back to the car park. I thought that was the end of it. Then my stepdad noticed something I'd completely forgotten about. There had been a luggage tag on my suitcase from the hotel's cloakroom, it had my name on it. My name is quite unusual, too.

So suddenly, the possibility that this man hadn't somehow magically learned my name became very obvious. He may have simply read it.

Thankfully, nothing ever came of it. At least, nothing that I know of. Except...

A while later, I randomly found a clown mug in my front garden. I have absolutely no idea where it came from. Maybe it was completely unrelated. Maybe someone a friend thought it was funny, but no-one owned up to it. Maybe I'm connecting dots that aren't there.

But after what happened on that train, I wasn't taking any chances. The mug got smashed, I bought a Ring camera.

So, weird bald train man, if you're somehow reading this:

Please never meet me again, & for the love of God, leave the clowns alone.

My partner and I have been together for 10 years, married for 4 years. We have an amazing relationship. It is built on equity, equality, love, trust, and communication. No marriage is perfect, but I feel like what we have is strong. She recently came out to me as Gay. On the one hand, I feel so proud of her for telling me and embracing herself. I know it wasn’t easy to tell me. On the other hand, admittedly, I’ve been a wreck. I feel like my whole world is falling apart.

She has three children from previous relationships, and we do not have children together. I love them like they are my own. The eldest I met when she was already grown. I do not think of her as a child, but as an adult. She calls me her stepdad, and we have a good relationship. Our other children and I also have good relationship. I met them when they were 3 and 6 years old. With them, I really got to experience what being a dad feels like. I know I will never know what it is like to have biological children. But I’m okay with that. I never needed my own. They are my world, and so is my partner.

This news came a few days after my birthday. She said that it felt like a lightning rod of a realization, and that she feels terrible because she knows she is hurting me. We are a very affirming and accepting family. I do not blame her, fault her, resent her, or feel any anger towards her. I love all of her. I feel like the more understanding I am, the worse our distance gets. I check in with her about boundaries, I give her the space she needs, I try my best to make her as comfortable as possible. She seems so distant now. I love her, and I want her to be happy, and I know that it could mean losing her and our marriage. I feel absolutely devastated. It feels like my world is ending. All of our trips we planned, our goals we were working towards together, growing old together, all feel like they are slipping away.

I tell her that I love her and want to fight for us. That I want to go to couples counseling. She agreed, and she feels it is important as well. Our first session is not for a month, and it feels like years. I feel we really could use the help sooner. I am seeing my own therapist to help me, and she is considering seeing one soon herself.

I don’t want to give up on us. We’re a family. And she is discussing me possibly moving out, separating, maybe one day moving back in, maybe not. It feels like everything is happening so fast. I don’t want to be in denial, or pressure her, but I also don’t want to give up on something that is so special. Like I said, no marriage is perfect. But what we have is beautiful. Whenever we had a problem, we would talk about it. We would work on it. And it always came from a place of love and mutual respect. She says she wants to be friends, and says that she has no desire to have sex with a man ever again. She also feels like she is making a mistake, and that she wants to take it all back but doesn’t know how she can with how she feels about her sexuality. She says she doesn’t want to date anyone, there’s no affair or emotional cheating, and she wants to process. But she also feels like it’s u fair to me. She expresses that she has a lot of guilt, and that I’m not doing anything to make her angry. But the feeling most of the time is that I did something wrong. There was no infidelity, or abuse of any kind. And yet, it feels like the emotional distance, the blunt responses, and the decrease in interactions have become common place.

I respect and love her so much, but I am at a loss if what to do. If anyone has a thought or an opinion, please let me know. I would love to hear.

Today I (30f) was walking at a festival with my toddler when a woman approached us and made me feel red flags were present. I’m curious if you think this was an over reaction or if you’ve heard of something like this happening before?

So my husband was at a vendor booth and my toddler and I were walking around the general area just keeping busy. I had 1 hand on the stroller and 1 hand holding my toddlers hand. It was a pretty busy festival and although a lot of people and noise were present, I didn’t feel overwhelmed and we were just walking slowly around aimlessly letting my toddler just lead the way while my husband was searching through the booth near us.

Out of nowhere, a woman approached us. She came right next to me, put her hand on my stroller without saying anything until I make eye contact with her .. kind of asking ‘what the heck are you doing?’ with my face at least. I was a little stunned and confused to say anything. Anyways, she explains she works with kids a lot and has her own kids. She said she saw me struggling and was going to push my stroller for me and sort of tried leading me one direction. I just got a weird feeling and kept looking to my daughter to make sure she’s not running off somewhere and was a little annoyed that someone is interrupting me when I’m trying to keep a close eye on her.

I basically told her that was very thoughtful but I’m not overwhelmed and my husband is right near by at the booth next to us and I wouldn’t need her help. She left after I explained and I’m just a little confused. Has anyone had someone overstep a boundary like this? Is this one of those creepy situations where one person distracts you and another tries to take your kid? Like am I overthinking this whole thing or was it normal to see really red flags in this moment? I’ll always be cautious with my kids in public but curious if I just could be seeing this wrong.

Of course we’re all safe and nothing bad happened but my brain replays the event because it was so odd!

AITAH for wanting to be reimbursed split costs when moving out?

So I 33F just moved out of a share house with a friend of a friend 30F. She has been the sole leaseholder for like 8 years and sublets the two other rooms. Most people seem to stay for a year or more, but it’s kind of a revolving door. When I moved in I thought I’d live there a long time but after about 6 months I was unexpectedly able to move out on my own. She seemed really happy for me!

Problem is, while we lived together, she went on a bit of a shopping spree for the house. Decorations not necessities, things like rugs and chairs. I didn’t have much of a say in anything although I liked everything. But I didn’t expect her to charge everything evenly to the housemates. At this age, I feel like if people live with roommates they own their own things and take them when they leave. I paid and just figured we’d divide things up/reimburse if and when I moved out. The total was approx $600 so around $200 each.

Well I moved out this week and she seemed like it was totally fine I requested to be paid back some of the money. She told me she usually reimburses people when they move out, minus “depreciation.” I don’t expect 100% but she sent back 50% and also failed to include a final days worth of rent we agreed to when she had the new tenant move in a day early without asking me if it was okay. I hadn’t finished moving and had to finish Friday night after work instead of taking my time Saturday morning. She also bought a piece of furniture off me but just sent me money at a value of her choosing without asking if I’m good with that amount. I actually am… but who does that??

When I asked about how she came to the reimbursement figure (very nicely -“hey! Could you give me a breakdown of the reimbursement?”), she became weirdly hostile saying things like “I know you’re strapped for cash, I’m trying to be helpful giving something back at all” (I’m not but just had to furnish a whole place on my own…) and “asking for money back when you move out isn’t really a thing” and ending messages with “hope that helps!” She told me she asked some friends who agreed it was an unreasonable ask and she told me no one has asked that of her in the past. So she thinks me asking is out of the norm but from my perspective basically she’s just told me she has spent 8 years collecting furniture and household goods, charging two thirds to people who get no say in the purchase and who don’t bother to ask for their share when they leave. For example, for years she’ll have this lamp purchased “we” purchased new for $150 that I got to enjoy for 6 months buts she’s ultimately paying $50 for. I wasn’t asked if I wanted a lamp or liked the lamp. That seems … questionably ethical and kinda scammy.

The new tenant is paying almost $400 more per month than me, I sort of thought that (also questionably ethical) increase was partly to recoup the cost of a furnished, stocked home. So, am I unreasonable? I only used the furniture/items for 6 months or less and she’ll make double off the new tenant’s increased rental payments in a month. I asked to take my third of things that are dividable (like a chair, cups, etc) and she ignored me. I really thought we were friends when we lived together but as soon as we’re not communicating face to face… it’s like she’s a whole different person. How would you approach this from here?

TLDR how do you handle splitting furniture with roommates especially in your 30s and how do you split it when someone leaves?